It took Mark and Oksana a full day to get there, thankfully Abe had volunteered to cover the expenses. When the two entered the living room they were greeted with hugs from the Belikova's while the others introduced themselves.
"So why are we here?" Oksana asked looking nervously around the room. Alberta took a breath and stood up and explained what was going on. Mark and Oksana looked amazed at the books.
"Now why are you here?" Tatiana asked looking at Oksana and Mark's joined hands with disdain.
"Probably because I'm a spirit user and Mark is shadow kissed," Oksana said looking at the books.
"You're married," Adrian remarked studying their auroras. Abe and Janine looked shocked at Mark and Oksana who just smiled and took their seats.
"So who would like to read," Alberta asked picking up the book.
"If I may please," Oksana asked, eager to get her hands on the books.
"Wait you're married, but he's a dhampir?" Christian asked shocked
"It might not be common but not all Moroi believe they are more important than dhampirs," Mark chuckled shaking his head. Tatiana glared at him while Christian just smiled and nodded.
Eight
Christian was kissing her, and wow, was it a kiss.
"Oh god please no," Christian shook his head. Mason and Eddie agreed with him, they do not want to hear this.
He wasn't messing around. It was the kind of kiss that small children shouldn't be allowed to see. Hell, it was the kind of kiss no one should be allowed to see -let alone experience through a psychic link.
"Oh that is horrible," Mark shook his head.
As I've noted before, strong emotion from Lissa could make this phenomenon happen -the one where I got pulled inside her head. But always, always, it was because of some negative emotion.
"Nope it only ever has to be strong emotions," Mark shook his head, feeling bad for Rose. He could remember those early days with the bond, but thankfully he and his bond-mate were romantic partners so situations like this never happened.
She'd get upset or angry or depressed, and that would reach out to me. But this time? She wasn't upset. She was happy. Very, very happy.
"I think there is a different word for it," Adrian shook his head trying to hold in his laughter. Christian looked like he wished that he could just die.
Oh man. I needed to get out of here. They were up in the attic of the school's chapel or, as I liked to call it, their love nest. The place had been a regular hangout for them, back when each of them was feeling antisocial and wanted to escape. Eventually, they'd decided to be antisocial together, and one thing had led to another. Since they started publicly dating, I hadn't known they spent much time here anymore. Maybe they were back for old time's sake. And indeed, a celebration did seem to be going on.
"How much longer is this going to go on for," Christian moaned shaking his head.
Little scented candles were set up around the dusty old place, candles that filled the air with the scent of lilacs. I would have been a little nervous about setting all those candles in a confined space filled with flammable boxes and books, but Christian probably figured he could control any accidental infernos.
"Not when you're horny," Dimitri and Ivan said at the same time, Christian blushed and looked away.
"You and Rose are too similar," Alberta shook her head.
They finally broke that insanely long kiss and pulled back to look at each other. They lay on their sides on the floor. Several blankets had been spread under them. Christian's face was open and tender as he regarded Lissa, his pale blue eyes aglow with some inner emotion. It was different from the way Mason regarded me.
"Don't say it," Mason glared at Adrian, who just smiled and looked at him.
There was certainly adoration with him, but Mason's was a lot like when you walk into a church and fall to your knees in awe and fear of something you worship but don't really understand. Christian clearly worshipped Lissa in his way, but there was a knowing glint to his eyes, a sense that the two of them shared an understanding of each other so perfect and powerful that they didn't even need words to convey it.
Christian blushed and looked away as everyone looked at him, while Mason just glared at Dimitri.
"Don't you think we're going to go to hell for this?" asked Lissa. He reached out and touched her face, trailing his fingers along her cheek and neck and down to the top of her silky shirt. She breathed heavily at that touch, at the way it could be so gentle and small, yet evoke such a strong passion within her. "For this?" He played with the shirt's edge, letting his finger just barely brush inside of it. "No," she laughed. "For this." She gestured around the attic.
"Technically that is storage," Christian added.
"No one asked," Janine added.
"This is a church. We shouldn't be doing this kind of, um, thing up here." "Not true," he argued. Gently, he pushed her onto her back and leaned over her. "The church is downstairs. This is just storage. God won't mind."
"I thought you don't believe," Karolina smirked.
"I don't but Lissa does," Christian smirked.
"You don't believe in God," she chastised. Her hands made their way down his chest. Her movements were as light and deliberate as his, yet they clearly triggered the same powerful response in him. He sighed happily as her hands slid under his shirt and up his stomach. "I'm humoring you." "You'd say anything right now," she accused.
"Agreed," All the girls nodded.
Her fingers caught the edge of his shirt and pushed it up. He shifted so she could push it all the way off him and then leaned back over her, bare-chested. "You're right," he agreed. He carefully undid one button on her blouse. Just one. Then he again leaned down and gave her one of those hard, deep kisses.
"Please just get out of her head now," Christian shook his head. He didn't want to hear this or have everyone else hear it as well.
When he came up for air, he continued on as though nothing had happened. "Tell me what you need to hear, and I'll say it." He unfastened another button. "There's nothing I need to hear," she laughed. Another button popped free. "You can tell me whatever you want -it'd just be nice if it were true." "The truth, huh? No one wants to hear the truth.
