Author's Note:
It feels like I've really hit a good flow state in forcing myself to write shorter chapters. This one was actually going to be a bit longer, but I trimmed it for the sake of pacing. Hopefully I made the right choice…
As a side note, I just want to say 'holy shit'. With 50 favorites on FFN and nearly 100 kudos on AO3, I really didn't expect this story to get this far. I was content to sit in an obscure corner, writing my silly little story to completion, but to get this kind of attention both surprises and makes me really happy.
Thank you to all of you who have been here so far and to those of you who will stop by in the future! Your readership makes a world of difference, and I want you to know I greatly appreciate it! We still have a long road ahead of us, so I hope you'll stick around for the potential years to come! Here's to hoping this story continues to reach many others, and brightens many peoples' days!
~ STAGE 16: Continue? ~
[START]
For a full millisecond of fight-or-flight, a rogue brain cell in Luka's skull put forward the idea to reenact the tale of Nemean lion and see if she could put the tiger in a chokehold.
The crazed grey matter was immediately grabbed by several others, beat up, bound, gagged, and dragged with the rest of Luka as she darted past the tiger in a rush of adrenaline.
'WHY' and 'SHIT' were the only words filling Luka's mind. The rest of her brain power was dedicated purely to both blocking out the pain in her body and getting the hell out of wherever she was. Rounding corners, the building's interior blurred past her. If she had time to digest it, she'd wonder why she was sprinting through a martial arts dojo. Or why there were other animals poking around various corners of said dojo, each of them reacting to the cat-and-mouse chase barreling past them like hapless bystanders in an action flick.
Amidst her own bare feet tip-tapping against the wood floor, she could hear scraping claws and paws loudly bounding after her, not too far behind. While bare feet didn't get great traction, life-or-death desperation did wonders for her dexterity. Seeing a corner coming up, she practically powerslid, veering hard down the new path.
Heavy paws slammed against the floor behind her, and she glanced back to see a surprised tiger sliding, scrambling, before losing its balance and going tumbling down the perpendicular path. Punctuated by a loud crash.
That probably bought her about 5 seconds. Luka didn't stop running, intent on using all of it.
There were too many unknowns about her current situation, but with a tiger on her tail, she couldn't afford to think about it. Maybe with her pistols, a fight would be hard but do-able, but barehanded? A fully-grown tiger had enough muscle power in just its paws to shatter bone with a single swipe. That she'd gotten a lead on the thing in running from it was downright miraculous.
(Exit, exit, where's an exit?!)
If she couldn't find a hiding spot, an exit was the next best bet. She needed to get out of the building and regroup, figure out her current situation. Fortunately, as she ran, the wooden floor dropped into a small square of dirt with a wooden sliding door at the end of it. A way out.
Backhanding it aside, Luka flung herself outside.
The sun had set long into dusk, turning the one light into the sky into a distant orange being drowned out by cold blues. Trees surrounded her, almost seeming to isolate the dojo she was leaving. Amidst the panorama, she spied the ever-familiar silhouette of the Youkai Mountain as it towered just a short distance from her. She was lower down than she was before…
Wait, that was odd. She'd been taken from the mountain? She wasn't still on it? It might've been true that Aya wanted to repel her, but it wouldn't make sense to go to all this effort. Especially not with the tiger.
… No, come to think of it, the panorama surrounding them felt a bit strange too. Such an isolating feeling was more than the barriers of nature. Staring at the horizon, it felt a bit like staring through a clear wall of water. Like a projected image on a screen, with that ever-present 'divide' between reality and fiction…
"... Wait, what am I doing?!" She needed to get out of here, not daydream!
Any direction would do. With no sign of other youkai around, her best bet was to scram before the tiger caught up to her. Pressing foot to dirt, Luka sprinted in a straight line into the surrounding woods, feeling nothing in particular change as she crossed the 'screen'.
As she ran, her figure blending amidst what felt like a looping tapestry labeled 'forest backdrop', her mind raced.
(Okay, now we think. If I just run, I might be able to make my way back to the village at least… But, then what? I'll have lost my guns, my one way to fight in Gensokyo. Would I even be able to…? No, focus, you need to live to fight another—)
Entering another clearing in the woods, Luka's mind grinded to a halt, as did she, as the dojo she'd just fled from reappeared right back in-front of her. She knew it was the same one; the exact same door was open and everything.
