A/N: Something I've been wanting to write for these two forever. Please enjoy 3.
.
He wished that he could erase these feelings in his heart.
It wasn't supposed to happen. You weren't ever supposed to fall for your best friend. Boys and girls could be friends without feelings. That had been their friendship their entire lives. Since they met at 5 years old, slinging mud at one another.
But now he was on the cusp of 18 and he couldn't stop thinking about what it would be like to kiss his best friend.
Hayama Akito was hopelessly, ridiculously, and frustratingly in love with Kurata Sana.
And he hated every minute of it.
Growing up together, they had seen each other through the worst and best of one another. She helped him deal with his family issues, control his temperament, and push him to follow his passions. He had supported her when she first started acting, when her mother's book was released, and her secret was exposed to the world and helped her navigate through school and work balance.
Sana, being one of the most famous child stars in Japan these days, worked a lot through school. Sometimes, she would be gone for months at a time. Other times, she would take breaks and focus on school.
But even through all her absences, they still found time for one another. Whether it be through phone calls or random visits, they were at each other's side.
Akito didn't know when it happened. One day, they were 5 years' old, sticking their tongues out at each other, Akito pulling her hair and Sana smacking him upside the head. The next, he was 16 years old, wanting to grab her face and just kiss her senselessly.
Of course she didn't know how he felt because why would she?
She was the most dense and naïve person he had ever met. Unless it was outright told to her, she would never know. And their friends all knew this. Tsuyoshi always looked at him with pity, urging him to confess his feelings. That always earned him a few kicks. Fuka would roll her eyes at them both, and always harshly whisper to him to just be honest with his feelings.
Honest. With his feelings.
For the one person in his life that never strayed.
Even when they fought and were on the cusp of breaking apart, they always found their way to each other.
Akito could argue that him holding back his feelings were for the best. That nothing good would come from a confession. But there were times where she just looked at him. And everything else blurred around him. And the confession was at the tip of his tongue.
But then the moment would disappear, and he would resign himself.
On the precipice for just a moment, only to retreat.
Akito already wasn't great with expressing his feelings. So stoic and apathetic, most people didn't think he had any. And he wasn't doing anyone any favors when he rarely showed changes in his expression. But the right people knew.
One of the more challenging issues with having feelings for your best friend was the jealousy that came with it.
Most guys were easy to thwart off. The guys at school rarely tried anything with her since Akito was always at her heel. But, in the acting world, he was on the outside. He would learn about suitors from her after they've already made their pass at her.
He wasn't the first person Sana talked to about boys. No, that was Fuka and Aya's job. But Sana would get around to telling him eventually. Most of the time, it amounted to nothing as Sana didn't care too much about boys and relationships.
That was until Kamura Naozumi came into the picture.
Having very similar backgrounds, Kamura and Sana bonded quickly over their shared trauma of being abandoned at birth and their life as famous child stars. One would even argue that Kamura was more popular than Sana.
But their friendship always left Akito anxious.
Because he knew Kamura loved Sana.
The damn guy had the nerve to confront him and tell him so.
"I love Sana. And I want to make her mine one day."
With a smirk and confident gleam in his eyes, Naozumi found him at a school event he visited for. Akito glared and had the urge to knock him upside the head but knew Sana would kill him for that.
"I wonder… Hayama-san… do you love her too?"
Akito didn't answer but the look on his face told Kamura everything he needed to know.
"You're important to her. You come up in almost every conversation. But I wonder, could I change the narrative?"
Naozumi left those hollow threats with him, sauntering off like he won a battle. And it left Akito frustrated and angry as hell. Because it was then that it hit him. He very well could lose her if he hadn't already.
Time seemed to be ticking.
The closer to graduation, the closer he was to losing her.
And he knew that it was dramatic thinking something like that. Because he knew he was important to Sana. And despite how busy she was, he knew she would always make time for them and their friendship.
But that was it, wasn't it?
Their friendship.
Even the most important friendships fade.
What if it was something more? Could it be? Did she like him like he liked her? It was always so hard to tell since she pretty much treated everyone the same.
And that was where he was left today. Sitting in an empty dojo, his mind racing with thoughts of her. Always her. No matter what he did to distract himself, Sana always festered her way into his mind.
