Oneshot where Rory thinks about Jess during her summer trip between S3 and 4. Enjoy!
Rory lifts the hair off her neck in a futile attempt to feel cooler. The Italian sun is unyielding and, while the architecture surrounding her and her mother is beautiful, as well as the day itself, the temperature is too much. Rory is so hot that she can't finish her coffee or make a joke which are two things she never thought were possible. She opens her mouth to say so to Lorelai but the heat is making her sleepy and, judging by her mother's lack of quips, it seems she's feeling the same way. Rory takes a sip of coffee instead and Lorelai lets out a loud yawn.
"I'm tired."
"Kind of figured that," Rory smiles. "You want to head back?"
"Meh, the hostel's not exactly great for a rest and there's no TV."
"We'll book the Ritz next time."
"Good plan. But seeing as right now we're stuck with bunkbeds, I'm going to go get an icecream and collapse in that square where we had lunch."
"I'll come too."
"No, you want to go look at the ruins which were built a million years ago," Lorelai teases. "Am I right?"
"Not a million years ago, but yes."
"And take pictures for the Gilmore museum."
"Do not mock me, you can cut the ribbon for it when it opens!"
"My lifelong dream," Lorelai remarks, getting up and stretching. "Meet me in the square in an hour?"
"Got it."
"Bye, sweets," Lorelai says, kissing top of Rory's head. "Boy, I'm glad you talked me out of wearing heels."
"What would you do without me?"
"Have very sore feet."
Rory watches her mother walk around the corner, wincing slightly, before drinking the rest of the coffee. It's lukewarm but not entirely unwelcome in the fierce heat. Getting her camera out of her bag, Rory turns it over in her hands. She should get up and take pictures, that was the entire point of picking this café, but it's too hot to move. Sitting back in her chair, Rory's eyes drift around at the other customers, and then stop. Two tables ahead of her is a seat occupied by a guy who wasn't there before, a guy with black, wavy hair. The guy gets out a book and Rory's breath gets shallower. Jess.
It's not Jess, she tells herself. Jess is an entire country away, he is in California. Right now he's looking at an entirely different ocean than the one Rory swam in a few days ago. He isn't here, this can't be him. Unless Jess's dad is rich or Jess suddenly made a lot of money Rory is pretty certain he doesn't have the means to take a vacation in Italy, but, all the same, Rory can't stop staring. It looks so much like him. She has thought about this moment ever since she and Lorelai began their trip. Hundreds of scenarios have passed through her mind, moments just like these, where Jess is at the end of the street, browsing at a market, sitting in the same café. What would I say to Jess, if I ever saw him again? Thousands of words have been ruminated on, silently said and rethought and reworded as Rory travelled with her mother, laughing at Lorelai's jokes and taking pictures and pretending to be fine. You left. I may have loved you and you just left. I was there for you, why didn't you trust me? I thought you wanted to be with me. The questions spill on and on, turning from sadness to anger to a bitter rejection (one which Rory can never truly believe she would say) yet they all end the same: why? Here is her chance; the guy who most likely isn't but could be Jess is sitting across from her and Rory is frozen to her seat. The camera is clammy in her hands, the heat of the day not dispersing the cold anxiety and finally she forces herself up. Slowly, Rory walks between the tables, pretending she is moving closer to the ruins. Glancing down, she casually looks at the guy just as he looks up. It isn't Jess.
Rory feels relieved and foolish all at once. It could never be him. She might never even see Jess again and, as the guy continues to look at her, Rory awkwardly says, "Hi."
"Hello."
Rory tries to smile but just as she is about to actually walk to the ruins the guy asks, "Do you want to sit?"
"Um…."
"It's hot today."
"It is," Rory agrees, slowly lowering down. The guy is about her age, Italian, she thinks, and Rory nods at the book.
"What are you reading?"
He lifts it up, showing a novel Rory read last year.
"I've read that."
"You have? How is it?"
"A little predictable, I guess, but I liked it."
"I'm mainly reading to improve my English."
"But your English is so good."
"Ah, it could be better."
"Well, I can't speak Italian." Rory decides not to tell him about the cream and cheese incident with the coffee. If it were Jess sitting here, he and Rory would laugh over it for days.
The guy smiles. His hair sticks up at the side just like Jess's and Rory twirls a strand of her own between her fingers. He doesn't really look like Jess, now that she sees him properly, but the similarities are enough. Her heart is beating fast.
"My name is Alessandro," the guy says and Rory replies, "Rory. That's me."
"Rory?"
"Well, Lorelai really. That's my mother's name and she said guys name boys after themselves all the time so why couldn't women?" Rory pauses before she launches into the whole story and Alessandro laughs.
