Hello, everyone! Welcome back to Something More! Sorry I've been gone so long, but here I am!

Thank you all for reading my story. Your support and feedback mean a lot to me. I mean, this story has over 300 favorites and follows. This was my first story, and the amount of attention and support it's gotten is just amazing. Thank you.

Enjoy the new chapter!

I do not own 'Adventure Time.'

Chapter 35

The Runaway's Return

"Help! Help!" the store owner cried as the thieves ran out of his store. "Stop those Hooligans!"

The five green-skinned thieves, led by their leader in the leather jacket and black, slicked-up hair, laughed wickedly as they ran from the store and through the woods. Each of them had a brown bag slung over their shoulder.

The five Hooligans were stopped when a guy in a white bear hat and a brown jacket jumped out of a bush and aimed his sword at them, held in a robotic arm. A yellow bulldog jumped out of the bush too and jumped next to him, getting in a fighting position with his inflated fists.

"End of the line, thieves!" Finn shouted. "Return what you stole, and-"

Finn broke into a coughing fit before he could finish that line. The Hooligans all glanced at each other as Finn bent over and coughed into his fist. Jake patted Finn's back until he finally stopped coughing.

"Uh…you okay?" the leader with the black hair and leather jacket asked.

Finn cleared his throat and stood back up. "Yeah…yeah, I'm good." Finn aimed his sword at the Hooligans again. "Now, return all of the…the…what were guys stealing?"

"Candles." The buff Hooligan with blonde hair and a white wife beater opened his bag and showed Finn and Jake all the candles he had stuffed in the bag. "Scented, yo. Perfect for bathtime."

"You're stealing candles?" Jake asked. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, ya donk. We're the Hooligans Who Love Candles!" The thin Hooligan with the spiked hair shouted.

"So…the HWLC?" Finn asked.

"We're not big on acronyms," the Hooligan with the red mohawk said. "And we like to let peeps know that we love candles. It's our whole thing."

"They're two bucks a candle. Five for the bigger ones," Jake said. "Just buy them, man. They're a steal even without actually stealing them."

"Look at our outfits. What the nuts makes you think we have the money to buy anything?" the Hooligan with the blonde mohawk.

"Put 'em back," said Finn.

"No," said the Hooligan Leader. "Attack!"

The HWLC (yeah, we're sticking with the acronym) all pulled out their knives and charged at Finn and Jake. Finn met their leader and swung his sword, knocking the knife out of the Hooligan Leader's hand. Finn then used his mechanical arm to hit the Hooligan Leader right in the noggin with the bottom of the Nothung's hilt.

The leader went down like a sack of candles and Finn turned his attention to the remaining Hooligans. Finn kissed his fist and a brass knuckle made of ice formed on his fist, which he used to punch the buff Hooligan's lights out, watching as a tooth flew out of the Hooligan's mouth as he fell.

The two mohawked Hooligans went at Jake. Jake, in return, sent his fists flying straight into their tummies. Their eyes bulged as the wind was knocked out of them and they dropped their bags of candles. They both bent into a fetal position and fell to the ground.

Finn summoned an ice chain whip and wrapped it around the remaining two Hooligans before they could reach him. The two Hooligans, wrapped in a chain of ice, fell to the ground and rolled to a stop.

"You know, as a former thief, I have to say, this is really disappointing," Jake said as he gathered all of the stolen candles. "I mean, candles? For real?"

"I don't care what they stole, it feels so good to be doing this again." Finn grinned and raised his hands in the air triumphantly. "I am Finn the Human! Hero of Ooo! The bane of crooks, thieves, and-"

Finn fell into another coughing fit. He leaned on his sword like an old man's cane and coughed into his fist.

"Hey, man, I got a cough drop if you want one," one of the Hooligans wrapped in the ice chain said. "It's one of those good ones, not one of those cherry, candy ones."

"Don't mind him," Jake said. "He's dating the Flame Princess."

"Ohhhhhhhhh," the Hooligan said. "Yeah, that'll do it."

"That's hot," the other Hooligan said. "In more ways than one. Real personal question: do you have any…you know…burns?"

"Don't go anywhere," Finn said as he took half of the candles from Jake. "We're returning these candles." Finn and Jake left the Hooligans and made their way through the woods to the store where the candles had been stolen.

"...You…don't have any burns, do you?" Jake asked. "Because I know some home remedies for-"

"No, I'm fine," Finn interrupted. "I wear the fireproof sapphire necklace Phoebe gave me when we, uh, go on our dates. And it works…at full capacity."

"And it still feels like performing tier fifteen by a blazing fireplace while draped in an electric blanket set at the maximum temperature," said Shoko, appearing by Finn's side. "Way different from Marceline. She had a cold body. Made it up with her freaky vampire strength though. And she might not have left any burns, but she definitely left us with some marks, right Finn?"

"Glob dammit, Shoko," Finn said.

"Uh, listen, Finn. I'm happy you're dating again. Really, I am. Flame Princess seems to have really gotten you out of your whole 'self-exile in your man cave' deal," said Jake. "But, and for the love of beans, don't tell your very scary, sentient inferno girlfriend that I said this…I don't think dating her is entirely…healthy."

