A/N: Edward and Bella have an email exchange in this entry, Bella's words are italicised. Everything else is Edward
[diary entry]
It was the last day before the summer vacation today. I shall miss her very badly, I know, but I know it is for the best that she be away from me. I have been thinking over how to best protect her. I should probably change schools, move to Seattle, or retreat to Isle Esme for the next year until graduation.
I have reached the difficult conclusion that I must confess my stalking and thievery to her. It is the only way to make her realise how dangerous and loathsome I am. If I can pluck up the courage to do this, then the rest should take care of itself and she will be driven away, free to spend her kindness on worthy companions.
I confided my plan to Alice and whilst she thinks it is unnecessary, she said this is the best timing, with the full summer apart before us. Alice has agreed to speak with Bella and check on her a few days after she has heard the full story of my depravity.
Recipient: Bella Swan wutheringdepths87
Sender: Cullen Edward edwardcullenemail
Date & Time: 06/16, Wed, 17:36
Subject: Re: A confession and apology
Bella,
I am sorry for doing this in writing. I hope you will understand after reading this email, that it was something you deserved to know and I did not want to scare you further by asking you to meet me in person.
I have chosen to do this now in order to give you the entire summer break to decide what you want to happen as a consequence. I am so sorry that this will no doubt be the cause of some stress for you.
First I would like to thank you for always being so kind towards me, I don't believe I have ever warranted such benevolence, nor is it typical of the behaviour of our peers, so I can only assume that it is in your nature to be so compassionate. Sadly, the compassion you have directed towards me has been most definitely undeserved.
I must confess that I have treated you most awfully, even though you were unaware of it and I am sorrier for this than I can ever truly convey.
Ever since we met a few months ago I have found myself drawn to you and I am deeply ashamed to admit that this led me to the most despicable actions. Bluntly put: I became obsessed with you, I loitered near your house as you slept, and even worse, I rummaged through your garbage, plundering items like a shirt and tights you threw out, a grocery list and most shamefully, a ball of your hair. I see now that I was attempting to possess pieces of you against your will. If you would like me to provide a detailed list of all the items I took, I will immediately do so.
Worse still, I did not realise how deranged and heinous my actions were until Alice discovered what I had been doing. I can now clearly see that my behaviour was not motivated by pure intentions. Although I was convinced that repeatedly violating your right to privacy was an act of devotion, I now know my only devotion was to my filthy obsession with you. I cannot expect you to believe me, but I am genuinely disgusted with myself.
I accept full responsibility for my actions and am willing to make a full confession to the police if you wish me to do so. I have spoken to my father and he will find me a new school for senior year from September if you understandably feel threatened or uncomfortable knowing that I am still at Forks High. I do not expect you to make contact directly, you can speak to any other member of my family instead.
I am determined to mend my ways and make sure I never again violate someone like this or behave so disgracefully.
Again, I apologise for communicating this to you by email. I doubtless would have lacked the backbone to say the words aloud that I need to write to you here. I should have sent a letter, but I know my courage would fail me before it reached your hands. This way I will hit send and know that it cannot be undone by my cowardice.
If you wish to contact me to express your anger, request I turn myself into the police, or ask for further details of my wrongdoings then you can email me at this address. I shall not contact you again unless you expressly request me to do so.
Sincerely,
Edward
From the desk of Edward. A. Cullen
On Wed, 16 June at 19:59, Bella Swan wutheringdepths87 wrote:
Edward,
What the FUCK? Stay the hell away from me.
Bella
-Previous Message-
Recipient: Cullen Edward edwardcullenemail
Sender: Bella Swan wutheringdepths87
Date & Time: 06/16, Wed, 20:12
Subject: Re: A confession and apology
1. Where is all this stuff you stole now?
2. Did you spy on me through my window?
3. How much did you see you fucking pervert?
4. Did you take pictures? Video?
5. Did you show your brothers and the guys at school?
6. Who else knows about this shit?
I don't think I'm done at all, but I am too mad to think straight. You're lucky you didn't tell me in person because I would have punched you in the face. You fucking scumbag
-Previous Message-
Recipient: Bella Swan wutheringdepths87
Sender: Cullen Edward edwardcullenemail
Date & Time: 06/16, Wed, 20:18
Subject: Re: A confession and apology
1. Where is all this stuff you stole now?
Alice said she told Carlisle and he destroyed it all immediately in a bonfire
2. Did you spy on me through my window?
Sometimes I caught a glimpse, mostly you were asleep so I didn't see you
3. How much did you see you fucking pervert?
You were always fully clothed. I am so sorry you have to think of this.
