Sometimes, you just gotta laugh at yourself. Based on the popular web series by MST3K alumni.
Old Ghosts and New Wounds (Riffed)
"Does it ever stop?" Julie-Su asked her directly. "The pain of it... of them staring right through you? Seeing you as nothing but a stranger..."
Bill: Sounds like Drake Bell after Josh Peck stopped returning his calls.
Sally didn't answer. The silence was telling enough. Nicole knew it was because the truth was like a bullet through the heart. She remembered when Rosemary and Amadeus reunited with Tails. It was truly more bitter than sweet.
Kevin: Sums up watching The Rise of Skywalker pretty well.
"P-Please, Miles, just... try to remember." Rosemary begged him, the tears welling in her eyes. "We're your parents. We love you. You... You have to remember..." She collapsed to her knees, her arms on the young boy's shoulders- as if she believed she could anchor him.
Bill: But unfortunately, she only succeeded in dislocating the boy's arms.
"M-Ma'am, please. I don't know who you are." Tails responded, clearly uncomfortable. "My parents died when I was very young, in a freak storm on West Side Island. I think you have the wrong person."
Mike (Amadeus): Say, hu- Oh, you're right! Our son wasn't a freak with two tails. Come on, honey, I think these things are infectious.
And with those words, her arms slipped off of his shoulders, unable to hold onto her child. Her tears fell, no longer impeded by hope. Amadeus knelt down, taking her arms in his, in an effort to comfort her. "I'm sorry, my so- young man. You're practically identical to our own child. We... lost him, recently. When we saw you... it felt too good to be true. And I suppose it was."
"You... had a boy named Miles?"
"Small world, isn't it?" He said, leading his wife away to wherever they could grieve.
Kevin: ~It's a small world after a-
Mike: Stop. Just stop, right now.
Bernadette and Jules hadn't been so... public, about their grief. Chuck chose to subtly question Sonic in front of them. Though they took the devastating news on the chin, in their privacy their sorrow was much more apparent.
Bill (Bernadette): He actually says stupid crap like "Baldy McNosehair"! Oh, god!
Kevin (Jules): I know, honey. I know.
"We just got him back... we were a family again... wounded, but together... he's so close, Jules. And yet..." She buried her head in her husband's chest. "He's so far. Why...? Why does that sick monster keep taking him away from us? Hurting him? Can we truly never be whole?"
"I... I don't know, Bernie. But we'll be there for him. He may not know us, but we'll be his parents, all the same..."
Kevin (Jules): We'll make him come over for awkward dinners surrounding stressful political discourse.
And of course, just yesterday, when Julie-Su saw Knuckles. For but a moment, Nicole thought he might've remembered her. That they wouldn't have to endure this tragedy a third time. His eyes lit up when he saw her, the excitement in his face evident. And she could tell Julie-Su believed that, too. The happiness filled her face, almost uncharacteristically. But when he spoke-
"Another echidna..."
Mike (Knuckles): And it looks like deviantart threw up all over her... maybe it was better that we stay extinct.
Their feelings of joy were shattered. Of course he was simply happy to see another of his kind. And she saw as the pink echidna fought down her sadness, suppressing the broken heart of knowing her soul mate did not recognize her.
How many more would have to endure this pain? How many would see their loved ones treat them like ghosts? Rob o' the Hedge? Hope? God, Knuckles' mother and brother were likely still out there...
It was... too much. The A.I. didn't know how much more of this she could take.
Bill: Actual recorded thoughts from the source code of Sonic Forces itself.
Hearts of the Team (Riffed)
She was ashamed to admit that it was… hard to believe for her.
Mike: Ah, looks like Sally got stumped by the idea of a corndog.
The Amy she knew was, in the end, still a young girl. She certainly had grown since they'd met her in Mercia, a bratty young girl who cheated on a wish to be older- at the time, she had only grown physically, not mentally. Eventually, she did "grow into her age", becoming a valued member of the team.
Kevin: That value? 25 cents.
From battling hordes of badniks on her own, to chasing off Moebius in a hedgehog havoc; knocking the Iron King for a loop, to helping Sonic and Tails on Team Fighters.
But she'd never matured fully. She still had plenty of moments where that little kid came back out. A preteen kid now, but nonetheless.
Bill: Nothing says maturity like being a successful child soldier.
Mike: It's what all the kids are into these days.
This Amy, though… becoming the Head of Communications for the entire Resistance… Keeping an entire army organized for six whole months… leading its daughter group, the Restoration, against an unstoppable plague, a losing battle no matter who you were- she may not have beaten it back, but her efforts no doubt gave Sonic and the others the time they needed to fix things.
Mike: Funny enough, all they needed to do was turn the slime off and on again.
It was no wonder she chose to step down afterwards. An entire year essentially leading an army… she never would've imagined the young pink hedgehog in such a position. But even more than that, she hadn't expected her to stand so tall when the world thought Sonic had died.
"How did you find the strength?" She had asked her.
Kevin (Amy): Meh, Sonic owed me a twenty. I had to see things through just for that.
"It wasn't easy. I was devastated when I thought Eggman had finally…" She shook off those bad thoughts. "At first, I told myself that I had to take such a position in the Resistance for Sonic's sake. But over time, his absence… forced me to do some introspection."