Sighing frustratingly, he decided that karate today was pointless, and he would just go home.
"Leaving already, Hayama-kun?" His sensei walked up to him with a soft smile and the blond nodded solemnly.
"I'm not very focused today. Sorry, Sensei."
His sensei nodded along and smiled knowingly at him. "Yes, I could tell you weren't quite yourself. What's on your mind? Maybe I can help."
Akito bit the inside of his cheek, not sure if he wanted to let his Sensei in on something so personal. But then again… the only advice he was given was all unsolicited. And it wasn't anything he wanted to talk to his family about. His father loved Sana and would accidentally spill his secret. As for his sister… he could already hear her gushing. Might be worth hearing an outsider's perspective.
Double checking that no other of his classmates were around, he sighed deeply.
"I – I have these uh, these feelings. And I don't know what to do with them."
"Feelings?" His Sensei asked with an arched brow.
Grabbing the back of his neck, Akito felt it burn under his touch.
"I just – this person. I don't know if I should tell them."
Like a light bulb snapped on, his Sensei's face lifted in realization.
"Ah, I see." Akito swallowed the golf ball in his throat. "And how long have you liked Kurata-san for?"
"I dunno. A long time I guess – hey, wait? How did you know?" Now he felt like his face was on fire as he looked back at his Sensei.
His Sensei chuckled and Akito felt small. "Whenever she comes to your matches, you always seem to do just a little bitter, Hayama-kun."
It was silly to think about how back then, he only joined karate because he wanted to compete with Kamura. Kamura made a comment about how Akito's lack of involvement in something was a turn off and that turned him to this extracurricular.
But it turned into something much bigger. A fire was ignited, and Akito found a passion for the sport. And while Sana was originally shocked, she was even more so supportive.
"Wow! Karate, huh? What the heck brought that on? Well! I guess it'll be good for all that pent up anger to go somewhere, huh Lone Wolf?!"
She came to lots of his matches and karate practices. Sana even made it to a couple of his tournaments. Meaning, she had plenty of time to meet his practice mates and Sensei.
"So, what seems to be the problem?"
"Deciding if I should even tell her." He muttered, and his Sensei seemed confused.
"You've always been very honest with your feelings, Hayama-kun. What's stopping you now?"
What indeed was stopping him? Their friendship? What they had now? No. It wasn't that. Akito wanted to take the next step with her. Did he want to preserve their friendship? Sure. But what mattered more to him was her feelings for him.
"Her own feelings. I never know what she's thinking. Does she even think about me like I think about her?"
It was almost repulsive how lovesick he sounded.
"Love doesn't have to be so complicated. It's very simple when you get to the core of it. Either you love someone, or you don't. The only way to know is to ask."
Akito wasn't truly afraid of much.
Except that.
That terrified the shit out of him.
"How the hell am I supposed to ask her that…" He scratched the back of his head, thinking about how awkward that conversation would be. Sana wasn't typically the type of person to take things seriously unless she needed too. She would probably think he was pulling at her leg.
"Well, that's for you to figure out, hmm?" His Sensei smiled and Akito pursed his lips. "It's scary opening your heart. But isn't it worth it for that one person?"
And that was the question Akito was left to ponder when he left the dojo.
Was Sana worth it?
Worth every damn part of him.
When he got home, he quickly showered and laid out on his bed. His father left a note on the fridge stating he'd be home later and to go ahead and eat without him. Akito snacked a few granola bars to hold him over until then.
Looking at the ceiling of his room, he sighed.
His phone vibrated and he grabbed it off his desk.
From: Sana
1 image attached.
Hehe this cheetah doll reminds me of you!
Something stupid and childish like this shouldn't have made his lips pull into a smile, but it did.
To: Sana
I thought I reminded you of a wolf.
From: Sana
You have your moments.
Btw, what are you doing this weekend?! There's this new pop-up café I want to go too! PLEASE COME WITH ME :D
She doesn't ever have to beg him. He would literally go anywhere with her.
To: Sana
What's the theme?
Sure…
From: Sana
YAY! THANK YOU SO MUCH!
