A successful personal mission complete, and things slow down for a bit... or do they?
xXx
Sephiroth and Kunsel had agreed that meeting at his office would be too suspicious, seeing as the former had already sought the latter out earlier. The commissary had been the ideal strategic location to casually 'accidentally run into each other' as Sephiroth could pass through it to reach his office.
He knew their plan had worked well, shockingly well, and that there had been minor complications at worst. The SOLDIER First still felt some lingering tension leave his shoulders when he saw the younger man in the commissary, helmet in place as he leaned against a wall looking out over Midgar. Well, either it was him, or someone else with the same height and build had that same materia set up in their bracer that they'd agreed on earlier.
"SOLDIER?" Sephiroth queried as he came up to the man. He had many questions he wanted to ask, but a single glance at the Second had him change his mind. The plan had ultimately worked and seeking details concerning Kunsel's skills, abilities, and talents were unimportant for the time being. It would be best not to push anything when what little he could see of the younger teen's face looked distinctly green.
Kunsel started a little and whipped around to face Sephiroth. Then he deflated in relief.
"Right," he said, holding out a clipboard with some papers, a small external hard drive visible under the clip. Sephiroth accepted the board with the same hand he held the mission papers in, regretting not grabbing a folder from the mess of Hollander's office (even if taking anything could have been suspect) when they flopped limply. Then he reached into his pocket for a pen as well as the hacking drive and the earpiece he'd removed while en route. A glance at the form showed it was boring placeholder text with a few random line breaks and check boxes. It was a simple and fast way to subtly exchange the hardware. He checked a few of the boxes, and returned everything but his own drive and the pen back.
Trade complete, they stood for a couple of seconds in silence. He felt the need to try and reassure the younger SOLDIER, but didn't quite know how. What would Angeal do?
"Do you need some time off?" Sephiroth found himself asking awkwardly. That sounded like something his friend would say.
Kunsel snorted. "If I leave now, I don't think I'll come back." The boy likely had his jammer on if he was willing to say something like that.
Sephiroth did not wince. The SOLDIER First had far too much discipline to fidget, but he did pause to think through the potential consequences of that statement and could not deny how it made him uncomfortable. Worse still, he couldn't disagree with the man.
"If… you do decide to take a… more indefinite leave of absence, please talk to myself or Zachary first. You… may not be the only one."
And, jammer or not, even that was probably saying too much. Judging from the way Kunsel's mouth dropped a little, he knew it too.
Before things could get any more awkward (or treasonous), the Silver General turned and walked towards the elevator, leaving a gaping SOLDIER Second behind him.
He managed to catch an elevator as another SOLDIER got off, saving himself from having Kunsel stare after him further. Or, from imagining such, as when he turned to press the floor number the Second was no longer in sight. Intelligent boy.
He tried to think more on the youth and his potential as the elevator rose, but his thoughts kept drifting to what he now finally possessed. He found that a little strange as he normally didn't switch thought processes so quickly. He really should review the infiltration 'mission' again, just to make sure they hadn't missed anything, but couldn't seem to make himself focus on it. Actually, he realized not seconds after the elevator had begun to rise that he had started to impatiently tap one finger against the printouts (so much for not fidgeting) and had to force himself to remain calm. By the time the elevator stopped and opened for his exit, he was in the middle of a simple breathing exercise in an attempt to focus.
The harsh smell of industrial cleanser juxtaposing the sulfur-like scent of heavily-processed mako laced with the underlying smell of waxy plastic from the fake plants in the corners, dust and sweat and the faint whiff of an air-freshener from the nearest bathroom; all of this tickled Sephiroth's nose as he began to hurry down the hall. He had been used to the familiar reek for over a decade now – but it seemed particularly pronounced right then. So did the loud clacking of his feet on the polished tile floor as it echoed down the halls, mixing with the harsh taps of other shoes meeting the shiny surface as a few people hurried about their business. He could usually listen in on conversations dozens of feet away if he concentrated.
But at that moment, he couldn't. For once in his very structured life, he could only think of the game they would be playing in less than an hour, and the hard-drive in his coat pocket. Would they get more answers or more questions? Because he was rather sick of the latter and would greatly appreciate more of the former.
