A/N #1: There will be a slight time jump for this chapter.

In My Veins

Chapter 7: Aftermath

A week later

"Kate wants to start a family."

"And this worries you?" Dr. Burke asked, his voice as quiet as it always was.

"I don't know."

"Rick, talk to me. That's why you're here. You obviously have some feelings about the subject, or you wouldn't have opened with it."

"I always imagined children in our future. Did Kate tell you that we took care of a baby about a year ago?"

"No. How did that go?"

"We only had him overnight. It was rough, but Kate later admitted to me that she enjoyed the experience. I kind of pushed her into taking him and I felt bad about that. She had told me that she wasn't a 'baby person,'" he made air quotes.

"Some people aren't. Let's get back to your worries about Kate. Why are you concerned about Kate having your children?"

"I worry about her heart from her shooting. She has an appointment to see her cardiologist in a couple of days. She's even told me that I can tag along to ask questions. The morning that Nieman returned, we had opened up a dialog about having kids, but we never got to finish it."

"Because of Kate's abduction?"

"Right."

"Is that something else that you're worried about?"

"I'm not following."

"Kate has PTSD. Are you worried about how that might affect her having children?"

"Are you asking if I'm afraid that Kate might harm our children? No. But I don't want her to think that I'm pushing her into this."

"Who initiated the conversation? You or Kate?"

"Kate did. My daughter was leaving for class, and she kissed Kate goodbye for the first time. She complimented me on raising a great kid, and I told her that she had missed the beginning. She said that the next time she'd be there for the beginning. She said it was something that she'd been thinking about. But then, the moment got ruined."

"By Kelly Nieman and Jerry Tyson?"

"Yeah."

"Rick, I don't think that they ruined the moment. Did they put a damper on your excitement about that moment? Yes, absolutely. I've listened to Kate talk about you for three years, Rick. She adores you. If she feels ready to take this next step, then you should embrace it."

"Do you tell her what we talk about?"

"No. I can't do that. The same way that I can't tell you what she and I talk about."

"But you just said—"

"I wasn't giving you a verbatim conversation. But yes, you were a frequent subject. Can I ask you something?"

"Yes."

"Have you gone to therapy before?"

"When my first wife and I broke up, we both had to see someone. It was to determine who would get full custody of my daughter. It wasn't like this, though."

"In what way?"

"This therapist just wanted to know what Alexis and I did when we were together. I talked about going to the playground or the library. Sometimes we went to the zoo or the Natural History Museum."

"You know, if you and Kate have children, you're going to be able to do that again," Burke smiled.

"Those times with Alexis are my favorite memories," Castle smiled back.

***CCC***

"He treats me like I'm made of stained glass," Kate complained. "I mean, the first night was horrible. But I feel so much stronger since then."

"How are you sleeping?"

"You should know the answer to that one."

"Is Rick sleeping?"

"No," she shook her head. "We both have horrible nightmares. He got up the other night and left the apartment. When I woke up and couldn't find him, I freaked out. Fortunately, he had his cell on him. His mother called and found him. He felt awful when he got home. He just needed to get some air. I just didn't like the not . . . not—"

"Not knowing where he was?" Burke guessed as Kate nodded.

"He promised not to do it again. Or to wake me up if he felt the need to leave. Before this happened, we briefly talked about starting a family. Now he seems to be against it. When I ask why, he changes the subject."

"Kate, you know that if there are problems in a marriage, having a child won't fix the problem."

"I don't feel that we have a problem. That's just it. Yes, I got kidnapped and held captive for two days, but other than that, she didn't hurt me. Castle got the worst end of being separated from me. He beat the crap out of Tyson and got arrested, he got tasered by him, and he watched a woman that he thought was me die in front of him. Oh, he didn't tell me the last one. I found out about Sydney Novick from TV. When I asked Castle about her, he got so upset that he got sick."

"How did you learn the whole story?"