4. Did you take pictures? Video?
No. I sketched your ankles once after class though.
5. Did you show your brothers and the guys at school?
No, everything was hidden. I don't have any friends. I am not close with anybody.
6. Who else knows about this shit?
My whole family and absolutely nobody else. They are all very angry with me and think much the way that you do about it.
I am so sorry.
Sincerely,
Edward
From the desk of Edward. A. Cullen
-Previous Message-
Recipient: Cullen Edward edwardcullenemail
Sender: Bella Swan wutheringdepths87
Date & Time: 06/16, Wed, 20:18, 20:36
Subject: Re: A confession and apology
On Wed, 16 June at 20:18, Cullen Edward edwardcullenemail wrote:
1. Where is all this stuff you stole now?
Alice said she told Carlisle and he destroyed it all immediately in a bonfire.
I will be checking on this.
2. Did you spy on me through my window?
Sometimes I caught a glimpse, mostly you were asleep so I didn't see you. I guess I'll never really know for sure, will I?
3. How much did you see you fucking pervert?
You were always fully clothed. I am so sorry you have to think of this. Again, I only have your word to go on.
4. Did you take pictures? Video?
No. I sketched your ankles once after class though. Ugh, WHY? Please throw any pictures you drew of me out. Don't draw more.
5. Did you show your brothers and the guys at school?
No, everything was hidden. I don't have any friends. I am not close with anybody. Probably because you're busy stalking them, jerking off over their garbage and drawing their FUCKING ANKLES
6. Who else knows about this shit?
My whole family and absolutely nobody else. They are all very angry with me and think much the way that you do about it. Again, I will be checking on this.
I am so sorry. - GO FUCK YOURSELF
Sincerely,
Edward
From the desk of Edward. A. Cullen
On Wed, 16 June at 20:39, Cullen Edward edwardcullenemail wrote:
Dear Bella,
I will destroy the sketch of your ankles. It was the only one I drew of you. As to why: I thought they were beautiful. I'm very sorry. I won't draw you again.
Sincerely,
Edward
From the desk of Edward. A. Cullen
3 days later
-Previous Message-
Recipient: Cullen Edward edwardcullenemail
Sender: Bella Swan wutheringdepths87
Date & Time: 06/19, Sat, 15:43
Subject: Re: A confession and apology
I'm not going to tell the police/Charlie because he would shoot you immediately and I don't want my dad to go to prison for murder.
Why me? Girls are lining up to date you and it's common knowledge you never go out with any of them.
I think this is my last question for now. Again- don't contact me aside from answering this. I need some time to process all of this. It's a total headfuck.
On Sat, 19 June at 16:29, Cullen Edward edwardcullenemail wrote:
Dear Bella,
Why you? This is a complex question without a simple answer and I am not sure that going into detail about how kind or beautiful you are would do anything but repulse you further. I never know what you are thinking and you always surprise me. You're nice to everybody you meet because you have a good soul. You were nicer to me than anyone else ever has been, though I'm sorry I have made you regret that now.
I will leave it at that and of course I shall not contact you unless you expressly ask me to.
I am sorry for causing you so much distress. Thank you for letting me answer your questions.
Sincerely,
Edward
From the desk of Edward. A. Cullen
A/N: He really tried to say sorry properly. I wonder what Bella will think after she gets over the shock. Are you proud of Edward for doing the right thing? He could never make an honest man of himself if everything was built on lies and deception.
Oh, Edward uses AOL, because of course he does.
Massive thanks to the creative, kind and funny wh1teow1 for being beta for this story. Please show some love and read Moirai, a reimagining of Twilight for the new decade!
Just a reminder that Edward cannot continue being so atrocious to everyone indefinitely. It is time he ate some humble pie. He will come back to you in his trademark Bonerward/Prudeward style, but he needs to have a difficult adolescence first. Thanks for bearing with him.
I plan on uploading the chapters without comedy in batches so that those who are here for the laughs aren't too alienated by the tonal change and can whizz through them. I sincerely hope you will fall in love with him on the other side of all of this. The only way out is through.