Cold As Ice

By: Darkest Ember

Homelander x OC

Summary: Esteemed Vought researcher Dr. Violet Clarke wakes up with no recollection of how she wound up in a hospital bed high up in Vought Tower. Eventually, she finds out that she was the only survivor of the Flight 37 crash, but she has no memory of being on the plane. Homelander naturally sees her as a liability and intends to kill her, but changes his mind when he finds out about her memory loss. As Homelander develops a dangerous fascination with the doctor, she does everything she can to remember what happened on that flight.

When she does recover the horrific memories, she'll turn to Butcher and the Boys to try to take Homelander down, but things get complicated along the way...

Chapter 1: Sole Survivor

At first, there was only darkness. Darkness and the feeling of being swayed back and forth in the ocean's freezing waves. Every now and then, there would be a faint red light that blinked in the distance. Violet couldn't move or speak. She could only float in the dark abyss. Until the day that a bright white light cracked the sky and sent a rush of air into her lungs.

The sharp contrast of bright lights and beeping machinery assaulted her senses, causing her to blink rapidly until her eyes adjusted. She could tell that she was in one of the Vought Tower suites, but was confused when she looked down and saw that she was in a hospital gown. Wires ran from her arms to the constantly beeping machinery on either side of the bed. A thick plaster cast was wrapped around her left forearm. The beeping on the heartbeat monitor suddenly increased as a wave of panic washed over her.

Why the hell am I in a hospital bed? Was I in an accident? She wondered, racking her mind to figure out what had happened. All she could recall was the darkness. The waves. The silence. The cold.

It didn't take long for the medical staff to realize that Violet had regained consciousness. A team of nurses and a doctor ran into the room with excited expressions. Eager to get answers to her questions, Violet bolted upright, which she instantly regretted as spasms of pain traveled across her weakened body.

"We're so glad you're awake," one of the nurses said, helping her ease back into a more relaxed position. "But you're going to have to take things very slowly. You've been out for quite some time."

Violet winced. "Why can't I remember how I got here? What happened?"

"It's not uncommon for people to experience post-traumatic amnesia after waking from a coma," the doctor said. Noticing that she still looked confused, he explained, "Short-term memory loss. Your brain is going to need time to repair itself."

"So I will eventually get my memory back?"

He nodded. "It's very likely, yes. It could come back in minutes. Or it could take months. But given the nature of what happened...you might be grateful that you don't remember."

Violet wasn't discouraged. "I need to know what happened."

"You were on a hijacked plane. Homelander and Queen Maeve were enroute to save the passengers, but they didn't make it in time, and, unfortunately, the plane went down. You were the only survivor."

One answer seemed to lead to a hundred more questions, most of which she knew this doctor wouldn't be able to answer, which left her feeling overwhelmed with dread and helplessness. "B-but I don't remember any of that," she cried. "How does someone forget something as traumatic as that?"

"Don't put any blame on yourself. I know you want answers, but trust me when I say, this is a good thing. This will allow you to focus on recovering and getting back to your life. Plus, Vought spared no expense to help you get back on your feet. They're covering all of your medical bills."

Violet managed a small smile, despite the fact that she couldn't see the good in any of this. She can't be expected to just pick up where she left off as though she didn't survive some horrific ordeal. "That's very generous...but why?" she asked.

The doctor shrugged. "You're a valued employee. I've been told that you've done some phenomenal work in the Developing Talent department."

At the mention of her work, Violet felt another wave of panic. She worked in what was essentially a daycare for supe children. The partnership between Vought and the baby's parents always sounds good in theory, but many parents can't handle the reality of dealing with a toddler with powers. Vought created an underground daycare facility where overwhelmed parents could drop off their kids during the day. It was a win-win scenario - the parents allowed Vought to "observe" their children, while they get a break during the day.

Unfortunately, there were also kids who were abandoned by their parents altogether and lived in the lab full-time. They tended to be the ones that the scientists targeted for "special observation" since they didn't have anyone to complain to at home. These orphans were seen as lab rats and treated as such by almost everyone in the department, except for Violet, who saw them as kids that needed love and encouragement.