"I asked one of my team. She . . . was wearing the clothes that I was wearing the night that I was taken. She was also wearing . . . my . . . wedding ring," Kate wiped at her eyes. "Castle told me the night that I was found that he couldn't give me my ring back. But he wouldn't say why."

"When I bring him in for your couples' session, do you want me to bring up the woman who died?"

"He won't talk to me about her otherwise. I will see my cardiologist the day after tomorrow. I've already told Castle that he can tag along and ask him as many questions as he'd like."

"What did they tell you after the shooting?"

"I didn't ask about starting a family. It didn't seem to fit the narrative at that time. I had just ended things with Josh, and I didn't think that I stood a snowball's chance in hell with Castle. When I saw him a year after the shooting, he did say that he was amazed at how well I had recovered in such a short time."

"How does starting a family make you feel?"

"Excited," she smiled. "I love Castle, and when I see him interact with Alexis, or with my friend's kids, I get all tingly. He's great with kids, and he's a wonderful dad."

"You need to tell Rick exactly what you've told me."

"Now?"

"Is there a problem with that?" Dr. Burke quirked his eyebrow.

***CCC***

That night, Castle was in bed with his laptop when Kate came out of the ensuite after taking a shower. She climbed into bed beside him and kissed him on the neck. "What're you working on?"

"Just some revisions for my latest chapter. And I'm all done," he saved his document and closed the lid on the laptop. "Good shower?"

"Great shower. Maybe you can join me for the next one," she smiled.

"Yeah, I'd like that," he was glad that she seemed to be in a playful mood.

"I know that we don't usually discuss our sessions, but I had a really good session today."

"I do feel like I'm making progress," he admitted. "He asked if I had ever done therapy before."

"Have you?"

"Meredith and I had to attend court ordered therapy when we first split up."

"Why?"

"Do you remember when I told you that Meredith gave me full custody after the divorce?"

"Yeah," Kate sat straight up in their bed.

"At the last minute, she decided that she wanted joint custody."

"Wasn't she already living in L.A.?"

"Exactly. Joint custody meant that Alexis would spend summers and every other holiday with her mother. She was four at the time. Joint custody meant that either I had to travel with her three or four times a year or make arrangements for her to fly to her mother. I was strongly opposed to this."

"As any parent in their right mind would be. Does Alexis know about this?"

"I told her when she was old enough to know. I wanted her to hear the truth from me, not the distorted version that Meredith would've given her. The court ordered us both to attend therapy. They wanted a professional opinion on who Alexis would be better off with. They also observed each of us with Alexis. I'm sure you know which of us came off better in that regard."

"You're a wonderful father. Alexis has told me so many wonderful stories of growing up with you. When I first met you, there were so many things that I didn't like about you. But when I saw you interact with Alexis, I knew that you had done at least one thing right. That's why I want to do this with you, Castle. I know that it's scary for you in light of what happened three years ago. And I'll admit that I'm scared. But I'm only scared because I've never done this before. You have. I want to experience parenthood with you. I want to see our kids eyes light up every time you enter a room. I see that in Alexis every time she sees you. I want to hear the words 'daddy' come out of our kids' mouths. I love you," she kissed him, "and I want to extend that love to our kids."

"What if he sees an issue?"

"Castle, if there was an issue, he never would've cleared me. I haven't seen him in over a year. If he gives me the okay, we're coming home and we're going to try to make a baby. Okay?"

"What if it takes a while?"

"Castle, the last time that I checked, having a lot of sex has never been a problem for us," her grin was huge.

"That's true," he agreed.

***CCC***

"What brings you in to see me, Det. Beckett?" Dr. Kovaks asked. "When I saw you last, I thought that I had given you a clean bill of health."

"You did. I even remember your final words."

"Which were?"

"That you found it amazing that I had recovered as quickly and completely as I had."

"Considering the shape that you were in when you were brought into my surgery that day, I'm still amazed. So, why are you back in my office?"

"Dr. Kovaks, this is my husband, Richard Castle."

"Nice to meet you," the doctor shook Castle's hand, still perplexed by why Kate was in his office.

