Chances
A/N: Just in time for Valentine's Week! Enjoy!
Do I really not have a chance with this man? Did it never really exist?
By the time Wednesday comes, my mood has taken a dive for the worse. I've spent the whole weekend just lying in my bed, drinking myself to oblivion. It hurts. Every bit of me aches with the knowledge that has been thrust at me without preamble. My thoughts are a jumbled mess and my head stays mercifully numb. The anger that keeps flaring up in my chest at regular intervals just wants the world to burn.
Kiba has visited me several times since the day I had the talk with Itachi. One look at my face and he knew all that transpired. He just wordlessly hugged me and once again I crumbled to nothing. I know he's been worried about me. I haven't told him anything, and I know he's thinking the worst. But I can't bring myself to tell him all that happened with Itachi.
To top it all, thoughts of Sasuke have been plaguing me. He is such a good friend! How can I face him now, knowing that he feels differently about me? I want to confront him. I want to tell him I'm sorry if I've led him on, that it's not him but his elder brother who I love. Why did this have to become so fucking complicated? Why me? The fact that now I can no longer go back to our friendship saddens me more. I'm going to miss our excellent comradery.
Sasuke has messaged me a couple of times since that evening. All his messages casual and friendly, never giving away his feelings. A part of me is mad at Itachi for spilling the truth about his brother. I hate him for ruining the normalcy I enjoyed with him. And yet another part me, the major part of me, the part of me that loves Itachi to madness, understands his reasons. And this only works at hurting me more.
It took me two days to realize I'd parked my bike at his shop. I'm torn between wanting to go there and confront him again just to show him my sincerity and taking the easy way out. Finally, I wake at the crack of dawn to retrieve my bike. I feel like a thief as I scurry around trying to be stealthy all the while praying, he isn't around. Another encounter with him and I'm not sure I would have done anything but ruined things further between us or worse just pushed him against the wall and kissed him like a madman. I love him, I know I do. It does not require a genius to feel the way my heart comes undone just by seeing his face or hearing his voice. But the weight of his words is holding me down as if shackling me to invisible chains.
I make my way to the Business Japanese class on tenterhooks. I enter the classroom to find I'm relatively early seeing as there are only two other students. I take my usual seat and begin pulling out my books. The two students, both female and Japanese are talking in rapid-fire speed about the assignment that is due next week. They smile at me when they catch my eye and I smile back at them. I can now comprehend their speech perfectly. This makes me think of Itachi and in turn, Sasuke. There's no use dawdling over what's going to happen, so, I take one glance at my phone then busy myself with my book bag, pulling out the required material for the class. I open the book to the topic we shall be covering today and force myself to read the text. I'm compelled to laugh when I see the conversation written is between a shopkeeper of a furniture store and a potential customer. Just how ironic can things get? I close the book with a snap and run a hand through my hair.
A hand on my shoulder startles me and my heart picks up speed when Sasuke slides in the seat beside me and begins pulling out his stuff. "Hey," I mutter, dread filling my insides like lead.
Sasuke smiles at me and greets me back. "Hey," he says but there is something in his tone that pricks at my conscience. It's like I'm seeing him in a new light, my vision painted by Itachi's words.
I've seen Sasuke gaze at you the way you gaze at me, he had said.
"What's up?" I say, turning away to avoid eye contact as much as possible. My skin prickles with the truth making it impossible to meet his eyes.
Sasuke busies himself with the textbook and I take that as a second to breathe again. "I enjoyed the snacks from Hokkaido," he says, his tone light and flippant. He smiles but it's not the same smile he gives me every time. It's not warm, not intimate either. It does not reach his eyes.
"Uh…you're welcome, I guess?" I say, flipping a page or two, trying to look at anyone or anything but him. I hate that its awkward with him.
"So, you met Itachi, huh?" Sasuke says and somehow my already tense stomach tightens even more.
"Yeah, Kiba had to buy a shelf, so I went along," I say, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.
I glance at him from the corner of my eye and see a muscle move in Sasuke's cheek. "I see," is all he says, as he turns back to his book and starts poring over the material. Unconsciously, I breathe a sigh of relief.
"Let's talk after class," he says suddenly when our professor stands up and begins the class. My stomach clenches tighter.
My answer is just a small nod.
Throughout the lecture, my mind is a whirlpool of guilt and nervousness. There is something about that tone he used when he took Itachi's name. Has he guessed? Does he know about my feelings for Itachi? Have I been caught? I shiver when I look down at my watch and only five minutes remain. My heart is pounding in my chest. I glance at him for a second where he's writing something in his notebook. No. He doesn't know. I don't think he'd be this calm. Not when I know what he feels for me. And now that I know of his feelings, everything is being brought out in the open in a new light. I know what he wants to talk to me about. I know the reason for his barely suppressed anger. It scares me. Itachi should have never told me. He should never have killed this friendship the way he has. What if Sasuke had no intentions to confess? Then isn't this all for naught?
