A/N: Special Ben chapter! This one was not originally included in Idiot. And for those of you that haven't read Idiot, know that this is Ben's half of Idiot, while Idiot is mainly focused on Rey's POV, even though I included some of Ben's feelings in the other one. Idiot Ben explores Ben's side more in depth (if I'm accomplishing my goal of doing that so far!).
Dw.618 thank you so much for your encouraging review! I look forward to writing Ben's POV also :) Hopefully I won't let you down!
Thank you to all who have favorited and followed! Enjoy! R&R!
Definition of inimical: unfriendly, hostile, adverse in tendency or effect, unfavorable, harmful.
Idiot: Ben
Chapter 4: Inimical
Departure day. He hated today. He hated it from the start of it, which began last night. He'd given Rey a hug good night and noticed that she really didn't want to let him go. He knew she was hurting, and if he had to be honest with himself, he didn't want to go either. However, he tried to be strong for her because he didn't want to make it harder on her when she was already having a difficult time. The promise of returning seemed to have fallen on deaf ears for her because, like himself, he only wanted the here and now. He wanted to stay. He knew he could possibly develop something here with her. But if he were to return home... would that still be a possibility?
It took him several minutes to bid her good night. But that was when he started to hate today. It came too fast. It didn't give them enough time. It existed. He hated this day. Coupled with the fact that he had to leave, he had to wake up stupid early to get to his flight in time. He'd debated missing it. Pulling a Poe and sleeping past his alarm and feigning ignorance. But he knew that with his dad gone... his mom and the company needed him. He felt a sharp pang in his chest of guilt, but quickly dismissed it, knowing that if he were to dwell on that, he would spiral down into the deep dark hole that he didn't want to revisit.
He forced himself out of his temporary room with a sigh, seeing Poe standing there half awake. He only rolled his eyes at his cousin. Poe only nodded to him and helped him take a bag. Ben hadn't come with much. He always traveled light, so there wasn't really a need for Poe to help, but it cleared up a hand in case he needed it. As soon as they piled into the car, Poe claimed the backseat and was sawing logs within the minute. He only shook his head as Rey drove to the airport. He didn't intend for the silence to be so thick between them, but what could he say? It was definitely a tense silence. One that he didn't want to turn into a volatile one. Part of him really wanted- no, needed- to stay, but he knew that wasn't an option for him. Oh, but it tore him up on the inside.
"So... what's going to happen when you get back home?" Rey asked as she made a turn, her eyes not meeting his.
He shrugged at the question. "I need to help mom with funeral arrangements, contact family and start running the company... Pick up where dad left off," he said the last part quietly. He had a lot to do. It was going to suck. He didn't know how he was going to do it all. Would he even be any good at following his father's footsteps? What if he ran the company into the ground? What if everyone saw him as a cheap imitation of his father? What if he was too hard on the employees? What it everyone quit on his first day because they hated him so much!?
He gasped when he felt a hand on his. He glanced over at the warmth and saw Rey's much smaller hand on his. He felt all he needed to off of that one action. That one act of sympathy told him he was freaking out for nothing. That he was going to be all right. It was so stupid. How one touch from one woman he barely knew could ease him so much. "If... there's anyway I can help... let me know."
Her voice was gentle, delicate. As if she was unsure of her own words and offer. He almost asked her to come with him, but he knew that wasn't feasible either. "Thanks... but there's not much you can do from a different state," he said with a small sad smirk. Sure, he knew she could help more than he was going to let her, but he didn't want his problems to become hers. She had her own life here and the last thing he wanted to do was burden her with his problems, too.
Once they arrived to the airport, Rey hesitantly took her hand off of Ben's, having left it there the whole time and Ben not making a move to change anything, and got out of the car. Poe woke up with a start, helped Ben get his luggage out the back and yawned as he made his way through check in and baggage and stuff. Realizing Ben had to wait for a while, he gave him a hug. "Don't be a stranger, Ben. You're always welcome here."
Ben nodded. "Thanks, Poe."
Rey and Ben watched Poe stand from his seat, stretching silently. "I'm heading back to the car. See you later, Ben."
Poe gave Ben another hug and left the airport to return to the car, leaving the two alone. He sighed to himself as yet another phone call came for him. "Solo."
"Mr. Solo. Phasma. I was told to contact you to let you know about the upcoming legalities. Have you arrived back in town yet?"
"No. Haven't left yet."
"Understood. Contact me when you touch down. There will be a car waiting for you to escort you to SPD HQ."