"The f—" Luka shook her head, cursing. Did she turn back by accident when thinking of her guns? Spinning around, she resumed her retreat. A straight line, she would just run in a straight—
(—line?)
Again, into the same clearing with the same dojo. She hadn't made a single turn or deviated from her path. Yet here she was again, in defiance of all logic.
"What the shit?!" She clutched her head. Had she walked into some kind of trap?
On cue, the sound of something heavy stomping about pulled her back to reality. The same tiger, looking very annoyed, stepped out from the manor and onto the clearing. Looking closely, Luka could almost make out a tiny comical bump on its head. She'd have risked a nervous laugh if it wasn't slowly prowling its way to her.
"No, no…!" Luka backpedaled, only to feel her legs fail her, tumbling back on her butt. Only now did she realize her lungs were burning, body quaking in soreness. She'd finally run out of steam, adrenaline expiring and exhaustion cashing its check. She didn't even have the strength to try the Nemean brain cell's stupid idea as a last-ditch effort.
This was it. What little luck she had finally ran out. The historical end for the outsider known as Luka East would be 'painfully mauled to death by an angry tiger'.
Pathetically raising her arms and clamping her eyes shut, Luka prepared for the worst—
"Houso?! What is going on out here?!"
A single voice screamed, like a mother yelling after a disobedient child. The shock of it made Luka's eyes peer back open. The tiger, so bloodthirsty and dangerous but a second ago, shrank at the mention of what sounded like its name. Its demeanor fell all the way down to a scolded housecat as it curled away from Luka, facing the voice's source all the way back at the dojo's newly opened door.
A woman, standing with her arms folded (one wrapped in bandages up to the shoulder), glared at Houso. Staring at her in the dusk light, Luka almost felt like she was staring at a moonlit rose. A thorny gaze, yet carrying a profound beauty. For a brief moment, she thought she saw horns on the top of her head, only to immediately correct them as a pair of rounded fabric buns.
"First I hear a terrible noise, then I see a hole in a wall, and you're out running around the dojo in a frenzy? You're supposed to be—"
Houso, bowing its head, approached the woman while loudly snorting into her lecture. At the moment of the tiger's sound, the rampaging mother paused. Her eyes shifted and widened as she realized Luka was there.
Luka, butt still planted firmly in the dirt, sat with her arms raised in surrender. Brain cells dying, she breathlessly wheezed, "Hi."
"... You're awake." She finally said, She shifting nervously. It definitely wasn't the body language of a kidnapper. "Er, you…" She gestured down at her torso, averting her gaze for some reason.
"...?" At first, Luka didn't immediately process what was going on. Absentmindedly following the stranger's pointing, she looked down.
The thin white robe she'd been sleeping in, the pajamas, hadn't come paired with underclothes. It had also come undone, looking more like an overcoat. An overcoat sitting on top of nothing else.
… It didn't really require elaboration on what was on-display. Once again following the cosmic comedy cues, a cool wind blasted by.
"Shhhhaaahahoeugh?!" Went the idiot. Luka swiftly leapt to her feet, now painfully self-conscious of her situation, and frantically failing to tie the cloth back into place. Eventually, she gave up and simply hugged it around herself, covering as much as she could.
A few minutes of painful shivering silence, until Luka finally spoke up.
"... C-Can we start over? Preferably inside?"
Inside, things were much warmer. It was a little embarrassing needing someone to help her tie the 'yukata' back together. She was grateful the stranger mercifully avoided commenting on the process itself.
"I'm sorry. Leaving Houso to watch your room like that might have been a bit excessive…"
"You're telling me. Seriously, whether he's trained or not, how else was I supposed to react?"
With that straightened out, it seemed her would-be kidnapper was actually a prepared host.
"This may be a bit more comfortable." The woman gently handed her a small basket with what seemed like half-dried clothes. Red and black—Luka's normal outfit. "It took some work, but I managed to clean them up some." She then gestured to a sliding door to the side, "Feel free to change in that room over there."