I turn to look at Sasuke and notice his jaw is still continuously ticking. On one hand, I can see my friend, the guy who I've come to genuinely appreciate. But on the other hand, there's a part of me that can only perceive him as the biggest obstacle between me and Itachi. My head hurts with this onslaught of feelings. It's like I am being forced to make a choice and yet, my choice cannot be Itachi. It has to be this friendship with Sasuke, who wants more. How is this fair?
Thoughts like these swarm and buzz in my head like bees and by the time Anko-sensei starts reminding us of our assignments and other important things, I'm feeling sick.
The moment she walks out of the classroom, Sasuke rounds on me.
"It's nothing special, really." Sasuke begins, not quite meeting my eyes, which I'm thankful for. He begins to pile his books and shove them in his backpack. Relief pools inside me when he denies my worst fears with his body language.
I mimic his actions. I'm shoving the last of my stuff into my backpack when his hand on my arm stops me.
Every action suddenly holds a different meaning now. My heart begins to beat fast with nerves.
"What is it?" there's an edge to my voice as I look up at his dark head. He doesn't seem to notice.
He regards me for a second, licks his lips and opens his mouth as if about to say something, then looks heavenward, runs a hand through his hair and shakes his head. He's nervous. My heart begins to pound in my chest. I haven't prepared myself for this.
He mumbles something in Japanese which is far too quick for my comprehension and now I'm beginning to sweat. On a normal day, I'd have already let things go, but now seeing Sasuke's expression keeps me rooted on the spot.
"I don't like the idea of you spending time with my brother…alone," he says at last, and I stop breathing. The relief crystallizing into a sick mixture of panic and worry.
"Why?" I ask, despite knowing the answer.
Sasuke's cheeks turn pink as he rubs his free palm over his jeans. "It makes me feel like you like him more, like you'll get taken away," he mumbles, turning redder with each word.
It takes me a second to realize that this is his confession. My heart breaks some more. But now that he's put his cards on the table, he needs to know.
Because, Naruto-kun, I had no intentions of pursuing this from the start.
"Sasuke," I begin, "You're my friend and someone I've come to like greatly to the extent that I would hate for this friendship to end. It is through you that I got to know Itachi and no matter what, you'll always come first." I finish, telling him everything I feel for him as explicitly as I can. "Me meeting Itachi with or without you cannot change that. Do you understand?"
Sasuke who's been listening to the whole speech with his face downcast with his hand persistently rubbing the thigh of his jeans, looks at me with something akin to a smile. "Really? You mean that?" he asks, his voice all hopeful. His smile broadens when I nod. "Does this mean you'll no longer give Itachi the souvenirs you bring?" My heart lurches at the fact that I just might never see his brother again, so I can only nod. The weight of the choice I'm being forced to make now, crushes my heart.
"We're friends, Sasuke. I'd hate for us to lose that," I say it again, meeting his eyes. And judging from the shift in emotion in the black orbs, I think Sasuke understands it too.
He'll never know.
His only answer is a small smile and a nod.
It's February now and everyone is unconsciously hell bent on putting me through the axe as they harp on and on about Valentine's Day. In Japan, there is a custom where girls give chocolate to the boys they like on this day. Chouji from my Listening Comprehension class looks optimistic as he glances around. "I'm really looking forward to it. I hope I receive handmade chocolates," he says. He blushes undoubtedly thinking about his girlfriend.
I've imagined the date I would take him on, countless times. I can picture us. I'd whisk him away somewhere far. Maybe somewhere near the sea. We could lose ourselves in each other. I know it will be like a fairy-tale. I sigh as I look down.
"Hey, I heard that boys also give each other obligatory chocolates or something. Is that true?" Sai asks, placing his arm on my shoulder. I glance at him with new eyes, shrugging. I did not know that.
An idea takes root in my brain, insane but brilliant.
Chouji thinks for a moment. We're standing outside our classroom in the corridor on Friday after class while waiting for Kiba to emerge from the toilet. He does, a minute later. We all turn around to make our way out of the building. "What were you guys talking about?" he asks.
Sai repeats his question as I burn with curiosity. Kiba would know something like this. "Well?" I say, making Kiba glance at me for a second. I feign nonchalance as best as I can.
"Yeah," he says at last.
For the first time in days, my breathing eases. I've tried to give up. For thirty days I've struggled with every thought of him, pushing him aside just to focus all my energy on breathing. On just learning how to cope with this terrible situation that's been thrust at us. Okay, maybe, just maybe Itachi really has no plans to pursue this. But where does that leave me? Are we never going to meet again? Is he never going to see me again? My head constantly hurts with the injustice of it all.
