Running in Place

Kade sat himself in front of Frisk one day at supper. "What's going on? You've been sitting by yourself for two weeks now, and you don't have the creep factor like the Addams twins over there." He said, pointing towards the corner that Jack and Jill had claimed for themselves. "Usually there's someone who wants to ask you about soul magic, but the word is that you've been less and less responsive. Care to talk about it?"

Frisk shook their head. It was nearly February now. That meant it had been nearly four months since they had arrived at the school.

"You haven't dropped by my room to read since you brought more clothes for credit. Is my collection too small or something?" Kade asked. They both knew that his books had nothing to do with it.

"I'm stuck." They admitted, "I don't want to be stuck, but I am, and I don't know how to fix it."

Not even the snails on their plate could make them smile. If anything, the overcooked canned snails were just a reminder that they were stuck on Earth. Things in the Underground were better. Magical food was more satisfying than the processed garbage that Earth served. Who cares about FDA practices and all that stuff when fresh food actually had taste!

At this point, they might even consider trying a water sausage from Sans's hot dog stand. It might be a scam, but it was real food, fresh from the ground in Waterfall. A bit of magical ketchup on the side wouldn't hurt either.

They were letting their mind wander. Daydreaming about the Underground wasn't going to help them get back. Susie might have been a fluke, finding her Door as soon as she accepted herself. Jack hadn't found her Door yet, and they hadn't found a hole to jump in either.

Frisk was confident in their knowledge of what they were and what they valued. They were a red-souled human. They weren't a girl or a boy. They were determined to find a way back. They were determined to change their choice and fix their mistake. Determination was supposed to be everything they needed, but somehow, it's not enough yet. A small part of them briefly considered that their… fall… might have been a trigger, but they didn't want to test that. Not yet at least.

"What are you stuck with?" Kade asked, bringing their thoughts back to the real world.

"Getting back to the Underground."

"And?"

Frisk looked up at Kade, unimpressed. "And what?"

"And what else? It must be more than just that." Kade answered, "You've been standoffish for a month or so, not the whole time you've been here. The Underground and your lack of return passage isn't the whole issue."

They huffed. "Fine. I miss Susie. Happy now?"

"It's not about making me happy. It's about making you less of a grump." He said before taking a bite of his pasta.

Frisk stabbed their noodles and glared at him. They weren't being a grump; they were just frustrated that they were alone and had no more ideas about how to find a way back to the Underground.

"You don't know what you're talking about."

Kade pointed at them with his fork. "See? Right there. Pure grump energy."

"I helped Susie find her way back. She just needed to accept who was and see herself the way she was meant to be. I know who I am, and I have no doubt about it. So why can't I find a hole to jump into?" Frisk asked. They didn't expect a reply.

Kade hummed. "Well, what colour was Susie's soul?"

"Green. Why?"

"And what trait is green associated with?"

"Kindness. You already know that."

"What colour is your soul?"

"Red. Determination. What's your point Kade?" Frisk asked impatiently.

"Seems to me that you are two different people with two different colours." Kade commented.

"No duh!" Frisk exclaimed.

Kade continued, "So why would the same reasoning apply to you both? Susie needed to accept herself, be kind to herself. Her soul thrived in expressing Kindness. You're a red soul. So, you probably need to be determined about something to find your way back."

That made Frisk angry. "I'm already determined to go back. I'm determined to change my mistakes and I'm determined to be me, Frisk, not a girl and not a boy but just me. I will find a way back. I just need to know what direction to start looking in!"

"Okay." Kade paused and ate a few bites of his meal. "Let's go step at a time then. You're determined to go back to the Underground. Why?"

"It's where I belong. And I need to change my mistake." Frisk grumbled, humouring him for now.

Kade nodded, "Great. Why do you need to change it?"

"To change the outcome."

"Why?"

"So that I can stay?"

"Why?"

"To live where I belong? Where I can be me without anyone asking me stupid questions!" Frisk hit the table with annoyance. That earned them a warning look from Eleanor, but Kade waved her off.

Kindly, Kade offered a second opinion. "Hear me out for a second. You could do that on Earth. When you grow up and graduate, when you turn eighteen, work here. Eleanor and Lundy respect your identity, as do I and the other teachers. You'll be away from your parents and never have to answer to them legally again. Change your name, then register for a community college. Get a teaching certificate and teach here. Or earn your counselling license and take on some counselling work here. You'll never have to interact with the Earth proper again, just this little corner of misfits. You could be yourself and live comfortably unless you dislike it here?"