No one in her family really understood why she chose to work for Vought. She wasn't particularly fond of big corporations or supes, yet she ended up right in the heart of Vought's product - grooming the supes of tomorrow. When asked why she chose this career path, Violet would say that she was actually making the world a better place by teaching the young supes how to be better than their corrupt and conceited adult counterparts. "I'll destroy Vought from the inside," she used to joke.

The thought of her self-appointed mission being ruined by her callous coworkers intensified her panic. She wasn't sure how long she'd been out - it could've been months for all she knew.

"Speaking of work," she replied as casually as possible, "when do you think I'd be able to go back?"

"Honestly, it just depends on how fast you can regain your strength. All things considered - your vitals are looking good, but you do have a broken arm and some broken ribs. Not to say you can't work through that, but I think it'd be best to wait until you have recovered a little more. Plus, you've been bed-ridden for quite some time, so you're going to be a little wobbly on your feet."

Violet laughed, almost bitterly. "You'd think that working would be a walk in the park compared to surviving a plane crash - even with injuries."

"Working with kids can be hard enough as it is - working with supe kids, well that's an entirely different ballpark. We don't want you to get even more injured. Let's just give it a couple weeks and then we'll reassess."

Violet begrudgingly agreed, just to get him to leave, but she had every intention of getting back to her lab as soon as she could walk without her legs feeling like jelly.

All eyes were on Homelander - just the way he liked it - as he led a meeting of the Seven. With the truth revealed about Compound V, Vought's future may have seemed uncertain to the shareholders, but Homelander was going to convince his team that it was anything but. It was time Vought stopped pretending that it was anything other than a superhero company. It was time that the supes took back what was theirs.

Just as he was reaching the climax of his speech, savoring every rattled heartbeat in the room, Ashley barged in. Homelander's eyes immediately narrowed as he looked up to see who caused the interruption. "The Seven are having a very important meeting, Ashley," he gritted out, attempting to disguise his annoyance with a polite tone.

"I-I am so sorry, sir, but this is pretty big news," she stammered.

Realizing that he'd already lost his momentum, he sat at the head of the table and waved a dismissive hand - giving her permission to proceed.

"We found a survivor of Flight 37! And listen to this - she's one of our own Vought employees."

"What?!" Homelander and Maeve exclaimed simultaneously.

Maeve glanced nervously across the table and saw that Homelander's eyes had the faintest red tint. My God...he's going to kill her, she thought, horrified.

In the blink of an eye, any sign of murderous intent was gone as Homelander clapped his hands together and plastered on one of the fakest smiles she'd ever seen. "Wow - what a miracle. And you said she's a Vought employee?"

Ashley nodded. "She's actually part of a super top-secret division downstairs, so we're hoping for a speedy recovery. Apparently she's been in a coma this whole time and just woke up today! The PR team didn't want anyone to say anything about it until she actually woke up. Nothing more depressing than a comatose survivor not actually surviving. Naturally, they want you and Queen Maeve to do a little photo-op with the survivor, so make sure you pencil some time in this afternoon."

The last thing Maeve wanted was for Homelander to meet this survivor. If she was being honest with herself, she didn't really want to meet her either. The guilt she'd felt since that day had been gnawing away at her. To see someone who survived what must've been a horrific ordeal...she didn't know if she could handle that. But more importantly - she had to make sure that Homelander didn't get anywhere near this girl.

"Actually, Ashley, don't you think we should hold off a couple days? I mean - she just woke up from a coma for fucksake," Maeve said.

Starlight glanced at her fellow female comrade and wondered why her voice sounded so shaky when she made the suggestion. It didn't take her long to realize that, like most things, it had something to do with Homelander. "That's a good point," she chimed in. "I doubt any media outlets know about this, so we can make it 'breaking news' whenever we want. We shouldn't be bombarding her like this."

Ashley laughed nervously, twirling a strand of frayed hair around her finger as she looked at Homelander for direction. "You two are absolutely right," he replied after a tense moment of silence. "Shame on you, Ashley, for not thinking of that yourself. Let the poor girl readjust. Reschedule the photo-shoot for whenever she's less...mangled."

He smirked at the sound of Maeve's relieved sigh. Didn't she realize that she just made things much easier for him?

Unfortunately, the road to recovery was going to be long and boring. The suite she was staying in was probably worth more than ten of her apartments combined, but she couldn't enjoy a single luxurious feature because she was stuck in bed, albeit probably the comfiest bed she'd ever lied in, but you can only spend so long staring at a ceiling - or worse, watching any given movie in the Vought Cinematic Universe - before you start to lose your mind.