"I like that. You're American?"
"Yup. First time over here."
"I'm from here. Well, I live a few cities over, but I am visiting my family over summer."
"That's nice. I love it here."
"I do too, although I am biased. You must come back someday."
"I'd like that," Rory says sincerely and Alessandro smiles.
"Good."
He is looking into her eyes as he sips his coffee and Rory idly realises that he is flirting, he wants more than friendly conversation. These things were never obvious to her before. When did it become clear? When did guys start liking her? Rory is pretty confident in knowing guys never paid her much attention before Dean, but if they had she's certain she wouldn't have seen it, at least not right away. Now she knows, it's not the first time a guy has talked to her on this trip, and Rory doesn't even care. That was another thing she added to the list of things to say to Jess. I don't need you, there are plenty of other guys! It's true but Rory never means it. There may be other guys but right now she doesn't want them.
"Can I buy you a coffee?"
"That's okay," Rory says, getting up. "I need to meet my mom soon."
"How long are you here for?"
"We leave tomorrow," Rory says honestly and the guy shrugs, smiles, and scribbles something on a napkin.
"I'm going to this bar tonight, if you want to do something before you leave."
"Okay," Rory says after a moment. She folds the napkin, putting it in her pocket and lifts her hand in an awkward wave. Alessandro waves back, going back to his book. Turning, Rory walks away and down to the ruins, moving so she is out of sight. For a moment she simply stands there, the sun beating on her shoulders, until she shakes herself. Getting the camera ready, Rory starts snapping pictures, not bothering to line up the perfect shot. Jess would love this, she thinks. Not so much the architecture, but he would like seeing her excitement over it and let her talk him into reading a book on it. And even though Jess leans more to Lorelai's side on architecture being cool but not requiring hours of examination, he would sincerely say its existence after so many years is kind of amazing. Rory can almost hear him say it. Or maybe Jess would say something else, something she wouldn't expect, but would still make perfect sense and probably make her laugh. That was what Rory loves about him, his unpredictability, and she puts the camera down, taking a deep breath. Jess isn't here. He left, his unpredictability is unreliability and there's no point imagining what he would do or say. Rory hates this. Wherever they go, whatever they see, she thinks of what Jess's response would be, how much he would love the markets and offbeat shops and the entire new world she is discovering. Before she left, before he left, they were in the apartment over the diner after a movie night, talking about summer. Rory was lying against Jess on the couch, his hands in her hair, and looked up as he said, "Take lots of pictures."
"You know I will."
"Take pictures of everywhere you go."
"Everywhere?"
"Well, not the bathroom unless you're going for a modern art theme, which I totally support by the way."
Rory laughed and said wistfully, "I wish you could come with us."
"I don't think Lorelai would go for that."
"I know. I still do though."
Jess nodded, his eyes softening, and he gave Rory a kiss.
"I'll entertain myself while you're gone," he said, lightening his voice. "Ton of excitement right here in Stars Hollow."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. I mean, last year there was a run on snow cones – how can they top that?"
They both laughed but Rory sobered as she said quietly, "I'm going to miss you."
Jess had breathed out a sigh of agreement and Rory had felt her throat tighten. They lay silently for a moment until Jess said, "Go see Europe."
"Yeah."
"I hear it's pretty cool."
"I've heard that too."
"You know I'm waiting," Jess said and Rory smiled, giving him a kiss in promise. Jess kissed her back, holding her close to him. He broke his promise. He left her, Rory thinks angrily, he left, so why is she sad? Why was she momentarily disappointed when the guy wasn't Jess?
Briskly walking away, she goes back to the entrance of the ruins. Alessandro has gone, to Rory's relief. Rory carries on walking, pauses, and then takes a picture of the approach. The ruins are perfectly framed.
Lorelai is sitting by the entrance of the square, a large icecream in her hand, and Rory frowns.
"Is that your first icecream cone?"
"Second," Lorelai admits sheepishly. "Hey, you're back early. I thought I'd have to haul you out of those ruins!"
"It's too hot," Rory says simply and Lorelai nods.
"With you on that. I'm guessing you need an icecream too!"
"I do," Rory agrees although it doesn't appeal all that much. She takes the cone from the vendor, the vanilla cold and sickly sweet as she puts it to her mouth.
"So how were they? The ruins?" Lorelai asks, finishing her icecream and looking wistfully at Rory's. Rory shrugs, the icecream dripping on her fingers, and says, "Fine."
"Just fine?"
"They were ruins."
"Ruins you've been boring me with a book about since we got here!"
"They were fine," Rory says, stopping. "They were great."
"Jeez, sorry."
"No, I am….I'm just too hot to think right now."
