Chapter VI
I want to tell you that…
We pulled up to my house. I got out, relieved to see that Charlie was gone (I didn't feel like having a cup of tea and sharing stories about how I was enjoying relaxing among the wildlife in La Push), and ran to my room to pack a few clean clothes.
When I got back to the car, to my surprise, Jake smiled.
"You really wouldn't have preferred to stay with the leech then?" he asked curiously.
"Black, don't provoke me! This really isn't the best time!" I was surprised by his question, but still mad at him at the same time.
"Bells, I'm serious."
"And what? If I say yes, will you screech away and, breaking traffic regulations, immediately deliver me back to Edward? Maybe it's actually better, in the current situation, for me to disappear from the reserve. Maybe it's not too late to surprise Volturi with a change of situation?" I shouted straight into his eyes.
"Jesus, Bells, I'm asking what YOU want."
"Let's make an agreement: you move on and don't talk to me again! I want to be there already."
"Where?" he asked dumbfounded.
"In your house, idiot!"
I didn't spare him a glance after this exchange of pleasantries, but I saw him smile triumphantly out of the corner of my eye. Jerk!
When we arrived home, Leah and Quil, who were about to start their daily patrol with Jacob, were waiting for us. Leah was very tense and was pacing restlessly back and forth in the clearing in front of the Black house.
Jacob, seeing her silhouette through the open car window, shouted. "Relax, everything's fine."
She was obviously worried about him.
Always looking at these strange relationships, I wondered what really connected them. She was older than Jacob, who seemed to respect her, as did everyone else in the group, probably due to her peculiar style. Leah treated everyone almost the same: with contempt, only he had some consideration for her.
Watching them from the side, I sometimes saw that maybe the time when Jacob couldn't get me out of Edward's arms reminded her so much of her own situation that it was their heartbreak that brought them together.
Leah's face brightened up a bit when she saw us, and the tension seemed to melt from her body. She felt relieved. She sat on the steps and waited for us to get off. Jacob put his hand on her shoulder and told her he would be ready in a minute, once he had a moment with Billy.
He entered the house and we were left alone as Quil followed Jacob.
I remembered my dreams perfectly, and I remembered her warnings, but at that moment I was completely indifferent to what she might do to me. I was so depressed and resigned after today's fight that I sat next to her. I would take any attempt to bite into my throat with relief at this point. I looked at her profile. She was beautiful, and in the light of the setting sun her perfect face looked almost unreal.
"What?" she growled.
"Why do you hate me?" I asked calmly. I was surprised that this question even crossed my mind.
"You're even wrong about that," she replied haughtily, and I, like everyone else in her company, felt like an idiot.
"What else?"
"You're so close to Jacob, he's at your fingertips, and yet you act like he's never been introduced to you. Do those to whom love is given never respect it?"
"I think I recently ruined everything that could have happened between me and Jacob," I said, still not believing the truth of this strange scene.
"NO." She - wolf replied shortly.
"NO?" No problem, the girl knew how to answer laconicly.
"NO." Leah repeated. "Swan, don't compare your world to what surrounds you here. Wolves' feelings cannot be simply suppressed. We have simple hearts in which there is little room for fear and a lot of love. Hmm... Well, I guess I shouldn't talk about feelings and relationships at all. This sphere of life will no longer concern me." She made a gesture as if she wanted to get up and leave.
"Stay" I instinctively grabbed her hand. She was burning up. "Leah, what if you meet someone you fall in love with? After all, you knew Sam before you became part of the pack, so you were never ingrained with him. So true love is probably still ahead of you."
"You do not know anything about me! Bella, nothing in my life is as it should be and no man has yet been born that I can simply imprint. And do you know why? Because the imprinting is for the transmission of life, and I am barren. I don't want to talk about it anymore." She was obviously angry at me for stepping too deep into her personal feelings.
We heard Jacob and Quil leaving the house. In a moment, the three of them were going to the forest.
Leah stood up and buried her black eyes in my face.
