You had a weird dream last night. One that made you think.
In it, you didn't have hands and feet. Instead, you had surprisingly dextrous front paws and back paws, your entire body different, almost alien compared to your normal one. However, it didn't feel like that in the moment, everything felt completely normal.
You were all fuzzy, and exceedingly cute. That's right, you were a cat inside your dream, roaming empty streets and hunting for feathery meals, skittering snacks and even bringing divine justice unto anything with a little exoskeleton while you were at it.
Truly, you were the most majestic of majestic creatures. And, even now that you are awake, a purring, half-asleep Tabitha rubbing herself against your hand, it all feels like it was so… real.
You remember the feeling of the wind on your fur, your catty eyes piercing the dark of night with casual ease, concrete and metal under the soft pads of your paws, the anticipation and the excitement of a jump, a chase and a catch…
Which brings you to the part where you're thinking a lot, now. It was all so vivid, so real… Can you really be sure it was just a dream?
Are you just a magical girl that dreamed she was a cat? Or are you a cat, now dreaming it was just a magical girl?
Daddy, it's five in the morning and there's too much blood in our chocolate-stream. Go back to sleep and leave the deep philosophical shit for when sane people are up.
Rude. You are legitimately asking some of the big questions here.
"Prrr…" Tabitha rolls over, moving herself along your arm so she can stretch a paw out, its warm, soft underside patting your cheek.
You know what, not like Elena doesn't have a point. Returning the gesture, you pat your cat's head and let her rub it against your palm, slowly drifting back to sleep.
"Muhnyaaahn."
"That's a really cute yawn," Chuckie comments, handing out some delicious breakfast provisions as you sit there at the kitchen table, trying not to fall asleep. "Sleep well or the opposite?"
"Nnnnn," you make, blinking away some of the slumber persistently sitting in your eyes still. "Woke up early and couldn't sleep. Cuddled Tabitha for three hours instead."
"Well hey, at least she's happy about it," your chief housekeeper smirks, pointing towards the kitty-cat in question who is currently eating her kibbles like the good girl she is. You'd get up and watch her while she's eating, just because of how cute cats are when they eat or drink stuff, but you already had more than enough of her cuddliness for the morning and you kind of want some breakfast yourself.
Producing a few more bleary blinks, you suddenly realize that Mirasol is sitting at the table as well, already digging in while you're still struggling with the disorientation of being awake (and possibly thinking you are human, rather than a cat). "Hey, you alright there? I thought only us girls in the preggo club are supposed to be sick in the morning," she says.
"Munnings are meant to be wasted," you mumble, clumsily grasping the cup filled with apple juice mixed with carbonated water, as a replacement for a proper soft drink- after Chuckie insisted you stop drinking coke for every meal, you've had to get… creative in order to find decent alternatives.
All the more so seeing how coffee is basically poisonous to your taste buds these days. Absolutely undrinkable. The stuff just makes you retch.
"Yeah, I getcha. Morning people are just weird." Taking another bite out of her french toast, your vaguely simian daughter stretches, conspicuously showing off her swelling chest and belly both.
Her propensity for wearing small amounts of skin coverage made of literal leaves does make it easier to do that. Showing off, you mean- you would've managed to knock her up regardless of how many clothes she had on at the time either way.
"Mhm. Got a lot of stuff to do today, too. Lots of work." You finish drinking the simple, homemade drink out of your glass, the suchly acquired hydration making you feel a little more alive. "I don't wanna wooooork."
"There there, 'daddy'," Chuckie consoles you, dropping a plate piled high with freshly-made waffles before she sits down to eat herself. "You'll do just fine. And if you manage to get all that 'work' done, we might just have some chocolate cake for dessert in the evening…"
Motivation Surges Through You. You're still tired, but also just motivated enough to push through that.
First thing on your docket, before you can get back to dealing with whatever fresh hell the Collector has cooked up in some vain attempt to actually get you to react (which, for the record, is and remains solidly beyond its ability, anyone claiming otherwise is a lying liar who lies and also gets their arms chopped off), is to properly deal with the happenings of the first clash with the despicable auditor you are forced to deal with.
…Brian so owes you big time for this crap, by the way. You wouldn't have to deal with any of this if he hadn't managed to piss off literally everyone in whatever twisted, horrid working environment he used to haunt with his presence.
But to return to the matter at hand, you still have to properly punish Olivia for the impudent violation of her sacred position as your victim she committed. You are bullying her, not the other way around, and you very much are not interested in changing this dynamic in the slightest.
Like any bully, you are annoyed when your victims fight back, after all. The difference is that you are very much ready and willing to put them in their place one way or another, but especially the hard way.
To this end, you go ahead and 'visit' Olivia's home again this fine morning. The birds are screeching their horrible mating calls, the sun sines its baleful rays of cancer-bringing light down upon the people and if you had Elena's allergies, you're sure the pollen in the air would have you sneezing every ten seconds at the latest, without the medication she used to take when they became too bad.
Honestly, just being rid of the allergies was kind of worth becoming Meguca.
Huh?
Uh, just some slang for 'Magical Girl'. Don't worry about it.
If she says so.
Anyways, Olivia, punishment, go. For a start, you're just going to get her parents to pat your head, feed you cookies and generally like you better than her. You've done this before, you're the perfectest, most adorablest creature in existence, this can't really go wrong, now can it?
…Twenty minutes later, you're eating breakfast with Olivia's family, which is just what you planned, and Olivia herself is 'secretly' inching her chair closer to yours, throwing you a couple of weird looks. Less according to plan.
If anything, you expected her to cower before your inevitable, yet hidden wrath, or be all sheepish and apologetic, at least. What's up with this?
"Aww, youth," Olivia's mother comments, smiling widely as she looks at the two of you. "Sweetie, if you need any advice at all, make sure to ask, okay?"
"Listen to your mother," her husband agrees, looking up from the newspaper he's reading on the side. "I remember how much of a heartbreaker she was in university. And high school."
"Oh, you!"
"Got it, mom. If there's anything I don't understand, I'll definitely ask you first," a resolute Olivia nods, despite the blush on her face.
…Your confusion only grows.
The situation does not improve over the course of the second breakfast your cunning plan has let you acquire, an additional influx of food and, consequently, energy, which you very well may have need of shortly.
Olivia remains bafflingly uncowed, continuing to eat her breakfast toast while coming uncannily close to you, rather than avoiding contact like normal. In fact, she even goes so far as to grab your hand under the table, an act meant to be hidden beneath the piece of furniture.
Only for her mother to immediately see through it and squee. Why are these people behaving like this? You have absolutely no idea what is going on anymore and you do not like it.
Your agitation is soothed considerably by the existence of dessert after breakfast, another one of these big cookies Olivia's mom bakes, with the crumbly, yet crunchy consistency and the little chocolate chips to add to their deliciousness. They're pretty good, is all you're saying.
Of course the annoying part is that you have to share it with Olivia, but she, in turn, proceeds to break it in two, then offers you the bigger half. This display of submission, too, greatly pleases you, and so you find yourself patting her head with one hand while the other one is busy slowly dealing with your bounty.
By putting it in your mouth. So you can chew, but only after soaking the cookie chunks in your saliva to soften them up, sometimes even completely turning them into highly delicious mush.
This causes another bout of squee-ing, as well as a second shared cookie. You think you might be warming up to this whole socialism shtick at this point.
Still over long or short, everyone has to get moving out; Olivia's dad has a job to get to, and so does her mother, who actually works part-time in city hall, weirdly enough. Olivia herself, too, technically has to get to school, and you pretend you did as well, though only until any available adult supervision is out of the house, trusting their daughter and her 'adorable little friend' to get going without needing said supervision.
Utterly misplaced trust, of course, but you don't exactly inform them of anything of the sort. If there's anyone that should be trusted to attend school of any sort, you absolutely are the last person in that line.
Finally, though, you are alone, the bothersome parents and their unexpected weirdness out of the picture for the moment. As such, you now shall corner Olivia and properly-
"So. Jackie." She isn't looking directly at you, just fidgeting with her hands while facing away so you can't read her face all that well. "What do you think? About me, I mean."
"Uh?" You ask, head tilting.
"I'm asking if…" The green-gaired girl swallows, licking her (presumably) suddenly dry lips. "If you like me, I guess. Like, like like, more than just someone to do dirty stuff with. Because I'd really like it if you did."
She continues right on before you can so much as get in a single word.
"A-and it's okay if you don't! I'd just have to work harder at changing your mind, is all, and I don't want to impose or anything. I just want to clear the air, you know?"
She makes a breathless attempt at a giggle, her hand reaching out for yours. You can see her cheeks reddening, even when she's not looking at you like this.
…No, seriously, what the muh is going on?
You aren't really sure how to react for a moment, this entire situation somewhat beyond your fucking expectations. When you woke up today, this whole… thing, was not exactly what you were expecting to be dealing with, to say the least.
Then, though, your long-ingrained habits flare up, those of both Jack and Elena, and you switch to doing or saying something, anything, whatever comes to mind. Purely to keep from leaving a gap in the conversation, make it look like you're in control of what's going on.
That's half the battle more often than not, after all.
So you reach out towards Olivia's face, gently grabbing her chin to pull at it, make her face you whether she wants to or not. She goes along with it, letting you see her expression in full.
The greenette is blushing like she just admitted to having a thing for romantic movies and handholding, her eyes swimming all over the place to avoid looking at yours. Even so, when you don't reply for a couple moments, she consciously steadies her breathing, making an effort to face you head-on.
"Mine," you declare, the only part regarding your relationship with Olivia you're really sure of right now when pressed out of the blue like this. "Always."
The girl that's actually a little bit taller than yourself (when she isn't slouching in on herself tryin to look smaller than she really is) smiles, a lukewarm, kind of sad smile. "Yeah, I figured as much. When we had our… Perceptions or however you want to call it switched, I was super possessive of a bunch of stuff too, you know?"
She grasps at the hand holding her head in place, laying her fingers over its wrist.
"That's not quite what I was looking for, but I'll take it."
…No.
You do not like this. Leaving it like this would leave a bad taste in your mouth. Olivia is yours, dammit; she isn't allowed to be sad about 'just' being yours!
That's illegal! Illegal, unethical and counter to your religious principles! No, you cannot accept it.
So you lean forward, glaring at Olivia as your nose suddenly closes in on hers, almost enough for the tips to touch. "Mine," you insist, making it clear that she doesn't understand and she's stupid and she shouldn't look like this at all. "Your body. Your mind. Your soul. They all belong to me and I'm not giving a single bit of you up. Don't care what you think about it."
She blinks, her lips parting in surprise. You're close enough to her to hear them, to feel the brush of her breath over your skin. "Jackie…"
You grope her butt, sealing her lips with your own now just to make the point- even her words are yours, her breath as well, and you'll take them all up whenever you want. Olivia responds by giving you a hug, pulling you even closer together, her warm body rubbing against your own.
Her pert breasts are almost distracting enough to make you make out with their nipples instead, but only almost. You and your Olivia sigh and moan into each other's mouths, your already painfully hardening cock pushing against your panties to rub against her in turn, its restrained form squished between her thighs.
Her hands are free of any tremble when she frees it, pushing her own pants and panties off her hips in one go as well as you can directly feel her, skin on skin. Your erection poking between her thighs proper now, you can feel how wet she is already, clear natural lubricant spreading itself over your rod as she slowly rubs herself along its length.
"It's so big, Jackie," she whispers, palm laid onto your cheek now, gaze meeting yours squarely. "I want to feel it. Inside me. Because of what you did."
Your penis was approximately the hardness of stone before. Now, you are reaching the lower bounds of diamonds.
You growl, not at all moaning piteously as your hips thrust of their own volition, the warmth and wetness of Olivia's thighs making you want to rut even if you already know they're a far cry from the real prize you know you're rubbing up against.
"Over here," she continues, pulling you along as she hops onto the desk in her living room, spreading her legs. For you. And stretching out her arms. "I want you, Jackie."
You're after her with the speed of… Of… Of a very horny thing after a very breedable thing. Look, your blood isn't going to your brain all that much right now. You're in her embrace again at top speed, the tip of your huge cock slowly pushing past her pink, delicate entrance, her folds spreading around your prodigious girth to-
A door slams behind you, a loud voice right on its heels. "Alright you little freak, you better get the hell away from my sister, or else!"
You are, to say the least, mildly irritated. In fact, scratch that, you're mightily pissed right now. You were just about to fuck all the stupid emotional crap you don't want to deal with out of Olivia, with her downright enthusiastic about you doing so for once, and you've literally got your tip inside of her already.
To be interrupted at this point is more than just being cockblocked, it's somehow worse. All the anticipation, the mood you had going on and the desire to breed (you don't care you already made her pregnant, you'll do it again and nobody can stop you) are suddenly bereft of purpose, aimless save for the obviously delusional girl now in the room.
Really, it's Olivia. She doesn't have a sister, you'd know if she did.
That still leaves you with your literal pants (well, panties, same difference) down while swirls of flame surge to life around the redhead posing like...
'Like a complete chuuni', is what you're looking for.
Yeah, that. It's very childish of her.
"…Caroline?" Olivia asks more than she states, eyes wide and remaining frozen in place. As though you used your magic or something, but nah, this is all her.
"The one and only! I'm back and you're about to-"
"No."
Okay, that one's pretty surprising, coming from her. Olivia isn't really the type to just tell people no, you feel, and judging by the face on the new girl, she'd agree.
"I'm happy you're back from the dead somehow, or I'll kick your butt if you're some monster imposter or something, but you don't get to come in here and clamjam me like this," she hisses, her arms reaching around your back to drag you closer to herself- right between her boobies.
You'd complain, but this is kind of what you were wanting. Also, they may be small compared to what else you get to play with, but Olivia boobies are just as fun as any other boobies when used right.
"Wha- Ugh! I see how it is, I'm dead for a couple months and you get uppity." Fire girl's eyes narrow. "Don't worry Ollie, I'll be sure to show you to your place again just as soon as I'm done with her."
"…Shut up Carol, nobody cares about your shit." Oh, you see, they're name-calling! Literally so, that is. The newly named 'Carol' seems pretty pissed about being called by her name.
She's the cunt that killed you, by the way.
And all of a sudden you're personally invested, hurray!
"Sure she's a 'Carol' and not a 'Karen'?" You ask, wiggling your lips a little. You're still right in the middle of fucking Olivia and you aren't about to stop, just saying.
Biting her lip, the green-haired girl you're poking in the pussy gives you a smile. It's a pretty cute smile, and you don't appreciate the mild fluttering it causes in your stomach. "Believe me I tried to get our parents to change her name. I stopped when she complained to our household's manager."
You nod, not a single sliver of emotion on your face as you maintain a serious expression. "What a Karen."
"Please, I'm a bimbo at worst," Carol Karen complains, the flames around her increasing in intensity (and betraying what she really thinks). "I- Hey! I told you two to fucking stop! Get off her, now!"
You pause again, having just slid your entire tip into Olivia, making her lips open in a silent moan. Someone here really is being awfully demanding.
"Yeah, gonna agree with Olivia here," you mumble, turning your head to throw a lazy glare at Karen. "No. Buzz off."
And just like that, you do with this Karen what everyone should do with all Karens, everywhere- you shut her out and ignore her, literally pulling an 'I Am The Manager' on her. In this case, doing so involves flexing your magic for a moment, a spell you have been working on launching into existence at a moment's notice.
From the walls and the floor and even the ceiling, strands of ice shoot out, all towards the literally fiery form of the redhead that's trying to interrupt your sexytimes with her sister. They don't hurt her, however- this spell isn't designed for that, it's much more insidious than some inferior version of your ice lances.
Instead, the ice quickly grows to stick to her, covering a few parts of her body in a moment. Spreading over her skin, it immobilizes her arms and legs, a few chunks of it curving to go for her torso as well.
On the surface of all this ice, rows of runes are dimly visible, not producing any light of their own. It took some practice to get the part where you make them show up as part of the spell itself down just right, but it's a nice way to add a little extra 'fuck you' to spells that conjure solid ice you're reinforcing with your magic.
It all happens in a flash, of course, and by the time Karen can react she's already locked down entirely. "Agh, what the fuck is this?"
You resist the urge to muh as you turn back to look at Olivia instead.
"Screw you, I'll just melt this crap!" Tensing, the redhead looks like she's focusing, grinding her teeth in short order as the flickering flames that have been orbiting her ever since she came inside refuse to do much of anything. "Ugh! Why isn't this working?!"
Grabbing Olivia's hips, you tap her sides to make her pay attention to you rather than her braindead bimbo of a sister. "Ice is strong against Fire," you declare, despite having decided you'd ignore that other person in the room- it's just too good not to. "Duh."
And with that, you thrust right into Olivia who's still kind of sitting on the table, making her throw her head back and moan in earnest this time. "Ah, Jackie! Carol's right there…"
"Don't care." Your huge cock lodged inside her fuck tunnel, you push yourself forward, conjuring a little block of ice under your feet to lift yourself higher so you may reach her face with yours. Shutting Olivia up with a kiss, you triumphantly enjoy the surprise showing on her face, mashing your hips into hers all the while to grind your rod of manliness against her womb.
Her occupied womb. That is filled with your spawn. You're pretty happy about that, by the way.
Every gift of superior Jackie DNA is a gift to the whole world. Truly you must be divine, for who else but a benevolent goddess would freely share such a grand bounty with others?
Olivia is moaning again now, happily letting you really start pounding into her tight honeypot, well-trained folds wrapping around your girthy member easily enough. Her legs clutching at your hips, she's keeping you on target and rutting away with great joy, the feeble article of furniture serving as the pillar of your copulation squeaking and sliding across the ground every time you ram yourself into her depths.
"Are you fuckers seriously just ignoring me?" Karen peaks up, but is summarily ignored. As all Karens should be. "You fucking brats, stop fucking and let me out of these!"
You proceed to do the exact opposite, speeding up as you create some clear ice to serve as a barrier between you and the Karen, just in case she starts to spittle. You expect that part to come any moment now.
"Jackie!" Olivia calls out, panting and sweating and gazing at you with all the love and affection of a Stockholm Syndrome victim adulating their abuser. "I'm gonna cum!"
"Don't you fucking dare, you little-!" Whether Karen means to address her sister or yourself you have no idea, but neither do you give any particular fuck. All your fucks are currently focused on and optimized for the plowing of Olivia.
Kneading her butt-cheeks with insistent purpose, you nod to her in acknowledgement, ramming your cock into her hot, pulsing flesh-tunnel again and again, not at all mewling nor panting all over her perky little tits as your upper body strength gives out.
"Nguh! Nguh! Nguh! Nguh! Nmuuuuh!"
Your cum floods Olivia's pussy, thick streams of pearly white spilling form your mighty meat-rod and backing up in no time due to the tight nature of the orifice you're filling up. A drop, then two, then a steady river of cum flows from the pussy lips tightly sealed around your inhuman(ly big and ribbed-for-her-pleasure) erection, falling to the ground and pooling into a small puddle in no time at all.
"Ew! You came inside her with your weird cock! Ew! Ew! Ew! I'm never lending you my clothes again, Ollie!"
A breathless, sweaty Olivia's head lolls around to look into the approximate direction of her apparent sister. "Too late, I already took anything I could use from your room."
"You fucking bitch, I die and you take my stuff?!"
"It was a month afterwards, I wanted to keep a few mementos when mom and dad cleared out your room."
"They did what?!"
"Oh yeah, you better figure out a bed or something, at least until you get them to buy you a new one. Bad memories of their dead daughter. Because some of us have to go and become dead magical girls."
"Bitch, now it's my fault some fucking monsters 'surprise' me the moment that ratfucking cat bitch fucks me over and screws with the tree branches?"
Huh, so Brian did play a much more active role in her demise than he told you. You aren't particularly surprised, that does sound like something he'd do… If a bit direct.
Then again, he didn't have cyborg servitor yet back then, needs must and all that. Still, now that she does mention it, you do have some information to contribute to this discussion.
"She also killed my daddy, by the way," you say, gleeful if not for the fact you're sprawled all over Olivia right now. "Blew up our car. 'S how I became a magical girl."
Olivia looks at you, then back at her sister. "The fuck, Caroline? The absolute fuck?"
"He told me it was a monster, okay?! What else was I gonna do?"
You clear your throat, finding this situation too hilarious not to throw some extra gasoline into the oil fire that's burning up this particular house. "I am all alone now. The only things filling the empty space in my heart are violence, loot and sex."
"See what you did to her? This is all your fault!"
"…" There's a long moment of silence. "Fuck you. Fuck you, Olivia. You don't get to not take my side here."
"You did something wrong, Caroline! You can't just-"
"Phoenix Shift!"
…Couldn't they have waited with the fight-y part for after round two? Or five, preferably.
Of course with the declaration of what sounds a lot like an overly dramatized magical girl ability, everyone immediately has to get moving, as Olivia's living room is now an active combat zone. Meaning, you reluctantly roll off of her and look around for where your panties may have ended up, seeing as you're already in your transformed state.
"To pursue justice for all, no matter how hard!" Right, and Olivia transforms herself, because she was in her normal mode so far. "Magical Girl Truth Seeker!"
You're still looking for those panties of yours (must've kicked them aside at some point by accident) when you notice something. Upon activating that 'Phoenix Shift' of hers, Karen sprouted… well, nothing, because it didn't transform her body in any way, but she does sport some magical flames surrounding her body now, some of which form the approximate likeness of a pair of wings.
Made of fire, naturally.
Said fire is pretty hot, apparently, hot enough to seriously affect the Frost Shackles you conjured earlier- melting visibly, though they remain more or less intact, they lose quite a bit of their integrity, enough for Karen's newly enforced strength to let her break a few of them where they meet her body.
More immediately important, though, those wings of fire are also a whole bunch of fire. Inside Olivia's house. And where they brush over stuff, the walls, the still open door, nearby furniture…
Well, stuff catches fire, because this magic is pretty dang hot.
"Fire," you point out, getting ready to counter anything she might do.
"I know. Our elements are at a disadvantage," Olivia says, now clad in her green shorts and holding her twin spears.
"No, literally fire. She's setting your house on fire."
"…Carol, get out of here!" This is the first bit of genuine panic you've seen in her ever since her sister apparently came back from the dead. "Mom's gonna kill us if we burn the house down!"
"I don't give a fuck! You won't listen, I'll just have to make you!" Karen flaps her almost ethereal wings, warmed-over air washing over you behind your clear ice barrier.
"Crap, she's throwing a tantrum. She won't listen to a word I say when she's like this." Somehow, you get the feeling sibling relationship between Olivia and Karen over there may have been kind of dysfunctional. Just a hunch at this point, taking together all the 'little' clues you have so far.
Also, not gonna lie, you'd be mighty pissed if Elena managed to burn down your home, even if you'd forgive her if she had a good enough excuse- you just always did trust your daughter not to screw up entirely monumentally, is all.
You suspect the house burning down would put a bit of a damper on Olivia's family life, just saying.
So you throw out the first suggestion that comes to mind. "Get her out by force then. She won't listen, she has to-"
"Wind Burst!" Olivia calls out, thrusting her dual spears into Karen's direction, conjuring up a burst of air that pushes her out the door- tearing it off its hinges, but you figure it's a bit late to point out the collateral damage.
Running after her, the green-haired girl you were just fucking looks back over her shoulder. "Sorry about this Jackie, but can you put out the fire with your magic? I'll deal with my sis-"
"You fucking bitch, you broke my nail!" The wail is audible all the way inside, the Karen you have to deal with here really just screaming that loud.
"Oh, I think I'll be breaking more than one before we're done," Olivia mutters, following her outside.
You just stare after her, feeling like you've been left out. Is this what it feels like when some side character gets the focus of the spotlight for an episode?
Sadly for the burgeoning mild impressiveness of Olivia's newfound attitude (you'd honestly thought you'd fucked the spine out of her by this point, but, well, goes to show what you know), you very much do object to the prospect of staying behind while she does her thing and fights her sister.
After all, the knowledge of a certain cookie jar awaiting plundering right over in the kitchen, barely behind any protective measures at all, may be tempting, but…
Pepperidge Farm Remembers, as Elena insists you describe the sensation of the grudge you've been casually nursing all this time. Her memes aside, your daughter's thought process is almost completely fused with your own right now, the separation between you and her thinner than you can ever consciously remember it being.
You are of one mind, united in purpose beyond any doubt whatsoever. It's a strange feeling, but this unanimous agreement bringing a measure of solitude to the insides of your head is secondary to what you know you must do.
After all, you always did suspect Brian had more of a hand (paw?) in your death than he let on, a suspicion you're pretty sure can be confirmed thanks to Karen's unwitting testimony, and you've been literally torturing him for months by pretending to be simultaneously stupid and screwing up everything he tried to do that didn't directly benefit you until it was enough of a weight on him he capitulated.
As a magical girl, the power of friendship is how you fight. You just friendship'd Brian into the ground in order to win and make him actually help you out of his own free will, pretty much.
You ground him down just in case, pretty much. No way in hell are you gonna let Karen-ine out there get out of this without her own share of punishment- though you don't like to think of it as punishment as such, truth be told.
Punishing people rarely makes them behave better, all it does is motivating them not to get caught, really, so it's more about the punishing party in the whole situation receiving satisfaction from performing its part. Instead, you plan to administer some… corrective measures, as it were.
Corrective rape hasn't let you down yet, and it's just as satisfying as punishing her, so what's not to love? Really, the world would be a better place if you were to promptly apply your dick to any wrongdoers blaspheming against the Word of the Jackie.
Honestly, it's a service you provide to the world at large. Now then… Time to lay down The Law, right on Karen's face.
By which you mean your dick. In case it wasn't exceedingly clear already. If it has to be said for any reason, really, you don't mind explaining this at length at the slghtest excuse.
Personally, you blame the part of yourself that is Elena. She's always been unapologetically horny like that.
So you immediately follow Olivia outside, noting that the door is kind of busted- the hinges were blown straight off- and raise a hand at the two sisters currently standing opposite of one another, posing as though they were some anime characters or something.
A cold, bone-biting wind blows from nowhere, crashing into the area from the sky in a swirling, snowflake-laden gust. You make sure to aim it so the house you just came out of is hit, too, freezing over its burning entrance as the hoarfrost of your spell spreads over every available surface.
Blowing across the ground at your direction, it proceeds to catch both Olivia and Karen in the short-lived wintery magic, completely avoiding the former while the latter is promptly frozen stiff and solid, unable to so much as-
"PHOENIX BLAST!" She screams, an annoyingly bright and loud explosion of loose fire coming from her direction, keeping Olivia at bay. When the flames settle, Karen's skin is free of the thin layer of frost meant to be on it, the concrete at her feet similarly unfrozen in a circle around her location.
"Wait," you say when she proves she can still move by turning towards you, "that's illegal."
"Do I look like I care, bitch?" She gives you the finger, her arm bare save for the bracelet-glove-thingy she's got going. "Deal with it!"
"I do," you say, pulling out your guns, at her immediate and visible alarm. "The hard way it is."
"Whoa, whoa, hey, we're magical girls, no need to bring fucking guns into this!"
"Heh," Olivia smirks, raising her spears (whose tips she has sparking with a sharp twist of her wrists). "Jackie's magic is what you should be worried about. You're lucky if she just shoots you."
…Why is she bragging about how strong you are? It's like you've been stuck inside some bizarro mirror dimension ever since you stepped into Olivia's place this morning.
"Oh yeah?" Sadly, it seems the Karen is still being a Karen and demonstrating how much of a brainlet she is. "Bring it on! I'll take you on, doesn't matter how many 'friends' you bring! I'll-"
Having confirmed that Winterblast is ineffective, at least to some extent, you fire off an Ice Lance instead, intentionally narrowly missing her. The sonic boom of your conjured projectile sweeps her hair in its wake, her eyes wide open as she begins to understand just how deep of a hole she's in right now.
The house behind her doesn't explode so much as half of it implodes in on itself around your huge-ass icicle, the concentrated cold flash-freezing enough of its construction that some of it manages not to just fall apart and fly away, paradoxically.
You've already got the next one lined up, the perceptively slowly spinning work of your magic ready to absolutely obliterate its next target as well.
…Look, you're keeping your calm. Outwardly. Inwardly, though, you're, how do they say it these days again…
Right, you're ready to Rip And Tear Until It's Done. If she's lucky, all of that will 'just' happen to Karen's anus by the time you decide she's had enough, but you made no guarantees for your/daddy's murderer.
"Oh boy," Olivia mutters. "There goes the neighborhood."
You plow your magical attacks into another couple of buildings as you continue to play around, doing the equivalent of playing the instrumental version of your boss music or something- signifying you're so immensely more powerful than your opposition that they don't even deserve the vocals.
Honestly, it's actually somewhat impressive she's managing to ward off the worst of your directly weakening magic, somehow, but that aside it's not like she can do much against you. Most of her magic seems to be geared for shorter ranges, judging by her flailing attempts to fight back with wings formed of fire used to swipe at your ice lances.
Largely ineffectually, by the way. You conclude that her magic seems effective against pure or magical cold as such, but far less so against actual, solid ice, or at least you figure it may be something in that direction.
Might be an interesting interaction going on there. You file it away for later as you continue to force Karen to dodge and jump around, avoiding your shots by a hair's breadth- until Olivia jumps on top of her, one spear thrust forward, the other swung down onto her sister.
"Stop it already, Caroline!"