Frisk scoffed. "You're making a lot of assumptions."

"About what?" Kade was genuinely curious.

"Me. Growing up. I haven't grown at all since I fell into the Underground. I spent long enough there that I'm definitely thirteen by now, but I still look like an eleven-year-old. And don't tell me I'm just a late bloomer either. Thirteen or so is at the later end of when puberty kicks in and I get a growth spurt and my body starts changing and all the other stuff I don't want it to do. But all of my clothes still fit. My shoe size is the same. My hair hasn't even gotten longer and the last time it got cut was the end of August. That was almost six months ago!" Frisk paused for a moment to breathe and lower their voice, "I'm out of ideas and I'm stuck. I'm not growing up or growing backwards like Lundy. I'm frozen at eleven-almost-twelve years old and who's ever going to take that seriously?"

"We treat Lundy with the respect that her age and expertise permits her. My argument still holds." Kade returned.

"But I'm not smart like her! I can't just do whatever I set my mind to, study hard, and come out with a degree or whatever! I'm good at the things I like and bad at the things I don't like. It's the only thing that makes me a normal student. And teaching and counselling and working with lots of people like that? I don't know if that's something I want to do with my life." Frisk answered.

Kade considered carefully before posing the next question. "What do you see in your future?"

Frisk slumped in their seat. "I don't know."

The two sat in an awkward silence for a moment before Frisk excused themselves. They left their tray of mangled pasta in the designated drop off area and went back to their room. What kind of future were they supposed to see when they didn't belong in this world?

Everything Susie talked about made so much sense now. They might be stuck looking like a kid forever, meaning that their career prospects amounted to babysitting. Maybe. They weren't sure they even looked old enough to be a babysitter. They'd be stuck in this school until they died. The school wasn't bad, but they wanted to explore, adventure, go farther than the edges of the grounds here.

For now, they had the short trips into town once Lundy approved them. But how long would that last? After a couple of years, their lack of aging would be obvious. If they pretended to be ten when they started going into town, they'd have at best, three years. They didn't think they could pass for being any older than that.

Then they'd be stuck here with no escape. The only way out would be their Door back to the Underground. That, or some other deep hole. They weren't sure that it would even matter which one came first.

Depressed, Frisk ignored their homework for the evening and skipped group therapy that night. As punishment, they weren't allowed outside for the next week and had an extra private session scheduled with Lundy.

The extra session was meaningless to them.

The months ticked by slowly. Frisk turned over many ideas in their mind. For all that the conversation with Kade didn't help, he had a point. They were a red soul, not a green soul. There must be a different requirement for them to find their way back.

As June approached, Jill's appearance changed in their magical vision. Her skin paled and they could sometimes see the pointed teeth through her sneers and smiles. They sought out Jack in private to inform her.

"I see. Thanks for letting me know." Jack said.

Frisk gave her a small frown. "Does that mean you will be returning to the Moors soon?"

Jack shook her head. "It's still too early."

"What does that mean?"

Jack stayed silent, so Frisk left.

It was only two weeks later when a new girl joined them. Nancy, seventeen, from the Halls of the Dead. She had the slowest soul that Frisk had ever seen, glowing a pale cyan. It stood out on the gothic clothing that she adorned herself with. Frisk couldn't understand why Eleanor would place her with Sumi. Maybe it was because Sumi was the only girl left who still lived alone? (Maybe it was because Frisk still hadn't cleared out Susie's half of the room.)

When the first body was found, Frisk wasn't scared.

Sumi was discovered dead and missing her hands. Seeing her so still was unnerving. Frisk made sure to keep to themselves. If Kade wasn't spending his time with Nancy, they might have asked to stay in his room again.

Either way, dying wasn't something they were necessarily afraid of. Now, that didn't mean they'd go out of their way to try to make themselves a target. They spent the day reading in their room, staying quiet and out of the way.

When Loriel was found next, missing her eyes, Frisk started to feel concerned. Someone was targeting the students. Many of the others thought it was Jack since she was from a high Wicked world and had that previous incident with the franken-gerbil. Additionally, Loriel had antagonized her yesterday at lunch.