"Come on, Jake, didn't we have this same exact conversation when I started dating Marceline?" Finn asked. "Yeah, she's an extreme, powerful, terrifying being of primordial fire. But I'm fine, really. It's just a cough." Finn coughed some more and took an inhaler out of his pocket, bringing it to his lips and taking a deep inhale with it.

"...Yeaaaaahhhh," said Jake. "Well, Marcy might not have given you asthma, but she still left you limping back to the treehouse covered in bite marks and bruises."

"Yeah she did," Shoko said dreamily.

"Your point being?" Finn asked.

"Finn. Do you think it's at all possible that you gravitate toward these kinds of relationships because you're…addicted to danger?" Jake asked.

"Addicted?" Finn asked. "What do you mean 'addicted?'"

"Daredevil syndrome," said Jake. "You love getting yourself into dangerous situations. You're addicted to the thrill and rush of the danger. Even your relationships are life-threatening."

"Daredevil syndrome?" Finn asked. "Is that even a real thing?"

"Sure, why not? Who's gonna check?" Jake replied. "And it makes sense when you think about it. With the way you describe Founder's Island, you grew up in the safest, most boring place on the planet. Your mom was an overprotective robot who literally had eyes everywhere and gave you a bodyguard strong enough to break apart boulders with her bare hands."

"Yeah, so?" Finn asked.

"So," said Jake. "it's possible that whatever kind of relationship you had with your mom, not to mention whatever relationship you had with Dr. Gross, has made you prone to avoid anything that reminds you of the safe haven you used to call home."

"So you're saying that me dating Marceline and then Phoebe is because they're both the opposite of what my island is like?" Finn asked. "I didn't start going out with either of them because I was looking for danger. Both times it just…sort of happened. I wasn't looking for anything to happen, but it did."

"Well, let me ask you this," said Jake. "Would you consider going out with Bubblegum if you were both free?"

"Yes," Shoko said instantly.

"I mean," Finn shrugged. "Sure, maybe. Why wouldn't I?"

"Do you think your mom would like Bubblegum?" Jake asked.

"Oh, Mom would love PB," Finn replied.

"And, you can still see yourself going out with her?"

"I…" Finn paused as he was lost in thought, then he blinked his eyes and shook his head. "Y-yeah, yeah I can."

"Nah, I don't see it," said Jake.

"Why not?" Finn asked. "She was interested in us being a thing before. And I'll be honest, so was I."

"Well, now let me ask you this," Jake said. "Do you miss Founder's Island?"

"What? Of course I do." Finn said.

"What do you miss about it?"

"I miss my mom. And Old Man Willow, he was always fun. And…uh…uh…" Finn blinked. "What-what's the point of this talk?"

"Finn, I think you're getting into these kinds of relationships and doing this hero stuff because you're trying to distract yourself from your home island," Jake said. "Buddy, I love you like a brother, but I think you're tricking yourself into trying to forget about Founder's Island. And, I don't think that's good for you."

"I'm not trying to forget about Founder's Island," Finn said. "I don't want to forget where I came from. I just…I just like that there's more around me now than empty ocean. Ooo is my home now, not Founder's Island. And, that's the way I want to keep it."

"Finn, you're a human. You come from Founder's Island, the only human settlement left in existence," Jake reminded him. "And, you can't change that. No matter what you do or who you date. And after what happened to Kara, and especially that whole thing with Dr. Gross, I don't think you're fully over it. I think you're still hurting inside. I think you really miss your island, and you're getting back in the hero game and going out with Flame Princess to try to mask it."

Finn made an irritated noise and looked away. "Okay, fine. Maybe I do have a few issues locked in the vault. Who doesn't have unresolved issues? What exactly are you worried about?"

"I'm worried about you, Finn," Jake said. "The thing about locking something up in the vault...locked up or not, it's still there."

Finn sighed. "Jake-"

"Finn! Finn! Hey! Hey, Finn! Hey!"

Finn and Jake turned around to see Lumpy Space Princess floating toward them. "Hey, Finn!"

"Oh, hey. What's up, LSP?" Finn asked.

"I need a big favor, guys," said LSP. "A big, lumping favor."

"LSP, for the last time, I'm not posing as your boyfriend to impress your friends," said Finn.

"Nah, I ain't here for that," said LSP. "Listen, Finn. Listen, Jake. I, like, got a problem that I need your help with."

"Sure, whatcha need, LSP?" Finn asked.

"Well. I need you guys to come with me back to Lumpy Space." LSP looked away and rubbed her wrist anxiously. "Uh…it's about my parents."

"The king and queen?" Jake asked.

"Yeah, them," LSP said. "I think someone's gonna try to assassinate my parents."

"Oh, glob," said Finn. "For real?"

"Yeah. And I'm lumping worried about them!" LSP cried. "But they're not lumping doing anything! They won't go into hiding, they won't hire any protection, they're not lumping taking it seriously!"

"You want us to protect them?" Finn asked.

"Yeah. I need you guys to bodyguard them until the assassin makes a move."