"Fuck you, Olly! You don't tell me what to do!"
You hold back a sigh at just how much of a Karen Karen is being. You'll have to fuck all of that out of her in a bit.
The two sisters now locked in close combat, you place a few more strategic shots, forcing Karen to dodge right into Olivia's attacks (and, as this ain't no Dark Souls, that means she gets beaned in the head, or the stomach, more often than not), keep her locked down any time she tries to open up some space any generally make it really, really hard for her to fight.
And it shows. While you'd give Olivia about… Even odds, really, of winning a straight-up fight, victory probably determined by which of the two managed to control the spacing and range of the fight, with you in the picture you wouldn't exactly bet on Karen to win.
Not that you'd bet on her in any case, of course. Olivia is your pet and that comes with certain privileges, such as being responsible for any potential betting losses incurred by her slacking off in a fight.
Thanks almost solely to your assistance, your green-haired P*kemon quickly drives its Wild foe into a corner with a steady combination of air bursts and her weapons, raining blow after blow down on her in a way she can't just shrug off through whatever her magic is doing.
It comes down to one last exchange, flame-clad fists striking back one last time, only to be struck down with an electrified pole, their fires blown away by a powerful Gust that scatters them to the winds. The improvised battle between critters with one side receiving sniping support has ended, in a way that was most predictable and yet still amusing.
Mostly because Olivia fumbles and accidentally slams her weapon's shaft down onto her sister's head, briefly knocking her out. On complete accident.
"Ah Crap. Caroline, you okay?" She asks, shaking her shoulder. "Crap, crap, crap… I might've really hurt her!"
"Meh," you say, coming closer. "It's fine."
"The movies lied to us, Jackie! Kerrie made us all look it up, head trauma can be really dangerous and you never-"
"It's fine," you insist. "Magical girls are durable. She's just out of it."
"…Are you sure?"
You sigh, tucking your guns away for the moment. "She'll be fine. More importantly, help me move her."
"Oh. Uh, why?"
You level a flat look at her. "She killed my daddy," you declare, not lying about your past for once. "I'll rape her. A lot."
"…" Unfortunately, Olivia is a dummy, for she doesn't grab her sister's unconscious body and instead proceeds to wrap her arms around you instead, lifting you up a little. "What if I don't want that?"
"Then you have to deal with it," you say, utterly unwilling to budge on this one. Corrective rape measures must be applied here, there is no other way.
"What if I want all that rape for myself instead?" Olivia asks, shyly breathing against your ear and making you feel weird again.
…You do not appreciate this! Not at all!
"I'll take you to pound town later if you want, but I have to do this first."
"Alright, it's a promise!"
And so you get to find out that Olivia doesn't even care about you raping her sister. She's just envious because she wants your dick to herself.
…Somehow, you should've seen that one coming, you feel. No idea why.
Anyways, with Olivia's help, you can easily carry her sister's (slightly bruised) body onto the rooftop of a nearby building, one that wasn't destroyed by the fighting as it happened. It being late morning, you don't expect to be interrupted up here, which gives you plenty of time to work with.
And, y'know, not be bothered by interlopers or emergency services that are already coming for the scene of Olivia and Karen's showdown.
This leaves you the downright insultingly easy task of stripping away Karen's magical girl costume, which consists of… those gloves that seem to be hear weapons, a bra, some belts, a pair of very short shorts and black panties that cover more skin than they do.
Also her shoes (no socks) and two strips of cloth wrapped around her legs. You leave those on.
Now, having revealed her mostly naked form, you can confirm that she is, indeed, a natural redhead, as a narrow strip of hair points towards her pussy. Her plump thighs look even better like this, your fingers sinking into them when you try kneading them a little, and her tits are actually pretty huge.
Huge enough for you to get lost in playing with them, groping and squishing the large, soft mammaries that basically offered themselves to you. There aren't many big-tittied magical girls you often deal with around your home, so Karen's proportions, at least, are quite nice to have on hand.
Of course Olivia has to speak up as she watches you suckle on those funbags. "Do you like big breasts, Jackie?"
"Mnn," you make, your lips taking a moment to unlatch from the already hardening nipple you were working on, "all booba is good booba."
Wisdom dispensed, you make to get back what you were doing, crouched over Karen's unconscious form as you are, but Olivia just has to bust your balls over this difficult philosophical question while looking down at herself. "But if you had a choice between bigger and smaller, you'd take bigger ones, wouldn't you?"
"That's a complicated question that can easily swallow a lot of nuance," you muse, intently not looking as the green-haired little deviant holds her palms up to her own chest. "To answer it, we have to- Oh hey, she's waking up."
With that, you shimmy down along Karen's body, groping it as you go and stopping when you arrive between her legs, which you proceed to lift and spread apart, her knees somewhere over your own thighs now. You've already taken off your panties and your skirt, so your already hard cock can easily rub between the pink, delicate petals slightly opened thanks to Karen's posture.
Say what you will about her personality, and there's a lot to be said about it, but she's got a rockin' body. One you very much intend to use and abuse now and in the future.
Karen's eyes are fluttering, her consciousness slowly returning… And Olivia knees down next to her, looking down at her sister but otherwise not acting to stop you. Good enough for your purposes.
You slowly grind your tip against the entrance, but don't do anything else for the moment, waiting for just the right time- carefully observing Karen's breathing and her face, you hold yourself back until the very moment that…
"Ugh… Where- AH FUCK!"
You ram yourself home the moment she wakes up, leaning forward and pushing into her with your hips while your arms keep her legs pinned to your sides. She's nice and snug around your cock, your mighty rod stretching the newly resurrected pussy around itself as it boldly conquers this bitch's insides.
She's not super wet, though that's changing quickly, her lubrication not taking long to realize it's needed, but more importantly she's intensely hot, making your feel like your dick is melting a little as you pump back a little way, then slam more of yourself into her again, watching her folds wrap tightly around your shaft both ways.
This is fun. Rape is always fun, but it's even more fun when they deserve it like this stupid fire-cunt!
Your grin may or may not be sloppy, but that's life. Can't really be helped.
"Wakey-wakey," Olivia softly calls out, shifting to fixate one flailing arm with her knee. "Sorry about knocking you out."
"Aaagh… Ungh!" Karen grunts, unsightly, as you push your big fat breeding stick into her fresh breeding hole. "The fuuuck…"
"That's the idea," you grunt (totally cutely), starting to thrust in earnest; with every move you make, you can feel her get wetter already, and this wouldn't be a corrective measure if you gave her all that much time to get used to this. Also, breed.
You wanted to just fuck her ass straight away and unlubed, but you can't. You have to breed her first.
"Too biiig," Karen complains, her faculties currently still booting up and also taken up being fucked. As they should be. "Ripping me apart!"
"Don't worry, you get used to it," Olivia tells her, both hands holding down her sister's still free arm now. "Also, Jackie promised to do me after she's done with you, so…"
You finally slam your entire length inside Karen, your tip pressing against and deforming her womb. A shudder runs through both of you and you're on all fours now, panting as you get ready to properly pound a baby into this stupid cunt.
"Get fucked for my happiness, okay?" Olivia smiles as though butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, still holding her sister down for you to rape.
And you do. Dance the rapey dance, that is. Vigorously. Bitches like this needs lots of 'love' and attention to correct them.
"Fuck… fuck… fuuuck…" Wet slapping noises ring out as you thoroughly plumb the depths of Karen's pussy, your balls mashing against her round, pliable butt with every thrust. Before you know it, you're speeding up, your hands obsessively playing with and groping her body, her sides, her breasts her neck- "Gurk!"
You choke Karen, making her feel a fraction of what she should be feeling. If anything, it just makes her tighter, this dirty little cunt just getting off on what you're doing to her.
You're ramming your hips against her like a maniac, her stupid cunt taking you in and sucking on your cock, until you just stop with one last push, doing your very best to squeeze your knot past her folds. You succeed, forcing them wide open, the quickly inflating base of your cock packed tight and right where it belongs.
"Aauuh," you make, your eyes unfocused, as you come. You flood this stupid cunt with your cum, your big fat cock filling her out completely; you can see a small bulge on her stomach where it pressing her womb upwards, minute movement visible on it every time another surge of superior Jackie genetics is deposited right up against it.
You collapse right on top of her, boneless, but quite satisfied for the moment. Karen's legs are spread wide of her own accord to easier take your mighty breeding tool, your balls twitching as their valuable load is spent.
Your hands are slowly unraveled from where they're clutching on tight for support, letting this stupid bitch breathe (for now), Olivia holding them instead. "There you go," the croons, despite her insecurity, "wasn't that nice? You're nice and bred now, Caroline."
Coughing, Karen peers upward, unfocused. "Get your… psycho bitch friend… outta me…"
"No can do. See, she's knotted inside you now, hm?" Reaching out, Olivia gently rubs outside her sister's cunt, massaging your knot inside her and making both of you groan simultaneously. This feels pretty amazing, not gonna lie. "She'll just stay like this and slowly deflate, to make sure her cum fills you up."
Now she's rubbing Karen's slightly inflated belly, almost lovingly. Which is weirdly hot.
"And when she's done and pulls out," the greenette continues, "she'll do it all over again. Except in your ass that time."
Reaching around your balls (after giving them a quick squeeze), Olivia starts to circle Karen's asshole with a finger, glossing over how she read your mind. Has she been psychic this whole time?
"Fuuuuuuuck," Karen groans as her sister starts to widen her backdoor with one finger to start, throwing her head left and right.
"…You know, if she'll just keep repeating herself," you pant, slowly coming down from the storm of pleasure you just attained, "you could put her mouth to better use."
Olivia blinks at your comment. Then she looks down at the open lips of her bimbo-redhead of a sister looking at her in somewhat of a shock.
"You know, Jackie, that's a pretty good idea."
And much fun was had on that rooftop. Much fun indeed.
The Collector, watching from afar through methods most arcane and undetectable, shrugged two pairs of its shoulders while another pair of arms pumped one victorious fist and made a 'so-so' gesture with one arm, respectively.
"A conclusion/end/destined death to a conflict/character arc/Orbital Friendship Laser!" It smoothly pressed a face back into its greater mass, repressing it into being a part of the teeming, screaming bulk of itself that did not actively decide much. Some of them just were like that. "A passing grade/stamp of approval/it'll do."
"Chuuh," the magical girl enforcement unit a certain something had been reduced to said, standing next to it. "I do not approve of JF-01 breeding so much, by the way. The number of its offspring threatens to detonate Character Bloat."
"These things have a way of sorting themselves out/being resolved/going up in flames on their own," it waved the other creature off. "The blast radius is unlikely to be an issue/my concern."
"Chuuh, you have to be amusing yourself."
"Pardon?/Excuse me?/What the French?"
"You never refer to yourself in the first person, puchuh."
"A misconception/you issue. There are many individual parts in here, after all" it said, one hand's long, clawed fingers sliding over its precious faces. "Regardless, this test/challenge/diversion was amusing enough, despite its unexpected outcome. Particularly due to it, rather. If only the quota of promotional material/propaganda/anime was not already met…"
"Chuuh, that Madoka thing did enough damage already. How you got her to play a part in it I will never understand, puuh…"
Certain favors may have been exchanged. Not that any had had to be called here, of course- the chance alone to prod * *'s current self and projects had been too juicy to ignore.
So it merely stood in silence, the continued desecration of the newly resurrected one's rectum the backdrop to the scene. Truly, one never knew what twists and turns existence may take.
"Oh good Lord am I glad all of you are safe." You do not expect to be swept up in a hug when Olivia's mom comes jumping out of her car, having driven back towards the general area of her home after she heard the 'news'.
You're kind of being squished up, your face pressing against Karen's boobs on one side while Olivia's much smaller pair is somewhere on the other, not that you particularly mind. Your complete mind-meld with Elena is slowly coming undone, but really only very slowly, and she always did love to play with other girls' breasts.
You have the memories to prove it right now. And man, what went on in those changing rooms really goes to show that this old cliche of the 'predatory anime lesbian' may or may not have some roots in reality. Or maybe you should've kept a closer eye on the shows she was watching, for that matter.
Then again, Jack never was what you'd call a good role model. Serial murderers can't really complain all that much, not that you are to begin with.
Still, while you strenuously objected to the prospect of returning to the scene of a crime you were involved in, what with the… thoroughly destroyed and partially frozen ruins of a handful of residential buildings currently in sight, Olivia insisted when she pulled out her phone (you… think she might be keeping it in her magical girl costume, for some reason) and saw the half dozen texts her mother had sent her by the time you were done bloating Karen with your cum.
Like a cum-balloon. Cumloon? Either way she's kind of unsteady on her feet, but despite what you did to her she's keeping her mouth shut so far, having needed her sister's help to get off the roof without falling over and faceplanting onto concrete hard enough to give herself a concussion or something.
"It's fine, mom," Olivia says, playing the part of the precocious kid that's pretending to be annoyed about being fussed over while secretly enjoying it to a T. "We were gone already when the explosion happened, we just came back to see what was going on when we heard it."
"That doesn't mean I can't be glad about it," the surprisingly strong woman points out, slowly letting go of the three of you. "And just when Caroline came back from overseas, too. My heart was racing every moment it took either of you to reply to my calls!"
"I'm what? I mean," Karen clears her throat, shifting a little to put less weight on her only somewhat hidden belly- turns out she was showing it off in her normal, non-costume clothes too, so its current swelling makes her look like she was secretly eating all the chocolate in the house until five minutes ago. "Yeah! Just when I finally got back! The flight was murder too, there was this brat screaming all the way through, you can't believe how tired I am right now."
Oy. What's with that glance at Olivia while saying that? Oy. Oy!
"Well I doubt there will be any sleep for anyone for a while, with all this excitement," Olivia's mom sighs. "I do hope you had fun as an exchange student, but I'll have you tell me all about it later- Jackie, are you fine, too?"
You do appreciate her voice going softer when she addresses you. She knows you're cuter and worthier of care than either of her daughters!
Still, time for a genuine reaction to hide what you're really thinking! "I hope the cookies weren't hurt."
Chuckling despite herself, the woman turns to look over the damaged street, her eyes glazing over for a split moment as she takes in the damage. "The gas main burst over there, at least, so the damage isn't too big, for us. Small mercies, next to you girls being safe. See Caroline, it was a good idea to send you out to see these two off."
"Ugh, can we just…" Karen says, hiding both how uncomfortable she in discussing the damage she caused (it was totally her, all her, you had nothing to do with it and it would be worse if it weren't for you stepping in) and the discomfort of her limping gait after the thorough pounding she received. "Not talk about that right now?"
Ah, right, she also doesn't know how to deal with talking about a conversation that never happened from her perspective. The Veil is one hell of a drug to normies, huh?
"Fine, fine. You girls just stay here and huddle up, alright? If anyone but me or one of these firemen talks to you shout for me, got it?"
Olivia rolls her eyes. "We'll be fine, mom, go and talk to them, see if the house is safe to go into?"
Smiling, her mother rubs her head, then yours. You shall graciously allow it. "Got it, got it, I won't embarrass you in front of your little girlfriend."
"Wha- we're not-!" Blushing bright red, she immediately fumbles. Yeah, that's the Olivia you know.
"Yeah, yeah, we totally buy that," Karen grins at her mockingly. "You-gh!"
Naturally, you immediately poke her in the belly, her eyes shooting wide open as she tries not spill your cum everywhere. "Whatever, you glutton," you say, looking up, at her face. "We all saw you stuffing yourself."
Or being stuffed, rather. And the best part is, she can't dispute that or tell the truth right now, something she's absolutely aware of going by her expression, like she just bit into something absurdly sour.
Gotta gaslight her into keeping it a secret, after all, it's never too early to start with that. Being Elena makes you aware of a lot of stuff you normally just don't pay any mind to.
As it turns out, Olivia's home was (unsurprisingly) not massively damaged over the course of that brief little scuffle, so once the first responders make sure it won't fall in on itself everyone is allowed inside through the back door seeing how the front one is, how do you put this politely…
'Rekked harder than a chocolate manufacturer that owes you money', that's the expression, you think. Yeah, that sums up its current state nicely. The first responders don't really have much of anything they can do about it, so they just put some of that Do Not Cross tape across the now empty doorframe, with an emergency repairman called in to help fix up something more permanent in an hour to an hour and a half.
Good thing people are, apparently, kind of used to this kind of crap in this town, so it barely costs anything extra. Personally, you blame Kerrie for that, her and her latent pyromaniac urges.
And Karen, too. She, too, is of the weakest, most mentally unstable element. This isn't magical discrimination, it's just facts you can back up with statistical evidence at this point.
All fire elemental beings should be placed in special institutions that- wait, no, it sounds really bad when you put it like that, huh? Eh, who cares.
At any rate, with the safety tape and the slightly scorched, torn-out door leaning against where it used to be to ward off at least some wind, the residence is kind of, almost usable as normal. By which you mean you managed to convince Olivia-mama (Oli-ma?) to hand you a bunch of cookies to 'calm you down' after the 'explosion' earlier.
So you get to eat a bunch of cookies, which is really nice. Of course the value of the currency known as the cookie aside, you also still have to deliver quite a bit of nookie- you did promise Olivia that you'd fuck her stupid, after all.
And while you would totally break your word if it was convenient, there's no reason you wouldn't want to fuck her. Literally, your regeneration lets you just keep going even after that marathon assfuck you subjected Karen to, your mighty meatrod at the ready and balls full of superior Ice-Type genetics waiting to be dispensed.
Hey, if you can't be silly and laugh about sex, what are you gonna laugh about at all? Being able to have fun at all times is an important life skill.
Not like you have to be popping jokes every other minute or anything, but you can't really be happy if you don't have fun doing what you're doing, y'know?
These deep philosophical considerations are what keeps you busy while you eat the moist, delicious cookies offered to you. They really are quite good. Chuckie would probably like to have the recipe.
"Uuugh, that took forever," you hear from the hallway, the voice unmistakably that of a Karen. How nice of her to be easy to identify by ear. "Shitting cum wasn't how I expected my day to go."
Heresy. She's supposed to keep in her belly until her body just kind of digests it.
"Maybe you should've thought that one through before you came back," a still kind of confrontational Olivia replies. You know it's her because she stood out in the hallway to wait up for her sister…
Does… does she know you can hear them easily? Like, they don't exactly have much of any privacy here. The door is literally open. They could just as well do this right in the kitchen for all the difference it makes to you.
"Fuck off, I literally died and came back to life. And dying sucks. Cut me some slack here."
"You came in, insulted Jackie and picked a fight with her on sight." You don't see it, but you imagine Olivia aggressively crossing her arm.
"Eh, it happens." Right, because you'll believe that. It was totally- "This freaky guy with a bunch of masks on brought me back and told me she was doing my damn job, 'course I was gonna look into it."
The Collector, yes. That much was obvious. You have to deal with a lot of bullshit, but things have been way more bullshit ever since that thing showed up.
"…Your job? As a magical girl or-"
"If anyone's gonna bully you twerp, it's obviously me."
"Ugh!" The sheer disgust in Olivia's voice is palpable. You never did get her to display so much emotion on command, you have to admit it. Not that you tried all that hard, mind you. "I can't believe you! I've been trying to find out what happened to you for months!"
"Yeah well, here I am and I ain't talkin' much. Hope you didn't get too comfortable."
"Haaah… Forget it. You know, you're kind of a cunt."
"Glad to know you noticed."
"I just wanted to tell you that…" Olivia continues as if Karen hadn't said a word, "even if you're… you, I'm still glad you're okay. Even if you really pissed off the strongest girl in town that I kind of have a thing with."
"I fucking! Noticed! When you helped her take me all the way to pound town."
"Eh, it wasn't really all that much. Jackie can rape way harder." Okay, fair, Olivia would know. "Besides, you did kind of kill her dad, which we're not done talking about, because what the fuck Caroline?!"
"Hey, I wasn't complaining," the Karen points out. "Think I can get some more outta your main squeeze?"
"…You're such a fucking slut. Keep your grubby hands off Jackie, she's mine!"
And she continues to give off mixed signals. You're slowly starting to worry Olivia may have begun to go completely insane lately.
Least the cookies are good, though. You really should-
"Jackie!" A green-haired maniac exclaims, stomping into the kitchen and grabbing your hand. "We're going to my room and we aren't coming out until I'm twice as bloated as Caroline!"
Halp.
In the end, you only escape the residence of the Olivia-family several hours later, having arranged for a brief lunch period in the slightly demolished home together with Olivia-mama and Olivia-Karen, plus Olivia as well of course. In a completely predictable turn of events, it was decided everyone that had school or work would stay home today after the events of the mysterious 'gas explosion'.
Except Olivia-papa, but apparently the mother of the household decided that if he doesn't notice the news about the neighborhood, the busted door will make for a fun surprise when he comes home at least. Hey, not like she's wrong or anything.
From context clues you cunningly catch out, you believe your continued presence is taken as you staying around to comfort and distract Olivia and Karen after the shock of nearly losing their house, as is punctuated by the wailing coming from one of the homes you destroyed during the fight; apparently, someone lost their prized vinyl record collection as part of the collateral damage, and a couple of families are gonna have to figure out where to live for a bit.
…You idly wonder whether you count as an Act of God for the purposes of insurance. That's one of those little things that really have you think on them deeply and all.
Anyways, you have lunch together, which your body appreciates. Your regeneration remains active as you stay transformed for the duration of your stay, just in case, but even it has some difficulty keeping up with the rate at which Olivia drained your balls into and over herself while her mother was busy and outside the house, so some nutrients go a long way to making the dull ache inside them stop.
You may or may not have created kind of a monster, but the genuine happiness she exhibits whenever you fill her up with your mighty, calorie-laden Jackie-cream remains insatiable in itself. You may or may not have to figure out a way to control how much time you spend in her clutches, at this rate.
Of course her mother just thinks it's cute how she's jealously interposing herself between you and her other daughter. Nobody present tries to correct that train of thought.
Anyways, after some time to recover you are in perfect health once again, despite Olivia's newfound love for deepthroating things she probably shouldn't- clearly her powers as a magical girl are helping there, but it was kind of hard to make her unlatch from your cock when her mother was done shouting at people outside.
While all of that was going on, Karen, from what you heard, got in touch with her old friends, the ones that now remember her leaving to be an 'exchange student' 'overseas', all the while she tried to figure out where all of her old furniture went and what she'd need to replace. The incongruity of her old stuff having been put into storage, sold or disposed of despite the cover story the Veil came up with for her is summarily ignored by any of the mundanes that had it beamed into their heads.
…You could help her by taking her to the Overcity to pick out a few choice bits of loot you don't have any use for (you've already got a dozen high-end gamer chairs tucked away inside the basement at this point thanks to the more or less constant punitive golem expeditions you're sending out to loot one neighborhood or another). Thing is, you don't really feel all that motivated to, considering what the bitch did to you/daddy.
Oh, hey, the mind meld is slowly coming undone again. Neat.
Yeah, you'll just… let everyone here figure things out on their own. You have lots of your own crap to deal with, there's no need to overcomplicate everything that's going on already.
It's not like the idea of making Karen run a bootcamp is somehow time-limited, you can always get back to it later on whenever she is sufficiently disappointing and you remember you should force her to git gud.
…That's another bit of Elena-speak sneaking up on you, you're pretty sure. Not that it's wrong, mind you, the spirit of the meme very much applies.
For now, you'll just go and say goodbye to Olivia-mama, once you've asked her if she will be alright. The means of cookie-production shall be acquired, but until they are it remains worthwhile to look after them a little.
You wander off into the streets of the Generic City with the sound of the communist theme song (you can't quite think of the proper name of that one Russian anthem right now), soon rising above the rooftops nearby on a slightly curved ice platform, idly using your magic to grow some carvings into it as you float along.
The big, threatening part of today is over and done with already, so you have the rest of the day to take things at your own pace and relax. You can't wait to get back home and play some video games, and you'd bet you could finish Bloodborne in one sitting now if you set your mind to it.
You've kind of been taking your time with it, but you figure you're in a good place with it right now. You totally could shoot all the way towards finishing the whole thing, maybe even crunch through the DLC while you're at it.
Elena apparently has played it to exhaustion, several times, because she loved the lore as much as the gameplay, so she keeps on poking you to get into it every now and then. It is kind of fun, admittedly, splashing all the enemies' blood everywhere makes it an objectively well-designed game right there.
Also, the transforming weapons are nice. They obviously imitate your guns that can become a giant cross and back, which naturally makes them superior.
You wonder what Chuckie made to eat today, too. You just ate, but fucking takes up a lot of calories, y'know?
"Eyes on suspect. Observed flight by levitation."
"Moving east-south-east, fast. Can't follow these speeds."
"Confirmed. Maintaining recon."
In the end you just go home to take a bit of a break, including what you intend to be a gaming break later. The events of this day have, if nothing else, shown you once again that you can never stop improving- you are absolutely sure the Collector had something to do with what happened, and the message is clear in that you have to deal with foes that will grasp at any straws, go to any lengths and are beyond no amount of desperation in the face of your immense might.
It clearly didn't work out this time, as you are far, far above giving a fuck about Olivia's dead sister coming to life (you'd been awaiting her arrival for a while now actually, as you know from Brian magical girls can just do that), but still, enemies of yours might just try to come at you through other angles than straight fighting.
Your answer to this prospect, of course, is to prepare to respond with even greater force. No amount of scheming or fucking around will help them from finding out when you start to blast away with the ice nukes.
…Literally, if your Ice Pylons work out. Or, alternatively, when you just deploy them by the dozens. Sure, they're a pain in the butt to actually make and charge up, not to mention one-time use, but they're great for both area denial and… Hard area denial, you suppose.
Sure, they might also cause lots of collateral damage, but violently causing a localized ice age to break loose as your starting move is a very convincing argument not to start shit in your direction, you'd say.
Indeed, you think as you stride inside your home, having traversed over into the Overcity with ease by moonwalking on top of your ice platform while steering through the 'walk backwards' pathway, nothing shall stop you now. There are no beings nor phenomena in existence that can arrest your climb toward ultimate power-
"Jackie, food's ready! I made some spaghetti bolognese!"
…Scratch that, nothing can stop you once you're done with your second lunch.
This game does have a bunch of cool stuff in it, for all that the gameplay is technically fairly simple. All you have to do is to watch out for your spacing, manage your stamina and be proactive about hitting things when they can't hit you back due to their own animations.
It's simple and easy, but also entertaining in its own way, and the whole transforming weapons gimmick that changes your reach and moveset, shooting enemies into being stunned for critical attacks and the enemy designs and concepts are pretty cool as well.
Not to mention some of the other gimmicks you can pick up throughout the game. "Tentacles up your butt," you decree, casually making your character dodge towards the side as the giant Maneater Boar (as the boss version of these huge piggies inside the chalice dungeons is called) charges past you, triggering the 'item' (really more of a spell, considering it scales in damage based off the 'designated magic stuff' stat and all) called Augur of Ebrietas.
Ebrietas, Daughter of the Cosmos. Whom you already killed. Not that it stopped you from killing her again, also inside a chalice dungeon. They did kind of just throw all and sundry in there to remix the game's content.
Gotta recycle and all that, you totally get it. Kind of a mixed bag in practice, but hey, it is what it is.
You glance to the side of the screen as you perform the 'Visceral Attack' at the giant boar's rear. You consider it your statement towards boar-kind after they gave you some minimal trouble at the Collector's hands, before the shadow-stuff came out.
-Oh god, she doing it again
-Sorry guys, just can't look at this
-Sympathetic pain, yeah
-Eh, it's just pixels. Squealing pixels.
-OH GOD THE SQUEALS
"Quiet, chat. Livestock exists to be slaughtered. Stop being babies."
You're currently in the last area of the game, technically, it's just that there's an add-on they brought out later on you have yet to deal with.
Time to do the boogey dance and boogey right on through.
"…Ugh, full again. Gotta sell this crap again. What a pain."
-BULLSHIT
-I mean, she's not using vials much aside for blood bullets, and those mean she doesn't use quicksilver bullets, so…
-Insane drop rates, they drop a patch or what?
-The game obviously recognizes the authority of the ICE QUEEN
"It's Ice Empress. Reprobates."
-Woo! Gehrman down! I repeat, Gehrman down!
"Got the badge. Neat."
-Oh? Oh?! Cutscene?
-That is one weird-looking tentacle thingy
"Nope, not fighting you. Later."
-Lol
-Teleport out instead of face boss
-'NowThat'sWhatICallDisrespectful.jpg'
"It's a scythe."
-It's a scythe
-It's a scythe
-Gehrman's very own weapon, containing maximum edge beyond any other
"Gonna max it out and shit. It has to be good."
-Man, can't believe we're through the DLC already
-This is pure skill, can't call it anything else
-Wait, did she 100% the game?
"RUUAAAAAAGH!"
"Man, this boss is scream-y. Take your weird placenta-weapon and shove it. Rectal Tentacle Puishment."
-Quick, run away Orphan! You don't deserve this :(
-Lol, taking pity on the boss now
"Mm, finally. We're back."
-Can't believe you no-hit the entire game
-Finally, someone that really didn't need to level vigor
-This is our final battle!
-Lol, shonen much or what?
-Watch out, this boss has an autohit attack, it's gonna ruin your run
"Just gotta kill it before it can be used. Easy."
-Lol
"Final summary: Bloodborne is a pretty fun and satisfying game. Too many sp*ders in certain places, which makes them barely playable, but pretty good otherwise."