I wish I could remember more of what happened, she thought, slamming her fists into the cushy mattress in frustration. Of course she didn't want to relive the trauma, but her bored mind was plagued with morbid curiosity. She had tried forcing herself to remember, but she was only able to go back far enough to remember her last memory before the darkness settled in. She was telling her brother how excited she was to be going overseas for the first time. How nice it would be to get a break from America's supe-obsessed culture.

At the thought of her last memory, she felt more saddened than frustrated. Her phone had presumably been lost in the crash, so she didn't have any way of contacting anyone. She wondered if her parents or her brother had tried to reach her. Did they even know she was alive?

Before she could delve any deeper into the bottomless pit of missing memories and depressing thoughts, the door creaked open. It was darker now, and since none of the medical staff had checked in recently, the only thing lighting the room was the glow of the TV. She squinted into the darkness and could make out a tall figure standing by the door. She heard the lock click into place and saw a swish of fabric. A cape.

"Well, well, well if it isn't the sole survivor of Flight 37." Violet immediately recognized the voice - it was Homelander.

Once he was standing directly at her bedside, she inexplicably felt vulnerable in her current position, so she scrambled to get more upright, biting down hard on her lip as she fought through the excruciating pain.

He clicked his tongue disapprovingly and pushed her back down, using a little more force than necessary. "You're already injured enough," he said, reaching up to wipe the droplet of blood from her lip. "You shouldn't make things harder for yourself."

She laughed nervously and tried to move away from his touch, but he grabbed her chin, keeping her gaze on him as he towered over her. "I-I'm flattered that the leader of the Seven would come and see me, but I really should be getting some rest," she said, laying on the flattery as thick as she could possibly muster.

Homelander leaned down, keeping his hand securely on her chin and extending his arm for support so that his other hand was next to her head. His smile felt severely misplaced compared to the rest of his body language. "You're probably right, but there's just one tiny little thing I wanted to discuss with you."

Violet's mind was racing as she tried to guess his intentions. Did he feel guilty about not being able to make it to the plane in time? Was he curious how a mere human could survive a plane crash? Then, a darker thought entered her mind. Was he going to kill me?

It didn't make any sense. The thought of Homelander - the All-American hero - coming to kill a plane crash survivor seemed ludicrous. Until his eyes started to glow red.

"It is impressive that an ordinary human could have survived that crash, but a certain narrative has already been crafted, and I can't have you running that pretty little mouth," he said nonchalantly, as though he were talking about the weather...not his justification for killing her.

Tears started pouring down her cheeks as she struggled even harder to free herself from his grip. "What are you talking about?" she cried, "I don't remember anything from the flight! The last thing I remember before waking up here was talking to my brother - he was giving me a ride to the airport."

Once the tears started to collect on Homelander's hand, he released his grip and wiped his glove in disgust. The lasers burned a few seconds longer before his eyes returned to normal. A quick glance at her medical charts on the nearby table confirmed she was telling the truth.

"That's the last thing you remember - talking to your brother?" he asked conversationally - as if he wasn't just about to melt her head off her shoulders - while grabbing the marker by the medical chart and signing her casted arm.

"Yes...," she said, her voice trailing off as she watched him in confusion.

"Tell you what," he grinned, completely shifting demeanors as he put the finishing touches on his signature. "As long as you don't tell a single soul about this little meeting, then your brother will continue to live."

She stared up at him with wide disbelieving eyes. Her throat felt constricted, but she managed to agree to his terms. "W-what meeting?" she stuttered, managing to smirk.

Homelander chuckled, turning on his heel. "Atta girl."

Violet's synthetic smile dropped as soon as the door closed. It took everything inside of her to keep her breathing as level as possible until she felt confident enough that he wasn't in earshot anymore - but to be honest, she wasn't quite sure how far his super-hearing extended. She got so caught up in the technicalities that she didn't realize she'd been holding her breath altogether. This time she couldn't control it - a pained cry slipped past her lips as she exhaled.