"How do you know the assassin is even going to make a move?" Finn asked. "How do you know there even is an assassin?"

"Look, I, like, don't know who the assassin is, or even what the assassin is supposed to look like," said LSP. "I just know there's one coming, and I need you guys to be there when that happens."

"Don't worry, LSP. You can count on us," said Finn. "But, how exactly do we get to Lumpy Space? You said it was another dimension?"

"Yeah, but, like, don't worry. I know how to get us all there," said LSP. "I mean, I'm, like, not really supposed to bring outsiders into Lumpy Space. But, this is lumping serious! I need you guys to protect my parents from the assassin!"

"Relax, LSP, we got you," said Finn. "Just let us return these stolen candles and we'll go."

"Ooo, candles?" LSP asked. "Let me sniff those, I might buy some."

"Alright, like, here it is."

Lumpy Space Princess had led the two boys through the pink forest to what appeared to be a frog and a mushroom. And, that's exactly what it was. A teal frog with yellow eyes and a red mushroom with blue spots.

"Uh…what are we looking at, exactly?" Jake asked in confusion. "Cuz…all I see is a fungus and a frog."

"This is the portal to Lumpy Space," LSP explained. "I'm, like, supposed to keep it a secret, right? But, this is serious."

"This is the portal to your world?" Finn asked. "A frog and a mushroom?"

"Yeah, watch." Lumpy Space Princess floated up to the frog. The frog hopped onto the mushroom and stared up at LSP.

"Ribbit. Password please," the frog croaked.

"Whatever it's 2023!" LSP shouted at the frog.

"Good day, Princess. Is your father okay with you entering Lumpy Space with two non-lumpers?" the frog asked.

"Yeah, whatever. It's fine," LSP replied.

"So…does the frog open the portal with, like, a spell or something?" Finn asked. "How exactly does this-"

The frog's tongue shot out of his mouth and he ate the three of them one by one before Finn could finish.

Finn and Jake screamed as they were sent through some kind of vortex, as fast as they could blink, it was over, and Finn found himself flying through purple clouds before finally landing on a solid one.

Finn stood up and took a look around, doing a double take at his surroundings. "Oh, glob."

Lumpy Space was an infinite, bruise-purple expanse in any direction, with something that looked like a dark abyss below them. Finn and Jake were standing on one of the many solid-looking, blue, green, and purple clouds around them. As far as flora went, there seemed to be a plant or two here and there, but Lumpy Space didn't appear to have any animals.

"Woah. So this is Lumpy Space, huh?" Jake asked. "...Cool."

"Yeah, super cool. Whatever," LSP said dismissively. "Now, come on. Let's get this over with. I'm, like, already gonna be in so much trouble for bringing you two here."

"Didn't you tell your parents we were coming?" Finn asked.

"Lump no! When I told them about the lumping assassin, they just thought I was trying to get attention!" LSP threw her arms up and shouted in irritation. "It's the first time I talked to them in years and they just keep acting like I can't lumping do anything right!"

Finn and Jake glanced at each other. "Um…listen, LSP. Past experiences aside, maybe we should just go and see your parents," Finn suggested. "You know, before the assassin gets to them first."

"Oh! Right! Right!" LSP said. "Right, just…let me make a call. I'll get us a ride to my old home."

LSP took out her cell and dialed a number, floating away a little bit as the line rang.

"...Hey, Melissa, what's up?" LSP said into the phone after the ringing stopped. "...Yeah, I'm good. Listen, Melissa. I'm back in Lumpy Space… Yeah, I just got back. Do you think you can give me a ride to my parent's place…? Yeah, I'm at the usual spot. And I have two friends with me, so make room in the back or whatever… I do not want you to bring Brad, just leave him at your place and come get me… Okay, thanks… Okay, bye."

LSP hung up and turned toward Finn and Jake. "Melissa will be here to pick us up in maybe twenty minutes or whatever."

"Okay, cool." Finn rubbed his wrist in boredom. "Cool, cool."

LSP's eyes widened when she saw that the wrist Finn was rubbing was mechanical, just now noticing it under his jacket sleeve. "Oh my glob! Finn, what happened to your arm?!"

"Huh?" Finn looked down at his robot hand. "Oh, that. I'd…rather not talk about it."

"Is it from when you had to whack your aunt?" LSP asked. "Turtle Princess told me about that. Your aunt was the one kidnapping people, so you had to put her down?"

Finn closed his eyes and blew a puff of air out his nose. "I'd rather not talk about it," he repeated.

LSP grimaced and tapped her fingers. "Eh…sorry. The Princesses all know about that now. The news, like, kinda spread along with the news of you and Flame Princess getting together. Listen, Finn. I'm like…really sorry if I asked you to do this for me at a bad time. But it's my lumping parents, man. I need your-"

"It's fine, LSP, really," Finn said. "Protecting and helping people. This is who I am. This is what I do. Especially for a friend."

The three of them suddenly heard the sound of a car horn. A pink, soft-looking convertible floated through the air and landed in front of them. In the driver's seat was another Lumpy Person. She was pink and more fluffy-looking than LSP, with wide eyes and a cheerful face.