Bill (Amy): I really had to wonder- do I have one eye, or two? It still haunts me, Sally. It haunts me.
"I began asking myself- Who am I without him? What do I truly want in life? When this is all over, what will I do? And many other questions like that. Some of those questions I answered while helping Knuckles lead the Resistance, and leading the Reformation after. And in answering them, I gained a strength i hadn't had before. I'm Amy Rose- the romantic girl at heart, who won't stand to see people being hurt or see the environment be destroyed. And yet, I also realized I'm not the type to be some kind of general."
Mike (Amy): I'm more of a tyrannical monarch, really. Now bow down before me.
"When I stepped down, I thought it was just because I was tired, overworked. But fighting though Eggman's tower, taking a trip with Belle and Tangle, journeying to the Starfall Islands… I discovered that I want to be out there, adventuring and fighting. Most importantly… I wanna see the world, see the love the it has to offer, and share my own love with it in return. That's who Amy Rose is."
Kevin (Sally): I'm sorry, I zoned out, what were you saying?
"And... when Sonic returned?"
"Oh, I was happier than I've ever been. I glomped him the moment I saw him." She smiled. "But after asking so many questions about myself, I found myself reevaluating my relationship with him too."
"What did you find?"
Bill (Amy): Very questionable thoughts about his Werehog form.
"I went down memory lane. Rediscovered moments I wouldn't change for the world… and others that made my face want to cringe into a black hole. And even after everything I've come to know about myself… I still love him. But not because he's some dreamy knight who will whisk me off my feet and never think of anything else."
Mike (Amy): Although, for the record, he was a knight at one point.
Kevin (Sally): What?
Mike (Amy): Yep. Had a sword and everything.
Kevin (Sally): Ok, now I know you're screwing with me.
"It's because he is who he is that I fell in love with him. He's kind, compassionate, brave… he believes that everyone deserves a second chance. He can be brash, sure, but never thoughtless. Best of all… he thinks everyone should be free. Free to choose who they are, so long as it doesn't take away the freedom of others. Living by his way… his own way."
Bill: Obligatory song reference, check. One more space and I got Bingo.
It was true. This Sonic… similar in many ways to her own… but different enough. Whereas her Sonic was practically one with the Freedom Fighters, this Sonic wasn't one to stay with a group for long. His friends, sure, but he'd prefer to be an ally, not a soldier. Her Sonic loved to adventure, but would keep his life in Knothole with his family any day. This Sonic never stayed in one place for too long and was synonymous with the very wind. Her Sonic, she truly believed might settle down with her someday, but this Sonic…
Kevin: This Sonic's got the wonderful future of "troubled video game character"!
Bill (Sally): You know what, on second thought, he's all yours, Amy.
"He doesn't seem to be the type to be tied down by dating, much less marriage." She said without thinking.
"That's assuming that I want to tie him down. I don't want to change him. I just want to be alongside him, on our own personal journey. And I believe if he ever does return my feelings, that we'll be just fine."
Mike (Amy): Unless of course, he remembers some "old universe" where he actually had a girlfriend.
Bill (Sally): Y-Yeah, wouldn't that be unfortunate...
In that moment, she was reminded of a time when she clashed with Amy, while under Eggman's control. As she often did, she had poor words to say to the girl… but she was quick to rebut.
"Extrapolating your true motive… with my destruction, you would be free to court Sonic, correct?"
"How petty do you think I am?! I'm here to help my friend!"
Kevin (Amy): And by that, I mean Tekno the Canary, who's a few feet behind you.
In the end, her Amy seemed content so long as Sonic was happy. Perhaps… this had always been Amy's destined full potential- a girl with love in her heart and fire in her soul, all used to fuel one mean hammer. And while Sonic never gained feelings for her in the previous world, here… they certainly seemed much closer. Made all the more apparent when he zoomed in a few moments after their conversation.
Mike: Unfortunately for everyone involved, Sonic needed help moving his couch.
"Hey, Ames! I need your help! Zomom's rampaging down on South Island. He's a tough cookie, but I think your hammer could get through that thick skull of his. Mind lending your muscles?"
She patted her rather well toned arms. "Sure thing! I've been wearing my weighted rings again. That big bowl of lard won't find it so easy to shake off my blows this time." She turned to Sally. "You wanna come along, Sally? We could always use more hands when it comes to a Zeti."
Kevin: Ah, yes! bring along the cyborg to fight a monster that controls machines.
Bill: Ideas like that are exactly why she was the leader.
Sally gave a sad smile. "Sorry. Nicole's almost done tracking the energy signature, and its urgent we go after it ASAP." She couldn't help but feel jealous as Sonic picked her up bridal style and bantered with her.
"You ready, Former Cap'n Commander Rose?"
"That's Miss Former Cap'n Commander Rose to you. Now, let's get going!" With that, they rushed off.
Kevin: And ran straight off a cliff.
Mike: Fastest thing alive, especially when plummeting off into the ocean!
She was happy for them. Yet she couldn't stop the pain in her heart, all the same.
Bill: That's probably just the virtual reality chili cheese fries you had for lunch.