A/N: Okay, so the groundhogs day chapter is still under research and development. I've heard of some good ideas from you all, but none of them are really clicking for me. So we're skipping to Breakfast Cheese, where we'll learn about pacifism and violence another way. And from the brilliant idea of one of my fans, this will be loosely in the tune of Spongebob Squarepants season 6 episode 17: Shuffle boarding. With that out of the way, here we go.
It was a nice and sunny morning, where in the living room, three of the five titans were hanging out together. Or maybe not hanging out so to speak but more just in nearby proximity. Raven was on the far right side of the couch reading a book, while Robin and Starfire were having fun together like making jokes about the commercials, kissing, lightly tickling each other and such. However, that peace would soon be interrupted when Beast Boy and Cyborg crept up behind them, and Cyborg held up an air horn. Both of the immature titans were giggling to themselves silently before pressing the button, creating a loud and obnoxious blaring sound. While Raven didn't flinch, having felt their presence, the romantic couple were spooked and jumped off the couch. In fact, his reflexes reacted so fast, the Boy Wonder instinctively threw a birdarang, which lodged itself into Cyborg's left side of his head, cracking the glass.
"Hey, watch where you're throwing that thing!" The metallic teen cried out in anger as he pulled it out and threw it at Robin. The titan leader ducked, but that allowed the weapon to press the Intruder Emergency button, raising the tower on high alert. Turrets popped out of the ceiling, shooting lasers at the titans, which almost all of them were running around screaming and yelling in fright. Raven was the only one not reacting at all, turning a page while she let her powers create a forcefield protecting her from the lasers.
"Everyone, on the couch!" Robin shouted. When they all got on the couch, the turrets were locked onto their position, but Robin was quick to act as he pressed a button on the control module, which opened a door behind the couch, and all five of them were flung backwards down it just as the turrets destroyed the couch. After a few painful collisions against some of the shoots' walls, Raven, Cyborg and Robin fell onto the basement floor in a big hurting heap, while Starfire floated down gracefully and Beast Boy landed on her shoulder as a parrot. He squawked, making the alien girl laugh before both noticed she was standing on her friends.
"Oh no! Quick, to the infirmary!" She cried out. The background swirled as Starfire and Beast Boy's worried faces zoomed in and out while Batman's 1960's transition music cued them to the next scene. Robin woke up from a big migraine wrecking his brain, along with some dulled pain from his broken right arm. Starfire sat next to him, waiting for his awakening. "Robin! Oh thank goodness. How are you feeling?"
"Augh, not so loud Star." Robin groaned. "But other than this massive headache, I'm fine. How are the others?"
"Well, Cyborg is over there." She pointed to the metallic titan, who had all but one of his arms missing. "Most of his joints have been broken. As for Raven..." The Tamaranean was cut off as a female's voice cried out.
"Oh... my gosh! I can't believe Allison said that! If I were her, I'd be all, ''Oh no you didn't!''" The sorceress in question had her head wrapped in bandages and was complaining to Beast Boy while watching a hospital based soap opera, with the green teen trying to listen, but turned to Starfire with a gulp and nervous looking eyebrows.
"Let us just say she is now talking like the teens that live in valleys. Cyborg's foot is the culprit." Starfire summarized.
"Well that's just great." Robin sighed in annoyance. A ringing echoed through the the infirmary, and it was coming from Cyborg, which he answered.
"Hey, it's Cyborg. What up?" The ringing kept continuing, because Cyborg accidently picked up a bed pan. Throwing it away in disgust, hearing it shatter in the background, the metallic titan made sure he got the communicator. "Hey, it's Cyborg. What up? Ah, Commissioner Garden, what do you need? Robin? I'll toss you to him." Throwing his communicator to the titan leader, whom looked confused.
"Why didn't he call on my... of course." Robin started to question things when he found his communicator was broken. "Sorry Commissioner, by commiss-I mean, my phone was broken. What can I do for you?" As the commissioner talked, Robin's eyes bugged out. "Yes but... yes, yes Commissioner but uh..." The communicator then hung up. "Shoot. We were supposed to attend the city's police station today. Raven and I were going to go out and do it, but with my arm, Raven's..."
"And she was all 'Uh uhhhhh.', while I was all 'yuh huhhhh.'" Raven continued to speak like a valley girl with Beast Boy looking tortured having to listen to her.