-The voice thing makes me shiver every time
-Self-censoring on that word only, lol
"Shaddup. DLC was fun, not just recycled old stuff, everything was designed well. Only criticism is the chalice dungeons, those can get super repetitive, but they're optional so whatever. You only need to bother if you want infinite echoes and items."
-Buuullllll
-shiiiiiit
"Game is recommended, go play it if you can. Now go fuck off, it's been five hours and I have an appointment. My day job's bloodier than this game anyways…"
Treating a supposed wandering merchant like Bloody Marie feels a little weird, but then, you don't really give a crap about that when you just want to see what Donna has to offer you. The dark-skinned elf lady with a knack for 'finding' useful objects she sells off to whoever pays her for them is a bit annoying to contact, when you don't have lots of free time on your side, but as it is all you have to do is to remember to call for her and wait a few hours.
Which you did by playing video games. Or a video game, rather, but hey, same difference.
Long story short, you've played the whole thing by the time Donna shows up near your front door, keeping a suspicious eye on her surroundings as she goes.
You pre-empt her attempt at knocking on your door by opening it, not quite sure whether the house would consider that an excuse to dump her in your mist-world. The imps in there would probably try to eat her, considering you don't feed them except for whatever scraps they can fish out of the garbage.
What? There's no garbage trucks in the Overcity, or at least none that come by to pick up your trash (you could probably find one or two of them by walking for a bit, but you don't exactly have a use for them except possibly as weapons- you should keep that in mind for later). You have to put the garbage somewhere.
The logistics of living in a largely empty dimension. Good thing it'll likely take a couple centuries at your current pace before you fill up the misty mirror-dimension around your home with garbage, and it mostly just serves to make the place even more horrible to traverse than it already is.
But back to Donna, whom you greet with all the decorum and grace necessitated by the occasion. "Yo."
"Oh! So it is you. You know, I kind of thought you got yourself got or something since I didn't see you for so long," the chocolate-skinned elf says, her jaunty little top hat precariously perched on her head ust like last time.
You peer up at her past those huge tits of hers. "Rude. Nothing around here can fight me on even footing. Now come in, try not to get eaten by the house."
"Wait, is that a thing? Because that's totally a common occurrence where I'm from," the dark elf says as she follows you inside. "It was a huge problem for a while until we outlawed making your home able to do that, being stuck inside a huge mouth for hours sucks and you get the saliva everywhere!"
"…Good to know?" You honestly don't care all that much. "Anyway, take a seat and we can-"
"Jackie!"
"Chuckie."
"You didn't tell me we have a guest!"
"I mean," you say, tilting your head, "she's just here to trade some stuff. That's her job. Wouldn't call that a 'guest' exactly."
"Oh no, it totally counts! Would you like a coffee, tea, we also have some juice in the fridge?"
"Some juice would be lovely, I've been on my feet all day and my back's killing me."
Guess you're doing this in the kitchen, after all.
Current Treasury:
11 Copper
54 Bronze
9 Silver
Offered Wares:
Brooch of Affection: A magical brooch featuring a small red gem that, once a day, can be used to heal its owner (and only its owner) for 20 HP as a bonus action. Cost: 5 Silver
Impenetrable Talisman: A One-Use magical item that protects its user from a single physical attack for up to 100 points of damage. Has to be used ahead of time. Cost: 3 Silver
Madberry Juice: A magical juice that, when drunk, increases the dice rolled for your next attack by five. Three uses. Cost: 4 Silver
Bottomless Spice Rack: Not literally bottomless, but it can be filled with ridiculous amounts of various spices, storing as many different spice containers as required. Very handy in the kitchen. Cost: 20 Bronze (Discount!)
Minor Products You May Sell:
Brainplant Secretion: Carefully excreted into the finest of jars. 10 Bronze
Fairy Dust: Half a full harvest so far, simply because these things take time. Donna isn't turning down some light drugs, though. 10 Bronze
Viridian Fruit Jam: Chuckie actually made some jam with the usual fruits, and its minor magical properties might interest some buyers. 5 Bronze
New Treasury Balance:
11 Copper
34 Bronze
1 Silver
Donna's wares are, after a brief period of her drinking your juice (like the thieving thief she is), laid out and their praises sung, only for you to quickly demand clarification and something that sounds closer to the truth in each case one by one.
You aren't some impulsive buyer that'll just spend money on stuff without a second thought, and Donna better know it. You also do have the advantage of being able to literally sense magic, and though that doesn't give you a perfect idea of what it does in itself, it does give you a massive advantage in appraising this kind of stuff.
The dark elf you invited into your home offers magical items of some utility or another, much like before, and just like she promised at the time, both the power of her offerings and her prices have risen too match your means now that you have some silver coins to your name.
…Almost suspiciously so, but you figure this, too, can be chalked up to the narrative laying a finger on the scales where it matters. More obviously so than usual, anyways.
The brooch that she tries to sell you is indeed sold, for its restorative effects could prove useful in a pinch. There is the little issue with it only working once a day, and only for whoever it considers its owner, which is quite stupid; you don't bother with consent normally, so why do you have to deal with whether or not a largely inanimate object gives its consent to being used on other people now?
Anyways, it won't work to just lend it to someone temporarily, you'd have to actually intend to hand it over to someone and let them keep it for that to work. Given it's your stuff and you hate other people having your stuff, the chances of that happening are slim to none, but still, it's a convenient little pick-me-up up your literal sleeve from now on.
You quickly wave Donna off when she offers you a talisman of some kind; you know a place that does these things professionally and you prefer to buy it from them rather than her, no matter how much she insists it's a 'total steal' at her prices.
The one other big purchase you make (in terms of the amount of precious, precious Silver you fork over after a brief period of haggling, as is only proper) is a large, sealed jug filled with what she calls 'Madberry Juice'. Some kind of magical stimulant that seriously juices you up, apparently, but only lasts for a very short time.
Your magical senses corroborate as much. Lots of power, concentrated and ready to be consumed. Pretty interesting… For more reasons than just one.
You buy it too, even if you can't shake off the feeling of buying some overpriced magical energy drink right now. Ah well, if nothing else you'll have some real use for it next time you really, really want to hit someone or something.
Oh, and then there' Donna's less… combative wares. Some of which she only pulls out because she's apparently seen through the fact your kitchen sees some regular use.
"Any kind of spice you can think of, it can hold, all at once and in virtually any amounts!" The dark elf says, gesturing at the enchanted spice rack she's trying to sell you. Or Chuckie, more like. You clear your throat. "Well, fine, it's not exactly limitless, but each of these glass containers can take in several dozen times as much as it should and you can scroll through way more than fit on the rack once you have them filled up."
"…It can only store spice, huh?" You note.
"Yup, you saw through it in a flash!" Flattery is appreciated, but will not make your purse strings any less tight. You've spent way too many coins already. "It's specifically a kitchen aid, but it does its job perfectly! You'll never need another spice rack for the rest of your life. It's convenient, it absorbs new contents in a flash and if you buy now, I'm throwing in… This set of burn-proof pot and pans!"
Really nailing the shady salesman routine there, you see.
"What do you think?" You ask, specifically addressing Chuckie who is sitting next to you. Naturally.
"Hmm… I like it, but's not worth a single Silver," the former farmgirl states, still nursing the hot cocoa she made after you all decided to get properly cozy. You had your own, too, but you already drank it all. Not that you even knew you had any of this stuff until Chuckie revealed it to you earlier. "So let's talk Bronze, huh?"
…She's good at this whole negotiating thing, too. Before you know it, she's whittling Donna's offer down to something reasonable you don't exactly mind paying, especially as this is 'just' Bronze Coins you're talking about. The redhead has been taking charge of negotiations more or less every time you decided to buy something, because apparently she's so much of a housewives she even has to help manage your finances for you.
Not that you can complain all that much. You definitely saved at least some money thanks to her- there's a reason you give Chuckie so much leeway in dealing with the daily upkeep of your household.
A price is soon agreed upon and the new additions to your kitchen are set aside, as Donna isn't making any moves to excuse herself yet. It could just be politeness, her wanting to bathe in the light of your presence suffusing your home a little longer, but any thoughts along this exceedingly reasonable line of reasoning are derailed as soon as she opens her mouth again.
"Sooo… Before we keep going. Jackie, did you tell her that I may possibly have purchased some of your sperm before?"
Chuckie's gaze sharpens.
"Not as such," you comment. "Did you want more?"
"Yeppers, an alchemist I know was all over the stuff, made me a pretty penny as I'd hoped."
"You buy Jackie's sperm?" Chuckie asks, staring at yourself rather than at Donna like a normal and reasonable person. "How much?"
"Weeell… I may be convinced to throw in a Silver Coin for a good bit of it. There's only so much of a buyer base I have for things like this, but as I said- a pretty penny still is in it for me."
"…If we could get a tank or something, and a milking machine… Not like I don't know how to set these things up…"
You are, naturally, immediately alarmed by the turn this situation has taken. Luckily, you have an advocate in Tabitha, who is currently nibbling on her kibble right next to the rest of you. "Meeew."
"You heard her," you assert. "No milking the Jackie."
"Oh, don't be silly," Chuckie immediately says- a little too fast to be entirely sincere, you'd say. "I'd never strap you down and milk you for valuable fluids against your will."
Donna raises a hand. "What if it's not against her will?"
"I know what I said, if it ain't then it's fair game." She turns to look you in the eyes. "Just to make sure, are you sure you don't want to just be kept like proper livestock, cumming all day day in and day out, Jackie? All your needs taken care of, nice and comfortable, just producing big, thick loads and breeding-"
"I'll just go and jizz up the dark elf," you announce. Before you have any second thoughts about your obvious and clear refusal.
"You know, I like the enthusiasm, but you do remember I need the sample inside a bottle, not all over myself, yes? Can't have it contaminated after all."
Looking up at the chocolate-skinned elf, you cross your arms. "I'll give you pure cum, just you wait."
"Well yes, that's what I-"
"Surprise Mating Press!"
"What're you- no! Not the panties!"
Note to self, Donna's butt is almost unbearably plush and thicc in all the right ways, pillowy enough you want to make her lie on her belly just so you can actually use these plump cheeks as pillows properly. Your fingers literally sink into the delicious piece of elf-meat when you handle her.
It also, while you're at it, serves as a great place to rest your balls when you pump the first of many, many loads deeps into her, having decided that Donna has to be the one that tastes the wrath of your dick at the prospect of being milked industrially. You'd punish Chuckie too, but she's the one that makes your food, so…
"Ah! Ah! At least… Let me… Nghuh!"
Look, someone has to take the mild arousal you felt despite yourself when Chuckie jokingly (jokingly, right?!) listed what she'd do, and this useless dark elf is the one that gets to do so by virtue of being the closest available set of orifices for you to fill.
"Not in the butt! That place is very sensitive! Ah…!"
Not that you content yourself with cumming inside her. No, you also come all over her, painting her face white one cumshot at a time. You wonder how many you'd need to make it look like a facemask…
"Hah… Hah… Hah…"
"…What's wrong?" You ask when Donna fails to move after only the, what, third time you came? "Still gotta get that sample for sale, don't'cha?"
"…" The elf just continues to breathe heavily until she manages to regain her voice and unscramble her brain. "…I really didn't take you… for the kind of girl… to ever say 'don't'cha'."
"…I can say whatever I want," you declare, one hand wrapped around your cock as it proudly points outwards- well, your hand is a little too small to easily reach all the way around its girth, admittedly, but still, you're slowly jerking yourself, your other hand groping Donna's thigh.
Is every part of this lewd elf so… lewd? Even her thigh feels great just to touch, to grope, to grabble however much you want. She really is too lewd to be allowed to walk around freely.
As expected of an elf. Elves are lewd, after all, that's just how it works.
"And I can do whatever I want, too, so I'm gonna do you some more now."
"Wai- You already came! Thrice!"
You tilt your head. "I know. So?"
"…I may be in danger. I need an adult!"
"You are the adult."
And with that delightful bit of comedy out of the way, you launch right back into the plundering of the dark elf pussy. As long as you keep a little cum ready for later, it's a-okay! And your balls are giving you a metaphorical thumbs up right now, so there's no danger of running out yet.
It is after a long, long day of bullshit that you finally go to bed in the end, the emotional exhaustion of everything that went on catching up to you. Having filled your belly with dinner Chuckie made once you were done with Donna (she invited the dark elf to join you, too, which was weird- you don't normally deal with the aftermath of fucking people these days in any way) and emptied your balls (see above), you curl up inside your bedding-pile, Tabitha choosing to rest on top of it tonight.
You reach out from below to pat her head. It's very cute all around.
It doesn't take you long to drift off to sleep, soundless and graceful. "Muh, mumumumuh… muh, mumumumuh…"
Once more, you shall be off to a pleasant, largely dreamless sleep. You rarely actually dream, haven't been experiencing many of those nightly hallucinations since pretty much ever. You remember thinking it was super weird how other people would dream when you were a kid…
Just their brains spazzing out… And them experiencing weird shit… It made you wonder if maybe they saw the same things dying people did…
…What? That's a reasonable thing for a kid that reads up on how guillotine'd people whose heads have been cut off can still think for a few moments and how near death experiences feel like to ask…
…
…
…
You become aware of a slim girl, her pale-white skin somehow accentuating her even whiter hair and her red, ruby eyes shining in imaginary light. She looks back at you, looking just as perplexed as you are.
Naturally you recognize her. How could you not? She's you, after all, or at least a part of the greater whole that is you. She also is, without a single doubt in your mind, your daughter.
Looking down, you note that you still look like her, too. Therefore, the very first thing you do is to clear your throat, raising a finger. "Since we don't look any different, I propose we clearly define which of us is whom. As part of this initiative, I posit that my name is Jackie, whereas you, as my twin, are-"
"Don't say it, daddy. Please. I'm not sure I could take it."
-"Twinela, the Elena that is my twin."
"Urrrgh." Both hands find the sides of her head as she groans painfully. "Why, of all things, did you have to inherit my inability to come up with non-cringy names?"
"Eh, I'd say we blame Brian on that one."
"That goes without saying. Everything wrong with our life- lives?- is the rat's fault."
"Speaking of, think he can listen in on us here?"
"Past experience says no. He's never reacted to anything I did in here. How… are you here, daddy?"
"…Not sure," you say, stroking your chin as you think. "If I had to guess, it may have had to do with that mind-meld we did for a bit earlier?"
"As good an explanation as any, I suppose." The two of you stand there for a long moment, neither of you doing anything. Until Elena throws herself at you, her arms delivering a surprisingly crushing hug for someone that doesn't have a body right now. "We can finally touch each other without anyone in the way yay!"
"Grkh," you make, your supply of air cut off. Do you even need to breathe? Deliberately just stopping your lungs from moving suggests no, but it feels weird. Not that it stops you from complaining. "Can't breathe."
"Who cares, I can finally cuddle a body double of myself with my own looks intact! That's double the me, daddy, this is brilliant!"
Elena always was a beautiful girl. You telling her as much whenever she seemed like she could use a reminder may have had some unintended side effects, but you regret nothing. Nothing!
High school was, in many ways, painfully mundane and boring, the kind of place and environment that did nothing but try to grind you down through its sheer, petty triviality. Melanie had her opinions about a stupid system that was deliberately kept stupid, fundamentally based upon the desire to churn out broken, soulless husks ready for corporate slavery until the day they died.
Sadly, for all of Melanie's punk-y opinions and rhetoric, nobody really cared about the injustices inherent in society, not that she'd tried to rouse the sheep all that hard, admittedly. Adding to that just how… kind of overwhelming the reality of magic existing was, plus how busy it kept her, her career as a rebel against The Man wasn't really looking all that blooming lately.
Ah well, playing in a punk band always had been plan B to begin with. As it was, the most difficult part of Melanie's day was to weather the stupidity of high school, jazz out with some decent tunes in her ears (headphones were a friend for a reason) and try to make the best out of lunch break, which was the one part of being in school that was just barely bearable.
Mostly because she could screw around with other kids and live a little. Not every part of her life had to be consumed by searching for cool magical crap or murder.
Because murder was bad and stuff. The kind of thing she really shouldn't be doing. Both because she didn't like doing it and because she really, really couldn't afford to be caught with a dead body. Jackie had helped her out of some deep shit last time, but still, that was no excuse or anything.
It still made her think sometimes, the fact she had been entirely reasonable in ending the lives of others. Especially in moments like this one, as she watched, entirely unamused, as two guys from her class were messing around with this little hand-drill right near the tinted windows that led to the girls' changing rooms.
They were outside right now, lunch break having just begun, so nobody else was really nearby. Probably why these two creeps had chosen this time to do this. Seeing as neither of them reacted to her even when she came closer, Melanie cleared her throat.
The dumpy duo was still preoccupied whispering to each other as they continued to work their contraption. So, ever so slightly fed up now, she bonked a fist against each of their heads- not gently, but not punching them either. She wasn't trying to hit them. Yet.
"Ow!" "Ouch!"
"Okay dumbfucks, fess up, the fuck're you doing here?"
"…Nothing!" "What's it look like, huh?"
"Oh, I dunno," Melanie drawled, raising an eyebrow. "Because it looks like two dipshits think they're in some anime or some shit. That's how it's called, right?"
"Oh, fuck off." "Yeah, not like we'd look at you, anyways." "Yeah, what's it to you?"
"'Scuse me?"
"Like anyone would peep on some washing board like you, Mel."
…Yeah, okay, this was somehow both too stupid and too insulting to proceed.
"Hey!" Shouldering one of the double-dumdums aside, Melanie pulled out her trusty scissors, snapping them open and-
Cutting the silent little drill thingy with the little crank driving it right in two.
"Aw man, my dad's gonna kill me!"
"Worry about your dad when your balls aren't on the line, bucko," she said, snapping her scissors again. Both of the boys immediately clammed up, paling when they realized how very much not fucking around she was. "You just remember, I ain't getting in any deep shit over this, but you are. If I ever so much as hear you breathe in the direction of this changing room again, both of you are getting the police called on your asses, don't pass Go, do not collect two hundred bucks, go straight to prison until your parents bail you out. We clear?"
Having delivered her message, Melanie didn't even bother to look back as she stalked off, mood soured by the entire encounter. What she didn't know, though, was that a group of girls was just coming this same way as well, entirely unbeknownst to her witnessing the tail end of the 'conversation' being had.
And just like that, she accidentally gained no less than two fangirls.
You wake up the same way you always do, with a erection and a mind fogged up by sleep. Neither of these things make it easier to actually get up as such, especially as you somehow managed to dig yourself down inside your bedding-pile, groggily pushing your stately manhood down as you wander off in the vague direction of the door.
It is not easy, to contain the sheer amount of greatness you do. The act of withholding your full might from exerting it influence upon reality freely takes much from you.
Still you do what you can, and before long you find your way into the bathroom, blearily blinking at the mirror.
You're looking good today, too. Yawning, you also use the opportunity to confirm that, yes, your smile is still as blinding as ever, despite you not having brushed your teeth in months.
Whatever your magic is doing, it's doing something right. Unbidden, vague memories of Elena's bubble up in the back of your head, of spending hours in the bathroom taking care of her hair, applying arcane concoctions to it and applying what brushing she could to keep it from curling and frizzing up entirely.
You have to suppress a shudder at the reminder. No, whatever parts of your current state of being allow you to just look fabulous without ever putting any effort into it, they may very well be the most powerful among all your numerous strengths.
You wonder what Chuckie made for breakfast today?
Now that you're done with Bleedborne and the entire… set of consequences playing it had for the improvised streaming career you accidentally pulled out of the ground, you found yourself faced with a little bit of a dilemma.
Playing the game was pretty fun, as you will readily admit, and though you don't particularly care for the audience that became a part of doing so Elena absolutely loves the anonymous internet attention, and that's enough for you to go along with that, too. Only, you've just freshly run out of game to play, having done pretty much everything in Bleedborne, so now you have to figure out what else to use your free time on.
Seeing as your daughter insists that you absolutely have to keep on streaming, that means you need to figure out what to play next, because like hell are you about to actually engage with chat in any real depth. Way too exhausting, that; if you wanted to deal with people and their stupid crap, you'd go out and talk to Olivia or something.
Stupid Olivia and her stupidly enthusiastic consent to anything you do to her nowadays.
Anyways, while the temptation is large to just grab some other game made by the same people that already did Bleedborne (Elder Bling sounds pretty cool, it's definitely on your list), you ultimately decided that you should vary your interests up a little, try something different before you return to a very, very similar genre as the first game you played through while showing off.
Instead, you could just go for something that has a similar atmosphere, couldn't you?
Cue you entering the camera's visible range covered in reddish gunk, because actually obtaining a physical copy of Black Out Prison (with all DLC pre-installed!) wasn't easy nor clean to pull off. That said, you got it done, because of course you did, and so now you're ready to stream!
…Once you've washed up a little. "Don't mind me, chat. The slimes got in the way. They're gone now. Anyways, new game, just give me five minutes."
Announcement dropped, you leave the casing of the physical disk by your streaming setup while you go to the bathroom real quick. These slow days where you can just relax and take everything at your own pace are something to be cherished, aren't they?
The opening of Blacked Out Prison (also known as Dorkest Dungeon among some of the chat, interestingly) plays out on the screen, the honestly really well-done narration lending some much-needed clarity to what the heck even is going on. There's some mad shit going down back at the ancestral estate of the unnamed, unshown player character and so the mission is to go there, fix whatever happened.
Simple so far. Less simple is the fact that the equally unnamed ancestor involved in this whole thing kind of used up all of the family fortune, and not even on hookers and booze. No, the game explicitly tells you he stopped that once he started to go mad in his search for what was hidden somewhere under the mansion.
Missed opportunity, that. Also an obvious red flag. "Everyone knows you lose touch with reality when you stop nutting regularly," you note at the appropriate moment, with a shake of your head. "That's how you get old fucks trying to molest anything with tits. Or without. How many of them really care about the difference?"
The chat goes nuts, unsurprisingly. You proceed to ignore it.
Long story short, the carriage you're taking (because this looks to be the, like, 1600s) ends up getting royally fucked on the soothing, rolling expanses of the fucking dirt road in the middle of some mountain forest or whatever and you end up having to fight a couple of brigands as your tutorial.
Naturally, 'you' do not show up even once. Instead, you command a pair of hired goons that apparently were inside the carriage with you, having them eviscerate one of the idiots in your way after the other.
The narrator chimes in at random times, too, mentioning any despair-inducing things going on as well as cheering your guys on whenever they land a crit, kill an enemy or anything like that. He sounds like a pretty swell guy.
"I like it so far," you note as you have the 'rogue' archetype dude under your control shoot one of the brigands right in the fucking head, landing a crit and leaving only one big asshole standing around in the tutorial 'boss' fight's gloom amidst leafless, dark branches stretching towards the skies and the overgrown, plant-choked ground lining the somewhat clear path. "Any game that lets you kill someone two minutes in got one thing right to start with. Reminds me of my old hobby."
Now finally done with all that tutorial stuff, you can finally- Oh, what is it now?
"No, I won't tell you any details, chat. If I wanted them found, I wouldn't have buried the remains."
That done, you can finally get to the rest of the game as such. It doesn't look like it'll be that hard.
You have a good bit of fun, just exploring the aspects of the game you can mess around with and all that. The combat isn't too complicated, you just smack the right attacks at the right targets, fiddle with the positioning and make sure to pack enough provisions and all that stuff. It's nice, nowhere near as… involved as the last game you played, but it should do nicely as a change of pace, which was the entire point.
That said, you're a busy girl, and no amount of screaming foes shot in the face can change that. Even if it is absolutely hilarious every time.
So you wind down the whole thing after a few probing expeditions into the necromancer-infested family estate you're meant to be conquering back, having had enough of a morning break. You really should do this more often- Elena really just has a lot of fun playing video games through you, and that's reason enough for you to do so even if you didn't have fun yourself.
It's not like you'd consider yourself a 'gamer' by any means, but being a casual works just fine for you. Not like you have to compete with other people or anything.
…Unless they randomly invade you in Bl*dborne, in which case they can get fucked by your fancy scythe in there, which is usually what ends up happening. Because hey, someone has to keep the kinds of people that go around randomly invading other players in check, y'know?
It's perfectly legit to go around fucking with other people inside a video game, but fuckery begets fuckery and all that. Crushing their dreams of defeating Jacqueline Elizabeth Frostqueen Surrusprise Rapierina III. is a great joy every time you do it.
But anyways, you've got places to be and people to meet- specifically, you have a Melanie to meet, as you know her school day is about to end, going by the time. See, you can be a super attentive girlfriend if you feel like it, you just usually don't bother, but you could!
…You try to time things so you can go find her somewhere around her school, at any rate, and secure some time with her before she does anything else. After all, if you want attention, nobody and nothing should stand between you and it.
Otherwise you can't guarantee nobody will get shot. Or impaled by a giant super-frozen icicle. Or accidented out of the picture in some more creative way, if you're particularly vindictive and spiteful about it.
Melanie is found, as chance would have it (or 'chance', anyways- knowing what you do of how narrative tropes govern the universe, probability is probably being manipulated all the time, so coincidences like this are unlikely to be actually up to chance) on her way from school, having finished her scholastic exercises for the day already by the time you're looking for her.
Well, admittedly this is still America, so the value of any such exercise is suspect at best, to say the least. You wouldn't trust this educational system to educate a dog, much less an actual child; there's a reason you always made sure to teach Elena the important stuff yourself.
Sitting down with her to teach her reading and writing, way back when, maths (the textbooks were completely, stupidly ridiculous and you feel insulted they use them to teach kids), showing her how to do simple household accounting so she'd have an idea of what they're about and how they work, where to stab a man to reliably kill him, then butcher the corpse for disposal…
The usual things, more or less. She didn't exactly have the upper body strength at the time to do it herself, but you let her help you saw the bones of her first kill apart. Good times. Messy, but they're always like that, aren't they?
That pig got what was coming to him. Good times indeed.
The absurd structure of the any given public schooling's curriculum notwithstanding, however, you have found Melanie, and you know for a fact she isn't going to be at her part-time job today after briefly totally not cyber-stalking her social media and stuff, so she has time for you right now.
Well, she should have time for you by definition, as that's what people in general are for, but her especially so. There just are certain priorities in life, and at the top of those, the crowning jewel of the pyramid of human needs, is you, simple as that.
Right now, Melanie seems preoccupied, however, by one of the few things standing just a rung or two lower on this ladder of things people must pay attention to; on a low wall that lines the property around some private garden or something, a cat is currently lying on all fours, looking at your girlfriend.
Who is, naturally, looking back at it, smiling and holding out her hand for the stripe-furred cat to sniff at. You like that. Cats are nice and people that like cats are also nice.
That doesn't stop you from instantly being jealous, so you immediately descend down to street level aboard your glorious ice throne (flat plane edition). "Kitty," you declare, crawling forward on all fours to face the chubby cat in question.
You do so slowly and non-aggressively, to communicate you aren't a predator to be wary of, as you don't plan on attacking it. As such, when you gently reach out a finger, the cat slowly gets up, sniffing it to in turn tell you it doesn't hate you.
"…Jackie!" It looks back at Melanie when she speaks, having overcome her shock. "Where'd you come from?"
You tilt your head as the cat sniffs your still outstretched hand again. "From the sky. Duh."
Your girlfriend cracks a smile, holding back a snort. "I'd say something about falling from heaven, but I get what you mean. What're you doing here?"
"Came looking for you," you explain, now patting the chubby cat's head- it has decided you are trustworthy, and therefore someone that can be cuddled with. You lightly scritch the back of her head. "Also, cat. I like cats, so this is two head pats at once."
"That so?" Melanie chuckles, pushing herself onto the tips of her toes to reach for you. You allow this, and so soon she is patting your head while you are patting the cat's head. Double head pats achieved. "Glad to know I'm as important as a cat."
See, Melanie gets you.
"Mhm… Speaking of cats," you say, opening one of your eyes again, "I got a pet cat. Wanna see pics?"
"You can't tell me that and not give me cat pics," she deadpans.
Time to brag about your kitty.
"This is Tabby lying on my lap to nap in the afternoon." Swish. "Here she is sleepy and lying on my belly." Swish. "And here she is holding my finger with her paw."
"Aww, that's just the cutest thing ever," Melanie coos, patting your head. You're currently seated on her lap (as you are entitled to, as her girlfriend, and therefore should do at every opportunity), holding your phone so she can see the pictures you're showing her right now.
Your girlfriend, for her part, is sitting on a bench, as you relocated to a small park in the neighborhood; sadly, nothing overtly magical is happening around here, but that just means you can easily take this place for cat picture gatherings like this.
"You haven't seen her sitting on the kitchen table to eat yet," you say, scrolling one image further. "She has to get her morning kibbles together with everyone else's breakfast."
Quivering with a suppressed urge to squeal at the cuteness on display, Melanie chuckles as she hugs you from behind. "She's a very good kitty, huh? How old is she? Asking because of how young she looks."
"No idea," you shrug. "Adopted her off the street. Well, off a roof, technically. She came to greet me while I was on the way back from some magical girl business and stuff, been with me ever since."
"Jeez, talk about fortunate. Did you remember to make sure she didn't have any fleas, do her vaccinations and all of that stuff?"
"Totally," you blatantly lie. "All squared away."
