Tales of the Falls
I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!
...
Dipper was very disconcerted. When he, his sister and friends found a secret door to the north pole in Gravity falls...they'd been expecting a lot of things...but they hadn't been expecting this!
They expected gumdrops and candy canes, instead they found factories and pollution...
They expected a fat and jolly st. nick instead they found a thin, sickly, withered old man...
And when they introduced themselves, they expected leaping for joy at the idea
nice kids coming to visit him and inviting them in for cookies an early gifts...instead..."Oh, Frack me! Like I don't have enough on my plate delivering those stupid toys!"
"Wait...you don't like delivering gifts?" asked a confused Wendy. Santa sneered and rolled his eyes. "Oh, of course I do. Who doesn't love delivering a million gifts to a billion people all in one night?" said Santa sarcastically.
"Huh, when he puts it like that it dose seem unpleasant." Admitted Soos sagely with a nod.
"B-but your santa...aren't you suppose to be happy and jolly?" Asked a confused and slightly horrified Mable.
Santa let out a sad sigh. "I used to be, a long time ago. I made toys for little boys and girls. I loved my work, and they loved me. But it just got out of hand. The world's population kept growing and growing. Kids wanted more toys, fancier toys! We used to make wooden choo-choos and rag dolls. You ever try to make an iPod?! I've got orders for millions of 'em!"
Everyone suddenly turned to look at Tambry who was currently fiddling with her iPod. Suddenly feeling awkward and ashamed, she slowly put it away...Santa shook his head in disgust as he gestured to his factories.
"Look at the toxic waste we're producing. In fact, I think the toxins are taking even more of a toll than the inbreeding!"
I-inbreeding?" Cautiously asked a very frightened Dipper. Santa threw open the doors "Take a look!" Shouted santa. The group gazed in horror as a group of hideously deformed elves did back-breaking labor that even sweatshops would consider cruel.
Santa lead them further inside. "I started with one family of magic elves, but every year I needed more and more to keep up. Now they're just a sickly race of mutated genetic disasters. At least 60% of them are born blind."
At that moment an elf nailed his hand to a toy...and screamed in agony!
"The workload destroys them, but they don't know anything else. It's gotten so bad their instincts take over, and near the end, they just walk out into the snow and die."Said Santa as the group watched in disgust and disbelief as one elf did just that. Before anyone could move to help him-
ROAR!
A herd of reindeer jumped from the darkness and ripped the elf to pieces. Several of the kids began to vomit. All the while Santa continued his tale- "Then the reindeer eat them, which has turned the reindeer into wild, feral creatures with a blood-lust for elf flesh. I don't even pray for them anymore. Seems pointless. What God would allow this?"
"B-but this is in none of the poetry and songs!" shouted the devastated Mable. She then turned to Santa. "How could
you let this happen?!" "Me?!" Shouted an outraged Santa. "I didn't do this! Christmas did!"
…...
(DRAMTIC MUSIC STARTS)
Each bell would peal with a silvery zeal as the holiday feeling was filling us!
But now instead, all we are feeling is dread,
Because Christmas Time is Killing Us!
Each Christmas List gets us more and more pissed,
Until the thought of existence is chilling us
I'll tell you what, shove your list up your butt!
Because Christmas Time is Killing Us!
Mable desperately tries to save the situation, by getting into the song.
But can't you see that all you do, is a dream come true?
Can't you see that every smile makes it all worth while?
Santa simply shouts back-
No, screw you! it's all but through, there's too much to do!
All those dreams are nightmares, and blank icy stairs!
Each little elf used to fill up a shelf making playthings and selflessly thrilling us
Now they're on crack and it feels like Iraq
Because Christmas Time is Killing Us!
Each model train only heightens the pain of the workload that's straining and drilling us
Fingers all bleed, and look that guy just peed
Because Christmas Time is Killing Us!
Once more Mable enters the song with the hope of brightening the situation.
But can't you see from our point of view? We rely on you!
Can't you see that Christmas cheer, gets us through the year?
Santa just sighs-
My whole crew is black and blue, can't you take a clue?
You may think I look great, but I'm 28!
Each jingle bell is a requiem knell,
And while you think it's swell we are toiling in hell!
Take a look, you can tell, as a man, I'm a shell
Because Christmas Time is Killing Us!
KILLING US!
BECAUSE CHRISTMAS TIME IS KILLING US!
The Elves finish the last verse by mass-hanging themselves-
…...
with the song finished. Santa then coughs up a galleon of blood, collapses, and is rushed to the infirmary stage right...
...…...
TO BE CONTINUED?
AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Publish a chapter of my 'Shake up the Falls' Challenge before anyone else and I'll update the next chapter this plus two other stories!
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