One day, Beast Boy and Cyborg had just started dancing to some music, celebrating a special occasion. They were holding their respective communicators.
"Alright baby! Booyah!" Cyborg hollered.
"Now that's what I'm talking about!" Beast Boy cheered. The rest of the titans entered the room, holding their respective foods that were partially eaten and drank on the way back.
"Hey guys. What's gotten you two so happy?" Robin asked.
"Me and BB just took a 50 question online testing game on how well we knew each other as best friends!" Cyborg told them.
"Check it! We have the same favorite videogame called Space Rings, root beer as our favorite sodas and one of our favorite past times is playing pranks!"
"Oh glorious! I am so glad to hear you guys having everything in the common!" Starfire remarked joyfully as she hugged the two together.
"Not everything Star." The changeling pointed out. "We got a 47 out of 50."
"Yeah, but that's to be expected." Cyborg shrugged. "You can't always like everything."
"So what's the differences?" Robin inquired.
"Let's see." Checking their communicators, they scrolled through the list and Beast Boy first said,
"I like comedy movies while Cy likes sci-fi. Though we both appreciate when they combine."
"BB prefers today's pop while I enjoy 80's rock more." Cyborg continued, and finally both said,
"Last is my favorite food is burgers/burritos." The two gasped from this.
"Ah! That's right! Yo a carnivore, dude!" The green teen pointed at Cyborg.
"You know I am, bro! I love the juicy, delicious taste of meat and the savory smell!" The metallic titan defended, not appreciating being pointed at like that. "It's your tofu that tastes like nothing! Even in burritos!"
"They're healthier and don't hurt animals!"
"Than why are animals so scrumptious?!"
"Guys! Guys! Sheesh!" Robin jumped over the couch and got in between the two bickering best friends. "Everyone has different tastes. We shouldn't fight over our differences."
"Hmm, you know... you're right. Grass Stain and I will just go back and forth forever." Cyborg conceded. "What we need are second opinions."
"Yeah! You guys, tell Cy here what the clearly superior food is please?"
"Oh, that is the difficult question. Both are the satisfactory to me." Starfire replied while scratching her head.
"Yeah uh... I could go either way honestly."
"I don't really care." Raven bluntly stated. Robin sighed.
"Alright, you two have been arguing about this with no resolution for too long. We need to settle this once and for all. We need a series of tests to prove not based on biased opinion, but objectively which food is the best, using the most average of ingredients. Cause let's face it, you two jokers would just probably make one giant food fight at the end and I don't want a mess in the tower. And like always with these food challenges, the first will be the taste test.
"Beast Boy, if you want me to do this... thing for you as a favor, then no tofu. Anything but that. And not cat hair this time as well." Raven requested.
"You got it Rae Rae! One hair free veggie burrito comin' up!" Beast Boy agreed with a wide smile and a thumbs up. After an hour of preparation, both dishes were ready. First up was Beast Boy with burritos which looked packed and fat. "Behold titans, the sabrosa burrito. As agreed, I used the most common of ingredients. Flour tortilla filled with veggie meat and beans, but also has grated cheese spread evenly, lettuce, Mexican rice, and diced tomatoes. Truly the meal for those that want to eat healthy. Here are a few condiments so that you can try with it of your choice; sour cream, salsa and guacamole. Placing the small bowls filled with the chosen condiments. Robin picked up his burrito, inspecting it from all sides for any glaring imperfections, smelled it, and when satisfied, bit into it. Starfire took a chunk out with a fork and knife, and ate it. Raven used her magic to pick up the whole thing, and chewed some of it. After the first bite, they did so again with the condiment they chose; guacamole, sour cream and salsa for Robin, Starfire and Raven respectively.
"Hmm. That was a pretty good burrito, Beast Boy. And great choice including the guacamole. Ten out of Ten." Robin rated.
"Ooo, delicious." Starfire adored. "However, I think there were too many beans in mine. None of the other flavors stood out more, that is until I added the sour cream. Eight of the ten."
"Hmm, yum. Seven." Raven shrugged.
"Ah come on, mama. What stood out to you the most?" He asked her.
