[More notes passed between Bella and Edward during class]

Edward?

Yes?

Your family all did what you did before, right?

I wouldn't categorise it like that at all for those who did and Carlisle and Rosalie haven't ever done anything like that

Is that why Rosalie is such a haughty bitch?

Bella!

What? She fucking loves herself. She's always acting like she's so much better than everyone. She treats you like shit too. Like she thinks she's better than you. Well she's not.

Well Rosalie is better than me.

Bullshit

And she has her reasons for being the way she is

What? Thinking that because she's pretty that it's ok to shit on other people.

As far as I recall Rosalie has never defecated on me. Mercifully. She couldn't actually, even if she wanted to.

Because her head's stuck so far up her butt?

Because of our condition

Wait wait wait wait wait

I am waiting

You guys don't go number two?

No. No powder room stuff at all.

Not even number one?! But you're on a liquid diet, how comes you're not all sloshy like a water balloon?

Well Carlisle is very interested in our biology as a doctor. He says we don't sweat, and as you noticed in the winter, outside when we breathe.

Yeah! No clouds. Where is it all GOING?

None of us can figure it out. We've been trying for years.

Omg that'd drive me nuts not knowing.

Carlisle does find it frustrating. We know the water we consume is under very high pressure to the point it becomes a superionic solid, but of course there must still be some kind of homeostatic process taking place even so.

I have no idea what superionic means. But solid water is ice, so are you like made of ice?

Only insofar as you're made of water.

This is such a cool mystery! That must be why you're cold!

Believe me, it gets old when you run out of answers real fast. And it is unrelated to our body temperature. Did your science teachers in Phoenix ever show you what happens to water in a vacuum?

It boils.

At room temperature. This is just opposite end of that spectrum.

Oh. So do you know why you're cold?

Nope.

Oh.

Frustrating right?

Yeah. It is. I still think you're cool though.

The feeling's more than mutual.

So anyway, back to my original point- you aren't the only one who did that stuff in your family, right?

This isn't my story to tell, but I guess you need the context- Alice and Jasper did but they didn't know there was any other alternative. Esme and Emmett have had slip ups, catastrophic slip ups. They never intended that to happen but a couple of times it did. But me? I knew exactly what I was doing. It was calculated and I knew better and I did it anyway. Hundreds of times. For years. It's not comparable in any way.

I see. I don't think that's all you are though. For what it's worth.

Could any of the other things I am or have done matter in the face of that act? Hundreds of times. I don't see how they could.

I don't see how I could forget everything I know of you and just see that though. It's not logical and it's not me condoning what you did. But it's just…. I haven't resolved how I feel in my head about it, but perhaps it won't ever BE resolved. I'm never gonna stop thinking of the man I know now as who you are and I'm never gonna think that your past actions were ok, but I also don't know how wrong I feel they were comparatively speaking and I'm confused about if these things should matter less after a very long time has passed and if so how much time is enough time. My head is full of questions that just keep going round in a blur. They're not questions with answers either. I don't know how I feel. Or I do, but only about some stuff, and it's totally contradictory.

I'm so sorry.

I'd rather feel like this than be kept in the dark Edward.

If there's anything I can do to make it easier, give you space, answer questions or anything, just say the word.

Thanks. I guess I just want a little break for my mind, but I suppose it'll all keep churning over till it doesn't any more.

How about a moment of distraction?

Hit me. Not literally, don't look so horrified doofus. I mean go ahead.

Oh! Right. Here goes then ... How many apples grow on a tree?

I don't know Edward, how many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

A/N: Reviewers get to see Edward's little smile as he tells you another one of his terrible jokes.

Thanks a million to my wonderful betas itsthatkindofanight and wh1teow1 (please show some love and read Moirai, a reimagining of Twilight for the new decade!