"I have family business to attend to first, Phasma. Business will have to wait." He was already getting annoyed with this woman attempting to call the shots. No way was he going to start things out this way.
After a few moments of silence, she sighed. "I understand. Forgive the intrusion. Please contact me when you are finished handling your father's funeral arrangements. I apologize for my callousness. You father was a very kind man, Mr. Solo."
Ben's eyes softened a little at that as he sat next to Rey. "Thank you." He hung up the phone and saved the number in his phone as Phasma. He checked his text messages that were going off in the meantime. He sighed again. Seven from his mother, ten from Hux, one from the lawyer... Things were already sucking. He was so wrapped up in his own world that he didn't even realize that Rey was stealing glances at him. If he were completely honest with himself, he didn't even realize she was there. They didn't say anything to each other, nor did they touch again. He was already sinking into his personal life, leaving her behind. He barely registered her sigh when another phone call rang through. "Mother-"
"Ben, have you left yet? Why weren't you answering my messages?"
Ben sighed. "Because there were multiple dead spots on the way and it's six in the morning, four when we got up..."
"Dear, you could have called me."
"At four in the morning, mother?" he asked incredulously.
"Anytime, Ben. Anyway, has Phasma called you?" He only huffed in annoyance, signaling an affirmative. "Yes, my thoughts exactly. Phasma and Hux always gave your father a lot of grief... They often forget their place in the grand scheme of things. Do be careful with them."
"I will."
"When you arrive... I'll be there to pick you up. You're supposed to touch down at nine, right?"
"Yes."
"All right. Be careful, dear. I'll see you soon."
They disconnected the phone call and sighed heavily. He held his hand out to her, palm up, silently asking for her phone. All she did was look at him curiously and he knew he had to be more specific. "Your phone?"
Rey hesitantly gave it to him. "Why?"
Why? Really? Because he realized he hadn't given her his number yet. And he didn't want to forget it. He thumbed through her phone, navigating to her text messages and typed in his number. After sending a text to his own phone, which vibrated on his knee, he gave her phone back to her. She apparently was too tired to catch on because he tapped her screen to draw her attention. "My number." As promised.
Her face lit up with a blush and a wide smile and he quickly grabbed his phone. He slid over to the camera and snapped a quick picture of her, wanting to save that as her contact photo because he realized that was one of the most beautiful faces she makes. Unfortunately, she didn't approve because her eyes widened and she yelled his name at him. "Ben!"
He only grinned. "What? I wanted a picture to put with the contact like with everyone else in my phone..." That was a slight lie. He didn't need a picture to remember her. He also didn't have pictures for everyone in his phone. He just really wanted to take her picture and be able to smile when she called him, if she called him.
She groaned and looked over at his phone, clearly embarrassed and not at all pleased. "At least let me see it..." He obliged her and showed off the picture he loved so much, but saw her color drain from her face in horror. "Ugh... can't we take another one? That one is hideous..."
And here we go. Typical girl wanting to take loads of pictures until they found just the right one that was suitable for public. He couldn't help but snicker at her. "This isn't a fashion show on my phone, Rey. It's a perfectly good picture." Captures your beauty perfectly.
She frowned and snatched his phone from him. Fear started to take over as he secretly hoped she didn't delete it. "We're taking a better picture."
Ben only rolled his eyes. "We'll be here all day when you finally take one you like." And that's fine because I don't want to go home anyway. Not without you.
"I'm not a typical girl, Ben." That's the truth. You're better. "I don't go through a thousand selfies until that perfect one with the duck face is mastered. Just... here." Before he could register what was happening, she leaned in really close to him, like one would do when dating someone, and pulled the camera away, snapping a picture before he had a chance to school his expression. She pulled the picture up and laughed softly. "Nice face."
He looked at the picture and saw just how shocked and unprepared he was. He shook his head. "Take another one. I'm ready this time."
"Now who's taking a million pictures?" she teased. He only grinned at her before wrapping his arm around her waist to pull her close for the picture. He saw her cheeks were a slight pink color in the camera as they smiled and she snapped the picture. He could tell she was worried about the way it looked, but all of that was replaced with a warm fondness when she saw it. She texted it to her phone. "Perfect."
Just like you. He took his phone back and felt his lips turn up into the smallest smile. "Agreed." He set it as her contact photo and noticed she'd done the same. Unfortunately, the announcement for his gate number came on and he resisted the urge to sigh. He grabbed his things and stood, Rey quickly standing after him. "Time to go..." Joy...
"Yeah..."
