It was another typical day in the tower, and what's a typical day in the tower without Beast Boy and Cyborg going at it again with their vegetables vs meat debates, as the titans ate their cereal in boredom watching the boys argue at each other.
"Meat is obviously the superior food Grass Stain! You haven't experienced the succulent flavors that a good steak can give!"
"How do you expect me to eat animals when I become them?! Besides, vegetables won't give me a heart attack!"
"I can make good meat with all the high cholesterol and salt! Meat can be good for ya!"
"That's not the point! You're asking me to be a cannibal!
"It's only cannibalism if you're the same species! I'm not telling you to eat a steak as a bull!"
"Dude, you're still not getting it! Augh, I'm going to my room! I can't deal with this right now!"
"Fine with me bro!" The two left for their rooms, leaving the four others to chew silently for a few seconds.
"So is this going to be another fued or..." Jinx asked, barely bothered to be invested in something so trivial.
"Well, in one way it could be custom." Starfire suggested. "Like how it's customary on my planet that-"
"I don't really care." Raven interrupted. "In a few minutes they're just going to ask for our input on the matter and expect us to help."
"Well, if that is the likely case then we might as well just pick sides." Robin concluded on the matter before self-proposing, "I'll go with Cyborg."
"Same." Jinx agreed.
"Then Raven and I will side with the Cyborg!" Starfire cheered. By the time the two came back, Beast Boy and Cyborg noticed the two were already wearing hats that resembled a steak and broccoli respectively.
"Alright, now that you're here, let's get this over with." Jinx sighed as she held up a meat shaped riot shield and femur lance.
"Yes, let us commence the battle of animal products and vegetation superiority!" The battle ready warrior princess cried out, trying to have fun.
"Dude, are we really that predictable?" Cyborg asked.
"They know us so well, dude." BB responded before the two of them laughed. "However, if them be so used to our quarreling that they're doing cosplay about it, we need outside help to freshen things up."
"Then I know just what to do." Cyborg said as he thought of an idea.
At the St. Francine's Home of Lost Children, it was lunch time and the kids were eating when Mrs. Clement called to them all.
"Children, children listen up!" Once they all quieted down so that the houseparent could speak. "Children, I have some bad news. Funding has been cut this year for this orphanage, and at the current rate of adoption, you'll all have to go through only breakfast and shower twice a week. for all of you, unless some of you are sent into foster care." As the children talked to themselves in despair, the Tween Titans were partially panicking.
"What?! But how am I supposed to be the lively one between us?! That's literally my name!" Lizzie complained.
"I don't want to starve." Sophie cried as Steven and Devrie tried to comfort her.
"Like a bubble, all good things must pop." Lynn sighed in defeat. That is until one of the walls were busted down with the titans, along with Birdarang and Boom Box.
"What's up ya'll." The flying weapon asked.
"Teen Titans!" All of the children cheered, but Mrs. Clement was more than displeased to witness their means of entry.
"Titans! I just told the children we got financially cut! We don't have the money to repair the wall!"
"Oh, sorry." Robin apologized guiltily, scratching the back of his head.
"We'll fix the wall later!" Cyborg waved off. What we need is an army! Meats vs Vegetables baby!"
"Meats vs Vegetables?" Steve asked. "Like which one is better?"
"Yeah! It's normally between me and String Bean here, and occasionally our friends. But things have gotten so predictable we needed outside assistance.
"And that's where you guys come in." Beast Boy continued. "We just need to dress you up as little meats and little veggies and we're good to go!"
"Absolutely not!" Mrs. Clement protested. "Aside from the Tween Titans, there shall be no violence with my children, even if its plastic pork chop bombs or foam celery swords!"
"Dang it. Take the fun out of a classic argument." The metallic titan bemoaned as he kicked a brick.
"What about a presentation?" Sophie offered. "That way we can see which is better without anyone getting hurt?"
"Perfect!" Robin smiled at her idea. "Not only will we settle this in a rational manner, but even teach kids a couple of valuable dietary lessons."
"Not that it'll do any good if we can't afford more than breakfast." The houseparent sighed.
"Running on rough times?" Raven asked.
"As I said, we've been financially cut. To save money some of the kids would have to go to foster care."
"No, we won't allow that!" Beast Boy objected. "When this is over, we'll personally help! Count on it!" The green teen was pulled back by the Boy Wonder as he whispered,
"And how are we going to do that? It's not like we have the finances."