"Hey, LSP!" the pink Lumpy Person said happily. "Welcome back home!"

"Yeah, whatever. It's great to see you again too, Melissa," said LSP. "Can we go now?"

"Who are your friends?" Melissa asked. "A non-lumper and his pet?"

"I ain't no one's pet, missie!" said Jake. "I'm his partner!"

"Oh, I'm sorry," said Melissa. "How long have the two of you been together?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure anybody's keeping track time-wise. I think it's been maybe–wait! No! Not like that, for Glob's sake!"

"Everyone just get in the lumping car!" LSP floated into the passenger seat next to Melissa. "We don't have lumping time for this!"

Finn and Jake got in the back and Melissa drove the car back into the air, driving the car through Lumpy Space. Finn and Jake looked around and took in the sights of Lumpy Space as Melissa drove. It held its own otherworldly beauty, nothing like anything Finn and Jake had ever seen before. Although, Finn guessed that if you didn't float and didn't mind ground that wasn't entirely solid, you wouldn't be all that comfortable living here.

"So, LSP, do I have to, like, bow and stuff before your parents?" Finn asked. "Them being the King and Queen and all?"

"Nah, you're fine," said LSP. "Just, like, be polite or whatever."

"Is he your boyfriend, LSP?" Melissa asked. "As far as non-lumpers go, he's not half-bad."

"Nah, Finn's just a friend," LSP replied, not bothering to lie about it, much to Finn's relief. "I brought him and Jake here to protect Mom and Dad. I got wind back in Ooo that an assassin was coming after them."

"Oh, my," said Melissa. "Are they any good?"

"Oh, we're the best," said Jake. "We're heroes back home, the two of us."

"It's mostly Finn," LSP said.

"I'm starting to regret agreeing to this," Jake grumbled.

Melissa flew down to one of the larger solid clouds and pulled up next to a house with purple walls. Finn had expected the building to be some kind of castle, but it was more of a modest manor. A two-story building that might have belonged to the rich kid's parents before it belonged to a King and Queen.

"Alright, we're here." LSP floated out of the car. "Come on, guys."

"Good luck, LSP," Melissa said as Finn, Jake, and the Princess got out of the car. "Tell your parents hello for me, would you?"

"Yeah, whatever," said LSP. "Thanks for the ride, Melissa."

"Anytime, LSP." Melissa started the car back up and drove away. LSP let out a groan before floating toward the house with Finn and Jake following behind.

"Listen, LSP. About the assassin," Finn began. "I'm not sure how well-fortified your house is, but whatever the case, I think we should keep your parents together. Easier to keep an eye on both of them and less chance of getting separated."

"Yeah, like, that ain't gonna be a problem," LSP said as she knocked on the door.

The door opened and LSP's parents floated out of the door.

Finn and Jake were taken aback by what they saw. LSP's parents were the same shade of purple as their daughter's, and they both had a yellow star in their foreheads, making Finn guess it was some kind of royal marking among the Lumpy Space People. The Lumpy Space King had a fat neck with a little bit of unshaved stubble, wearing a pair of square glasses and a simple gold crown on his head. The Lumpy Space Queen had chin-length, brown hair and wore a gold crown similar in design to the one most of the Princesses of Ooo wore.

And they were both fused at the hip. A two-headed Lumpy Person with four arms, two for each head.

"Daughter? You're back?" the King asked in his gravelly voice. "And why have you brought two outsiders with you?"

"I lumping brought them here because you guys need to be lumping protected!" LSP shouted angrily. "There's a lumping assassin after you!"

"Oh, this again," the Lumpy Space Queen said with a dismissive wave of her hand. Her voice was much more high-pitched than LSP's was. "Come now, daughter, who would want to assassinate us?"

"Does it lumping matter?!" LSP demanded. "Look. This is Finn and Jake. They're Ooo's best heroes. I brought them here to protect you. So stop being so lumping stubborn, and let them protect you!"

"Cease this nonsense, daughter!" The Lumpy Space King demanded. "We are not paying good money on protection we do not need!"

"They'll do it for free, you lumping-"

"Can I step in real quick?" Finn said, stepping up next to the seething Lumpy Space Princess. "Listen, your highnesses. LSP is just worried about you guys. She's a friend of ours, she came to us for this favor, and we're happy to help her out with this. And we're heroes, we're not gonna charge you. I guess you don't believe there's an assassin after you, but how about we hang around your place for a while, just to be safe? It gives you time to catch up with LSP, and you have me and Jake's protection if there happens to be an assassin after all. How's that sound?"

LSK grunted and crossed his arms, frowning pensively. "...Oh, all right. Who am I to say no to free labor? You and the yellow dog can join us for the evening."

"The yellow dog has a name," said Jake. "And the name is Jake."

"I hope you boys are hungry," said LSQ. "I'm making lasagna tonight."

"Oh, heck, you can call me whatever you want," Jake said excitedly.

"Daughter, your room is as you left it," said LSK. "I assume you'll be staying with us as well?"