Before Jack and Jill ran off that day, Frisk was able to take a look at their souls. Jack's was pulsing quickly, as if it was in a panic, while Jill's thrummed slowly. What surprised Frisk most was that Jill's fangs had disappeared. It was curious, but not worth the risk to try to learn more.

It was good that they had a lot of practice at avoiding people's notice.

It was only after Lundy was killed the next day that they started to fear for themselves. If the killer was bold enough to go after a teacher (even one who looked like an eight-year-old), then anyone could be next.

That was when Jack approached them.

"Has anything changed with Jill?"

Frisk nodded and spoke quietly, "Her fangs are gone."

They didn't think that Jill was the murderer, but they couldn't take any chances. Frisk fled quickly when Jack got that calculating look in her eyes. Whatever she was thinking about, they didn't want to know.

The only way to be completely sure that they were safe was to find their hole back to the Underground and jump in. If they could find it, they could run away. It would be their best shot at finding it since running away the first time. They circumstances were the closest they'd been since returning to Earth.

If the hole was going to appear, then Frisk knew they'd need to be quick and quiet about searching.

Despite their fear, they were determined to move forward and find it.

As dusk approached, Eleanor enacted a curfew to keep the students in their rooms. Students were to keep track of their roommates to avoid having anyone alone. It was too bad that Frisk didn't have a roommate anymore. They snuck out of their room as the sun set and crept towards the grounds.

Frisk kept their eyes wide open. If another soul was nearby, they were ready to see it with their magic and hide. Since souls were bright, they should be able to spot another person long before they themselves were perceived.

The caution paid off as they passed the dining area. They spotted a very still cyan soul against the wall across the cafeteria. Unlike most souls, it didn't pulse with the magic of the user, it was as still as a statue.

Frisk hid behind some furniture and waited for the cyan soul to vacate the area, but it never moved.

Soon after, they learned why. A second cyan soul, beating rapidly with excitement, fluttered past the spot that the still cyan soul was standing. Frisk held their breath as the cyan soul strode into view to reveal the manic face of Jill. She was carrying a knife.

In that moment, Frisk was truly scared to die. They wanted nothing more than for the floor to open up and swallow them, because oblivion would be less painful than a knife. A knife that they couldn't defend against because they had forgotten theirs in their room.

Luck was with them for once, because Jill continued past, not even glancing in their direction. Fear kept them rooted in place while the slow souls gradually began to inch forward, in the direction that Jill went. For whatever reason they couldn't fathom, Nancy was following Jill. Were they in on this together? These murders started right after Nancy arrived, so she must be involved, right? Was she trying to bring more people to the Halls of the Dead with her?

Again, Frisk didn't want to stick around to find out. Once the fear lost its grip on their legs, they made a quick and quiet sprint for the door outside.

Screw the rules about being outside after dark. They knew the nearby trees well enough to not get lost. The outdoor education class spent most Fridays in the nearby trees, so they were confident. All they needed to do was be determined enough to find their way home.

First things first, they put as much distance as they dared between themselves and the school. Their feet knew the trails, even in the dark. Frisk approached the small clearing that the outdoor education class used for campouts, then continued onward. If anyone were to try to find them tomorrow, this clearing would be one of the first places that someone looked.

The idea was to not be found. Not by the killer, and preferably not by anyone at all. They were determined to find their way back to the Underground. Whatever Jill and Nancy were doing was none of their business anymore. It was too bad they left their knife behind, but they didn't need it in the Underground.

Frisk continued to walk for another half an hour past the campsite. Now, it was too dark to keep walking, so they stopped and looked for a good spot to sleep. A large tree and some brush gave them good wind coverage. It was a warm and humid night, so they weren't concerned about temperature. The only risks now were rain and bugs. The tree should protect them from the rain if they slept close enough to it, but there was nothing that could be done for bug bites.

Nearly one Earth year after running away, Frisk spent the night out in the woods alone again.

When the sun rose, they realised that they had also forgotten to take some food with them. To be fair, they intended to find their hole to the Underground immediately. Now they were sticky from the humidity and hungry, and still without a hole.

There was no time to waste. Once they found the hole, they'd be at Toriel's house quickly. She'd feed them and take care of them. She would be the family that they craved and teach them things and love them as they were. They would be able to be themselves and no one would question it.

All they needed to do was find a hole, jump down, then ask the voice to help them change their mistake.

Frisk spent the day wandering through the trees. In the morning, while it was still cool and they had the energy, they climbed. Any large tree with branches low enough to reach, they climbed. They hoped that getting a better view of the area would allow them to find a hole more easily.