For thirty days, I've been a zombie. I've deliberately been plunging myself in my friends and studies. I socialize much more than I usually would. I know my friends are happy when they see me smiling and laughing with anyone and everyone. But no one aside from Kiba and Shikamaru from back home, knows how much this kills me inside. I haven't slept properly since that miserable night.
But for the first time in forever, I've got an opportunity to show him my sincerity. And I'll make the best of it.
The next day finds me in a department store, picking out all the things I'll need for this mission. I spent the whole night surfing for videos after videos of the perfect handmade chocolates. I'm glad that I'm no novice to the kitchen. I've got to thank Mom; she's really taught me well.
The whole evening goes in putting my heart and soul into something for him.
Regardless of what he's said, I'm done sacrificing my chance at happiness.
I grasp the handle of the basket tighter as I wait for the sliding doors to open. I have a speech memorized and all.
It's eight o'clock in the evening on Valentine's Day and I'm dressed to impress. I've combed my usually untidy blond hair and I'm wearing a Henley with jeans. I've thrown a coat over it since it's still cold outside. I know the ensemble looks good on me. I smile as I set a piece of my hair straight and look at the counter and spot him.
It's been more than a month since I last saw Itachi. He hasn't invited me for our formal Japanese classes and he hasn't replied to my messages either. I'm scared of what he'll end up writing. But he hasn't blocked me and I'm grateful for that. The pain of this requited love that cannot bear fruit is slowly beginning to feel like a third limb. It is killing me slowly.
His head which was bent over his book snaps up when the doors opens. His eyes move from the tips of my neatly gelled hair down to the white Nikes I've worn today. The inspection is slow, detailed. I like being the object of this man's attention. I want him to keep looking at me. In fact, I want him to look at me and me alone.
"Naruto-kun," he breathes as he stands and makes his way around the counter. Surprise is written all over his face, belying the way he holds himself back from getting too close. Wise man. Proximity fucks with my mental wiring, rendering me useless.
"Itachi-sama," I take him in. He's wearing a black V-neck pullover over a white shirt and black jeans. After a month of dying without this man, I feel alive. My blood pulses hotly inside my veins, the urge to physically touch him, kiss him, make him burn in this fire, is overwhelming. Instead, I lift the basket of chocolates, I've made for him. "Happy Valentine's Day," I say in English.
Itachi looks at the basket and then at me but doesn't move to take it. He doesn't move at all as he stares at me. I drown in his eyes. He opens his mouth, bringing my attention to it. I stop myself from bending down to take it. Instead, I respectfully look into his eyes.
"Before you say anything, I have something I want to say," I tell him. My hand with the basket drops to the side as I lick my lips and recall the words, I've practiced only about a thousand times since I decided I was going to do this. "I like you. I know you said it can't be and I respect that decision. But it can't stop my decisions. It can't stop what I feel for you. There's only one person I want to give my love to. And this here," I say, lifting the basket once again towards him, "is proof of that." I finish. I push the basket into his hands. "If you think this is unnatural, you can treat them like obligatory chocolates. You can eat them, give them away, throw them, they're yours."
Itachi looks at me for a moment as if digesting my words. Then he covers his face with his hand and looks down. He drops his hand to give me a full smile. And I swear to God, it lights up everything inside me. It feels like sunshine after days of rain. The smile morphs to a laugh. My gaze falls on his lips as he stops to look at me. I can count the second to my heartbeat now. I step closer. We're close to touching now, but I don't touch him. He steps back and turns to move behind the counter. I watch him with a frown. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" I ask hotly.
Itachi doesn't say a word till he straightens and puts a box in front of me on the counter. "Actually, I got you chocolates too," Itachi explains and then bites his lip. He straightens and wrings his hands nervously. He looks up at me and smiles. "I didn't really think about how I'd give them to you or whether I would." He looks into my eyes. "When I saw them, I immediately thought of you and-," he stops and frowns at his own admission.
I don't know what force of nature prompts me to do what I do next. One second, I'm standing at a respectable distance and the next I'm beside him, cupping his cheek and pulling his mouth to mine. His sharp inhale gives me the boost I need as I deepen the kiss. His mouth is fire and ice beneath mine. My tongue darts around wildly, wanting to touch every inch of this heaven, to taste every flavor there. His hands move to clutch my t-shirt in a vice like grip completely unawares as his tongue shyly enters my mouth.
Sparks of fireworks burst throughout my body when his tongue touches mine. His hands move up to my head, his fingers mussing my hard work frantically as he pulls me closer and kisses me. He moans long and low when I kiss him again.