"Lissa does surprisingly," Victoria giggled, Christian just glared at her.
The truth is never sexy. But you ..." The last button came undone, and he spread her shirt away. "You are too goddamned sexy to be real." His words held his trademark snarky tone, but his eyes conveyed a different message entirely. I was witnessing this scene through Lissa's eyes, but I could imagine what he saw. Her smooth, white skin. Slender waist and hips. A lacy white bra. Through her, I could feel that the lace was itchy,
"The things we girls do to look pretty," Sonja shook her head.
"Please tell me it is going to end soon, I don't think any of us really want to hear any of this," Abe asked looking at Oksana.
"Just a few more lines," Oksana smiled blushing.
but she didn't care. Feelings both fond and hungry spread over his features. From within Lissa, I could feel her heart race and breathing quicken. Emotions similar to Christian's clouded all other coherent thoughts. Shifting down, he lay on top of her, pressing their bodies together. His mouth sought hers out again, and as their lips and tongues made contact, I knew I had to get out of there.
Everyone nodded.
Because I understood it now. I understood why Lissa had dressed up and why the love nest had been decked out like a Yankee Candles showroom. This was it. The moment. After a month of dating, they were going to have sex. Lissa, I knew, had done it before with a past boyfriend. I didn't know Christian's past, but I sincerely doubted many girls had fallen prey to his abrasive charm.
"Not a word," Christian said glaring at Eddie who was about to comment.
But in feeling what Lissa felt, I could tell that none of that mattered. Not in that moment. In that moment, there were only the two of them and the way they felt about each other right now.
"Sadly at that moment there were 3 people," Mark shook his head.
And in a life filled with more worries than someone her age should have had, Lissa felt absolutely certain about what she was doing now. It was what she wanted. What she'd wanted for a very long time with him. And I had no right to be witnessing it. Who was I kidding? I didn't want to witness it.
"None of us do," Adrian shook his head.
I took no pleasure in watching other people get it on, and I sure as hell didn't want to experience sex with Christian.
"Hey!" Christian protested
"You want to have sex with Rose?" Mason asked looking at Christian questioningly.
"Of course not," Christian looked disgusted at the idea.
It'd be like losing my virginity virtually. But Jesus Christ, Lissa wasn't making it easy to get out of her head. She had no desire to detach from her feelings and emotions, and the stronger they grew, the stronger they held me. Trying to distance myself from her, I focused my energies on coming back to myself, concentrating as hard as I could.
"Good place to start," Mark nodded.
More clothes disappeared ... Come on, come on, I told myself sternly. The condom came out... yikes. You're your own person, Rose. Get back in your head. Their limbs intertwined, their bodies moving together ... Son of a - I ripped out of her and back to myself.
Everyone relaxed, Christian looked the most pleased that Rose had been able to pull out of Lissa's head.
Once again, I was back in my room, but I no longer had any interest in packing my backpack. My whole world was askew. I felt strange and violated -almost unsure if I was Rose or if I was Lissa.
"That is the problem with being shadow kissed and not knowing how to control your powers," Mark said worriedly.
I also felt that resentment toward Christian again. I certainly didn't want to have sex with Lissa, but there was that same pang inside of me, that frustrated feeling that I was no longer the center of her world. Leaving the backpack untouched, I went right to bed, wrapping my arms around myself and curling into a ball to try to squelch the ache within my chest.
"Poor Roza," Karolina said feeling back for her future sister in law.
"If only there was someone who could cheer her up," Victoria said looking pointedly at Dimitri.
I fell asleep pretty quickly and woke up early as a result. Usually, I had to be dragged out of bed to go meet Dimitri, but today I showed up early enough that I actually beat him to the gym. As I waited, I saw Mason cutting across to one of the buildings that held classrooms. "Whoa," I called. "Since when are you up this early?"
"Never," Mason and Eddie said at the same time.
"Since I had to retake a math test," he said, walking over to me. He gave me his mischievous smile. "Might be worth skipping, though, to hang out with you." I laughed, remembering my conversation with Lissa. Yes, there were definitely worse things I could do than flirt and start something with Mason. "Nah. You might get in trouble, then I'd have no real challenge on the slopes." He rolled his eyes, still smiling. "I'm the one with no real challenge, remember?" "You ready to bet on something yet? Or are you still too afraid?" "Watch it," he warned, "or I might take back your Christmas present." "You got me a present?" I hadn't expected that. "Yup. But if you keep back-talking, I might give it to someone else."
"No you won't," Eddie shook his head. He never understood why Mason would do anything for Rose and then tell her he wouldn't.
"Like Meredith?" I teased. "She isn't even in your league, and you know it." "Even with a black eye?" I asked with a grimace. "Even with two black eyes."
"You're a real charmer," Adrian shook his head.
The look he gave me just then wasn't teasing or even really suggestive. It was just nice. Nice, friendly, and interested. Like he really cared. After all the stress lately, I decided I liked being cared about. And with the neglect I was starting to feel from Lissa, I realized I also kind of liked having someone who wanted to pay so much attention to me.
Mason smiled, while Dimitri just thought about kicking himself.
