Crowley's P.O.V.:
I bet you wanted to know what my hell loop was. It started with my fall from heaven, then I sped through time meeting Lucy over and over. I watched her drown during the great flood, be buried alive in rome, more deaths the black death, a fire during shakepearian times, decapitation during the french revolution, her transition in to a vampire then her terrible wedding day. I couldn't save her no matter what I did. I couldn't even talk to her for someone's sake.
Yes the angel she was to be a companion for was me. I did nothing wrong I just fell one day. It was only me hanging the stars it was lonely. So I asked god for a friend to talk to. She agreed to my request and gave me Lucy who was named Nichole at the time. The other angels didn't think much of her but she seemed excited about everything I showed her and about something god showed her called plants. She even shared what she knew about plants with me.
I wondered if when she watched the stars she thought about me. I was sad when I found her during the Civil War to find her scared of snakes. But she took great care of the crops. Her siblings were clueless. I also decided that no one would be good enough for her. I planted the idea in her oldest brother's mind after he fell of his horse. I did not regret it. Only one family was good enough for my friend. The family who took her in when she was lost at the age of six with no questions. I have met them before. I was pleased when she met Riley who was related to that family and her brother in law Graham who was also related to that family. She had me worried with some of her choices later in her life as Nina.
Anyway I have tried everything within my power to get out of this fucking hell loop. I had no guilt so I should have been able to walk out no problem. I also think Lucifer has no clue I was here. Maybe I should try to get his attention. But it was Lucy's birthday so I should try to find a way to see her.
Yes she is autistic. Aziraphale and I had her tested when she was 7. She info dumped to me often on her interest. There is was that one show when she was ten she watched with Aziraphale I can't remember the name of it though. But I do remember she told me that the characters would use mirrors to talk to each other when separated using magic. How would that work?
"Come on Athony think!" I thought. I didn't have my sunglasses to get a reflection but Lucy always was drawn to water. That might work but how would I be able to talk to her like that. Now all I needed was a miracle. This was going to be a big one but if I can talk to Lucy and Aziraphale again it will be worth it. I then knelt by the water when one if the many past versions of Lucy did and stuck my hand in it.
"Haec reflexio per tempus et spatium loquatur. Ad caelum vel infernum. Olim passcode et nomine dicuntur. Reflexio electi referat et vocare possit eos in plano vivo. Sit password mei non obliviscar." I mummbled and felt my energy go into the water. I did that a few more times leaving me drained I didn't think that Lucy wouldn't know Latin. Much like you reading this so I'll translate.
May this reflection speak through time and space. To heaven or hell. Once the passcode and a name are spoken. May the reflection of the one chosen speak back and be able to call those in the living plane. May the password be forget me not. That is what I said in English. I managed to send a note to Lucy before I passed out. The good thing was I fell backwards onto the grass.
I was out of it for a few hours only to find someone calling my name. I woke up to see my angel my Aziraphale reflected in the water. Thank fuck it worked. "Hi Angel. Where's Lucy?" I asked before he could ask me all the questions running through his head.
"Oh she's out with Muriel getting things for her period. But are you okay? When will we see you again? Are you trapped in heaven? Do I have to get you?" He started asking all the questions. Some of them I did not want to answer.
"I am fine for the most part. I don't know where I am so you can't get me. I hope to see you two again soon. Now fill me in on what has been going on with you and Lucy." I explained.
"Lucy was suspended from school for a month. By no fault of her own. I wasn't too hard on her. Your plants are doing well. Lucy talks to them. Her teacher is not understanding why we have her in the special education class. I do have other news it isn't good I'm afraid. Michael has gotten to Jasper Whitlock and the other two siblings are still unheard from." He explained to me before a door opened somewhere in the house.
"You have to go. Get Lucy to call me later and wish her a happy birthday for me. I love you both." I added before the call was dropped. That wasn't good Jasper and possibly Carmen and Peter Whitlock being under Michael's control. I just hope Aziraphale didn't do anything stupid since I left. Pulling Lucy out of self defence classes would be an example of something stupid.