I straighten after that as I grab the box he curated for me and walk backwards around the counter. "The ball is in your court, Itachi-sama. I'll be waiting for your decision," I bow at him and walk away as coolly as I can. The glass doors slide open as I turn to look at him one last time. He's looking at me as if he's in a trance. "Thanks for the chocolates," I say.
I walk out of the shop as if that kiss never happened. As if my hands are not shaking to the point of being unsteady. As if my lungs are not fighting for even a sliver of oxygen to function. As if my brain is trying to catch up with something that's already happened to my body. And my heart, my stupid, stupid heart beats like there's no tomorrow.
And it beats just for this man.
Ever since I cleared the air with Sasuke, we have been spending quite a lot of time together. I know Sasuke is making a gallant effort to hide his feelings and maybe to rid himself of them and I'm extremely thankful to him for that. He's clearly understood what I said that day, always keeping the conversation light and friendly. The mid-semester exams are upon us and while I've been told by my seniors and classmates to take it easy, I've started pouring in all my energies in my studies, spending hours in the library with Sasuke or Shino or even Kiba sometimes, though Kiba mostly just comes over for the heating and to play games on his phone.
Being with Sasuke is like a double-edged sword. Ever since that day, he's gone back to maintaining our friendship, even though sometimes I can see the feelings Itachi spoke of, as clear as day in his eyes. It makes me feel a mixture of anger and pity. I look at his face, so similar to his brother's and the pang in my chest at the choice I've been forced to make, feels like the sharp edge of a knife wedged in my chest just slowly driving itself deeper. We sit and go through our notes. When I take his help sometimes when I come across a problem and he's always there to offer the solution or explanation, or when we're having a meal or just being goofy. It is in moments like these when I think I can do what Itachi expects of me. That this is the right choice. That losing Sasuke's friendship was never an option.
And yet, spending time with Sasuke keeps reminding me of Itachi. It's been three hellish weeks without seeing or talking to the man who tortures me in all my nightmares and becomes the hero in all my sweet dreams. It's needless to say that I've missed him terribly. Thoughts of him come to me unbridled, leaving me breathless with the amount of pain that fills me. There are times when I feel so overwhelmed just thinking about it that I have this innate need to grasp my chest and rip out my heart. He is there like a phantom wherever I go. I have moments when I hate him with a burning passion one minute and then crave him the next. The need to see him, to hear his voice drives me mad.
Especially now after Valentine's Day. My heart kicks up anew when I think of that day. He had a box of chocolates ready for me. He admitted that he couldn't stop himself when he saw them. They are artisanal and maybe I'm being partial when I say they're the most delicious chocolates I've ever eaten but I don't care. I've been hoarding them fiercer than a squirrel hoards its nuts. I've only eaten them when I missed him so terribly, I couldn't take it anymore. He's been thinking of me too. Just that thought alone makes me want to break out in a dance.
And that kiss after his admission…it burnt my insides in a fire so hot, I still feel the heat. I'm fairly buoyant about his reply. But I know that I must wait. If this is my test, I'm going to clear it with flying colors. He needs to come to me now. And he needs to come soon. Another month has gone already! But for now, I'll wait. I won't go to him or message him even if it kills me.
Sasuke has suggested going to Itachi's store on more than a handful of occasions to go study but I've shot him down every time under the guise of one excuse after the other. Some of the excuses have been so lame that Sasuke has looked at me funny but thankfully acquiesced and not questioned further. I know what he's thinking. I let him believe that I'm avoiding Itachi because of what he said the other day. I'll indulge him. As it is, listening to Itachi's name alone is enough to ignite a fire in my veins, the urge to see him almost beyond my control. I'm barely holding on from running to him.
Apart from the looming tension of mid-semester exams, we research students are expected to write a research paper. Though the topic selection and other formalities have already been done, I have yet to start on the paperwork of the damned thing. My student guide who's fed up with my non-cooperation has finally given me a deadline, an ultimatum if you will, for my first draft. And that is the sole reason why I've ditched Kiba and my basketball buddies on a sunny Sunday afternoon to coop myself in my room to go over the materials for the draft.
After reading four pages brimming with kanji characters, I roll back my chair and let out a sigh. Even though they don't daunt me like they used to, my brain is exhausted. My topic, ironically is the challenges foreigners face while speaking formal Japanese and I could kill for Itachi's guidance on formal Japanese right now. I stand up and do some stretches before moving to my refrigerator to pull out a bottle of water.
My eyes move to the clock to see it's five in the evening. I think about what Itachi must be doing right now. Whether he must be engrossed in some book with difficult kanji characters or going over a huge sheaf of papers, sorting them out, with his bangs falling on his face. I long to see him. I long to smile at something with him, to practice formal Japanese with him, to see his head bent down. I miss him. I miss our conversations.