I'll ask Tsuyoshi, Aya, and Fuka if they wanna come too!
It's that new magical girl anime! EEEK! They have SO MANY CUTE lunch dishes and merchandise! And it's like the one weekend I have off the next few weeks, so THIS WORKS OUT PERFECTLY.
Akito was going to try and pretend he wasn't disappointed about her asking their friends to come along. But the slew of messages that showed her excitement quickly erased that.
So plans were set, and they took their conversation to their already established group chat. Tsuyoshi, Aya, and Fuka all agreed, and the plan was set.
He went back to his private conversation with Sana and scrolled through their text message thread. So many texts and pictures shared. If you looked at their call log, it was similar.
To: Sana
Have you ever wondered if we could be something more…?
Delete.
To: Sana
Do you think about me like I think about you?
Delete again.
To: Sana
I love you.
Deleting the message, he threw his phone frustratingly on the bed. Running his hands down his face, Akito groaned out loud, laying his head back against his pillow.
"This shit sucks."
He muttered to no one but himself. Giving himself a few minutes, Akito decided to let it go for now. The blond would have plenty of time to mull it over tomorrow. Forcing himself out of bed, he made his way downstairs to eat and then do some homework before school tomorrow.
His thoughts could wait.
.
It was a chilly morning and Akito was standing outside the Kurata household. With a beanie on his head, a jacket secured about his long sleeve shirt and some jogger pants, he waited on someone to answer the door to the Kurata household.
"Good morning, Akito-kun!" Shimura, the Kurata's longtime maid, said cheerfully as he walked inside. He nodded and muttered a small greeting before stepping inside.
"Sana-chan is still getting ready, but she will be down shortly! Please, make yourself at home as usual!"
The maid didn't wait on a reply as she sauntered her way back to the kitchen and Akito found his usual spot in the living room.
"Akito-kun. Hello."
Kurata Misako came strolling on her usual red car, a smile graced on her face. Mako, the squirrel that lived on her head, popped it's head out and waved. He returned the gesture to the animal with a short wave.
"Yo." He greeted. And while to some Japanese families, that would be disrespectful, he had a long-lasting relationship with the Kurata household. This home was basically his second home since he and Sana had become friends so many years ago.
"It's been some time since you've come to visit us. How are you?"
"Busy with karate, school, university applications."
Misako smiled as she came to a stop on the other side of him. "Ah, yes. How goes those applications?"
"Not bad. Dad and Natsumi are helping me. Helps having a sister in college."
"How is your dear father? And sister?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "Dad's dad. Still working hard. Natsumi… she's liking college. Has an internship with some marketing firm I think."
Sana's mom nodded as Shimura came into the living room with a tea set. She thanked the elder woman. Shimura had offered him some, but he declined.
"My congratulations to your sister."
"Sure. I'll relay the message."
And then they fell into a comfortable silence. Which was normal for the two. Sana usually broke the conversation when they were all together as Akito wasn't one for small talk. He scrolled through his phone as Misako read through her manuscript.
"ALL DONE!"
A loud screech was heard from upstairs, and this caused Akito to roll his eyes as Misako sighed tentatively.
Loud footsteps and a cloud of dust appeared from the top of the stairs as Kurata Sana ran her way down to the living room. Her hair was tussled, jacket and beanie in one hand, phone in the other. She was wearing a skirt with leggings underneath and a long-sleeved shirt. Her boots were already on as she jumped from the third step to the bottom.
In a dramatic fashion, she yelped something about hitting the landing, though Akito was sure she meant sticking.
When her eyes found him, her smile broke into a wide grin. Akito ignored the jump in his heart at the way her face lit up.
"AKITO!" She ran up to both her mother and him and stopped right in front of him. "Hey! Thanks for coming!"
"Sana, dear. You must be more mindful of the stairs."
The young actress turned to her mom and winked. "Oh, but I never miss the landing!"
"One day, you might." He added with a smirk, and she puffed her cheeks. When she did that, Akito wanted to grab them and kiss her senseless.
"I didn't ask for your opinion!" Turning quickly to her mom, she smiled at her. "Okay! We're off! See you later! Love you!"
