"Do I have to?" I groaned petulantly. If I wasn't in public, my whole body might have flopped like a disgruntled child.

"Yes," Tasha said as she flipped through her magazine, Lissa sitting beside her with a grin, "It'll be fun."

"But all people are going to do is take pictures of my ass," I grumbled.

"And your boobs, they're the real selling piece," Tasha said with a smirk. I rolled my eyes and took the articles into the changing room to try them on. My usual place to buy a bathing suit was Wal-Mart, but now we were at some bikini boutique and I had no idea what to get. There were so many different options and styles. I was used to the basic triangle bikini.

Tasha had hired on another staff member, one that was designated to assist me with day-to-day things, someone to help style me for events. I thought it was stupid, but Dimitri was right; I was growing quickly in popularity, and he had hoped that he could 'brand' me.

Not in a malice sense, but more in a way to market. He wanted us to use the opportunity to get some of my work out, but I was skittish at the idea. So we were starting small, working on a piece together.

The first bikini I tried on was okay, not anything to call home about. The next few were nice, but all I could think of was the odd tan lines it would give me.

"Can you at least show us some!?" Lissa called out, throwing another set over the top of the door. It landed on my face and I scowled even though Lissa couldn't see me. I tried on another one to please her and stepped out, placing my hands on my hips as I looked at her, raising my brows at them.

There wasn't a whole lot to it, mostly string, but the colours were nice. Tasha looked up from the magazine and pursed her lips.

"I think that's a little too much boob. We don't want to give the man a heart attack," she said and stood up, looking through the racks and plucked off a few. Lissa picked out the first handful, not thinking of the large difference in our body structure. Tasha brought back a few more, speaking to the assistant about the colours and styles she thought were best for me.

"Try these," she said, "And I'll look at some wraps too."

I rolled my eyes and went back into the changing room, trying them on. My phone buzzed in my purse and I pulled it out, sighing quietly.

Neither you nor Tash are answering your phones. Should I be worried? -D

I snorted a laugh and typed a reply.

She's making me try on bikinis—something about needing to be ready for the tour.

I set the phone down and tried on the next one, not completely hating it. It was a pale yellow that offset my skin tone, making it look darker and more golden. The little white flowers on it were a little prissy, but it was still nice. And it fit me nicely. I snapped a quick pic of it to Dimitri with a question mark for his opinion and then stepped out and held my hands out to the sides. Tasha smiled and nodded.

"That's a good one. The style suits you as well," Tasha said pointing at the bikini. I nodded and went back into the changing room, gathering up the ones I did like and leaving the ones I didn't like. When I came out Lissa looked a little disappointed that I didn't pick any of the ones that she choose, but I explained that it was because the style didn't work for my body type.

"I want you to take notice of the style that Rose chooses while we're walking around today. I don't want to lose herself when you're picking out clothes. She's not overly glam, she's more comfortable with a swing of old Tumblr. Do not put anything pink in her wardrobe unless she explicitly asks for that item. She will throw it out, or burn it," Tasha explained while the assistant took notes. I felt a little bad that I didn't know her name, but she hadn't introduced herself to me.

"No pink?" she asked with a pinched face.

"No pink. The closest you can get rose gold and nothing rose-themed."

I smiled and the assistant furrowed her brows. "They've only been together for a few months, how do you know all of this already?"

"The three of us grew up together. I'm a few years older than them and my brother was part of their group. I've known Rose longer than I've known Dimitri," Tasha explained. I snickered quietly and set my folded items on the counter, pulling out some cash. Tasha made a face at me and slid a card across the counter to the girl behind the counter.

"I put you through clothing torture, this one is on me," Tasha said before turning her attention to Lissa. I shrugged it off, knowing when to fight and when not to. I could usually convince Dimitri to let me pay every other time, but Tasha would put it on her business card.

"Have you heard anything back from the bank yet?" Lissa whispered to me.

I shrugged. "Yes and no. They won't cover all of the costs. I still have to pay something like four hundred for fees, but it's better than what I thought it was going to be," I said, "It's a bit relieving."

Lissa smiled and let out a small sigh. "That's good to hear. I know Mildred was talking about taking out a loan to help you."

I rolled my eyes. "That woman," I said quietly, but I knew that she meant it in good heart. She didn't want to see me struggle.

"She loves you," Lissa said softly with a smile, "You're lucky to have that."

I looked at Lissa. "I'm sorry," I whispered but Lissa shook her head.

"No, what I mean is, you're lucky that you found someone who sees you as their child. I know that Mom loved you, but even I could see the divide. You deserve to feel that love too."

