Sometimes Jane is mean. Sometimes she's abrasive and harsh, rude and abrupt, even to Maura, and she wonders why she puts up with it. She's met Frank and Angela, and both of Jane's brothers. The brothers have a kind edge to their harsh words, and Maura can tell Angela's intent isn't unkind, but Frank...
Maura can see where she gets it from. Knows it's protective colouring. But it doesn't - or shouldn't - mean that Maura deserves to put up with it. Not when she knows Jane is capable of soft, loving kindness. Not when Jane's are the arms that catch her when she falls, the arms that she sinks into when she experiences any kind of loss.
When they're alone, Jane doesn't usually snipe at her. It's almost like it's a defensive habit to protect them both from the rumours that fly around the precinct about their relationship. Jane probably thinks she's protecting Maura, but Maura's overheard a lot of the masturbatory theories their colleagues have about them, and things like needing to take decontamination showers in the lab together and wearing each other's clothes just fuel the fire. Maura takes notes, though, because she's never had another woman and the inventive descriptions that these theories include are not unappealing. But Jane always ruins it by mocking her - her habit of explaining things with a little too much breathless excitement, her penchant for fashion in a job that exposes her to so many biohazards. Maura only wants to have sex with people who like her, and while she knows Jane must like her - their hugs, the time they spend together outside work - she also wants whoever she sleeps with to treat her nicely, and often Jane doesn't. It's the only reason Maura hasn't seduced her yet.
Maura's considered changing her job. She could set herself up on the council and take a backseat, assigning a different ME to the precinct, go back to oversight and paperwork rather than cases. And once she's in council, she can work her way to Senator, and then Governor. She could enact a lot of change in Massachusetts. Her family is rich and influential enough that she would be set for life, no matter what she did. And if she didn't work closely with Jane, perhaps Jane would stop taking her for granted, might respect Maura during their time together. It's all speculation, though, and as cruel as Jane is to her sometimes, Maura is scared that spending less time together will make Jane drift away, that they'll never see each other if they don't work together.
Either way, something has to change.
And when she walks into the precinct she wants to confront her, tell her she deserves better. But Jane looks up from her computer, her face a snarl of a scowl.
Maura takes a deep breath before she walks in. She's not even holding coffee even though she knows Jane has been here all night. Has been working all night.
And Jane's eyes catch on Maura and stay glued to her as she approaches. The first thing Maura notices is how the tension immediately eases from Jane's face and shoulders. The frown melts from her face. Then Jane's eyes crinkle as she looks at Maura, her mouth tilting up into an honest smile, her expression soft and unguarded. Then her eyes slip down to take in Maura's outfit, from her hairstyle down to her shoes, checking her bag and watch to see what kind of mood Maura is in. Her eyes widen a little, as though she knows she's in trouble. And then Jane is springing to her feet, grabbing Frost's chair and swinging it around next to her so Maura can read her second screen, their hands brushing over the mouse as they read through case files together; it's between them so Maura's right hand and Jane's left hand can manipulate it. When Jane's fingers brush hers, Maura can see a blush on Jane's cheeks. She can almost feel Jane's heightened heartbeat thrumming along with her own faster pulse. Frost brings the coffee and Maura returns his chair with a demure smile, leaning over Jane to see her screen, her chest level with Jane's head when she turns, her eyes wide as she struggles to tear her gaze away and find Maura's eyes instead. When Maura sips her coffee and turns back to Jane to tell her she'll be in her office, Jane has already drank her coffee and is now staring openly at Maura.
And Maura knows she won't say anything to Jane. She knows how Jane feels about her, and while they're at work she tries to cover it up. They both do, a little. But the way Jane looks at Maura when she walks into a room, the way Jane always looks at Maura speaks volumes more than her words. Jane looks at Maura like she's sunshine in winter, and Maura always tries to make sure she brightens her day.
Notes:
A little Taylor Swift headcanon as to why Maura puts up with some of the things Jane says to her. A little bit of a prequel to Running Up That Hill.