Early this morning Alice and Jasper returned from their time in Europe in high spirits. The sudden loudness of Alice's energy startled me. I had grown accustomed to the quieter state of being alone with Esme as Carlisle worked and spending time absorbed in reading. It felt as if I had been thrown into a cold pool and my skin felt like it fairly stung from the shock.

Thankfully, Alice has forgiven me for my sordid transgressions. I had no idea she was so magnanimous. Mostly I have regarded her with derision and she has responded with equal disdain, joining in with Rosalie and Emmett's (much deserved) hate campaign of mockery.

Alice spoke with Esme about the library, which had come to her in a vision. She shared a brief flash of images from the opening event. There were many happy faces and the project seemed successful, though all I could really focus on was the split second I caught of seeing her across the room, back turned as she conversed with Angela. It felt like my heart was being tugged from my chest.

After they had unpacked, Jasper brought me gifts from their travels, beautiful clothes from Alice, her last attempt to update my wardrobe having been so derailed, and books in French and German: a first edition of Le Deuxième Sexe, and an original set of Rilke's works. I was surprised, they had not brought me a gift in many, many years. I suppose I had been so unappreciative and cold that they felt there was no point wasting their efforts. They were correct in that notion, of course.

It was most thoughtful of them. I thanked Jasper and apologised to him properly for causing his catatonia the weekend before he and Alice departed. He spoke diffidently of his shock at the intensity of my grief and loneliness. He gives me too much credit, saying he never knew how hard I was trying and how severe the pain was. More likely I was just more self indulgent than others, ever busy believing my pain and sadness was more sad and painful than theirs.

Jasper showed genuine surprise when he expressed how he had had no idea that was what I felt, because I tend to distance myself from my own emotions and disassociate from situations which cause me to experience any emotions. He says he supposes she has fractured the dam. He is surely correct, though I do hope to avoid troubling him with my inner tumult, it is most embarrassing for me to have lost control so utterly, and I am sure it is of great annoyance to him to be flooded by my useless feelings.

A/N: Please leave a review! Le Deuxième Sexe = The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir, this is a seminal feminist text first published in 1949. De Beauvoir was a philosopher, writer and novelist. She wrote "I tore myself away from the safe comfort of certainties through my love for truth - and truth rewarded me."

Just a reminder that Edward will come back eventually and this story will, once again, become filled with comedy, but for now he's still eating his humble pie. It'll all be worth it, I promise. Thanks for bearing with him.

I plan on uploading the chapters without comedy in batches so that those who are here for the laughs aren't too alienated by the tonal change and can whizz through them. I sincerely hope you will fall in love with him on the other side of all of this. The only way out is through.

Thanks to the creative, kind and funny wh1teow1 for being the best beta for this story please show some love and read Moirai, a reimagining of Twilight for the new decade!