He didn't fail to notice how her voice cracked. He could sense her sadness and her unwillingness for him to leave. But he couldn't do anything about it. If he had his way about it, he would stay. He set his things down and wrapped his arms around her gently, pulling her close to soothe both of their painful goodbyes. "I'll come back," he promised softly into her hair. "And we can text or call or whatever."
She wrapped her arms around his much larger frame, as if holding him tightly and afraid to let him go. "Yeah..."
He pulled away after a moment, grinning down at her. "It was a fun month. Watch over Poe for me." She nodded. "Bye... Rey."
He saw her small smile as he grabbed his things and started to walk away. "Bye, Ben." He looked over his shoulder one last time, shooting her a grin and a wave before disappearing into the throngs of people. It was then that he heard it. She was crying. He knew she would. He knew she was trying to be strong to not make this harder, but he also knew the internal struggle she was facing.
He felt it, too.
He quickly dragged his phone from his pocket and typed out a quick message to her before shutting his phone off. Stop crying. You're too beautiful for that. I'll call you when I land.
X~X~X~X~X~X~X
He touched down without fail and realized that his flight had gotten in much earlier than he thought it would. He had about thirty minutes to kill before his mother was scheduled to be there. He sent a quick text to her to tell her he landed and would be waiting on a bench outside before taking to the phone to call Rey, just as promised. As it rang, he sighed to himself, leaning back and looking up at the sky. He wondered if she was looking at the same sky. If she could see the same clouds. One that looked round like a ferris wheel, reminding him of their time at the carnival together and, consequently, the low-key date they were on afterwards. He slightly smiled at that cloud. He wondered if she could see it, too. If she would think of him if she laid eyes on it. "Hello?"
He frowned when he heard her voice on the other end. "You're crying," he said simply, earning a strangled sob from the other end. "Rey...-"
"Sorry. It's just... hard. I... got something in my eye..."
He couldn't help but chuckle at her. "I think I know better than that." She let out a small sad laugh. "I miss you, too."
"Shut up," she laughed, trying to get herself together no doubt.
He chuckled again. "Stop crying. You're too beautiful for that." He was smirking the whole time. He could tell he reached her because they gasp on the other end alerted him that she'd really honed in on his words being said, rather than typed. "Wish I could see how red your face is right now. I'm thinking tomato level..."
She laughed at him. "Jerk."
"Hold on," he said as he looked at the time. His mother had shown up already and she was early. Leia had her driver load his things into the car as Ben stood before her and kept the phone up to his face. Leia only smiled up at him, hugged him and led him to the car. "I think I'm going to have to let-"
"Don't you dare," Leia warned.
Ben chuckled and shrugged. "Nevermind. Apparently, I'm grounded from getting off the phone."
Rey giggled on the other end. "Mother knows best."
"Yeah... right... So what's the plan for today?"
Rey sighed. "I need to keep doing the books. Apparently, someone is messing up payroll again and it falls to me to fix it so-" Ben only smiled as he listened to her go on and on about how her job sucked, only interjecting a few times to show he was listening. He could listen to her talk forever. And it helped him relax, even though his mother's gaze was boring holes into him. He knew she was dying of curiosity to know who he was so content talking to. However, with as smart as his mother was, he knew she figured it was a girl he was interested in. So, she let the two chat for the whole drive back home, which was a couple of hours. "Anyway... I need to clock in for work, Ben. Thanks for listening to me and making me feel better."
He grinned, knowing she wouldn't see him. "I didn't do anything."
"Just listening helps. And you made me laugh. I really needed that. So... thank you."
The tone of her voice made his heart swell within his chest as he let a delicate smile come over his face. "You're welcome. I'll talk to you later, Rey."
The phone call ended and Leia nonchalantly looked out the window. "So, when's the wedding?"
Ben groaned and slumped in the seat for the last thirty minute leg of their drive.
X~X~X~X~X~X~X
Once he'd gotten home, his mother was a wreck, though she tried to hold it together the best she could. Ben knew that his mother was holding off on the arrangements because she needed him by her side for moral support. He hadn't done anything except handle the phone calls to relatives he wasn't even familiar with. As expected, no one cared. The majority of them wanted to know what Han left them in his will and how Leia was holding up, totally forgetting that Han and Leia had a son. He was at the end of his rope. He was getting frustrated as time went on and he finally was about to lose his temper before he got hold of one of his distant aunts. The older lady had picked up the phone and was really sweet, yet stern. Maz was her name. Maz Kanata. Maz had offered to help anyway she could. She even said she was going to book a flight over to them to help them with the arrangements and afterwards.