Note to self, make Brian whip up some vaccinations or something just in case. And get an anti-flea fur brush or something, just to make sure. You're pretty sure the environment around your home should have disposed of any such issues already, but you'd better make sure.
Actually, your backyard should be full of very nonstandard bacteria and other unicellular life, considering Viridis has been in control of it for so long, so if anything Tabitha should present a biohazard for anyone whose immune system is not used to magical stuff like that. Which is very good.
Your kitty is superior to the point all other people get sick with envy just by being in her presence.
"Why're you making that smug expression?"
"I'm not," you say, immediately forcing your cheeks to stop doing what they were.
"No, no, I'm pretty sure that's a very smug little smile," Melanie insists, gently poking at the side of your face.
"Mou," you pout, turning your face away. Then you turn it back, for a lurking poking-poised finger already awaited your other cheek there. The betrayal! The agony!
"Hehe," your girlfriend chuckles, hugging you again. You shall allow it. "We should do this kind of thing more often. Just hanging out, I mean."
"Mhm," you make in assent, scrolling onward on your phone to a picture of Tabitha rubbing her little face against your palm. "We should. Also, there's something you should know?"
"Oh? We already did the magical girl reveal and the magic is real one, so what is it?"
"There's a girl."
"Ah."
"And she wants to be my girlfriend. Weirdly insistent on it, too."
"Hmm," Melanie hums. "Is she a magical girl too, or…?"
"She is. That's how I know her." You hesitate for a moment as you try to figure out how to put this. "I told her no, but she just said she didn't care. Not sure what to do about that."
"She didn't do anything to you you didn't want her to, did she?"
"Nah, she's way too weak," you shake your head. "Just… weird and stuff. So I wanted to tell you."
"I see. What are you planning to do about her, or are you just flying by the seat of your pants?"
You take a moment to think, your eyebrows creasing with the depth and thorough introspection of said thought. "Umumu…"
"It's that hard to say, huh?" Melanie strokes through your hair. "Take your time thinking about it."
"Ugh," you complain wordlessly, finally throwing your hands up in the air. While staying careful not to hit your girlfriend in the face, of course. "I got no idea! This people stuff is hard, okay?"
"I get that. People are stupid and annoying all the time, aren't they?" Melanie smiles, still stroking your hair. You should introduce a patting tax, actually, where people have to tithe their time and attention to you for patting your head, then pay taxes for each pat. Yes, the fundamental superiority of the financial structure of the Ice Empire's governance is showing nicely already.
"Absolutely. Other people, anyway," you mention with a casual wave of your hand. "You're tolerable."
"Tolerable, am I?" Melanie chuckles. "Has anyone ever told you're a complete cat?"
You consider protesting for a moment, seeing as that statement is provably false- you lack the ears and the tail, after all- only to shrug and just go with it. "Meow," you make, imitating Tabitha's tone when she wants cuddles.
Which, as it so happens, is something you hear very often. Your cat is very cuddly. Because she's the best kitty, that's why.
"What, you gonna purr if I scratch your chin?"
"Only one way to find out," you say, though you still shake your head away from Melanie's hand when she attempts to give it a try. "But back to Olivia. I dunno what to do about her."
Your slim girlfriend hums, obviously thinking as her fingers slide against each other over your belly. "You don't hate her, do you?"
"…No," you decide after a moment of thought. "She used to be pretty useless, but she actually got better lately. It's creepy."
Olivia's your pet, not your partner, and you do not appreciate the way she's been displaying increased competence lately. Your dumb puppy is losing dumb puppy appeal points to instead become a horny puppy, and you aren't sure how to feel about that.
"Mhm, mhm," Melanie nods. "Alright, so I guess there's not much you can do, right now. So just… Wait and see, I guess? If this Olivia girl is really unpleasant, just tell her, and if she doesn't stop… Are there any other magical girls that you can ask for help?"
"She has a team. They're my minions," you explain.
"There you go, just tell them Olivia is making you uncomfortable and use them as shields, then." You aren't sure your natural predominance can stomach having to actually ask them for it, but avoiding being alone with Olivia should be doable, at least whenever you don't want to deal with her brand of crazy.
Or whenever you don't want to fuck her, anyways, same difference. This is workable. "Got it."
"And if you do decide to go out with her, just make sure to tell me ahead of time, alright?"
"…" You pause to consider what Melanie is saying here. "We're not breaking up."
"…Are you sure?" She asks, and all of a sudden you can't help but wonder whether it's a coincidence that you're sitting on her lap like this- so you can't see her face. "I… don't want to make you think you have to stay with me, because you don't, and you shouldn't-"
"Stupid. Shut up," You grumble, pushing Melanie's arms off yourself so you can shuffle and turn around, facing your girlfriend properly. She tries to look away, but you can still see the warring storm of emotions in her eyes, and so you do the one thing that makes sense right now.
You kiss her, no tongue or anything, just your lips on hers, the scent of strawberry in her lipstick faintly prickling your nose. Looking at her squarely, you challenge her to draw back, to dare to imply anything right now, but she doesn't, and so you just kiss her a little bit longer.
When you finally draw back, you have to take a deep breath, because your lungs are small (and specialized and superior to normal, boring-sized ones, naturally), but once that's done, you speak. "You're my girlfriend. I'm not breaking up with you. Mine."
"…" This time it's her turn to consider your words carefully for a moment, finally sighing gently with a small smile. "Alright. Guess you've kind of grown on me, huh? No talk of breakups, then."
"Yup. It's not allowed, by order of the Office of Jackie." You nod decisively, having taken care of yet another stupid little thing before it can spiral out of control- you're getting good at this whole magical girl business. "And no thinking about it, either!"
"Fine, fine, no thinking, either," Melanie smiles, patting your head again.
You shall allow it still. Even if you really want to try biting and nipping at her fingers.
The two of you stay in the little park for a little while longer, just hanging out and not talking too much. At great length, though, Melanie gets to asking a few questions, only some of which are slightly problematic for you.
"So what's up with downtown, exactly? I went to scope it out from afar when you told me not to go there, but there have't been any headlines or missing people or anything like that."
"Hm? Ah," you nod, buying a moment of time to gather your thoughts. "There's a cognitive inhibition field over there. To anyone far enough inside it, sex is completely normal and something to do at all times."
"…Huh," Melanie makes, blinking. "Anyone?"
"Anyone anyone," you nod. "Anytime. At least mundanes, anyway. It's a persistent effect, so the best anyone can do is to wait for it to go away eventually. Until then, may as well just avoid the place."
"I kind of want to see how that looks like, just out of morbid curiosity, but yeah, guess you're right. I'm kind of afraid to ask you for pics, at this rate." She definitely should be, those nosy gents from the FBI might misunderstand. "Anything else I should know about?"
"Hmm…" You take a moment to consider that one. "Maybe stay away from any churches and priests. Pretty sure a priest I know may be a serial killer, but he gives me free holy water for demons and undead."
"Wait a second, are we talking, like, fire and brimstone demons, or…?"
"Stuff from hell that gets summoned sometimes. They're a pain," you grouse.
"But could just anyone summon them, do you need a minimum amount of magic to do it, or how does that work?" Melanie asks, reaching up towards the side of her face to touch the magical markings underneath her eye.
"…Please don't summon demons unsupervised. That's how the sex zone downtown happened in the first place."
"So it's fine as long as you're there to back me up?" She grins at you.
"Obviously," you huff, crossing your arms. "I can just defeat anything that makes a single wrong move. That's how you do bussines with demons properly."
Plus some watertight contracts to lock them down with, but you don't mention those, of course. No need to hint towards just how much practical experience you have with using summoned demons to do your bidding, for all that you limit that to throwing lowly imps at fortified targets.
Unbeknownst to both Melanie and Jackie (who wasn't paying attention at the time), they were not unobserved for the duration of their talk, as the park near the former's school, while not large nor well-known, was conveniently located enough for some other students to frequent it, proving particularly attractive to the brand of loners that neither wanted to spend time around school nor come home too early in the day for one reason or another.
One such loner was hiding in the figurative bushes, holding up a smartphone and taking pictures as the high schooler kissed the top of the white-haired, much younger-looking girl. The camera used for this wasn't too great, but the resulting footage was perfectly good enough to see exactly what was going on, for as potentially innocuous as it was.
Holding their breath, the perpetrator of this act slowly withdrew from the area, never knowing they would have gotten a shot of the two making out in earnest if they'd waited for another minute or two. However, having acquired more of a bounty than expected to begin with, the person in question still considered themselves fortunate as they got away unscathed.
At least for acquiring these pictures. What would happen from this point on was another question entirely.
Runes really are a lot of fun to tinker around with, and by 'fun' you mean they're a pain in the ass, but one that you can force to do what you want if you do it just right- and the frustration of finding the one way you need to do so for hours on end turns into borderline euphoria every time you finally succeed.
Hence the 'fun' part. You imagine it's kind of like a video game player that, say, attempts to play Bl*dborne, except they suck at it, and so instead of one-sidedly studying and eliminating bosses one by one, they die to basic bitch enemies all the time, having to try again and again to get anywhere.
You wouldn't know, of course, but that's probably similar to how it feels to have to puzzle out arcane symbols that don't make any sense at the best of times in order to wrangle reality into subservience to you. It's really just a question of what level of task presents a challenge for different kinds of people.
Still, at least you're making progress. Soon… Soon you shall be able to construct mighty edifices of ice, forbidding the use of any heretical (as in, non-ice) magic within the grasp of your territorial ambitions, which for the record remain great.
Look, you're still in charge of a whole-ass city, more or less. As you identify as a magical girl boss encounter, you need to have some kind of gimmick or something up your sleeve if you really want to turn things around and make the monsters and whatever other challengers to your rule may exist face you rather than the other way around, and the pylons are one way to acquire something like that.
They're not exactly magical nukes, but they may as well be, really. These bad boys can fit so much magic, they just soak up hostile spells and spit them back out as a big fat 'fuck you'. What's not to love?
…Sure, you haven't ever actually used these things in practice yet, mostly because they'd be kind of unwieldy and you never actually made one, aside from the miniature prototypes that just kind of burst into snowballs when charged up all the way, but you're pretty sure you can scale the design up as intended. The math works out.
By which you mean the math you made Brian do works out. Same difference, honestly, and he actually seemed to relish the opportunity to do some actual magical science.
Now, where'd you put the schematics for your ice-death-ray, to be mounted on your flying ice palace if and when you ever figure out all the little things about it, such as the logistics, for a start…
There are quite a few other projects you have been looking to undertake, of course, in addition to the usual rune workshopping and magic practice- your phenomenal cosmic power is only as great as it is because you are the one wielding it, rather than some twit that didn't earn it on their own merits and all.
Elena's idle thoughts about Japanese comics- manga, they're called manga, okay, fine, stop it with the headaches already!- and their weird 'isekai' plots that apparently involve that exact thing as an unaddressed plot point as a matter of course aside, you really do put a lot of effort into being good with your magic. There's a reason very few monsters really give you much trouble, once you get your sights on them.
…A repeat of the 'Hob-God Incident', with the sudden display of martial arts, jumping kicks and surprising survivability cannot be allowed. That one fatass may have been a god among greenskins, but it would just be embarrassing if it ever came to light you actually were in danger against goblins, when you first started out.
Though the rune-bombs you put everywhere around their lair to screw with them were totally awesome, and one of your most inspired tactics to date. As was making that Glowwolf blow itself up by setting a trap with the same for it.
There's a reason you put so much thought into building what amounts to bigger, better, non-ice magic inhibiting bombs these days. Feeding one of your ice pylons to a big monster so the mana inside it makes the thing blow up right away is kind of a dream of yours, okay?
Ice warheads will be but a hop, skip and a jump away after that stage. Before long you shall employ intercontinental ice rockets, blowing monsters up all over the world from the comfort of your own home!
Muh-hahahahahah!
But more on the current and immediate end of things you can do, you've been planning on doing a bit of renovation, so you decided that the break between the Collector's activities may as well do for this. After all, it's not like you have anything in particular to do with your free time, and you didn't feel like gaming today.
Mostly because you kind of broke the game on accident last time you played Blacked Out Prison. How were you supposed to know you weren't supposed to combine those classes?
Still, it was pretty amazing. You basically started one-shotting everything within the first turn of combat, which was pretty nice- you consider your characters being hit at all an affront to your dignity, after you successfully dodged everything in Bleedborne and all.
Anyways, home design improvement is the order of the hour, and you've been thinking about ways to do it ever since you found that portal between the ocean and the Overcity's sewer system. Normally, you wouldn't find any of those portals under the sea, as those usually only pop up in and around populated concentrations of civilization, aka cities above a given size, but apparently the beach just barely counts and one of them managed to happen near it.
Considering neither villages nor towns of sufficient size seem to be enough for this purpose, it's a real case of good luck on your part. But then, the world should know better than to inconvenience you, so fair's fair far as you're concerned.
The really big issue has been either having to somehow connect the portal to Minako's housing so the be-tentacled girl could use it to go out to sea whenever she wants (you'd feel kinda bad just effectively locking her up around the area of your house, given her difficulties with dry land) or else having to relocate her entirely, which would be a lot less convenient for everyone involved.
After all, she often comes to visit your place and hangs out for a bit before her lower body dries out too much. That would be a lot more difficult if she had to commute back and forth all the time.
That said, with the development of Minako gaining the use of actual legs again- if limited in how long she could keep them- a lot of possibilities opened up, and so you've been slowly planning out how to do what you're doing right now.
Well, you had Brian do the associated math, of course, but hey, same difference. You just want to avoid accidentally flooding half the forest and making Viridis turn it into some horrible salt water swamp with mosquitoes the size of your balls or something.
'Your balls' being, as yourself, an absolute unit, and therefore a completely valid form of measurement, for the record.
So there you are, wearing a bright yellow hardhat you conjured yourself. As are all the golems you summoned to perform the menial labor involved in digging out a big hole through concrete and parts of the sewers, filling it with concrete yourself and constructing a short underground tunnel straight around the flooded pipe that leads to the Overcity gateway you're here for.
The same goes for Brian, by the way. You used your power of clothing conjuration to make a small one that fits on his horrible little plush head. Can't risk his mutilated mug becoming any uglier through work accidents, after all, he might just spontaeously gain the power to petrify people that behold him at that point.
"Chuuh, why do I have the feeling you're thinking something chuhing rude right now?"
"Projection," you casually deflect his entirely valid point before you turn towards your construction golems. It's really handy how they can shapeshift their limbs to perform a lot of the work involved in this, from literal drill hands fused together out of both arms to break up the ground to jackhammers to even everything out where you want it to be, but they still need to handle the actual building materials beyond the tools they replace. "Bring the cement mixer over there, and someone get on smoothing out the corners!"
You refuse to have your second private lake (the first being the cum lake that eventually filtered away into being an actual lake filled with water and all) get super filthy because dirt can accumulate on hard edges, okay?
"Chuuh, don't you usually leave commanding them to that one?" Brian asks, his tail gesturing towards Elena, who is currently lying down on a beach lounger under the shade of a large umbrella, idly drinking some cola as she watches on behind the sunglasses she put on herself, wearing only a bikini on her current body.
"I'm on vacation right now," she comments, taking a sip through the straw jauntily jutting out of the glass she's keeping cool by mere touch. "As such, please inquire with my stand-in for any golem-related needs."
Which is you, of course. That's right- you have full control over the minions right now, your power over them unlimited! "That's what they get for trying to organize a union," you smile evilly. "Hop hop hop, minions! Unless you want me to bring out the whips and candle wax!"
Collectively shuddering, your golems speed up their work, construction in full swing. Now next to your feet, Brian looks at you, then back at them. "Not even gonna ask, chuh."
-Dammit, I totally thought our feminine charm would've blown her away
-Jackie or Karen
-Yes
-Yes
-BothAreGood.jpg
-Go choke on a pretzel
-Pretzeltime!
-But seriously, how come Karen is this powerful? Wasn't she supposed to be kind of weak to start with?
-Yeah, I remember ototem mentioning she died to weak monsters
QM: Caroline is not all that strong, but her magic got boosted by a third party when she got brought back to life. Blame Jackie.
-Jackie can do no wrong
-Heresy
-How would Jackie cause someone to power up Karen?
QM: She has some powerful enemies, ones you've had to deal with already. You just don't know because they're the evil mastermind type.
-Does it have something to do with that Brian thing
QM: It may or may not be Bran's past catching up to him
-Knew it
-Puchuu gangsters are a thing
-Why else would he have a murder basement
-Like, he's either a serial killer or a mad scientist
-Or he could be both
QM: You can always ask Jackie about it
-She would totally lie to cover him
-Guys, why aren't we talking about the most important issue right now
-Karen is trying to steal our girlfriend
QM: Remember she explicitly didn't agree to become your girlfriend
-Who cares
-Future girlfriend, then
-That girl is claimed, we got our scent all over her
-Olivia made sure of that with how much she squirts
-We had her dick up our butt, can't get more marked than that
-So why didn't Jackie agree? You'd think us going along with her would be what she wants.
QM: She has her own reasons, you'll have to find out yourself
-Detective work, yay
-Hey guys, did you notice that QM's name spelled backwards is-
When the light shone from the floor of the classroom in the middle of, well, class, Elena Winters was daydreaming about what she would do come PE, using the usual opportunity of all the girls changing together… And being quite some time to do so, because of course girls needed longer.
That was why she didn't quite have the time to observe the intricate patterns of the magical circle spinning into existence, its shine quickly intensifying to the point of being blinding. She sure didn't miss the screams of her classmates, though, nor the sudden way the sounds of the city around the school cut off.
Her last thought as she silently measured the distance between her desk and the door leading outside, past the cowering teacher diving between the teacher's desk in the assumption of a flashbang or similar school shooting related incident taking place, was 'daddy is gonna be so pissed'.
She wouldn't exactly be quick getting out, so she just sighed and hoped this was, like, some weird isekai thing. Manga and anime had prepared her for that, at least.
"What is this? Where are we?"
"Oh brave heroes, called upon in our time of greatest need, welcome to the kingdom of Eorza!"
Her mind cooled down, entering that cold, calculated place it always did when things got serious. Information input was prioritized, so she took a look around, staying on guard and taking in as much as she could with her eyes, ears and even nose.
Some kind of fantasy world, isekai. The speech of the king-looking person made that much clear. Summoned heroes. Bother.
She'd have to see whether the others had some useful cheat-y abilities and, if there was anyone that didn't, immediately take them out first. It was always the one that got stuck with crappy abilities or none at all that become weirdly strong and took revenge on everyone that belittled them beforehand, and Elena had no fucking patience for getting caught up in that shit.
There were a couple guards in armor- no idea whether her knife would go through the joints and she didn't want to try. Not until she confirmed how fantasy-like physics were here. A couple of richly-dressed presumable noblemen. One big titty onee-san among them, see if she could flirt with her later.
The king was saying something interesting. "Simply think of your 'Status' and you will see the gifts bestowed upon you in the grace of the-" Right, right. Status.
…Well now, that did look promising. Too bad neither of her classes sounded like they'd give magic-y stuff, though. That would be pretty neat. Like, why even be in some fantasy world if you couldn't do magic?
Maybe Psychopath had some demon summoning or blood magic or something. She'd figure it out. And, failing that, surely one of the minions had some magical class at least.
"Hm?" Elena made as she realized people were looking at her. Right, they were introducing their classes so everyone knew what they had to work with, huh? Surely her classmates plus teacher were rattled from this situation, else they'd never, ever be honest about this. Letting everyone know your real class would just invite the one inevitable traitor to betray them. "I'm a Rogue, with some bladedancer thing for my sub," she shrugged.
Now, who had to die first? Best to keep the list straight in her head and all. Writing it down would just be pure insanity on top of everything else.
As daddy had taught her, either leave as few clues hinting at you as possible or just produce so many contradictory ones it became impossible to figure out which the right ones were.
Elena was nothing if not messy when she wanted to be.
You remember going to sleep more or less like you always do, stretched across your pile of bedding, with Tabitha cuddling up to your belly. Your legs are stretching in weird directions, but nobody cares as long as you're comfortable, and so that's exactly what happens.
Idly cuddling with your pet kitty, you lightly scratched her cute little chin as you drifted off to sleep. Yup, it's all coming back to you pretty clearly.
Which only makes it more perplexing that you wake up standing on some kind of floating platform- one not under your control, meaning it's not made of ice- in some kind of huge cave.
Or at least you can't see the sky, and there's stone walls visible some ways away, lit by a series of torches. Around you, more such platforms are floating around, the forms of other people shaking themselves awake visible on them in the steady gloom that's all you have to see by.
"Ugh… Where'm I…?" Except, you do of course recognize Olivia's voice, easily. Whoever decided not to turn on the light really kind of failed at their job if they meant to psyche you out or anything.
"This isn't where I went to sleep. Unless the car filled with three college hunks suddenly developed some pocket dimension thing," Bubbles, who is further away, notes aloud.
"Team? You guys there?" And that's Kerrie, meaning the entire B-Team is assembled, Joy.
"I hear all of you." You take a moment longer for that one, but you're pretty sure that's Mitsuko. The pinkest of pinkettes.
"Meow." Tabby!
"Tabitha," you say, hugging your cat. She's on your platform as well, meaning you have at least some intelligent and eloquent company.
"Jackie? You're here, too?" Kerrie asks, obviously not keeping up. Ugh.
"Mhm. Looks like all of us magical girls are," you conclude. "I expect some villainous reveal and/or monologue about what is going on in three, two, one…"
"Bingo/Correct/Ding ding ding, we have a winner!" The multifaceted voice of the Collector answers your challenge, a stage light coming to life to illuminate the creature in question standing on a platform identical to your own, opposite from the gathered magical girls of Ciudad genérica. "Why, such a smart cookie/cool head/Captain Obvious!"
You tilt your head at what you see. Next to the Collector, two more platforms are floating, taken up by small cage the likes you would keep, say, canaries or similar small birds in. Except these ones are filled by none other than Brian and Snaketail, your sharp eyes tell you.
"As you can see," the obvious antagonist of this situation continues to announce, many arms fanning out to gesture towards both of them as the spotlight splits into three to light their respective situations up as well, "there are hostages, too, so some caution is recommended/necessary/required. For the duration of this game, none of you may use your magic or otherwise interfere with any other players outside of explicit permission of the rules/the law/this plane of existence."
"How dare you!" Kerrie shouts, immediately catching on. She was probably just still groggy from sleep earlier. "Snaketail may be a shit, but he's our shit! Release him at once!"
"Chu, don't worry about me, try not to fall for its provocations!" The purple-colored Puchuu advises its magical girls.
You, on the other hand, tilt your head as your brows knit, Tabitha sitting on your lap already (you sat down earlier, no point being all high-tension quite yet) to get some head pats. You know Brian. He's paranoid, would never let himself be taken off guard and captured like this. You refuse to believe it.
Indeed, looking at him like this, you get the feeling Brian had to let himself be 'captured' in order to play the role of a hostage. You also can't help but consider that this most likely is the Collector's final test, or challenge, and playing along with the rules it presents may be less important than the implicit ones it will not.
"Puchuuh, such cruelty," Brian exclaims in complete monotone, his acting so deliberately bad it almost swings back around to being good. Almost. "Taken in the worst of moments, chuh. Who will take care of my sick grandmother if I am to be sacrificed in this struggle, puuh?"
Everyone gives Brian a look. Everyone except you, that is, as you are busy thinking about how The Collector will cheat, but it will let you cheat as well, because the framework is less important than the story. It always is about the story, the themes, the narrative with it, so exploit that for all it's worth dammichuh.
You got it.
"You said 'game'," you idly point out, figuring you may as well get ahead of this whole shebang while the going's good. "What are we playing and what are the rules?"
Just because the Collector will apparently not tell you everything doesn't mean you can't just ignore the things it will, not to mention you can't cheat without knowing how to. Also, you're kinda curious just what exactly is going on with this whole… thing.
"An excellent question/query!" The creature in question waves two of its hands, causing the lights to flicker as an unfelt gust of wind rushes through the cave(?) you're in.
From below, several thin objects float upwards, coming to a halt in front of each of the platforms bearing one magical girl each. You furrow your brows and consider not touching it at all just to be safe, but when the others reach out to theirs and are fine, you snatch it out of the air after all.
The wide piece of… stone? Cardboard? You aren't sure what it is exactly, but it's large enough to require both hands to hold, only to shrink down to fit into one hand once you touch it. That's not the worrying part, though.
Written on top of the card you're now holding, around maybe twice as large as normal, average trading cards (Elena was never really into those, but she recognizes what's in front of her easily enough) is Ice Empress, with a picture of yourself wearing your magical girl outfit taking up the majority of the thing.
…Why does it say 'Alignment: Evil' in the corner there, and what's this about you only having three attack and five health? Not to mention the effect text- 'On summon, place two 2/2 Golem tokens'?
Both you and your minions are much stronger than this text would have you think. This is an outrage. Also, what is this, Mana the Gainering?
Looking around, it seems the others all received a card corresponding to their own (much weaker) selves as well. "These cards are the representation/crystallization/identity of yourselves as magical girls," the Collector explains. "They are what you will be playing with."
Snapping three of its hands, the monster conjures a bunch of extra cards into its hands, lazily waving them at you.
"There are also spells you will have to collect before you can use them, but any of you may use any spells regardless whose it is. More importantly…" Five additional cards float upwards, but this time they are on the other side, in front of the Collector and the imprisoned Puchuus. "These are our cards. If you want your hostages released, you must find and liberate their cards before the end of the game."
Leaving three of them for the Collector itself, you note.
"How do we do that?" Not gonna lie, you're kind of getting bored with the exposition already. All of this stuff seems fairly self-explanatory, it'd probably be easier to just get going already.
"By navigating the map/game of life/warning signs, of course," the Collector sniffs. "However, be warned, your cards can and will be taken as well, if you are careless. And without the identity/aspect/self of a magical girl contained within…"
"Is that why we can't transform right now?" Olivia asks, surprising you with the insight she is actually demonstrating in doing so. "Because the costumes and the magic are in these cards?"
"Precisely," your current antagonist hisses with a dozen voices at once, or more so than usual, anyways. "Now, without further ado-"
Actually, you have a complaint. "Hey. What about my cat?"
"Meow."
"The animal is not a magical girl, therefore-"
"Muh," you make mulishly, eyes narrowing.
"Chuuh, better to just go along with it when she's like that," Brian says, handing out free advice like it's candy. "You do not want to see what happens, puchuuh."
"…"
Tabitha's card says she's got two attack, one life and has the 'Stealthy' keyword. Fair enough. Also, she's purring very happily now that her talents have been acknowledged appropriately.
Such a good kitty. You scratch her chin a whole bunch.
You are now looking at what looks like some kind of archaic map, drawn by hand and paying attention to particular landmarks rather than wasting time with things such as accuracy, or being at all useful to anyone that doesn't have an eye for what rocks might correspond to what hand-drawn symbols on it.
It (the map, to be clear) is also large enough to completely hide the opposing 'team' in this game you've been forced into, and only its lower edge bears any useful marks- seemingly defying gravity, five figures stand vertically upon it.
Until you clear your throat, anyways, and a cat-like figure joins them. Much better. Though the craftsmanship could be better, it does get the point across.
Not to be catty or anything (heh), but Tabitha is much prettier than this figurine. Just saying.
"The… five of you," the Collector begins to narrate, "found yourselves in the midst of a mysterious forest. Within it, you know, a particular ruin stands to this day, and you are determined to reach it."
Oh wow. Original much? Intensely helping with your immersion, this. Incredible. You cannot believe it.
"The only question/uncertainty/decision to be made now is, which way shall you go?"
As though by an invisible hand, ink is drawn over the map, lining out to paths that lead north from your starting point. On the left hand, you have a winding, unsteady path that leads towards what you can only describe as a skull symbol, whereas the right one leads to a campfire of some kind.
You exchange a few glances with everyone else, the other magical girls present equally as annoyed as you-
"Jackie, do you know what is going on?" Kerrie asks. "And am I right in assuming we all just woke up in this place after going to sleep?"
Mitsuko raises a hand. "Yes. It was very disorienting and rude. Who is this rude person with the masks?"
You sigh. "It's called the Collector. Technically not a person. I've been trying to deal with it for a couple days now. We'll have to play the game to leave. And get the Puchuus back, I guess."
You briefly consider just letting Brian stay in the Collector's clutches, but no, that would probably just have unintended consequences down the line. Also, you did finally reach an understanding- it would be a shame to waste your good working relationship like that, especially when he actually can pull himself together and be helpful sometimes.
"And yes, me and Tabitha were sleeping, too," you add. "Just woke up here. Right?"
"Meow," your cat makes, pawing at the floating card representing her cuteness. Where else would the Stealth keyword come from- nobody can bring themselves to attack her, and this is just the way this 'game' interprets it. Also, the card itself just kind of adheres to her paw when she presses it against it, most likely because she couldn't hold it otherwise.
So cute. Muwuwuwuwu. You wanna just cuddle her now.
"Guess we'll just have to pick a path, if we're playing along?" Olivia suggests. "The skull obviously hints at something bad, but if it was that simple it wouldn't be drawn like this, would it?"
"Think it's just reverse-psychology?" Bubbles asks. "'Cuz I didn't get my morning cum and I wanna screw someone over."
Kerrie gags. "Is that why your breath smells so much before breakfast?"
"Hey! It doesn't smell, you just don't know to appreciate the aroma!"
