Chapter 22

"Were you here on the last trip?" I ask Kata on the seventh day, when he's finally ran out of fresh gossip, and we've been walking in silence for an hour. I've been hesitant to ask, since clearly no one wanted to talk about their encounters with Bryaxis.

"I was", he admits after a while. "And I don't want to talk about it."

"There's something that Kata the great gossipmonger doesn't want to talk about? I am shocked." My tone is teasing, but not pushy. He could remain silent if he wanted, and I would never mention this topic again.

"Would you care to share your most painful nightmares? The ones that make you think that never sleeping again sounds like a good option?" He sounds tired, so unlike his usual cheerful chatter.

"Why did you return?" It was what intrigued me the most. Why had any of them come back, if the experience was so horrible that none of them wanted to speak of it ever again.

"For hope", he smiles, putting on a brave face. "For the wish that it'll never cross our path again, and we may continue living as we always have. Painful things hurt, yes, and sad things are never truly forgotten, but they fade. Like great mountains reduced into grains in these vast dunes, they fade." Before I could answer, Kata took a deep breath, and his usual self was back. "And I need the money, of course. Who would take care of these drooling sweethearts if I don't?"

I wouldn't call his camels sweethearts, but I still laughed, clearing the last cloud of seriousness and sad memories that hung above us. I had tried riding a camel when I was offered the opportunity. True, the funny looking creatures unnerved me a little, but I'd been horseback riding before, so I'd said yes. But the swaying of those slow, deliberate steps had made me nauseous in a way that even the storm at sea hadn't managed. So, I'd gotten down after only fifteen minutes, and decided that walking was far better option.

Besides, at least walking gave me something other to do than stare at the monotone scenery.

…

"Don't some birds bathe in sand? Why is this so annoying?" I complain once again as we set camp on the same evening. Well, at least we were already at the halfway point.

"It is called dust bathing, and they preen the sand off afterwards. I could brush your wings for you", Jonah offers, rummaging through his bag.

"You have a brush for that? Wait no, I'm not allowing it", I decline quickly when he reaches for he rises a brush he seriously had in his bag. Kata had been speculating enough about our relationship to annoy the living hell out of me and I wasn't mentally ready to let Jonah to freely touch the sensitive parts of my wings.

"I bought one since I thought you might need it. But maybe a kiss –"

"You know full well a kiss is not an option when we both have sand in our mouths already. And no, it would not make me feel better." Well, it definitely could make me feel better, but I wasn't about to admit that.

"Right. I can't wait to bathe together after this trip", he says, bringing forth memories I've tried to forget. Or at least tried not to think about when he was just a wing's spread away. His expression changes. "What are you thinking?"

"Stop smelling me", I retort and regret it immediately. But there is no response, no teasing remark. I take the chance and turn to look at Jonah, but he's already walking away, the gentle night wind trying to blow his scent away. And I say trying, because it finally clicks.

The scent.

His scent, to be precise.

Could it be?

It could, right? I mean, at every single point of characters mating in these books, didn't the males let out a spicier, darker scent? And Jonah, who usually smelled like northern sunlight, had lately smelled more like the hot nights of Bharat. Of spices, heat, and mysteries. And something a little dangerous, something one might get addicted to.

The truth settled in me like that first storm in Velaris. Like I'd had already known it for a long time. Something a little scary, a little uncertain. But something I was ready to face and take responsibility for. Or wanted to try, at least.

"Did you two have a lover's quarrel or why is the grumpy one running away?" Kata asks, having finished setting up his tent and apparently sensing a good gossip.

"Something like that." I shrug, and run after Jonah.

I had no idea what I would say. But it all made sense now. All that shameless flirting and touching and teasing. Being aggressive and protective in every new situation, despite trying to play it cool. But I had always assumed that it was simply the way these fae males behaved. Like territorial idiots around everyone they considered part of their group or family or whatever. How long had he known? There was nothing I could grab on, since he had been friendly from the beginning.

It couldn't be, right?

He was nowhere to be seen on ground, so I raised my gaze towards the endless sky. Stars were exhaustingly beautiful out here. Sure, I'd stared at the stars for many long nights at the ship, but it was somehow different here. Like after the burning hours of the day, the universe gathered closer, whispering secrets no one could hope to understand. Maybe the sea had such a presence that it drowned out the stars.

Finally, I spotted a shadow moving against the stars – something I could credit back to all those hours on watch. I took to air and tried to keep Jonah in sight. It was hard, since he seemed set on avoiding me until his mood or whatever passed. But a week of flying had gotten me back on track, and I finally reached him. Or more like; he let me catch up to him.

"Why are you running?" I asked in a teasing manner. Not sure how else I was supposed to start this particular conversation.

"To give you space", he answered, more seriously than I had anticipated.

"How long have you known?" The question bubbled out before I could stop it.

"Known what?" He slows down to look me in the eyes.

"You said you love me", I try. And don't even stumble on the L-word. Good job me.

"I do. And?"

"Are you –", I bite my lip, the word suddenly too big for my throat. I can't just utter the word mate after a silly love confession and some guesswork based on how my travel companion smells, for heaven's sake. I am just about ready to chicken out, to turn around and pretend this conversation never happened.

"Am I what?" He asks, coming to a complete halt. His eyes are almost pleading, and it makes me pause. I was used to him teasing me, used to him making silly puppy eyes towards me. But this was a full-grown male right here begging for me to utter the right words. Like my next sentence would either grumble or forge him anew.

And I knew. Deep down, I knew.

But I still needed one more confirmation. One more truth to anchor my response. So, I hovered closer. Jonah grabbed my waist automatically when I got close enough, and I closed my wings. Let him carry us both. Trusting him was that easy.

"Vala", my name was nothing more than a growl from his lips, as I pressed my nose to his neck and took a deep breath.