It didn't.

Climbing the trees only wore them out and got them stickier and sweatier than they were before. On top of the night sweat, they were now dirty and had bits of leaves and twigs in their hair. Patches of skin were sticky with tree sap, and they wouldn't be surprised if, under the layers of dirt, their skin was swollen and red with irritated bug bites.

Toriel's healing magic would take care of those once they found their way back.

The afternoon was hot. The only good thing about being so dirty, was that the muck kept them mostly safe from sunburn. They could feel a light burn on their face and the back of their neck, but their arms and legs were fine. The sun overhead sapped away their energy and confidence as they continued onward. It was hot, and they felt tired and hungry. Sweat slicked down the back of their neck, and mosquitoes whined in their ears. For each one they killed, three more took their place.

As the sun passed through the sky towards the horizon, they eventually gave up on slapping the bugs away. They felt the pricks of the mosquitoes but didn't care enough to deal with it. They stayed determined and continued forward. They would find the Underground no matter what.

As night approached, Frisk expected to cool down, but they remained hot, tired, hungry, and thirsty. Their skin itched and their body felt like it was burning itself from the inside out. Falling asleep at the base of a tree felt more like passing out.

When they woke the next day, the sun was already well into the sky. The hunger was gone, but Frisk felt extremely nauseous, and their throat felt like someone had given them a carpet burn on the inside. They couldn't swallow properly, and their limbs were heavy. Trying to make a sound was impossible and their lips had started crack and bleed a little.

If they could just find a hole, this would all be over.

Frisk forced themselves to stand on shaky legs and trudge forward. They needed to get back to the Underground no matter what. They had to change the outcome! They needed to not be so selfish this time! They could live in a place with monsters that saw them as they were and wanted them around and then when they died, then all the monsters would be free. They would be a hero and in return, get the life they wanted. They just needed to get back and ask the voice to help them go back in time to fix the mistake and never leave.

They stumbled on a tree root and faceplanted on the hard ground. Pebbles scraped their face and pulled the raw sunburnt skin apart. Standing again was dizzying, but they had no choice. Each step made them feel closer to throwing up. The shade from the larger trees was slightly less hard on them, but by now, their whole body hurt. Their hands were soaked with sweat, and trying to grip the trees for balance was harder than standing on their own.

At some point while the sun was high, their ears started ringing. They supposed it was the silence finally getting to them. Wooded area like this shouldn't be silent, but they hadn't heard the bugs or birds in a while. It was strange. Almost as strange as the way the trees seemed to sway to and fro, in and out of their path. Once, they walked straight into a tree as it jumped in front of them at the last second.

Standing again after that was harder than tripping on the roots earlier.

They panted heavily and heaved. There was nothing to throw up. It still burned their throat as their body tried to eject whatever toxin it thought was in there.

Their whole body ached and burned. As they stumbled into a clear, flat area, Frisk passed out again.

Freezing water shocked them awake. Their arms and legs were stiff and clumsy, and it felt like they were being stabbed everywhere that their skin touched the water. There were three other people in the room, but they couldn't recognize them yet. The faces were familiar, but no names were coming to mind.

Frisk tried to scream in pain but could only make a hoarse choking sound. Their throat was too raw and dry for vocalising anything. They thrashed about, trying to get out of the freezing water, but they were too weak to have an effect. The other people there were holding them down and saying something to them, but the words just weren't making sense.

"Fever… danger… need… contact… awake."

Was it one voice or many? Was it the voice talking to them again? Did they make it back to the Underground? No, even if the water was as cold as Snowdin, there were no humans in the Underground. This was still Earth, and it was still hell.

Then the shaking started. Their body trembled and shivered so hard that when they bit their tongue, they tasted blood. Frisk felt sick at the gross taste in their mouth. They wanted to be sick, but they couldn't move as their body seized and shook out of their control.

"That's five minutes. Break and reassess."

Some people lifted them out of the water and wrapped them in a blanket. They struggled as the feeling of fabric against their skin was uncomfortable and made them ache. A stick was tucked under their arm, and someone held their arm down so they couldn't move. It didn't hurt but the feeling was extremely unpleasant.

When the stick started beeping, the person holding their arm let go and took the stick away too.

"103. It's coming down, but still too high. We need to get it down to 100, at least."

