It was hard to head home and feel the overbearing presence of my parents. Even Angela seemed more sensitive when it came to me. I would lie, telling them I was fine, but it didn't soothe their worry. It wasn't enjoyable and seemed only to worsen as Isaac began to follow their league in treating me much more nicely than usual - I had an inkling that Angela or Dad had mentioned what had happened.
This treatment only made me feel suffocated and bothered by their constant need to treat me like porcelain. I wasn't and didn't want it. I knew I was lying when I said it didn't feel good to have my parent's attention, but I didn't want them to observe me closely - more so than they already did. I had a feeling if they did, they would start noticing my instant avoidance of any surface area that could reflect my appearance.
I wasn't vain - at the least, but I did like checking out how I looked or pop the ordinary pimple. However, Angela had noticed. Had she told our parents? I suspected she hadn't mentioned it. Yet. I knew it was only a matter of days until she did. 'She's probably waiting to gather more proof to bring it up.' I thought, eyeing the suspect at hand.
Angela's hair was straightened and sleeked back into a ponytail, while my hair was down and messy due to waking up later than usual and not having enough time to comb through it. We have never looked so alike til today. As I had lost mine somewhere, I was wearing her dark red raincoat over a white long-sleeve tee and black leggings tucked into my grey wool socks and matching rain boots. What Angela was wearing was neater and fit for school, while I just looked lazy and ready to binge-watch movies.
Angela was currently driving us - she had taken it upon herself to be the designated driver to school as I had been hesitant about grabbing the keys.
"You're doing it again." She mumbled, pulling into the parking lot.
I blinked a few times, realizing I had zoned out, my eyes solely focused on the car's dashboard.
"I didn't notice," I responded, rubbing my eyes.
Angela pulled into a parking spot near Bella's truck; she was already out of her car, studying the chains on her tires. Once she fully parked the car, Angela faced me, and the keys were nestled on her lap. I sighed, noticing the look she had on her face.
"I'm fine." I groaned.
Angela furrowed her eyebrows, annoyed with the usual go-to response I had on the tip of my tongue, ready to spew out whenever I could. She laid her hands on my shoulders, forcing me to make eye contact with her.
"You're not okay, and you know it," She squeezed my shoulders for emphasis as she continued. "You keep telling Mom and Dad you're fine, but I see everything. We share everything. I know you're not fine, and If you want to keep it to yourself, that's fine, but what's not fine is lying to yourself."
I felt terrible and genuinely did, but having her call me out wasn't Angela's usual way of dealing with things. It was my way. I preferred that she not push the topic and let it go. At this moment - in the car - I began to feel like we switched roles. Angela was, by definition, the elder of the two of us. She was born first, but everyone assumes I was because of how we act. Angela was soft-spoken, introverted, and obedient. On the other hand, I was also introverted but was blunt and a little harsher - at times. We were similar but different, and at that second, I was beginning to see her as my older sister.
I knew I should have relented and told her how I felt, but I was scared. I didn't want to admit it in fear that everything I had dreamt would come back to haunt me, and I didn't think - no, I knew - I wasn't strong enough to go through that. Heck, I never claimed I would be. Never. I promised myself as I just glared at her.
"Don't you think you're being a hypocrite?"
Once the words left my mouth, I knew I couldn't take them back - no matter how much I wanted to that second, but I continued. Angela winced, letting me go as quickly as she had grabbed me a few moments ago, as if my words seared her hands from me.
"I heard Mom on the phone talking about you," I paused, feeling my gut wrench as I saw her avoid my glance. She was feeling bad, and right there, watching Ang struggle to respond or give any indication of an excuse, should have reverted me into keeping my mouth shut, but again. I knew myself too well - I wasn't like Angela; although we were similar, I tended to be horrible. It was an ugly habit where I needed to have the last word and ensure the other party was too hurt to respond.
"She was on the phone talking to Tia [Aunt] Julia. She mentioned you were having nightmares, too." I accused.
Angela's lips went thin. She looked like she was struggling to say something to ease my anger but also win this dumb argument. We both knew it wouldn't happen; she always gave in and never bothered arguing - she was too mature for it.
"You talk about not lying to yourself, but you've been lying too, right? You've been having nightmares and never mentioned it to me." You can hear the hurt in my words even though I attempted to hide it. It still stung, whether it be my ego or the idea that Angela didn't trust me enough to be there for her.
She gave me a dirty look, her eyes darkening. The soft features that displayed her kind smile were hard and cold. She looked hell-bent, which was what I wanted. Wasn't it? I wanted her to be just as upset as I was. "I know you're acting like a brat because you think I'm criticizing you for lying, but I'm not - wasn't. I," She paused, looking away from me and grabbing her backpack from the back of the car. When she finally met my gaze this time, her face softened, preventing herself from blowing up on me.
"I was trying to tell you. You don't have to lie because I understand, but you're so angry. Why? Because we care?"
Having her backpack on her lap and a hand on the door, she gave me one last look, her eyes no longer cold but pitying. Angela rubbed my shoulder, making me wince and looking away from her out of regret and guilt.
"You know, all the attention you're getting from one nightmare - I wish I got that."
I spun my head quickly to bite back a remark but didn't get the chance to. Angela was already out of the car, slamming the door behind her. Noticing the keys she left on the driver's seat, I had half a mind to leave them there to spite Angela, but I didn't wish to be locked out and be at school any longer than I had to. I grabbed the stupid keys that were smiling at my defeat.
'I should apologize.' lingered in my mind as I got ready to leave the car, but the anger bubbling inside wouldn't allow me to. I did my best not to show how her kind behavior made me feel horrible and undeserving of the attention I was getting when Angela wasn't and clearly wouldn't mind having.