"Swan," she said forcefully. "Make sure no one dies because of your recklessness. First of all, yourself."
And she left, cold and aloof, as if our conversation had never happened.
The setting sun was already touching the tops of the tallest trees, and I was still sitting on the steps in front of the house, right where Leah had left me, thinking about our conversation. I was surprised that he was so familiar with my conflict with Jacob. She had some insight into his thoughts, although I know she was the only member of the pack who rarely used this gift. She has often said loudly that the only sensible person in the group is herself, which is why she does not intend to listen to the rest. She was so secretive that they weren't always able to sneak into her mind either.
Jacob was her opposite in that respect, and everyone laughed that he broadcast like a radio station about whatever was on his mind.
There, on the stairs, she talked about respecting feelings. In fact, as I made a deeper examination of conscience, I couldn't help but notice that lately I had been mainly occupied with experiencing my dilemmas, mourning my shattered illusions, and I hadn't thought much about Jacob's feelings.
Well, I got used to them being unchangeable. I guess it was my responsibility to change his behavior. He had had enough. How could I expect a hot-blooded teenager to approach my problems with the patience of a mature man? He had the right to rage, he had the right to punish me, reject me, be offended. He deserved the truth, but for him to hear it, I had to dare to start speaking.
Why didn't I do it while in his arms?
Everything was harder now, and if I could, I would turn back time to the moment when Jake reminded me of the existence of the sun. Right now it reminded me of the thick air just before the first flash of lightning. It sparked. I guess his emotions had no outlet anymore. He used to talk, sometimes even too much, joke, fool around... and now he was silent.
If these were indeed the last moments of my life, I wanted to spend them differently. Certainly not by remaining silent alone.
I made my decision. If Jacob won't talk to me, I'll talk to him! Even through a megaphone! With the last of my strength, reading, tidying up his room, making enough sandwiches to satisfy the appetite of all the pack members for the next week, I made it until 2 a.m., knowing that at that time there was a changing of the guard and he would probably go home to sleep. I was just about to leave the room and sit outside when we collided in the doorway.
"What about you? Are you sleepwalking now?"
"I was waiting for you," I said uncertainty. I wished I was bigger and wouldn't be able to stop him if he tried to back out.
"Is something keeping you awake at night?" he asked, rubbing his eyes.
"I want to talk to you."
"It sounds scary, but I'm sorry, Bells, I'm tired, hungry and dirty. Even if you personally scrub me, feed me and give me a relaxing massage, I'm afraid I'll fall asleep at the first word.Tomorrow ok?"
"Jacob Black! Your civility dictates that you listen to me. The woman is talking to you! Older woman!" I used a new argument.
Surprisingly, he laughed, which I took at face value.
"Ok, you disarmed me with this introduction." He chuckled. "Say what you wanted to say."
I supported myself with my hands akimbo, adopting a pose that was, in my opinion, dangerous.
"I want you to tell me why you're acting differently than before. Are you still mad about Edward?"
"You were supposed to speak, not me." He grabbed my words.
"Jake, for several days now I've had the impression that a UFO kidnapped you and gave me the dummy back! You're different!"
"Am I to understand that you were crazy about the previous Jake?" There was irony in the tone.
"Ha! I can't even talk to you normally!" This situation was beyond me.
"So maybe it's time to let go of the talk, eh?" He was getting tense again.
I felt it was now or never.
"Ok, it was supposed to be in a different setting, but if not, then no, I'm taking advantage of this rare opportunity when you haven't managed to discourage me enough to tell you…"
"That?" He was leaning against the kitchen counter and eating the top of the pyramid sandwich I had prepared for him with a dismissive look on his face.
"That I love you, you idiot!"
One could have expected choking, a wild outburst of joy, fireworks... But nothing like that happened. He swallowed, looking at me inquisitively, as if not quite believing that it was me and not a dream apparition.
He tilted his head, smiled shyly, whispering.
"Repeat this."
"I love you."