"Girls, you can all get some cummies later," you grumble, dying a little inside as you realize you have to wrangle this sorry bunch into playing a weird roguelike card game whose rules you barely understand. "Focus. Right, or left?"
"Right."
"Left."
"Right."
"Left."
The four of them, B-Team plus Mitsuko, look at each other as they realize what just happened. Then, all of them turn towards you.
You hold back another sigh. "Tabitha, what do you say?"
"Mrrrw," your kitty makes, stretching out her left paw.
"Left it is. If this goes horribly wrong, know I blame you all for it."
Your surroundings fade, dark cave and empty space replaced with lush, verdant forest stretching far as the eye can see. The air itself follows suit, too, becoming just like you'd expect in an actual forest, fresh and unnaturally healthy, and a slight breeze blows past your group, still standing information, but now walking without even wanting to.
The transition is smooth, even- you don't suddenly start moving, you already are and have been for a while, as though the platforms and sitting down to pet Tabitha were all a lie. Speaking of, your cat is currently held safely in your arms, her fluffy butt propped up by your hand so she can cling to you.
Such a cutie-pie. You could just spend all day cuddling her.
"On your mission to find your missing friends and unearth the ancient magics of this place," the Collector's manyfold voices continue to narrate, now, "you are now entering the place presumed to be filled with both, the mystical forest hiding many a secret/unknown/mysterious organism. And just as many dangers, as the tales of travelers entering it only to never again emerge/stay gone/go missing tell."
Something about this scenery is acutely familiar to you, in a way that immediately has your suspicion rise. Something about the trees, the way they look… It can't be an exact copy, the sunlight filtering through the canopy above you makes that much clear, but still.
In the distance, you can hear the howl of some creature, echoed by more of its kind. "Already, you can tell the rumors/stories/tall tales are based on fact; a pack of Grassy Wolves approaches your group, drawn to the scent of prey/easy victory/fresh meat."
…It's Grasswolves. A small pack of the green buggers comes rushing from amidst the trees, their moss- and grass-like fur blending into the environment, though far from enough to avoid your notice well ahead of time.
Luckily, you can move and act just fine now, though, so the first thing you do is to approach the grass puppies coming your way; these ones aren't as big as some of the specimens living in your actual backyard, who have been growing up to full size over a longer time than you'd have expected.
Like, Viridis obviously had her hand on their development to get the first couple generations ready to breed in record time and all, but as it turns out some fully-grown Grasswolves easily comes up to your shoulders. Which, considering that's nearly a whole Jackie tall, is actually really huge for a wolf-like creature.
Normally you have this image of wolves being these overgrown dogs and all, but no, your green doggies are each big enough to just run over a grown man if they decide to. 'Tis only natural, for how else are they going to apprehend potential intruders?
These ones, though, aren't all that big, so you can easily stand taller than them. You do so now, holding out a hand as you slowly walk towards the Grasswolves filtering closer. "Muh."
"Jackie, what are you doing?" Kerrie asks, hand on the sword at her side. Right, you barely noticed, but everyone started out transformed, didn't they? Or they were the moment the surroundings changed. That's convenient at least, if nothing else.
"Making friends. Don't worry, I got this."
"We shall await good news of your success," Mitsuko beams (figuratively, not literally, because yeah you kinda have to make that clear), "or, failing such, be ready to back you up!"
"'s fine," you shrug the idea of the suggestion of your possible failure off, "these are good puppies. Aren't you?"
Now slowing to a trot, the lead Grasswolf eyes you curiously, coming closer without a shred of fear. Sniffing your hand, it snuffles at it happily, pacified.
The handful of other pups come closer as well at the sight, each taking turns confirming you are a friend. Once they're all satisfied in the knowledge there is no danger coming from you (nor, presumably, your group, though they stay wary towards the others), you can easily pat their heads, scratch behind their ears and generally treat them just like normal dogs.
"Amazing…" Kerrie whispers. "Is Jackie just really good with animals, or what's going on here?"
"I think she might be. See, her cat is just sitting down and waiting for her to be done…" Olivia replies, pointing at Tabitha- who promptly gets up from where you left her to, much as in your actual backyard garden, make friends with the Grasswolves by hopping onto their backs. "Nevermind."
"Hey girls, those dogs don't look like they're here for platonic cuddles," Bubbles cuts in with the same delicacy and tact you've come to expect from her. That is, none. "Look a' those red rockets!"
Kerrie looks. Then she sighs, shaking her head. Olivia, on the other hand, blushes, though not as brightly as she does when confronted with your dick these days, whereas Mitsuko remains apathetic towards this fact.
Yeah, you kind of expected this, to be honest. It wouldn't be your puppies if they weren't horny, after all. That just makes sense.
As such, you just shrug and get on all fours, reaching below one of the bellies aching for a few scratches to fondle the heated, pulsing, tapered organ hanging under it. Immediately, the Grasswolf in question starts to pant happily, pushing its head against you.
You don't let it shove yourself, though, and instead continue on to lightly jerk it off with one hand as you are.
"E-eh? What're you doing Jackie?" Olivia asks.
"Getting the encounter over with," you explain, making the puppy howl quietly as Grasswolf jizz erupts onto your hand. "One down, only four more to- gwuh."
You do not make any inappropriate, unladylike or unmanly sounds. Not at all. Any assertions as to the opposite are lies and slander, and shall be persecuted to the fullest extent of the law. The Jackie Law, which is, naturally, the best law.
In completely unrelated news to any of that, though, you find yourself pinned underneath one of the other Grassdoggies, who has sneakily sneaked up behind you like a sneak thief. And, as you suddenly find out after not paying attention to this stuff earlier, the enchanted panties you usually wear are curiously absent at the moment…
Long story short, one of them mounts you, leaving you distracted enough for another one to walk up and push its dick into your face. Left with little other choice, you nom onto it, sucking on the wolf's cock while another one is ramming its own into your pussy doggystyle, eagerly trying to breed you.
Both of them are rutting into you at quick, hard paces, just like untrained animals thinking only of getting off as quickly as possible. You do not at all enjoy it, your eyes stay focused instead of rolled up into your head and in no possible interpretation of events do you get off to this yourself.
The dispensing of sperm from your penis and the tightening of your vaginal walls are merely techniques you employ to speed this whole thing up. Obviously.
Suffice it to say that both come in short order under the ministrations of your superior body, the vaguely sap-like taste in your mouth lingering even after you gulp everything down and some of the cum running down your thighs when you get up again.
"Hmpf," you make, booping both of their snoots. "At least be gentler. Also, wasn't there one more of you?"
A short ways off, the other girls, sans Bubbles, have set up a simple camp, including a little campfire they're gathered around while waiting for you to finish. Similarly, you easily find the missing Grasswolf; it is currently breeding none other than Bubbles herself, the blondest of blondes moaning and yowling as she submits to its bestial lust.
How pathetic and low-class, just perfectly suited to her usual lifestyle. Not at all anywhere close to how you act, naturally.
Really, to mate with animals. How disgusting.
Before you can rejoin the rest of the group, everything around you shivers, retracting and refracting. The last thing you feel is a doggy tongue lapping at your thigh, as though to tell you something, and you are back in the cave, everyone back to their assigned platforms.
"Having befriended/fucked/made acquaintance with the forest-dwelling creatures," the Collector cuts in like the no-good narrator he is being, "you find that one of them has decided to follow you, joining your group."
A new card floats up to land on your platform, titled 'Grassy Wolf', with two attack, one health and 'Quick'.
Hey, you ain't complaining. More meat shields have joined your summon tokens, if nothing else.
"You have also taken an additional gift/reminder/fucking slut from this last encounter." You can't see it, but you're pretty sure the Collector is pushing a face back down right now. "Cradling your belly, your group moves on, intent on rescuing the captives you are searching for."
And another card comes up, this one just saying 'Pregnancy', with the stylized picture of a swollen belly and a hand stroking it on it. It is also, literally, 'Unplayabe'.
There better be a use for this down the line, or else you're gonna riot. And still get a bunch, because how can you not collect this exact card if it's on offer?
The map rolls out again, one untaken path greyed out, the other one branching into two fresh possibilities. You get the feeling you know how this thing might work, now, though you'll keep an eye open.
"Everyone in favor of never talking about what happened there?" Kerrie asks.
"Agreed," Mitsuko immediately replies.
"…I'm jealous," Olivia pouts, looking at you.
"We all know you're a puppy, but you don't have to go that far," you object. "If you want it that much, I can introduce you to the real version of those puppies later."
"I don't care about them."
Clearing her throat, Kerrie intrudes upon your conversation. "Excuse me, but how did you know how to deal with those green wolves? Did you fight them before, or…?"
"It was very impressive to see," the pinkette of the group adds. "Until the fornication began, at any rate."
You tilt your head. "They live in my backyard. Pretty sure this forest thingy is a reproduction or representation of it."
"We are playing a roleplaying game in your garden?" Mitsuko asks. "That… seems quite fun, actually."
"Hey, how come I didn't get any cards?" Bubbles cuts in. "I totally fucked the dog too, didn't I?"
"Biology and chance/luck of the draw/sluttiness coefficient. You will have plenty of chances to come."
"…Just how big is this game and why'd you put so much effort into it," you grumble to yourself, newly acquainted with the pain of having an overeager DM forcing you to go along with their crap. More literally so than usual, in this case.
You mosey on along, making your way through a few more encounters during which you learn more about the rules of this whole shebang. In combat, you have to play out your cards, positioning them around the area and having them act in turns. Upon being defeated, creature cards are 'exhausted', meaning they're taken out of the game until the players rest at a campsite.
At those, you also can try to combine cards to enhance them, though that's mostly limited to giving equipment to creatures, having them take consumables to get a weaker, permanent versions of effects those consumables would have when played as cards, that kind of thing.
Each of you has your own hand, too, and you only get a limited amount of draws per turn. Kind of an issue with your Pregnancy card taking one of those draws up, but as you started with pretty much nothing to begin with, it's not a huge issue; for the moment, most of the actual game is controlling creatures to move around and attack, when it comes to fights.
For the record, Tabitha is amazing, as her Stealthy keyword lets her just walk right up to enemies and kill them without taking retaliation damage, assuming she has enough attack to do so in one strike. She almost never is in any real danger, only striking when doing so lets her stay safe and taking out quite a lot of enemies as you go along.
The enemies and events you encounter are surprisingly varied, too. Exploring your backyard, or the Forest of Mystery, as it was renamed here, you come across living trees with Sweep (attacking everything within reach at once), roaming ICE TYPES AND NOTHING BUT ICE TYPES and pit traps filled with aphrodisiacs.
The latter is introduced to you when Olivia manages to fall into one, getting drenched and horny in one go. Naturally, you volunteer to 'cure' this affliction afterwards, netting you a handy little Consume card called Bottled Aphrodisiac.
It can stun enemies for two turns once per combat, and due to its nature also offers more possibilities for interaction beyond that. Oh yeah, cards with Consume are used once per battle, after which they are removed from your deck until said combat ends. Means you can't just spam endless aphrodisiac to win everything forever, sadly.
You also find a couple of spell cards, but none of them are yours, so you don't care. They suck anyways. Ice type best type, ice type only type.
Current Deck (Jackie):
Ice Empress: 3/5, On summon place two 2/2 Golem tokens
Grassy Wolf: 2/1, Quick
Pregnancy: Unplayable
Bottled Aphrodisiac: Stun 2, Consumable
Coldspider: 1/1, Stealthy, Poison 2
Eventually, after a couple of encounters along the map (you aren't sure whether it's too many or too few), you come upon a new symbol, though it's obviously based on the skull one used for other combat encounters.
It's that one, just on fire. And with horns coming out of the skull. You will never confess to it, but you secretly think it looks kind of cool- probably something to blame on Elena's tastes.
You still remember the time she went through her edgy middle schooler phase and was really into clothes with skulls motifs on them. You even offered to let her keep a real skull inside her room once, once it was properly cleaned up and all.
Good times. Though she didn't go for it. Truth be told, you wouldn't have let her keep it for long, anyways, it never pays to leave any body parts lying around where they're not hidden or destroyed somehow.
As it turns out, that new symbol means a boss battle, or a mini-boss, anyways. Which in this case turns out to be a giant Ice Type, with unfortunate behavioral patterns such as skittering back and forth, shooting 'strings' of ice as attacks and generally making a nuisance of itself with its freezing venom.
As the predominant Ice Type in existence yourself, you handily dispatch it, of course, with only some minor assistance at the others' hands; you happen to sacrifice Olivia and Bubbles so Mitsuko can activate her Barrier spell card, buying your golem tokens the time they need to beat the enemy. All very normal, everyday occurrences.
Of course both of them end up naked, as the icy venom freezes their clothes solid while downing them, but Bubbles just proceeded to shake her ass at anyone and anything in sight, whereas Olivia blushed and tried to cover herself with her hands, though she stays calm throughout.
For some reason, defeating the thing allows the party to access its nest to gather some extra cards, one for everyone, that is. And for some, unfathomable, likely stupid, reason, you end up getting a creature card out of it, because one of the surviving members of the monster's brood latches onto you.
Coldspider: 1/1, Stealthy, Poison 2
You glare at the walking one-time poison dispensary device, which has climbed onto your shoulder. "Gununu…"
It stares back at you with its icy, see-through eyes.
"It shouldn't even be called poison," you inform it when it just stays there, basking in the cold of your body. "You're venomous, not poisonous. Poison would be if you were trying to get something to eat you, if you inject it it's a different thing!"
"Meow," Tabitha adds, obviously agreeing with you as she climbs up your other shoulder, balancing to fit herself onto your head.
"How come Jackie is the only one that's getting creature cards?" Olivia points out. "If they were more distributed, we'd have an easier time getting them out onto the field."
"You can have this one," you immediately offer, holding out the card- only for said card to literally cling to your fingers, refusing to let go even when you try to shake it off.
"Yeh, I don't think that's happening. Guess you're just our designated summoner?" Kerrie says.
Meanwhile, Bubbles and Mitsuko are silently trading their cards around, giving the barrier-oriented magical girl a big stick to hit things with while the slut gets more aphrodisiac that was picked up earlier. Good for them, you guess.
Just then, everything turns dark again, the map rolling up and the voice of the Collector echoing from the void. "Having traversed the Forest of Mystery, your motley/intrepid/foolhardy crew of explorers comes upon a rare landmark in this befuddling landscape- a large set of doors, hewn into bare stone jutting from the ground."
Oh no.
The picture draws itself before your eyes, like a doze invisible brushes were painting it. It actually looks pretty cool, but you're preoccupied with dread right now. "Large double doors, this looks to you like a portal/gateway/highway to hell to some otherworldly place, depictions of goddesses and strange creatures decorating both sides."
Oh nooo.
"Strangely, all female figures you see on them are heavy/pregnant/swollen with child, as though bred by the things beyond this point."
Oh nyoooh.
"You have found and are now entering… The Hives/Warrens/Teeming Caverns."
You raise a hand. "Can we turn around and forget about this?"
Sadly, it turns out you can't. Shit game, 6/10, wouldn't play again.
So apparently, the nest Skleri built underneath your backyard is also a game area, now. Annoyingly, no matter how much you protest, the only way out, right now, is through… Which you would be fine with, if not for the bugs.
"So…" Kerrie begins. "You said this place was a reproduction of your home?"
You don't want to answer. So you don't. "Muh."
"Is that still the case here? Does the forest you're living in have… anything like this?"
"Muh."
"It would be helpful to know what is coming ahead of time," Mitsuko 'helpfully' adds.
"You know you can tell us anything, right, Jackie?"
"…Nest…" You mutter.
"What wuzzat?" Bubbles asks.
"It's a monster nest…"
"That doesn't sound like something that would trouble you like this," the pinkette says, being way too calm about it as you all move down into the beginnings of a winding tunnel network. "The Jackie I know is courageous and ready to destroy monsters wherever they are found!"
"…It's full of bugs."
"Ah."
"Ah."
"Huh?" Olivia makes. "Sorry, wasn't paying attention. What's going on?"
"The place is full of bugs!" You repeat, unwillingly, both arms rising in the air. "We have an understanding, they don't expand towards the house, I don't have to see them."
"Aaah… I was wondering if someone was bullying you."
"I'm not bullied," you sniff. "I bully other people. That's how that works."
"Maybe we should-" Kerrie is interrupted when, in a hair-raising display, innumerable oversized insects begin to swarm further ahead, the claustrophobic tunnel you only now realize you're already in filled with their chittering. "Talk later?"
You're already crouching down, eyes shut tightly and hands covering your ears. Your enhanced perception is merciless, however; you still hear them anyways.
"Talk later, get rid of these things and fix Jackie!" Olivia nods.
"Fixing Jackie seems of great priority, indeed," Mitsuko adds.
That still leaves one girl unaccounted for, however, Looking around- Why is Bubbles sticking a hand into the mass of bugs now crawling over her arm? "Hey guys, look! These things are super funky!"
"…I think I might be sick," you groan. "Anyone mind if I take sick leave?"
In the end, this whole thing still is 'just' a game, and so the attacking bugs are brought low after all. Fast forward a few more dots on the map, one you're back to all of that, and you end up with a few more cards gathered here and there, from combat and random encounters.
Apparently, there's these weird mushroom growing down here, and the corresponding cards allow their users to attach status effects and keywords to other cards in combat. A few of the others got a couple, though they're starting to be more trouble than they're worth, in your opinion.
You're slowly getting to the point where more cards aren't necessarily more good. Consistency and stuff, it matters.
All of which doesn't really explain how or why you ended up with a 'Pheromones' card, which much like the mushrooms allows you to give another card a keyword. Taunt 1 in this case, which forces enemies in range that want to attack to attack the creature that has it for one turn.
You've mostly been using it to lure enemies with your easily expendable golem tokens, which has been a surprisingly effective strategy for the last two fights. Ever since you got it, you mean. That said, you've currently ended up at a campfire site, meaning it's time for a break!
Kind of surprising, but this whole game-shtick does take into account that you can't keep going nonstop, so these things double as places to rest for a while, chat and organize your decks, deal with any status effects that stuck around, revive defeated creature cards (including your own) and even eat and drink something.
These locations come with what you can only describe as appropriately themed snack bars. Right now you're drinking honey juice and munching on honeycomb waffles. Good stuff.
However, as you sit there at the campfire, patting Tabitha and ignoring the Ice Type, Bubbles comes to join you. "Hey Jackie, I had an idea."
"Bad idea."
"Why?" She pouts.
"You had it, duh. Now tell me what it is so we can do it anyways."
"That's the spirit," the blonde grins. "Soo, you had that Pheromones card, right?"
"Yup," you confirm, holding it up. Its card art is that of a line of insects, following its invisible trail across the forest floor.
"Cool. How much would you mind losing it if this works out?"
You immediately withdraw the card towards your chest. "Mine."
"Yeah, but see, I wanna try combining it with some of my aphrodisiacs," Bubbles explains, showing you her copy of the stunning consumable. "See if we get anything cool."
Hm…
It's pretty inconspicuous to look at, this whole card merging business. All you're doing is holding the two cards against each other, slowly watching them get absorbed into their opposite bit by bit.
Then, suddenly, they snap together fully, out of both your and Bubble's hands, a muted flash announcing that something is happening.
Snatching the resulting card out of the air, Bubbles reads it over. "Huh. That's neat."
"What is it?" You ask, impatiently tugging on her arm. She's too tall, so it's hard to see like this.
"Oh, here." Mhm, mhm… 'Breeding Musk', forces target to interrupt actions and copulate with nearest compatible creature for one turn, may create Pregnancy. That… might be nifty to have? "Actually… Yah!"
Thrusting the hand holding the card at you, Bubbles smooshes it against your cheek. You look up at her, unamused.
"Mhm… Activate?" Something glows right next to your face, somehow still surprising despite being so very predictable. Clenching the eye on that side shut, you push the card away.
Then you stop thinking in such abstract concepts such as 'cards' or 'away', your priorities quite suddenly replaced by much more important things than stuff like 'thinking'. Instead, your higher brain functions are taken over by the massive erection suddenly throbbing beneath your skirt, leading to predictable results.
Pushing Bubbles over, you hastily claw the strings serving as an excuse for her bottoms down her legs, releasing the scent of her pussy to let your cock harden from granite to pure fucking diamond. Giggling, Bubbles proceeds to push the cloth of your skirt up and bite her lip, her hands roaming across your length. "Now that's what I'm talking about."
"I believe you two should, what was the phrase, get a room," Mitsuko calls out.
You don't answer, for you do not have the capacity to care at the moment. You're busy lining your mighty mantool up with the hot, wet cunt right in front of it, ramming it home with a victorious squeak filled with valor and urge to breed this bitch nice and proper.
She's hot, tight and squirming most pleasingly once you spear her on your breeding rod, a sloppy smile on her face as you rut into her with great haste and enthusiasm. She also says something, but words are too much work right now.
Return to breed. Everything returns to breed. Breed her. Your loins are on fire, the truth of the matter something you must consider self-evident; bitches are for breeding, and this is one.
Your pace is almost desperate, sprawled next to the fire as you mate with the blonde. When you come, it is not with relief, it is with more desperate need, your balls already loading the next shot up with live ammunition.
You must breed. You must breed. You. Must. Breeeeeed.
You have no idea how long you stay at it, but eventually you come to a halt, sweaty and somehow very exhausted. Bubbles, still pinned below you, perks up, though, when a new card appears in her hand.
"Oh, hey, I got a Pregnancy! Neat."
"…Let's only use that one… at campsites… and when distracting… big enemies…" You, of course, immediately switch tracks when the effect wears off, considering the tactical and strategic implications.
"Are you two done?" Olivia asks, poking your butt with a stick. "We've been waiting for ten minutes now."
"Nnnhn… Five more minutes? Pretty sure Jackie can go for another round," Bubbles smiles guilelessly, the inner walls of her fuck-tunnel squeezing on your cock.
"Just need to… catch my breath…" You notify her instead. "And get… up…"
It is to your mild alarm and some sore vexation that, upon venturing forth from the latest campsite offered to you by the game, you find yourself staring at what appears to be a brood cave of some sort, a spacious cavern whose walls and ceiling are filled to the bring with large, horrible insect eggs.
And when you say large, you mean it, some of those things are huge enough you could fit inside them yourself. The very concept of which, upon arising from some part of your mind that shall henceforth be lobotomized for safety, has you twitch in abject horror and disgust.
You do not shiver nor scream, okay? That didn't happen at all. If anyone says otherwise, they are a lying liar who lies and shall be condemned to an hour's worth of foot tickling as punishment.
And no exceptions! Not even if they try to bribe you! Like, you'd totally accept the bribes, of course, but in this particular case it wouldn't get them anywhere!
Anyways, you have to fight a couple of big bugs called 'Brood Guardians' that, when not currently fighting any creature cards directly, summon weak tokens from the surrounding eggs, the sight of which was enough to make you force everyone else to fight valiantly in your stead, and once you inevitably win (your old strategy of summoning yourself, then using the golem tokens as expendable bait to force big enemies into exposing themselves to a barrage of attacks from everyone else as you all gang up on them works wonders as before, as long as you don't let these bugs hatch more reinforcements), things don't exactly get better.
That is, the looting that commences afterwards. In order to obtain new cards, you've learned so far, the players have to actually find them in their environment, receiving a chance to do so after just about every battle and some events you manage to trip over. However, everything in this particular cave is abhorrent, and so you don't move a single inch for fear of acccidentally getting another Ice Type to follow you.
The others do not share your reservations, however, and so Mitsuko soon comes back with a waist-height giant ant following her like a loyal dog. Just with mandibles and in horrible, pretty much.
Far more worrying, however, is the face Bubbles is making when she rejoins the group, having rooted around amidst the horrible, horrible hell-eggs everywhere for a while. She doesn't actually tell anyone what card she got, but she obviously did get something.
Any such doubts are immediately cleared up during the next battle you get into, of course, whereupon the blonde swiftly plays that new card on her first turn. "Swarming Brood!"
Looking at it, you briefly behold the sight of its card art; a pregnant belly and lower body are depicted on it, with large, round objects being pressed from the former.
You instantaneously have a very bad feeling.
And indeed, next thing you know Bubbles is lying down, moaning and screaming ecstatically as she spreads her legs, belly swelling up and undulating. In short, she gives birth.
To ice type eggs. After being inseminated by your sperm earlier. You aren't sure what the exact mechanics are, there, but you think you might be sick.
In short order, all told, several oversized clusters of eggs are 'born', and before anyone present can even comment (you choose to believe you aren't the only one completely speechless here), they hatch in a cascade of dread dismay, revealing dozens, hundreds, possibly thousands of insects of unusual size that quickly take off.
"Created two swarm tokens… heheeh…" Bubbles mutters, making a 'V' sign. Or just counting, in her temporarily brain-addled state. "It purges a Pregnancy card from my deck to use, so please continue helping me, Jackie~!"
It is Olivia who comes to your help, shoving her card across the board to position herself between you and her. "You know Jackie doesn't like bugs, Bubbles. You could've at least told her to look away before you did that."
You never once expected to whole-heartedly agree with and be thankful for Olivia, but here you are. And if you have to hide your face by pressing it against her back to dry your eyes a little, nobody better mention it henceforth.
The indignity persists, of course, as you proceed to make your way through the tunnels and caverns that make up this area, the size of the cave system dug by the Ice Types undoubtedly exaggerated for dramatic effect; no way is it actually this big, you refuse to believe it.
As Bubbles' heretical token spawn card requires her to permanently use up ('purge') a Pregnancy card every time she actually plays it, she repeatedly targets you with her Breeding Musk to generate more, making you drop everything and rut her every time.
Now, you don't have any issue with having lots of sex- if anything, that suits your constantly-on-overdrive libido just fine- but it can get kind of annoying, especially when you're currently busy focusing on playing the rest of the game. It's really distracting and costs you turns when she needs to top up in the middle of combat.
Then again, you also learn some more about how the 'rules' of this game work through this; as before, Bubbles uses the card on you even when you reach campsites, but as it turns out each player may only use one card on any other player (or players, you suppose, in case it can have multiple targets) at any campfire.
Hence why she can only do it once, and only receive a single Pregnancy card every time. You tried to cheese the system by just having sex with her normally afterwards, but, well, no dice, it doesn't work.
The GM is being too strict. You shall lodge a formal protest later.
In other news, despite your best efforts, you also pick up another card yourself, despite the… contaminated nature of anything and everything that can be found down here. It can't be helped- apparently, the game decides that being charged at by a particularly large giant beetle deserves a reward of some sort.
Why exactly it is titled 'Breeding Rush' is best left to imagination, not that it's hard to figure out. Then again, it lets you stay mobile while stunning an enemy, so… Progress?
Of course it also includes throwing yourself at whatever it is you're trying to stun, in the, again, obvious way, so you seal this particular card away for now. You're already experiencing enough terrible trauma here, no need to actively seek out more.
You're already shaken with revulsion just from having to see some of these things from up close. Best not get any closer than that.
In other news, you've finally reached the boss of this place, despite all of the bullshit you've had to put up with so far- Bubbles has been trying to find more cards that let her convert Pregnancies into creature tokens, like the Swarming Brood she already has, just without all too much luck so far. She finds one, but only one, and no other cards of the type.
Turns out there's a heavy dose of RNGesus involved in this stuff, and this time around the dice don't roll in her favor. Too bad probability as a concept still refuses to obey you like it should, as you have decided you hold authority over it…
Honestly, it's very rude of the game itself, too, for all that you verily disagree with what Bubbles is aiming for here. Like, you get it, she wants a coherent strategy to reliably be able to have birthing cards in her hand every turn, but still, why'd it have to be bugs!
Regardless, it shouldn't be this hard to get any given general theme, at least, going. Just an observation.
But yeah, boss time! Emerging into a large cave, larger than any of the waypoint ones you came across while traversing this 'area' of the Collector's map, you see, finally, an exit rom this horrible place, the cavern's mouth opening wide opposite to where you enter…
Only for a large, teeming mass of giant bees to be in the way. They're not all that large, individually, somewhere around the length of your arm each, but there are a lot of them, the yellow-black fiends reacting to your presence quickly. Buzzing around, they burst apart, the almost solid mass of bees scattering in all directions.
In their place, all that remains, for now, is a single figure. A woman, bare safe for her golden sandals and some sheer, loose cloth hanging by her arms, stands there, the telling sight of bee wings at her back very clear as to her identity.
If the smaller set of wings coming out of her head didn't clue you in already, anyways.
"Oh no," you say, voice even flatter than usual. "She's hot."
Finally, a use for that Breeding Rush.
Naturally, this is when the Collector has to chime in. "Having traveled/endeavoured/butchered your way through the Teeming Caverns, you are now faced by the greatest of its inhabitants- and the most dangerous. The Queen Bee bars your path, intent on defeating/capturing/using you. Defend yourselves!"
You don't have any time to formulate a plan, nor to communicate any such thing to the rest of the group. The battle begins immediately, the currently lone female opposing you rushing towards you at great speed- on the game board, her card advances in a straight line, but in person you can see her glide across the ground, the wings at her back the only thing that moves for a moment as she leans in to steer herself.
Naturally, your keen mind quickly snaps up your cards, your draw analyzed within less than a microsecond. Thinking quickly, your mind delves through the possible combos you can use with what's on your hand, hundreds of possibilities drifting through your brain as you close in on the optimal solution available.
