A/N: Nothing serious but something I just wanted to ask you guys, doesn't metaphors mentioning salt is weird? For stories that are unbelievable, they say "Take it with a pinch of salt." And yet if you want say someone or something is competent and worth being praised, you say "It's worth one's salt." Or however that goes. It's just something I realized while I was writing this.

Beast Boy, Cyborg, Raven and Starfire were once again having a boredom filled day, the metallic titan switching from channel to channel. Nothing was happening, that is until Robin came into the room with two full to the brim briefcases.

"Titans, think you can hold down the fort while I go on a secret mission?"

"Sure, where are you going, Robin?" Raven asked, if nothing more than to know if anything he says is of any interest.

"It's top secret."

"OK." "Goodbye." "Have fun." Each of the others said collectively.

"If you'll need me, I'll just be at the Batcave." The titan leader coyly said. That raised everyone else's attention as their eyes opened wide. That's when Beast Boy, Cyborg and Starfire respectively swarmed the Boy Wonder.

"Batcave?! Can I come?!"

"What 'bout me?! What 'bout me?!"

"I would also like to visit!"

"Beats hanging around here." Raven added.

"Heh, I knew you guys would be thrilled, but I'm the only one Batman trusts on this super secret mission. Besides, you guys are needed here. Anyway, see ya!" Escaping his friends as fast as possible via smoke bomb, Robin used the titan jet to reach New Jersey in a matter of hours. Upon arrival and making sure the jet was invisible and cloaked, the titan leader walked up to what was seemingly a wall of rocks belonging to a very large hill. Revealing a hand print and voice recognizer, he placed a hand on the device and said "Robin." The machine blared harshly and glowed red. "Grayson?" He asked. It glowed red again. "Dick?" He sounded nervous this time. Third times the no. Groaning, he coughed and answered, "The Boy Wonder." This time it glowed green with a ding, and Robin stepped into the cave. Entering and making sure the entrance was closed and locked, the titan leader smiled as he was back in his old stomping grounds. Some of Batman's trophies were right where he remembered: the 216 lbs. giant penny made from Joseph Coyne or Penny Plunderer, the T-Rex robot from Dinosaur Island, the giant Joker Card from Batman's early days, etc. Walking towards the supercomputer, he saw his reflection of all the previous costumes of the bat family. Along with... Jason's. "A good soldier". Reaching the supercomputer, he sat down in the chair and logged, and soon he noticed a pop up. Clicking on it, the message said,

Robin,

Watch over Gotham. Ask Alfred for anything. Batman.

Typical of him; short and straight to the point. Shrugging, he was about to do some surveillance when he heard a voice wasn't expecting to hear.

"Aw snap! Juice!" Turning around in the chair, he saw the titans gazing at the memorabilia of the batcave with Beast Boy chugging orange juice.

"What?! How did you guys get in here?! Past all the alarms and sensors and booby traps?!" The Boy Wonder cried out.

"Magic. Duh." Raven answered dryly.

"What Raven means is that we snuck on the jet and phased through the entrance with her magic." Cyborg elaborated. They all were caught off guard however as a hard laugh echoed through the cave, disrupting the bats as they turned and saw the alien princess howling in joy.

"HAHAHA! Check out this picture!" Starfire called out laughing. Once all but Robin joined her and saw the photo. It was a picture of Batman and Robin during his... silver days. The two boys laughed with her while Raven chuckled.

"HA! What's with the green speedos, Boy Wonder? Those are the most hairless legs I've ever seen!" Cyborg howled with joy.

"To think I'm not the only titan who left their legs entirely exposed." Raven expressed while giving a chortle.

"I know part of your moniker is 'Boy Wonder', but seriously dude?!" Beast Boy mocked. "I bet you upsetted all the moms dressing up like this."

"Give me that!" Robin snatched the picture from Starfire and placed it where it was. "Yes, my early days are... embarrassing nowadays... but regardless, you guys aren't supposed to be in here!"

"Don't worry bro, we'll leave. We just want to check the place out is all." Turning into a bat, Beast Boy turned into a bat and got in front of a lamp, imitating the bat-signal. Raven went toward the stalactite filled ceiling and perched upside down on one of them, hanging with the bats.

"Cool." She said with a small yet very satisfied smile. Cyborg put on one of Batman's belts and started throwing batarangs around all willy-nilly. Robin had to go and pick them up.

"Careful with those! I don't want any of them lost. Two, three, four..." He stopped when he saw a shadow. Looking up, it was his girlfriend in Batgirl's costume, hair and cape blowing in the wind. He oogled her for a few seconds while she walked to him and asked,

"So, how do I look Robin? Do I not look so 'intimidating' in this?" She emphasized that certain word, as if to apply to something else, and he caught her memo.

"S-Star uh... you look good in that but uh... could you take that off please? It's just so nothing happens to it is all." The Boy Wonder requested quite sheepishly. Although she was disappointed he didn't want to play along, his reaction was still worth putting it on. Melodramatically, she sighed.