Ever since the first night that they had put that first disk into the game station, he'd felt so lost... and he hated it. Which was why he couldn't seem to think of anything else, he supposed. He kept trying to force his mind onto other things, such as his surroundings, but it just kept drifting back.
Sephiroth wasn't an impatient man. If he were, he would never be in the coveted position of the foremost SOLDIER… and yet, he began to feel an old urge to just do it grow deep in his chest. It wasn't large or pronounced, but seemed all the more insistent for it – like a sleepy, half-formed idea poking him into taking a look. Just one look at one file – about Lucrecia. That couldn't hurt, right? He wanted to know if she was really his biological mother- that he wasn't grown in some test tube somewhere by Hojo and his sick mind.
He just wanted to belong to someone who wouldn't use or hurt him. He always had. It was a childish need, one he thought he'd outgrown years ago.
His fingers itched to find a computer and begin going over the information… but he'd promised Genesis and Angeal. And even Zack. Besides, the image of a stylized face, patterned after him, turning away into the flames of a burning village stopped him from giving into his desires.
He couldn't look. Not without at least one other SOLDIER First there. Even if he would never actually do what the game predicted...
But he desperately wanted to look. So much it almost hurt...
Which... made no sense.
When he'd first had the thought in the elevator, he'd simply been eager… but that feeling had grown. It had initially just been a little spark of an urge, but then the spark had caught and now burned inside of him as if someone had stoked a fire.
He'd always craved knowledge. Not like Hojo, looking for ways to break natural laws, but more as a survival skill. It had become rather necessary with his upbringing to figure everything out: the people around him, the lab, the monsters, the materia… and that had never truly gone away either – his desire to uncover the truth…
But what would he find? He was pretty sure he knew, and it wasn't pretty. But suspecting to a point of believing and outright knowing are two different things… And what would it do to him? Nothing good. He had a temper he kept in check very harshly because monuments and cliff faces and mountains tended to get destroyed when he didn't…
And why could he suddenly see himself actually doing what the game had claimed?
Sephiroth wasn't used to feeling fear, but at that moment, the conscious realization and corresponding idea horrified him in an overwhelming wave of nausea that nearly made him physically ill.
And yet, even the sudden nausea didn't quench his desire to know where he'd come from, who his mother really was, and just what had been done to him. Was he justified in being so angry at the company? At the President? At Hollander and… Hojo?
Was that why he wanted to know? Validation? Vindication? What would knowing change? Anything at all? He doubted it. Not with how they'd been discussing treason and deserting recently…
So… why? Why had this want-to-know grown into a hungry need bordering on obsession?
He gradually slowed his rushed pace, finally and intentionally coming to a complete stop to better help focus. Sephiroth closed his eyes and really thought about it, which was likely the only reason he felt it – weak, and distant, but distinct. A puzzling tug… an encouragement… a desire… that wasn't entirely his…
But it was there.
And it resonated in his soul… like a siren's song.
Come…
Mine...
Reunion...
His eyes snapped open and he had to take a physical step back. All the burning desire he'd felt just moments before evaporated in a jolt of outright terror and before he could think about it, he found himself fleeing to the bathroom, only able to make it to a sink before he leaned over and threw up.
The world seemed to blacken around him for a moment and he had to consciously force himself to breathe steadily. He didn't know how long he stood there, or who else saw him, but eventually he looked up at his face in the mirror, catching sight of his eyes wide with tension, and pupils constricted to a slit so thin they were nearly invisible in the normal glow of mako green...
What… had that been?
Did he want to know? At that point, he wasn't sure at all.
His whole body shook and he recalled distant memories of similar tremors and sensations when he'd been a youth. He wasn't sure if his normal methods of coping would work, but he attempted to regulate his breathing into a steady deep rhythm.
The papers he'd taken from Hollander were still clutched to his chest, so he took off the glove on his other hand and cleaned the sink as best he could, ignoring anyone else who came in. Then he wiped his lips off, cupped his hand under the tap and washed his mouth out before taking a sip of water to try and banish the vile taste of half-digested food and stomach acid from his mouth (with only marginal success).