Nodding, Luka walked to it and sorted through her things. Most things were there, including one very welcome sight at the top. A pair of matchlock pistols that still seemed to be holding out, which Luka plucked from the basket.
"Cuckoo!" Luka inspected one, studying its thinner and slightly elegant frame. "And Teppōheshi, too!" Then the thicker, black-iron one. "Nice to see you girls in one piece."
It seemed the old, dependable pistols hadn't given up the ghost yet. She'd need to have Rinnosuke check them out after she got back home. She had no idea what kind of damage they could've taken from that fight… 【*】
Setting the pistols in their holsters, Luka slid her clothes back on and moved for the final touch. The article that normally made up the red in her outfit: her jacket. Normally, she would happily slide it back on without hesitation, but…
"Oh, no…"
Back during her fight with Aya, that bad hit she'd taken had ripped holes in it. She'd hoped they weren't as bad as her gut instinct made her fear, but seeing it now, they must've gotten even worse somehow while she was knocked out. The holes were even bigger, looking like a small dog had been digging through it.
"..." For some reason, Luka felt something tugging at her chest when she saw it in this state. She swallowed the feeling. "It's just a jacket. I can get it fixed…"
She set aside the questions of 'where' and 'how', and slung it over her shoulder as she returned to her host. That problem would just have to wait. Properly clothed, Luka soon found herself seated at a small dining table, sharing an assortment of meat buns with the strange woman, who introduced herself as a hermit named Kasen.
Luka still had a lot she wanted to ask, but the moment she smelled the warm bread and juicy meat, her apprehension melted. She was not immune to basic needs, and with each delicious bite, she felt her fatigue and suspicion washing away.
Kasen watched her, seeming to divide her attention between happily enjoying her own meal and studying Luka. Luka couldn't explain it, but sitting here and eating this meal, she felt a sort of secure, nostalgic sensation flow through her. Just looking at Kasen imbued her with some feeling of trust.
(Yeah, just like old times. Seated with a friend, enjoying fresh meat and good drink… Well, we're missing the booze—)
Luka's head spun for a second.
(—? Wait, that's not right, we're not even—)
"Forgive me for stopping you while you're eating, but," Kasen spoke, "could I ask what you were doing in that river?"
"... Rivuh?" Luka lost her train of thought, mouth stuffed with meat and bread. Urgh, of all the times. "Whuh do—"
"Please swallow."
Gulp. "Ah. Sorry, what do you mean?" She pocketed the odd thought for later.
Kasen briefly recapped the tale of how she found Luka, with Luka quietly chewing on food through the entire story, only pausing to ask what a 'shirikodama' was before losing some of her appetite as payment.
"Huh." That filled in some of the gaps in Luka's memory. "It must've been after I lost to Aya… She must've set me down in the lower area." Probably not caring if she drowned or not.
"Aya?" Kasen raised a brow. "The tengu journalist?"
"Long story."
And so Luka shared the tale of her mountain hike. Her trip up the mountain so far, her steady ascent, and her defeat at the hands of tabloid journalism.
As she concluded, Kasen raised a bandaged arm with one finger extended. "A question. Why are you climbing the Youkai Mountain, exactly?"
"..." Luka rubbed her neck. "Longer story."
She hesitated, unsure if it was fine to share this story. Kasen called herself a 'hermit', and while she seemed trustworthy… Was it okay to just lay it all out there?
Kasen studied her worried expression. "You do owe me your life, after all."
"Twist my arm, why don't you…"
Still hesitant, Luka began to elaborate upon her own story. She didn't want to overwhelm Kasen with details, so she kept solely to summarizing her overall situation and suspicions regarding Suika being a hint to her family history and odd memories. (As usual, she was careful to omit the Dream World.)
In the middle of the story, Kasen recoiled slightly when Luka mentioned Yukari.
"Familiar with that name?" Luka asked.
A brief look of pure disgust, like she'd stared into raw sewage. "Against my will, yes."
If nothing else, Kasen was also part of the 'Gap Hag's A Pain In Our Ass' club. They'd have to get that membership set up sometime, with how many people could fill the ranks.