That is, you ignore the bees now steadily entering the field of battle, their numbers kept in check only by the mercy of game design, and disregard all cards you see except one. Slamming Breeding Rush onto the board between your own card and the Queen Bee's, you return her approach with your own. "Let me solo her!"
"Jackie, no!" Olivia calls out.
"Jackie, yes!" Bubbles chimes in.
Kerrie, for her part, wastes no time to try and convince you to cooperate as you run towards the boss, instead immediately undercutting the others by establishing a deal with your cat. How smart of her. "Um, Tabitha? Can you control the golems in Jackie's stead?"
"Mreow."
"I shall take this side," Mitsuko's valiant voice rings, her prized barrier spell card entering use as soon as initiative orders allow it, the amassing giant bees stopped from actually coming into play. "I shall employ the cheese strategy!"
You have no idea what kinds of videos this girl watches in her free time, but hey, good on her if it means she immediately starts to exploit the game's format.
As for yourself, you gauge the distance between you and your target, the still silent boss monster's eyes following your movement blankly. Waiting for just the right moment, you jump, lunging towards her in accordance with the card effects currently working on both on you.
You impact silky soft, honey-scented skin, the Queen Bee tumbling to the ground in lieu of trying to counterplay you. Which suits you just fine- having activated Breeding Rush, you are already ready and raring to go, your cock tenting your skirt and poking out from below it, dewdrops of precum already gathering at its tip.
The Queen Bee looks at your erection. You look at the Queen Bee, now lying on the ground below you. Inside a brain limited to the simplest and most natural of processes, one and one is added to achieve two.
The moment of revelation is like a sun blazing to life inside your skull- or maybe that's just the sensation of the soft, tight, hot vice of velvet you push your cock into, spreading the hairless lips of the female monster's pussy wide open with the ease of ever-present lubrication. Still expressionless, the lips on her face follow suit and open a crack, an imperceptible sigh of pleasure escaping.
This only serves to excite your further. You hardly needed the additional encouragement, but you appreciate it nonetheless. Driving your entire length deep inside her, you're torn between gritting your teeth at just how good she feels and just keeping your mouth shut so you don't leave your tongue hanging out.
Until you feel a hand on the back of your head. Looking up, you have just enough time to see the Queen Bee's face, emotionless save for the slight blush, before she pulls you into her cleavage, patting your butt with her other hand.
In short order you proceed to rut into her with full force, your entire body grinding against hers with the effort it takes to fight the milking grasp of her inner walls, her flesh calling out to yours despite her lack of expression. At the same time, you're licking and suckling upon her nipples, switching between them on the regular to extract drops of tantalizingly sweet honey.
A literal honeytrap. It's amazing. Distantly, you remain aware of cards being played, but you merely keep on fucking away, playing Breeding Rush whenever it enters your purview again. Your clothes are lost somewhere along the line, taken off piece by piece, but all you really care to listen to right now is the clapping of flesh against flesh, the wet slapping of your balls drenched by her fluids, and the steady moans you are extracting from the boss monster.
You? You aren't moaning like a bitch in heat as you rail her. Not at all.
In what feels like an eternity of intently stuffing your breeding rod into her breeding hole, but is probably closer to a few minutes, you approach your climax, biting down on the Queen Bee's nipples as you release a flood of your Jackie-fluids into her depths, right against her baby chamber- stuffing it, making sure she gets knocked up as best you can.
Breathing heavily, you just hold yourself like that, balls drawn up against your body, cock twitching as it pumps spurt after spurt of your glorious DNA into her. Her soft, yet perfectly muscled thighs rub along your sides, then you're surprised when she gently strokes the side of her face.
Well, you did give her what she probably wanted, admittedly. The boss battle isn't over, though, so you probably-
"Jackie! I need more Pregnancies!" Bubbles interrupts you, coming to a halt next to where you're engaging in interspecies 'diplomacy' right now. "Help a girl out!"
Breeding Musk is played on you, and you are overcome with the urge to breed the blondest of blondes into the ground. At the same time, however, someone else plays a card on you as well-
Queen's Command, a card which forces the affected subordinate creature to do as it is bidden. And just like that, you're seriously torn between seeding the Queen Bee again, the command in question as clear as day when she tenses, her insides literally drawing you in, pulling on your cock with a milking motion, and breeding Bubbles-
Your genius-level intellect makes itself known once again when you simpy pull Bubbles in, throwing her onto the Queen Bee's stomach, belly to belly.
"Gonna solo everyone," you babble, grasping whatever hips you can get your hands on as you thrust straight into a fresh new seed depository, another thirsty, slutty pussy added to your activities, "everyone at once! All prostrate before the Jackie!"
"Don't mind if I do," Bubbles cheers you on, pushing back with every pistoning motion, your own hips blurring into the endless fuck machine they were always meant to be. In contrast, Queen Bee just begins molesting anyone and everyone in reach, giving you a spank right on the butt when you take too long to switch back to fucking her.
Your mind is replaced by the Breed. The Breed is all that matters. All holes will be bred.
It takes everything you have, in the end. Every last scrap of energy, every last bit of mental capacity, every last drop of cum is required to make it through this challenge as you thoroughly rail both the Queen Bee and Bubbles whenever she isn't off to the side giving birth to more stuff you don't bother paying any attention to.
But even so, in the end… It is you that is victorious, having pumped enough of your baby-batter into the former to make her belly bloat with the sheer amount of it. Still entirely wordless and almost entirely without expression, she doesn't exactly signal to you that she intends to end the encounter herself, at first, but…
What you'd just assumed to be the buzzing of sexual excitement in your ears lifts from the area, making you feel strangely dissonant for a moment, hard cock still buried inside someone's snatch- looking to confirm, you're currently inside of the Queen Bee herself, though she's currently slowly pulling herself away from you, your erection dragged out of her muff inch by inch.
You're tempted to shuffle after her and keep on fucking, except when you try you realize your arms and legs feel too heavy to be moved. Slightly confused, you search for whatever is slowing you down, but you can't find the culprit no matter what.
How strange.
Taking a shivering breath, you find yourself plopping down onto your butt, unbalanced by the fruitless search as you attempt to twist your head to look over your shoulder. Mind already slowly clearing, you realize that what you were hearing wasn't just inside your head, but rather coming from all around; to two sides of the impromptu battlefield are filled with currently retreating giant bees, their sheer numbers having produced a constant, low humming noise as they were trying to fight everyone else.
'Trying' being kind of the operative word here, considering Mitsuko just kinda blocked off one side of the field where they were trying to amass some numbers, whereas the other side is filled with a bunch of dead bees and some very exhausted magical girls. Also Tabitha, who is currently munching on something.
You refuse to elaborate. Your pet kitty is the cutest and that's that. What she eats on her own time is her business and you shall not so much as look too closely what she's chowing down on.
From the looks of it, she's just been hanging around and consistently killing the bees by hitting them from behind, judging by the claw marks left on some of the bodies. Good kitty.
"Is it over?" Kerrie asks, looking about as breathless and done with life as you are. "I didn't think just making Jackie mate with the boss would count…"
"I told you, it worked for the very first encounter, it'd work here, too," Olivia replies. "Everyone else okay?"
"I am fine," Mitsuko announces primly and properly, not so much as mildly ruffled. "It seemed strange my card had the 'Sweep' ability at first, but it makes plenty of sense now."
"Good to know," Kerrie nods. Then, after waiting for a few seconds, he looks around. "That still leaves Bubbles. Where are y- Dammit Bubbles!"
A brief scramble for the blonde's card ensues, which has almost wandered all across the game board by this point while nobody was paying attention. A quick smack is all it takes to get her to pay attention again, despite the lascivious, loose grin on her face.
"Mhm…? Oh hey guys. Dun't mind me, jus' waiting for my legs to stop shaking."
Good call, that. That's the reason you're still sitting down yourself… That and the Queen Bee, who is still in front of you, legs spread-
Oh hey, she's giving birth to an egg, you realize. The process doesn't take long, and so soon you are watching her cradle an insect egg the size of…
You quickly convert measurements inside your head. About half a Jackie, you think, going by the objectively best and most useful units you can think of.
Then, because of course nothing can ever be simple, you are promptly handed the egg you just impregnated over the course of at least half an hour of nonstop, hardcore sex, the Queen Bee just buzzing off into a random direction afterward.
"Well that's a thing… I guess…" You breathe, trying to reorient yourself a little. "Hey guys, I think there's a little mini-beehive-cave over there. Wanna go look for loot?"
You're not surprised when the egg you 'received' hatches just in time for everyone to assemble in what you can only describe as some sort of ancillary brood chamber, kept inside the small cave you pointed out rather than down in the nest you just spent way too long getting through. Your best guess is that this is what you get as 'loot' for this fight, the same way the others get to pick out their own, non-premium loot on this occasion.
And of course yours is some premium loot. After all, you put a lot of personal effort (and fluids) into this fight, so it only makes sense that you get an extra big reward.
Otherwise, you'll just shoot the DM, you don't care it probably wouldn't even feel it or some shit. It's a matter of principle at this point.
Most of the acquisitions the others make, upon random eggs bursting apart and showering their surroundings with bug-goop, go unremarked, though you have to say that it really is kind of weird to see Kerrie's Japanese sword come poking out of one of the things.
Not as weird, admittedly, as watching none other than Snaketail jump out of Olivia's loot egg, the purple-white snake wheezing and coughing as she catches it.
"Akh, agh, I thought I was gonna suffocate in there, chu!" It wheezes, still calming down after being free like this and shaking its head out. "Thank you for saving me, chu!"
"Meh. It's the useless one," you immediately move to dismiss it.
"Hey now, he's still ours. Better to have him than not, right?" Olivia defends the creature for some reason.
"I guess." Not that you care all that much. "That's one out of two."
"Oh right, I nearly forgot we were looking for the Puchuus," Bubbles says, her fist clapping against her palm in the 'I'm Thinking' pose Mitsuko taught her. "How you been, Pinkie?"
"Could be better, chu, could be worse. I'll sure feel better when I get all this goo off me, chuu. Chupid chuhead totally did it deliberately, too."
While all of that is going on, you've already put your deluxetm egg down on the ground, as the vibrations coming from it have been increasing in intensity. However, in contrast to the others, it doesn't simply blow itself to pieces, and instead its opening is announced by a single arm, hand clad in black latex, pushing out of it.
Within moments, a whole grown bee-girl emerges from the egg that's actually smaller than her, making for a weird clown car-esque sight. Shaking herself out, she wastes no time in getting her wide hips and large breasts get some fresh air, though she does come clad in at least some clothes, all held in the same black latex look that, combined with her yellow skin, completes the bee look, to be entirely fair.
That's not to say she's wearing much clothing. Coverage may vary.
"Finally! Hey daddy, I've been waiting to get to join the game."
You blink. "Elena?"
"Yup! Something's been blocking off my voice, so I just hijacked your new card." Holding said card out, she hands it to you- Bee Daughter is an appropriate name, if nothing else.
"Should've been a full player then," you grumble, regretting not extorting the Collector for another seat at the table after you pushed Tabitha's kitty pillow through.
"Eh," your daughter shrugs. "I don't really mind, TTRPGs like this were never really my thing. Also, hey girls, remember me? If not, I'm gonna call you super rude for a whole month!"
…Well, long as she's having fun, you suppose…
Current Deck (Jackie):
Ice Empress: 3/5, On summon place two 2/2 Golem tokens
Grassy Wolf: 2/1, Quick
Pregnancy: Unplayable
Bottled Aphrodisiac: Stun 2, Consumable
Coldspider: 1/1, Stealthy, Poison 2
Breeding Rush: Move towards target within double normal movement range and stun it for one turn
Bee Daughter: 3/3 creature, Breed 1 (if this card would gain a Pregnancy, spawn a 1/1 Bee token instead)
"Having found new friends/companions/fragments along with one of the missing people you set out to search, you make camp in preparation for the last stretch of your journey."
Hey, for some reason you're getting the feeling the Collector has been looking forward to this part. It's pretty hard to read into the tone of someone's voice when they have half a dozen voices speaking at once at minimum, but your instincts never lie about this stuff.
"After you came this far into the Forest of Mystery, you can feel it in the air, a sense of malevolence/evil/ITISWATCHINGYOU laying on the land you walk, permeating every breath you take, soaking into the trees. Finally, it seems, you have found the source of this power/weirdness twisting the creatures, and the reason for the many tales told about this place."
Yeah, definitely gearing up for something. Probably nothing good… What did Brian tell you about how this stuff works again?
"After a night of uneasy sleep/slumber/hallucination, interrupted by the sounds of Things That Should Not Be and your very dreams affected by this aura, you finally come upon the source of all that troubles you. Deep within the forest stands a wicked ruin/house, the atmosphere around it thick with miasma."
…Ah. You think you got it.
Okay, this will require a gentle hand, and a careful approach towards inserting your own narrative properly, in a way that doesn't just completely change the tone of the story unduly.
…Ah, who're you kidding. You clear your throat as obnoxiously loud as possible, with all the little extra sounds that come with that.
Once you've done so and your opponent is sufficiently confuddled for a brief time, your moment has come. "However, as we approach," you exclaim, making full use of Elena's naturally high, even voice, "a scent enters our collective noses, one that seemingly transforms the entire area. It smells of sugar and chocolate, like an entire Christmas bakery in the middle of the woods, yet with a twist of the wind frying eggs and bacon tickle our olfactory senses instead."
"…"
"…"
"…"
Everyone looks at you. Everyone. Good thing, too, just in case this is some persuasion-based crap.
"Before our eyes, what seemed a dilapidated ruin turns into a lovely home, one none of us know yet all feel welcome to. Curious, yet careful of a trap, we come closer to investigate what this place has in store."
"Yet as you do so, you behold an open kitchen window through which these scents/lures/delicious smells emanate, only to be suddenly drawn in in a more literal sense!" Uh-oh, the Collector is rolling with the punches now. Your punches, to be precise. Time for a verbal fisting or two! "Shrinking terribly, you find yourself standing atop the windowsill, left with no choice but to enter/go in/enter!"
Not that you'll make it that easy, of course. "Inside, we spy a great, enormous chocolate cake, with a shield saying 'Eat Me' constructed entirely of edible materials sticking to its side. With a reference this blatant, there could only be one thing it would do."
That'll teach the Collector to try and shrink you down!
When no further answer comes, you relax, taking stock of what you can see from the updated adventure map- it's got little drawings of cupcakes and cutlery at the sides, which you appreciate. Now, what do you remember of how your kitchen looks like again…
"Are you done? Because I gotta ask, what wuzzat?" Bubbles asks.
"Hm? Oh, I just dealt with attempted character assassination by way of narrative reverberation between how this place looks compared to the real thing. The actual point of this exercise, in other words." You shrug. "Now who wants to go on an adventure over my kitchen counter?"
It's a little bit of a climb, getting everyone through the open window and onto the counter, but thanks to Tabitha leading with a good example of how to hop around with the grace of an apex predator, you all soon manage, some with a little extra help, some without.
"Okay, this place looks kinda like the real deal, so just follow my lead," you say once that's taken care of, looking around a bit. "The way I see it, the map is telling us to either follow the kitchen counter or else find a way over to the table. I say we're taking the counter, because we have to stop by a secret compartment of the cupboards up over there."
"Is it okay to tell us this?" Mitsuko asks, sounding worried. "It is no longer secret like that."
"I'll have to find some other place to securely store the good stuff, I guess, but it's worth the possible advantage here," you reason aloud. Without mentioning the 'good stuff' refers to all the premium chocolate pilfered from the Overcity you had to find a dry, cool place to store so it would remain in perfect condition for your consumption.
Before you can get far, however, your group is stopped by a bunch of appropriately sized foes, emerging from hiding spots in your surroundings; from behind cartons of eggs and cereals, jumping from the cupboards, climbing up the side of the counter, they come.
Female figures made of animated peanut butter accost you now, each of them wearing a wide-brimmed, witch-y hat that keeps most of their faces hidden. In addition to the four of them, another four are made of liquid chocolate instead, with exaggerated, wide curves- and, in contrast to the peanut butter ones, entirely naked.
"Oh great, I knew it- even your kitchen is sexually charged," Kerrie complains, throwing her arms up in the air.
"Hey, I don't complain about your lifestyle choices either," you point out in turn, crossing your arms yourself. "Also, we should probably fight them."
Just then, one of the chocolate girls- looking at the game board, literally a Hot Chocolate Girl- reaches between her legs, fingers going inside herself, only to 'squirt' a mass of chocolate that she then throws.
Right at your face, completely covering it.
"Jackie!" Olivia's voice, that. "Are you okay?!"
Wiping your eyes, you open your mouth, except in doing so you involuntarily taste some of the sticky, bright brown liquid all over your face right now.
Can't be helped, then. "Chocolate," you groan, wiping as much of the stuff into your mouth as possible as you stagger towards the enemies foolish enough to be standing before you. "Chooocolaaate…"
"Oh no, I think they turned Jackie into a choco-zombie!"
"Is this a status effect?"
To back yourself up, you play the first creature card you draw, that being the 'Grassy Wolf' this time around. It comes into play, sniffs the air and immediately beelines towards the nearest Peanut Butter Witch.
"What's the dog doing?"
"What's it look like, duh," Bubbles purrs. "Inflicting white girl syndrome."
"Why does it have to lick her… there?" Kerrie asks. If you could take your eyes off the delicious chocolate in front of you, you'd probably see her blushing or something, too.
"Please, we've all seen much worse. This is softcore compared to what Jackie and Bubbles do for fun," Olivia throws in.
You, meanwhile, have arrived, and are already latching onto delicious, delicious chocolate in the form of a sexy woman. Onto her breasts, to be precise, probably just out of habit. What with feeding from Viridis and all that.
Before long, you're suckling and nibbling, receiving a small but steady stream of chocolate to delight your tastebuds with. At the same time, your skirt went missing somewhere, but all that means is that the second Hot Chocolate Girl currently holding onto you has an easier time sucking your dick, your hard cock in turn sucked down into an airtight vacuum of undulating, almost burning hot chocolate.
It feels surprisingly good, and consuming so much chocolate yourself just gets you hornier and hornier- it won't be long until you add some cream to this particular praline, your balls gently swaying as your hips do what little thrusting they can when held tight by an overly delicious cocksucker like this.
"Oh no, they got Jackie!"
"At least the peanut butter ones are distracted. Get them!"
You don't even pay attention to the fight. This combination of great shit going on is too great. You'll pay attention again when you finish eating one of these two.
"Chuuh, you should have expected this much. Chuhackie is nothing if not a cheeky fornicator, chuh."
"All is within the bounds of the plan/calculations/keikaku, as you ought to know well enough. The tendencies/habits/filthy perversions on display do nothing to detract from the course of the challenge."
"But the change of narrative sure does, don't it, puchuuh? Bet that really sucks, having your whole plan thrown out the window, chuh, I can sympathize with that, really."
"You are well aware you are not meant to have plans/plots/ambitions at the moment. Punitive action/punishment/you'regettingwrecked has been considered almost constantly ever since your descent, did you know?"
"Chuh, as if I care. I regularly do worse to myself than what the pencil puchuhers can do right now for the sake of experimentation. As does Jackie, puchuh."
"It almost sounds like you respect/admire/consider her a person, this 'cheeky fornicator' of yours."
"…Chuuh. No comment."
Long and hard didst thou fight. When the going was tough and your cock got stuck inside melty chocolate, when you were buried under giggling monstergirls smothering you with their giant breasts. When you ran out of air and when you reacquired some by forcefully thrusting your hips at anything in reach to jostle it up and let it low into the hollow of the titty-cave made of chocolate you found yourself in.
When you came and came and eventually realized they just turned your cum into more chocolate, even.
You kept it up anyways, drinking all the Hot Chocolate Girls you could get your hands on. And now, finally, the weight of the wounds you suffered in doing so is too great…
"Leave me…" You groan, holding the sizable bulge of your belly, your poor tummy having to work through all of that chocolate now. "Save yourselves… I can't… go on…"
"Meow," Tabitha makes, hopping onto your belly. Normally, you don't mind her doing that, and it turns out your lap and your stomach are both places she quite enjoys napping on, but right now the added weight just makes your eyes bulge out as you try not to throw up.
"Jackie, we told you to stop, but you refused our help," Olivia complains from where she sits next to you, now that the fight has run its course. "You shouldn't have eaten all of them."
"Screw you…" You tell her with another groan. "The chocolate's mine…"
"…Some kids never learn how to share, do they?" She then starts patting your back, which makes you feel a little bit better. "There, there, you'll feel just fine in no time."
On your other side, Elena takes a seat as well in her bee-girl body. "I'd offer to give her some honey, but I'm pretty sure she'd just get worse if I asked her to eat me out."
"I'll do it… watch me…"
"Yeah, let's just wait a bit. Oh, do you want some water, maybe?"
You just want to suffer in peace while you absorb the strength contained in the sweetness…!
The remainder of your journey across your kitchen (which, for the record, smells of all kinds of awesome food right now) looks more or less just like this; you make some headway in terms of progressing along, guerilla food monsters appear and are promptly eaten, mostly by yourself.
It's hardly your fault, they practically feed themselves to you! What can you do when delicious, scrumptious delicacies come at you but to start eating right away?!
Curiously, it seems you haven't been getting any new cards in this particular 'zone', as though there wasn't a whole world of culinary goodness and wordplay to exploit. That said, you do have your own plans to remedy that, or at least confirm a suspicion you've been having for a while now.
To do so, you'll just first have to make your way upwards, to the cupboards where you keep your secret stash of chocolate number one. Because yes, of course you have more than one; a singular vault of such valuables invites thievery and madness, so you had to make sure to divide your eggs among several baskets, as it were.
The tragedy of the disappeared chocolate fruits must not be allowed to repeat. Never again.
Anyways, your little travel group makes good time, when accounting for the couple of ambushes delaying your progress some, and so after what feels like half an hour or so, you stand in front of the hot plates, where you normally would put pans and pots and all such to actually cook.
Only, this seems rather more difficult at the moment, considering someone obviously failed to put their cooking implements away. They aren't even used, you jut have a bunch of pots and a handful of plates lying around, plus some cutlery.
You, however, have a plan! "Bubbles, you had that thread control spell, right?"
Something she picked up as a reward for the Queen Bee fight, if you remember correctly. Which you do, because you're a genius with very good memory.
"Think we can climb up there, then use it to build a ladder to the cupboard?"
"Hey, only one way to, like, find out, yeah? Let's get s' climbin' and see what we can do!"
"Chu," Snaketail says, interrupting your impromptu strategy meeting, "should we really spend so much time on side areas?"
"Nobody asked for your opinion," you inform it. "Also, we gotta do all the optional side areas if we want to pick up enough power to beat the boss. RPG 101, how do you not know that?"
"Like, seriously, how out of touch can you be?" Elena agrees, buzzing her wings to underline her question. "Now c'mon, worst case we'll just ferry everyone up one by one through flying."
You fall to your knees, unbelieving. What your eyes tell you cannot be correct. You refuse to let it be.
Upon successfully climbing all the way up here, the sight you are greeted with is not what you were expecting. At all. Instead of a cornucopia of delicious things, or some mini-dungeon entrance to find yourself some additional rewards, or even an eternally flowing chocolate fondue spring or anything.
Instead, all you see is a thriving little village-town full of featureless people wearing these weird mushroom hats crossed with plague doctor masks, going about their business through a series of pulleys that raise and lower these platforms cobbed together out of miscellaneous kitchen materials as a form of simple elevators, allowing them to traverse the clinically white cabinet that took the place of your secret treasure.
"Oh, hello there!" One of the faceless figures greets you, approaching your group. "You must be travelers from the Outside. We don't often get visitors, but please make yourselves at home- we don't have much, but what hospitality Medicine Village has to offer is all yours!"
You look at him (the voice is masculine, if nothing else). You look at the edifice of everything that is wrong with your world, the cancer that took the place of what really matters (to you).
Next thing you know, Elena, Olivia, Kerrie and Mitsuko are holding onto you, keeping you in place despite your best attempts to rush forwards and commit a series of elaborate war crimes. "Where's the chocolate, motherfucker?! I demand to see the manager of this plane of existence, I have a bullet with their name on it!"
Bubbles is just laughing her ass off behind you. Meanwhile, Mitsuko actually attempts to add a spot of constructive dialogue to the utter waste of time this whole thing is turning out to be. "Actually, chocolate used to be known as a medicinal compound, before it became a kind of sweets."
Unperturbed by your continued attempt to reach him in order to ram a gun up his ass (or more likely not pre-programmed with how to react to the situation), the 'villager' nod happily. "Indeed, you know your history well. After the civil war that expelled the Hot Chocolate Girls from the village, we turned to medicine and other medical treatments to set ourselves apart from their behavior, and to this day refine our own forms of medicinal concoctions. Would you like to take some for the way? They are sure to be of use out there."
You growl and hiss as your attempts to scratch this creature's head off continue to be stymied. This is the worst hidden optional side quest ever!
Card Obtained: Bitter Disappointment: Target creature gains 2 attack for the duration of combat
Card art features a strip medicinal pills in a dark-brown color. They taste exceedingly bitter, but temporarily enhance the user when ingested. Jackie hates their taste.
You leave the Place That Never Be Spoken About with a new card in hand, despite your protestations (everyone got some card, and all of them are actually pretty good… mechanically speaking, and mechanics aren't all in this game). Getting back down is made a lot easier thanks to the services of a local vehicle called a Sugar Glider, basically an oversized glider that can fit the whole group and transports you a good way towards your goal.
It only has limited reach, as it is attached to a whole mechanism that lets its owners, the people from the Village of Bitterhold (you wish you were joking, but that's its name), pull it back up to the cupboards through another pulley and a very long rope stuck to it.
Well, very long in this shrunken down perspective, anyways. It's not all that long measured against normal people size, which is the only reason simple physics doesn't simply have the rope snap. It's actually pretty interesting to see the possibilities opened for engineering when you're small and everything else is, consequently, larger by comparison.
But regardless, you're almost at the huge-ass chocolate cake you narrated into place yourself. now. All that stands between you and, presumably, finally getting this whole thing over with, is-
"Halt, foul fiends!" You know that voice. "None shall eat the cake! It is reserved for the ruler of these lands!"
Striding straight through the door and into the kitchen, some bizarro-version of Chuckie announces herself, her red hair turned blonde and scarred skin now white on black, like some pantomime costume grafted onto her. She also is, you absently note, in normal size, as opposed to your and the party's miniature.
"The only thing little intruders like you get to eat is healthy greens! That's the only way you'll grow up properly!"
Nega-Chuckie brandishes a giant (from your perspective) broccoli, from which several strands actually jump off to face off against you in short order, gathering into formation to keep you from approaching the cake.
You, naturally, are not deterred. Kind of the opposite, in fact. "Hah, joke's on you! I like broccoli!" You exclaim. "I'll eat it all and have cake for dessert!"
"We're raw!" "And extra leafy!"
You turn your head. "Kerrie, did you get any fire spells yet? I ain't eating these guys raw."
"No spells," the girl in question shakes her head, "but we passed by some frying pans earlier…"
You love it when a plan comes together.
It takes a lot of effort and teamwork, but by combining your ability to command other people to do stuff with everyone else's ability to shut up and do as you say, you manage to tilt some of the glassware containing oil into an already conveniently placed frying pan, despite the continuous harassment of vaguely humanoid broccoli and the false Chuckie's demonstrated urge to keep on cleaning up the kitchen.
The 'fight', if you can call it that, culminates in you using your golem tokens (and having to help Bubbles create more swarm tokens, for all that you strongly protest having to be party to increasing the total amount of that in existence) to lure the broccoli soldiers (they're armed with long, slender broccoli with spear-tipped heads and wide-grown ones whose heads serve as shields) into the pan.
Going by your plan, the next step is to keep them occupied while Tabitha and Mitsuko use one of the latter's barriers to safely descend down the side of the kitchen counter to secretly access the dials controlling the hot plates. However, that's when the unfairly giant Chuckie comes in again- having put all the other stuff into the dishwasher in the meantime, she apparently decided to use this opportunity, while she was at it.
Meaning that now, you also have to fight what seems like the actual boss battle of this area; the Butter Block, a large, tanky piece of butter that does nothing but slide around on a trail of its own heating self plus the Garlic Grenadier, a garlic bulb that fires its chives all over the battlefield, which is the frying pan.
The frying pan covered in oil and now steadily heating up.
Y'know, there's a surprising amount of tactical depth to this whole thing. Everyone's at risk of dying if this fight goes on for too long, so you have to be very careful about when you skedaddle, as if you haven't weakened the enemies enough by that point they could theoretically climb out and not be used as ingredients. Conversely, both of the bosses lose health every time they do anything, whether it be moving from attack to attack in case of BB or using up their own body as projectiles for GG.
So you have to either deal lots of damage or else tank a lot of damage while they weaken themselves in order to win. You, naturally, do the former over the latter, purely because you are just that good.
And because all the cheap tokens Bubbles keeps churning out can't tank inside the frying pan due to dying immediately. That kind of puts a damper on your usual tactics, as they involve using those to tank anything actually dangerous.
Still, the dying screams and cries of the Broccoli Soldiers provides a pleasant backdrop, and though it takes some fiddling with the positioning to avoid the garlic grenades lobbed everyone's way, you make it work pretty well. Mostly.