"We'll ask Batman or whatever. But for now, let's just see which food is better."
The kids sat in the back of the orphanage where they played outside where Cyborg, Jinx and Robin presented a projector based slideshow, courtesy of Birdarang and Boom Box.
"Children, when it comes to food, none so are more satisfying then meat. Now sure, the cynical will say meat is bad for you and will clog your heart. But it's not all bad. After all, nothing except nuts and beans even come close to the amount of protein you get, which is how you become all big and strong like Robin here. And even me before I became Cyborg. I was a football player back in Detroit, I could've been like the all time greats like Calvin Johnson and Barry Sanders, or as you kids may recognize more, Jerry Rice. Sure, it was a combination of practice, hard work and meat, but the meaty reward always made all those sprained ankles and broken bones worth it. It's just that goooooooooooood. I thank you." Once his turn was over, Beast Boy stepped up to bat with Raven and Starfire.
"Younglings, dudes, let's be real here. Here's why vegetables are better. First of all, meat overall has just one flavor. Meatiness. Even with sauces that's boring. Now with vegetables, we know that stuff like carrots, lettuce, tomatoes, corn and peppers all have wildly different tastes! And they help promote a longer life! Unlike meat as you'll see at this chart. With the combination of saturated fats, trasfats and cholesterol, it makes you fatter, lethargic and unable to sustain yourself. Meat is even known to kill en mass, yo!"
"Hey Broccoli Brain, how about you lay off the scare tactics?" Raven whispered. "You're going to give them nightmares."
"Sorry, I was getting too real there. But vegetables, while still involved with death, are much lower in that regard. Mostly because there's nothing wrong with them. In fact, the only way you can be harmed by a vegetable is by eating dozens upon dozens of more than what is recommended. Meat? Just a few too many pounds. You'd literally have to try hard with vegetables while there's no difficulty with meat. So, what do you think?" While the kids talked among themselves, a slow clap was heard as Cyborg stood up and walked to his best friend.
"Very well explained little buddy. However, there's on big flaw to your little speech."
"And what's that bro?" BB asked with his eyes narrowing.
"Your whole spiel was about comparing yourself to how superior you are to meat, while I didn't touch on your stuff. Which means one thing." He towered above his short green friend. "Aside from taste and longevity, vegetables have no ground by themselves. They have to compare themselves to meat while they can stand by themselves. Plus, I didn't scare the kids in the process. Which means I win."
"Hey, we're asking what the kids think you fool!" Before they could get into it again, Mrs. Clement yelled at them.
"That's enough, both of you!" They turned to the annoyed teacher whom approached them. "I already deal with little kids who have spats like this, but you two are older teenagers! Grow some maturity and accept you have different opinions! Whatever reasons you have of being a meat fan or vegetarian, it shouldn't put a strain on your friendship like this. If you have truly been through this enough times to come to us, then it's been quite done to death with no obvious winner in near sight. Are your diets really that important over your friendship that you would fight about it?" The two were stunned. It was one thing if Robin or Raven yelled at them, since they were like family and knew each other's preferred taste pallets, but a houseparent whom never saw their fights metaphorically slapped them in the face with a kind of truth that tends to be forgotten among the passion and energy. Looking at each other, the two sighed.
"Sorry bro. It's not that I'm trying to make you into a cannibal or something. It's just that eating meat is one of the few physical sensations I can still enjoy as a human and I just want to share that experience with you as my best bud."
"Dude, you could've just said so. Even though I'm against meat on principal, we can still have substitutes that doesn't violate my beliefs. You were just too stubborn to accept anything except the real deal."
"Good, now will you shake hands to officiate the deal?" The titans nodded and shook hands, which caused all the kids to cheer.
"Thanks Mrs. Clement. It's finally great to have those two stop bickering about their favorite foods. I'll find a means of funding this place so that none of the kids starve as thanks. Mrs. Clement smiled as all the kids celebrated.
Robin entered the kitchen when he heard familiar yelling.
"Beastie, just accept this perfectly good bacon!"
"What am I, some kind of pig to you?! No way bro!"
"What?! I thought we got this sorted out yesterday!" The titan leader groaned.
"Oh, we actually are past that Robin." Cyborg told him.
"It's just so routine it feels weird not to yell at each other about it dude." Beast Boy added before yelling at his best friend, "How can you eat that much grease?! It's disgusting!"
"The grease makes it more delicious!"
"Please stop!" The rest of the titans pleaded.