"What are you doing on Christmas?" I asked. He shrugged. "Nothing. My mom almost came down but had to cancel at the last minute ... you know, with everything that happened." Mason's mother wasn't a guardian. She was a dhampir who'd chosen to just be domestic and have kids. As a result, I knew he saw her quite a bit. It was ironic, I thought, that my mom actually was here, but for all intents and purposes, she might as well have been somewhere else.
Janine looked away sadly.
"Come hang with me," I said on impulse. "I'll be with Lissa and Christian and his aunt. It'll be fun." "Really?" "Very fun." "That's not what I was asking about." I grinned. "I know. Just be there, okay?" He swept me one of the gallant bows he liked to make. "Absolutely." Mason wandered off just as Dimitri showed up for our practice. Talking to Mason had made me feel giddy and happy; I hadn't thought about my face at all with him. But with Dimitri, I suddenly became self-conscious. I didn't want to be anything less than perfect with him,
Mason just glared at Dimitri.
and as we walked inside, I went out of my way to avert my face so he couldn't look at me full-on. Worrying about that brought my mood down, and as it plummeted, all the other things that had been upsetting me came tumbling back. We returned to the training room with the dummies, and he told me he simply wanted me to practice the maneuvers from two days ago. Happy he wasn't going to bring up the fight,
"Thank you," Abe and Alberta said at the same time.
"Smart boy," Olena and Yeva smiled at Dimitri.
I set to my task with a burning zeal, showing the dummies just what would happen if they messed with Rose Hathaway. I knew my fighting fury was fired up by more than just a simple desire to do well. My feelings were out of control this morning, raw and intense after both the fight with my mother and what I'd witnessed with Lissa and Christian last night. Dimitri sat back and watched me, occasionally critiquing my technique and offering suggestions for new tactics.
"How long do you think he's gonna last?" Victoria asked her sisters
"Not long," Karolina answered shaking her head.
"Last for what?" Mark asked
"Before he corrects her or says something stupid," Sonja smirked.
"Your hair's in the way," he said at one point.
"Told you," Karolina smiled, Dimitri just glared at them and shook his head.
"Not only are you blocking your peripheral vision, you're running the risk of letting your enemy get a handhold." "If I'm actually in a fight, I'll wear it up." I grunted as I shoved the stake neatly up between the dummy's "ribs." I didn't know what these artificial bones were made of, but they were a bitch to work around.
"Well that is the point," Alberta shook her head.
I thought about my mom again and added a little extra force to the jab. "I'm just wearing it down today, that's all." "Rose," he said warningly. Ignoring him, I plunged again. His voice came more sharply the next time he spoke. "Rose. Stop." I backed away from the dummy, surprised to find my breathing labored. I hadn't realized I was working that hard.
Mark looked at the book questioningly before looking at Janine then Dimitri.
"Were missing something," Mark remarked.
"Rose pissed her mom off then her mom gave her a black eye and Rose also has a crush on her mentor," Adrian smiled wickedly at Dimitri who just glared at him.
"There is something more," Oksana added.
"The book will say," Alberta smiled.
My back hit the wall. With nowhere to go, I looked away from him, directing my eyes toward the ground. "Look at me," he ordered. "Dimitri -" "Look at me." No matter our close history,
"Oh this is going to be funny," Mark laughed.
he was still my instructor. I couldn't refuse a direct order. Slowly, reluctantly, I turned toward him, still tilting my head slightly down so the hair hung over the sides of my face. Rising from his chair, he walked over and stood before me. I avoided his eyes but saw his hand move forward to brush back my hair. Then it stopped. As did my breathing. Our short-lived attraction had been filled with questions and reservations,
"Oh you are so dead," Oksana said looking at Dimitri then at Abe who nodded.
but one thing I'd known for sure: Dimitri had loved my hair. Maybe he still loved it. It was great hair, I'll admit. Long and silky and dark.
Abe smiled happy that Rose loved her hair which she had inherited from him.
He used to find excuses to touch it, and he'd counseled me against cutting it as so many female guardians did. His hand hovered there, and the world stood still as I waited to see what he would do. After what seemed like an eternity, he let his hand gradually fall back to his side. Burning disappointment washed over me, yet at the same time, I'd learned something. He'd hesitated. He'd been afraid to touch me, which maybe –just maybe-meant he still wanted to.
Dimitri nodded without thinking. Thankfully the only people who saw his nod was Ivan, Mark and Oksana.
He'd had to hold himself back. I slowly tipped my head back so that we made eye contact. Most of my hair fell back from my face -but not all. His hand trembled again, and I hoped again he'd reach forward. The hand steadied. My excitement dimmed. "Does it hurt?" he asked.
"You are an idiot," Ivan hit Dimitri over his head.
The scent of that aftershave, mingled with his sweat, washed over me. God, I wished he had touched me. "No," I lied. "It doesn't look so bad," he told me. "It'll heal." "I hate her," I said, astonished at just how much venom those three words held. Even while suddenly turned on and wanting Dimitri, I still couldn't drop the grudge I held against my mother.
"Don't think about that at the same time," Karolina shook her head.
"No, you don't," he said gently. "I do." "You don't have time to hate anyone," he advised, his voice still kind.