Then, as he strode out of the bathroom, he sent out a text to Angeal and Genesis, asking them to stop by his office as their earliest convenience because he needed their opinion. He almost wanted to ask them to come immediately, no matter what they were in the midst of, but that was a poor idea if they wished to remain inconspicuous. He also didn't want to face them before he could process this at least a little. They needed answers, but… this shone a new light on any efforts to gather information. Thankfully, the... other was gone, and with it, his burning desire. It had died back down into a grim determination, but he couldn't shake his earlier horror.
Yes, they needed answers, but he wasn't going to potentially sacrifice the world in his efforts to learn them. They would need to take precautions to ensure that wouldn't happen.
When Sephiroth finally returned to his office, he stopped just inside the door and stared at his computer. His fingers twitched, but he swallowed, still tasting the lingering bile in his mouth, and that was enough for him to quickly cross the space far enough to open one of his drawers and practically thrust the hard drive inside of it before closing it.
It was pointless, really. It wouldn't be difficult to take it out… but it helped.
After returning to firmly close the door, he calmly walked around the desk. He sat in his chair then remained still for several seconds before he sighed and put his head in his hands, thankful no one could see him and that he didn't have to keep up his 'General' persona. He should be elated, or at least satisfied that he'd completed his personal infiltration mission without getting caught, but… he didn't. He honestly just wanted to sleep right then.
He didn't. Instead he got out his day planner and looked at his upcoming schedule, then pulled up the necessary documents on his computer to prepare for them. All the while, he pointedly ignored the urge to retrieve the hard-drive and plug it in. It wasn't easy, but he managed somehow.
Just before five, the door opened and he looked up to see Genesis and Angeal striding in, shutting the door behind them. Sephiroth almost melted in relief, feeling his shoulders relax at the sight of them there.
They must have noticed his relief because they exchanged glances before Genesis preemptively displayed his active jammer and took the seat, far more hesitantly than he had earlier.
"Sephiroth?" Angeal asked, "Are you alright?"
He thought about how to answer that question… but nothing really came to mind. He wasn't often speechless, but nothing he could think of seemed to fully encompass the situation.
After a long pause and several increasingly worried glance-exchanges, Sephiroth sighed and reached for the drawer holding the hard drive. Fortunately, he had no problem drawing it out and setting it on the desk in front of them.
"What… is that?" Genesis asked, frowning unsurely.
"Answers," Sephiroth responded. "I hope."
Genesis' eyebrows inched up. "You… hope?"
"It's a good deal of whatever the Science Lab's ultraviolet records have on myself, both of you, the projects Zack mentioned, Lucrecia, and Vincent Valentine."
If anything, their incredulous expressions deepened, with Angeal's eyes wider than Sephiroth had ever seen them and Genesis' mouth dropping open.
"You got it?" the larger SOLDIER asked, eyeing the hard drive as if it would vanish at any moment.
"I did," Sephiroth nodded.
"With Kunsel's help?" Angeal asked, his face softening into that proud smile he tended to get when speaking of people he supervised.
"Yes. We acquired the needed information under a cover of acquiring genuine information for a false mission. His help was invaluable," the Silver General acknowledged.
"That's great!" Angeal said and reached out to pick up the hard drive.
Genesis holding out a hand stopped him. Angeal paused, hand in mid-air as he looked at his friend, puzzled.
"There are rumors of a false alarm in the Science department earlier," he prompted and waited for Sephiroth to confirm with a nod. "I'll be wanting to hear the full story later. Even I can admit that such a feat is… impressive."
Sephiroth nodded at him again, fighting a smug smirk at the admittance.
"Then why are you unhappy?"
Silence fell as Sephiroth still didn't know how to explain everything on his mind.
Angeal's expression faded from puzzled and back to worried while Genesis looked outright suspicious.
"I know," the red-head continued, "that you, in particular, wanted this information. Have you looked at it?" The unasked question of, 'Is that why you're upset?' hung heavy in the air.
Sephiroth felt himself stiffen and berated himself for his lack of discipline. The other two noticed, of course, but the silver-haired man forced himself to answer as calmly as he could.
"No," he said, looking directly into Genesis' glowing, blue gaze.
His friend's eyes narrowed even more for a couple of seconds before he nodded in acknowledgment.