"We recently got married, and we'd like to start a family. But we're both concerned about possible complications from my shooting," Kate explained.

"When I saw you a year ago, I did a cardiac echo and a stress test. Both were completely normal. While every pregnancy is different, I don't foresee any complications if you were to become pregnant."

"You're sure that the stress of her job combined with the stress of a pregnancy wouldn't be an issue?" Castle asked.

"Every pregnancy is different, Mr. Castle. There's really no way to forecast any problems until I see a situation that warrants it."

"That's it? That's all you have to say?"

"Castle? Hey, it's okay," Kate tried to assure him. "Thank you for your time, Doctor."

"You're welcome. Good luck."

"Good luck?" Castle was fuming when they walked out of Dr. Kovaks office. "Is that all he has to say? What does that even mean, anyway?"

"Rick?" Kate stepped in front of him. "I know that you're worried. But there's something that you need to remember about that day. I just as easily could've died. He and Josh saved my life."

"So did Lanie. She did CPR in the ambulance. And then again when they were running into the ER with you."

"I know. I've already thanked her more than you will ever know. If there were any issues, I would've told you. Just like I've talked to you about my PTSD."

"When Meredith was pregnant with Alexis, I worried about everything. Every ache, pain and complaint that Meredith had would send me running to the phone to call her doctor. By the time Alexis got here, I was a wreck."

"I want to do this," she smiled as she smoothed the worry lines on his forehead. "More than anything."

"You might regret those words when you're eight months pregnant and having to pee every five minutes."

"If I do, you can remind me whose idea this was," she smiled. "Now, do you want me to throw out my birth control or are we going to keep discussing this?"

"When I look at videos of Alexis when she was little, I miss those times. I remember how tiny she was. I loved watching her eyes light up when we'd go to the zoo or the museum. But do you want to know what I missed the most?"

"What?"

"I missed having someone there to share it with me. I would send Meredith videos and pictures, but it wasn't the same. Let's have a baby, Beckett."

***CCC***

"What do we want to talk about today?" Dr. Burke started their session.

"I saw my former cardiologist on Friday, and he cleared me to try to get pregnant."

"Sort of," Castle threw in.

"Sort of?" Burke looked from Castle to Beckett and back again.

"He just explained that every pregnancy is different, so he can't give me a 100 percent certainty that everything will be okay."

"That's true. I have four children, and each pregnancy has been different."

"Were all four pregnancies problem free?" Castle asked.

"No. My youngest was premature. But he's healthy now and you'd never know he had come into the world barely weighing four pounds. I take it that Operation Baby Castle is in effect?" He gave them a sardonic smile.

"Yes, it is," Kate blushed. "Or it will be as soon as the effects of my current cycle of birth control wears off."

"But it's been fun practicing," Castle was quick to add.

"Kate, I'd like to speak to Rick alone for a bit. If that's okay with the both of you?"

Kate had a feeling that she knew what Burke wanted to discuss with Castle. She knew that it was best if the doctor spoke to Castle about it privately rather than springing it on him like an ambush. "Okay," she stood up, and grabbed her bag from the floor.

"Wait! What's going on?" Castle was confused.

"It's okay. I'll be right outside," she kissed him before exiting the room.

"You never do that," Castle accused Burke. "That's why we each have private sessions and do a couple's session once a week. Why are you changing the rules?"

"Rick, why haven't you talked to Kate about Sydney Novick?"

"No," Castle got up, and began to rapidly walk the floor. "I . . . I can't. I'm not ready to talk about that night."

"That's why you're here, Rick. Kate knows more about that night than you think she does. She heard about her on the news and then she asked one of her team about her. But she needs you to tell her about that night. I can help you with that."

"Now?"

"I think it's time. It might help with your nightmares and the need to leave the apartment at three in the morning."

"Kate told you about that?"

"Yes. The two of you went through a horrible ordeal. You worry about her, and she worries about you. She feels that you went through the worst part of the ordeal than she did."

"I'm not sure that I agree."