While a part of her wanted to just curl into a ball and pretend that none of that happened, an even greater part of her knew that remembering what happened on that plane was the only way that she'd be able to understand why the fuck Homelander was about to kill her...and what secret he was trying to keep. There was definitely more to this story than what the doctors and media were saying.

About an hour after the ordeal, a nurse came in to do the last checkup for the day. Violet was relieved that her plastered smile and fake positivity were enough to speed up the evaluation and skip straight to the morphine and sweet dreams. You'd think that after spending so many weeks in the darkness, it would be difficult to go back, but Violet wanted the darkness right now. Maybe the key to her lost memories was somewhere in there.

As the nurse administered the drugs, she caught a glimpse of Violet's newly signed cast and gasped. "Wow, you got a special visit from Homelander?! Lucky you!"

Fortunately, Violet was rapidly losing consciousness, which spared her from having to fake her way through that conversation. The last thing she saw was the note Homelander wrote on her cast along with his signature and a drawing of a plane. YOU are the real hero.

Homelander walked down the hall with a noticeable pep in step after the rather surprising interaction with the Flight 37 survivor. Sometimes it still amazed him how easily things tended to work out in his favor. Someone survives a horrific plane crash and witnesses a rather unappealing side of him, but doesn't remember a single moment of it. Of course, he could have still killed her. There was nothing anyone could do to him. Vought would just sweep it under the rug like every other questionable situation he found himself in. But he felt almost relieved that it didn't come to that. He didn't know what it was about her - an ordinary human - but she intrigued him. So much so, that he found himself going to the Seven's meeting room to do a little digging.

In a matter of seconds, the large monitors in front of him displayed everything there was to know about Violet Clarke. Her school transcripts...birth certificate...social media accounts...and Vought employee records. This was of particular interest to him. Homelander had better things to do than spend time memorizing every division of Vought's massive enterprise, but he was surprised to find that he didn't recognize her division.

He learned that she worked in the lower level of the tower with children who were beginning to develop powers. Even though she wore a lab coat and looked almost identical to the doctors who tested and tormented him when he was a child, she was different. She didn't keep her distance. She didn't have a clipboard glued to her hands. She was in the room, with the children, interacting with them, playing with them, laughing with them. She seemed to genuinely care about them.

Homelander's vision became slightly blurred with tears as he found himself wondering what his life would've been like if he had someone like Violet Clarke looking out for him. If he had someone in his life who actually gave a shit about him. The wave of emotions kept washing over him as he thought about Ryan...all he wanted was to be a father, to show his son that he wasn't alone. But Butcher had to get in the way of that.

As he continued to watch the security footage of Violet, he realized that for the first time since he'd lost Ryan to Butcher, Homelander didn't care about that anymore. A bone-chilling grin spread across his face as a new plan formed in his mind. He was going to start over with Violet...and this time, he wasn't going to lose track of his baby or its mother, he'd make damn sure of that.

The coming weeks passed in grueling frustration as Violet failed to conjure up any memories from the flight. Thinking her best chance of remembering anything would be while she was asleep, she tried to focus her thoughts in the darkness, but the only thing she'd end up seeing was Homelander's red glowing eyes. Her days were riddled with anxiety, constantly wondering if Homelander was going to "visit" again, and boredom, which was an odd combination.

She desperately needed interaction with someone other than a doctor, but Vought wouldn't let her have any outside visitors. The feeling of being trapped was becoming more and more overwhelming. The next time the doctor came in, she decided to make some demands.

"And how are we doing today, Miss Clarke?"

"Hmm...where to begin? I can't sleep. Every time I try to walk myself to the bathroom, I fall over and add another bruise to my disturbingly large collection. I feel like I'm going crazy just staring at these four walls."

"I see," he nodded, making a note on his tablet. "Well I'm sure we can increase your physical therapy sessions with a focus on your legs. And a few wheelchair rides around the tower never hurt anyone." He finished with a chuckle. Violet didn't share in his humor.

"That's a good start, but I have a few other requests. I want someone to go to my apartment and get my cat. Animals are known to be good for healing - I mean, shit, think about how many emotional support dogs you see in people's shopping carts at the grocery store."

"I'm sure that won't be a problem."

"There's one more thing. I want a cell phone. My family needs to know that I'm okay, and something tells me that Vought hasn't made that announcement yet."

The doctor's smile faltered. "That might take some convincing. The PR team was very clear that they didn't want anything getting out until a public statement has been made."