"Well, actually, since Finn and Jake are here now, I, like, figured I would just go back to-"

"Of course she is," Finn interrupted LSP. "Better if she stays with us where we can keep an eye on her. You know, in case the assassin wants to use her for leverage."

"Assuming the assassin even exists. Which I highly doubt," said the king. "Very well. We will do it your way, in consideration of your profession." The King and Queen turned around and floated back inside. "Make yourselves at home. Dinner's at five."

Once they were gone, LSP turned to Finn, an angry look on her face. "Why the lump did you do that?!" she demanded. "I don't lumping need to stay! I don't lumping want to stay! You guys can just stay while I go to Melissa's or whatever!"

"LSP, they're your parents," Finn said. "You haven't seen them in, what, a couple years? This is your chance to catch up. And besides, I'm right about the assassin possibly going after you to get to them."

"You're giving me advice about spending time with my family?" LSP asked. "When's the last time you spoke to your lumping family?"

"...I haven't spoken to my mom in a while, yeah," Finn said. "So I know what I'm talking about when I'm telling you that you should talk to your parents."

LSP blinked and frowned. "...Wow. Like…that backfired on me… Sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Finn replied gently.

LSP looked like she wanted to say something else, but instead, she went inside the house. Finn made to follow her, but Jake placed his hand on Finn's arm before he could.

"Hey, man. Are you sure you're good to do this job?" Jake asked.

"What do you mean?" Finn asked. "Of course I am."

"It's just that…come on, man, you don't need to be a shrink to see the parallels between your situation and LSP's. You're kicking your feet back in Ooo, you haven't been to your hometown in a while. Only major difference is that LSP is finally able to talk to her mom and dad. You haven't been able to talk to your mom or even your criminal dad since you left Founder's Island."

"I didn't leave Founder's Island, I was-"

"Doesn't matter," Jake said. "Look, I get why you're doing it, but you really shouldn't push LSP to clear things with her parents. This is her own beef to deal with, alright? Don't go setting LSP off by trying to mosey in on her business."

Finn let out a sigh and nodded his head. "Yeah. Yeah, alright. I'll leave her alone about it, I promise."

"Okay." Jake nodded. "Now, let's protect the siamese couple, huh?"

"Hey, Jake. Do you really think there's an assassin?" Finn asked. "Maybe LSP is just using it as an excuse to see her parents."

"Maybe. But regardless, we have a job to do." Jake headed into the house. "Come on, man. Let's be heroes."

Finn nodded and followed the dog into the house.

A pair of eyes, glowing pink in the dark, watched from a distance.

(Later into the evening)

Finn took another bite of lasagna. He looked around the dinner table. Few words were exchanged as everyone ate. LSP stabbed and cut her food as she ate like she was mad at it. The King and Queen sat at the head of the table, two plates of lasagna in front of their body. The King glared at his food as he ate. LSQ had a more controlled look on her face, but still looked a little anxious, like she could feel the tension in the air and was praying that nothing would set anything off. The Queen hadn't taken any bites out of her food yet. She just kept poking the square of pasta on her plate.

Since Finn and Jake had arrived, there had been no threatening activity of any kind. No sign of any assassin, not even an out-of-place sound. Finn had insisted on keeping the Lumpy Royal Family together, making it easier to keep an eye on them and protect them. The decision didn't sit very well with the Lumpy Royals, and through the entire afternoon, it was nothing but frowns, crossed arms, and the silent treatment with the occasional grunt. Dinner proved to be no better than the previous afternoon.

Jake, seated next to Finn, took a big bite out of his lasagna. "Food's good, Mrs. Queen. Real good."

"Oh, thank you, Jake," said the Queen. "It's a recipe I read online."

"So, Mr, uh, Finn, you said your name was?" Lumpy Space King asked. "How exactly do you know my daughter? You're a good enough friend to just drop whatever you were doing in Ooo and offer us protection?"

"Actually, when I first came to Ooo, LSP was the first person to offer me her hospitality," Finn explained. "During my second night in Ooo, LSP let me crash with her in her campsite."

"Finn," LSP whispered harshly.

"A campsite?" LSK asked. "That's where you've been living, daughter? You're not even living in a house?"

"It's fine, dad," LSP said angrily. "I'm doing fine in Ooo. I like my campsite."

"Uh, so, Mr. Finn. You're not from Ooo either?" LSQ asked.

"No, I'm from a place called Founder's Island. A place far from Ooo," said Finn. "It's where us Humans live now. Except for me."

"Why did you go to Ooo?" the Queen asked.

"It's a long story," said Finn. "I didn't leave by choice though."

"And his life became, like, significantly better," said LSP. "He became popular and famous in Ooo."

"But you didn't," said LSK. "You live in a camp in the woods like some kind of outdoor hermit."

"It's still lumping better than living here!" LSP said.

"Here we go again," LSK said with a roll of his eyes. "Ungrateful is what you are. Always have been. And when you finally get sick of living in the woods, what do you do? You come crawling back to eat our food and sleep in an actual bed. And you're not even mature enough to admit your mistake! Instead, you drag your two friends here with some ridiculous tall tale of an assassin being after us."