Misako smiled hopelessly. "Be safe you two. Akito-kun, I entrust her to you."
He gave the award-winning author a thumbs up. Sana grinned as she grabbed him by the arm and pulled him out the door. "Let's go! Tsuyoshi and them are waiting!"
"Whose fault is that? I was here on time." He refuted and she blushed with embarrassment.
"None of that now! LET'S GO!"
Shoving them out the door and down her walkway, Sana was in the midst of putting her jacket and beanie on. Of course, being as chaotic as she was, nothing was put on right and as they walked to the train station, she was still fumbling with her coat.
"Hold on. You're fussing too much." Akito stopped in front of her, and she nearly ran into him. She made a small "eep!" sound, and the blond reached down for her buttons.
Avoiding her gaze, his hands replaced hers as he went to fix her coat. He slipped the buttons, one by one, into their respective holes and zipped up the top part of her coat. Her hands rested on his wrists lightly as he did so. Her touch was hot on his hands, and he felt his throat go dry.
Finally braving a look to her face, he resisted the urge to swallow the enormous golf ball in his throat. She was looking up at him with this unreadable gaze, eyes full of wonder and mouth partly opened. His eyes ventured down to her lips for a moment before they went back to her. The urge to just lean in was so strong. It took everything in him to hold back.
"Can't even put your damn beanie on right." He muttered, moving his hands to fix the hat on her head. Her eyes closed for a minute while he adjusted the beanie securely on her.
"There." He whispered, and she slowly opened her eyes. His hands were still on each side of her head.
And they just stared at each other, and Akito felt like he couldn't breathe. He could hear his heartbeat loudly in his ears. The air was cool enough that he could somewhat see their breaths.
Like a gravitational pull, why did it feel like they were getting closer together? Like she was leaning into him? He finally swallowed the gulf ball in his throat when his eyes went back down to her lips.
Was he pulling her? Or was she doing the same?
What was even going on right now?
BRRINNNNGGGG!
Both teens went wide eyed as they jumped away from each other as Sana's phone went off loudly. Face red, she looked down at her pockets and found the source of the noise.
"Ah, it's Fuka." She muttered, not looking him in the eyes.
Looking away from her, he rubbed the back of his neck, and inwardly groaned.
What was that?
What had just almost happened?
"I know, Fuka! We're on our way! Ugh, don't nag me so much, mom!"
Akito looked over at her, and she looked to him. Sana's eyes went wide for a moment before she turned away quickly. He noticed the redness lingering on her face.
"Yeah, yeah! See you there!"
Putting her phone away, she sighed loudly.
"That Fuka! Ugh!"
Looking down at his watch, Akito realized they were only a few minutes late.
"She can never give me a break!"
"It was your idea to go to this thing."
She threw him a glare and suddenly it was like moments ago never happened. She puffed her cheeks and crossed her arms.
"Not you too! Ugh, whatever! Let's go! Were already late!"
She briskly walked past him, and Akito rolled his eyes. Refusing to look him in the eye, Akito tried not think about that moment between them. It was too much to hope for, he decided. So when they got on the train, for a moment of truce, he showed her a picture of menu from the pop-up café.
Whatever lingering awkwardness there was, it dissipated as she excitedly thumbed through the menu. With stars in her eyes, she gleefully talked to him about the dishes she so desperately wanted to try.
Akito desperately tried to ignore the way she stood so close to him.
.
"Wow! That was a lot of fun, wasn't it guys?" Tsuyoshi smiled as he put away his merchandise into the pockets of his coat.
"Yes! Thank you for inviting us, Sana-chan!" Aya added and Sana nodded in triumph.
"I saw the advertisement for it at the set the other day and well, I just couldn't miss out!"
"I wonder if they'll do any down in Osaka! I think Taka would really like this!" Fuka blushed slightly as the words left her mouth.
Sana grinned deviously as she elbowed her best friend she made in the bathroom. "I'm sureeee Takaishi would love to go with you, Fuka!"
Fuka's entire face went red as she frowned. "Oh stop! I don't need your teasing!"
Sana laughed, grabbing Fuka's shoulder.