"Why did you have to be right," Abe asked sending Dimitri a glare.
"Not in our profession. You should make peace with her." Lissa had said exactly the same thing. Outrage joined my other emotions. That darkness within me started to unfurl.
"Duck," Mark said,
"Why?" Dimitri asked
"That darkness she mentioned can be very dangerous to the people she is mad at,"
"How do you know that?" Adrian asked
"Because that darkness is in every shadow kissed person. When a spirit user uses their powers they create darkness in themselves, when they are bonded with a shadow kissed person the shadow kissed person takes that darkness away. But the darkness doesn't disappear, it merely changes hosts and now the shadow kissed person has it. And they need to work it out of their system," Mark explained.
"Make peace with her? After she gave me a black eye on purpose! Why am I the only one who sees how crazy that is?" "She absolutely did not do it on purpose," he said, voice hard. "No matter how much you resent her, you have to believe that. She wouldn't do that, and anyway, I saw her later that day. She was worried about you."
Janine nodded but didn't say anything.
"Probably more worried someone will bring her up on child abuse charges," I grumbled. "Don't you think this is the time of year for forgiveness?" I sighed loudly. "This isn't a Christmas special! This is my life. In the real world, miracles and goodness just don't happen." He was still eyeing my calmly. "In the real world, you can make your own miracles." My frustration suddenly hit a breaking point,
"Run," Oksana shook her head, both she and Mark felt bad for Rose. They understood what she was feeling and wished that they could help her.
and I gave up trying to maintain my control. I was so tired of being told reasonable, practical things whenever something went wrong in my life. Somewhere in me, I knew Dimitri only wanted to help, but I just wasn't up for the well-meant words. I wanted comfort for my problems. I didn't want to think about what would make me a better person. I wished he'd just hold me and tell me not to worry.
"Oh I think he wants to, he's just being an idiot like always," Ivan rolled his eyes.
"Okay, can you just stop this for once?" I demanded, hands on my hips. "Stop what?" "The whole profound Zen crap thing. You don't talk to me like a real person. Everything you say is just some wise, life-lesson nonsense. You really do sound like a Christmas special." I knew it wasn't entirely fair to take my anger out on him, but I found myself practically shouting. "I swear, sometimes it's just like you want to hear yourself talk! And I know you're not always this way. You were perfectly normal when you talked to Tasha. But with me? You're just going through the motions. You don't care about me. You're just stuck in your stupid mentor role." He stared at me, uncharacteristically surprised.
Book Dimitri wasn't the only one who was surprised.
"I don't care about you?" "No." I was being petty -very, very petty. And I knew the truth-that he did care and was more than just a mentor. I couldn't help myself, though. It just kept coming and coming. I jabbed his chest with my finger. "I'm another student to you. You just go on and on with your stupid life lessons so that-" The hand I'd hoped would touch my hair suddenly reached out and grabbed my pointing hand. He pinned it to the wall, and I was surprised to see a flare of emotion in his eyes.
"This should be good," Victoria said looking at Dimitri who was trying his best to hide the emotions he was feeling.
It wasn't exactly anger...but it was frustration of another kind. "Don't tell me what I'm feeling," he growled. I saw then that half of what I'd said was true. He was almost always calm, always in control -even when fighting. But he'd also told me how he'd once snapped and beaten up his Moroi father. He'd actually been like me once
"Oh he still is he just know how to hide it better," Ivan shook his head, wondering when his friend is going to stop being such an idiot.
-always on the verge of acting without thinking, doing things he knew he shouldn't. "That's it, isn't it?" I asked. "What?" "You're always fighting for control. You're the same as me." "No," he said,
"Yes," All the Belikova's said at the same time.
still obviously worked up. "I've learned my control." Something about this new realization emboldened me. "No," I informed him. "You haven't. You put on a good face, and most of the time you do stay in control. But sometimes you can't. And sometimes ..." I leaned forward, lowering my voice. "Sometimes you don't want to."
"She's not wrong," Ivan smiled. Abe and Janine just glared at Dimitri, while Alberta hoped that book Dimitri would do the right thing.
"Rose..." I could see his labored breathing and knew his heart was beating as quickly as mine. And he wasn't pulling away. I knew this was wrong -knew all the logical reasons for us staying apart. But right then, I didn't care. I didn't want to control myself. I didn't want to be good.
"Well that is not normal Rose behaviour," Alberta said shocked
"It's because she is shadow kissed," Mark added
"How does that work?" Adrian asked
"Rose died and was brought back using spirits. That's what makes the bond, which means that Rose subconsciously remembers what it was like to be dead. So she's not going to waste her life. If she wants to do something she is going to do it." Oksana explained
Before he realized what was happening, I kissed him. Our lips met, and when I felt him kiss me back,
Abe and Janine glared at Dimitri, while Ivan just smiled proudly.
I knew I was right. He pressed himself closer, trapping me between him and the wall. He kept holding my hand, but his other one snaked behind my head, sliding into my hair. The kiss was filled with so much intensity; it held anger, passion, release... He was the one who broke it.
"Of course he did," Ivan hit Dimitri over the head again.