"Oh very well. I just wanted to see how you would have liked me in this. It is a bit too tight for me to zip up anyway." As Starfire removed the costume, Robin came up with a compromise.

"Ma-maybe we can order a costume for you to wear. If you want. Then we could team up like that for cosplay." Hearing this, the alien girl gasped excitedly at the idea and hugged her boyfriend tightly.

"Oh thank you Boyfriend Robin!" Robin chuckled a bit and the two kissed a couple of seconds before Robin remembered he had a job.

"Um, later. Everyone, STOOOOOOOOOP!" He turned away yelled out, making all his friends stop. "You guys can't be here! Batman very explicitly ordered that only I, me, Robin the Boy Wonder, to be here to watch Gotham while he's away. Period! I mean, aside from curiosity, why are you guys even here?! Who is protecting Jump City?!"

"Pfsh, don't worry dude. We already took care of that." Beast Boy brushed off in response. Meanwhile in Jump City, the Hive were robbing a museum while also dominating the city's police force, seemingly able to do whatever they want since all the titans were out of town. Gizmo also rigged a radio tower to detonate with explosives, the young evil prodigy cackling while doing so. That is... until the literal next second later when all of the supervillains were wrapped up with tons of rope while the explosives were disarmed. And who was it? None other than Mas y Menos.

"Buen trabajo, hermano!" (Good job, brother!) Mas complimented.

"Lo Mismo de vuelta a ti, hermano!" (Same back to you, brother!) Menos recuperated as they hi fived and ran off super fast.

"Well, they should be able to handle stuff for now." Robin acknowledged. "But still, you guys shouldn't be here! Out, out, out!" The titan leader tried to shoo them away, only for the alarm to go off. "Ugh, I guess I have no choice. When we finish this crime, do you guys promise to go back home?"

"Sure, so what's happening?" Cyborg asked.

"It's the Mad Hatter. He's swarming downtown with people dressed as Alice in Wonderland costumes under mind control."

"Mad Hatter? And I thought Control Freak was weird." Beast Boy commented.

"Then you haven't met Jervis Tetch yet. Titans, GO!

In downtown, everybody was confused as a parade filled with costumed people playing instruments, all wind instruments. From the instruments was a brown mist that floated through the air that everyone breathed. At the end was the Mad Hatter himself on a pedestal surrounded by odd and colorful tea party decorations as he sung a familiar song if you know the book.

"Salutations, everyone! Today's a very special occurrence, so let's begin with a very special song! A very merry unbirthday! To me to who? To me!" As he sang, those who breathed in the tea mist started to sing along as they started to fall under his control.

"A very merry unbirthday! To you!"

"Who me?"

"Yes you!"

"Oh me! Let's all congratulate us with another spot of tea!" The song was interrupted however when a elephant noise trumpeted throughout the street. Everyone turned to the origin of said noise to see the titans prepared to save the day, Beast Boy returning to human.

"Sorry Mad Hatter, but if it's not a birthday party, then you're guilty of disrupting the peace and mind control." Robin accused.

"Oh how rude! Very very rude!" Jervis complained. "And here I thought with the bat having gone that I would celebrate a day for me for once! But oh, I'm afraid that even with a group of five, you can't fight against a bookful of citizens, now can you? Your existence stops here, because you've reached your end! Attack!" All of the costumed cohorts and mind controlled citizens moved towards the titans, in a giant wave.

"Beast Boy, Raven, get the Hatter. We'll take care of the citizens." Robin instructed. The two titans nodded as they took to the skies with their respective abilities. Cyborg turned his arms into turrets to shoot out tranquilizer darts, Starfire through people left and right at each other to keep them at bay without hurting them too bad, while Robin was able to knock them out with staff blows to the heads, making sure they only had mild concussions. As for the two flying towards the hatter, he had a few tricks meant for the bat, but didn't mind a couple of birds as well. Focusing on Beast Boy first, he dug some worms out from his sleeve and threw them at the green raptor. Thinking they were nothing, he let them land on his predatory body. But they soon ensnared his feathers, causing him to unexpectedly fall from the air.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" The sorceress incanted, causing the decorations to glow black and move on their own, wrapping around his blue trench coat covered body. "Party's over."

"Oh may oh me oh my. It does seem like you caught me haven't you? But you must see why my hat is a size 10/6th." Leaning his head forward, it fell in a way so that the interior fell towards her, flashing a light as bright as a flash bang. Crying out from being blinded, her concentration was broken enough where Tetch shimmied out of his wrappings and stuck his hat over her head, causing the titan to slump over, hypnotized from the mechanics of his hat. Picking her up, he ran off. Tired of trying to escape from the worms' hold over him, Beast Boy turned into a mouse and scampered away before turning human. "Rave? Raven, where are you?!" He called out, but didn't see her or the villain anywhere. "Oh no. Guys, Raven's been taken!" Turning towards the other titans, they seem to have effectively taken down everybody outside of bruises, mild sprains and minor concussions.