Ben had learned that his mother had planned a simple thing. Cremation, short service, then will arrangements. Ben was apparently named Executor of Estate, which was the more official way of saying that he would be responsible for doling out everyone's share of things written in the will. For the majority of everyone that had gathered, they left empty-handed and rather annoyed. The only people that showed up to the service was Leia, Ben, Maz and Ben's uncle Chewie. He was a tall man, to say the least. Ben was tall, but Chewie was taller. When the service was over, Ben glanced out over who was left and saw Luke standing at the back, arms crossed as he leaned against the doorway. Ben's eyes narrowed at him, cuing Leia to get up and walk over to her brother. They exchanged a brief hug before leaving the room. Ben was furious. Why was he here?! What good could he do by being here!?
Ben's eyes scanned over the paper to make sure his father wasn't stupid enough to leave anything to Luke. Sure enough, he was mentioned in the will. "To Luke Skywalker goes all of my cars and automobile memorabilia, with exception to whatever my son, Benjamin Solo, wants to keep out of said items." Ben's eyes widened. Ben... got to choose... what Luke received? Ben's heart nearly stopped beating in his chest as he felt tears start to pool at the corners of his eyes. He blinked several times, refusing to let them fall in front of everyone as he sat in the chair, staring at the words written on the page. All anger left him. There was only regret that gut-punched him now. He heard his phone vibe in his suit pocket, pulling him back to reality. He looked down at the message and couldn't help but smile.
"From Rey
I remember you told me today was the funeral... How are you holding up? I'm here if you want to talk."
He stared at the message and felt the regret slipping away from his consciousness, only to be replaced with gratitude and affection and longing. He slowly typed back to her a response. "Thank you, Rey. You've already helped a lot. It's almost over." He sent the message and sighed as his mother and uncle came back to the rest of the group. He stood from his chair and cleared his throat as Luke's attention landed on him. "Dad wanted to leave things to you," he said coldly to his uncle.
Luke studied him for a moment and nodded. "Let me know what things you don't want to keep and I will see to it that they are moved."
Ben hated how Luke was always so authoritative. Like he knew everything and had to display an air of arrogance. Ben wanted to knock him down a few notches. He wanted so badly to show him who was boss. And that it wasn't Luke. Ben nodded curtly. He didn't want to be in the presence of this man. "There's nothing left to say to you," he said as he walked past them, intent on going to a different room where he wasn't.
"If you need help with your company, I know a good accountant. She's been a great help to me the past few years and I'm sure she could definitely do the same for you. I'm sorry about your father, Ben."
Ben hesitated in the doorway and clenched his fists at his sides, his whole demeanor changing to one of pent up rage. "I don't need anything from you," he hissed as he walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. He hated this man. He hated that he had so easily acted as if nothing was wrong. That he was blameless. That he had nothing to do with his father's death. Ben blamed him. It was all his fault. Luke was the reason his mother and father argued all the time. Han spent countless dollars on rebuilding cars and racing them, crashing them and rebuilding them again. It was a vicious cycle. His mother was always pushing his father to stop, his father was too stubborn to listen because it had become a passion of his, and his father always left. Han was gone most of the time, working on cars, racing them and the such. He left Ben. Every single time. Because of a hobby that Luke got him into. If Luke hadn't suggested he race the Falcon, Han would still be building and selling cars; not racing them to his death.
But no. Han had gotten addicted to the speed, the freedom of it all. Ben knew that freedom. He raced alongside Han once. Never again. He could easily get addicted to the freedom and speed just like his dad did, but he had enough control to stop himself. He wouldn't allow himself to get mixed up in that garbage. That was a waste of life. Clearly. If it weren't...
Ben choked back a cry as he stepped into his room and barricaded himself against the door. He looked down at his phone and debated texting Rey, but decided against it. He fisted his phone and hung his head as tears slid silently down his face. He hated Luke. Why did he have to show up? Why was he here? He felt his phone vibrating in his hand and he looked down at it. He frowned. Rey. He answered it, but said nothing as he hesitantly held it up to his ear. "Ben?" Rey called cautiously over the phone.
"Yeah..."
Rey hesitated on the other line. "Ben..." Her voice was gentle, warm, compassionate. "Ben, what happened?"
He couldn't help but snicker sardonically. "Luke's here..."
She gasped on the other line. "What happened?" Her voice held deep concern for him as he smiled sadly, leaning his head against the door with a heavy sigh. "Ben? A-are you all right?"
He smiled sadly. "I will be. It's just... been a rough day..."
Rey was silent, probably thinking of something else to say. "What's your peaches?"
