[redacted childish handwriting]

O̶o̶o̶h̶,̶ ̶I̶ ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶p̶i̶a̶n̶o̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶m̶u̶c̶h̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶s̶i̶o̶u̶s̶ ̶V̶o̶l̶v̶o̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶m̶a̶r̶r̶y̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶s̶e̶x̶y̶ ̶V̶o̶l̶v̶o̶.̶

̶I̶ ̶w̶i̶s̶h̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶s̶t̶r̶o̶n̶g̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶c̶o̶o̶l̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶E̶m̶m̶e̶t̶t̶,̶ ̶h̶e̶'̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶b̶e̶s̶t̶!̶

̶I̶ ̶d̶r̶e̶a̶m̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶B̶e̶l̶l̶a̶ ̶a̶l̶l̶ ̶d̶a̶y̶ ̶l̶o̶n̶g̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶a̶t̶ ̶n̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶s̶p̶y̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶r̶o̶u̶h̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶w̶i̶n̶d̶o̶w̶.̶ ̶O̶n̶e̶ ̶d̶a̶y̶ ̶m̶a̶y̶b̶e̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶s̶e̶e̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶n̶a̶k̶i̶d̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶s̶n̶i̶f̶f̶ ̶B̶e̶l̶l̶a̶'̶s̶ ̶h̶a̶i̶r̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶u̶c̶h̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶b̶o̶o̶b̶i̶e̶s̶!̶

̶W̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶I̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶B̶e̶l̶l̶a̶ ̶I̶ ̶t̶o̶u̶c̶h̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶p̶e̶e̶ ̶p̶e̶e̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶i̶s̶h̶ ̶I̶ ̶h̶a̶d̶ ̶a̶ ̶b̶i̶g̶ ̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶E̶m̶m̶e̶t̶t̶.̶

Once again I have been humiliated by those onerous trolls Carlisle calls my siblings. Rosalie must have found my journal in my Volvo on the way home from school and purloined it like the yeasty toe rag she is. I am incandescent with rage.

Emmett has obviously taken it upon himself to add insult to already grievous injury and befoul the pages of this journal with his slanderous, and might I add illiterate, invective. Ninety years have not proven long enough for that lumbering troglodyte to learn even a rudimentary command of his mother tongue I see.

To take Bella's fair name and degrade our love in such a way is unspeakably cruel. His actions have been utterly reprehensible.

When I happened upon Emmett he was sat at MY piano, rumpled mop atop his head, giving a 'dramatic reading' of my most private reflections to Rosalie, Alice and Jasper, complete with wailing and shrill accent that sounded nothing like me. All four of the brutes were cackling and hooting. I immediately lunged at him, but was unsuccessful in my attempt to pry his meaty head from his revoltingly swollen shoulders. Esme intervened and so I fled the room in (very real) sobs.

Esme and Carlisle insisted they all apologise to me, but this offence shall never be forgotten. I am most deeply vexed and wounded. Needless to say I shall seek vengeance for this effrontery. I plan to make all of their eternities a living hell and then behead all of them at the earliest opportunity.

A/N: Please leave a review! Who do you think does the best Edward impression of Rosalie, Alice, Jasper and Emmett?