It was very windy today. At lunchtime Bella caught up with me as I was walking across the quad to the cafeteria.I asked if we could sit outside and she said, "Isn't it a bit windy for that?"
I nodded and explained that was exactly why we should be outside. She mumbled something about me being all squirrelly and wired, I told her I had no idea what she was talking about.
"Edward, will you tell me why you want to sit outside please? It's freezing and this wind, it's not exactly fun to sit in, my hair's flying all over the place!"
I explained in hushed tones that I needed to keep watch, keeping my eyes trained on the swaying trees in the school grounds, as we queued for some yellowish chunks in goo. I wanted to go on patrol, but I wanted to spend time with Bella. I was torn between these two strong impulses, glancing back and forth between her and the swirling of the leaves caught in the gusts outside.
As soon as we paid, Emmett approached and said "Are you coming outside Edward?" I nodded and Bella frowned down at her goo. "Wanna come?" He asked her.
"I want to eat before I do anything else, I'm hungry."
"We'll wait, but hurry." I urged, we only had half an hour to patrol before the lunch period finished and if we encountered anything we might have to take the whole afternoon. Time was of the essence! I steered Bella away from our usual spot and headed towards a table currently occupied by some anaemic looking freshmen who appeared to be engaged in an intense conversation regarding the (apparently irresitable) sexual lure of fedoras. Mike Newton was eavesdropping narby, imagining himself as some sort of lothario in a pinstriped fedora, surrounded by luscious beauties clamouring for his greasy noodle. I gagged and then hissed loudly at the group while Bella tutted and told me in a delightfully erotic admonishment to sit the fuck down. My siblings all joined me at this vantage point besides the floor to ceiling windows lining one wall, each of us intently watching the pewter clouds that were racing across the sky.
"What's going on with you guys? You've all got the same weird look on your faces. Edward, your pupils are huge! Is something bad happening?" Bella asked nervously.
"Sssssh, eat your goo." I grabbed her spork and piled it as high as possible pressing it to her belligerently closed mouth. "Aaaaaah. Open wide! Quickly Bella. There is not a second to lose! Please!"
She shovelled a few more mouthfuls in, grumbling the whole time, and then glared at me in a vehement rage as she dumped her leftovers in the trash. Things were getting very steamy indeed!
"Thank god! That was taking forever!" Alice proclaimed. We'd all been thinking it, she just said it. "Let's go!"
Bella asked a lot of questions as we hurried outside and made for the woods at the back of the school. Rose shot her a frustrated glare, "Doesn't she have any faster gears?"
"I'm right here Rosalie, geez. Would someone please tell me what the fuck is going on?"
Alice explained, "We're all going on patrol in the woods, you're coming with us. I got you out of your afternoon classes before I came to the cafeteria. We're not going back inside until we're done. I hope you brought gloves."
Bella produced a sad looking mauve beanie from her bag and twisted her hair up under it to stop it from furiously whipping her around the face. She didn't seem very excited at all and I can't fathom why not.
As soon as we made it to the treeline Jasper shot up the top of the nearest Douglas Fir with Alice in hot pursuit. Roasalie and Emmett shot off into the distance at breakneck speed, while I lagged behind, removing my coat and wrapping it around Bella for extra warmth, hopping from foot to foot anxiously as I hassled her to hurry up and pick a spot. I cast a glance back to Bella, and grinned as she stared, open mouthed at the spectacle unfolding around her. She had barely sat down before I had scampered up and down the nearest tree a good twelve times.
I ran small laps around my beloved, occasionally slowing to wave at her, while she silently watched with a bemused expression on her face.
"Edward, what are you doing?"
"Patrol!"
"Patrol for what?"
"Just to check."
Emmett and Rosalie careered past the log where Bella sat, whooping.
"What do you need to check that one tree for so much? What are the others looking for?"
"That's the thing, we have never successfully located it yet. But we know it's here."
"A…another vampire?"
"No no no no no, nothing so simple. This enemy is unseen. I do not believe you to be in any danger, but we must be vigilant, yes! We are on high alert!"
"I can see that. Sort of." She muttered as I rushed hither and thither in the woods around her. I felt a blustering at my rear and I turned, moving into a crouch and hissing furiously at it. I spent a goodly time turning on the spot to make sure my backside was thoroughly defended.