"Let me bring Kate back in and we can talk about Sydney Novick. Okay?"

After a couple of minutes, Castle nodded his head. Burke pressed his intercom button. "Danielle, ask Kate to come back in."

The door opened and Kate walked back into the office, sitting beside Castle and placing her bag at her feet. "Kate, how much do you know about Sydney Novick?" Castle asked.

"Just what I heard on the news, and what Espo told me. He didn't tell me much. Just that she was an addict, and that Tyson had taken her because he thought that she looked like me."

"This is hard," Castle's voice was rough.

"I know," she whispered, reaching out for his hand.

"We got a call that someone had spotted the van. The one that Amy was driving when she took you. When we got there, ESU was already there. They reported that there was a woman inside of the building. She was tied to a chair."

The only other time that Kate had seen Castle so emotional was when Alexis was taken, and he showed up at the scene of a vehicle dump. "It's okay," she squeezed his fingers.

"She looked like you. She was wearing your . . . your white turtleneck. Her hair looked like you. ESU decided to breach the building. When they did, I . . . I heard your voice," he was now on the verge of sobbing, his voice catching on every word that he spoke. "You . . . you told us . . . to get back. That . . . that it was . . . a trap. Then we heard the most awful explosion and . . . there was blood . . . everywhere."

"Oh, Castle," Kate was now crying, too.

"He had rigged . . . a shotgun. It was aimed at her . . . at her heart. I ran to you . . . her. She was . . . wearing . . . your wedding . . . your wedding ring. I was . . . apologizing and telling you . . . how sorry I was. When I reached . . . up . . . to cradle your head . . . your hair . . . came off."

"It was a wig."

"We were so relieved . . . that it wasn't . . . you. But she died . . . in front of me, Beckett. She died . . . because of me—"

"Rick, no. She died because of Jerry Tyson. He's the bad guy here. You never did anything wrong to cause him to do the awful things that he did. He's the villain in the story. Do you hear me? He is. I love you. I'm sad because he stole my wedding ring. But my ring can be replaced. You can't. I didn't know if you were alive or dead while she was holding me. You told me when we got home that night that not knowing was the worst part of the whole ordeal. And it truly was. At least you were able to actively look for me. I was tied down, helpless. Wondering from one second to the next what she was going to do to me. But I never stopped thinking about you. It sickens me that you were forced to watch Sydney die because of another of his twisted games. She didn't deserve that, and neither did you. But do you know what?"

"What?"

"We get to live to fight another day," she smiled. "And with any luck, this time a year from now, we'll have a little one to dote on and spoil rotten. We get to start a new chapter and close the book on this one."

"I like the sound of that," he finally smiled.

***CCC***

Later that night, Kate was lying sweaty and sated in Castle's arms, listening to the still rapid pounding of his heart under her ear. "So will we use your name, my name or a hyphenated version for our first child?" Castle asked.

"Uh, let's have this phantom child first, then we'll talk surnames. Just so you know, I'm planning on using your name. And how many children are you talking about?" She raised up in bed, the sheet slipping down her chest.

"Simon Doyle did say we were having three. Remember?"

"You do know that Simon Doyle wasn't a time traveler, right?"

"Then how would you explain him?"

"I don't have an explanation, but I know that he wasn't a time traveler. However, we will start with one child, and then we will negotiate."

"You want to negotiate over our offspring?"

"I'm the one who has to carry your offspring. Remember that."

"Good point."

"I thought that you might agree with that one," she lay back down on his chest, smiling when she felt his fingers trailing up and down her naked back. "Do you think it'll happen quickly?"

"Alexis did. Only I was 23 at the time and we weren't actively trying to have a baby."

"Like you're so old now," she reached down to fondle him, laughing at his instant reaction.

"I'll tell you what," he rolled them so that he was cradling her body with his own. "We'll just keep practicing until it happens. Okay?"

"Okay."

A/N #2: I'm sorry that this chapter took so long. I was going in another direction, but it sucked. One of my muses suggested that I bring Burke in for this chapter.

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