A/N: In this chapter there is an email and a long text message chat. Bella's words are in italics, everything else is Edward.
Recipient: Bella Swan wutheringdepths87
Sender: Cullen Edward edwardcullenemail
Date & Time: 09/06, Mon, 20:11
Subject: Thank you for today
Dear Bella,
Thank you for working with me today. I want to say properly how lucky I feel that you have chosen to handle everything the way you have. I hope I have not made you feel uncomfortable, please do tell me if I should behave differently to help you feel more at ease.
I want to also express that the offer to change school still stands and will continue to do so right up until graduation. I don't plan to bring this up again, but I just wanted to be sure you knew.
I think your idea of a biography of self discovery is a really wonderful one. It should be interesting to write and for others to read and should hopefully be fun to do an activity each week.
What ideas do you have for our six activity weeks? It might be nice to do something with music, I like to play piano. Are you musical, Bella?
I thought we could read books the other likes and see if that gives us some insight. What do you think your favourite books say about you?
Aside from that I think we could look at things as exploring different spheres such as:
How we interact with the world around us and nature
How we find meaning in the arts, music and literature
What we choose to create when we are creative, as I think this can be quite revealing of one's inner landscape
An exploration of our spiritual outlook on life
How we overcome challenges
An activity that gives us a new outlook and shows us how we adjust in response
I'm not sure if any of these suggestions would interest you, sorry they are still a little vague, but I'm curious as to your thoughts.
Sincerely,
Edward
From the desk of Edward. A. Cullen
[The remainder of the chapter is a text message chat that takes place between 8:29 and 10:20 on the evening of September 6th]
Hey Edward, it's Bella.
This'll work better than emails for deciding the project activities,
as I think there'll be a lot of back n forth
Thank you for your message. This is Edward.
I know it's you, ya doofus. I messaged you.
Oh, of course. Sorry.
What are your ideas so far for activities to help us learn about ourselves?
Do you like music? I play the piano, maybe we could try something with music.
I think we should do things we don't know if we will be good at or not.
I see, that makes sense.
Also I am terrible at music. I have no rhythm at all and am tone deaf.
We should push ourselves a bit. So no suggesting things you've done before, or you're already good at, like piano!
We need to be brave Edward!
You're already brave.
I'm not brave, I'm just not scared of you.
What else ya got?
So does that mean we should tell each other what we're scared of?
Yeah, but let's do it in stages and just keep it light for now, ok?
Phew!
You first, Edward.
I'm scared of being alone forever.
LIGHT Edward! Jesus!
Sorry.
I'm scared of heights. I feel dizzy just thinking about them.
Vertigo
That's a cool film.
You like it? I saw it at the theatre a long time ago.
Lucky!
But yeah, I wonder if I should go skydiving or something, but that's really expensive.
I'm sure we can find something.
Sometimes I went cliff diving before, off the coast,
but that's far too dangerous. We shouldn't do that.
What about the top diving board at the pool? That's safer.
Are you sure you'd want to?
No, but I think that's why I should do it.
That's true. We can do something else first, why don't you take some time to think it over?
What about you? Keep it LIGHT this time.
I'm not scared of snakes or spiders or anything. Or heights. I'm mostly scared of things to do with socialising.
Like what?
People laughing at me, or doing the wrong thing and looking foolish.
I'm scared of you.
Good! You should be haha!
So what else could we try for the project?
What about photography? The school has a darkroom.
I'm not going in the darkroom alone with you Edward.
Public spaces only.
Sorry to be blunt.
Of course, I'm sorry.
I haven't made art since I was a freshman. I am terrible at drawing.
I'm sure you're not that bad.
I think I made my teacher cry.
Really? Oh dear!
How bad I am at drawing isn't the kind of thing that can be put into words.
If you piss me off I'll draw you as revenge haha!
That bad?
I'm curious now.
Anyway!
Developing photos always looks fun in the movies.
Angela takes pictures for the school paper, so if Angela
and Ben can help us in the darkroom I'd like to try it.
Let's put that on the maybe list and stick to public spaces for now.
Good idea.
Can you cook?
I've never cooked before.
Of course you haven't lol.
How about you?
I cook at home every night,
but I'd like to try something I've never done before.
Every night? Aren't you tired after school?
Yeah, but not as tired as Charlie after work. I've always cooked.
I see. What is your favourite thing to cook?
I'm not a master chef or anything. Probably just lasagna.
And what would you like to learn to cook?
Maybe pasta making, or ….. IDK
Something Charlie will eat!
You should do it just for you though.
If you usually cook with your father in mind, I mean.
What would you like to cook if Charlie's tastes didn't matter?
Hmmmm…
Sushi?
Or something weird like tofu making.
Charlie wouldn't ever eat tofu.
That seems like a nice idea.
I'll check out what cooking classes are on in Port Angeles this month.