I was pulled out of my thoughts by the loop starting over. Actually it started over a while ago since it was already at the french revolution again. I didn't know she was there I saved Aziraphale and by the time I found out it was too late. I was always too late. I didn't plan on going back to America after the Boston tea party. But I got a bit too invested in the civil war building up. I was all for the north winning by the way. Yes I know that was nice but come on Lucy was white passing a few times that were too close for comfort. I didn't want her to be a slave ever if the south won.
I also made sure that the north won as a favour for Aziraphale. Hell wanted the south to win but I wasn't feeling it. I was going to try to help Lucy out when she was going by Nina but she disappeared before I could make a difference. So I worked on the house she was working on before I had to move on. I didn't finish it but I ran into her a few times when Aziraphale and I had to do a few things and she just happened to be in the area. One of these times she was unsure about talking to Jesse so I made sure she did. I helped her when I could rebellion against her older brother yeah I helped her.
I removed the tracker from her beetle. Aziraphale didn't understand why I cared for a vampire hybrid. I never told him about my life before the fall. I was afraid he would want to find her and take her from her family. But we got lucky to be her parents this time. I need to get out of here and soon.
Lucy's P.O.V.:
Alright time skip till the next school year. My dad has been hiding things from me he isn't as good as he think he is when he needs to hide things. At least once a month I find his door locked and hear him talking to someone. I thought it was my daddy. I thought last school year was bad. This year there were three new teachers and they all belittled me. The new music teacher kept saying I was off key and playing the wrong notes. My new gym teacher would body shame me I was either too thinn or too fat, she would also say I was too slow, and I am not slow, but she would find any reason to punish me during team games. I get hit in the head with a ball goes unnoticed but I make a shot and she wasn't looking my team loses points just because and I get a penalty. Then the new librarian kept implying that I was stupid and should be reading children's books. I have tried to tell my dad about it but he told me I was over reacting.
I had to keep Nina and Anne back. Nina was thinking that violence was the answer and Anne was thinking about cursing them off. But they look like they hated hurting me. I showed up with a temporary tattoo one day of a snake making its way up my arm its tail wrapped around my pinky and the head was just before my elbow. Think of of the one my daddy had but mutch longer and bigger. My dad has a smaller version of this also temporary on his shoulder. But anyway I had gym that day and the teacher came in while I was getting changed. "See kids this is what happens when you come from a gay family you get tattoos and make bad choices." she said
"It is temporary. The anniversary of my daddy's death was last weekend so my dad and I drew these to remind us of him. My dad is many things but irresponsible is not one of them." I ranted while deciding not to do Gym that day. I tossed my shirt back on and made my way to Mazikeen's new class room to hide in the corner. Maze was now teaching Math.
"Ok so Nina has made 48 cookies, she leaves them alone. Zack comes by and takes 24 before walking away, Jesse then comes by and takes six to share with his girlfriend before leaving. The next person to take cookies was Alice she took two. The last person who came by who came and took cookies was Michael who took 14. What fraction did everyone take and how many cookies was Nina left with? Remember to simplify the fractions." Maze instructed her class. I did the problem just for fun. But I second guessed myself and didn't show my answer to her.
I left the paper there when I switched classes. That's when I found a note in my bag "go to a mirror and say forget me not followed by my name if you need to talk to me. All my love." I whispered the note that was once again signed with a snake. I started to believe that these were from my daddy so I thought I would skip music as well and spend it in an empty classroom that had a mirror.
I conveniently found the door unlocked. I locked the door behind me. I walked to the mirror. "Forget me not Anthony Crowley." I spoke into the mirror and felt a sharp tug at my stomach before the mirror's reflection changed to that of my daddy. My eyes started to water.
"Daddy? Daddy can you hear me?" I called and in the next second his wings were out and he made his way closer.
"Lucy? You look thinn are you okay ? Have you been eating enough? Pull up a chair and tell me all about it." He suggested. I grabbed the teacher's chair and rolled it over. I made myself comfortable in it. I then started unloading how bad this school year has been going. I also mentioned that dad was hiding things from me and how when I told him how this year was going he didn't believe me.
"Well I guess we found out what happened to the other two Whitlock siblings. They don't hate you Lucy someone messed with their minds they have no free will right now. The person who has control of them hates you. I don't know why. But can you do me a favour?" He explained and I nodded "Can you please tell Maze that I'm stuck in Hell or Lucifer?" He asked and I had an idea.