I knew I was acting up from the fear I had jumbled inside and deserved to be told off by Angela. However, her sympathy and understanding weren't what I had thought would happen. I expected anger - to give me a reason to be upset; instead, she just made me feel even worse than before. I bit my tongue, deciding I needed to cool down. It was too early in the morning to throw a tantrum, "Be the bigger person.' as Dad always said when we got into it. I tiredly exited the car and went to Bella.
'A distraction is definitely what I need.' I thought. I was trying to pick myself up before my attitude got the best of me.
Bella raised an eyebrow, questioning my sulking mood. Her dark hair was down as she sported her brown jacket. I pursed my lips, contemplating informing her of my nightmare and the argument I just had.
"Tough morning?" she teased. I rolled my eyes, deciding to keep it to myself. "Pretty much." I sighed, leaning against her truck and watching her observe the Cullen family. I turned my gaze from her to them, spotting Edward's gloomy look, which piqued my interest. "Any news about Edward?" I asked. Bella reluctantly moved her gaze from Edward to me. She nibbled on her bottom lip, a fidgeting habit I was starting to notice she did.
"He apologized." I was surprised but also wasn't. "He probably heard about his nasty behavior affecting you," I muttered. Bella gave me a look as if to clarify. I used my finger and twirled it to emphasize the entire school. "Small town, word spreads fast. Remember?" She blushed, nodding in agreement or embarrassment. I wasn't too sure.
"You'-" Before Bella could finish her sentence, we snapped our heads toward a screech of a car. My eyes widen at the near collision that almost happened. As I was about to refocus on the conversation with Bella, I could feel my disbelief drip down my spine, watching Tyler hopelessly try to gain control of his van. He couldn't. There was no way Bella and I would make it out of the way before the car collided.
Tyler looked panicked as he rushed to turn the wheel, hoping it'd somehow stop the car, but by how icy the floor was, I knew it was useless. A heavy feeling settled in my gut as my head prickled harshly against my scalp, warning me of impending doom.
I felt Bella's hand on my shoulder, her grip tightening as we prepared for either option. One, being crushed to death, or two, miraculously surviving with only a few bumps and bruises. The van's tires skid through the cold ground, which made the van rush towards us even faster than before. I've never had an opinion of Tyler, as we have never interacted before, but today, I hated his guts. Like, I really hated him.
It'd be a miracle if we survived. 'We're going to die.' The thought didn't comfort me as I had thought it would whenever death came up. I was not suicidal, but the idea of dying - at an older age in my sleep - would be painless.
I closed my eyes tightly, my head now pounding with intense pain. It felt like forever before I heard the impact of Tyler's car hitting the rear of Bella's Chevy, causing my eyes to widen from the loud bang.
No matter how many times I've thought it through, I couldn't explain exactly what happened next for the life of me. My legs gave out, causing me to stare at the passenger door of Tyler's van as the car had rebounded and was making its way towards my face. I shut my eyes, and the intensity of my headache only amplified. Then, as quickly as it came, it released itself from its confines and left me.
The surge of power or fear sent my head reeling back, knocking against Bella's car full force. No doubt, I was going to have a nasty bump there. I groaned from the new pain that was spreading in my head. I pulled my knees closer as I covered my face, praying I'd walk away unscathed.
Waiting for the inevitable to happen was a nightmare. Especially since all I could hear were screams and cries. I couldn't move a muscle even when cold hands gently touched my head and pulled my face from my self-made barrier.
"You're okay." That wasn't Bella's or Tyler's voice, as I could hear him apologize repeatedly. This voice was more profound and calm. I blinked several times, trying to open my eyes, but the light was too intense. I kept them closed to save myself from any more pain and distress.
"Ellie!" I heard Angela's shrill screech. I winced, groaning at the loudness of her voice. I've never heard her yell like that before.
"Ellie!" I heard her again. I tried to open my eyes to let her know I was okay, but I couldn't. Everything was too bright, and my head was in pain once again.
"Bella! Eleanor! Are you guys okay?!" "Bella!" "Eleanor, oh my gosh!" The overwhelming screams of students and questions were too much for me. I felt like my senses were highly sensitive to everything. I knew I was seated on the wet gravel; I had tucked my knees under my chin.
'Great,' I thought bitterly. 'My ass is wet, and everyone is going to see.' I wanted to die from the idea of having everyone discuss my wet leggings but stopped myself once I heard someone call out they had the ambulance coming.
"Ellie, there you are." I could hear Angela's sobbing voice. Her hands were soothingly cold as she touched my head, angling it like mom would to ensure I was okay. I would have been annoyed having her touch me after we had a spat, but having Tyler's van seconds away from crushing us was grounds for having a truce.
"Are you hurt? Can you open your eyes?" She asked, her hands wrapped around my waist and arm, helping me up from my seat. I can feel the wetness of the leggings clinging more to my butt than usual. "I'm -" I caught myself off. I knew she'd get upset again if I lied and decided to avoid another losing battle, especially if she kept me from face-planting to the ground. "I think I slammed my head pretty hard against Bella's truck," I faintly said.
I felt drained more than usual. Was it because of the adrenaline leaving my body or the fact that I almost died? I wasn't sure, but I told Angela I needed to sit somewhere or I would puke.
The thought of Bella and I almost crushed seconds ago felt surreal. Once my feet were planted firmly on the ground, I felt Angela's soft, refreshing touch linger behind my head checking. She seemed to find nothing as she hugged me tightly. We usually didn't hug as often unless we were scared or were greeting each other after not seeing one another for days or weeks. I leaned my head on her shoulder, hugging her back. "I thought you were crushed or -." I couldn't hear the rest of her sentence as more voices came onto the scene, and I faded into unconsciousness.