Jane calls at 3 a.m. sometimes. Maura has a ringtone for her, so she doesn't have to wake up and announce herself when she hears the noise. She answers and says 'hey' and listens to Jane ask over and over if she's okay, making affirmative little noises, the phone line staying open until dispatch calls or their alarms go off.
It never occurs to her that she could ask Jane to stop, or to block Jane's number between midnight and 6am, because Jane is so panicked and breathless when she calls that it would be cruel to leave her alone and worried. And she also worries that if she did, Jane would wake Angela up and get her to check, or she'd send out the squad cars. Or get dispatch to call instead, or Jane herself would show up and she has a key so she'd come crashing into Maura's bedroom in the middle of the night in her singlet and shorts she sleeps in in summer, and she knows Maura sleeps in the nude. And Jane might call her for work, or with an idea to solve a case, or to come over in the middle of the night. They've both been kidnapped too often for Maura to ever want to have a missed call from Jane.
It hasn't put a damper on Maura's social life. She didn't have one before, just a sex life. If Ian showed up now, she'd turn him away. She works with the police, and while she loves him, Jane has taught Maura that she deserves better. So the phone calls don't bother Maura. It's nice to feel someone worried about her. It's nice to feel like someone cares about her so much that in the few hours they spend apart they have to check in. It's always nice to hear Jane's voice late at night, when it's low and husky. It's always nice to think about Jane in her sleepwear, her long limbs stretched out. It's always nice to hear how concerned she is about Maura's safety.
But they work long hours, and one night Maura thinks she's plugged her phone in (she needs a new one, the battery life lasts much less time than her shifts do) but instead she's just jammed the charger against the headphone jack and fallen asleep across the bed. It's hot, and she's tired. It's an easy mistake to make.
Jane lives a twelve minute drive away at this time of night. It's 3:07 a.m. when Jane bursts into Maura's bedroom, throwing herself on the enormous bed, climbing onto Maura's prone body and using two fingers to check Maura's pulse at her neck. Maura startles awake, surprised at pressure on her throat. She's plagued with nightmares too, and she struggles against the threat, tipping Jane onto the bed beneath her with one of the moves she learned in one of her martial arts classes, pressing Jane down with one hand against her chest.
Jane knows where she is, so she doesn't fight back, just reaches up to hold Maura back with a hand against her chest. Maura pauses with one arm drawn back. Jane reaches for the bedside lamp and switches it on, so Maura blinks down at Jane, then up at her raised fist, then they both look down at Maura's unclad body.
Jane's eyes catch on Maura's chest. Her hand rests between the bared breasts, her fingers splaying over the softness of Maura, the bone of Maura's sternum hard under her palm. Then Jane's eyes slide further down, to the junction of Maura's thighs over her hips where Maura straddles her. Jane has a muscular, firm body beneath her skin-tight tank top, and Maura can see every muscle in her stomach contract as her eyes meet their destination.
It doesn't help, because a moment later Maura feels the stilted twitch from Jane's hips, Jane struggling desperately not to push up against Maura, her breath completely caught, her eyes impossibility dark. Maura looks down at her best friend, her confidante, her protector, hears the taut little whine against Jane's closed lips.
And she has mercy.
"Why didn't you call?" Maura asks, her voice low. Jane doesn't answer; she still hasn't drawn breath or made eye contact. Maura leans over to grab her phone and Jane's arm bends to allow the motion. Maura feels one of her breasts brush against Jane's face, and she's trying not to press down against Jane now, the hand on Jane's chest now aware of a softness she hadn't noticed when she'd thought she was being attacked. Jane's breath is warm and coming fast, and Maura feels her nipple harden in anticipation, feels Jane's hard nipple against her palm. Feels Jane's increased heartrate under her fingers. She shakes her head and tries to focus on her phone.
The charger falls away and the screen stays black. Maura removes her hand from Jane's chest and plugs it in and the battery icon comes on. She looks at the screen in consternation, aware vaguely that one of Jane's hands is resting over her hip to help her balance now that Maura has removed her hand from Jane's chest. Maura's aware that she is resting more firmly atop Jane now, Jane's short shorts cool against her heated flesh, Jane's pubic bone hard and uncushioned beneath her. Without the aircon and with the obvious rush Jane had to get over here, Jane's hand is burning hot against her bare skin, and Maura wonders for a moment the benefits of turning on the air conditioning. There's a different heat rising from beneath her, and she's not sure which of them it rises from. Maybe both of them. Probably both of them. She presses the power button, watches as the phone boots, avoiding Jane's eyes. Jane, who is still trapped beneath her. 3:10 a.m., 4% battery, 16 missed calls.
"I plugged it in," Maura says, rubbing her face and yawning. She turns the lamp off, lying back down, carefully pulling herself off of Jane, careful not to brush too much against her. Jane still hasn't spoken, and her breath is coming in gulped gasps. The nightmares. The reason Jane calls. "If you stayed here, you wouldn't have to call," Maura says reasonably. "It's 3 a.m.."
Out of some kind of habit Maura doesn't know - it sounds like a conditioned response, like a script, Jane says "I must be lonely."
Maura sighs. She knows she's worth more than just loneliness, and she thinks Jane's trying to shirk off her obvious response to Maura they both noticed as mere loneliness. She's aware of the signs of arousal in many species of mammals. She's been aware, vaguely, of her own response to Jane - which is normal, most women have some level of sexual attraction to other women, especially when they're so attractive and affectionate and protective. She's also been aware that Jane has exhibited several signs of attraction to Maura. None had, however, been as clear as the raw appreciation on Jane's face when Maura had been straddling her. The tilt of Jane's hips, pressing up into Maura. Jane's heady pulse thrumming against Maura's core. Maura knows that if she doesn't address it now, Jane will deny it in the morning.
"I can't help but be scared by it all sometimes," Jane whispers, and Maura wonders if Jane means her attraction to Maura or the nightmares, or the serial killers she faces or the sad, tragic deaths they face every day. But Jane wraps her arms around Maura, and Maura is too weak to challenge Jane when she is being soft enough to hold Maura the way she asks to be held when someone tries to kill her without having to be asked. If she turns around now and kisses Jane, Jane might let her, or she might run out into the night. And while Maura doesn't mind one night stands, she knows her nudity implies that they'd be free and clear to consummate. But she wants more from Jane. She doesn't want to fall asleep sated but uncertain that Jane would be there in the morning. She wants to know that Jane would mean it. Maura knows whatever they did together would be amazing, but she knows Jane would withdraw, be ashamed of her want. She'll be a little homophobic - not to Maura, but to herself. This isn't the way to start a relationship with Jane, and Maura wants a relationship with Jane more than she wants to attend to the throbbing want Jane's burning hands over her ribs has awakened.
That Jane hasn't mentioned Maura's state of undress and is holding her regardless is a good sign. Jane shifts behind Maura, and the press of her soft cotton against Maura's bare skin is so comforting. It feels like acceptance. Like Jane has grown up a little bit. She hasn't asked Maura to dress, and she's not pulling away. She wants to ensure Maura is safe and comfortable more than she wants to deny that she enjoys Maura's body.
"I'm okay," Maura tells Jane, noticing only now that Jane hasn't asked her usual question. Jane chuckles behind her, her thumb running over the ridge of Maura's ribs. "I'm better than okay, now that you're here."
And outside, it starts raining.
Notes:
I think I'm 80% done with the book either way I'll send it off at the end of the month so I can think about literally anything else.
If I don't immediately start another one, I might be around more?