"...condition, and Cyborg having only one limb, we've got no choice. Star, Beast Boy, can you go and do the celebrity police representatives?"
"Oh, I-" Starfire was going to answer when Beast Boy came up next to her.
"Don't worry about us amigos! You can count on us! Let's go!" The shapeshifter responded quickly, needing to get away from Raven's incessant talking, pulling his comrade with him out of the territory.
"So, when we're all better, who wants to go to the mall?! Eeeee! I've already got an idea on shirts, pants, shoes, jackets, make up, jewelry..." Robin and Cyborg cringed at the same time, now forced to listen to the half-demon talk non-stop about teenage girl talk.
"And why should I allow you two to participate in this years' celebrity representatives for the youngin's of this fine city?" The Commissioner questioned the two titans sitting in his office, facing away from them so his looks were hidden, though he sounded he was nearing senior citizen age. "Last we agreed on it was Robin and Raven that were supposed to do it."
"Yes, well... here's the thing dude, the others got hurt at the last minute. Big freak accident and what not. And since we're the only titans that don't have broken limbs or concussions, here we are." Beast Boy answered.
"But rest assured, we will do all that we can to make sure the kids have the right role models in the police work force. As they say on my home planet, "Cross my two hearts and hope to die by disintegration."
"Uh, what Starfire mean, good sir is that you can count on us." The green teen covered for her, hoping that gruesome phrase didn't discourage him.
"Hmm. Very well. Since you two are last minute replacements, he's what your teammates should've gotten..." He gave them both a folder of what their jobs for today are. "...and here are the lawbooks that you are required to read. They're the most up to date we have." Plopping down two heavy books, they looked at what was basically all the laws of Jump City... up to 1960. But that was crossed off to say 2012, along with the books looking overstuffed with the last pages being added in with laws put in effect after 1960. "Sorry. Due to police being so pitifully underpaid by the various mayors, we can't afford to update our books every year or even every term. But I'm sure you can figure it out. Good luck."
"Uh... sure thing... boss." Beast Boy replied, unsure what to think. After spending the next few hours studying both their responsibilities and the laws of the city, they felt confident they were ready. By early afternoon, they were dressed up as proper police officers in their midnight blue outfits. Starfire had her hair put up in low bun.
Outside of the police station, a technician was using a new drone so that it watched the two titans.
"Alright, just look at the camera, have you memorized your scripts?" They both nodded. "Cool. Three, two, one... go."
"Greetings, citizens of Jump City. I am your local Tamaranean princess, Starfire."
"Yo yo, boys! And it's me, Beast Boy, rocking my green skin in a blue suit!" The shapeshifter greeted second with great enthusiasm.
"Now, for those that were aware, our leader Robin and fellow titan Raven were supposed to do this, but due to... an unfortunate accident, we will step in their place."
"And hey, we may even do a better job than they ever could, yo!"
"Now, our job as police people for the day is to" Right behind them, a motorcycle sped right past behind them at over 100 mph. It was the infamous Johnny Rancid. "For example." Starfire said before flying off, the drone following after her. Catching up to the grey skinned delinquent, she shouted at him. "Halt, criminal! You are in direct violation of the Basic Speeding Law of 25 mph at most!"
"What, you titans are policemen now?! Now you're doubly lame!" He cried out. But before he could try to lose her, Starfire launched a starbolt at the ground ahead of him. With a new and sudden hole in the road, his front tire caught on it, and Rancid flew off his bike, screaming as he slammed into the back of someone's car in traffic head first.
Ambulances were taking Johnny away since he was now comatose. Starfire and Beast Boy were talking to the drone in a matter of factly way.
"As you can see, since Johnny Rancid was not wearing a helmet when his bike tripped over a hole, he smashed his face into someone's car and broke his face. It's a good thing he is tougher than he looks..."
"Or else Rancid will have left a rancid display of his brains in the pedestrians' trunk. Remember dudes, wear a helmet on motorcycles and bikes, and don't drink or drive on the road. Over 32,000 people die every year. Don't be one of those numbers." With the drone beeping means it's not recording at the moment, both of the teenagers cheered while high fiving. "Yeah! That's how we roll!"
"Joy! I am so happy our first action as the police was a success!"
"Yeah. Let's go get a pizza to celebrate."