"She is on her prep right now I can call her classroom and you can explain what happened." I suggested.
"Wait are you skipping class? I'm so proud of you but angel will be mad." He replied.
"I skip Music now and Gym since the teachers make me feel bad."I explained.
"If it gets too bad you could smite them." He suggests. I looked surprised at that but confused. "He hasn't told you yet? Dang it Angel what have you been doing since I've been trapped here?" He asked.
I got to the phone and called Maze saying I have something to tell her. I wasn't pay attention to my daddy's ranting. I had to wait a few minutes before opening the door for Maze. But it wasn't Maze it was the librarian. "What are you doing in here aren't ya supposed to be in music or are ya just that dumb that you got lost and locked in here?" the librarian questioned me.
"I was getting Math help from Mrs. Smith we lost track of the time and she needed to use the restroom. Now let me go you are going to smudge my tattoo since it's only marker." I lied about my reason for being in the room. And once again had to hold Nina and Anne back. I was grateful when Maze did show up.
"Get lost Hamilton." She told him and he left slamming the door behind him. We both sighed while my daddy was still ranting. I dragged Maze to the mirror. She looked surprised to see my ranting daddy in the mirror.
"Anthony J. Crowley, where the fuck are you? Why haven't you found a new body yet?" She demand answers. I was confused about the new body thing.That was when Anne who changed her name again to Nico this time explained to Nina and me that angels to demons can just take over bodies and that was where some games got the puppet idea from.
"Because I can't I'm stuck in my own hell loop. The door is right in front of me and won't open as if locked from the outside. " My daddy explained and I flinched Nina remembered her own hell loop. She told me about it once. All things she couldn't change for the most part like Bella was destined to die that day but Charlotte didn't have to. She just called Alice back then things changed she sent Seth and Charlotte off together while she fought and ended up badly hurt. But everything ended up okay.
"Ok I'm coming to help you. Lucy go hang out with Muriel okay. We will continue your self-defense lessons when I get back no matter what Aziraphale says." She responded and I listed saying goodbye to my daddy before leaving the room only to be stopped by the gym teacher this time.
Nico was not in the mood but something told us that she heard the entire conversation. "I was going to get science help from miss. Willams and I got lost." I lied.
"Perry was right you really are dumb. " She respond at least it was the day before Halloween and I decided to be my daddy this year. I found out that there was a book and a show about my dads. I also found out that Lucifer had a comic series and a show as well. Lucifer laughed at how the comics portrayed him. And my dad was chuckling at the book about how he and my daddy stopped doomsday.
That day when I got home I pulled the rest of my costume together. Some of it was out of my daddy's closet and the rest from mine. I grabbed one of the body markers and the template of my daddy's tattoo that was the right size I made and used it to give myself the tattoo. I waited for it to dry before going to bed. The next morning I got ready for school. Going over the check list I made I got into the costume.
"Lucy that is a great costume. " My special education teacher told me. I thanked them before we went on with our day. We were going to the library at the end of the day. Was reading a history book when the librarian took it away.
"I was reading that mister Hamilton." I sighed out.
"With what brains? You can't see through those glasses anyway." He retorted and I felt my fist clench. I wasn't sure which part of me was ready to deck him. I was ready to cry, but both Nina and Nico were ready to punch him. So I went back to my teacher.
"Can I go back to the class room? I feel whelmed." I explained when I say I'm whelmed it means I'm over whelmed. It took the teacher a while to figure out what I meant. I went back to my class. I called my daddy again once I was left alone.
"Happy Halloween my dear. Angel said you were going to be me this year. You look lovely. But which teacher got you upset this time? " He asked me
"The librarian." I replied. We talked for a while then the rest of my class came back. My teacher then started thinking that I was getting anxiety. They wanted to talk to my dad. "Fine which one?" I asked.
"The one in the suit." The teacher sighed. I went home that day and handed my dad the note my teacher sent home .
"What is this?" he asked me looking at it.
"A note saying I need therapy." I replied. We agreed I didn't. I went back to the plants. We had a Halloween party with my dad's friends. There were the Morningstars, Rory and her parents Chloe and Lucifer. Muriel was also there I didn't know the others there. I just stuck with Rory until I had to go to bed.