"Well, I get that."
Rory nods, not bothering to tell Lorelai about Alessandro. She looks at her icecream and startles as Lorelai says, "If you keep staring it'll melt before you eat it!"
"I guess I don't want it that much. Here, you have it," Rory says, stuffing the cone in Lorelai's hands.
"You sure?"
"Yes. Enjoy."
Lorelai doesn't argue. They walk slowly around the last of the afternoon, getting pizza from a van for dinner and eating it by a fountain. The sound of the water is refreshing and Lorelai seems brighter as she asks, "So what's the plan for tonight?"
"Huh?"
"You want to go check out more of the town?"
"I'm kind of tired," Rory says. Alessandro's note is suddenly uncomfortable in her dress and Lorelai shrugs, tossing back her hair.
"It's our last night. Shouldn't we look around one last time?"
"Okay," Rory concedes and Lorelai smiles.
"Good. Don't worry Mom, we'll be in bed early."
"Haha."
As they get up, Lorelai spots an information board and Rory wanders over to it with her. Quickly scanning it, Lorelai announces she has a plan and Rory scoffs.
"You didn't even look at the map!"
"I did!"
"You glanced!"
"Sense of adventure! I saw enough!"
"Yeah, yeah."
Lorelai starts to walk away but stops as Rory lingers and, before she can ask, Rory says, "I just want another look."
"No serendipity with you whatsoever," Lorelai teases. "I'll be over here once you're done."
Rory nods, turning back to the board. Her eyes glaze over the map, the information empty, and slowly Rory takes the napkin out of her pocket. Without even reading the name of the bar, she quickly tears the napkin up and tosses it into the rubbish bin next to the board. Taking a deep breath, Rory walks to the fountain where Lorelai is waiting and tells her, "I'm ready."
They meander around the town. The air is cooler now as the sun has set but Lorelai and Rory walk slowly, looking at the town and its inhabitants and seeing the night settle.
"I could get used to this life," Lorelai remarks. She is holding a large cup of coffee, taking a sip for effect and Rory laughs.
"Really?"
"You couldn't?"
"I guess. It's a nice place."
"More than nice. The best coffee for a start."
"Luke would argue with that."
"Ah, details."
"It's not home though," Rory says and Lorelai nods, sobering a little.
"It's not. Going to be weird with you at Yale in the fall."
"Right," Rory says quietly and Lorelai quickly says, "Let's not talk about that now." She has broken their pledge not to talk about Rory leaving for college and Rory nods, not wanting to get into that right now. She looks across the street, seeing a bar, and her eyes land on Alessandro, the guy from earlier. He is sitting a table with a drink like before but without his book. Rory thinks it's him, she's pretty sure, but won't go over. What's the point? She's leaving tomorrow but even if she weren't Rory knows it wouldn't make a difference. It's too soon and her heart aches all over again. She said goodbye to Jess but really, Rory feels like she didn't all. Dammit, why can't she just move on? She said she wasn't going to pine.
"You okay?" Lorelai looks at her in concern and Rory blinks, drinking a large gulp of coffee to try and melt the lump in her throat.
"I'm fine. Can we walk a little more?"
"Sure," Lorelai says, putting an arm around her. "Forget I said anything."
Her mother must think she's upset about Yale and Rory doesn't correct her. Lorelai doesn't know that Rory cried herself to sleep more than once, that the only reason she was able to stop was because they were going to be sharing a room on this trip. She doesn't know much Rory has dreamt about Jess since they got here. Rory doesn't want to tell her, doesn't want Lorelai to see her hurt, because her mother knew Jess would hurt her. She may not say it but she'd think it and almost definitely tell Rory he wasn't worth it, and Rory can't believe that, even if she wants to, even if she thought about telling Jess that. He was worth it. She wishes he knew. If he doesn't, then does it mean Jess doesn't care? Rory has to believe he cares. He called her.
They walk around a little longer before finding the road that leads to the hostel. Rory stops so that Lorelai can take her picture and then looks back at the town one last time.
"Sweets?"
"I'll be right there," Rory tells Lorelai. "Just seeing the town before we leave."
Lorelai nods and Rory turns back, letting out a long breath, letting her eyes settle on the view. Rory thinks back to her trip, to all the pictures she's taken which Jess will never see. It doesn't feel like the ending she deserved. She has to move forward, she has to find a way. What can she say, if she ever does see Jess again? You left and I miss you. You would love it here. That much is true. She can't think of what else she would say, and perhaps it doesn't matter. She may never see Jess again. Taking one last look, Rory turns to find the path back. Her heart hurts but she can be without him, start her new life at college. It's enough for now, she thinks. Rory can make her own way.