Dark spices washing over sunlight greeted me, drowning even the smell of sweat and sand.

"You are my mate", I whispered, hoping it was audible enough with my lips so close to his ear.

"Yes." His grip tightened, and we dropped for a short while before his wings were moving again. "Yes. Can I kiss you now?"

"I still have sand in my mouth", I protested, but his scent was growing exponentially stronger, and it was making me weak at the knees. Good thing I wasn't the one keeping us airborne.

"Then how am I supposed to claim you?" His teeth graze my ear, making me shudder. Somehow, this was a Jonah I didn't know, but recognized nonetheless. The want in his voice, in his scent, made me a little scared and… excited?

"Down puppy", I tried, as if that would work.

"Make me", he growls softly, making another shudder go through my spine.

And I have no idea what takes over me, but I squeeze his juicy ass. I had tried not to stare at it for so long, and since kissing was indeed not high on my to-do list with sand in unimaginable places. So, obviously I had to go with the second-best option.

And lo and behold, we are on terra firma in record time.

"That was so unfair", Jonah complains and lays his hands on my ass, feeling it out. A giggle escapes my lips, a hint of panic in my voice.

"Are we both stupid or what?"

"Stupidly in love", he leans against me, hands roaming around my body, nose pressed against my neck. And something else pressed against my stomach.

"That is something you need to take care of privately", I gasp, trying to get enough air into my lungs. How was breathing supposed to happen again?

"I will. Later." His hands kept moving and I was getting a little too turned on for my own comfort. So, when his hands finally found bare skin at my waist, I called it quits.

"I need to be at dinner."

"I need you for dinner."

"Jonah." I had no idea whether I was begging him to let go or to take me then and there – even if I definitely wasn't mentally ready for that level of physical contact. Good thing I didn't need to be the one to make that distinction. Jonah reluctantly let go and sighed.

"This will be the longest week of my life", he muttered, and left, much to my surprise. Hopefully to take care of… that. Since I didn't want to think about it later.

Kata teased me with knowing looks and kept requesting for steamy romance stories. I wasn't in the mood to play along, so I told all of Amren's favourites instead. None of them would sleep tonight. Which would hopefully keep my hands in check.

Jonah never joined us, and when Igni finally says it is time to rest, I head to our tent, fully expecting to find it empty. But Jonah is in there, building a nest out of our bedrolls.

"How close is next to you?" He asks, despite the setting making it very clear how close he would like me to be. How close he needed me to be.

"I allow hugging if you don't get funny ideas." Sleeping would be near impossible anyway.

"Then I'll take that", he smiles, patting the space next to him. "Make yourself comfortable."

"Don't mind if I do", I mutter and lay down. I knew I smelled like sweat, but so did he and he wouldn't comment on it. In all honesty, after a hot day I wanted nothing more than to enjoy the fresher night air alone. But depriving him of all skin contact at this point would be pure torture.

Which is why I snuggled close to his chest, much like at the ship that one time, and let him wrap his arms around me. We breathed out at the same time, and to me, it felt like coming home. Like this journey was finally over and I could take all the rest I needed.

"How long have you known?" I ask quietly. It must have been a while, since the L-word rolled so easily from his tongue.

"A while", he admits, pondering. "I was sure when you fell in the sea. But I suspected it long before that. When I warmed you up at my cabin, it –"

"Wait. Since the very beginning?"

"If we cut out the first fifteen seconds then, yes. Since the beginning." I snort at the memory of him holding a knife at me. The only time he had been threatening towards me. And even back then I hadn't been afraid. More like relief had washed over me when I realized I might not die that day.

His tone is teasing, and he sounds like usual, but the truth of it –

"A year? You've been pining after me for almost a year?" I can't believe it.

"You make it sound like I was suffering greatly, but no. As I said, I wasn't sure before the ship and the storm. But I did genuinely like you long before that. And seriously, I wasn't even too discreet about my feelings, especially after the storm." Every time he mentions the storm his voice thickens a little and I can tell it's still hard to talk about it, the feelings too raw. About the realization he went through. What he was about to lose. Just the thought of it, how his voice sounded when he screamed my name, makes me shudder.

"How chivalric of you to let me take my time."

"Right? I might not be a knight in shining armor, but the leathers are a nice bonus – even if I say so myself." His voice is teasing again, breath brushing against the top of my head.

"Agreed. But what happened at your cabin? I was unconscious."

"Ah, guess I never told this. You were freezing, not even shivering anymore. So, I lit the fire and laid next to you for an hour so. No unnecessary touching, I swear by my honour. But even back then, your scent felt nostalgic to me, and I wanted to know more. Like what was your name. And where you were from. And why did your wings look like that. And why you had been naked in that forest. Stuff like that."

"You know my name now." I say, still trying to wrap my head around this whole situation.

"I know your name", he whispers it to my ear, over and over until I start feeling embarrassed.

"You know where I'm from", I continue, just to make him stop.

"Well, I've heard where you're from and it sounds like an amazing yet awful place."

"Can't argue with that, but even I amnot sure why my wings look like this. Or why I was naked that time. Unless – ", the old thought surfaces again and I fall quiet. Unless I really died in my previous life and was born anew during Starfall.

"Those two do not really matter anymore. Since all I care about is that it was you who I met in that forest below Steppes."

"And I'm glad to be here." That might have been the truest truth I had ever uttered. Because despite everything; the uncertainty of how I ended up here, how I came to be a Storykeeper, despite nearly dying several times and having no idea what to do with today's realization – I was glad to lay here. Sand inside my clothes, lips dry and nearly broken, I was glad to be here, next to him, those familiar arms around my waist.

Jonah presses a soft kiss on my forehead. "Sleep well, little bird."