The mansion is awash with disgust. Poor Jasper is positively green at the gills. Rosalie has been dry heaving for the last three hours and I am trying to devise a way to bleach my mind of the ribald specters that shall now haunt my accursed perfect recall for all eternity.
Carlisle, that lecherous goat, has ensured our collective descent into this new circle of hell. He left his laptop, with search results for 'his n hers sexy teacher and naughty schoolboy costumes' showing on his browser, AT THE DINING TABLE. It doesn't matter that we never eat there, it is the symbolic importance of its desecration as the heart of a family home that matters.
I fear we shall have to raze the mansion to the ground and never speak of this again. Any other option would be madness.
Esme chuckled before sending a hurried text to Carlisle. From the lascivious glint in her eye I fear that she was not suitably mortified by this revelation of her debauched nocturnal fumblings with our father. I shudder to think that there might be worse than this in her depraved mind.
Carlisle did his best to pretend he wasn't embarrassed, indeed, from the thoughts running through Jasper's mind, he was nowhere near appropriately ashamed of this blighted situation. He called a family meeting to 'clear the air'. We refused to hold it at the dining table and were chastised for being 'childish' by the prurient couple.
The Cullens are truly all cursed. Jasper, Alice, Rose, Emmett and I are looking into group discounts on flights to Volterra.
A/N: Please leave a review! What will Esme do to annoy Edward? He's a mummy's boy, but no doubt she'll enrage him eventually.