"You lumping suck, dad!" LSP shouted. "You lumping-"

"ENOUGH!"

Everyone flinched and froze at the sound of the Queen's angry shout. The room went deadly quiet as LSQ took deep, calming breaths.

"Can we not just enjoy one meal together as a family? A family with two of our daughter's friends as guests?" the Queen asked. "Does it matter why she's back? Let's just enjoy having our little girl back with us. And maybe the two of you can stop trying to chew each other's heads off in a contest to see who can get the last lumping word in, hmm?"

The Queen let out a sigh and pushed her plate of lasagna away. "I've lost my appetite."

"I still have mine. I'll take your plate if you don't want it," Jake offered.

"Yeah, go ahead," said the Queen. "I'm just going to forget about it in the fridge otherwise."

"Thank you, your highness," Jake said cheerfully as he pulled the plate toward him. He picked up his fork and began to cut himself a piece off of the pasta square.

"OW!" Jake dropped his utensil and pulled his hand away, holding it by the wrist. "Ow! What the stuff?!"

"What's wrong? Did it burn you?" the Queen asked. "My plate was the last one out of the oven."

"No, it felt more like the lasagna bit me!" Jake cried. The bulldog blinked his eyes and began to sway in his seat. "Woah. I feel a little funny. Someone crank up the heat or something? Starting to feel a little warm in here."

"What's the matter with him?" Lumpy Space King asked.

Finn eyed Jake's lasagna. The lasagna that had 'bitten' Jake. The lasagna that had been meant for the Queen, and therefore the King.

"Uh, Finn?" LSP asked. "Like…why are you staring at the lasagna?"

Finn drew Nothung and swung it down on the lasagna.

Something small and white burst out of the pasta as Nothung sliced it in half. It landed on the table, revealing itself to be a tiny cat with cream and tan stripes. The cat's eyes were hot pink and her mouth was filled with sharp teeth. Standing on her hind legs, the cat held a half-empty syringe of green liquid in her long, thin tail.

"Freakin' cat!" Jake shouted. "I should have known it was a no good c-"

Jake didn't finish that sentence. Instead, he let out a moan and turned a little green.

"Jake!" Finn pointed his sword at the cat. "What did you do to Jake?!" he demanded.

"That poison was meant for them," the cat said in her high-pitched, child-like voice, pointing at the shocked King and Queen. "Not your stupid, hungry dog."

"I lumping told you!" LSP shouted. "It's a lumping assassin!"

"Pretty smart of you to hire your parents some protection," the cat commented. "I'll give you that much."

Finn aimed his sword a little closer at the cat. "Who are you? Who sent you?"

"The name's Me-Mow." The assassin shrugged casually. "And no one sent me. Believe it or not, this is just for the credit. Once I kill a pair of royals, the Guild of Assassins will make me a full-fledged member. A two-for-one target like that? It was too good to pass up. And make no mistake, I'm still going to kill them both."

Finn thrust his sword at Me-Mow. The small, nimble cat ducked under the blade and did a backflip, kicking the sword up and away from her. Finn was momentarily stunned by the cat's counter and Jake was too sick to do anything. Using her small window of time, Me-Mow made a quick dash towards the Lumpy Space King and Queen, syringe of poison wrapped in her tail.

Me-Mow apparently didn't think that Lumpy Space Princess was a threat, because she paid her no mind as she dashed toward the Princess's stunned parents. And as a result, Me-Mow wasn't prepared for LSP picking up her plate and using it to smack the cat away from her parents, sending her unfinished lasagna and Me-Mow flying.

The pasta landed on the floor, and the assassin landed on the table. The blow momentarily stunned the cat, and in that time window, Finn reached across the table and grabbed Me-Mow, holding the cat in his fist.

"You lose," said Finn.

"You sure about that?" Me-Mow grinned as her tail plunged her syringe of green poison into Finn's arm.

The needle went through Finn's jacket sleeve and made a metallic 'peenk' sound.

Me-Mow blinked and frowned as her tail lifted her syringe up for examination. The needle had been bent into a zigzag shape. "What the…?"

"Metal arm," Finn said. Me-Mow took a moment to examine the metal hand holding onto her. "Handy, right?"

"Seriously?!" Me-Mow complained. "That's just not fair!"

"You wanna see something else that's pretty cool?" Finn raised his real hand and waved his fingers at the cat. Me-Mow became encased in ice. Finn let go of the assassin and the frozen cat landed on the table with a thud. An outraged look was literally frozen on her face.

"Heh. That was pretty sweet," Jake said. "Not to ruin the moment, but I'm pretty sure that cat poisoned me."

LSK stared at the frozen cat on the table. "There…really was an assassin." The King looked over at LSP. "Daughter, you…you saved us."

"Of course I lumping did," LSP said. "You really thought I made that up as an excuse just to come back home?"

"Seriously, I think the cat emptied half of her poison into me," said Jake. "I'm feeling worse by the minute."

"We're so sorry we didn't believe you, daughter," LSQ said. "It's just that…well, the way you left in such a huff. We thought you'd be back in a week at most. We thought you were just going through a phase."