"Well what are they waiting for? They can't expect me to recover like this."

"They're waiting on you...they want you to make the statement, but I guess Queen Maeve asked that they give you time to heal before shoving you in front of a camera."

Queen Maeve...she was with Homelander when they flew out to save the passengers. Why hasn't she shown up and threatened her? What was Homelander so afraid of? Violet wondered.

"So you're saying once I make this statement, I can contact my family?"

"That's my understanding. I know it might seem unfair, but use this to your advantage - use it as your motivation. It will help you get through this."

She already had some motivation - the burning desire to remember what the fuck happened on that flight - but she had to admit, this would definitely add a little more fuel to that fire, so to speak.

With that extra motivation, Violet immediately got to work that night - starting with a request for sleeping pills to help her get through the night without any nightmares. Then, she forced herself to endure an additional hour of physical therapy each day until she was finally able to walk with a cane, but it was undeniable progress.

The doctor was able to bring her cat to the suite, which proved to be the final key to helping her stay focused.

One Month Later

Once she was able to walk on her own without crutches or a cane, she was given the stamp of approval to return to work. For the first time in weeks, Violet finally got to wear something other than hospital gowns or sweatpants and tees. She couldn't fit her casted arm into her white lab coat, but she was more than willing to settle for a sleeveless business casual outfit. Excited to see a glimpse of her old self, Violet ran over to the mirror and stared at her reflection.

Her smile slowly began to falter as she caught sight of the visible stitches on her forehead and the scars on her hand. There wasn't much she could do about the cast, but these smaller imperfections bothered her. She was already running late and didn't want to keep the kids waiting, so she quickly brushed her hair so that the bangs fell just over the stitches and walked out the door for the first time by herself.

Despite the fact that every step down the long corridor toward the elevator felt slightly painful, Violet wasn't about to turn back. She had been waiting for this day for so long, and nothing was going to stop her. Violet leaned against the wall as the elevator dinged each time it came up a floor. When it did eventually reach her level, the doors opened, and Violet was greeted with an unpleasant sight. "There she is," Ashley grinned, tugging on Violet's non-casted arm and pulling her into the elevator.

Violet laughed apprehensively. "While I appreciate the greeting, Ashley, I think I can get to my office just fine by myself."

"I love that you are so excited to get back to work, but we just have one tiny detour on the way. Didn't anyone tell you about the press conference?"

"Press conference?" she asked, feeling her confidence waver. She knew it would have to happen eventually, but she was thrown off by the suddenness of it.

"Duh," Ashley replied condescendingly. "You survived a major tragedy...the media eats that shit up. Don't worry, it's just going to be a few questions, a few camera flashes, and you'll be done. Plus, Homelander and Queen Maeve will be there. They know how to handle these situations."

The color instantly drained from her face at the mention of Homelander's name. Even though she was able to overcome some physical hurdles, she was still very haunted by that night...the feeling of his bruising grip on her chin...the burning lasers aimed at her. He was the last person she wanted to see.

When the elevator doors opened to the main lobby, Violet could already see the massive crowd waiting for her outside the glass doors. It was definitely more than just the media out there. "Fuck," she muttered, dragging her feet as Ashley pulled her forward.

Homelander and Maeve were already waiting on the stairs, keeping the media wolves at bay by posing for some photos. Violet felt like her heart was going to beat straight out of her chest at the sight of all these people clamoring for a chance to speak with her. She locked eyes with Maeve, who gave an oddly sympathetic look, as if she somehow knew why Violet was so panicked. Violet didn't question it though - instead she took it as an invitation and stood by Maeve's side.

"Please tell me this won't last long," Violet groaned.

"Sorry - I was trying to postpone this for as long as I could, but the moment Ashley heard that you were up and walking, there wasn't much I could do," Maeve replied apologetically.

I still can't see why Maeve is being so sympathetic toward me...it's almost like she feels guilty. She has to know what happened...maybe I can get some answers from her, Violet thought, feeling a little more assured. She was about to ask, but froze the moment she felt someone's hand on her shoulder. It didn't take long to realize that Homelander had re-positioned himself so that Violet was now standing between the two supes. It was almost as if he knew what she was about to do.

"You seem nervous," he said, maintaining his constant smile and waving at the crowd.