"With the extra mustard!" Starfire said with glee.
At the pizzaria, the two titans were enjoying their pizza slices of choice on an outdoor table, enjoying their time together when Starfire noticed something amiss in her line of sight. A black man jaywalking. Gasping, she blew her whistle hard and shouted,
"Stop!" Flying at him, he only had time to turn around before he was tackled into the ground, pinned down like a caught animal. "You are in violation of section CVC 21955 stating pedestrians must use the crossing walks in the street!"
"Get off of me!" He cried out. Beast Boy ran to her as a gorilla and pulled her away.
"Whoa, whoa, reign it in, girl! It's just jaywalking!" He told her before apologizing to the disgruntled man. "I'm so sorry for that. She's an outer space alien so she doesn't know about police brutality all that well. How about we just let you off with a warning and leave it at that, okay?" He chuckled nervously.
"Whatever." The man grunted as he walked away.
"But Beast Boy, is it not our job to show the people that breaking the laws of the city will not be tolerated?"
"Yes, but not if it makes us like brutes. Let me tell you a short story. Do you know about Earth's racism?"
"Not in particular."
"Well, in just this country alone, the black man has been oppressed by the white man for centuries now as slaves. Slavery stopped at some point, but it wasn't until the mid 1960's that black people were treated somewhat equally when segregation ended. And even then, there's still many problems. And one of them is police brutality. Police beat on them much more frequently and harshly than any other minority, so it's a bit of a touchy subject. After all, we don't need another city wide riot like in Los Angeles back in 1992."
"Oh my."
"Yeah. Remember when that silver guy has been calling you a troq?" He asked, causing the female titan's expression to darken.
"That is a memory I find most not enjoyable."
"Exactly, and the black community has been treated like that for a long time, only to have partially stopped relatively recently. So, let's keep the roughhousing to a minimum. Only beat up violators that are being violent, or at the very least can take a beating."
"I understand Beast Boy. I will not allow myself to fall under the Earth's perception of what is... what was it called again?"
"Racism. Someone committing racism is a racist."
"Right. I will not be the racist. How do you know all this stuff?" She asked. Beast Boy smiled.
"That's great to hear Star. And I learned some of that from Cy." Noticing that the drone was recording them from the side, he then spoke to it. "And there you go. While Starfire may have overstepped a line, it was out of simple ignorance of what all the context was. Us titans value the worth of every citizen of Jump City, and we'll make sure that everyone is treated equally." Seemingly satisfied, the drone beeped and flew back to the station. Hearing their walkie-talkies start to beep, Beast Boy answered it. "Yellow?"
"Good work on that first case and fixing that second one. We can let an innocent mistake like that slide. Come back here, fill out your first assessment of the last hour, then get back to doing your job the rest of the day."
"Will do, Commissioner, Beast Boy out." Hanging up, the two did as they were told.
Once back out on patrol, Beast Boy flew over the city as a bald eagle, keeping an eye out for any wrong-doers with a drone following him. And eventually, he spotted one. Among a group of pedestrian houses, one still had their Christmas decorations up. Folding his wings, the green shapeshifter plummeted through the sky, reaching the house within seconds before opening his wings again, slowing his descent before turning into human on the ground. Knocking on the door, a man opened the door, and gasped upon the sight of the green teen.
"Beast Boy, of the Teen Titans participating in that police thing? What seems to be the problem?"
"Tell me, my good man. Why is your Christmas decorations still up?"
"I'm just lazy. I always keep them up for a couple of months before eventually taking them down before Valentines Day makes them look silly."
"Oh really? Also tell, do you know what today's date it is?"
"February 3rd? Where are you going with this?" The man asked.
You, mister..." He looked at the mailbox that says his last name. "...Anderson, are in violation of the Homeowners CC&R's rule stating that all those who have their Christmas lights up after February 2nd have to pay a fee of $250 dollars."
"What? There's no way that's a rule or law! I've been living here for six years and nobody has complained." He argued.
"Perhaps, but I take my job seriously." Beast Boy responded back, eyes squinting. "And besides, on that note, would you rather just pay $250 upright, or will I have to file that you're due for... uhh... that amount times six?" Paling, but also getting angrier at the insinuation, he brought out a check and grumpily writes a check to cover the fee. "Thank you." The home owner doesn't respond as he slams the door. "This is going to be easier than I thought." Hearing the walkie-talkie turn on he heard his partner signal him.