He jerked away from me and took several steps back, looking shaken. "Do not do that again," he said stiffly. "Don't kiss me back then," I retorted. He stared at me for what seemed like forever. "I don't give 'Zen lessons' to hear myself talk. I don't give them because you're another student. I'm doing this to teach you control."
"You're doing a great job," Abe remarked.
"You're doing a great job," I said bitterly. He closed his eyes for half a second, exhaled, and muttered something in Russian. Without another glance at me, he turned and left the room.
"Smart." Alberta nodded. Oksana closed the book and held it up,
~~~~
I'll read next," Eddie smiled holding out his hand. The book was quickly passed to him.
Nine
I DIDN'T SEE DIMITRI FOR a while after that. He'd sent a message later that day saying that he thought we should cancel our next two sessions because of the rapidly approaching plans to leave campus.
"Sure, real original excuse," Ivan rolled his eyes, while Dimitri just rubbed his neck nervously.
Classes were about to end anyway, he said; taking a break from practice seemed like the reasonable thing. It was a lame excuse, and I knew that wasn't the reason he was canceling. If he wanted to avoid me, I would have preferred he made up something about how he and the other guardians had to up Moroi security or practice top-secret ninja moves.
"That would have made a more believable excuse," Victoria nodded.
Regardless of his story, I knew he was avoiding me because of the kiss. That damned kiss. I didn't regret it, not exactly. God only knew how much I'd been wanting to kiss him. But I'd done it for the wrong reasons. I'd done it because I was upset and frustrated and had simply wanted to prove that I could. I was so tired of doing the right thing, the smart thing. I was trying to be more in control lately, but I seemed to be slipping.
"Darkness mixed with being a normal teenager," Marks shook his head sadly.
I hadn't forgotten the warning that he'd once given me - that us being together wasn't just about age. It would interfere with our jobs.
"Bullshit!" Mark and Oksana said at the same time.
Pushing him into the kiss...well, I'd fanned the flames of a problem that could eventually hurt Lissa. I shouldn't have done it.
"Well, she's right about that," Abe and Janine nodded.
Yesterday, I'd been unable to stop myself. Today I could see more clearly and couldn't believe what I'd done. Mason met me on Christmas morning, and we went to go hang out with the others. It provided a good opportunity to push Dimitri out of my head. I liked Mason -a lot. And it wasn't like I had to run off and marry him.
"Oh, I think he's wishing for that outcome," Adrian laughed looking at Mason. Mason just glared at him, while Eddie nodded agreeing with Adrian.
Like Lissa had said, it would be healthy for me to just date someone again. Tasha was hosting our Christmas brunch in an elegant parlor in the Academy's guest quarters. Lots of group activities and parties were occurring throughout the school, but I'd quickly noticed that Tasha's presence always created a disturbance. People either secretly stared or went out of their way to avoid her.
"Well, that is one upside," Christian nodded.
Sometimes she would challenge them. Sometimes she would just lie low. Today, she'd chosen to stay out of the other royals' way and simply enjoy this small, private party of those who didn't shun her. Dimitri had been invited to the gathering, and a bit of my resolve faltered when I saw him. He'd actually dressed up for the occasion.
Olena and Ivan looked at Dimitri questioningly.
Okay, "dressed up" might have been an exaggeration, but it was the closest I'd ever seen him come to that. Usually he just looked a little rough...like he could spring into battle at any given moment. Today, his dark hair was tied at the back of his neck, as though he'd actually tried to make it neat. He wore his usual jeans and leather boots, but instead of a T-shirt or thermal shirt, he had on a finely knit black sweater.
"Oh, that's how he looks normally," Karolina shook her head, while Olena and Ivan relaxed.
It was just an ordinary sweater, nothing designer or expensive, but it added a touch of polish I didn't usually see, and good God, did it fit him well.
"I would bet if he wore a plastic bag Rose would still think he was the most gorgeous person in the world," Christian smirked,
"The same could be said about Lissa and you," Alberts nodded making Christian blushed.
Dimitri wasn't mean to me or anything, but he certainly didn't go out of his way to make conversation with me. He did talk to Tasha, however, and I watched with fascination as they conversed in that easy way of theirs. I'd since learned that a good friend of his was a distant cousin of Tasha's family; that was how the two of them knew each other.
Dimitri smiled fondly, while Ivan just rolled his eyes. He wished that Tasha and Dimitri had never become friends.
"Five?" asked Dimitri in surprise. They were discussing the friend's children.
"Wow," Dimitri said shocked.
"I hadn't heard that." Tasha nodded. "It's insane. I swear, I don't think his wife's had more than six months off between kids. She's short, too - so she just gets wider and wider." "When I first met him, he swore he didn't even want kids."
"Poor man," Adrian nodded trying to hold in his chuckle.
Her eyes widened excitedly. "I know! I can't believe it. You should see him now. He just melts around them. I can't even understand him half the time. I swear, he speaks more baby talk than English." Dimitri smiled his rare smile. "Well...children do that to people." "I can't imagine it happening to you," she laughed.
Everyone but Ivan and Belikova's looked at Dimitri and nodded agreeing with Tasha.
"You're always so stoic. Of course ... I suppose you'd be doing baby talk in Russian, so no one would ever know." They both laughed at that, and I turned away, grateful Mason was there to talk to. He was a good distraction from everything, because in addition to Dimitri ignoring me, Lissa and Christian were chatting on in their own little world too.