"You guys never lumping take me seriously," LSP said. "And that's why I lumping left. I wanted to prove that I would be fine on my own."

"Vision's starting to get a little blurry," Jake said. "I feel both hot and cold, like when you start to sweat in the snow."

"But, yeah, I was wrong. I can't make it on my own," LSP said sadly. "I live in a lumping hobo camp, and none of the princesses of Ooo take me seriously. I'm sorry I left. I know you're disappointed."

"Disappointed?" LSK asked. "You've made friends with two of the greatest heroes of Ooo. You were able to catch wind of an assassin that we didn't know about or even believe in, and you were able to save our lives because of it. You're far more capable than your mother and I. Our own ignorance nearly got us killed."

"You really mean that?" LSP asked.

"Getting hard to breathe," Jake said. "Fingers just went numb. My arms feel heavy. Inside of my mouth tastes sour."

"Of course we do, daughter." LSQ smiled at LSP. "We love you. And we're proud of you."

"Oh, mom. Oh, dad." LSP sniffed and began to tear up. "I lumping love you both."

LSP floated out of her seat and ran into her mom and dad's arms. The three of them hugged it out as a loving family.

"Okay, moment's over. I let it go on long enough." Finn got out of his seat and picked Jake up, slinging the dog over his shoulder. "We should really go now."

"Oh, right. Glob," LSP ended the hug and took out her cell phone. "I'll call Melissa."

Mellissa descended down onto the King and Queen's property and pulled her car up in front of the house, where Finn, Jake, and the Lumpy Space Royals waited outside the front door.

"You boys take care now," said Lumpy Space Queen. "Thanks again for all that you've done. Especially for being a friend to our daughter."

"Hey, don't mention it, LSQ. Thanks for the sandwiches." Finn lifted up the basket of sandwiches the Queen had made for them. "And thanks for loaning us this birdcage." Finn lifted up the birdcage that contained the still-frozen Me-Mow. "This little kitty's gonna be locked up for a long time."

"Is Jake going to be okay?" LSP asked.

"Yeah, he'll be fine," Finn said. "I just gotta get him back to my place. I have a gourd full of magic cyclops tears that will heal him right up. Gift from a friend."

"Stomach hurts. Throat hurts. Eyeballs hurt." Jake blinked one eye at a time. "Yeah…yeah, everything hurts."

LSK cleared his throat. "Finn. Jake. The Lumpy Space Royal Family is forever in your debt. You'll both always be welcome in my domain. If you ever need a favor, you only need to ask."

"Thanks, your highness," Finn said. "Okay, then. Ready to go, Jake?"

"Yes," Jake replied. "For the love of ham and boloney, I am dying."

"You ready to go, LSP?" Finn said.

"Oh. Um…about that." LSP wrung her hands nervously. "I'm…actually…not going back with you guys."

"What? What do you mean?" Finn asked. "You're…staying here?"

"Yeah, I…I think it's time that I, like, spent some time with my parents, after being away for so long," LSP smiled lovingly at the King and Queen. "This is where I'm from. This is where my family is from. I can't just pretend this place never did anything for me. I know you'll miss me, but, like, I'll be back, don't worry. I just need to be with my mom and dad for a bit, you know."

Finn chewed on his bottom lip and nodded. "...Yeah. Yeah, cool. Believe me, I get it."

"Take care, Finn." LSP floated up and hugged Finn. "Thanks for…you know, like…everything or whatever. You're kind of, like, a totally awesome friend to have."

"Hey, don't mention it, LSP." Finn smiled and returned the hug. "Have fun with your parents. I hope you-"

"Just get me those glob damn tears!" Jake shouted. "I'm gonna die!"

"Alright, alright!" Finn picked Jake up and tossed him in the car before hopping in himself. "See ya, LSP. Let's go, Melissa."

The King, Queen, and Princess all watched as Melissa drove away. Once Finn and Jake were gone, LSP turned to her parents.

"We, like, totally went out by the way," LSP said. "Me and Finn went on a few dates before I, like, decided we should see other people. Yeah, I, like, totally dumped him."

"Uh-huh, I'm sure," LSK said as he floated back inside the house.

"Can you at least vouch for me when I tell Brad that?!" LSP asked. "Come on. I lumping saved your lives!"

(Later that night, back in Ooo)

After Jake drank the gourd of tears that Huntress Wizard had given him, he passed out from exhaustion, as if the healing process had drained the bulldog of any remaining energy. Finn pulled out one of the wardrobe's dressers and placed some blankets in it before setting Jake down in the pulled-out drawer. It had gotten late, so Finn decided to follow suit and go to bed.

As Jake snored with no sign of stopping any time soon, Finn stared up at the ceiling as he lay in bed, hands both flesh and metal folded on his chest, blonde hair free of the hat strewn across his pillow.

"Can't sleep?"

Finn looked over to see Shoko sitting on the side of his bed. The green-skinned girl with the metal arm smiled down at Finn, yellow eyes glowing in the dark.

"No," said Finn. "No, I can't."