Thanks. Nothing too expensive please!
Sure.
[5m later]
I asked Jeeves if there are any classes or workshops in Forks this month.
Who?
Jeeves. The man on the internet who helps you.
Is he your online friend or something?
He's famous. I thought he was, anyway.
I've never heard of him.
This is Jeeves.
[Posts picture of his Compaq Pressario 1400 laptop on his desk with the Ask Jeeves search engine open. Edward, of course, doesn't know how to take a screenshot, so just photographs his entire desk to show Bella*]
Edward. Why does your computer look like it's clockwork or something?
Sorry?
All your software looks like it's from the second world war.
What are you using? An Enigma Machine? What OS are you on?
OS?
Operating system.
Go to the start menu and click Settings, then System, then About.
Got it.
It says Windows XP.
KJSHDFKJSGFHKDSAJFLS
Are you ok?
No.
Bella? Do you need help?
No. You need a new computer though.
I only just learned how to use this one,
if I get a new one it will take me another decade probably.
[Bella posts a photo of an old man looking confused while trying to use a computer]
Is that your grandfather?
[Bella posts a meme she made titled 'Edward logs on mood board' containing a grid of 9 images: 3 stock photos of seniors struggling with computers, a steampunk 'clockwork pc', a screenshot of popup ads circa 2000, a fake anti virus malware site screenshot, someone typing with two fingers, screenshot of a Windows error message stating 'task failed successfully' and Ask Jeeves with the caption 'greetings intensify']
[Edward disappears for about 5m]
Sorry. I'll stop being mean.
[A further 9m later]
My battery died, sorry!
Jeeves!
I told you he was famous.
Oh. I didn't realise you were being mean.
Well. That is a bit what I'm like on the internet. Sorry I'm so bad at it.
Hey, it's just a joke. You're just doing things your own way. Whatever works. Don't let me make you feel bad.
At least I now have zero fear that you cyberstalked me.
Ugh. I tried. I'm sorry.
I couldn't find you.
Not surprised in the slightest.
I did find Jessica Stanley's blog though.
My condolences.
Quite.
[22m later]
What about learning a language?
My Spanish is ok. Not horrible, not great.
We could learn about different ways to see the world,
like other perspectives.
Maybe we could try something new? French?
I can speak French already.
You can?
Say something in French.
'L'humanité est mâle et l'homme définit la femme non en soi mais relativement à lui ; elle n'est pas considérée comme un
être autonome. « La femme, l'être relatif... » écrit Michelet. « Le corps de l'homme a un sens par lui-même, abstraction
faite de celui de la femme, alors que ce dernier en semble dénué si l'on n'évoque pas le mâle... L'homme se pense sans la
femme. Elle ne se pense pas sans l'homme. » Et elle n'est rien d'autre que ce que l'homme en décide ; ainsi on l'appelle «
le sexe », voulant dire par là qu'elle apparaît essentiellement au mâle comme un être sexué : pour lui, elle est sexe, donc
elle l'est absolument. Elle se détermine et se différencie par rapport à l'homme et non celui-ci par rapport à elle ; elle est
l'inessentiel en face de l'essentiel. Il est le Sujet, il est l'Absolu : elle est l'Autre.'
It's from The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir
Is that a smutty book or something?
No!
It's a feminist theory book.
I thought I should learn more about feminism. Well, Alice suggested it, but she was right.
It means 'Humanity is male, and man defines woman, not in herself, but in relation to himself; she is not considered an
autonomous being. "Woman, the relative being," writes Michelet. Thus Monsieur Benda declares in Le rapport d'Uriel
(Uriel's Report): "A man's body has meaning by itself, disregarding the body of the woman, whereas the woman's body
seems devoid of meaning without reference to the male. Man thinks himself without woman. Woman does not think
herself without man." And she is nothing other than what man decides; she is thus called "the sex," meaning that the
male sees her essentially as a sexed being; for him she is sex, so she is it in the absolute. She is determined and
differentiated in relation to man, while he is not in relation to her; she is the inessential in front of the essential. He is the
Subject; he is the Absolute. She is the Other.'
Alice bought me the book in Paris this summer.
You went to Paris?
Also I agree with Alice, it's a good idea for you to learn about that.
No, I didn't go to Paris. Alice went with Jasper.
The book was a souvenir from them. I stayed here.
I went to Alaska briefly.
How come?
I just wanted to be alone for a little bit I think. I didn't feel great about coming back to school after what I did.
Anyway Alice bought me the book in French, so I could read the way nothing gets lost in translation.
Wait, so you can read feminist theory in French?!
I suppose I can, yes.
I spend all my free time alone, so I do things like learn languages,
play piano or read. So I have learnt five languages so far.
Five? What are they?
Spanish, French, Portuguese, Italian and Japanese.
And English.
Six then.
What about sign language?