Kerrie might've almost been blown up once or twice, but that's totally not your fault just because your golems were cutting her movement off here and there. And, really, she pulled through in the end, so there's nothing to be mad about. Really.
The whole thing ends up with a wide spread of nicely prepared broccoli for you, fried with butter and garlic as they were. The stuff actually smells pretty delicious, and once the 'fight' (more like improvised cooking show in miniature-land) is over, even Mega-Chuckie stops attacking.
"Fine, you've got them fried. But before you get any dessert, you have to eat up. All of it!"
Puffing out your chest, you cross your arms, making a little 'hmpf' sound. "This is nothing. When I get hungry, I can eat five times this much!"
It's true, too. Elena always did prefer to eat particularly large portions, keeping up with yourself when you were a fully grown man. Something you chalked up to her having a particularly fast metabolism, so you always just fed her extra well; if there was one good thing about your old job, it was how much leeway your salary gave you in most respects.
Man, jobs like yours are just really hard to find these days. They just don't want to pay the same, all the while demanding more and more. It's no wonder the youth are all disaffected and shit.
Come to think of it, you had some job prospects lined up for when you moved, having twenty years of job experience and all really would've made it a lot easier to get your foot in the door. That's really all it takes when you also have a confident smile, a quick tongue and a feel for what the person you're talking to wants to hear.
That and maybe a bullet or two for anyone in the way between yourself and providing for your daughter. But really, if you aren't willing to kill for it, it wouldn't be a good job, and if you aren't willing to die for it you shouldn't cross Jack Winters.
Not that any of that matters, considering your abrupt career change from an IT 'expert' pretending to know what you're doing convincingly enough into a magical girl slash streaming idol of some sort. But that's just how life goes sometimes, you suppose.
But back to the present- taking a deep breath, Olivia raises a hand. "Uhm… That does smell kind of tasty. Is this really broccoli?"
You tilt your head. "Well, duh. We all saw them being fried. Any decently prepared broccoli will smell like this."
It wasn't easy to get Elena to enjoy eating the stuff, but she needed proper vitamins in her food and you didn't want to force her to eat stuff she didn't want, so you took around a week to try out a couple of recipes until you found one she liked. Which is pretty much the one you're looking at right now, fried in oil, a bit of butter and whatever additional seasoning it takes.
That usually involved a bit more than 'just' garlic, but garlic usually found its way into the pan. Being a single dad can be pretty stressful, but totally worth it if you also have a fat paycheck to take some of the pressure off.
"…Can I try some, too?"
You eye Olivia up and down. "I dunno, isn't that cannibalism? You know, with you also being green."
Something rustles in your surroundings. You deliberately don't look at it too close.
"It's not! I'm not a broccoli head, this isn't some… anime where everyone has weird, enormous hair sticking out in all directions."
"But if it were, you would certainly fit into it," Mitsuko asserts, stroking her chin as she joins you in observing Broccoli Head. "It seems to me it may well be cannibalism."
"Right?" You say. "She's totally a broccoli cannibal."
More and more rustling every time someone says 'cannibal'. Your eyes narrow.
"In fact, she's such a cannibal I'd bet this cannibal would cannibalize them all raw!"
Your words serving as a signal, a bunch of diminutive versions of the Broccoli Soldiers emerge from behind whatever cover they found in the area, running in circles in a blind panic. "AHH, CANNIBAL!" "Don't eat me raw! Look at how leafy I am!" "Help, heeeelp!"
"Kerrie, Bubbles, Tabitha, catch 'em! We leave no survivors!" You order before you turn back to Olivia. "So anyways, let's eat already. I'm hungry."
"Didn't you swear you'd 'never eat again' after all that chocolate earlier?"
"That's that and this is this," you wave her off.
"Mhm," Mitsuko nods. "Sweets go into a different stomach, so it's a-okay!"
See, she gets you.
Current Decklist (Jackie)
Ice Empress: 3/5, On summon place two 2/2 Golem tokens
Grassy Wolf: 2/1, Quick
Pregnancy: Unplayable
Bottled Aphrodisiac: Stun 2, Consumable
Coldspider: 1/1, Stealthy, Poison 2
Breeding Rush: Move towards target within double normal movement range and stun it for one turn
Bee Daughter: 3/3 creature, Breed 1 (if this card would gain a Pregnancy, spawn a 1/1 Bee token instead)
Bitter Disappointment: Grants 2 attack for rest of battle, may be stacked
Eat Me! Cake: Removes all status effects from up to five targets, Consume
It was a long, hard fight, to chow through all of that broccoli, but your now dead enemies, fried alive as they were, came out pretty well, so while you do end up covered in a tad bit of grease along the way, it's hard to say the experience is a bad one.
In fact, your belly is nice and satisfied now, if anything. Considering you basically inherited Elena's appetite, that's a rare and simultaneously wonderful achievement. You don't get the munchies, the munchies get you.
There's a reason you always carry some extra chocolate around. You actually thought your daughter might have congenital diabetes or something, way back when, but no, now that you're in her shoes you can confirm she just gets hungry easily and never puts on any weight no matter how much she eats.
Or how much you eat, rather. Anyways, you don't put on fat, and anyone claiming otherwise is a lying liar who gets impaled on a stake of ice.
Muh.
Finally, after far too much effort in eating the sheer amount of vegetables you hate to while you're as small as you are, you finish up, no thanks to how little of the Broccoli Jackie Speziale (misspelling it makes it look more reputable, as though it was an actual thing) the others end up eating along with your own efforts.
Honestly, only eating your own body weight in humanoid, sapient broccoli? It's almost like they aren't even trying.
"A-are you human?" How rude of Olivia to ask. Of course you aren't- you're to a human what a human is to an ant.
"I bet you could win any eating contest you entered. Unless there was a main character to get in the way, instead of comic relief sidekicks." Oh ye of little faith. Also, you get the feeling Mitsuko is kind of out of touch with usual everyday life; might just be because she's been too immersed in the realities of being a magical girl, you think.
"Honestly, it's just Jackie being Jackie." Kerrie sounds more resigned than anything else. You choose to believe that this is just the natural state of mind of anyone aware of your presence, as none can stop you from 'being Jackie' anyways. "Don't even bother questioning it."
"Chu, but just look at her! She is eating more food than she weighs, chuu, where is she putting all of it?!" Ah, Snaketail. Forever uninformed about everything, as it should be. Also, you choose to believe your magical regeneration has combined with your body's naturally fast metabolism lets you pack away more than you physically should be able to, by virtue of simply digesting food just as fast as you can eat it.
"Hmhmh, mpf?"
"Bubbles, nobody can hear you when you speak with your mouth full."
"Mgh, my bad, force of, like, habit."
You won't even comment on Bubbles' habits regarding swallowing and when to do so.
"Alright, we did it!" You shout at Mega-Chuckie, figuring you should just get this over with already. "Now give us some cake!"
"Mumumu… Fine, you get a slice. A small one."
"One each!" You immediately point out. "And if they're too small, we get double!"
You've never been one to settle for a glass half full.
Some things in life are simply unfair. Even for you. Shedding a manly tear, you fork up another bite of your hard-won chocolate cake, slowly bringing it up to your face.
At first, it had all seemed so great. The cake, it was so big, bigger than yourself standing up, its height spanning approximately two Jackies, roundabout… Until you took your first bite from its soft, spongy chocolate self.
The moment you did, it became infinitely smaller than before, as you returned to your normal height, Mega-Chuckie nowhere to be seen the moment she finished cutting your slices out of the cake. Now, all you have left are the memories of the magical wonderland of giant chocolate cakery.
"Are you still sad because it's smaller now?" Kerrie asks. "C'mon, it's not that bad, is it?"
"Yeah, a little cake is better than no cake at all, right?" Olivia joins in on the attempt to cheer you up.
"…" You chew your second slice of cake, having thrown a tantrum about how much less of it there is compared to the size of your mouth already. "I'm taking the cake."
"Uhm… We already did, Jackie. Everyone got a slice."
"Not what I mean. I'm taking the rest of the cake. It's mine now."
And that's final.
Packing the cake away securely is… a bit fiddly, but before long you actually manage to do so in the form of a new card, allowing you to make off with the whole thing (sans the slices everyone claimed for themselves when you de-shrunk yourselves, anyways). Now equipped with proof of this place's perfidiously, horrific nature (because if promising big cake and delivering smol cake isn't pure horror, you don't know what is), you stride onward, ready to face whatever may come on your way out of this-
"Muuuuh!" You shout in surprise, your voice echoing as the ground gives way beneath you the moment you step out of the kitchen.
"Wah!" "Uoh!" Oh nooo!" "Mreow!" The rest of your party joins you in your sudden descent, not so much falling into the same pitfall trap as the entire floor turns out to have been one all along, from what you can see, everyone tumbling down beneath the ground floor of this estranged version of your home.
A corner of your mind swears up an absolute shitstorm at this realization, knowing what's occupying this space in the real world- the fuckface of a M you have to deal with knows! That's the exact opposite of what you and Brian wanted to happen!
The rest of your cognitive capacity, though, is taken up by some panic as you wish you could just use your magic like normal right now. You aren't afraid of heights nor deep falls when you can always just conjure some floating ice to stand on, but as that's not the case in this place without the right cards…
Let's just say you aren't very happy with the Collector right now. At all.
Speaking of which, a few moments after you begin falling is when its voices speak up again, apparently choosing this situation to be the perfect transition between areas once again. To be honest, you'd kind of prefer if it just fucked off at this point.
"Having successfully escaped Hell's Kitchen/The Kitchen of Madness/your own damn fault, you are swiftly caught in a trap that reacts to your now increased weight, compared to when you entered." Hey! You aren't fat! "Holding close what cards you have gathered, you inevitably find yourself descending into the Halls of Madness/Torturous Dungeon/Laboratory of Doom!"
Crap, he knows way to much about what goes down inside your basement. Quick, you need some way to turn this one around!
"And descend we do," you cry out with poise and dignity, not at all flustered nor wildly flailing in an attempt to control your fall, "into the depths of the minds of this place's rightful owner!"
"Already you feel an air of malice/impending doom/great danger, as the hostile environment awaiting you belies the monstrous mind it emanates from!" Well shit, the Collector ain't taking it easy on you this time around. "Pulsing with unfeeling hostility, you can feel something observing/assessing/analyzing you, as though preparing to break-"
Wait, what?! Did the Collector think you meant Brian? Yeah no, fuck that, you own this joint and anyone saying otherwise has yet to be introduced to you, because again, fuck that.
You're letting him stay in your basement, but it's still yours. And it seems the time to assert your home ownership has come, just like every redneck from New Generica to the east coast dreams about. Just with less guns involved, much to your personal annoyance.
No, no, you're not mad. Just disappointed you don't get to shoot someone in the face.
"-to break out all the chocolate streams and fluffy guards available to keep us from our goal!" You interrupt the obviously inaccurate retelling of current events, crossing your arms. "Making use of her strengths, as she was the greatest being in existence, of course."
The Collector is silent for a long moment as you continue to fall. You're pretty sure the only reason you're falling for such a long time is that this moment is stretched out to begin with, purely to give you and the Collector however long you need to hash this whole thing out.
"Very well, but even as you fall and hope for the best, you cannot help but think about what little you know of the original inhabitants/dwellers/war criminals of the forest ruins, ancient texts telling of unbridled experimentation/unethical science/mass cloning."
Shit, did the J.A.C.K. betray you? You know they would if they were offered enough chocolate, ice cream or other assorted sweets, not to mention if they got to keep a cat or something. That's one of those things you'd have been really into in your childhood.
You don't get another word in edgewise, sadly, as before you know it you finally land- in a shallow pool of something that looks and feels like water, but also absorbs the impact perfectly.
"Oufh!" That's not to say the sudden deceleration doesn't knock the air out of you, granted, but nobody is hurt, at least.
"Muh!"
"What is it, Jackie?" Olivia asks, being weirdly attentive towards you as she's been ever since the whole drama with her sister.
"Not me," you say, patting down your clothes as you get back on your feet.
"Muh!"
"Uhm… Guys? I don't want to alarm you, but something is very wrong," Kerrie points out.
"Something's been wrong ever since I had to wake up and do stuff before ten in the morning," you grumble.
"Muh!"
The sound of a gun's safety being switched off has everyone actually look at the additional person now among you. Looking at her, everyone seems to do a double take, aside from yourself seeing how you were fully expecting this.
"Muh!"
"…There is an imposter among us, guys."
"Do you really have to meme right now, Jackie?" Kerrie asks. "Really?"
Yes. Yes, you do.
Much as you'd like to pretend this whole situation wasn't happening, or at least milk this joke for all it's worth by pretending to press some big red button and pull the member J.A.C.K. here into an impromptu emergency crew meeting, you suppose Kerrie has the right of it; there's an issue here, and it needs taking care of.
Even though blithe escapism has been working well enough for you so far. You suppose sometimes you do have to fix something before it breaks, huh?
"Alright, let me take care of this," you say, stepping up to one of the many, many clones of you Brian made until he gave up on reproducing your full capacities this way. It's a little bit flattering, in a very Brian kind of way- of course he'd try to clone you, find some way to harness your immense power without all the sass.
Too bad for him cloning the main character never works out the way the bad guys want to.
The J.A.C.K. in question tilts her head along with her gun. "Muh?"
"Muh."
"Mu-muh."
"Muuh."
"W-what are we watching right now?" Kerrie asks, because of course the peanut gallery has to chime in as you get to work.
"Muh."
"I am sure they are communicating on a higher frequency," Mitsuko speculates blindly, but confidently. Not that she's wrong, exactly.
"Muh?"
"It's kind of cute." Olivia continues to be creepy. Creepilivia.
"Mumumuh."
"You wanna bet they're gonna fuck?" Never change, Bubbles. Never change.
"Muh… Fine, but only half," you declare, fortifying your bargaining position. "I will share, but I fought long and hard for that cake. And didn't even get the relatively giant version of it, because the GM is a poo-poo-head."
The technical term being 'chocolate-cucking fuckboi', of course, but you're trying to avoid too many invectives right now just in case that plays into this whole thing- you're very close to the narrative right now, the metaphorical and the literal are harder to tell apart than normal.
You just don't want to risk screwing up your protagonist status, pretty much, you worked hard for it and you'll be damned if some mild swearing ends up costing you more than you bargained for.
The J.A.C.K., upon receiving the full explanation of what happened (the loss of chocolate, in other words), lays a hand onto your shoulder, giving you a determined look. As much as a goopy-faced version of yourself can, anyways. "Muh."
"Muh," you nod back. Turning around, you clear your throat. "Good news, everyone, we have a new friend. This is…"
"Muh!" She waves.
"'A fragment of my subconscious that took control of one of my clones.'" You do a double take once you're done translating. "Ugh, couldn't you at least stick to one story?"
"Muh!" Fair enough. If it's worth doing, it's worth doing really hard, and that means just overloading everyone with truth mixed in with lies until they don't know what to believe anymore. You see the logic.
"You have clones?" Kerrie seems to be unduly alarmed. It's not like you or your clones ever set the city on fire by heating up a giant undead fleshball, now did you?
"Brian made a bunch until they rebelled and took over a part of the basement," you shrug. May as well be honest here- the truth is humorous enough you figure the comic relief ensures everything you admit here should be safe. "I had to go pacify them, so they just live there now."
"Mu, muh!"
"She says she's gonna lead us to Brian. Progress!" You smile.
"Can… Can you understand her?" Olivia asks, hesitantly.
"Of course," you say, tilting your head. "Why wouldn't I?"
As it turns out, when your clone mentioned she'd show you where to go, it appears she meant she'd choose random doors for you to go through while showcasing the game-version of your basement; that is pretty much visibly what happens when the time comes to actually leave and explore the underground lab.
Of course you don't comment on it, as she is you and you have faith in yourself. Even when, after going through one of no less than five doors, you greeted by a massive statue of yourself, literally looking down at everyone present, the J.A.C.K. turns around, happily gesturing towards it. "Muh!"
"…Is she giving us a tour?"
You have to admit, Mitsuko's question is spot on, from the clone's posture to her smug expression; as though to say 'how about that' without words.
Which is patently ridiculous. She could just say it, nothing's stopping her.
"Gonna give that a big 'maybe'," you say. "Guess we'll just have to wait and see."
And wait and see you do. Past the giant Jackie number one in the 'entrance' chamber, you emerge into a series of hallways and corridors reminiscent of your real basement, all minimalist concrete and steel and panels on the walls, floors, ceilings; complete with the traps and guards Brian put all over the place, just with a twist.
Simply put, the rooms showcase something, and the following hallway contains an encounter to reflect that something. You do not take long to figure out a pattern for what kinds of things you see, either- the first one is another bunch of Jackies, your literal clones accompanying the grandstanding you deserve, but the following ones make things a little bit clearer.
You resolve the J.A.C.K. encounter through generous use of your cake card, by the way. You don't even have to fight.
It seems that, once again, the verbal dick measuring contest you had with the Collector turned out to be rather literal, as the rooms you pass through represent parts of your mind and your subconscious. This, of course, is both good and bad; good in that it's your subconscious, and you are in total control of it, bad in that there's a lot of crap in the back of your head you very much do not want any of the others to see or know about.
It would just be awkward at this point if they found out you've been the original Elena's father stuck inside her body like a fursuit all along. Also, while Elena might be barely present inside your head right now due to whatever is going on with this whole game-dimension, she still manages to kick you in the grey matter for comparing her body to a furry fetish thing.
Good to know she's doing just fine, even largely sealed inside her Bee Daughter card for the moment.
As such, you realize that you must ensure they never, ever find out. To this end, you decide to simply explain things as you come across them, actively taking charge of what the others think in the way only a real leader can.
As is only appropriate, given your position as the magical girl chief of your city. Arch Magical Girl? First Among Equals? No, no, scratch that last one- you're not equals with them, you're just plainly superior for a whole host of reasons.
"Oh hey, that's Mister Stabblesworth," you exclaim as you behold the glass case holding the game-version of Elena's knife. "Daddy gave it to me for my birthday once."
"Your dad gave you a combat knife for your birthday?" Kerrie asks, as if that was somehow strange. Which it is, but you don't let that stop you.
"That and cake! And a little gaming money," you nod happily. "I used this one for my first kill, too. Rapey gym teachers get what they deserve in Jackieland."
He was a real fatass too, had to have weighed, like, thrice as much as a normal guy.
The others draw back from you for a moment, but then you did just confess you (or rather Elena, same difference) murdered someone. "Oh excuse me, is it my fault now if some people are just too dumb to live? Daddy would've kept him alive for a week straight and made him beg for death if he'd actually managed to touch me inappropriately. I had the other girls thanking me for getting rid of him, too."
"Muh," your clone agrees, off to the side. You cross your arms at the others, but-
You are not prepared for the green-headed missile with a payload of lukewarm air impacting you, knocking the wind out of your lungs. "You're such a brave girl," Olivia bawls, completely perplexing you.
"There is a rule among lolicons," Mitsuko adds, also crossing her arms. "Yes Lolita, No Touch. If he broke it, he had to be prepared for the consequences."
…You're pretty sure, or rather Elena is, that Mitsuko takes a lot of her common sense from entirely fictional works. Thing is, while you could correct her and she'd probably take to your advice, it's kind of funny, so…
"Yeah, killing someone may be generally bad, but that's… pretty justified?" Kerrie tries. "I'm sorry you had to go through that."
"Eh, not like I'm traumatized over it or anything," you shrug, patting Olivia's head in an attempt to calm her down. "I still have Mister Stabblesworth, too. It's a good knife, was around in both world wars."
Of course, the next hallway you have to face involves oversized combat knives thrusting out of the walls and ground, with some of them morphing into little enemies, literally walking knives with a blade for a head and more, smaller knives as limbs.
They're kinda cute. Also unintelligible, and constantly rushing at anything or anyone that looks even vaguely stabbable- except yourself and Elena, whom they avoid.
You have no idea how or why. It doesn't even seem to be a game mechanic.
Still, at the end of the day this is all just a game, and that means you get to win and move on. The card you get, though, makes you pause for a moment; 'Resentment of a Dying Man' isn't just kind of a mouthful, its card art also features a sort of collage of people that held Mister Stabblesworth as they died- or died to the knife in question.
You recognize the teacher whose body you helped Elena dispose of among this fractal image of death, as well as a handful of entirely nonhuman creatures, though you have no idea who or what they might've been.
The glimpses of several backgrounds and a few details indicate a good few of this weapon's victims would have died during one world war or another; the military uniforms and that one trench you can make out are pretty clear about that, but far from all of them died in combat, it seems. Does Mister Stabblesworth remember?
If so, that's pretty cool and you approve. The attitude would be appropriate for a weapon you gave Elena.
Anyways, it's mostly just funny to you how nobody else gets any cards from this encounter, which you also approve of- this one's obviously too useful to leave to anyone else. You need to ensure it's actually used strategically, by which you mean you plan to just spam it onto the token creatures Bubbles spews every other turn at the latest. They die a lot anyways, so you already got some card synergy there.
Current Decklist (Jackie)
Ice Empress: 3/5, On summon place two 2/2 Golem tokens
Grassy Wolf: 2/1, Quick
Pregnancy: Unplayable
Bottled Aphrodisiac: Stun 2, Consumable
Coldspider: 1/1, Stealthy, Poison 2
Breeding Rush: Move towards target within double normal movement range and stun it for one turn
Bee Daughter: 3/3 creature, Breed 1 (if this card would gain a Pregnancy, spawn a 1/1 Bee token instead)
Bitter Disappointment: Grants 2 attack for rest of battle, may be stacked
Eat Me! Cake: Removes all status effects from up to five targets, Consume
Resentment of a Dying Man: Inflict Doom 1 onto a friendly creature. If this creature is destroyed, the creature or player responsible receives Doom 1. Can be stacked.
"What… is this?" Olivia asks.
"Meow," Tabitha says, obviously explaining.
"Mhm," you nod, agreeing to said explanation. Even if you have no idea what she might have tried to say. "It's obvious. Just look at it."
"It's a house in the shape of a cat," Kerrie, who shall now also be known as Captain Obvious, states. "Kind of reminds me of the Sphinx, actually."
You look upon the large building standing before you right as you went through the door, this 'room' bearing a remarkable lack of ceiling- or walls, for that matter- and instead looking to be inside a forest of some kind. And, as stated by the Captain, the obvious way forwards seems to be in the form of a cat-shaped building, richly decorated with climbing vines that give the impression of half-brushed fur.
The cat-building is rolled up around something, one paw (made out of large, rounded stone tiles that make you itch to squish them just to see if they might be soft) placed onto the top of the entrance door. That is where your guidance-clone beelines towards, knocking loudly. "MUH!"
The door opens after a second's delay, revealing what must be one of the best sights you could have hoped for. "Meow?"
A version of Elena in a maid-miniskirt, with hair drills and cat ears! Jeez, you immediately wanna squish her cheeks.
"Muh."
"Meow."
"M. U. H."
"Nyeh!"
"Uhm… What are they saying?" Mitsuko asks, making you remember some people apparently need a guided translation for some of this dialogue.
"The guide-Jackie is telling her to let us through, but the cat-Jackie insists we have to drink tea first. Also, this place is apparently known as the Cat Palace," you explain.
"Blew, tea," Bubbles makes.
"Not to be rude, chu," oh that's right, Snaketail is with you too, isn't he? You completely forgot, he's contributing so little. "But shouldn't we hurry?"
"Yeah, I don't think it'll be worth the hassle to force our way through," you note as a proper catfight breaks out between the two other versions of Jackie, complete with hair-pulling, eye-scratching and rolling around on the ground. "Let's just take a me-mandated break, I guess. Muh, do you got cookies to go with the tea?"
As it turns out, the Cat Palace does. It's also filled with a bunch of cats and more catgirl-versions of yourself, all of which you proceed to fluff on your way through.
It's very nice. You like the Cat Palace.
The tea, for the record, is good. It's very good. You think there might be a hint of catnip in there, but that only serves to bring out its full aroma. Kind of surprising, honestly; given this is meant to be your subconscious, you hadn't expected to find any decent tea in here, as you never were all that into drinking heated-up leaf brew as a beverage.
You have nothing against it, and it's still better than coffee, for all that you regularly had to drink the stuff when you were a working adult. It was the only way to keep yourself awake when some of the screaming started in the board room, on those occasions you had to sit in as the local IT 'expert'.
It's still ridiculous they even hired you, even after all this time, but you suppose that's just what happens when you're applying for any halfway decent job opening you can find that pays enough to finance being a single dad straight out of university, then come in with utter confidence to any that called you back.
It probably also helped they were pretty desperate for someone that lasted through the horrible commute, you suppose, and the job market being actually somewhat open at the time didn't hurt, either. Man, it feels like the turn of the century was yesterday, but the economy sure went to shit in a heartbeat.
Probably Reaganomics. If something's wrong with the economy, it's usually because of that.
Anyways, you should probably keep your head in the game, right now. Who knows what damage idle thoughts may do, now that you're being psychoanalyzed by an entire realm of magical bullshit?
The tea is good, the kitties are cuddly and Tabitha gets her own catnip kibbles to nibble on. Really, what more could you want?
"Jackie…" The pressed voice of Olivia comes from your right. "I gotta go to the little girls'…"
You tilt your head. "So go take a piss. What's stopping you?"
"The cats," Kerrie pushes out of grit teeth. "We can't get up with the cats on our laps…"
You snort, having noticed the force pressing down on you the moment the kitties came to cuddle. It's not like it's any really big issue. "If you need to get up, that's easy. Just gotta make them get up by themselves."
You can't forcefully pick them up or push them off, these adorable little fluffballs, but they can move just fine. Demonstrating, you scratch a particular one between the ears, gently, its eyes closing in happiness, only for your hand to start moving away.
The cat stretches its head after it, and when it's too far away-
It jumps off.
"If it was Tabitha, I'd just tell her I want to get up, though," you note, leaning down to pat the cat's head. "See? Easy."
Suffice it to say, the others need some coaching on how to handle cats properly, but you get them freed sooner or later just fine. Olivia doesn't even soil herself before she manages to follow your instructions.
…Dang, you totally could've made fun of her for that for weeks. Ask if she's sure she's not water-aligned instead of air and stuff. Ah well, there's always next time.
One the way out, herding cats this way and that through the use of more catnip (provided in these handy little packages scattered through the Kitty Palace), you come across a particular door, one that leads away from the path you've been following so far, assuming it would lead you to where you need to go.
Now, doors aren't anything unusual in this place, but this one is set ajar, and from beyond it you can hear heavy, bass-y music pounding away, dark red light shining through the crack that promises wonders beyond imagination.
"Muh." Darting towards this door without a second thought, you find that beyond it is… Well, it looks a lot like a nightclub, except it's filled with differently dressed versions of yourself, some of them drinking, some dancing on a stage, sensually stripping like million dollar hookers.
Eyes wide, you wander inside.
"Jackie's gone missing!"
"When? Where could she have gone?"
"Dammit, if only I had my magic…"
"Relax, girls. Look, there's a club over there, so I bet if I suck some dick, we can find some help…"
YOU GOT THE KITTY BOOZE! You can't believe they even had any of the stuff, not to mention that you managed to steal it, but you got it! It turned into a card, sure, but that just means you get to invoke it repeatedly.
"Jackie! Underage drinking is not okay!" Of course the tribunal of Kerrie, Olivia and Mitsuko think otherwise, but they don't know what they're talking about. "It kill your brain cells!"
"I regenerate, so it doesn't matter," you sullenly pout, holding your newfound treasure close to your heart- right next to your other treasure, the cake card. "Also, this is special booze. It doesn't hurt cats."
"You can't give Tabitha alcohol either!"
"Of course not. It's all mine."
"…You are not a cat, Jackie."
You cross your arms. "That cat goddess I met in Egypt said otherwise."
They just don't know yet, but they will, eventually. The glory of the Kitty Booze shall not be denied.
Current Decklist (Jackie)
Ice Empress: 3/5, On summon place two 2/2 Golem tokens
Grassy Wolf: 2/1, Quick
Pregnancy: Unplayable
Bottled Aphrodisiac: Stun 2, Consumable
Coldspider: 1/1, Stealthy, Poison 2
Breeding Rush: Move towards target within double normal movement range and stun it for one turn
Bee Daughter: 3/3 creature, Breed 1 (if this card would gain a Pregnancy, spawn a 1/1 Bee token instead)
Bitter Disappointment: Grants 2 attack for rest of battle, may be stacked
Eat Me! Cake: Removes all status effects from up to five targets, Consume
Resentment of a Dying Man: Inflict Doom 1 onto a friendly creature. If this creature is destroyed, the creature or player responsible receives Doom 1. Can be stacked.
Kitty Booze: When played, activate one of three effects at random and decide its target: Switch a creature's Health and Attack, Fully heal a creature, Create Kitty Cavalcade (temporary token creature, 4/4, lasts for 1 turn)
Certain… disagreements on the nature of your pilfered booze aside, the Kitty Palace (or Kitty Party Palace, if you'd have to give it a name yourself) is smooth sailing for the most part, as the only real 'challenge' involved is cuddling cats and, sometimes, herding them.
Which isn't a problem insomuch as it takes a little bit of patience and care, both of which you possess in abundance. For cats, anyways, anyone else would be shit out of luck.