"Once again."
"I love you."
"Are you sure you know what you're talking about, and it's not the onset of mental illness, recent shock, or fatigue that is causing you?"
He joked.
"Jake...please. You probably knew that."
"I wanted it to be like that.
I cursed these words that had never been said so that they would finally have a sound. But… No, I didn't know." He smiled.
He smiled in a way I missed. Radiantly... It illuminated the dim kitchen. I don't know if my Jacob has returned or if he just visited his old self for a moment. However, I knew for sure, looking into his happy eyes, that it WAS WORTH the risk. Perhaps I expected assurances that he loved me too, that now everything would be fine between us, that tomorrow we would start a new day, different, because SURE of each other's feelings, that the thought had finally gained a body, that the world had different colors than a minute ago... but no.
He looked at me without saying a word, as if afraid to disturb this moment even by whispering. He watched and barely breathed, as if I could get scared by the slightest movement of air and fly away like a skittish butterfly. He stood and remained silent. And I was silent too.
After a while he broke it himself.
"And… won't I wake up in a moment?"
"You'll wake up in the morning if I let you sleep at all," I whispered. And I added playfully, "Jacob, you know we're home alone? Your father fishes with my father... So I guess you won't get enough sleep after all."
He laughed, took my hand and dragged me to the bathroom.
"So I had a good plan after all: eating, bathing and massage." However, on the way he stopped and took a few steps back.
"What are you doing?"
"There's so much food left…"
"Oh for real, not now!" I blocked the entrance to the kitchen with my arms. With a deft move, Jake slung me over his shoulder, rolled up another sandwich, and carried me back to the bathroom.
"You know what's best? That we don't have to rush," he murmured in a sensual voice.
The sensuality of young people who are insatiable with themselves is so impatient. She would like to burst into a new flame every now and then, burn herself to ashes and rekindle again. Now that nothing was stopping me from enjoying what Jacob was offering, it didn't raise any doubts or raise any difficult questions. I couldn't wait for him to stand naked in front of me and see how delicious he was... and mine.
I don't know where his self-control came from, because I had the impression that this time I was impatient and ready to immediately tear off his clothes, and if necessary, also myself.
He closed the door behind us, turned my back to it and faced him, and placed his hand on the doorframe, the other gently touching my hair. He looked at my face, lips, eyes, braided a strand of hair on his finger, teased me with his closeness and lack of hurry. I felt like a little girl next to him, I could drown in his manly arms.
I was excited by its scent, resinous as always, difficult to define, reminiscent of the sweetest of sins and the dark side of his nature. It stimulated the warmth of his skin, which I felt clearly despite the few centimeters of space separating our bodies and the fact that we were both wearing T-shirts. The look in his eyes was arousing as he looked at me with a burning look that promised pleasure. The very thought that I was about to be his was exciting.
He already knew my reactions, he was probably able to instinctively guess where to touch, with what intensity, to make me purr like a kitten under the warmth of his hand. He moved a few centimeters closer to me so that I moved back a little and leaned my back against the door. He reached for the buttons on my blouse and started unbuttoning them one by one, looking hungrily at my body.
I tightened my hand on his T-shirt and, looking into his sparkling eyes, I whispered.
"Jake."
"Are you impatient? I'm flattered." He narrowed his eyes playfully. "Patient, little girl, we have time till morning."
The blouse was already completely unbuttoned, he gently took it off one shoulder and then placed a kiss on my naked skin, eager for caresses. I couldn't wait to get out of these clothes, it felt like the fabric was starting to burn me. I dropped my blouse to the ground myself. I stood in front of him in shorts and underwear.
He looked at me, smiled and took off his T-shirt himself. As always, when I saw his body, I couldn't help but think that he was created to tempt. Perfectly proportioned, with smooth, dark skin, under which beautifully sculpted muscles stood out with every movement.
"Hell's secret weapon," I muttered, unable to stop myself from commenting. He laughed and placed his hand on my back to find the clasp of my bra.