Once Luka concluded, Kasen cupped her chin. She'd been deep in-thought the entire time Luka explained, with a difficult expression to pin down.
"An orphan, you say… And you never knew your parents?"
"No. Feels like everyone's been trying to keep them a secret from me at this point."
Kasen seemed troubled by that sentence. It was kind of shitty, to be fair. "They never left you anything? No hints to your history? Nothing?"
"..." Luka sighed.
With a frown, Kasen stopped pressing. She stared down at the remaining scraps of her own meal. After a pause for thought, "So, these memories… You're certain they're your own?"
"... No? That's kind of why I'm here to begin with, didn't we just cover that?"
"No, I, let me rephrase," Kasen cleared her throat. "You don't believe someone implanted these memories in you, do you?"
"Im—" Implanted? "You mean, like someone else stuck their own memory into me?"
"Maybe." Kasen stroked her chin. "It just seems… odd. You mentioned it yourself. Those memories don't seem to fit anywhere in the timeline of your life. One explanation could be that they aren't your own to begin with."
The idea sounded ludicrous at first, but Luka reminded herself: she lived in a land of fantasy now, where magic was real. Who was to say that wasn't the case?
"They felt so real, though. So personal…" Those, and the odd, out-of-character thoughts that kept popping up in her head every so often… "But, if they aren't mine, then, whose are they?"
"I couldn't say." Kasen seemed a bit confused, herself.
Luka stopped, theorizing…
A hint…
"... Could it be a message from my parents?" Luka thought aloud.
At that, Kasen's eyes narrowed. "I… suppose that's not impossible, but…" She seemed sincerely troubled by something.
But Luka ignored her hesitant look. The possibility alone lit a fire in Luka's chest. What if either of her parents had some kind of ability that let them transmit memories, somehow? Or messages? But, if that were the case, why hadn't they sent something more detailed? Was it a limitation of the ability? Could they not communicate more clearly until she'd entered Gensokyo?
… If even one of those ideas was true, and she'd been seeing those visions for most of her life, then—
"Luka, what are you doing?"
She hadn't realized she'd jumped to her feet until Kasen called after her.
"I—" Instinctively, Luka bowed to Kasen. " Thank you for the food, and for the help! But I need to get back to finding Suika!"
Filled with a new, burning sort of energy, Luka was ready to run back out and tackle the mountain again. Only, the moment she took a step for the door—
"Ulp?!"
Something snagged her by the back of her shirt, yanking her back into place. As she stumbled back—
"I would advise you not to rush off so hastily." The culprit, Kasen, had somehow gone from standing on the opposite end of the table to standing right behind Luka. She hadn't made a sound, or given any sign of motion. "To start, it's already nighttime…"
"—Ah." Right, she'd gotten too excited. Apart from being pitch-black, she'd get attacked by who-knows-what if she wandered out at night… "Well, then I'll go in the morning!"
Kasen scowled. "You're assuming I'll let you stay here for the night?"
"... I'll sleep just outside, then!"
"T-That wasn't me denying you lodging!" Kasen reeled. "No, stay inside! Please! You'll catch a cold otherwise!"
What a weird hermit. One minute she was trying to act all cold and distant, and the next Luka could've sworn she was her mom.
…
"You're not my mom, are—" "What makes you think that?!"
Just making sure.
"Ugh…" Kasen sighed. "More importantly, there's something I must ask you before you seriously consider this journey." She blinked. "Er, to advise you as a hermit, of course."
"Thanks for clarifying?"
"Please, Luka." Kasen's expression turned serious, which shut down Luka's snark. "What I mean to ask is…" Her tone lowered, bleeding sincerity. "Do you need to continue this journey?"
Luka froze. Her back straightened a bit.
"... Excuse me?"
"Is it necessary for you to continue up the mountain?" Kasen's gaze was piercing. Penetrating, with years of experience flowing over Luka as she tried to match her stare. "You've been bested once before. Do you think Suika will be any different?"
"I'm not climbing to fight Suika," Luka protested. "I just need to ask her some questions."
"Suika—" Kasen stopped herself, for some reason. She took a deep breath. "Youkai are creatures of whim, and oni especially are no different. Oni aren't known for playing along with those weaker than them just because they asked nicely. If she simply decides to make you fight for your answers, just for fun, what would you do?"
