"Susu, this life of mine has been hard. I'll let you end it for me."
Tantai Jin. I wanted to protect you, but I fooled you time and time again.
"You can change the fate of the three realms… just like how you changed mine."
I wanted to save you, but I shot six Soul-slaying Nails into your heart.
"Kill me, and the All-in-Distress Way will be destroyed too."
I used to wish to live a full life with you, but now, we can't grow old anyway.
"It's okay."
I have a lot of things to say to you, but I'll say it when we meet again.
"All right."
When they kissed, she tasted his bitter tears, just as he tasted hers.
I didn't realize that this existence of mine is destined for the death of you.
A ray of light shot through Tantai Jin, seeking and breaking the evil bone in his body.
"Let go, Li Susu."
No. With the Devil God gone, the world won't need a god anymore.
Let me hold you like this… for now.
"All right."
His warmth surrounded her, and the smell of pine wood, his scent, lingered even as she lost consciousness.
Li Susu opened her eyes.
A heavy lethargy bore down on her body, making her unable to move even her fingers. Where am I? she thought as she strained to raise even just her hand. Gradually, she felt strong enough to lift herself from the ground, and adjust her eyesight to the darkness.
She glanced around, trying to figure out where she was. All she knew was that the floor and the walls were made of hewn stone, and judging by the overgrown weeds and junk littered around her, she must be somewhere closed off from people.
She found a set of stairs leading to an upper floor. Somehow, the sight of the stairs evoked a vague memory for her, and as soon as she felt strong enough to walk, she raised herself up and stood facing the stairs.
"This was the place I desired most to go when I was young."
Unbidden, a voice from her memories resounded in the silence of the room. At the sound of that voice, suddenly, Li Susu knew where she was.
"Tantai… Mausoleum," she whispered.
Why am I here?
Li Susu walked up the stairs with an inexplicable trepidation in her heart.
I should be... dead.
The musty smell of an abandoned place, enforced by the overgrowth of tangled weeds peeking through the broken cement, and the random pieces of junk scattered all over the place filled her nose as she took each step upwards.
Am I already a ghost who haunts this place? If so, why here, and why isn't he here?
As she rose one step higher, a faint memory from a lifetime ago called out to her, and his voice accompanied her every step as she went towards an unknown place.
"I give you the chance to pick a parcel of land where you'd like to be buried."
"Stop showing off. Who said I'm going to spend my lifetime with you?"
At the top of the landing, Li Susu paused. Behind tall weeds, two tombstones faced her, standing side by side. She moved closer to make out the writings on the stone, but time and natural forces had corroded some of it, making it absolutely unintelligible. Gathering her newly-found powers, she cleared away the present, and returned the place to another time when it was last used.
Her breath caught in her throat.
The first tombstone was marked "The tomb of Ye Xiwu, the loving wife of Tantai Jin".
The second one was marked "The tomb of Tantai Jin, the husband of Ye Xiwu."
The style of writing etched on both tombstones were the same.
The sight of the marked stones broke the goddess' heart into a million tiny pieces, the pain no less than the pain that Tantai Jin carried in his heart for 500 years. She touched the writings on the stones, and the touch conjured up an image of a man clad in red and green wedding clothes holding up a chisel and painstakingly marking words on the stone. The first image faded, and as she touched the other marker, the touch showed her another image of a white-clad man using his immortal powers to engrave the words on the stone.
The two tombstones were lovingly marked by a lonely soul who had only wanted to love and be loved. Li Susu felt his anguish, and his sorrow, his worries, and his pain, as she watched Tantai Jin's last moments at the mausoleum.
She watched him approach the tombstones in the Devil God's robes, then after a few moments, change into Cang Jiumin's immortal disciple robes. Her heart throbbed in pain as she looked at the man clad in pure white, appearing in front of the tombstone of the wife he had loved so desperately, despite the pain and betrayal she had caused him. He stood before the memorial of the woman who had lied to him over and over again, and changed into the pure white robes of a cultivating immortal disciple just because he thought she wouldn't like it if he appeared before her in the awful Devil God's clothes.