"Good," Angeal spoke up, forcing a smile. "You did promise after all."
"Indeed," Sephiroth replied.
More silence. Then, finally, Angeal stood back, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Sephiroth, what's wrong?" he asked quietly, gently, but directly.
Normally, the Silver General hated being spoken to in mollifying tones, but as much as he did not want to admit it, he needed his friends' help right now. And they were so willing to give it. The thought almost seemed alien to him… but he still remembered how shaken he'd been earlier, and was willing to go to just about any length to figure this – whatever 'this' was – out.
"You… asked me if I was alright. The answer is… no," and why was that so difficult to say? "On the walk back from the… mission prep," he started slowly, "I…" he stopped, not really knowing how to explain it. "I felt something," he finally finished, unable to come up with more appropriate or fitting terms.
Genesis' expression dried out, leaving him looking extremely unimpressed. Angeal just looked confused.
"You… felt something?" the dark-haired man asked slowly.
Sephiroth's fists curled as he tried to search his (not insubstantial) vocabulary for the right words again and still came up short.
"It was… more than that," was what he ended up going with. It still wasn't adequate, but it was better. "I… wanted the knowledge when I went in to get it. But when I came back, that want… grew. In minutes, it became an obsessive impulse that I almost couldn't resist."
Angeal frowned and Genesis sat back in his chair, looking thoughtful. At least his dissatisfaction had gone.
"I know you can be… intense," Angeal said carefully, "but that's unusual, even for you."
Sephiroth nodded, grateful that he wasn't the only one who seemed to take issue with that. "Indeed. The change was subtle, but abrupt enough that I noticed. I examined the change and…" he faded off again, staring at his gloved hands as words, once again, failed him.
"This isn't like you either," Genesis commented. If Sephiroth didn't know better, he'd almost believe the man sounded concerned. But… surely not. This was, after all, Genesis.
Then the words registered. "What isn't like me?" he asked, hoping for clarification.
"Your hesitation," Angeal supplied, the worry in his expression returning.
He supposed they weren't incorrect.
"What do you think caused that, then?" the larger SOLDIER asked, voice warm and inviting.
Sephiroth finally understood the meaning of the phrase 'gathering oneself'. Metaphorically, that described his current state perfectly. So he steeled himself and plowed ahead. He'd never been one to shy away from truth anyway.
"I think the game is right," he admitted slowly. "I think it's Jenova."
Both of the men before him stiffened, mouths thinning and eyes narrowing. Funny how the same movements made Genesis look haughty and vindictive while it just made Angeal look determined and protective.
He appreciated their reactions nonetheless.
"You think your… potential mother is calling to you somehow?" Genesis asked carefully.
"Or, as Zack would say, the undead, alien virus," Angeal pointed out, his tone grave.
"Why call to you, though?" the red-head asked, placing one gloved hand against his chin and looking down in concentration. "We don't even know why in the game, only that she can exert her will on… specific people who can, in turn, exert their will upon specific others."
Angeal sighed and rubbed the back of his neck tiredly. "Who wouldn't want one of – if not the – strongest men in the world at their beck and call? Wouldn't want him calling her 'Mother'?"
Sephiroth's stomach twisted into knots, but he refused to acknowledge it. The thought still utterly sickened him.
"I agree," Genesis muttered, troubled. "This isn't so innocent as a mother's call to her child. But… there's more to it somehow. The way the game's narrative has played (and likely will continue to play) out, and with everything else we've learned…" he shook his head. "There's definitely more to it."
"Like what?" Angeal asked quietly.
The redhead thought on that for several more seconds before shaking his head.
"I suppose that depends on the circumstances surrounding Sephiroth's mother."
The Silver General grit his teeth. Angeal must have noticed because he cut in.
"We don't even know if she is his actual mother."
That seemed to snap Genesis out of his contemplation as he looked up at his friend. "Does it matter?" he asked bluntly. Sephiroth couldn't stop himself from flinching a little, but his friends either didn't notice or didn't acknowledge it. "The fact of the matter is, he can hear or feel… well… something that is very likely her, son or not. If he's right and this… influence is Jenova, then he could be anything from a clone to simply someone like us who has her cells in us."