"I—" She stopped. Luka didn't have an answer.
"Did you have a plan, even?"
Still nothing. She remained silent.
"..." Kasen's eyes seemed to be scolding Luka. "I'll ask again. Do you need to continue this journey?"
"Yes." Despite her prior silence, Luka did not hesitate on that answer.
"Why?" Kasen did not yield to that. "To be sure, maybe there is a chance you can find some truth. Perhaps you'll find answers. But is it worth the risk to your life? Is it worth challenging the mountain itself?" Kasen was almost glaring. "You see yourself as a human, don't you?"
Luka reacted like an electric shock had run through her, like a lie detector had just zapped her for hesitating. "... I… Well, I mean…"
"Then, just live with that in mind. Whether your past is that of a youkai or even a half-youkai, it's your own choice that matters, right?" Kasen's harsh eyes softened, and she gently reached for Luka's shoulder. "There's no need to push yourself. When tomorrow morning comes, I can escort you back to the village, and—"
The moment her hand brushed against Luka, something cracked.
"No!" Luka jumped from Kasen, pulling back like her life was at risk. She hadn't meant to snap. Her voice came out louder than expected. "... No." Luka muttered. "No, I can't. I need to see this through."
Kasen's warmth returned to incredulity. "Why? Is it really that important?"
"Of course it is!"
Kasen scowled. "Then, what is it? What's so worth risking your one and only life?"
"I'm scared, damn it!"
Pushed against the wall and to her limits, Luka's trembling voice barked out her innermost feelings.
Emotions were complicated. It was easy to let out frustration over small, insignificant things. To snark, or make sassy comments when things got tough. But, the deepest, most difficult feelings to unpack had a way of locking themselves up. Stowed away until they could no longer bear the cold of calm.
Nearly dying, getting chased by a gigantic tiger, all after wasting two years with zero progress. The stress felt like water pressuring a dam. Once that dam broke, even if it was in front of a stranger, the catharsis was hard to stop.
"Everyone keeps telling me 'you're this', 'you're that'. 'Youkai'! 'Half-youkai'! I still don't get what any of that even means!" The bitterness filled her lungs and leapt from her mouth. "But, what can I say to any of them?! I don't know myself, how can I claim to not be what they call me?! And, if the visions I keep seeing aren't from someone else, and if they are mine…" Her trembling turned to shaking. "I feel like the world wants me to change into someone else and I don't know what to do about it."
A deep, primal fear rampaged in her mind. 'Luka East' was a defined entity in her mind. That was her 'self'. These other things, these labels she didn't recognize—they weren't her. But, they could have been. But it was impossible for them to be. But they weren't. But they were.
An impossible reconciliation grappling in her mind, a mental deadlock she had no way of breaking.
"I just—I need to make it make sense. How else can I make peace with this other side of myself I don't even get? I have to know."
At the end of her rope, Luka trailed off and finally came to her senses. She'd been yelling at a stranger. Someone who had not only saved her life, but had been showing her genuine concern. What had Kasen done to deserve that?
Collecting herself with a deep breath, Luka refocused on Kasen. "I'm sorry, this isn't your problem. You're right, I—"
But, when she looked at Kasen, the hermit was not staring at her in judgment or sadness like she expected. It was some unreadable emotion, something that frightened Luka. Had she said something wrong?
"No," Kasen began to mutter, eyes wandering. "I'm the one who should be apologizing,"
"Huh?"
Contemplation, confliction, and an underlying sadness. All those things crossed Kasen's face as she met Luka's gaze once again. "I presumed too much of your situation, and tried to force you to give up on something so important. That was a mistake."
The shift in attitude unnerved Luka. She definitely said something wrong. "No, you were just concerned for me, right? It's okay, really."
Why was she talking like this? Why were either of them? Luka could almost mistake them for two close friends making up after an argument. Yet, it didn't feel wrong. Why?
"... It's been a rather long day for the both of us." Kasen smiled wearily. "Let's finish eating. We'll finish this talk tomorrow. There's no need to rush."
"But—"
Kasen returned to her seat in silence, seeming to end the conversation there. Left with nothing to say, Luka returned to her meat, flavor more bitter than before.
