Author's Note: I've had this story in the notes app on my phone gathering dust and begging to be finished for an embarrassingly long time. I wrote most of it in one setting back in 2022 but just couldn't quite find a good way to end it. And then an ending suddenly came to me last night.

The inspiration for this oneshot came from this very lovely tumbler post: https/fenway03./post/95013734275/baby-what-baby-rizzoli-isles-5x01-5x09/amp

"What about the baby?"

"I'm so sorry Jane."

The words echoed in Jane's mind as she stared tearfully at the sonogram in her hands, her thumbs rubbing the bottom corners of it. She was sitting alone in Maura's guest bedroom. Her back was against the headboard and her legs were stretched out, her ankles crossed. Now that she was alone, that traumatic afternoon was replaying in her head for what seemed like the thousandth time. There was so much she had done wrong that day. For starters, she should have stepped out of the abandoned building first, not Tasha. They were taught in the academy to always protect their suspect or prisoner as long as they were in their custody. Tasha wouldn't have gotten hurt had she followed that rule like she always did before. Second, she shouldn't have left her gun by the door. The killer could have grabbed it, which would have given him more advantage over them. And she shouldn't have taken him down the way she did. Certainly she could have found a safer way to take him down. Had she remembered to grab her gun, he very likely would be dead by now instead of in jail and she would still be pregnant and at work and not staying at her best friend's house. Maura said she could stay as long as she needed to and Jane was grateful because she didn't want to be alone right now. Though she didn't want to be around a bunch of people either. It had been fine earlier. At first she was disappointed that Ma, Frankie, and Korsak had come by. It had taken a little bit for her to get into the joyful mood. Maura had noticed her quiet demeanor but gave Jane space. In the end, she had had a little fun, and that was all that mattered. They all needed that fun evening. Once they left, Jane and Maura went their separate ways to get ready for bed. The house was so quiet that Jane could hear her best friend still doing her night routine. She had watched her do it before and simply remembering it was leaving her even more tired than she already was. She applauded Maura for staying faithful to the routine. Hers was much simpler in comparison.

Jane set the sonogram in her lap. She didn't have to physically look at it to know what it looked like. She had stared at it for hours ever since she had received it several weeks ago. It helped the realization that she was pregnant really sink in. Was. She had used the word several hundred times in her line of work and it never bothered her before. Now it did. Just thinking about saying the word tasted bitter on her tongue. Ma reassured her at the hospital that everything was going to be okay, but it didn't feel like it right now. First Casey, then Frost, now this. It seemed like the most stable thing in her life right now was her work and she couldn't even do that. She felt like everything was being taken from her and she was unable to stop it. A cliché saying, but very true.

A soft knock on the door pulled her from her thoughts.

"Jane?"

"Come in."

She groaned internally at her shaky voice. Even her facade was slipping from her. At least it would be in front of Maura. She was the only one Jane was comfortable enough around to let her guard down.

Maura shut the door behind her before taking a good look at Jane. The usual strong, stubborn, independent, sarcastic woman she knew was not the woman who sat before her. Seeing Jane so vulnerable was such a rare sight that Maura could count on her fingers the amount of times she had seen Jane like this. She climbed on the bed and sat close beside her, their legs touching as she sat in the same position as Jane.

"Will you….stay, tonight? With me?"

Jane spoke so softly that Maura thought for a moment she had imagined her speaking.

"Of course."

Maura reached over and took Jane's hand, her thumb brushing over the scar on her palm. She remembered a time when the scars were much more pronounced and how much they used to bother Jane, especially during the wintertime or whenever it was supposed to rain. She also remembered the first time they sat similar to this. Hoyt and his latest apprentice were after her. It was the only time she ever remembered Jane Rizzoli admitting that she was terrified.

The brunette looked down at their hands and laid her other one on top of Maura's, her long, slender fingers stroking the back of her hand and between each of Maura's knuckles. Maura's hands, much like everything else she owned, were incredibly soft. She'd go as far as to argue they were softer than silk. They were delicate, too. A requirement in her line of work. And they were strong. And safe. Maura Isles's hands made her feel safe.

"Will things ever be normal again?" Jane asked quietly.

"No. Not the normal we were accustomed to. We have to find a new normal."

"I'm tired of finding new normals," Jane sighed, her voice breaking.

She avoided her best friend's gaze, though it wasn't filled with judgment or disappointment. No, Jane knew the gaze was soft and caring and loving because that's how Maura was. She never judged her. But if Jane looked at her, she would break down. And she was desperately trying to keep hold of what little facade she had left. A facade that cracked away the moment Maura wrapped her arms around her. Jane's chin quivered against the fabric covering Maura's shoulder before the sobs started, her body trembling with each sob she let out. Maura rubbed her back in a soothing pattern. She had never been good at giving or receiving comfort. Being an only child who never asked for much would do that to you. But since knowing the Rizzoli family, since knowing Jane, she had gotten better at it. She learned that sometimes the best way to comfort someone was to hug them and let them have a good cry on your shoulder. She discovered that she was the only person Jane let herself do this with. If Angela was giving her a hug when she was on the verge of tears, she'd accept the embrace for a moment and then move away to cry alone or at a distance.

"Sorry about your fancy shirt," Jane mumbled when her sobs dissipated into hiccups.

Maura's lips curled into a small smile. Leave it to Jane to say something about her clothes, no matter what emotional state she was in.

"It's okay."

Maura's soothing back rub was finally showing its effects on her. The detective was comfortably snuggled against her, only getting heavier as sleep attempted to drag her under. But Jane wasn't giving in. She stifled a yawn against Maura's collarbone. Maura recognized the signs of impending sleep and readjusted them into a more comfortable position. The final result was her laying on her back with Jane's head on her chest, her nose touching her chin. The hand on Jane's back made its way to her hair, her fingers slowly combing their way through the mane of hair. Maura even twirled a couple of pieces of Jane's hair between her fingers. She remembered teasing her a couple of years ago for doing it since it was a sign of sexual frustration. But actually it was kind of soothing. Jane's body gradually melted against her as sleep took over.

They had shared beds together for years and had fallen asleep in intimate positions like this countless times. But this time felt different. Everything was changing. They were changing. Not knowing how different they would be on the other side of that tunnel of change was scary to Maura. She was used to having the answers, used to being the smartest person in the room. Being as clueless as the people around her was new and terrifying to her. But she and Jane had endured change before and made it through. This time would be no different. They would approach it like they always did: one day at a time.