How nice it would be if there was a knock on my door right now and he'd be here, standing at the door, I think whimsically, taking another leisurely gulp of the cold water.
Someone knocks at my door at that moment, making me choke on the water as I gasp like a fish out of the water while beating my chest to let it go down smoothly. I'm sure I've imagined it. Once everything manages to subside, I open my door to see who my visitor is and my breath catches in my throat. Just like how I was envisioning a second before, Itachi stands at my doorstep in his work overalls, his cheeks slightly flushed, his eyes bright with excitement or some other emotion, I don't know. Our eyes meet for a second and then we're on each other. The door closes with a thud behind us as Itachi's lips meet mine.
The world fades away. The darkness clouding my thoughts, everything, everything melts into nothing as his mouth meets mine.
I've missed you. I've missed you.
It chants inside my blood like a mantra as his lips assault mine and a second later, he pushes his tongue in. I've thought of how it would be kissing him but nothing prepares me for the onslaught his mouth is causing on my entire being. I pictured him hesitant; I thought him shy. But his tongue is hot in my mouth, claiming every inch of the space it can find there. It's artless and insane as every fiber of my being is engulfed by his presence. He's kissing me with the intensity of a drowning man and I can feel myself going under with every flick of his tongue against my teeth, my gums, my own tongue. It's hot, it's messy, it's arousing beyond my wildest fantasy. I let him have his way with my mouth. My arms go around him, pulling him to me closer and closer still till not even a sliver of distance can separate us.
He chuckles, low and throaty when I push him against the table a moment later, my mouth is back on his again, gaining dominance. He gives in, pressing himself closer still to my heat, his arms encircling my neck. I can't help it. I lift him up and swipe a hand across my table, haphazardly pushing things away. I growl when his legs go around me. It feels so good to have his lips, his heated skin, his warmth. My hands take liberty and I groan in frustration when I can't find purchase in his overalls. I want to feel him skin-to-overheated skin. I don't relinquish his mouth, my tongue moving against his. I'm afraid of pulling away, of breaking contact, convinced that this could all be a dream. His hands tighten in my hair and a moment later, he breaks the kiss. I don't put him down. Although I've never been in such close proximity with him, I can see that he's lost weight and right now I need his weight in my arms, his heat against mine. We pant as if we've run a marathon. He leans his forehead against mine and I feel his lips stretching into a smile on my own lips.
"I've missed you," Itachi whispers, his breathing still labored. Me too. I take that as a sign to lean in for another kiss. We kiss slowly and languorously this time. Soft closed mouthed kisses that escalate to open mouthed, to tongues. His legs press around my waist, pulling me closer still and I give him access. He breaks the kiss to press his lips to my neck and I almost come right there.
I break away and put him down as gently as I can, shuddering when his thigh brushes against my erection. My hand brushes his side and he chooses that moment to shift. My hand comes into contact with his straining pants and the happiness that bursts forth from the knowledge that he's hard drives me almost to my knees. I can't help taking his mouth for another soul searing kiss. He smells heavenly and it turns me on even more. Oh shit! My Itachi-sama is wearing cologne!
"Hi," I whisper in English, smiling against his jaw.
His answer is a hand brushing against the back of my head and a small smile. Our eyes meet and my heart picks up its usual fast pace around him when I see how dark they look when he looks back at me. I know he wants me as much as I want him.
"Hi," he replies in English when I, very reluctantly, separate my body from his. I need to maintain this distance between us or I'll take him right here against the door. My penis throbs wetly inside my pants, making me wince slightly.
"Would you like some water?" I ask shyly, suddenly recalling my manners as I gesture towards the chair.
He nods as he takes his seat. His cheeks are flushed, his eyes dark and equally shy and his mouth…good god, his mouth is swollen with the evidence of the kisses we've shared. He raises his eyebrows at me and I find myself grinning like an idiot. This man certainly has a penchant for bringing out the stupid in me. I try and fail miserably at schooling my features into normalcy. We stay there wordlessly in the amicable silence. I need a few moments to let his presence in my room sink in. It still feels like a dream. Itachi casts a glance around my room, taking in the somewhat orderly state of things. His eyes land on the reference papers and books all scattered on the floor. He picks them up and scans them quickly in silence and then turns to look at me.
I offer him the bottle and choose to take a seat on the bed. Itachi finishes half the bottle in one go, gulping it down as if he were dying of thirst. Some of the water slips down his chin to his throat and it takes all the patience I've got to not chase a droplet with my tongue. Itachi wipes his mouth with the back of his hand once he's done drinking. He replaces the cap of the bottle and then places the bottle back on the table.