"What? How did she get taken?" The Boy Wonder questioned the green teen.

"I don't know. I was trying to escape some weird worms he had that ensnared my feathers, then there was a general flash that momentarily blinded my supreme bird eyes, I escaped, and they were gone."

"We need to find her quick! Who knows what this insane hat wearing fiend could do to her!" Starfire exclaimed.

"There's two things I know what he'd try to do, and I don't like either of them." Robin said grimly.

"Then there's no time to lose, dudes!" Beast Boy turned into a blood hound, and sniffed where Jervis stood. Picking up a scent other then tea, he ran off with the titans following.

Raven started to wake up, feeling woozy from what the hat did. She tried to say something but she couldn't move her lips. She also tried moving her arms but couldn't. This lead her to the obvious; she was trapped.

"No no no. Far too pale, far too pale, even more pale than Snow White. Wig doesn't work, the gem throws it off. Proportions all wrong. Too tall and toned." She could hear the creep's voice around her, and tried looking around, only to notice that she was wearing a bright blue and white dress along with a blonde wig. This went from mildly embarrassing from the fact she was captured to downright mortifying. "Oh, you're awake! How good that is! Anyway, you're just in time for my unhappy birthday! Here, have some tea and toast!" Hatter presented her a cup of tea... and a stopwatch covered in butter, jam and lemon juice. To her left and right were two men dressed as a brown hare and mouse respectively, constantly taking sip after sip of tea with unfocused eyes. "Oh wait, I'm sorry, but you can't eat because of that magical mouth you've got, so the tape was required." Making himself some tea with a perfectly cut in half cup with super clear glass to give the illusion that he was drinking half of a cup, but after he looked at her deathly glare, he sighed before putting it down. "Alas, it doesn't seem like you want to play along with my wonderland. Not only is your body entirely wrong for my Alice, you're just too negative of personality. I guess you'll have to go so far into the rabbit hole..." He grabbed her chin so that she looked into his eyes. "...That you'll never come out." He started to drag the chair Raven was trapped in, and was just about to leave her in total isolation forever when one of the walls exploded, disrupting his plan. It was Cyborg that blew up the wall and Beast Boy jumped over him, yelling out,

"Get away from her, you creep!"

"Creep?! Well that's just utter nonsense! I was just telling this sweet little bird here that she's no use to be my Alice, so I was just going to put her away forever. And besides..." From behind Raven's chair he removed a wooden mallet taped to there. "...Get too close, and I'll give her two lumps so hard she won't be seeing stars and birds flying around her head."

"Good thing we don't need to get up close then." Cyborg retorted with a confident smile, as a birdarang flew into his hat from behind, destroying what was inside, setting the two other captives free, as they ran away once they realized what was going on.

"Ah, my hat!" He turned back around towards the shadows, but two green eyebeams shot from behind him again the other direction, destroying the mallet. Seeing his chance, Beast Boy ran at the hatter, jumped and used the table of a platform to jump even higher, he turned into a kangaroo and kicked with his two powerful legs into Tetch, sending him flying into a crate, knocked unconscious. Turning back into human, Beast Boy and Cyborg went to get their comrade free, followed by Starfire and Robin.

"Raven, did he do anything to you?!" Beast Boy inquired worryingly. Once she could speak, the half-demon girl responded,

"I'm fine. I probably could've escaped by myself anyway after he locked me away, but I appreciate the save." She responded before disintegrating her Alice costume so that she was in her leotard, while conjuring a cloak from home.

"It was Beast Boy and Robin who helped save you. Beast Boy used a dog form to find you, and Robin devised the plan to distract the Mad Hatter while we used the shadows to disarm him." Starfire explained.

"Yeah, Beast Boy was really worried for you." Robin said, trying to paint the shapeshifter in a good light with a sly smile. Beast Boy wondered what he was exactly talking about.

"Oh really? How so?" The sorceress asked the boy in question. Realizing he was in the spotlight now, he stammered,

"Uh, uh... you know, I just d-didn't want someone that might've been insane to h-hurt you is all. Is that so wrong?" He asked. Seeing how flustered he was, Raven slightly smirked.

"Hmmm, I guess not. After all, I was probably some damsel for to rescue, right?"

"Wha-what?! No, I mean, what I'm trying to say is-" He was interrupted from his wildly confused rambling when she pushed a finger against his lips, silencing him with an amused face.

"Shut up. I know what you mean, so there's no need to make yourself to act more like a fool. Your effort will not go unnoticed. Anyway, let's go home. I need a nice warm shower."

"Yeah, I could use some unwinding myself. I doubt Batman has any video games to play." Cyborg agreed.

"Actually, let's head back to the cave first. I bet you're all hungry." Robin offered, which they all accepted.