They didn't speak for the rest of the evening. Even after finishing dinner and cleaning up, Kasen merely escorted Luka to the guest room she'd fled and wished her a pleasant 'goodnight'.
With a clamp, the sliding door closed, and Luka was once again alone.
"... Great job, Luka." She muttered derisively in the cold moonlight. Yet again, she couldn't understand why she was so upset. Which only agitated her prior concerns.
Sleep was hard. She felt restless, now. Plus, her soreness from her earlier tussle with Aya had come back, trapping her in a delightful cycle as a little ball of pain that wanted to move but also hurt itself when it did so.
Lying on her back against a kotatsu, Luka rolled onto her side. Next to her was her red jacket, set aside so that there was less risk of it getting damaged any further.
… Even so, she reached for it, raising to a seated position and unfolding it to look at the full damage.
Torn sleeves and holes through it that looked like they would've come from fatal blows. To put it bluntly, the poor thing was just a few bad tears from turning into a bunch of tattered material.
Staring at it, that same tugging sensation returned. Luka followed it, feeling a distant memory pulling her along.
"Really? You want that red again? Why not something else?" An older man's voice, exasperated.
Then, a little girl's own high pitch followed it, "It's my red! Mine! I always get it!"
A twinge of embarrassment mixed with self-loathing.
(It's just a stupid jacket. Get over it.)
She scolded herself, but couldn't shut out the thoughts entirely. The same ones that kept flooding her mind every night. Was her dad alright? Was he taking care of himself? How had he reacted when she didn't come home that night?
In the end, she just kept staring at her stupid jacket. Full of holes, with merely a vague definition of self and no idea if it would even survive another week. Yet, its vibrant color still flourished in her eyes, as if rebelling against its current state, shouting with what little strength it had in retaliation against the world.
Luka hugged it close. It felt cold, alone, as if it might fall apart. Just some pathetic, insignificant thing. She tightened her grip.
It would survive. She just needed to fill the holes.
Just a few floors above, Kasen Ibara sighed from her window. Sleep wasn't coming easily for her either.
She instead found herself staring out her window, eyes gazing up at the moon. Its distant, haughty light almost laughed mockingly at her. Lost in her own thoughts, Kasen found herself gripping her bandaged arm with her remaining flesh arm.
"This same trial we all face…" A solemn expression. "It seems none of us can escape it. Not even her…"
She closed her eyes, going to a corner of her mind none could understand. Not her closest friends, nor her sworn enemies. The 'hermit', who should have sworn off such worldly, anxious thoughts, seeped herself in them. A sign of her own hypocritical immaturity, perhaps.
She dwelled on the appearance of Luka East. Such spirited eyes, she recognized them well. Distinct as she was, the resemblance was uncanny. Enough to make even Kasen briefly forget herself, to accidentally fall back onto old habits.
Then, there were Luka's strange visions. 'Memories' not the girl's own, they made little sense even to the hermit. What was she, indeed? Kasen couldn't deny her own curiosity, but at the same time…
A single name echoed back, a poison that had tainted their entire conversation. 'Yukari Yakumo'. If what Luka had recounted was true, then…
A temper she'd forgotten she had momentarily flared, the hermit's forlorn expression searing into a glare that burned her eyes back open.
"Was one not enough for you?"
It couldn't be ignored. She could not simply avert her eyes from this situation until it was too late. Not like last time.
Complex thoughts combatting with a melancholic reminiscence, Kasen Ibara simply stared into the moon for the remainder of the night.
【*】For the unfamiliar, see EXTRA 2 for the story here.
Author's Note:
To those who have read Wild and Horned Hermit, please, be mindful of the others here who may not have. Just to remind everyone, I did write this story for newcomers to Touhou to be able to enjoy, as well. Well, I'm attempting to, anyways… Rereading the earlier chapters, I'm wondering if I should rewrite them at some point…
On another note, Touhou 19 ~ Unfinished Dream of All Living Ghost was announced a few days ago! A new Phantasmagoria game… I'm excited, even though I'd probably get destroyed by everyone if I tried to play. Anyways, please support the official release once it comes out!