I skate my fingers across my sheets simply fighting the urge to pull him to me as I watch him twirl a mechanical pencil around in his fingers. I want those fingers in mine. I know they fit perfectly. "Why are you here?" I ask, unable to take it anymore.
"To help you with your research paper?" Itachi asks, placing the pencil back on the table.
"Is that it?" I ask.
He doesn't look at me. "What else should there be?" he asks.
"What if I don't need your help?" I ask.
He shrugs, moving to stand. "Then I'm sorry I imposed. I'll get going now."
I turn the chair towards me as I pull him closer. "I'm still waiting for my answer," I tell him. The answer I was taking for granted suddenly contradicts his words. But I want him to say it out loud.
"What do you want to hear?" Itachi asks me, his voice taut.
"I want to hear what you think. I want you to tell me what we are," I say.
Itachi licks his lips as he looks down. "I thought we discussed that the day you confessed," he says. His words cut like shards of ice.
"Then what about what just happened?" I ask. I thought…I thought…
He licks his lips nervously. "I don't know," he runs a hand through his hair.
"I'll tell you. You like me and you are attracted to me equally, Itachi-sama. It's alright to want me. You just have you tell me what you want and we'll take it from there." I bunch my fingers in my sheets to prevent myself from reaching out and touching him again.
His cheeks pinken. It's not like I'm expecting a full-blown confession of love or a marriage proposal! I just want him to tell me what he feels. I know I'm making a big deal about this but I've pined for this man for far too long now. Heck I'm even willing to go as far as he can take! I know, I just know that I can make him mine.
Itachi covers his face with his hand. I lean forward. "Just say it, Itachi-sama. I know you want to," I coax. My nose hovers over his shoulder and I turn my head and inhale his scent. The smell of his cologne makes me smile.. This smell does things to my insides. I need to buy a bottle and keep it. My stalker tendencies are awakening, it seems.
Am I that obsessed?
He nods, his own body closer to mine. The thrumming in my pulse starts. The tip of my nose brushes against the side of his neck. He swallows against my lips as his Adam's apple bobs. My hands still rest uselessly against the arms of his chair. I swallow nervously too. Itachi straightens, putting some distance between us. I tense. "Look Naruto-kun," he says, licking his lips, "I can't deny what we have in between us. Even now the urge to touch you is driving me mad." He licks his lips again and tsks. "When I see you, I lose control. I get urges Naruto. Urges that are driving me insane." He casts a look around helplessly. His tone is almost beseeching when he speaks again. "There are times when I feel like I'll die when I think of you." He looks at me quietly.
"Why?" I ask, raising a brow at him.
Itachi shrugs when he looks at me. "When I think of you, it makes me happy, Naruto-kun. These feelings that I have for you, Naruto-kun, that I know I shouldn't have for you," he swallows thickly. "You make me want to explore them. You confessed to me on Valentine's Day and this is my answer, I like you, Naruto-kun." He looks into my eyes and then nods. "Yeah, I like you a lot."
"And?" I ask. I'm a breath away from his confession.
"And I think I want to go out with you." He smiles at me.
The chair creaks but I don't care. I bend over and take his lips in mine. I kiss with all the happiness, all the love I feel. "Do you have any idea what you've signed up for?" I ask him teasingly.
Itachi's eyebrows come together and then his eyes turn to mine. There's no trace of humor there. He takes a deep breath and smiles at me. "For someone who has always been attracted to women," he looks at me and smiles again. "Naruto-kun, you, have been a lot to come to terms with. So believe me when I say I know."
There's so much he says with so little words. I grin at him to lighten the mood a bit. "But I bet it was okay, I mean, seeing as you're here right now, in my arms."
Itachi breathes shakily. "I thought I'd gone crazy a second before I rang your doorbell." He leans forward and kisses me. "But I honestly thought that I'd go insane if I didn't do this." He looks up again into my eyes. "If I didn't see you."
I kiss him again. "You have absolutely no idea what you do to me, do you?" I ask him again veering us back. "I'm already insane for you, Itachi-sama. Words cannot express what I feel." Tears prick my eyes at the poignancy of the moment. "This, you, here, I mean is this real?" I ask him.
Itachi's hand leisurely skates across my nape. He pulls my hand and presses it against his crotch. "Real enough for you?" he asks.
I grab it in response. He grabs my hand instead. Hesitancy casts shadows on his face as he looks at my hand and then up at me. His eyes stare at me for a long second and then he lets my hand go. My heart bursts with joy when he nods at me. I knew he knew I'd first take permission.
Itachi eyes me hungrily, impatiently. I lean forward and kiss him. His eager lips melt against mine as he gives in. The fire that was smoldering a second ago ignites to flames neither of us has any control ever. Pleasure races through my veins at every contact with this man.