"I said I didn't care. And unless Cyborg makes a perfect burger, I'll likely rate it seven for the same reason." She told him. The green teen pouted, but nodded in acceptance. That's when the cybernetic titan brought out his meals. Presenting them their dishes, he told them in a presenter kind of tone,
"What we have here is a dish of the highest of quality. A beef patty surrounded with tomato, onion and lettuce below it, and a select condiment and cheese above it sandwiched between the sesame seed bun. But first, here's some sparkling water. Need to cleanse your pallets first." Handing them a cup of fizzling water, they all shrugged and drank the carbonated drink until the taste of burrito was almost entirely gone. Now tasting the burgers, here's what they had to say.
"Hmm, the burger tastes smoky. You used charcoal, right?"
"Best way to eat a burger." Cyborg responded proudly.
"Well, the rest of the burger tastes pretty good, but I didn't much like the charcoal flavor too much, and it felt like the outside was cooked slightly too long for me. Eight out of ten."
"Aw man." The burger chef mumbled to himself crossing his arms. That is until Starfire gasped.
"Wonderful! Just the perfect degree of mostly the rare of medium and some done well! And... mustard?! Joy! Ten out of ten!" The gleefully ravenous alien warrior swallowed the rest of the burger whole, chewed and swallowed, sighing while patting her belly.
"Hmm, yum." Raven gave the exact same answer.
"Wait, does that mean it's a tie?!" Beast Boy cried out in despair.
"But which one is better?!" Cyborg resonated.
"Look, just because the taste test didn't pan out means that this is the end, there's still more. Be ready you two."
"Oh it's on. Prepare to eat patty, String Bean." Cyborg gloated towards his cooking rival.
"Bring it on Chrome Dome! Commence the food war!"
Round 1: speed. The two titans rolled their respective foods down a hill. Despite the burger having as much sticky ingredients as Cyborg could use, it just couldn't act like a wheel and fell apart. The burrito reached the bottom a little loosely wrapped from the rolling, but mostly unscathed. Point 1 to burrito.
Round 2: aerodynamics. The two foods were in a wind tunnel. As the wind picked up, the burrito was having no problem staying together, especially since the burrito was packed full, only filled with the minimal required amount, and flat bread was specifically used for the burrito. With this much lack of volume, it was like it wasn't there. However, the round and relatively tall burger was catching on and flew right at the disappointed Cyborg behind the safety window. Point 2 for Burrito.
Round 3: accuracy. Cyborg tried to both either throw, or shoot them with his arm cannon, but the forces acting on the food was too much for it to stay together, never reaching the target as a whole. Burgers just can't stay in one piece. As for Beast Boy, he had to use a replacement burrito after the sling shot accidentally cut the first one in half during the pull back. On the second try, the green teen threw it like a ninja would do with a kunai, and it splattered against the target on its chest. Point 3 for burrito.
Round 4: heat resistance. Putting in the foods in two microwaves for 15 minutes, it didn't take long for the heat conserving burrito to explode while the burger, obviously burnt to a crisp, was the victor by sticking through the whole way. Point 1 for burger.
Round 5: damage resistance. With the two equipped with a pulverizing hammer, this was to prove which could handle taking it better. Beast Boy swung first, which just made it spew out from the sides with beans and other. As for the burger, even with his stronger strength, the burger wasn't outright destroyed, even while pulverized. Point 2 for Burger.
Round 6: availability. The titans flew over to Los Angeles and had to find the nearest burger and burrito joints in 5 minutes in unfamiliar territory. As for who could find them the quickest, Cyborg and his jet pack found 10 while Beast Boy only found six in the same time span. Point 3 for Burger.
Round 7: flavor flip. Beast Boy and Cyborg were tasked with putting the essential flavor of their respective foods into the body of the food the opponent liked. When it came down to testing, Beast Boy, even with his culinary skills rivaling Cyborg's couldn't get that juicy and savory taste of the burger into his burrito since he used beyond beef, even when using all the rest of the burger ingredients. As for Cyborg's, all he had to do was cook a bean patty, use salsa instead of ketchup, and the taste was just like a burrito. Point 4 for Burger.
Round 8: cuteness. They had to make they're foods cute. Cyborg made his burger mini sized, and used ketchup to make a smiley face. Starfire and Robin thought they were definitely cute, but Beast Boy's was decorated with a kitten face. Beans for tiny ears, tomato slices for eyes, a dollop of guacamole for the nose, tiny string cheese for whiskers, and three small onion curves for the mouth sticking its tongue out. Even without Robin and Raven's opinion, Starfire loved it so much more, given the fact she actually hugged it and cooed to it as if it were a kitten. Point 4 for Burrito.