"Of course I am," she said, speaking slowly to prevent any fearful quivers from seeping into her tone. "I thought today was going to be my first day at work, ya know where it's dark and quiet, but instead I'm outside for the first time in months and standing on a pedestal next to two members of the Seven with a bunch of reporters screaming questions at me that I don't have the answer to."

He chuckled, seeming to believe her. And why shouldn't he? What she said was true - it was part of what was making her look so uncomfortable. "Don't you worry, Violet. I'll take care of these cocksuckers."

At first, she believed that he was going to help her, but Violet quickly realized that this was just another opportunity to keep everyone's attention on him. Homelander tightened his hold on her shoulder, pulling her even closer to him. She felt as if she were being pushed into a concrete wall. The reporters fell silent once he raised his free arm, signaling that he was about to speak.

"Thank you all for coming today. The tragedy of Flight 37 is still very fresh in all our minds. So many great people were lost that day, but one person survived - Vought's very own Dr. Violet Clarke," he announced, pausing for applause. Reporters all wanted to know the answer to one simple question - how did you survive?

Violet nervously began taking steps away from the microphone. She didn't want to sound like an idiot in front of all these people. Homelander immediately swooped in.

"Unfortunately, Dr. Clarke suffered some short-term memory loss from the accident. She may not remember what happened or how she survived, but everyone at Vought is so thankful that she did survive - that some good could come from this senseless act of violence," he said, dramatically choking up about halfway through. "The guilt that Maeve and I feel for not being able to get to that plane in time is still very much present. Everyone knows why we weren't able to make it there, and the government is finally starting to wake up and do something about it, but that's not good enough for me - not good enough for you. You deserve better than that!"

Homelander looked down at Violet and grinned. From a distance, it might've looked like a sweet gesture, but up close - it felt downright predatory. The fact that he had naturally sharp canines didn't help. Everything he was saying was a lie, that much she knew. Something bad - worse than the crash itself - happened that day, and it had to do with Homelander. Yet here he was acting out this charade...promoting his anti-government agenda, rehashing the sympathy that he thought he deserved for failing his mission. She couldn't take it anymore.

"Violet, I know that no amount of apologies will ever make it right -," Homelander began.

Violet laughed bitterly, breaking free from his side-hug so that she could look him directly in the eye. "You don't have to apologize to me," she said, glad to have finally found her voice. She turned to face the audience, feeling empowered. "I am living proof that not all heroes wear capes. We are still capable of saving ourselves. I survived a plane crash - I can survive anything."

When the crowd's cheering grew with the intensity of Violet's speech, Homelander began to panic. This was supposed to be about him. He established physical control of the conversation by pulling Violet in front of him and placing his hands on her shoulders. He mimicked her mirthless laugh. "What about the people that weren't so lucky, hmm? Were they able to save themselves? Don't you think they would've stood a better chance if we had gotten there in time to save them?"

It took all of Maeve's willpower to not display any visible sign of guilt. She couldn't believe how he was so easily able to say these ironic words knowing that he was actually the one who caused their death.

Violet tried to wiggle out of his grip, but this time he wasn't letting go. She felt like she had talons digging into her shoulders. "But you didn't make it there in time," she said softly. Suddenly, she felt guilty...why did she deserve to live while so many others lost their lives?

"And we feel terrible about it," he reiterated, bringing back the crocodile tears. "But that's why I have to do right by you, Violet. In honor of all those beautiful souls we lost that day, I will not let you be in danger ever again, no sir. I will always be looking out for you - starting today. Vought has so kindly agreed to let you move into the suite you've been recovering in, free of charge!"

Violet tried not to overthink about what he had planned, but her mind couldn't help but wander, and none of the possibilities were remotely appealing. Nobody in the sea of flashing cameras and feverish journalists could tell - but her smile quickly became a terrified grimace.

A/N: please leave a review and let me know what you think! I was surprised that there weren't a ton of stories for The Boys on here, so I originally posted this over on Wattpad, but figured...might as well post it here too :)

Preview: in the next chapter, Violet is surprised to find out how serious Homelander was about what he said during the press conference. As she adjusts to her new lifestyle, she reaches out to her brother and has a very emotional conversation that gives her a little more insight into the aftermath of the plane crash.