"Beast Boy, if I may have your assistance?"
"Okay, where are you?"
"I'm at a Safeway across from a Korean Church."
"On my way." Pocketing the check, he turned into an Eagle again and took to the sky. Upon reaching there, he discovered Starfire has a Korean woman locked in handcuffs next to a bike rack, cursing profanities in her native tongue. Starfire's hair bun seems to have been forcibly loosened, as it now hung down around her shoulders with strands escaping down. "Uhh, what's going on?"
"This woman is in violation of a Public Dress Code rule stating that no women can drive a vehicle in a housecoat, or a morning robe so to speak."
"I live a 10th of a mile away from home, you idiot!" She yelled at Starfire.
"Umm, Star? I've read that rule along with you, but that doesn't really warrant an arrest.
"Beast Boy, while I understand what you said about being brutal against the minorities, I have not been rough with her aside from a strong grip. And the law is the law. Do you know what happens to people on my planet?"
"What?"
"Misdemeanors mean exiles, and felonies mean execution on the spot."
"Star, this isn't Tamaran. Misdemeanors mean that you just pay a fine of money is all. And executions are only for serial killers and war criminals and such. It's important to uphold the law, but there's no need to go overboard."
"She also hit me and yanked my hair when I tried apprehending her so I have also added resisting and assaulting an officer to the list."
"Now that makes sense. You're coming with us lady." Despite her protests, she was taken to the local police station and locked in a cell for the rest of the day. "Okay, we've put her away, but please Star, no more arresting for minor rule breaking."
"Beast Boy, as not only a superhero but also a temporary police officer that no matter the size or magnitude of the crime, I must either fine them or bring them to justice. If we're not going around the city protecting those from rule breakers, than who will?"
"The actual police?"
"Yes, but they will just let any house coat wearing or jaywalking delinquent run free because it was not 'major enough.'" Starfire air quoted with her fingers. "And with none of the actual police letting the minor things slide, then they are giving the message that they are soft and weak minded."
"That's not really how that works." Beast Boy sighed while shaking his head. A police officer entered the room with a open basket filled with pastries.
"Hmm, caught one already? Nice work. With you guys, we'll have this place cleaned up in no tiIIAHH!" He cried out, slipping on a pen on the ground, dropping all the cupcakes, doughnuts, and even a small cake on the ground.
"NOOOOO!" Beast Boy screamed for five seconds before picking up the spoiled food. "What a waste of good food!" Going from despaired to angry, he then shoved the officer in with the Korean woman into the cell.
"Wait, you can't arrest me!"
"Yeah, well you've just broken the law that, and I quote, "It is not legal to carry bread, cakes, or pastries that are intended for human consumption in open baskets or exposed containers." Taking the book he studied, he tossed it in. "Check up on it. You'll learn just how wrong you are." Beast Boy and Starfire exited the station, looking determined. "You were right Star. If even the police aren't going to follow the rules, than it's up to us to show the city that we mean business."
"Agreed." The Tamaranean warrior said as she pulled her hair free from its constrains, letting it flow down to full length again. "Let us clean up our beloved city!" The two titans split up, going to correct any rule breaker they can find. In a garage, a regular motorcyclist parked his bike into the garage of his house when Beast Boy stopped him.
"Putting anything other than cars in a garage is prohibited!" Arrested. In the city, a person wearing cowboy boots and a gallon cowboy hat was approached by Starfire.
"Do you own two cows?"
"No. I just like feeling like a cowboy."
"Then you are under arrest for wearing the shoes without the cows to go with them!" Arrested. A gardener was watering some oleander flowers when she was handcuffed by Beast Boy.
"Growing oleanders within city limits is illegal!" Arrested. A family of a mom, dad and two kids were flying their kites as long as the string could go, that is until they were burnt to ashes by green eyebeams.
"Any kites over 10 feet are too high!" Arrested. Cursing on a mini-golf course? Arrested. Driving in reverse, even if it's just get out of a parking space? Arrested. Anybody living in a house with two bathtubs or more? Arrested in mass. Wearing high heels? Arrested in mass. Have more than two pets? Arrested along with the animals for compliance with their owners. Your face is ugly? You bet your butt they were all definitely arrested! Oddly enough, the only person that they couldn't arrest was a guy who owned an elephant, taking it for a walk. The only reason was because it was on a leash. By the end of their shift, of the 840,000 population that is Jump City, 57,000 were arrested thanks to Starfire's speed. That's 3 people per second. By the time it was 4:50, the two titans were exhausted, having to arrest that many people.