"Good thing she brought you along," Eddie shook his head, feeling bad for both of his friends.
Sex appeared to have made them that much more in love, and I wondered if I'd get to spend any time with her at all on the ski trip. She did eventually break away from him to give me my Christmas present. I opened the box and stared inside. I saw a string of maroon-colored beads, and the scent of roses floated out.
"What?" Everyone asked confused.
"What the ..." I lifted the beads out, and a heavy gold crucifix swung from the end of them. She'd given me a chotki. It was similar to a rosary, only smaller. Bracelet-size. "Are you trying to convert me?" I asked wryly. Lissa wasn't a religious nut or anything, but she believed in God and attended church regularly. Like many Moroi families who'd come from Russia and Eastern Europe, she was an Orthodox Christian. Me? I was pretty much an Orthodox Agnostic.
Everyone chuckled and shook their heads.
I figured God probably existed, but I didn't have the time or energy to investigate. Lissa respected that and never tried to push her faith on me, which made the gift that much weirder. "Flip it over," she said, clearly amused at my shock. I did. On the back of the cross, a dragon wreathed in flowers had been carved into the gold. The Dragomir crest.
"A family heirloom," Tatiana said shocked, she couldn't imagine why Lissa would give something like that away.
I looked up at her, puzzled. "It's a family heirloom," she said. "One of my dad's good friends has been saving boxes of his stuff. This was in it. It belonged to my great-grandmother's guardian." "Liss ..." I said. The chotki took on a whole new meaning. "I can't... you can't give me something like this." "Well, I certainly can't keep it. It's meant for a guardian. My guardian."
"That was really sweet of her," Alberta smiled.
"She really has a lot of faith in Rose," Oksana smiled,
"They grew up together," Alberta smiled.
I wound the beads around one wrist. The cross felt cool against my skin. "You know," I teased, "there's a good possibility I'll get kicked out of school before I can become your guardian." She grinned. "Well, then you can give it back."
"Yeah, even if Rose got kicked out, she would find a way to be Lissa's guardian one way or another." Mason shook his head.
Everyone laughed. Tasha started to say something, then stopped when she looked up at the door. "Janine!"
"Not good," Olena said looking at Janine, while Abe and Alberta glared at her.
My mother stood there, looking as stiff and impassive as ever. "Sorry I'm late," she said. "I had business to take care of." Business. As always. Even on Christmas. I felt my stomach turn and heat rise to my cheeks as the details of our fight came rushing back to my mind. She'd never sent one word of communication since it had happened two days ago, not even when I was in the infirmary. No apologies. Nothing.
Abe shook his head and looked away for Janine still mad at her.
I gritted my teeth. She sat down with us and soon joined in the conversation. I'd long since discovered she could really only talk about one subject: guardian business. I wondered if she had any hobbies. The Badica attack was on everyone's mind, and this drove her into a conversation about some similar fight she'd been in. To my horror, Mason was riveted by her every word.
"Bad move Mas," Eddie shook his head, wondering why his best friend was such an idiotic sometimes.
"Well, decapitations aren't as easy as they seem," she said in her matter-of-fact way. I'd never thought they were easy at all, but her tone suggested that she believed everyone thought they were cake. "You've got to get through the spinal cord and tendons." Through the bond, I felt Lissa grow queasy. She wasn't one for gruesome talk.
"Most Moroi's aren't," Adrian shook his head.
Mason's eyes lit up. "What's the best weapon to do it with?" My mother considered. "An axe. You can get more weight behind it." She made a swinging motion by way of illustration. "Cool," he said. "Man, I hope they let me carry an axe."
All the guardians in the room looked at Mason, who was blushing fiercely.
It was a comical and ludicrous idea, since axes were hardly convenient weapons to carry around.
All the guardians nodded agreeing with Rose.
For half a second, the thought of Mason walking down the street with an axe over his shoulder lightened my mood a little. The moment quickly passed. I honestly couldn't believe we were having this conversation on Christmas.
"Agreed," Olena nodded.
Her presence had soured everything. Fortunately, the gathering eventually dispersed. Christian and Lissa went off to do their own thing,
"I wonder what," Eddie chuckled, Christian glared at him.
and Dimitri and Tasha apparently had more catching up to do. Mason and I were well on our way to the dhampir dorm when my mother joined us. None of us said anything. Stars cluttered the black sky, sharp and bright, their glitter matched in the ice and snow around us. I wore my ivory parka with fake fur trimming. It did a good job keeping my body warm, even though it did nothing against the chilly gusts that seared my face. The whole time we walked, I kept expecting my mother to turn off toward the other guardian areas, but she came right inside the dorm with us. "I've been wanting to talk to you," she finally said.
"Took you long enough," Abe said looking at Janine.
My alarms clicked on. What had I done now? That was all she said, but Mason picked up on the hint immediately.
"Smart," Eddie nodded.
He was neither stupid nor oblivious to social cues, though at that moment, I kind of wished he was. I also found it ironic that he wanted to fight every Strigoi in the world but was afraid of my mother.
"Oh, we all are," Dimitri nodded.