He stands up, deepening the kiss. His hands dance across my body, impatient in their exploration. He presses down on me and moves his waist seeking friction. He breaks the kiss to throw back his head and moan. "So good," he whispers against my ear, his erection straining against his overalls, needing more contact. I pull him up and roll him over. I undo the buttons of his overalls quickly as he writhes against me. It takes every ounce of patience I have to not rip it apart. Primal need grips me and when Itachi pulls my head closer to kiss me again, I know it's the both of us. I rip his overalls.
I'm upon him before he can move. I maneuver his hands out of the damned garment, repeating the same with his legs and throw it across the room. I strip us till we're right down to our underwear. I'm grateful Kiba is not here today. I don't want a witness to this man's passion. Irrational jealousy fills me for a moment, making me suck on the side of his neck to mark him. He moans, his fingers squirm through my hair as he lifts his hips for friction. This man is intoxicating. His slick heat touches mine and he moans in complaint at the undergarments that separate us. His hand skims all the way down my back to squeeze my ass. He smiles giddily. "I've been wanting to do that," he confesses.
I hum against his neck, my head coming up to look at him. I smile, besotted. "What's the verdict?" I ask, raising my brows at him.
He smiles back. "Exactly how I'd imagined it," he says.
"Speaking of asses," I say as I snake my hands down and cup one pert derriere. "This one is not bad, either." I chuckle. "What do you say?" I ask him.
Itachi laughs. "For someone who thinks my ass is not so bad, you sure stared at it a lot." I laugh. Guilty but not guilty.
"Would you rather, I call it divine, milady?" I ask, nipping him playfully on his nose.
"I'd say yes but," he squeezes my butt. "This one could also win the title," he says.
This man, one day. I swear.
I laugh against where I was inhaling that heavenly smell of his cologne. I buck my hips against his. "Are you sure you'll be able to keep up?" I challenge.
He bucks his hips right back. He's not small by any means. "Right back at you, Naruto-kun. Don't underestimate me," he says, smirking. My heart melts into nothing.
"I would never! This humble man's ass is all yours for the taking, Itachi-sama." I tell him.
He kisses me then, rolling us over. The single bed is small for two grown men and we land perilously close to the edge of the bed. But he doesn't stop. His hand moves down to my boxers and then he breaks the kiss to rid us of our underwear.
And, good lord, Itachi in all his naked glory is a grotto I want to worship. He is my religion; he is my faith. He leans over me, unabashed, hungry as he kisses me again. His hand comes around my neck, as he moves his hips to align us together. His cock pulses wetly next to mine which is no better. His hand tangles in my hair and he bends my head and kisses me again. His hand on my neck constricts as precum flows freely from my dick. We move our hips together unmindful of how the bed moves with the strength of our combined weight. He moans hotly, his mouth opens to exhale in mine. My hands are buried in his tresses, falling freely down his back and shoulders, sticking messily to his face as he quickens his pace, his forehead resting against my left shoulder. I pull him to me as a bolt of pleasure begin flowing through me. "I'm close," I warn him.
"Me too," his head lifts and the words are spoken right into my ear. Our thrusts turn disjointed as we chase our peak.
I grunt as I reach it first, spilling messily between us. Itachi's not far behind as he pushes his teeth into my neck and joins me. His hot come splatters between us. He falls on me completely. I put my arms around him and mindlessly play with strands of his hair. My nose immediately burrows in that corner of his fragrance as I breathe in a healthy dose of it. I'll make sure he tells me the name before he goes.
"I think, I blacked out for a second there," Itachi says, his own arms languid against mine.
I laugh. "Tell me about it," I say. He smiles and then he rolls off me to get wet wipes. He wipes himself and then me and promptly trashes them and cleans up right before he puts on his boxers and comes to lie down beside me.
Now that the clouds of lust have cleared from my mind and post-nut clarity is settling in, I'm wondering about the logistics of things.
"Can I ask you a question?" I ask as I look down at him.
He rubs my lips with the pad of his thumb. "Hmm?" he says.
I take that as consent.
"What about our Japanese lessons," I ask suddenly.
He looks up at me distracted. "Of course we're going to do them!" he says so matter-of-factly, I have to chuckle.
I put my arm under his head and he moves into me. We fit together like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. I turn my head towards him and kiss his forehead. "Thank you," I say, sincerely.
Itachi's hand which was carelessly caressing my shoulder stops. "For what?" He asks tenderly, his eyes on mine. He knows what I'm thanking him about.
"For giving this a chance," I say.
Itachi chuckles. "As if I could stay away," he mutters.
I lean forward and kiss him again.