"Whew, that was a lot of people." Beast Boy sighed.
"Indeed. Who thought there would be so many law breakers in our city. And there is still so much more!" Starfire bemoaned.
"But, we've got to return these by 5. Let's just head back and call it a day." The green teen suggested. They reluctantly agreed, turned in all their police equipment, and returned to the tower. The others were still recovering, so it was a boring day afterwards, a free for all dinner, and an early nights rest.
The sound of angry yelling and banging woke Starfire from her sleep. Hearing it from the outside, she quickly got out of bed while yawning to see the hubbub was. And as it turned out, it was an angry mob surrounding the whole tower! Gasping, the alien girl got changed and met up with the others, whom were watching the same thing on the living room tv, input from their security cameras.
"Why is there a mob of angerness out there?" She asked urgently.
"Apparently you guys did your jobs TOO well." Robin answered, not taking his eyes away from the screen. "So now the city as angry at us because you arrested over 55,000 people for petty reasons."
"But the book told us they were guilty of rule breaking." Starfire defended.
"And the cops themselves were breaking it!" Beast Boy added.
"What kind of book?" The Boy Wonder inquired, now confused.
"Well, since they're underpaid, the police couldn't update their books. The cover says they're editions from 1960 but had pages glued in the back to keep it up to date."
"I can't believe this." Robin said, pinching his nose in annoyance. "Come on Raven. I know what we have to do." Closing her book, the sorceress opened a portal that lead to the locked front door.
"I hope this is something we can fix." Starfire commented.
"I think it will. Everything pans out in the end, for the most part." Cyborg tried to assure her.
Opening the door, but having a forcefield bubble around themselves, Raven and Robin were able to get their attention, when Raven used her soul-self to form a giant raven in the sky that made a mighty shriek before returning to her.
"Alright everyone!" Robin yelled. "We've heard your complaints, and on the behalf of my teammates, I apologize for their... overzealous behavior. However, we are not the sole reason to blame. The government has not been properly updating the rule and law books. I mean, what does it say to you when my most influential and emotionally passionate comrades are given books printed out from 1960? Of course they were going to enforce them, even if they were dumb. So yes, blame us if you wish for carrying out ridiculous rules, but talk to the local government as well to update the rules, so that something like this doesn't happen again!" The mod became vigorous again, but now most of their anger was aimed towards the government for not bothering to update the rules, and left in quick haste to complain. The rest of the titans came out.
"Wow. You sure know how to direct an angry mob away." Beast Boy remarked with surprise.
"There was no way to quell it, so the best way is to just direct it at the people who can make changes." He responded proudly. Turning to the two former officers of the day, he asked them, "So, have we learned a lesson from this?"
"Well, I have learned a lesson yesterday. Not to be a racist." Starfire answered. Puzzled on what context that applies to, Cyborg shrugged.
"Well, may not be the right one, but that's a valuable lesson regardless."
"Yeah I guess. And what about you Beast Boy?"
"To not be 100% strict with the rules. Being a police officer is hard. At least when you're a titan you only have to act like a hero when a villain attacks."
"Wrong way to look at it, but it seems like he knows the lesson. Ok, I'm going to have breakfast now." Raven said with her monotone voice as she headed back inside.
"Yeah, alright. You two aren't in trouble then." The titan leader excused. Beast Boy and Starfire high fived. "Just don't go overboard again."
"Yes sir." They said as they all reentered the tower.
A/N: Well, this was a very interesting chapter to write. For the strange laws that were written about; they are all real. I found a list of them by searching 'Strange California Laws'. I know not all of them are from the San Francisco area, but if Jump City is supposed to be a combination of San Francisco and Boston, then taking all the strange laws from all over California wouldn't be too much of a stretch. Following the rules is good, but not every rule is good to follow. the next chapter is Opposites. Oh how I've waited for this. For those that ship CyJinx, or whatever the proper shipping name is, how should I fix the episode Opposites? I look forward your reviews of this chapter, and the next.