His brows knitted together. "My what?"
"Peaches. When I have a bad day and there seems to be no positives happening, I was told to think of my peaches and my pits. Pits are the bitter parts of the day that are causing you to be upset. Peaches are the sweet part of your day, the positives of the day." She was silent for a second as he processed that information. "So... what's your peaches, Ben? You've already said that your pit is that Luke is there. Another pit is that you're handling the funeral stuff. So what's your peaches?"
He felt his anxiety start to melt away as she redirected his thoughts to something positive. He couldn't help but chuckle, a real happy chuckle, as if relieved that he had this distraction. "You're amazing, you know that?"
Rey giggled on the other line. "That can't be a peach, cheater." He snickered and sighed softly. "I'm waiting," she trilled on the other end.
He smiled. "I'm talking to you."
She paused on the other end and he couldn't help but grin at the very high possibility that she was blushing. "O-ok... what's another one?"
Bingo. Blush. "You're blushing." She groaned on the other end, a slight slap ringing in his ears as he realized she must have slapped her forehead against her palm as she did when she was exasperated. He chuckled. "I don't know... I don't have many... There's more... cores?"
"Pits," she corrected. "And that's why you need to think of more peaches. Even if they're small. It could be as simple as the fact that you're alive."
"That's another one, I suppose..." He honestly tried to think of more, but all of them revolved around Rey and he didn't want to creep her out. However, the more he thought about them, the more Rey started to dominate his thoughts. He had her as a friend. He had a person that was genuinely concerned about him. He had someone that was worth their time to try to cheer up and redirect rather than giving up on him. He had someone that was taking time out of their own busy day to offer emotional support to him. His mother was still alive... "I still have one parent, I guess..."
"See? You're getting the hang of it!" Her voice was light and encouraging as he felt a small smile come across his face. "Now. Are you going to sulk the rest of the day? Or are you going to finish business? Because the Ben I know wouldn't dare waste the day moping."
He chuckled at her and sighed in defeat, getting to his feet. "It's creepy when you do that."
"Do what?"
"Nothing." There was a knock at the door behind him and he sighed again. "I need to go."
"Duty calls. Go get 'em, Ben."
He smiled as he hung up and opened the door, his usual scowl back in place. Luke stood there begrudgingly, or so it appeared. Ben only crossed his arms at the slightly shorter man. Luke was nudged rather forcefully from behind and that was when Ben noticed his mother there, having shoved her brother with her cane. Ben deadpanned. Of course she got involved... As she retreated, Ben looked down at Luke. "Are you going to just stand there?" he huffed at his uncle.
Luke sighed, too. "I know you blame me for your father's actions... And there's nothing I can say to change your mind..." Ben only scoffed in response. What did he know? Why was he even here? He wouldn't have thought twice about speaking to him if his mother hadn't forced him to, so why bother? "Ben... Whether you want to believe me or not, I blame myself for what happened, too." Ben looked at him then, a silent dare to continue speaking. A dare that Luke took. "I didn't expect your father to take to the racing so diligently." Diligently. Ha! What a word to choose! It made Ben hate him all the more. Racing wasn't a study. It was a profession, a side job, a life destroyer. But Luke addressed it so flippantly! "I know your father wasn't the best at record keeping, but my accountant could help you with that-"
"Are you forgetting about your exclusivity agreement? I'm not an idiot, Luke. I won't let you trap me like that. And this 'accountant' of yours also happens to be my friend, so thanks, but like I said before. I don't need anything from you," he hissed back at his uncle.
Luke only stared at him. He frowned at his nephew and sighed in resignation. "Ben, your hatred of me is going to consume you. You need to understand that it wasn't me that made the decision to do what he did. I didn't even suggest it. You holding this over my head is pointless and misdirected."
"It was you that put racing into his head in the first place! You know he had an addictive personality! But that didn't stop you from hooking him on something that was dangerous and useless! Don't you talk to me about my hatred being pointless and misdirected. I know who's responsible: you. It was your fault he was racing so frequently. It was your fault he got into an expensive and dangerous hobby. And it was your fault that... that..." He couldn't finish that. That he's gone. Ben's eyes turned to pain and hatred and anger before he could stop himself. "I hate you."
"I know." Luke kept looking at Ben, as if trying to save the situation. But Ben was already long gone and had no intention of making amends with this man that was, in effect, responsible for his father's death. "I want to fix things, Ben. Tell me what I can do."
Ben glared at him then. "Bring him back."
Luke frowned and sighed heavily. "I can't..."
"That's the point," Ben hissed as he walked away from him.