Chapter 21
The story finally tumbled out – with all of its horrible details. Elliot made no move to stop her or interrupt her. He had pulled her onto his lap, her head still on his chest, and held her as she slowly fell apart. The walls she'd erected cracked, broke, and tumbled into the sea of emotions that washed over her. Despite all of it, Elliot felt that maybe it was a weight that was coming off her shoulders. He could understand why she had been so hesitant to mention the story. His anger grew the more she explained the traumatic events. Had William Lewis not been dead, he surely would have killed him.
"Liv…" his voice cracked as he said her name. There was anger and sadness all balled up into one.
"I…" she paused.
"When I said I love you – I meant it. Not just for my kids – but for you too. This doesn't change that. I'm sorry that I wasn't there. I'm sorry it took so long to find you. I'm so sorry," his words were genuine and she knew that as they sank into her mind.
"I used to be so angry at you. You weren't there when I needed you. It was insane. It wasn't your fault. You had been given little choice when it came to your career after Jenna. You did what you had to do or at least what felt was right at that moment. I could not fault you for that. You hadn't walked into the precinct emptying a gun you'd bought on the street. You hadn't killed Sister Peg. Jenna's decisions had a ripple effect, one that neither one of us could see until it was too late," Olivia told him.
"I…" Elliot paused as Olivia threaded her fingers into his. He inhaled the scent of her hair, coconut.
"When Jenna was shooting, I only had one thought on my mind. That I had to protect you. I had to get to you. Crazy thoughts went through my head. Practically impossible ideas on how to stop her and get to you at the same time. Ideas, I knew had a better chance of getting me killed, rather than actually achieving my goal. Didn't matter, I was going to do it. Then, before I even realized it, my logical brain took over, and instead of doing any of those crazy ideas, I shot Jenna. The quickest and best way to make you safe was to eliminate the threat. Only after I pulled the trigger… she was just a kid…" he still had trouble sleeping sometimes. Something would cause him to remember her, or the incident and he'd go down the rabbit hole. He imagined that Olivia had the same problem, but it was more complicated than that. Every time she took her clothes off, she could see the reminders.
Suddenly, he felt her moving his hand to the inside her shirt. Her skin was smooth – until it wasn't. Elliot could feel the scar tissue from the cigarette and clothes hanger burns. Again, his anger welled up inside of him. Lewis might be dead, but he left physical and mental scars that would stay with his victims.
"I was afraid to show you these. That you would think…" the word 'ugly' never left her lips as they found themselves occupied by Elliot's.
"You are beautiful Liv. You always have been and you always will be," he said when they parted, their foreheads resting on each other.
"Noah doesn't know. I… I hide them. There's no good way to explain them without taking him down a road that he doesn't need to go down. His biological father was a sick bastard, just like Lewis," she explained. It was important that the young man never knew about Lewis – his father would be enough – if he ever asked.
"You don't need to hide them from me," Elliot promised her. He may not have actually gazed upon them yet, but he wanted her to know that he would not shy away. Suddenly, banging on the front door of the apartment jolted them out of their moment. Olivia rushed to the door. The officers never banged on the door like that.
"What is it Khalid?" She asked.
"I'm sorry ma'am. Ten-thirteen. Captain Duarte is down," Officer Mahmoud told her. Olivia's eyes went wide.
"What hospital?" She wanted to know.
To Be Continued…