"I don't see what's wrong with wanting to go out with your boyfriend. That's normal, Fuka-chan!" Aya lent her support and smiled at the brunette.
Akito watched silently as the girls all giggled about Fuka's relationship and Sana teased her relentlessly. For as honest and forthright as Fuka was, she was strangely very awkward and shy about her relationship with her boyfriend. Not in an embarrassed way, but more so like she wanted to keep it close to her.
He respected that.
"What about you, Sana-chan? Isn't there a special someone you'd want to bring to the café next time, huh? Just the two of you?" Fuka wriggled her eyebrows and elbowed her.
Akito felt a hitch in his breathing and Sana went wide eyed. Her cheeks immediately went red, and she put her hands up in defense.
"Ooooh Sana-chan! Yeah, someone like Naozumi-kun maybe?"
At that comment, Sana's entire face turned tomato red.
And the pit in Akito's stomach dropped.
"WHAT!? Naozumi-kun!? No, no! You guys got it wrong!" She shook her hands out in defense and the blond felt an ugly jealousy climbing in his throat.
"Oh come on, girl! He's cute! And nice and you guys work together all the time! Not to mention, he's singleeeee."
Akito could feel the pressure cracking under the surface, and he wanted Fuka to just shut. Up.
"Oh yes, Sana-chan. He is very handsome indeed! Blue eyes that just sparkle under the sun!" Aya added with a sigh and Tsuyoshi frowned.
"Hey now…"
"Oh, you know I'm just kidding, honey! I only have eyes for you!"
The frown on Akito's face deepened and he bit down hard on the inside of his cheek, trying to keep his emotions under control.
"Guys, guys! Naozumi-kun is just a friend! Just a friend! Besides, he doesn't think about me like that!"
"Puh-lease! That boy has the biggest crush on you!" Fuka said in a know-it-all tone and Sana's eyes grew at that.
"What?! No, no!"
Tsuyoshi's eyes ventured to him, and he could see the concern.
"I'm just saying Sana-chan… if you wanted it, he is right there." Fuka added and Akito decided he had enough.
Standing up abruptly from the table, it caught everyone by surprise, and he could hear Fuka yell "what the hell, Aki?!"
"I'm leaving." He grunted, trying to keep his voice at bay.
Not bothering to look at his group of friends, he grabbed his jacket and beanie, and headed to the door. Akito attempted his breathing exercises as he so dramatically exited the establishment, hating how much Sana had rubbed off on him.
Not listening to the calling of his name, he stormed out and threw his jacket on, stuffing his hands deep in the pockets and glared at every living thing that looked his way.
Akito had the urge to just hit something.
Fisting his hands in his pockets, he almost growled as the conversation replayed in his mind. And he remembered the way Sana's cheeks flared.
He knew they would make a great pair.
As much as he hated to admit it, Kamura Naozumi was a lot of things he wasn't.
Kind. Sensible. Charismatic.
He had a way with people that drew everyone in around him. Akito witnessed it first-hand a handful of times. He and Sana, as much as it killed him, they fit well together. He had seen their dynamics, on and off the set. They were compatible in every way.
What did Akito have to offer her?
How could he compete with that?
For the first time in a long time, Akito felt… defeated. What did he have to offer that was enough for Sana? Was he enough? He came with his own baggage, his own skeletons in the closet. Temper issues, mommy issues, his jealousy, and fits of anger. His lack of emotion and energy would never match her outspokenness.
The more he thought about it, the sourer his mood grew.
Damn it all.
As he stood in the empty park, Akito felt like he was splashed with a bucket of ice-cold water.
The realization sobered all his angry thoughts.
Why he was so scared to tell her how he felt.
Because he just wasn't good enough for her.
And he would never be.
A cold hand grabbed at his and he quickly turned around to see who was touching him so personally. Eyes steeled as Kurata Sana stared at him with a glare. Her cheeks, flushed as she panted.
Like she had run all the way over here.
"Yo – You can't – can't just take off like that!" she shouted at him, glare deepening. The hold on his hand tightened. "What's th – the deal anyway?!"
"Why did you just take off like that?"
