January 1st, evening

I left the pointless family meeting and drove to see Bella before it was too late. I called her from the end of the road, as I did not want to frighten her by seeing her in person, but she asked where I was and if I would come over. I told her my location and Bella invited me to her house so we could talk while her father was still at work.

It was very shocking that Bella would even consider talking to me after the horrific scene she had witnessed. I thought she must have trauma induced amnesia, be in shock or have thought somehow that it was a prank. I wanted to check on her and to say goodbye as I felt certain I would never see her again after today. All of it was profoundly distressing.

However Bella surprised me completely. She invited me in, closed the door and gave me a warm hug. Her face was tear stained and her cheeks flushed. I started to assure her it was animal blood she saw today and to apologise for how disgusted and terrified she must be.

Instead she sobbed that she had been so worried I would run away and that she would never see me again. She squeezed me tightly as she confessed that she has known for several months that my family and I are vampires, and knew from the lack of missing people that we are animals. Each time she had tried to tell me she found she couldn't get the words out.

Apparently that is why she was Dracula for Halloween and why she got me to be Renfield and why she bought the vampire DVD over and why she told me she knows I don't eat or sleep. It seems she has been dropping hints for months and I have been mentally sweeping them under the rug. I am in complete shock at this revelation, it shall take me some time to process.

It seems Bella thought if she told me it might scare me away, but that she also wanted to tell me, or for me to tell her. Of course I have desperately wanted to tell her too! I have been dropping my own hints, being sloppy about letting her touch me and indulging in her discussions of vampirism for some months. From late October I had decided on a plan for her to find out without explicitly breaking Volturi law and telling her. I was too tired to keep pushing her away, she is too irresistible and my heart aches for her too much to have behaved prudently and cut her out of my life altogether. She seemed to want so much for us to have no secrets and now there is just one left- how profoundly in love with her I am.

All of the fear, shock and relief made me dizzy and I started to shake, so Bella sat me down on the couch and continued to hug me and rub my back as I put my head between my knees. She leant her warm body against mine and cried a while as we stayed like that. She asked if we would move away, and I said we would if she wanted us to, or give her money to relocate if she preferred. She was adamant that she didn't want us to go and wanted us all to stay in Forks, and swore fervently that she will never tell anyone. I wholeheartedly believe her, perhaps it is foolhardy, perhaps I am deluding myself because I want so to believe her, but she has proven herself to be good, honest and trustworthy time and again. I shall not succumb to my family's doubts about her, she is better, braver and stronger than all of us.

Explaining to her how dangerous the whole situation was and that her life was in grave danger because of me was very taxing, but she said she had known this for quite some time and her eyes were open when she made her decision to continue our friendship. I asked when that was, when she discovered what I was and she said it was incremental, but it seems she has been fairly certain since early October. She said there were a thousand pointers: the hissing, my cold skin, the way I sometimes sniff her, the fact that none of my siblings nor I leave clouds in the air when we breathe in the wintertime, our unnatural appearance, the purring and my unnatural speed and strength when I helped her out of the pool, and the fact that when I carried Bella twice when she broke her wrist she could not hear my heart beating even with her ear pressed directly on my chest. She said I shouldn't tell Rosalie this bit though, as she might be a little more accepting if Rose thinks she is responsible for Bella finding out, rather than merely being confirmation of a firmly held suspicion.

I told Bella about the stupid family meeting and that Carlisle and Esme were still away and would be home tomorrow. We are both nervous about what they will say. Bella has asked if she can speak with them in person. I think they will probably agree.

It's impossible to understand how she could know about this and not be repulsed by it. She asked some very difficult questions, but I owed her honest answers.

"Do you eat people?" "No."

"Have you in the past?" "I have, yes, a great many"

"Could you hear them when you…?" "Yes"

"How long have you lived on animal blood?" "From 1918 to 1927, then again since 1931"

"When were you born?" "1901"

"So are you like... an old man inside? " "No, part of me will always stay 17 emotionally, other parts have changed, it's difficult to explain, but I was quite static inside, aside from growing more and more bitter, until I met you."

"When did you….change?" "1918"

"Have you changed anyone?" "No, never! This is a curse Bella, I would never do that to anyone. I would give anything, anything to be human again."

"Are your whole family vampires?" "Yes"

"Can they all read minds too?" "No, just me, but Alice and Jasper have powers. Alice can see possible outcomes in the future, but not with total certainty, and Jasper can sense and influence people's moods."

"Oh wow…"

"Have you been married?" "Never, everything I told you about that aspect of my life is true."

It went on like this for a long time. I couldn't look at her, but eventually she begged me to. I am so ashamed for her to know how cursed I am. The relief of being able to confess is more than I ever could have imagined, but so is the shame and loathing.

Eventually she asked the most difficult question: "Did you stalk me because you wanted to eat me?" I tried my best to convey my feelings truthfully and replied "I cannot deny you smell a million times better to me than anyone I have ever met, but although I was drawn to you in that way at first, I soon became far more drawn to you because you are good, through and through, because I cannot hear your thoughts and you are so peaceful to be around, because you are so accepting and forgiving. You are interesting, intelligent, funny and kind hearted, passionate, brave, modest and many other wonderful things. You have made me want to become a better man and you have helped me start to make that a reality. That is why I want to be around you so much." She blushed and whispered "Well, I think all those things about you too Edward. And you smell amazing."

The moment was broken when I heard her father's cruiser approaching and told her he was almost home and I should go. I promised her that I would not leave Forks and I would keep in contact with her about Carlisle and Esme once they returned home.

She hurried us into the kitchen and grabbed a small bag from the worktop, pressing it into my hands. She hugged me tightly once more, and ran her fingers through my hair as she said "It's going to be ok Edward." I tore myself away and dashed out of the back door as her father was pulling up in the driveway.

When I reached my car I sat in a daze for a moment, then realised I was holding the bag that Bella had pressed into my hands in the kitchen. Inside were several presents, wrapped clumsily in Christmas paper, I expect one handed wrapping was quite the challenge for poor Bella. I decided to unwrap the gifts in my car, not wanting to return to the chaos of the Cullen home and have that spoil the moment. Bella had given me such wonderful thoughtful gifts: a pair of rechargeable hand warmers, she had written 'For your icy fingers!' on the tag, a remote control jammer, the tag reading 'This should be handy for Mama Mia!', something called a white noise machine with settings to make the sound of the sea, rainfall, the wind and a heartbeat, which apparently it is supposed to help calm people with insomnia. I am especially looking forward to trying the heartbeat setting when I pretend to sleep. She returned my cashmere scarf, it smells just like her. I shall wear it these next few days to help get me through all this upset. Bella also wrote me a letter, but I am saving that to read later, I can't quite bear to open it just yet.

Carlisle and Esme are due home tomorrow and it will undoubtedly be another very long day. I love Bella so much, so, so much. There are no words. I hope my family do not force me away from her. I simply could not bear it.

The house is much quieter now than when I left. I spent a long time cleaning up the unholy mess in the garage and my room. After that Alice and Jasper got me to help them with mending Esme's table. It looks in quite a sorry state still and I am sure she will not be best pleased about it. Rosalie and Emmett have retreated to their room, though I can hear Emmett merrily humming Sex Bomb to himself, no doubt inspired by the bath bomb he ate that turned today into the strangest day of my entire existence.

A/N: Please leave a review! Thanks so much to my wonderful beta wh1teow1, please show some love and read Moirai, a reimagining of Twilight for the new decade! What would you give Edward for Christmas? 2 entries left to go!