"Man, we going nowhere with all these test!" Cyborg complained with a stomp.
"I know, right?! How'm I supposed to beat you if this keeps going on forever?!" Beast Boy exclaimed.
"It does seem like we covered all the usual food competitions. What else could there possibly be?" Starfire inquired.
"I still don't care." Raven put in. The metallic titan then got an idea.
"I know! A food fight!"
"No no no! I said no food fight!" Robin objected, now getting annoyed. "I don't want a mess in the tower!"
"How about in the simulation room?" Starfire suggested.
"Perfect! Let's do this!" Cyborg cheered.
Once the two quarreling titans were in the simulator, Robin spoke through the mic.
"Alright. When all else fails, fighting is always what's used to settle a dispute. You have 650 health points, and whatever you say will be created to make the attack. Let the ultimate burger burrito smackdown begin!" With the simulation activating, Beast Boy's outfit changed into a burrito surrounding his body and head showing the face, while his arms and legs were colored red plus the gloves and shoes colored green. Cyborg's body changed primarily into brown like the bun, with his lower torso colored dark brown like the burger, his arms and legs colored green while his hands and feet colored red.
"Salsa Storm!" Pushing his hands out, the green teen shot forth a stream of tomato salsa at the cybernetic titan, whom blocked with his arms. 14% of his health was lost as he was being pushed back.
"Bun Bash!" Forming a sesame seed bun large enough to protect his whole body while diverting the salsa. Pushing it forward, the bun went full speed and rammed into the living burrito. 20% was lost.
"Pickle Pounder!" Gaining a giant hammer with a pickle as the head, he ran up to the dazed burrito boy and swung into Beast Boy's stomach. After a second hit successful hit, Beast Boy lost 22%.
"Jalapeno Hammer!" Countering a third strike from the giant pickle, a hammer with a giant jalapeno blocked the attack and managed to send Cyborg flying away with a successful retaliation. Cyborg lost 12%
"Robin, there is something I do not understand." Starfire said. "Why are they doing the physical fighting instead of simulated burgers and burritos? This does not really prove which one of the foods is better."
"Of course it doesn't. Some people like burgers and some like burritos. That's just how people are. I just wanted these two to get it out of their system, and what better way then to duke it out with no injury or mess? Now, how about we do lunch? I could totally go for a pizza."
"Sure, let's just get out of here." Raven recommended. The rest of the titans promptly left.
"Tomato Time Bomb!" Shooting rapid fire tomatoes around Beast Boy, he couldn't escape the red explosions in time. He only had 1% left.
"Bean Bomb!" A bean shaped grenade escaped from the smoke and exploded upon contact with Cyborg. "Burrito Blade!" Leaping from the red smoke he held a green handled red blade and made two big slashes across Cyborg's chest, although no gashes were seen. His health was at 10%.
"Onion Onslaught!
"Sesame Heat Seeker!" The two threw an onion and a sesame seed at each other, the two item meeting directly in the middle. With a giant simulated explosion, they were each blown back. Both were at 0%. The simulation ended and their food colors went away. Both were panting, having used up a lot of effort in this fight.
"Hey, dude. Why are we even fighting over this? This is... way more tiring than it normally is." Beast Boy pointed out.
"Same here." Cyborg admitted. "I'm just about ready to... call it a day and... eat some pie with ice cream."
"Can I get some of that with you? I'm hungry too, yo! Maybe we can even put some ice cream on top!" The green teen asked, getting excited from hearing that combo.
"Yeah boy! Hot pie with ice cream!" As they got up and went to get the newly discussed foods, the cybernetic titan said, "Hey, I'm sorry BB. I think we both got carried away there."
"Yeah. First time we took it to that extent. But hey, just because we have different tastes doesn't mean we can't think of some awesome combos with other stuff dude."
"You said it Beastie. Now let's get some ice cream pie! Booyah!"
A/N: I'm not sure if I did everything as you envisioned Eris, but I did the best I could. Now then, the next chapter will be the fan requested idea of a Laundry Day sequel. Eris already gave me details to work with, so I don't need suggestions for this chapter. What do you think of this chapter? Let me know in the reviews below.