Their stomach lurched as they were lifted and put back in the freezing water.

The pain from the cold and their seizing muscles almost grounded them. The room was coming back into focus, and they could put names to two of the faces in the room. Eleanor and Kade. Eleanor was holding their upper body while Kade was off to the side, giving instructions. There was another student holding their legs. A blue soul, they saw. It was the girl who didn't know how to find fresh water during their first outdoor education class.

Something in their face or eyes must have communicated their cognizance to Kade, because he started talking to them directly.

"You can hear me now, Frisk?"

Frisk nodded.

"You have heat stroke. We need to cool you down as quickly as possible. An ice bath is the fastest way to do that. You're also severely dehydrated and a bit malnourished from the last couple of days. It's lucky that the outdoor ed class was taking an extra trip to lighten the atmosphere, or you might have died." Kade explained. He was wearing a strange face. Furrowed brows and a bit of a glare, but he didn't seem mad. Frisk wasn't sure they had the mental energy to try to figure that out right now.

They could feel the green magic pulse sharply behind them when Kade said that they could have died. Eleanor must be worried about the school's reputation. She already had three murders to deal with, maybe more if Jill and Nancy did what they wanted, and then they almost accidentally killed themselves.

What a terrible and selfish person they were.

"We're gonna get your fever down, then work on the rest, okay?" Kade asked.

Frisk assumed it was a rhetorical question. There wasn't anything they could do right now besides shiver in the icy water.

"That's five. Break and reassess." Kade said again.

Frisk was lifted out of the water and wrapped in another dry towel.

"Hold this under your tongue, if you can. It's more accurate than under the arm." Elenor said quietly as she handed Frisk the thermometer.

It was difficult to get the thermometer to their mouth. Eleanor noticed the struggle and guided their hand to the correct spot. A minute later, it beeped.

"101.4" Eleanor read.

"Close enough. Just ice towels will do now. Neck, underarms, and groin." Kade requested.

The girl from class wrapped some ice cubes in face cloths and passed them out to Frisk and Eleanor.

"Frisk, please put one between your legs and one under your right arm. Eleanor will hold one on the back of your neck, and another under your left arm. It's going to be cold, but we need to bring your temperature down just a little more. If your skin starts to hurt or go numb, just remove the ice, okay?"

They could follow the instructions. It was very uncomfortable, but the towel was giving the rest of their body at least a little warmth. Frisk nodded and placed the towels in the right spots. Eleanor did the same.

After a couple of minutes, they removed the cloths and checked their temperature again.

"99.5. We're clear now." Kade announced, "We're going to run a lukewarm bath for you to clean yourself up. I imagine you'll feel a bit better once you've got the sticks out of your hair and the dirt off your skin. We can't give you a hot bath because of the heat stroke, but a lukewarm bath won't drive your temperature up again. It should comfortable too."

The girl left to go start the bath and Kade turned around to start cleaning up. Eleanor stepped in front of Frisk and asked them what they needed. "Are you okay to take a bath by yourself? Or do you need someone to stay and help you?"

Frisk held up their hand and make a circle with their thumb and pointer finger while sticking the other three fingers straight in the air. They didn't know if they'd be okay, but they said so anyways. They didn't want anyone to help them with a bath like they were a baby.

"And is there any particular flavour of Gatorade that you like? We need to rehydrate you and sports drinks are the easiest way."

Frisk pointed to their eyes.

"Red flavour?" Eleanor asked.

They nodded.

"I'll get that ready for you while you have your bath. It's going to be plain toast and applesauce to start. Upsetting your stomach and losing liquids now could be very dangerous." Eleanor made to walk away but stopped just short of the door. "Frisk? I'm glad you're here and safe."

Frisk frowned as she left, but just accepted it. There was nothing else they could do about it.

They took their bath and struggled a bit to get all the dirt out of their hair. The simple motions of lathering their hair and scrubbing their skin tired them out quickly. Someone had brought some of their pajamas for them to change into. The loose, soft fabric was nice on their mostly clean skin.

Eleanor gave them a small bowl of applesauce, a slice of lightly buttered toast, and a glass of red Gatorade. After the last two days of not eating or drinking anything, the bland food tasted amazing, and the sports drink allowed them to start swallowing without pain.

For tonight at least, they were tired but numb. They thought they were probably supposed to be content, but they couldn't feel much of anything.

Frisk slept straight through until morning.