I think that could be interesting and we could learn a new perspective.
Let's try it. I like that idea. I don't know much about sign language either,
but it doesn't have the same kind of grammar as the languages I know.
You don't tend to move your face or hands around when you speak.
You never know, it might help you overcome that nervousness.
Yes, I am always very nervous about being expressive.
Why?
I don't want to draw attention to myself.
Or be laughed at.
You're a very serious person Edward.
Proud is a better term I think. I've always been too proud.
You're anxious too though and I think the pride comes more from that,
because you don't seem confident in the slightest.
I'm not. I don't see much to be confident about in honesty
Have you ever tried talking to someone about it? Or meditation, or yoga or something?
I don't think I got enough perspective on any of it until this summer.
We could try meditation. I am good at siting still and being quiet,
but I think there is a little more to mediation than just that.
It might make me stay in the present moment.
I tend to disassociate a lot if I find things too much.
True. Sometimes I thought you must have slipped into a coma in bio you were so still.
So let's try meditation. It should be interesting.
Ok, let's put it on the list.
So far we have cooking,
doing something that is facing a big fear for each of us,
learning sign language and meditation. And possibly photography.
I'd like to try something creative.
There are some half day workshops at the community college
in Port Angeles next month.
They're $25 for high school students to join.
Is that too much? They are offering calligraphy, pottery,
life drawing, printmaking and digital photography.
That's not too much. I'd love to try pottery. What's life drawing?
Um.
It's drawing nude models, like classical artists used to.
Right.
We can do pottery.
It could get messy, but I've never done
it before and It would be a nice way to learn about self control
and making mistakes. From what I've seen on television using
a pottery wheel is a difficult thing to master, so it might be good
for me, as someone very controlling to try. It feels a bit scary,
so that means we should try it, right?
Yup. Add it to the list!
OK.
How about gardening? That would be affordable and would be a
longer term thing we could try over a few weeks. I've never tried
to grow anything, but Esme has a lovely garden, I'm sure she
could help us get started.
Nice idea. I haven't tried gardening before either.
If you could grow anything, what would you grow?
I'm not sure. I have a cactus I brought with me from phoenix.
It doesn't look very healthy though, the Forks weather is too dreary for it.
Flowers or vegetables?
I think flowers are faster, vegetables might take too long.
True, lets try to grow some flowers then.
Not too girly?
No. I like flowers. I don't think girly things are bad, anyway.
Most of my hobbies are ones Emmett would call girly.
So perhaps I don't really look at things that way particularly.
That's good. Too many of the guys at Forks High are hung up on that stuff, on being macho.
Nobody would ever call me macho.
No, but it's not a very interesting thing to be, so I wouldn't let that bother me if I were you.
There are six things on our list now:
Cooking
Learning some sign language
Meditation
Pottery
Gardening
Maybe photography, or we can decide on something else in future.
And also, asides from that facing a fear (heights for me, something else for you).
Anything else? I'm getting sleepy.
Oh! I'm so sorry for keeping you up late.
It's fine, I think we made some progress, so it'a all good.
I have one more idea for the biography project,
it's unrelated to the list we just made though.
I don't think I ever did show and tell as a child,
but maybe we can share an object each week
that we think says something about us and see if that
helps us to gain insight into ourselves and each other.
That's a great idea.
So bring something to school next week on Monday and we'll do it then.
Sounds good.
Right, I'm turning in.
Sleep well Edward.
I never do. I hope you do though.
Thank you Bella, really.
See you in class.
A/N: A/N: Please leave a review! Thanks so much to my wonderful beta wh1teow1, please show some love and read Moirai, a reimagining of Twilight for the new decade!
*Ask Jeeves search engine was active from 1997-2006. RIP Jeeves, RIP.
The Compaq Pressario 1400 had a *business card holder* built into the case. I thought Edward would have been sold once he laid eyes on this feature.
I wish FF let me post pictures, as I made images of Edward's computer, memes Bella made roasting his tech abilities and so on, but if you'd like the full visual experience (recommended) you can join the Facebook group 'The Journal of Edward Cullen', PM me for a PDF (to be published upon completion of Volume 2), check out this story on An Archive of Our Own (story title and my username are the same, I just got my invitation yesterday, so the story should be up by April 2021 if not before), which allows pictures to be posted, or just use your imagination I guess.
Edward somehow uses defunct websites all the time, they can also use iPhones and also be looking after their Neopets all at the same time. Just in the way that Edward uses British spellings (because I'm British) and how he talks far more like a Victorian than someone who was a teen in the 1920s, some aspects of my story are deliberately fungible. Please don't let this bother you, it's just a way to make the story work, I'm a huge Twin Peaks fan and the timeline for that whole world is very unclear and sometimes deliberately directly contradicts itself within canon.
Have you seen Twin Peaks? Who is your favourite character?