"So Aziraphale are you going to ask Crowley to marry you once you see him again?" Lucifer asked. My dad got very quiet. Was he thinking about it? That was when another person points out they have been running around each other for years. I didn't pay attention to how long. I was tired so, I wished everyone good night. I had a shower to wash off the snake tattoos. I did get my ears pierced as a Christmas present last year. Then Rory showed me hot topic.
I fell in love with the store. She got me several sets of earrings. Some of them were snakes. The next day it stole my dad's bow tie and used it to hold my hair back. I went to school dessed casually. I decided that if the music teacher, the gym teacher or the librarian are going to ruin my day today then I should give them a reason to be mad at me. Two out of the three are easy.
Nina was going to take over in music. Nico was taking over in gym today and she wasn't going to listen to the teacher. She decided that we should do yoga even brought a mat for us to practice on with wireless headphones that she said she could make invisible. Nina was actively not going to participate in class and if forced pick things not school appropriate.
I went to class with hope that things will get better. Maze went to go help my daddy. Sorry calling Crowley daddy is making me feel childish so from now on I'll call him Pa. My Pa doesn't care if I cause a little trouble my dad however will. Nico had amnesia but she acts very similar to Pa as if she has hung around him before.
I went to music and sat by the door. Nina was already thinking of songs. But the teacher didn't care. Nico had her reasons for wanting to do yoga so we spent the class meditating. I was lonely at school. But I when I got my report card around chirstmas my music teacher and gym teacher faked concern about my lack of participation in class despite being present.
"Lucy what's going on I thought you didn't zone out any more?" My dad asked after seeing my grades in music and gym both used to my strongest classes now my weakest. I tried to tell him that they were picking on me again and let me get away with it but he wasn't having any of it.
"That's enough my dear girl you can go to bed without supper." he told me. I sighed and sat on my bed crying. Until I could see my Pa's reflection in my mirror. I grabbed the mirror and took it back to bed.
"Oh my dear you have been crying. I take it as Angel still doesn't believe that some of the teachers are making things hard for you. You probably want to sleep now ." He suggested and I nodded. That was when my dad walked in and took my mirror.
"Crowley she is in trouble you probably put her up to this skipping class or not participate business. She is not to talk to you until you get back." my dad demand that's when Nina got smart.
"Which part of us because I think he might be able to help Nico more than ya can." Nina retorted. I decided to take a walk and found a house in the woods. "I missed this place. We can stay here for the night and I can make us some food." Nina thought in our head who ever lived here monderized the place but we weren't complaining.
I pulled out some frozen fish and found some potatoes and carrots. Normally I don't like fish but Nina assured me that I would like this fish. She was right she normally was. She just had to remind me that we were one and the same. "Who's house is this?" I asked Nina
"My In-Laws. But ya would know 'em as the other two leaders of that scoutin' group we were in a few years back and Catherine's family. They got a fancy place two since Jesse married my old childhood friend Winnie Foster she had money still does. They don't mind me being here thought." Nina explained and Nico sighed in our shared head.
"Do you know where they keep the scissors ?" Nico asked
"what do you want to cut?" I responded worried.
"Just our hair." Nina giggled finding the scissors and making her way to the bathroom. The haircut was janky, messy and all in all sloppy. I don't know what they were trying to do it was a symmetrical the longest of my waved curls going just passed my right shoulder, I also kept the bangs to cover my face., and to top it all off Nina wanted to try layers. That's when my pa appeared in the mirror.
"What the fuck did you do to your hair?" he asked.
"I cut it. Now we are going to clean up and go to sleep." Nico responded for me. My pa looked surprised.
"Nichole wait after school tomorrow get your hair done properly at a hair dressers ok. It's messy. But just know that I talked to Aziraphale he wants you to go home." He sighed.
"Fine we will go home Pa. But what about school?" I asked while cleaning up my hair.
"I told angel that you have to learn magic two." He explained.
"Who is Nichole ?" I asked.
"That would be Nico a long, long time ago before I fell and before Nina, and you were around Lucy I was like her father in a way. As much as a father she need me to be it wasn't much of one. But I was there to listen to her when she got excited about the animals and plants. She would make stories to go with the pictures I did in the stars. She just liked making stories in general I remembered them all and used some of them while tempting some of Nina's and Aziraphale's favourite writers. God made it a game I would have to find her again. But I was always too late." He looked like he would cry. That would explain why Nico had no problem with calling Crowley our dad.