Akito could feel it festering, building in his chest. The urge to just scream it at her! To tell her that he loved her! To tell her that he couldn't stop thinking about her! To tell her that he was absolutely crazy about her in every way. To tell her that he couldn't stand the thought of her being with anyone else.
"It's nothing. Forget it."
He tried to pull his hand away from her grip, but she refused to let him.
Glaring down at her vice grip on him, he looked back to her and frowned.
"It's not nothing! Akito, you stormed out of there upset about something! Don't just stand there and say that it's nothing."
There was the pressure again, and Akito had to stop himself from blowing his top.
"It's not important. So, just let it go." He forced through his teeth, and he could see the frustration rising in Sana.
"Not important?" She asked incredulously, taken aback by his tone, by his statement. "Akito, if you're upset, of course it's important to me!"
God damn it. Why do you have to be like this?
"I don't want to talk about it, okay? So let me go. And this will all blow over."
"Is this about Naozumi-kun?"
Akito steeled himself.
Yes.
No.
It was everything he represented.
Everything Akito failed to amount too.
"It is, isn't it? You never liked him since the day you met… why is that, huh? I never understood what the issue was between the two of ya!"
You don't get it because it's YOU. You're the issue. You have two guys in love with you and you don't even know it.
"Sana… let go. I don't want to talk about this." He tried again to rip his hold away from her grip, but she tightened it even more.
"No! We are going to talk about this! Cause honestly! It's ridiculous! He's my friend, and so are you! Naozumi is a nice guy, and important to me. I want the two of you to get along!"
Important to me.
Something snapped in him, and Akito just couldn't take it anymore. The frustration, the guilt, the pinning, the feelings he had for her. The lid, it wasn't keeping anything closed anymore. It was starting to spill out.
Hiding his eyes in his bangs, Akito surprised Sana by pulling his hand when she least expected it. It was his turn to grab her hand, tugging her towards him where they were only a few inches away from each other.
Her own eyes widened, and her mouth parted open slightly.
Akito glared harshly at her, but not in a 'I hate you,' type of way. In more of a 'God, why are you so frustrating?' type of idea.
He breathed into the limited space between them, starring down at her with every motion he could convey through his eyes.
"I don't want to hear about Kamura, okay? I don't care. I don't care if he's a nice guy because none of that matters to me." Akito breathed heavily, growling almost, the words right on the precipice.
She stared wide eyed, like she was trying to register the situation at hand.
"You want to talk? About this? Talk about why I stormed out? About why I'm so damn upset?"
She swallowed thickly, and he pulled away slightly.
"Sana… you – You are the absolute death of me." Akito started, the words heavy on his lips, cotton in his mouth. "I can't – I can't, I mean… fuck."
He cursed, trying to find the words, trying to string something together. Even now, as she looked at him in utter confusion, waiting for him to say anything, he couldn't tell her. He couldn't just say the words he had been wanting to say for so long.
And then, it hit him.
He was never great at saying what he felt.
But maybe…
Closing the gap between them, he reached for her cheek with his other hand and steadied her face. Her eyes grew even wider as he pulled in close to her.
Akito's eyes never left her as he stared at her with an extreme intensity. The blond was shaking inwardly, his heart racing so fast it made him tremble. Or maybe it was the cold. Or maybe it was the gravity of the situation.
Licking his lips, he looked down to hers for a moment and then back to her.
He dug his fingers into the back of her head and took the jump.
She tasted like the hot chocolate from the café. And her lips were dry from the cold and light wind. But there was warmth, and it tickled the inside of his chest. Akito didn't dare to open his eyes, or move his mouth, as much as he wanted too.
He just pressed firmly, waiting, hoping she would respond.
But then a few seconds passed, and nothing happened.
Reluctantly, he pulled back slowly. But he didn't go too far, and let his mouth linger just a few inches in front of her. When Akito opened his eyes, hers were closed. And scrunched together. He couldn't see what she was thinking.
Breathing heavily, it took everything in him to not kiss her again.
But fuck, did it feel like coming up for fucking air.
Sana slowly opened her eyes, quickly finding his. They grew wider and wider, and she was frozen.
"Wha – Why? Why did you do that?" She whispered, breathlessly into the small space between them.
To say he was frustrated was not enough.