"Because…" Shoko rolled her hand. "Come on."

Finn sighed. "I don't wanna talk about it."

"Okay, then I will," said Shoko. "After being away for so long, LSP got to go back to her home and see her mom and dad. You, on the other hand, haven't gotten to yet. And you possibly never will. And, that upsets you."

Finn rolled his eyes. "Just…just let me try to get some sleep, will you?"

Finn's phone buzzed atop his nightstand. Finn reached over and picked the phone up to see who it was. "It's Phoebe."

"Yes," Shoko said with a cheerful fist pump. "Now here's a method of therapy we can both agree on. Couples therapy. Let's stoke those flames and create a miniature sun."

Finn grunted in irritation and rolled his eyes before answering the phone. "Hey, FP. What's up?"

"Hey, Finn," FP replied on the phone. "Watcha doin'?"

"Trying to sleep, but I can't," Finn said. "It was a…weird day for me."

"Oh?" FP asked. "Wanna talk about it?"

"Well, to make it short, LSP is no longer in Ooo," said Finn. "She went back to Lumpy Space to be with her parents."

"Oh, thank Glob. Thank you so much, Glob." Finn heard FP cough awkwardly. "Sorry. You were saying?"

"It's just…well…" Finn sighed and ran a hand down his face. "...You know why Susan came to Ooo? You know the reason why Dr. Gross came to Ooo? They were both sent by my mom, to make sure I was okay."

"Finn, the damage that Dr. Gross was getting ready to do was not your fault," Flame Princess said.

"That's not what's bothering me," Finn said. "I know my mom. Even after all the time that's passed, she still has to be chewing her digital nails off. She's an AI, by the way. I'm not sure if I ever told you that or not."

"You miss your mom?" Phoebe asked.

"It's more than that," Finn said. "I was able to send an audio message from Susan's ship, but that was all I could do. I wish my mom could see me, and see how well I'm doing. I want her to know that I'm okay. I'd give anything just to show her that I'm alright. LSP got to see her mom, and she lives in another dimension. And I still can't show my mom that I'm okay."

"Oh, Finn…I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better," FP said. "But, my dad was just awful and I never had a mom. Flame People reproduce asexually. You know, like how one fire can make multiple fires."

"It still doesn't stop you from trying the traditional way, obviously," Shoko said.

Finn shook his head at Shoko before returning his attention to FP. "I just wish I could talk to her. That's all. Tell her and show her that I'm fine and doing well. I don't know, maybe Princess Bubblegum can help me out with that."

"Wasn't she supposed to do that in the first place? Kinda seems like that got tossed out the window," Phoebe replied bitterly.

"Yeah, after I made it known that I was staying in Ooo, I guess everyone kinda forgot about that," said Finn. "Me included."

"Listen, Finn. You know I don't trust Bubblegum," FP said. "And I don't see any reason why I should start trusting her now. I know you trust her, but I don't think you should. She's not going to give Billy's successor any reason to want to leave Ooo and run back to his homeland to see his mom. She's way too selfish for that."

"Phoebe, come on. I know you and PB have some bad beef, but you got her all wrong," Finn said. "She's a good person. And let's say you're right; all I'm asking is a single long-distance phone call or maybe a video chat if we can manage it. There are miles and miles of ocean between me and Founder's island. I'm not going anywhere."

"Try convincing Bubblegum that. If it means putting her Kingdom at the slightest margin of risk, she won't have it," Flame Princess went on. "I would know."

"Hey, if I want to contact my mom, it's either Bubblegum or no one," Finn argued. "She's kinda the only scientist, engineer, or etcetera I know. She's the only person who can help me with this."

Finn heard Phoebe sigh. "...Fine. Do what you need to do. I wish I knew how to help you, but…I don't."

"Hey, having you in my corner is good enough, Phoebe." Finn blushed. "I'm…really happy that you and I gave 'us' a shot."

"Me too, Finn," FP replied sweetly. "Speaking of, has the coughing gotten any better?"

"Yeah," Finn said. "I mean, I still carry around the inhaler for when it gets bad, but yeah, it's gotten better."

"Ooo. Uh…sorry about that," FP said bashfully.

"It's fine, I'm good," Finn said.

There was a long pause on Phoebe's side of the line. "...Do you think you could come over to the Fire Kingdom tonight?"

Finn blushed and hesitated before he let out a defeated sigh. "...Yeah, fine. It's not very late and I can't sleep anyway."

"You remember how to sneak past all the guards?"

"Yeah, yeah, I remember," Finn said. "I'll be right over." He hung up the phone and took a deep breath.

"Hey, who needs a properly working respiratory system?" Shoko asked. "Now grab the fireproof bling and let's go douse some flames."

"For the love of glob, why do you have to make everything so glob damn sexual?" Finn asked. "You're, what, fifteen? sixteen? And you're disgusting."

"Hey, I'm a fan-favorite," Shoko argued. "And let's face it; between me and the bulldog, I'm a way better wingman. Now stop stalling and let's go make your asthma even worse."

Show of hands, who loves Shoko?

Until next time!