I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and hugged her gently.

"Thank you," I said.

Lissa nodded and ran a hand through her hair. "What do you think of Maria?"

"Who?"

Lissa's eyes flicked toward Tasha. "Your assistant?"

"Oh. She didn't even introduce herself to me," I said with a shrug. Lissa shook her head and looked at Tasha.

"You should introduce yourself if you're going to be working with Rose," Lissa said.

Maria looked up and then at Tasha. "I'm working with Tasha."

"No, you were employed by me to work with Rose," Tasha returned with a raised brow, "Being Rose's assistant is setting you up for a lot of opportunities, remember that."

I bit my lip and took my bag from the cashier, smiling at her politely as we left. My phone buzzed again and I smirked.

"Dimitri said to check your phone," I called over my shoulder to Tasha, a grin on my face.

She rolled her eyes. "Why can't he bug Ivan today?" she chuckled before her face fell. "Oh boy."

"What?" I asked.

"Somehow someone figured out why you were in the foster system," she said and shook her head. "I need to do damage control."

Tasha said something to Lissa before leaving, Maria sort of lingering nearby awkwardly. Lissa opened her phone and looked at her Instagram feed and then her Google feed, shaking her head.

"Probably best not to be in public right now," she said and took my hand.

I knew that the media knew how to spin a story, but even this was worse than I thought it could be. Some were close to the truth, some blamed me, and some twisted the story beyond recognition. And that meant the masses were outside of my apartment.

Judie shook her head slowly as she looked out the window, one baby in her arms while the other was in the bassinet.

"This is ridiculous. They're pariahs," she said and looked at me. I shrugged and looked into the bassinet. She had twin girls, much to everyone's surprise. They thought they were having boys, and instead, two beautiful girls.

"Yeah," I said and shook my head. I hadn't heard from Dimitri since the mall, and I wasn't sure what he was up to. All Tasha would tell me was 'damage control'.

"Have your friends said anything?" Judie asked. I shook my head. Lissa drove me home, but couldn't stay because of work, Mia and Mason were mostly radio silent these days due to being parents to a newborn, and Eddie was travelling Germany. The time change alone was hard for conversation.

"So…what happened to Jeremey?" I asked slowly, "I saw him when you came home from the hospital, but I haven't really seen him since."

Judie shrugged. "I kicked him out. He was sleeping around with a girl he worked with. My name is on the lease," she said, "Besides, he didn't want to be a dad. And he wouldn't have been a good father."

I pursed my lips and wasn't sure what to say. "Good for you?"

Judie smiled. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm hurt, but I'm trying to focus all of it on my daughters."

I nodded and set my phone on the coffee table, turning my phone to do not disturb because the notifications were driving me crazy.

"Can I?" I asked, gesturing to her daughter. She nodded and smiled, rubbing her hand over the baby's back. I leaned over the bassinet and picked up the baby, cooing at it quietly as I held her.

"Did you figure out what to name them?" I asked with a smile.

"Gloria and Lily," she said gesturing first to the baby she was holding and then to the one I was holding. I smiled and rocked Lily gently, smiling at her.

"Do you want them? Kids, I mean?"

I shrugged. "One day, I mean, I'll have to adopt or use a surrogate, but maybe one day. Growing up in the foster system truly puts everything into perspective."

Judie seemed to understand where I was coming from, looking out the window again with mild disgust on her face.

"You know, if you want to be sprung, I have a wig in my closet from Halloween," she said, "Plus I think the babies might like some fresh air. We could go get a coffee and then go to the park?"

I chuckled. "How bad is this wig?" I asked.

She slipped out of the room and came back a few minutes later with a surprisingly good-looking blonde wig.

"I was Barbie," she said with a shrug. I wasn't sure how much a wig was going to help me, but it was better than nothing. I set Lily down and then went into the bathroom, putting on the wig. I still looked like me, but not really. Judie brought a long sundress into the bathroom and smiled.

"It's completely not you," she said. I chuckled and shut the door to get changed. When I came out, I looked less like me and more like someone else. I got Charlie's leash on and helped situate the girls before daring to leave.

"They may let us out simply because we have the babies with us," Judie said, but I could see she was slightly apprehensive.

"I won't let them touch your babies," I said reassuringly. Judie nodded and gripped the handle of the stroller when the elevator hit the ground floor. I switched places with her, giving her Charlie while I took the stroller. I made sure the sunshade covered both girls completely before we made out way out of the building.