He glanced at me apologetically, shrugged, and said, "Hey, I've got to get, um, somewhere. I'll see you later."
"You two are horrible," Olena said looking from Mason to Dimitri and then back to Mason.
I watched with regret as he left, wishing I could run after him. Probably my mom would only tackle me and punch my other eye if I tried to escape. Better to do things her way and get this over with. Shifting uncomfortably, I looked everywhere but at her and waited for her to speak. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a few people glancing over at us.
"Everyone is waiting to see if you two were going to fight again," Alberta said with no emotion.
Recalling how everyone in the world seemed to know about her giving me the black eye, I suddenly decided I didn't want witnesses around for whatever lecture she was about to unleash on me. "You want to, um, go to my room?" I asked. She looked surprised, almost uncertain. "Sure." I led her upstairs, keeping a safe distance away as we walked. Awkward tension built between us. She didn't say anything when we reached my room, but I saw her examine every detail carefully, as though a Strigoi might be lurking in there.
"Or to try to learn more about Rose," Janine said looking sadly at the book. Abe just looked at her wondering.
I sat on the bed and waited while she paced, unsure what I should do. She ran her fingers over a stack of books on animal behavior and evolution. "Are these for a report?" she asked. "No. I'm just interested in it, that's all." Her eyebrows rose. She hadn't known that. But how would she? She didn't know anything about me. She continued her appraisal, stopping to study little things that apparently surprised her about me. A picture of Lissa and me dressed up like fairies for Halloween.
"Now that is something I would love to see," Adrian smirked. Dimitri, Abe, Ivan and Christian glared at him while Mason and Eddie shook their heads, there was no way they were going to say that they had a group photo of that party.
A bag of SweeTarts. It was as though my mother were meeting me for the first time. Abruptly, she turned and extended her hand toward me. "Here." Startled, I leaned forward and held my palm out underneath hers. Something small and cool dropped into my hand. It was a round pendant, a small one -not much bigger than a dime in diameter. A base of silver held a flat disc of colored glass circles. Frowning, I ran my thumb over its surface. It was strange, but the circles almost made it look like an eye.
Abe looked shocked at Janine; Janine just smiled happy that Rose would get the necklace. Abe was shocked, he did not know that Janine still had it.
The inner one was small, just like a pupil. It was so dark blue that it looked black. Surrounding it was a larger circle of pale blue, which was in turn surrounded by a circle of white. A very, very thin ring of that dark blue color circled the outside. "Thanks," I said. I hadn't expected anything from her. The gift was weird -why the hell would she give me an eye?-but it was a gift.
"Because it was mine," Abe said blinking.
"I... I didn't get you anything." My mom nodded, face blank and unconcerned once more. "It's fine. I don't need anything." She turned away again and started walking around the room. She didn't have a lot of space to do it, but her shorter height gave her a smaller stride. Each time she passed in front of the window over my bed, the light would catch her auburn hair and light it up. I watched her curiously and realized she was as nervous as me.
"That is understandable," Alberta said shaking her head.
She halted in her pacing and glanced back toward me. "How's your eye?" "Getting better." "Good." She opened her mouth, and I had a feeling she was on the verge of apologizing. But she didn't.
"You three are too stubborn for your own good," Alberta shook her head, annoyed with both Abe and Janine.
When she started pacing again, I decided I couldn't stand the inactivity. I began putting my presents away. I'd gotten a pretty nice haul of stuff this morning. One of them was a silk dress from Tasha, red and embroidered with flowers.
Ivan rolled his eyes, he was not going to start liking Tasha just because she was being nice to Rose.
"Olena, can I have your phone?" Yeva asked looking at her daughter. Olena looked at her questioningly but gave her mother her phone.
"This is not going to end well," Ivan shook his head.
My mother watched me hang it in the room's tiny closet. "That was very nice of Tasha." "Yeah," I agreed. "I didn't know she was going to get me anything. I really like her." "Me too." I turned from the closet in surprise and stared at my mom. Her astonishment mirrored mine. If I hadn't known any better, I'd have said we'd just agreed on something.
"Shocking," Olena shook her head.
Maybe Christmas miracles did happen.
That got a few chuckles. Yeva smiled and started recording with the phone.
"Guardian Belikov will be a good match for her."
"Say what now," Ivan asked looking at Dimitri, who looked just a confused as everyone ells.
"I -" I blinked, not entirely sure what she was talking about. "Dimitri?" "Guardian Belikov," she corrected sternly, still not approving of my casual way of addressing him. "What... what kind of match?" I asked.
"That I would like to know as well," Olena said looking at her son, wondering what he had done.
She raised an eyebrow. "You haven't heard? She's asked him to be her guardian -since she doesn't have one." I felt like I'd been punched again. "But he's...assigned here. And to Lissa." "Arrangements can be made. And regardless of the Ozera reputation...she's still royal. If she pushes, she can get her way."
Ivan glared at the book; he was really starting to hate Tasha. Olena shook her head, she can't imagine her son leaving Rose or Lissa just to guard his friend, but the smile on her mother's face made her wonder what more was coming. Abe and Janine looked pleased at the idea of Dimitri being Tasha's guardian, as that meant Dimitri would be far away from their daughter.