"Directly," Sephiroth reminded them quietly. Unlike them, his cells came from the entity herself, hence Project S. Assuming the games were correct.
Angeal's brow furrowed and he stood straight, beginning to pace uneasily. "Why do you even think it's her?" he asked.
The silver-haired man blinked. "What else could it be?"
"I don't know, but we've all been subject to a very unscrupulous Science Department for practically our entire lives. It could be," the brunet paused as if to come up with an example, but ended up shrugging helplessly, "anything for all we know."
Sephiroth had to admit, he had a point. He tried to give the thought the objectivity needed.
And yet…
Somehow he just… knew.
"It's her," he said, suddenly far more sure of his conclusion (and all the more terrified for it, not that he'd let that show, but…). "I heard… no, felt…" he stopped, frowning and searched for words again. "Sensed…" he thought about that and realized that it would probably be the closest he'd come to describing the presence. "Something," he finally finished. "It was not me. At the crux of the influence, three very clear words came to mind: 'mine', 'come' and," he braced himself for the twinge, "'Reunion'."
Angeal stopped pacing, a look of worried incredulity on his face. Genesis' mouth pinched and his fists clenched. Neither of them looked as if they'd say anything, so Sephiroth continued.
"The presence was there and knew exactly what to do. Even then, she had that much influence on me despite the distance and her fatigued state—"
"Fatigued?" Genesis cut in sharply.
Sephiroth met his gaze and nodded. "That is the distinct impression I received. She sounded exhausted. I think whatever sealed her away for 2000 years is still affecting her… but it's weakening, or she's slowly throwing it off. In my… hunger for knowledge and truth, it is entirely possible that I may have unwittingly woken her myself." He hated the idea, but he had to keep his friends debriefed.
Silence. Then finally, Angeal spoke, his voice low.
"Are you saying… the Sephiroth from the game…?"
Sephiroth felt his own mouth thin, and his muscles had stiffened to a point where he almost couldn't move. He forced himself to relax and stood, turning away from them and to the small window in his office, looking out over the plate.
"Yes," he finally answered. "It is… not as far fetched as we may have believed."
"Sephiroth, you would never do that," Angeal reassured.
The Silver General almost snorted in derision. "But I could… I have contemplated… ridding the world of… frustrating people I have come across."
"We all have," Genesis broke in, exasperated. "That doesn't mean we do it."
The churning in his stomach had returned. He appreciated what they said… but they weren't 'prophesied' (for lack of a better term) to burn down villages and attempt to destroy the world.
They must have realized that more arguments and reassurances wouldn't help, because Angeal eventually spoke.
"What do you want to do, then?"
Sephiroth thought over that, voicing his ideas aloud.
"There is something in that information that I will not like," he said. Genesis scoffed, but Sephiroth ignored him. "Likely many things. Somehow, Jenova thinks that such knowledge will make me more susceptible to her."
"But surely you can't just avoid it," Genesis said, disbelieving.
Sephiroth repressed a sigh and turned to face them again. "No," he said. "But I want to read it together. All of us. Your… presences help to drive her influence away. I do not know why, but that is all I can think of at this time that may prevent… undesirable consequences."
The other two Firsts stared at him, both of their expressions unnervingly blank.
Finally, Angeal smiled softly, correctly interpreting the underlying message he'd been trying to convey. "I'm glad we can help. And for your information, you're our friend too, Sephiroth."
The warmth in his chest at those words finally drove any lingering echo of Jenova away and he found himself returning the expression.
Genesis had to shatter the moment by groaning, a hand to his face as he leaned over the back of his chair.
"That means a high possibility of no answers tonight," he concluded, barely audible through his palm. "Not if we are to finish the game first."
Sephiroth allowed himself a small, silent sigh. "I suppose not," he said. He wanted answers very much, but gathering all the questions first was reasonable.
"And when we do end up going through that…" the red-head waved at the memory stick and shuddered dramatically. For once, Sephiroth didn't think he was overreacting.
"It will not be pleasant," the green-eyed man finally confirmed.
Genesis chuckled mirthlessly. "My friend, you have a gift for understatement."
Sephiroth wasn't sure he agreed, but he could certainly see why the thespian would say that.