There was a bit of clamouring, but I kept my face down a bit and let Judie do the talking. A few people had the decency to let us out and we made it down the block before I let out a breath.

"Oh, thank God," I laughed, glancing behind me to make sure they weren't behind us.

"Glad that worked," Judie said with a smile, switching places with me so I had Charlie. The walk to the little coffee stand was quick and once we were in the park, I let out a deep breath. Judie rocked the stroller gently, sipping her iced latte contently. I tossed the ball back and forth with Charlie, taking the time to relax and unwind.

"I'm going to guess all the crap they're writing is fake? About your mom?" Judie said after a few minutes.

I shrugged. "Not all of it," I said and threw the ball again for Charlie to catch, "She had an illness, and she couldn't be the mom I needed. She needed the drugs and the booze more than me."

Judie nodded and sighed quietly. "And that scar on your wrist? How many times did she burn you before someone took notice?"

I glanced at the small circular scar on my wrist. "You noticed that?" I asked.

She held up her wrist. "I have a matching one," she said quietly, "I think I was drawn to Jeremey because he reminded me of my dad when he was good. And then near the end, he was just like my dad all the time."

"Cigars or cigarettes?"

"Pall Mall's," she said, "They smelled horrible."

I scrunched my nose. "It wasn't the burns they noticed, it was the fact that they could see my ribs through my shirt. And even then, they barely fit. She forgot I was in the house once for an entire weekend. Didn't cook, and I didn't know how to use a stove so I just ate cereal and cheese sandwiches because she was passed out most of the time."

Judie lifted the shade and peaked at the girls before closing it.

"People can tell you that they understand, that they can sympathize, but unless you've been there, you can't. It's like telling someone who lost a leg understand what they're going through but you've never lost a limb."

I nodded. "My therapist as a child said I tried to suppress a lot of memories, but also said it's why I acted out so much as a teenager. She said I was 'vying for the attention I never received from my mom, regardless of the type of attention'. And she was right. I wanted someone to look at me, and not necessarily pity me, but notice that I exist. There was a teacher I had in high school that would let things slide everyone once in a while, or would buy a chocolate bar on my birthday, or coffee in the mornings. She really tried, and I didn't see it at the time, but she cared."

"You're lucky you got out, I had to run away to get away from it all, and even then, he dragged me back," Judie said, "Does it make me a horrible person if I say that when he died I didn't even shed a tear? I laughed."

I shook my head. "No. It doesn't," I said plainly and sighed, tilting my head up towards the sun and letting my elbows rest on the back of the bench. Judie sighed too and soothed the girls gently as they started to fuss.

"Nobody understands what it means to survive," Judie whispered, "But do we ever really break free of the pattern? I mean, I went from drunken, abusive asshole to another."

I lifted my head and looked at her. "I like to think we do. You broke the pattern. You choose your children over a man, regardless of the fact that he was their father."

She pursed her lips. "Your dad never did anything?"

I shook my head. "I don't even know his name," I mused quietly, "I just know that I look like him. She told me that often when she was drunk and angry. You look just like him, and he robbed me of everything!"

"He robbed her of nothing," I whispered to myself and took a drink of my coffee, "But she robbed me of a childhood."

Judie bit her lip and tossed the ball for Charlie to catch when he dropped it into my lap.

"Did you ever talk about it, I mean, other than right now in depth?"

I shook my head. "No. I kept it pretty bottled up, I mean I spoke to my therapist when I was in foster care, but that's it. I mostly just used my emotions to fuel my writing. Even as a child, I wanted to be a writer, but it hasn't taken me anywhere yet."

Judie smiled at me. "I'm sure it'll take you somewhere. I mean, you could end up writing Dimitri's next hit single and blow everyone out of the water," she laughed.

I snorted a laugh and shook my head. "Probably not, but at least I can say I'll get a lot of inspiration while on tour with him," I said with a grin, "International tours take you all sorts of places. The only places I can remember are Russia and France."

"Well, then write to your heart's content. Sell your poetry, write a book. You could earn a pretty penny with it," she said and I cocked my head at her.

"What? I had a friend who was in your class and used to bring me her newspapers," she said with a shrug. I shook my head at her and groaned when Charlie slobbered all over my leg, but I scratched his head anyways.

"I meant to thank you for cleaning up my apartment when I went into labour, and finishing the cribs. It meant a lot. I was doing it all on my own," she said softly, "And the caddy had everything in the right places."

"I couldn't leave the place looking like that knowing a baby was coming soon."

"Either way, it meant a lot," Judie said with a smile. I sighed quietly and smiled at her.

Let me know what you think!:)