Maura knows about string theory, and multiple timelines and multiple universes.
She knows that in at least one she leaves Bass at home and because she's not looking after him, she's shot in the basement of the precinct out of hand, terrified alone and afraid. In one of those, maybe Jane shows up in time. Maybe Jane has to watch her die. Maybe Jane cradles Maura's lifeless body to her chest, crying out wordlessly into the empty precinct until the gunmen come for her too. There's comfort in the idea that their bodies are found together in that world, that they died the way they lived - entwined.
She holds Jane's hand. She's been out of surgery for a while but she hasn't woken up yet. Maura is still covered in Jane's blood, and Frankie is still in surgery. When he comes out he'll be all alone because Maura hasn't been able to reach Jane's parents, and there is no world in which she leaves Jane's bedside.
In another world, maybe Jane doesn't grab the radio. Maybe Danny kills the three of them, Jane standing protectively in front of Maura the way she had been all afternoon. Maybe the bullet that pierces Jane's chest also penetrates Maura's. One bullet, both of their blood on it.
Maura looks up at the screen. Jane's heart beats steadily. She raises their joined hands to her lips, watching Jane's face. She lets her lips brush Jane's fingers, her eyes closing as tears leak from them.
In another world, Maura could have got out sooner. Done something so Jane didn't have to shoot herself. She could have tackled Danny when he wrenched Jane away from her. Could have taken the bullet herself. But she's not brave like Jane. She's just steady, methodical Maura. She can't read and assess situations like Jane can. She can't make decisions like that on the fly. She doesn't have the instinct for it, and Jane is all instinct. But Maura was safe - and Frankie wasn't. She knows Jane didn't take this bullet for her. In another world though, Jane would.
But they're in this world. And Jane is sleeping soundly. The way Maura knows she sleeps, because sometimes Maura sleeps next to her. And there is no world - no universe - no timeline - in which Jane wouldn't sacrifice her own life for Maura's.
She'd been considering this because Jane had been making her watch all these awfully unscientific television shows that claimed to be science fiction but were far more fiction than science. She'd been wondering if there was a universe in which Jane could love Maura.
She looks down at Jane's peaceful face and presses a kiss to her friend's sleeping cheek. She used to envy that world. But right now she's glad she is in this one.
In this world, Jane lives.
And if Jane lives, all futures are possible and infinite.
And in one of those futures, Maura can tell Jane she loves her. Jane blinks awake. Eyes focus slowly on Maura, then a smile creeps across her face and her hand tightens on Maura's.
"Hey," Jane says sleepily. "You're okay."
Maura sobs out a laugh of relief.
"I'm fine. I'm not the one that shot myself."
"Oh yeah. That hurt. Still hurts. All my guts back inside?"
"Yes." Maura chokes back another sob.
"Is that all my blood?" Jane asks, eyeing Maura, seeing the tear trails that have cut through the dried blood on Maura's face. Maura looks down as though she'd been unaware that Jane's blood splattered her shirt, covered her hands and was swiped across her face, caught in her hair.
"I had to - my bare hands - I'm sorry. they flushed the wound, the risk of infection is minimal, especially since I wore gloves while working on Frankie. I-"
"Mau," Jane cuts her off. "Thank you." Maura looks up at Jane's face which is unbearably soft as she looks at Maura. "I mean it. You saved my life, didn't you?"
"Your surgeons and the blood donors did that," Maura says curtly. "Although my initial triage and first aid was instrumental to getting you to both of those."
"And Frankie?"
"He'll be - he's in surgery, but it's looking good. They've been giving me updates. I can't - I can't reach your parents."
"You wouldn't give me hope if there wudden't none, wouldya?" Jane asks, and Maura shakes her head.
"He'll have a long recovery - so will you. They have you on a lot of painkillers."
"Yeah, they're nice," Jane hums, sighing. Maura holds up some water for her, holding the straw, watching Jane's dry lips close around it. "You need a shower, hun."
"I needed to make sure for myself. That you hadn't sustained undue damage."
"I feel good, Maura, really." Jane waves off the water. "Take care of yourself. I'll be here when you come back. I'm pretty sleepy anyway." Jane fakes a yawn, and a nurse comes in. She doesn't look surprised to see Maura there, or to see the amount of dried blood on her.
"Oh good, you're awake." Maura excuses herself while they run Jane through the insurance and post-surgery rundown. She washes her hands in the bathroom, the pink water running and running. Jane's blood might have been the last thing Maura had left from her when she was alive, and now she's letting it wash away like it's nothing. She wipes her face, removing whatever makeup has withstood the last fifteen hours. She swallows and meets her eyes in the mirror.
"You look nice," Jane says. She has the morphine pump in her hand, the button depressed. The nurse is gone, and Jane's eyes are dilated. "Way nice."
"You're a sight for sore eyes yourself," Maura tells her, sitting back beside her and taking her free hand again.
"I mean it," Jane says, her eyes soft as she looks Maura over. She's seen Maura without makeup before but Maura still feels fragile and vulnerable without it, especially when Jane looks at her like that. "I've never been so glad to see anyone in my life."
It sounds like - but Jane has had a lot of painkillers and sustained bloodless and a major injury. Nonetheless, Maura leans forward and presses her lips to the corner of Jane's mouth. When she feels Jane press back, she covers Jane's lips with her own, closes her eyes, feels her heart lifting from the long, stressful day - Korsak has promised to take care of Bass for the night, and Jo and Spud - Jane's own African spurred tortoise. Frankie is holding his own, and the repair reports she hears are all very clinical and promising. And Maura is kissing Jane, very softly and carefully, and equally sweetly Jane is kissing her back.
Maura pulls away, a little ashamed of her display of affection.
But this is her world.
And all is well within it.