He took a steadying breath, then gestured towards the device.
"Angeal, I would like you to hold onto this. I feel I can… combat the influence now that I have identified it, but… I believe it would be wise to remove the temptation entirely."
The larger SOLDIER blinked, then looked down at the desk. "Very well," he said, his deep voice sounding unsure but determined. He looked into the pouch on his leg, probably to see if he had room for it.
While he rearranged to make the space, Genesis frowned and sat forward to tap the hard drive for emphasis. "I think you might have missed my earlier point. We still have two entire discs to get through. So, as much as this may have answers, we very likely won't be looking over it tonight if the game is that much longer, and it would be better to assume it might be a fair while yet."
He presented valid reasoning, and Sephiroth almost wilted. Almost. He just felt so… tired. Not physically, but… mentally, he supposed. Except it wasn't his thought-process that seemed to drain his energy, but just the enormity that was the entire situation. Emotionally? He didn't like considering it as it made him feel weak, but…
He shook his head. It didn't matter. He had to push through it anyway.
"No, we won't," he agreed. "For all the insanity, the game has been far more informative than… other sources. It would be wise to gather what we can from by finishing the game first. We should probably also wait for Zack's report, and there's no guarantee he'll finish with it before tomorrow."
The commander didn't look happy at the additional condition, but he also didn't argue, so Sephiroth counted that as a win for now. Angeal, however, nodded sympathetically and finally put the drive in his pouch.
"Alright. How about we order some dinner now. I forgot I had this," he held up a rather overly folded piece of paper, "in my pocket. It's for a wonderful avain barbecue place I know of, if you're up for it. Angeal stated in a simple, yet welcome, attempt to both lighten the mood and change the topic, though the concern lingered.
Genesis' mouth flattened, but again, he didn't say anything. Sephiroth had never had barbecue before either and at any other time would have been curious at least, however, he wasn't sure he could stomach anything at the moment.
He opened his mouth to say just that, but paused when the memory of Cloud's character asking Game Sephiroth to eat and sleep, only to be rebuffed or ignored. That… wouldn't do at all. He needed to at least try to nourish himself.
"That… is a good idea," he finally conceded. That sympathetic expression on his friend's face didn't go away, much to his annoyance.
"Well, here's the menu," Angeal said, handing a slightly ragged paper to Sephiroth who looked over the dishes. Nothing in particular sounded good as he had little basis to work from.
"What… would you suggest?" he finally asked.
The brunet smiled. "Well, are you in the mood for sour, salty, spicy, sweet, or savory?"
He… didn't really know.
"Why not get them all? Like we did the second night?" Genesis asked, reminding Sephiroth of the variety he'd gotten to try. "Whatever is left over we can feed to the puppy or eat tomorrow." He stood with all the grace of a dancer and gestured towards the door. "For now, shall we relocate to Sephiroth's couch? It's solidly now 'after work' and we are, with each passing moment, wasting time."
"Good idea, we can talk food on the way," Angeal agreed with a light chuckle, holding out his hand for the menu. Sephiroth handed it back over and the two followed their friend out of the office and towards Sephiroth's apartment. Fortunately, he had two friends there to distract him from his disturbing thoughts that seem to do nothing but run in circles.
"Hmm," Angeal said, nodding thoughtfully. "Okay, then, I have a couple of dishes I tend to really enjoy…"
xXx
AN: Thank you again to my readers! You guys have been so awesome! And especially to my Discord community. I know it isn't for everyone, but I love having people to turn to and talk to about the story in case I come across something I don't know what to do with. You guys don't know how much it helps.
And speaking how help, I cannot say how much Imagination7413 has helped me with this. Seriously, I've seen such an uptake in quality I can't even…
If you'd like to join my Discord: discord dot gg/GPfDYy5ZPa ( dot =.)
And yep, next update (again, likely in two weeks) we go back to reacting to the game! Woo! :D I'm hoping to get my buffer chapters back up to a point where I can post every week again, but don't hold your breath seeing as my husband and I are looking for a house to buy. So wish us luck!
Let me know what you think about the chapter! I may not respond to every comment (trying to do so kind of ramps up my anxiety), but I do read each and every one of them and try to answer questions.