As everyone receives a random little souvenir in the form of a card each (and your Kitty Booze becomes a card as well to serve as yours, much to your momentary shock and anger at the prospect of losing out on it), you soon leave the place through a largely inconspicuous side door in one of the many richly decorated hallways that line this area, right next to the huge marble statue of a yawning cat and your guidance-clone, who beckons you along.
Not like you'd have known to go through there if she wasn't there. Once again, you are proving entirely beyond integral for the success of this mission, as you, or a version of you, hold the key knowledge required to navigate this layer of the game.
The next place you go to, though, is… unusual, and you say that knowing full well this is all taken from your very own subconscious. It's all white, sterile tiles on the floor, walls and ceiling, as far as the eye can reach, and a fluorescent light fills every nook and cranny of the new path you're now taking.
"Is it just me or does this look like a hospital kinda thing?" Bubbles comments as you walk along.
"Do… Do you have some trauma about extended hospital stays?" Weirdly enough, Mitsuko sounds much less assertive than usual right now.
"…Nah," you eventually say when the silence grows too long as everyone waits or your answer. "That's not it. This is probably just the operating room in my actual basement."
"…You have an operating room?" Kerrie can't help but ask.
"Duh. This business is dangerous and sometimes you have to undergo medical procedures as a result." You explicitly don't mention what kinds of procedures, but surely the body modifications you semi-regularly undertake are obvious enough they do not need any explicit elucidation.
"I see…" At least Mitsuko seems less worried now.
Of course it doesn't take long to find the first opposition rearing its ugly head as you proceed deeper into this part of the laboratory somehow projected from your head- you don't really spend all that much time here, so there's absolutely no reason for it to have left any kind of deep impression in your mind, okay. However, maybe fittingly for the place, said opposition is somewhat… eclectic.
As in, the hostile creature cards are called Discarded Pieces, and they're made of flesh and sinew and various body parts you recognize; ones that originate from monsters you defeated, once upon a time, and that never found their way inside your body.
They didn't make the cut, so apparently they're pissed about that now. Too bad for them though, because you don't give a fuck.
"Is that a green penis?! Why are we being attacked by a green penis?!"
"Must be because you're also green," you tell Olivia. "It's seeking out its natural mate."
Screw those goblins, their dicks were as worthless as their ability to defend against exploding stones reacting to trace magical presence in their vicinity. Come to think of it- some of those are probably still lying around in that forest by now, having been rendered inert after so long. Good times.
Also, doubly screw that big one you fought. That one can eat all of these goblin dicks, retroactively.
Still, not all you encounter is as easily explained away as the appearance of some of the Discarded Pieces; for one, the Doctor's Assistants, robotic creatures made of roving masses of scalpels, short-range cutting lasers and syringes are thrown into the mix before you know it.
"What is his what is this what is this!" Mitsuko, for one, seemingly can't deal with them. "You said you had no hospital trauma!"
"…I don't. But Brian sometimes experiments on me, so these are probably from that," you shrug.
""He what?!"" "Chu!"
Huh, literally everyone said the exact same thing at the exact same time. Even Snaketail. Neat.
"Where did you think I got the extra body parts from? I know some of you saw me use the mechanical legs at some point."
Suffice it to say, everyone is freaked out mightily. For some reason. It's not like you ever made any secret about the way you advance science like it was a full-contact sport- by tackling it head-on and with your whole body.
However, the monstrosities and Discarded Pieces you have to face in this part of your subconscious only seem to convince them that you are being horribly victimized by Brian, who apparently brainwashed you into accepting this state of affairs. Which isn't far from what he tried to do, to be fair, but…
"Look, we have an understanding. He usually tells me when he pulls anything ahead of time these days. We're cool." You'd probably sound a lot more convincing if you didn't have to mumble past Olivia's chest, as she has been keeping a death grip on you for a while now.
"Don't worry Jackie, it'll be alright. We won't let him do anything to you anymore."
Yeah, you're talking to a wall now. Curse you, subconscious recollection of events, why do you have to be so accurate and graphic? It's appropriate for your own mental capacities, but still!
Naturally, an imposing area that honestly has some very fitting atmosphere, what with the old, abandoned hospital-esque equipment scattered here and there, complete with the occasional torture device or whole chamber dedicated to inflicting questionable amounts of medical science, also has to be imposing and atmospheric. And, in the interest of being fair and balanced, it kind of is.
Insofar as it is a large, stylized version of your own additional limbs, originally sourced from the Fogrunner you fought together with Olivia (or rather while she watched and contributed minimally, no matter what anyone says) but now impossible to connect back to the thing. Jutting out of a large socket inside a wall, the 'boss' stopping you from proceeding consists of four separate pieces, each of which get their own actions and work to deny you room to attack it freely.
It's mildly challenging. It is also entirely manageable, purely because you can spam infinite amounts of fodder from outside of their reach with Bubbles' and Elena's help.
It all comes down to you abusing those combined with Resentment of a Dying Man, the card you got from Mister Stabblesworth. The Doom status effect is pretty powerful like this, using the easily disposable minions to basically transfer it to the quadruple boss repeatedly and deal massively increasing damage per turn to the things, until they just break apart under the strain.
It looks pretty cool, too, the metallic limbs rusting away into jagged uselessness bit by bit. That's what they get for robotically attacking things in preset patterns- they really are better off being built inside your back instead, the literally brainless little things.
That's always the issue with these things, you find; the people and things that use them are just too… bad at it. You figure it's for the best if you just take over and show the world how it's done, once you acquire the body parts in question.
Either way, you actually receive your back legs as a card once you win, which is pretty neat.
Current Decklist (Jackie)
Ice Empress: 3/5, On summon place two 2/2 Golem tokens
Grassy Wolf: 2/1, Quick
Pregnancy: Unplayable
Bottled Aphrodisiac: Stun 2, Consumable
Coldspider: 1/1, Stealthy, Poison 2
Breeding Rush: Move towards target within double normal movement range and stun it for one turn
Bee Daughter: 3/3 creature, Breed 1 (if this card would gain a Pregnancy, spawn a 1/1 Bee token instead)
Bitter Disappointment: Grants 2 attack for rest of battle, may be stacked
Eat Me! Cake: Removes all status effects from up to five targets, Consume
Resentment of a Dying Man: Inflict Doom 1 onto a friendly creature. If this creature is destroyed, the creature or player responsible receives Doom 1. Can be stacked.
Kitty Booze: When played, activate one of three effects at random and decide its target: Switch a creature's Health and Attack, Fully heal a creature, Create Kitty Cavalcade (temporary token creature, 4/4, lasts for 1 turn)
Bladed Legs: Grant target creature 3 attack and 1 Movement, Consume
Now, finally, you do not have to inefficiently 'walk' using your 'natural' 'feet'. Instead you merely have to pop your new card and, just like that, you can properly rise above the peasantry's level (of traffic), supported by your much superior additional limbs specialized in both transporting you to where you desire to go and stabbing away at anything in the way.
Naturally, the peasants currently accompanying you have no appreciation for such refined modes of movement. "Hey Jackie?" You rotate around without breaking (enhanced) stride, your wisely added limbs seamlessly adjusting to keep going sideways, to face Kerrie. "Did anyone ever tell you you look like a spider like this?"
You stare her down with the wrath of a thousand frozen suns imprisoned in ice, casting your perilous judgement down upon her with all due haste.
"Uhm… There, there? You don't need to cry?"
"'m not crying," you enunciate with complete clarity, crossing your arms in a display of strength and openness. "You're crying."
"Here, Jackie, I'll wipe your cheeks." At Olivia's approach, you skitter skillfully and elegantly avoid her, keeping yourself out of her reach. "Jackie!"
"No." You demonstratively turn away, pouting up at the ceiling as you just cling to it and move along. "I refuse."
A sp*der. A sp*der! The audacity of some people, the nerve!
"She's always been like that. Bugs wig her the hell out, it's the one thing she just can't deal with," Elena explains down below, on a layer of society physically beneath you. "She's probably gonna be like this until something distracts her again."
"Are you sure? Jackie strikes me as someone that will hold a grudge for a long time," Mitsuko weighs in, proving herself the wisest and most insightful of this lot by far.
"Nah, it's fine. She probably would remember it forever if someone stole her chocolate or something, but she'll get over being called that soon enough."
Heresy, lies, libel and slander! And you don't care some of those are mutually exclusive, they're still simultaneously true!
Your pout intensifies immensely.
The walk takes a bit longer this time, as you wander from the white and bright fluorescence of the laboratory-infirmary, and so it seems the lot you are stuck with can't help but gabble on once again, after a time, despite your downright impressive pouting pressing down on the team in your attempts to stop just that from happening.
You just really don't want them to talk about what they saw down here too much; the less they think about it all, the less likely it is they manage to scrounge together the braincells to question things. That's the one thing you can't have- people will happily ignore anything that fits in with their idea of 'normal', going so far as to completely ignore it, but give their petty little minds something to latch on to and they suddenly start to notice things they shouldn't.
Speaking from experience, the amount of witnesses for any given thing doesn't matter, so long as none of them realize they witnessed something, but a single bright bulb going off is enough to have people talk and convince each other they really saw something. This phenomenon is very much exploitable, and you can't even remember how often you made a point of doing so- nobody minds the one guy nodding at them politely, that's just business as normal, no matter how their coworker never shows up after that- but here and now?
You wish they'd just stop talking. Yes, Olivia, that's directed at you. "I probably shouldn't think like this, but… I'm kind of glad we ended up going through this ridiculous game together. It's like we've all grown a little closer, and like I've gotten to know Jackie a lot more than I would otherwise."
"Mhm, I see what you mean," Kerrie nods. Kerrie you dolt, you're meant to tell her to shut up! "Jackie is very quiet and withdrawn most of the time, isn't she? She doesn't normally share much about herself, so this chance to see what she thinks about is nice."
"Muuuh…" You groan. "Why do I even keep you guys around? I should just do everything myself."
You're still walking on the ceiling, by the way. The guidance-clone is hanging back, in the meantime, but never mind her, this is more important right now. "You haven't seen nothing. None of this place is indicative of my thinking at all."
"But you do like cats, do you not?" Mitsuko asks. "Like Tabitha."
"Meow." Like a furry little traitor, your kitty is currently being carried by the pinkette, and wastes no time to agree with her. Just for that, there won't be any tuna for her for breakfast for at least one whole day, you guarantee it!
Suddenly, everyone stops walking. Your back legs (That are not at all reminiscent of a sp*der! This deserves being laid out separately!) rotate to let you see what's going on- just before they withdraw despite what you're trying to do with them, telltale sign of the location having changed and all decks being reshuffled.
There is a door, at the end of the hallway. It is a simple door, not at all pretentious or unusual, the kind of door you could find anywhere in large, reasonably decent apartment complexes. It is not at all fancy, in short, but well cared for, and you know from experience that the hinges are almost, but not quite, silent when opening it.
You know because this is your door. Or, it used to be anyways, before you had to move and everything happened.
Your expression has to give some of that away, because everyone is silently looking at you, waiting for you to make the first move. You do, laying a hand on the doorknob and checking whether it is locked.
It is not. You twist it, first away from the rest of the door, then towards it, and opens without issue. And, beyond it…
"Welcome home, sweetie. I've been waiting. How was your day?"
"…Okay, stop. My dad never was this much of a fop."
You can attest to that. You may have had some fun messing around with your last name, but you never would have worn… Anything like that.
"Wait, that's your dad?" Bubbles asks. "Because, like, just saying, but hubba hubba!"
"Shaddup Bubs, not the time," you growl.
"Oh, you brought friends?" The irritatingly close imitation of none other than yourself, Jack fucking Winters, smiles. Irritatingly. "Great, I've been meaning to get to know some of them. My daughter can be very closed off about school."
He's addressing the others now, but no, nope, you ain't playing along with that game. "Hey! Eyes over here, fuckwaddle!"
"Is that any way to address your father, sweetheart? I'm hurt, I really am." Fuck him, you never looked this smug when you pulled this exact line on people just like that!
"…Sorry about that, but I have to agree with Bubbles," Kerrie says. "Jackie, your dad is…"
"A heartthrob? Super handsome? He's got it going on?" Bubbles rattles off.
"Yes."
"Oh my. Just like in my manga," Mitsuko comments, all the while Olivia is quietly groaning and muttering to herself, gnawing on her lips as she stares down at this copy of yourself. Yourself as a grown man, whatever.
This whole situation is way too weird and also way too dangerous. You know this guy- yourself- and you know it's only a matter of time until he says something unfortunate. So you have to-
"Should I show you girls to the basement?"
"No!"
"We have her first kill down there, I could show you how to butcher a body so it won't be recognized."
Okay, that's it. "Collector, you fuckknuckle, you totally made him say iiit!"
"Jackie." A hand lands on one of your shoulders, quickly followed by another one on your opposite side- both Kerrie and Olivia are holding onto you, now. "Is your dad a serial killer?"
"It's okay if he is," Olivia follows up, "just because he's not a good person doesn't have to mean you're any less of a magical girl for it."
You, naturally, shake both of their hands off with great grace and poise, and not at all struggling absentmindedly while your mid is racing. You absolutely want to avoid lying outright, but by forcing your hand like this, the Collector is really making that kind of hard-
But maybe that's exactly what you should lean into. Your opponent is forcing your hand, in a very subtle yet direct way, and so your hand is being… forced. To resort to extreme measures, that is.
"That's right," you begin, hands thrust against your hips as you take a stance against nobody in particular, just sternly pouting at the general direction of the doll representing your old self, "my daddy killed a few people, but they all deserved it!"
Or, like, you didn't pick your targets entirely at random. Most of them did something to at least vaguely piss you off, though admittedly not all of them, necessarily. Still, close enough to the truth for your purposes.
"They were rapists, and murderers, and the kinds of people that cut you off at the supermarket queue," and damn if those didn't deserve it, "and monsters! Lots and lots of monsters!"
"Mhm, true enough. I did kill a lot of monsters," fake-Jack nods, easily accepting your bare-faced exaggeration of the truth. Methodically removing any potentially dangerous people in the area so Elena could go to school free of worry is covering a lot of ground here in declaring people monsters.
You always knew your good deeds in that regard would come back to reward you at some point, though. All according to kei-ka-ku.
"See! My dad was a monster hunter, but the creature that created this space is trying to use that against us now!" You exclaim, having found a narrative to push in earnest, now.
"Yes. In fact, I was just about to dispose of this specimen here- get rid of it before it manages to try and trick you, sweetie." Smiling like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth (of course it wouldn't, you are- he is- ice type, after all), the fake-Jack lifts a golden little cage, the kind you'd keep a canary or other assorted small bird in, from the living room table behind him so you can see it.
Inside, a mildly annoyed Brian flicks his ear. "Oh no, chuh. I have been caught by the mighty monster hunter, puuh. Whatever shall my fate be, puchuh."
He's not even trying to act convincingly- his voice is flatter than you've ever heard it before, which is saying something. It's almost flat enough to go from being two-dimensional to reducing itself to one single dimension, that's how flat it is.
Honestly, it just makes the situation weirdly comical, which doesn't really help you right now. "That one's way too small and harmless, he's more like… a pet, than a threat," you say, Brian's fur bristling in immediate indignation- though he holds his tongue beyond that.
You know just as much as he does that this has become a challenge of getting your fake doppelganger to give Brian up without a fight breaking out, and him insisting he's plenty dangerous just wouldn't be helping right now. And, contrary to what he'd usually do, he elects not to willfully sabotage himself, because he knows you'd rub it in for months if he did.
"Oh, I don't know," Jack (fake edition) muses to himself, rubbing his chin, "it's certainly not big and burly like those orcs, nor is it an esoteric threat like the Demoted, but still…"
You have absolutely no idea what he's going on about now.
"…it is capable of some very dangerous things. After all, didn't it build this place?" Ah fuck ah fuck your fake is self-aware enough to know he's just a thought construct of yourself, and that this is a fake place 'located' in your basement- "Didn't it 'arrange' for my untimely demise, turn my dear daughter into a 'magical girl', mutilate her with monstrous body parts and continually try to mind control her?"
A wave of cold air has spread over the imaginary apartment, its cozy atmosphere replaced by razors of dangerous intent- all of them careful aimed not at you or any of the other, but at Brian instead, Jack's stern gaze pressing down on him with the weight of fatherly disapproval backed by hundreds of dead, murdered bodies.
"Chuuh, the mind control hasn't been a thing for a while now," the thusly accused sinner argues, and if this was anime a big drop of sweat would be swiping down his face right now. "We have an agreement, puchuuh!"
"And yet I cannot help but notice you never apologized for your involvement in my death, did you?" Jack remarks mildly, one hand gingerly stroking the bars of Brian's cage. "Or forcing my daughter to work for you afterwards. Or the many, many traumatizing experiences she went through."
Raising the cage, he looks Brian in the eyes, every breath he takes cold enough to let a waft of mist come from his lips with every word.
"Whatever shall a concerned parent do about such a thing, hmm, 'Brian'? Tell me, what shall I do about this? Go on. I'm open to suggestions."
Ah crap, he's doing that thig where you can take your time with your victim and can play mind games before killing them. He's totally dead set on murderizing Brian horribly now, and you have no idea how that might affect the real world at this point!
Of course, the peanut gallery isn't much help right now, as always…
"Oh my!" Mitsuko exclaims. "He has returned from the grave to protect his daughter! Like a dutiful knight to the rescue!"
"You know, I'd object, but after everything we know about how he treats Jackie… I kind of want him to teach Brian a lesson," Kerrie remarks.
Olivia, for her part, squirms in place. "Oooh, I don't know what side we're supposed to be onnn…"
"D'ya think he, like, lifts?" Bubbles asks. "Because dayum, this is one dommie daddy!"
Yes. Absolutely no help on their parts whatsoever.
Alright, you've managed to keep this show from going to shit so far, no reason you wouldn't be able to keep up this winning streak. Luckily, the person you're up against now is someone you're very much familiar with, so you know precisely how to strike at his one weakness.
It's a very embarrassing weakness, mostly for you, but what needs, must. You've come too far and invested too much effort into this stupid game you're forced to play just to lose out now!
You take a deep breath, readying yourself for this most difficult of tasks. It is time… To act cute.
Shoving your lips forward into a sizable (though not exaggerated) pout, you cross your arms defiantly, looking up at Jack. "He's a pet," you insist, stomping one foot onto the ground. "I wanna keep him."
"…Young lady, you know that having a pet is a big responsibility," he tells you, finally letting up on Brian for the moment. And yes, you remember how that's why you didn't let Elena have a pet herself- she just isn't responsible enough to take care of one, or was at the time this topic came up, anyways.
"Don't worry, this critter," and you make a point of calling him that, too, both you and Brian are aware, "is the perfect pet. He doesn't need food, he doesn't need a litterbox and he learned better than to try mind control!"
"Chuuh, it never turns out well. Not with her anyways, chuh."
"See, completely reformed," you nod, as though Brian was a model citizen now. Which, granted, has merit- if he's not a problem for you, who cares?
An enlightened point of view Jack, naturally, shares, for he is you. "Hmm… I don't know, what if he mutilates people and turns them into slavishly obedient cyborgs? Again, I mean."
"What the chuck, man?" Snaketail asks.
"Puchuuh, it was expedient at the time. Also, chuh, they totally deserved it for trying to stiff payment for medical services rendered."
"See, he even runs a clinic and all," you immediately argue. "And he promises he won't do anything I'll have to make him regret. Won't he?"
Brian glares at you. You glare at Brian.
"Chuuh, fine. I promise. Now can we get this ovchuh with?"
Jack still looks somewhat skeptical, so you wring your hands. "And I promise I'll do all my homework without complaining! For a whole week!"
"Heh," the copy of your past self makes with a smirk, to noticeable swooning on the part of Bubbles. Was she always this useless? "Not much homework for you to do these days, considering you don't go to school anymore, is there?"
A chill runs down your spine. Just how aware of what's going on is this version of past-you? Because you don't like the signs he's been giving off so far. You're just that kind of vaguely menacing bastard, now that you can see yourself from an outside perspective.
Or maybe that's just you knowing who you are (or were). People recognizing a vaguely creepy serial killer as a potential serial killer just from interacting with them for five minutes is very much a TV thing, otherwise you're pretty sure someone would've noticed yourself years ago.
It's not like your career as a serial killer started a couple months before you died. Your 'hobby' is older than Elena, though you didn't indulge in it as often when you were younger.
University ironically kept you busier than being a working single dad, in that regard. Alternatively, you just learned how to make time for the things that really matter, but really, same difference, eh?
"Still, I guess it's the thought that counts," you smile at yourself, shrugging casually (and in doing so jiggling Brian around). "If you're that set on keeping him, then keep your little friend, hm?"
"…That was the worst-chuh thing you could have said."
"I know," Jack Winters says, for the first time acknowledging something Brian said. "But you know, I have to live up to my reputation as a monster slayer, don't I? Let's just pretend you've become less of a monster, with this."
You are the confuse. Quick, better make sure you don't hurt yourself- nothing is more stupidly frustration than being locked down with confusion of all things.
"Now then, you've all been hard at work, but it's about time this little charade came to an end," Jack continues, smiling kindly. As in, without that hint of knives or gun barrels peeking out on the edges. Then, he looks up a little, head angled and all. "You'll have to try harder if you want to turn this mind against itself. Sucker."
And as the word is spoken, the entirety of your environment bursts apart into a blizzard of snowflakes, swirling and churning and covering anything and everything in sight, including yourself. Surprised, your arms reach out and wave wildly in your attempt to hold onto anything you can reach, but before you can, you're blown away with the storm, tumbling through your natural element-
And, once again, falling asleep. Because you've been inside your own head this whole time, and today is the kind of day that'll have you sleep in. Because fuck it. That's why.
Congratulations! You have successfully completed your playthrough of the alpha release of Magic And Girls (MAG for short). As a reward, you may choose one of the cards you obtained to let it take effect in the real world! Not all cards apply for this, but a good majority do.
List of cards and effects they take if manifested:
Grassy Wolf: Grasswolves are empowered, becoming larger, stronger and fluffier. They retain their friendliness, however.
Bottled Aphrodisiac: Obtain High-Grade Aphrodisiac (DC 12 against VIT to resist hopeless horniness, 3 charges)
Coldspider: Obtain dominion over independent sp*der ice types within the Viridian Forest, allowing you to command them in a limited fashion
Breeding Rush: Increase Fertile Growth blessing by 1
Bee Daughter: Enhance compatibility with insect-like creatures, increasing the chance of interbreeding producing superior results
Bitter Disappointment: Obtain Medicinal Magic Chocolate x3, granting 75 MP recovery when eaten
Eat Me! Cake: Obtain a huge chocolate cake
Resentment of a Dying Man: Mister Stabblesworth gains increased damage gain upon killing an enemy, enhancing damage dice by two instead of one per kill
Kitty Booze: Obtain two bottles of high-grade Kitty Booze
Bladed Legs: Increase Foglegs melee damage from 4d6 to 4d8 per success
Working IT was one of those job where you usually did the same thing all day, with just enough variation in your tasks to keep them from becoming routine but not enough to make them less boring.
The nature of the beast, Jack Winters supposed as he stared at his computer monitor, a vigorous game of Minesweeper running as he awaited the next call to his personal office, was that most people were just very shit with computers.
When turning it off and on again or going through all the plugs and making sure they were where they were supposed to be solved ninety percent of problems, there was only so much expertise required for the job of fixing 'broken' computers. Then there were the other ten percent of actual software issues, for which he had absolutely no idea how to even begin, but a bit of internet research and, if need be, shooting a message to Elena usually helped for that.
When 'just looking it up on the internet' is the hardest part of your job, you know they really didn't need an actual specialist.
Anyways, it was one of those early mornings in the office, so he figured he should keep everything ready for the first incident for him to deal with. No coffee quite yet, the stuff you got from the machines around the office was so vile he couldn't stomach it before twelve, but there was plenty of other stuff for him to do.
Technically, Jack was the Head of IT for this particular building, all of its floors owned by the same company, but while he was supposed to be developing the in-house code everything ran on, he'd managed to stonewall any attempts at holding him accountable for any such thing, so he was pretty fine as long there were no catastrophic failures in the system. If anything, not touching the code was probably the smartest thing he could do, in that regard.
Instead, he got all of his tools ready, some of them stowed at the office, some brought from home just because he needed them in his private life, sometimes. The notebook on how to deal with particular, reoccurring IT problems he'd put together two months into the job, check. The crowbar to investigate beyond the wall panels, check. Knife, shotgun, telescope and rope, check, check, check and double-check.
Nothing worse than faulty rope in an emergency situation- and you never knew when you might need some. Hence why Jack usually had a length or two lying ready in the office.
He could probably get away with some extra breakfast before- The phone rang. Sighing, he answered it.
"Hi, this is Jack from IT, how can I help you?"
"Help! Help, they're coming, they're beating against the door! Hey Jack, this is Janine from Accounting, we're having an issue with employee registration again."
"This is the second time this week," Jack commented, cracking his neck as he stood up. Janine was pretty alright, so he may as well bring the fireaxe for this one. "Alright, don't open the door touch anything, I'll be with you in five and we'll take a look at it."
Jack Winter's Journal, Entry #3: The Demoted
People that fucked up egregiously enough to be punished with the shit jobs around the office. They usually just float in space, visibly twitching into and out of reality, kind of glitchy- but not at all like the Glitched. They're usually passive and can be safely ignored, but some of them 'activate' when something happens.
That something can be someone bumping into them, or a certain word or phrase being spoken within earshot, making coffee, whatever. Once that happens, they're usually pretty aggressive, and start to violently float after people in their vicinity at the speed of a brisk shuffle.
Waking quickly outpaces them, but they tend to aggravate each other once active, so it's possible to just run into more of them and get screwed that way. They don't really have a way to attack, they just bump into you, but their speed doesn't really slow, and they're pretty durable themselves, so most victims suffer broken bones at that point.
They can kill you eventually if you don't manage to outmaneuver them. Barricading yourself can work, but they may or may not calm down naturally after a while. Best to proactively disable them.
When struck from the side or behind, they take damage like normal, and destroying their heads pacifies them. They're back to normal the next day.
Note to self, leave post-its on what not to do around them, if I remember.
Janine's registration issue was a bit of a tough one, but a few enthusiastic swings managed to take it down just fine. While he was at it, Jack also went ahead and put up another shield in front of the dysfunctional coffee machine, it always ran over and nobody seemed to be able to actually fix it.
At least the cleanup usually didn't take long- the crews that took care of these things around here were top notch, if nothing else. Wildly splattered spills were just the worst to clean in his experience, so props to those guys.
Following the Accounting thing, Jack was subsequently called over to deal with some lost files in HR (someone had just misplaced them onto their desktop on accident and was obviously legally blind or something), a device that wouldn't turn on (come on people, the power cord needs to be plugged in at least, even he knew that) and not one, but two cases of 'have you tried to turn it off and on again'.
Eventually, though, he got back up the elevator to retreat into his office for lunch. There may be no other members of the IT department, but he was still its head, so he had a whole room to himself- he honestly liked it a lot, and not only because he needed a place to store his equipment in-between excursions throughout the building.
Unfortunately, Jack's lunch break had to be cut short when, moments after he opened the box he put together the day before (being a single dad meant learning to cook at least a little), another call came through.
"Where am I? God please help me, there's so much wind! I can't see! Excuse me, could someone come down to Finances? There's something seriously wrong here and if we don't get these numbers right, we're having a real issue."
…Well, might as well make use of that rope, then. "I'll be with you shortly, just take a deep breath or two," Jack advised the man on the phone.
Jack Winter's Journal, Entry #5: Building Shifts
Every now and then, the building's layout changes. Could happen in the middle of the workday or after hours, when only the Cleaners are around.
Usually this means someone's having a headache figuring out which way to go to the nearest elevators or finding their workplace again after a break. Really annoying when I suddenly need ten minutes to reach my office instead of two. Sometimes, the shifts are more extreme, though.
Lost half of HR once, when they were displaced across half a dozen different buildings that exchanged chunks of space with their office space. Eventually found most of them again, mostly alive too, but the drive was way too long and exhausting.
In rare cases, entirely new environments somehow intrude on the building itself, replacing parts of it wholesale. They usually go away again after a while, but that one elevator still only takes you into some boreal tundra. Pain to get back into the building, too, and the wolves don't help.
Always keep a snack on hand in case you take a little longer to figure one of these out.
"Take the rope and come with me if you want to live!" Jack shouted from the open door, leading straight into the open air outside the sheer cliff it now led to. Below him, the handful of accountants that had hunkered down in this desert, protecting themselves against the sandstorm with barricades made of their former desks, shuffled.
"We can't! There's some… worm thing, it ate Jerry!"
"Oh for- Nobody liked Jerry anyways, but give me a minute!" He shouted.
Time to find a distraction, maybe some digital clock with an alarm feature, throw it in the sand and have them get out.
Man, but Finances could be a pain in his ass.
"Welcome home, daddy! Long day at work?"
"Pretty long, yeah," Jack smiled, hugging his daughter back as she came to greet him. "Someone got juice all over my suit, so let me get this thing off first."
The bright green blood fluid wasn't as smelly as it looked, but it still really annoyed him. As if Finances wasn't enough trouble for him as it was. There was also a lot of sand dust on him, but he'd gotten most of that off once he got back inside.
"Got iiit! What're we having for dinner today?"
"Well, I don't feel like cooking anything much, so…" he glanced down at Elena. "How about some good old-"