Tantai Jin, you fool. All I ever wanted was for you to be yourself.
She watched him touch Ye Xiwu's marker, reminiscing the moments they had together in Jing kingdom. He stood, and turned to the other tombstone, carving a memorial for himself with the immortal powers he had cultivated during his time at the Xiaoyao Sect, with no taint of the Devil God's powers. After his labors, she watched him conjure up an image of her, to console him before his impending doom. Her breath caught in her throat at the words her imaginary image uttered.
"You are Tantai Jin. You are the one I love the most."
Li Susu fell down on her knees, weeping bitterly, the tears darkening and then disappearing into the dirty floor of the mausoleum. Tantai Jin's image walked past her, the pure white clothes turning into the black and red trappings of the Devil God, the emotions of the cultivating disciple disappearing into the cold, stony exterior of the Devil God. The memory faded, leaving her alone in the darkness of the dank, dreary, and abandoned mausoleum.
It turns out that Tantai Jin had already known he was going to die, surrendering to his fate that had already been written out for him before he was even born. He carved his own tombstone, pretending that she had lovingly carved it for him in memory of her love for him. He had imagined an image of her who said all the words he wanted to hear from her, words that she promised to say to him, but never did, and could never do anymore.
All of this, Tantai Jin did alone and hopeless, knowing that her love for the world far outweighed the love she had for him, and giving her up for the sake of the world. He held his love for her, a pure and precious thing, so close to him that the might of the Devil God couldn't corrupt him, and it became his strength to sacrifice his life to save the world she loved.
His voice seemed to echo in every part of the room. Ye Xiwu. The one I love the most is you. The reason why there's love in me is because that person is you.
Li Susu trailed a finger down the carving on the tombstone, caressing each stroke on his beloved name. Tantai Jin, the one I love the most is you. I understand that now, but why did you have to leave for me to realize it?
His smile seemed to brighten up the darkness in the room. Even if we stay at Hengyang Sect, I'll be with you. No other scenery is better than being with you forever.
She remembered the kiss under the trees beside Heaven Lake as flower petals fell all around them. The sweet scent of the flowers, coupled with his pine scent around him filled her memory. She remembered his brilliant smile at her during that Pohang festival as they flew up towards the night sky, away from the prying eyes of the people. You are Tantai Jin. No one else.
But what worth did the words have if the person she yearned to say them to was already gone? What worth did those memories have if there was no one to reminisce with?
You let me hold you… but why did you let me go and leave me behind?
"You lied to me, Tantai Jin," Li Susu whispered brokenly, tears flowing relentlessly down her face.
If I break my promise, may heaven and earth end my life. May my soul perish with my body.
"You lied to me again…"
Her tears couldn't stop. As long as the pain of losing him burned in her heart, her tears could never cease.
Tantai Jin… come back to me please. Come back to me even in my dreams. Don't leave me alone like this...
Suddenly, a white-hot pain burned through her chest, and she fell down in front of the tombstones, rendered unconscious by the pain.
So this is what it feels like to die of a broken heart, Li Susu thought as she blissfully floated through the void of unconsciousness, blessing the freedom from pain as she was stripped of all senses. Tantai Jin, you lied to me, but I'll come to you myself.
And we'll never be apart again this time, I swear.
xxxxxxxxxxx
Li Susu opened her eyes.
The pure, clean smell of the lake wafted towards her nose, calming her spirit as her eyes blinked to adjust to the glare of the sunlight. As she put her hand up to block the light, a shadow covered her face and a hand enveloped hers.
"You're awake, Li Susu," a voice above her said.
Li Susu opened her eyes again.
Looking down on her with a smile in his eyes was Tantai Jin's face.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
A/N: Hello and welcome to my second fanfic for Till the End of the Moon, the c-drama that never let me go. xD Here is my attempt to write up a HE for all of us lost souls who need closure... the open ending is not bad, but it's precisely because it has an open ending that fanfics like this exist.
With work coming up tho, I could only promise to update this story once a week, every Saturday. So let me know what you think! Read and review please!