"How could you be this dense?" He asked her, frowning. "I kiss you and you ask me why I did that? Seriously?"
Her confusion turned into anger as Sana glared at him. "Akito… I don't know unless you tell me! Like, are you just punking me right now?! Is this just a joke?"
Pulling away from her, Akito felt his own face turn to shock. He couldn't – did she really just ask him that? Punking her?
"You think – you think I'm just fucking around with you? You think this is a joke?"
"Well, I don't know! I don't know what to think because you won't tell me!"
This woman was absolutely maddening. How could she not know? Tell?! He kissed her and she thought he was fucking joking?!
"Fucking hell, Sana! How much more do I have to spell it out to you!? This isn't a joke! It never has been!"
Why couldn't he just say it?
"I don't understand!" Sana refuted, her voice growing louder.
"Why are you so fucking dense!"
"Because you never tell me what you feel! You never tell me your true feelings!"
Wasn't that the statement of the century.
"You wanna know the truth, then?"
"Yes! That's all I've ever wanted from you, Akito!"
"Fine! I love you, God dammit!"
If there was ever a time where the world ever went silent, it was now. Because everything around him was completely blocked out except for he and Sana.
Akito could hear his own panting, feel vividly the rise, and fall of his chest as he confessed his feelings for the girl in front of him. And damn, what a fucking relief it was.
Meanwhile, Sana was visibly taken aback by his confession as she took a step back from him. Eyes completely blown open; Sana stared at him with absolute shock. Maybe even a little bit of terror.
"Wha – what?"
He swallowed the thick knot in his throat and breathed deeply through his nose.
"I said… I said that I love you, okay? You wanted the truth and there you have it!"
Why did that feel so good to say, though? To finally release the feelings he had been holding for so damn long.
"You – you – "
"Damn it… this isn't how I wanted this shit to go. Damn it, Sana. You just had to push me there, didn't you?" Running his hands through his hair, he pulled off his beanie.
Akito spared a look at her, and she still seemed so shocked. Stuck in place. Her mind obviously still trying to figure out how to respond to him.
It felt like forever, them standing there, Akito waiting for her response. Waiting for… something, anything.
"Akito…"
The tone in her voice broke his heart just a little.
"Look, before you say anything, I get it okay? We've been friends since… fuck. Forever. I don't know how or when it happened, but it just did. And it drives me fucking crazy. Because it's you. And I. And I don't know. I just know that I do. And God damn it… I don't even know what I'm saying anymore."
"I don't think I've ever heard you ramble so much, ya know." She smiled tightly at him, and it made his heart nearly burst.
"How long?"
"What?"
Sana looked at him curiously, head tilted to the side and damn it, what was she thinking?
"How long have you – have you loved me?"
"I don't know, Sana. I just know that this is what I feel. And it's been driving me insane."
She stared at him with an unreadable gaze and Akito felt like he was under a microscope. Like she could see every bit and piece of him.
"This is the most honest you've ever been with me, ya know?"
Maybe it has been.
He wasn't a liar. And she always appreciated that from him. Because Sana could always count of him to be completely truthful with her. Even if the truth hurt.
She stepped closer to him and suddenly she was only inches from him. His eyes went wide as she looked at him with conviction.
"So, let me be honest with you, okay?"
His entire mouth went dry, and all the air left his lungs. This look in her eyes, so confident, so determined… she was never timid or shy. Sana didn't back down and always fought for what she wanted. There was always a fire ignited. She was passionate about everything she did.
So, to see her directing it at him…
"I – I love you too, Akito."
Jaw to the floor, Akito felt like he was punched in the chest as those words left her lips.
"What?" He asked again, just for confirmation.
She scrunched her brows slightly. Her face was red.
"What? You didn't hear me?"
"I heard you. I just… say it again." He asked, begged.
He needed to hear her say it again. Just to be sure.
"That I love you?"
His heart galloped in his chest. He was pretty sure.
"Again."
"What?!"
"Say it again."
"Say that I love you? Akito, what is wi – mpfh!"
He didn't give her the chance to finish because he kissed her again.