He breaks the kiss. "By the way, you have don't have to thank me for the orgasm, Naruto-kun. It was my pleasure!" he chuckles at his own comment.
My fingers resting against his waist curl and he lets out another chuckle. I repeat the action and he laughs again even as his eyes look at me affronted. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" he asks between laughs as I tickle him full-on. He squirms and tries to get away from me. One second, we're tumbling around the bed, light-headed with laughter and the next we're reaching forward to break our fall. I clasp him tightly to me as I cradle his head in my arms. Luckily, I fall first which cushions his fall. He lays nestled against my chest where my heart continues to pound. Had he gotten hurt…panic flairs inside me all over again. I can't even imagine seeing a scratch on this man. I don't think I can take it. "That was dangerous. I'm sorry," I say.
Itachi looks up at me serious for a second. And just when I'm about to appease him, he bursts out laughing. "Relax Naruto-kun! I'm not made of glass," he says. He stands up and offers me an arm. He smiles, raising a brow at me. "Who knows maybe I could lift you up too?"
I smile, putting my hands behind my head on the floor, not ready to part from the sight in front of me. His hair looks trussed. His hands rest on his hips as he glances down at me. "You already have. I've been to heaven and back, thanks to you," I wink at him. Then I curl my fingers and beckon him over.
He smacks my face with the pillow instead. "All that sweet-talk is going to give me diabetes," he mumbles, chuckling softly. He puts on his clothes.
"Speaking of diabetes," I quip, grinning up at him. "How was your Valentine's Day present?"
"I'd say they were the best I've even eaten, but," he looks up at me and smirks as he puts on his pants, "I could be exaggerating." He bites his lip to hide his smile. "So extravagant, I guess," he shrugs.
"Liar," I laugh. "Did you even eat them all by yourself?"
Itachi closes his eyes and laughs. "I'm not going to answer that. "
"Why?" I ask, unable to contain my smile when he looks down and blushes.
"As if I'd ever admit something like that!" he mutters more to himself.
I stand up and pull him to my arms. "Alright, then you better prepare yourself cause I'm going all out," I tell him before kissing him once again.
He breaks the kiss and jabs me hard. "Can I tell you something?"
I kiss the tip of his nose and nod.
"I came to your building to deliver a refrigerator and the next thing I knew I was ringing your doorbell." Itachi's eyes slide away to stare at the floor as if he's embarrassed by sharing this piece of information with me. Little does he know that listening to all this makes me ecstatic beyond thought. "Since the last time we…um…communicated, I've thought of you…a lot. Each time I had a customer, my heart would soar, hoping I'd see the blond of your head, bouncing towards the counter, your eyes reflecting your happiness, your infectious laughter, only for my stomach to sink when it was someone else. I don't think I've thought about anyone this much."
I know. I cradle his face in my hands and look at him. He comes all pliant and soft. I move over to the bed and seat him in my lap, hugging him tightly to me while I press my nose into his neck, my lips still stretched in an uncontrollable smile.
"So, you thought you just had to come see me, didn't you? Is that why you are wearing cologne?" I ask, bending down to take another whiff. He shivers at the contact, making my heart burst with happiness.
"Like I said, I came here to deliver a refrigerator!" Itachi quips, pushing me away slightly to smirk at me.
"Wearing cologne?" I quip back, raising a brow at him.
"A man's allowed to smell good, isn't he? I mean you smell so good all the time it turns me on and…" he trails off as he catches on his wayward mouth and then stares up at me, his mesmerizing eyes widening.
"Did you just admit you like how I smell?" I ask him teasingly. He looks back at me with so much emotion, my breath catches in my chest. Every spontaneous truth between us is watering and sheltering this seed that's still trying to bloom. And I know I won't let it die.
"Yes, I like how you smell. Is something wrong with that? Can I not admit it?" he challenges smugly, his cheeks still pink. My mind focuses instantly.
Warmth washes over me when I look at his face, committing every line to memory. No matter who comes and goes in my life, this man will always remain. He is unforgettable.
"I would like it if you made more admissions, Itachi-sama. I'm yours for the taking," I say.
He smirks as he cups my ass. "You will be my undoing," he says. His eyes are glued to my lips as if transfixed with them. He looks up at me briefly, his cheeks stained as he stares at me before tsking and then he's out of the door. I inhale deeply, smiling when I get a faint whiff of his smell.
Among all that magic, I'd completely forgotten to ask him the name. Oh well, there's always next time.
I bite my lip, laughing under my breath. So my Itachi-sama has urges, huh?
I recall his unconscious admission. My Itachi-sama likes how I smell. More laugh bubbles out of me.
This is his first step into my world. And I'm going to do my best to sweep him off his feet.
Because, this man, one day. I swear.
I'll have all of him.
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