I stared bleakly into space. "Well, I guess they are friends and everything." "More than that -or possibly could be." Bam! Punched again. "What?" "Hmm? Oh. She's... interested in him." By my mother's tone, it was clear that romantic matters actually held no interest for her. "She's willing to have dhampir children, so it's possible they might eventually make an, um, arrangement if he were her guardian."
It was completely quiet while everyone processed what they had just heard. Ivan looked at Dimitri for a few seconds before he sprang on his best friend. Dimitri was knocked off his seat, Ivan hit him wherever he could while yelling different things at him in Russian. Yeva was laughing as she watched her grandson get his ass handed to him by his friend. Olena was shell shocked, she knew that her son wanted children, but she couldn't imagine him having children with anyone other than Rose now.
"Tasha!" Punch "What the hell." Punch "She's horrible," Punch "Vindictive," Punch "And just horrible," Punch, "You will not," Punch "Rose is a wonderful girl," Punch "and you will not ruin that by sleeping with TASHA!" Punch "Seriously Tasha of all people," Ivan yelled looking at his friend who looked up at him shocked. Yeva was enjoying herself, Ivan shook his head and got off his friend.
"I won't let you ruin your life by doing this." Ivan glared down at Dimitri. Ivan held out his hand to Dimitri, who took it hesitantly. Ivan pulled him up and the two sad backdown, Olena looked at Dimitri and just shook her head.
Oh. My. God. Time froze. My heart stopped beating. I realized my mother was waiting for a response. She was leaning against my desk, watching me. She might be able to hunt down Strigoi, but she was oblivious to my feelings.
"Well, he was saved at that moment," Adrian shook his head. Abe and Janine nodded, both of whom were glaring at Dimitri. They were hoping that he would take Tasha's offer.
"Is ... is he going to do it? Be her guardian?" I asked weakly. My mom shrugged. "I don't think he's agreed to it yet, but of course he will. It's a great opportunity." "Of course," I echoed. Why would Dimitri turn down the chance to be a guardian to a friend of his and to have a baby? I think my mom said something else after that, but I didn't hear it. I didn't hear anything. I kept thinking about Dimitri leaving the Academy, leaving me.
"Oh Roza," Olena said wishing that she could hug Rose. Janine also wished she could hug her daughter at that moment.
I thought about the way he and Tasha had gotten along with each other so well. And then, after those recollections, my imagination started improvising future scenarios. Tasha and Dimitri together. Touching. Kissing. Naked. Other things ... I squeezed my eyes shut for half a second and then opened them. "I'm really tired." My mom stopped mid-sentence.
"I wonder what Janine was telling Rose," Eddie said looking at Janine.
I had no idea what she'd been saying before I interrupted her. "I'm really tired," I repeated. I could hear the hollowness in my own voice. Empty. No emotion. "Thanks for the eye...um, thing, but if you don't mind ..." My mother stared at me in surprise, her features open and confused.
"It must have been important," Abe shook his head sadly.
Then, just like that, her usual wall of cool professionalism slammed back into place. Until that moment, I hadn't realized how much she'd let it up. But she had. For just a brief time, she'd made herself vulnerable with me. That vulnerability was now gone. "Of course," she said stiffly. "I don't want to bother you." I wanted to tell her it wasn't that. I wanted to tell her I wasn't kicking her out for any personal reason. And I wanted to tell her that I wished she were the kind of loving, understanding mother you always hear about, one I could confide in.
Karolina, Sonja and Victoria looked at their mother lovingly, while Janine just felt ashamed.
"I love you, mommy," Paul said hugging Karolina happy that she was his mother.
Maybe even a mother I could discuss my troubled love life with. God. I wished I could tell anyone about that, actually. Especially right now. But I was too caught up in my own personal drama to say a word. I felt like someone had ripped my heart out and tossed it across the other side of the room.
Ivan hit Dimitri again and shook his head. Ivan at that moment believed that his best friend was the biggest idiot in the world. Hell, even Christian was feeling bad for Rose.
There was a burning, agonizing pain in my chest, and I had no idea how it could ever be filled. It was one thing to accept that I couldn't have Dimitri. It was something entirely different to realize someone else could. I didn't say anything else to her because my speech capabilities no longer existed. Fury glinted in her eyes, and her lips flattened out into that tight expression of displeasure she so often wore. Without another word, she turned around and left, slamming the door behind her. That door slam was something I would have done too, actually. I guess we really did share some genes.
"More than you know," Abe and Alberta shook their heads. They too were curious to know what Janine had been telling Rose.
But I forgot about her almost immediately. I just kept sitting there and thinking. Thinking and imagining. I spent the rest of the day doing little more than that. I skipped dinner. I shed a few tears.
"Uncle Dimka is mean," Paul said sadly. Dimitri looked at his nephew sadly, Karolina nodded, agreeing with with her son.
But mostly, I just sat on my bed thinking and growing more and more depressed. I also discovered that the only thing worse than imagining Dimitri and Tasha together was remembering when he and I had been together. He would never touch me again like that, never kiss me again... This was the worst Christmas ever.
"Okay well, that took a very depressing turn, who would like to read next?" Eddie asked holding up the book.