Grabbing her face, he brought his lips to her and poured all his emotions and feelings and love into a single kiss. Caught by surprise, it took a moment for Sana to adjust but when he felt her kiss him back, it was over for him.
He pressed harder into their kiss, her hands covered his and squeezed them tightly.
Akito moved his mouth against hers, and she reciprocated the movement. He brought he closer, and he wanted more.
She tapped on his hand repeatedly, and she pulled herself away, panting slightly into his mouth.
"I – I can't breathe!" her face was red and hot, and he stared down at her with half lidded eyes and he realized he couldn't breathe either.
"Say it again." Akito asked her, looking right into her eyes.
She looked so pretty with her cheeks puffed under his touch, her face flushed with red, eyes glistening.
"Akitoooo…" she groaned with embarrassment.
"Please?" He breathed into her mouth, and she looked at him again with a face he didn't recognize.
"I love you."
It was all he needed to kiss her again. And again. And again. He was pretty sure the entirety of the park saw them making out, but Akito didn't care. Because Sana loved him, and he loved her.
She grabbed onto his coat tightly as he pushed further into her, his hands gripping her waist tightly.
"He – hey Akito?"
"Hmm?" he said against her teeth, against her lips.
"Does – Does this mean - "
The blond pulled away, but not too far, staring at her with curiosity as her face burned red.
"Mean what?"
She looked shyly down at her hands, that were clutching the front of his jacket. He could see the tension in her jaw.
With a determined look on her face, Sana looked up to him, the blush on her cheeks extending over her nose.
"That we're… dating?"
The blond stared at her for just a moment, and his insecurities came racing back to him. She loved him, and he loved her. But that didn't erase his feelings of not being good enough for her. In fact, he still very well felt that.
And maybe he should tell her… no he will.
But he knows what she's going to say and decides that he wants to be good enough for her. Akito wants to prove to everyone that he can be, will be.
"Is that what you want?"
Because he would do whatever she wanted.
And then she smiled at him, sloppy and uncoordinated but bright like she always had been.
"I would very much like that!"
Akito smiled.
"Then we're dating."
Her eyes shone brightly as she stared at his smile. And then he saw the tears accumulate in her eyes but before he could ask her what was wrong, she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.
Sana kissed him with everything she had.
The rest of the day sort of passed in a blur.
They held hands as he walked her home. They talked about them. And their relationship, and what that entailed. Were they going to tell people? Or just let them figure it out? They decided figuring it out would be much more fun.
What was going to change? Between them? Were they still them?
"I don't think anything changes between us other than now we can do couple things!"
"Yeah, that means I can kiss you whenever I want."
That earned him an embarrassed whack to the head.
The closer they got to her house, the quieter she got. Before he dropped her off at home, he asked her what she was thinking. She stopped in her walk and looked at him with some concern.
"You and I, Akito… we're still us, right?"
Stepping into the space between us, Akito reached for her cheek. He settled his hand to cup around her jaw, his thumb tracing her jawline.
"Yeah. We're still us."
"Because I have loved you forever. But I was so afraid – so afraid to say anything because I didn't want to change us. What we have… it's good. You're my best friend. I don't want to lose my best friend."
And he understood. Understood her feelings and concerns.
"I don't think I'm good enough for you." Sana frowned immediately, mouth opening to refute his statement, but Akito put his thumb to her bottom lip and that silenced her. "And it's the truth."
"You're scared because of what we have, and I'm scared because of what I don't. I think… it's going to be hard. But I think – I think we find ways to bridge what's there and what's missing and go from there."
He kissed her soundly, and she responded earnestly.
Was it crazy? Crazy that he could touch and love someone like this? Like they've loved each other for years.
Before they headed inside, Sana tugged on him slightly. She looked at him with conviction.
"Akito… for what it's worth… I do think you're enough."
He wanted to kiss her again. Throw her against the door. Take everything out of her. Did she know how crazy she drove him?
He would have to tell her.
Tell her how insanely in love he was with her.
But that could wait.
He had plenty of time.
A/N: Two dorks in love. And so afraid to just be honest. I hope you guys enjoyed reading this. Because I enjoyed writing it! I'm thinking of a more... mature sequel? Let me know what you think!
Until Next Time!
Dark Waffle