"But what about school? We both know that dad won't let me continue doing what I was doing." I pointed out. I finished cleaning up my hair before getting ready to head home. Things were going to well for me since I ran right into a demon. They tried to tempt me. But that was when Rory found me.
"Get away from her." Rory demanded. I ran to her as the demon knelt at the sight of her. I was scared and tired. She got me home after fixing my hair and explaining that Nina told her about the house in the woods that she used to hide in.
"Lucy, I'm so sorry. To all of you if Nina and Nico think something is wrong you listen to them. They are probably right they have been around for too long to not notice if things are being done on purpose. They survived out there while I hid away in my shop for too long. Nina is also right Nico needs to talk to Crowley. But we'll talk more tomorrow. Goodnight my Robin." My dad rushed it all out before kissing me on the head.
My dream that night was weird not a nightmare just weird. It was one of Nina's memories I think. "Oh I remember this day Peter was treating me like crap again and wouldn't let me go to the movies. So I just zoned out and let Nico take over." Nina explained before starting to rant about Peter.
"Yeah we were left alone but we were being watched by our pa in his snake form from a tree next to our window. I always knew when he was watching me like my guardian angel or in this case demon." Nico sighed as the girl in the memory grabbed her guitar and just started strumming. Nina then added that this was before her trip to meet Lucifer and that Nico never really talked to her so when when she zoned out Nico took over everything. Unlike now when I still have some control. The girl then turned to her what Nina called an iPod and started scrolling through her songs. After finding the one she was looking for she set it on a speaker. She started to play along with the song before starting to sing.
" Do you ever feel like breaking down? Do you ever feel out of place? Like somehow you just don't belong and no one understands you. Do you ever wanna run away? Do you lock yourself in your room? With the radio on, turned up so loud that no one hears you screaming.
No you don't know what it's like when nothing feels all right. You don't know what it's like to be like me... To be hurt, to feel lost. To be left out in the dark. To be kicked when you're down. To feel like you've been pushed around. To be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you. No you don't know what it's like... Welcome to my life.
Do you wanna be somebody else? Are you sick of feeling so left out? Are you desperate to find something more before your life is over? Are you stuck inside a world you hate? Are you sick of everyone around? With their big fake smiles and stupid lies while deep inside you're bleeding.
No you don't know what it's like when nothing feels all right. You don't know what it's like to be like me... To be hurt, to feel lost. To be left out in the dark. To be kicked when you're down. To feel like you've been pushed around. To be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you. No you don't know what it's like... Welcome to my life.
No one ever lied straight to your face. And no one ever stabbed you in the back. You might think I'm happy. But I'm not gonna be okay. Everybody always gave you what you wanted. You never had to work. It was always there.
You don't know what it's like. What it's like... To be hurt, to feel lost. To be left out in the dark. To be kicked when you're down. To feel like you've been pushed around. To be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you. No you don't know what it's like... What it's like...
To be hurt, to feel lost. To be left out in the dark. To be kicked when you're down. To feel like you've been pushed around. To be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you. No you don't know what it's like... Welcome to my life. Welcome to my life. Welcome to my life." The girl finished the song. But it wasn't just a girl I remembered that it was Nina but Nico was the one singing. That is when the snake turned into our pa and started throwing rocks at the window.
Nina opened it. "Nice sssong Welcome to my life by sssimple plan was it? Alwaysss wass more of a queen fan myself. Sssso you want to get away for a while? Could I tempt you to go to lunch with me. My treat and you can tell me all about your problemsss. I'll even let you drive. I don't let just anyone drive my car." He smiled at us Nico seemed nervous at first but Nina went outside leaving a note for someone.
The scenes few by but our pa seemed to be there when Nina needed help. When she was in Australia there was a house already bought and furnished for her and a car , when she was unsure about talking to one of my old scout leaders he made sure it happened, and the list went on.
"Those aren't any of our memories. They must be his because if it was ours we wouldn't be seeing ourselves." Nina pointed out. I really hate it when she was right. But I woke up and noticed that I was holding the mirror again. Did I just do magic accidentally.