"Edward, it's just the wind!" Ha! 'just'!
I scuttled a slow circle, maintaining an iron defence. Bella rolled her eyes.
Once the imminent threat had passed I resumed my dashing, making sure to cover all directions and doubling back to be extra sure. After all this, the woodland floor was getting quite churned up with my motions, so I switched tactics and shot up and down a few trees, as quickly as I was able, turning as soon as I reached their tops and descending swiftly, before racing up another.
I was blindsided by a blast of icy air mid climb and fell from the tree as I fought uselessly against it.
"Edward, are you trying to punch the wind?"
"Maybe."
"You know that's not how it works, right?"
Alice backed her way through the clearing gnashing against the flurries. I ran to her aid and started chomping furious mouthfuls of air, determined that this time, this time, we would finally triumph in our hundred year long war against our invisible foe. Jasper joined us, kicking and stamping. Bella was doing a marvellous job of resisting it's dastardly attacks, but despite our increased number and valiant efforts, we were fast losing ground.
Rosalie came hurtling through the clearing and darted up a tree to launch an assault from above, leaping out, arms windmilling as she landed as many punches as she could before hitting the ground. We all froze as we heard Emmett unleash an agonised yelp, "My ears, it's inside my ears!"
"You fiend!" I bellowed at the sky and we all ran in formation to assist him.
"Emmett, come here." Bella said, eerily calm in the face of mortal peril.
We carried his broken form, hissing and writhing on the stretcher made of our arms, to Bella's side. She plucked off her beanie and stretched it over his meaty head, pulling it down below his ears.
"Is that better?" she smirked.
Emmett stilled and nodded, grinning widely as he made a miraculous recovery. He glanced at me and said "You should marry her, Edward."
I fumbled some kind of laugh-snort combination in response, rounding it off with an exaggerated wink and a thumbs up to Bella. Idiot, idiot idiot!
Bella flushed and avoided my gaze, "Um… anyway…Have you got any more hats?"
"I keep an emergency beret in my locker." Alice said breathlessly as she whipped her head around, trying to anticipate the next angle of onslaught.
"I imagine it will only help if it covers your ears."
"Then no."
"Have you tried staying inside?"
We all laughed ruefully at this suggestion. "That's exactly what it wants us to do!" Jasper snarled, "We will not let it have dominion over us! We shall never surrender!"
"Oh…Right…Look, the bell's about to go for the end of lunch, so I'm going to head in and warm up. Make sure you get in a few good punches for me ok?"
Rosalie hissed "Deserter!", but thankfully Bella was out of earshot, already bravely battling in solitude against the brutal charges of the gale as she made towards the school building.
The afternoon and evening were spent in heated battle, we won several skirmishes, but alas, seem to have lost overall, merely forcing the enemy to move on to a new area at around 11pm, rather than vanquishing it as hoped. We kept a stoic watch over the woods near school for the remainder of the evening, assessing our losses and counting our dead (there were five of us).
[Text messages]
Bella: Do you still have the zoomies?
Edward: I don't know what you're talking about.
Edward, you took me outside, during the school day, to watch you chase your own butt and then try and punch the wind. You had the zoomies.
WE WERE AT WAR!
Does this happen every time it's windy?
Yes. Why? Do you have any weapon ideas?
I think you all need some hats with earflaps, unless you enjoy it of course. You kinda looked like you were enjoying it.
There is nothing pleasurable about the kind of crushing defeat we faced today. Thank you, but I don't want to wear the hat.
Of course, sorry. Are Carlisle and Esme ok?
They'll survive, we all will, until next time.
OK, well that's good to know. I guess I'll see you at school tomorrow. Try to calm down, maybe listen to your calming CD?
We have all been listening to my violent music CD on repeat in the Volvo in the school car park, to prepare for the next attack.
Why are you still at school?
We were keeping guard here in case it comes back. We got locked in.
I see. I'm going to read a book in the bath and turn in, then. See you tomorrow doofus!
Sleep well- keep your windows closed!
The wind is sneaky!
I will. Night!
Goodnight.
A/N: Reviewers get to watch the Forks High CCTV of Edward realising he's locked in and the Cullens spending the night listening to his violent CD on repeat, jamming out in the Volvo.
Thanks a million to my wonderful betas itsthatkindofanight and wh1teow1. Please show some love and read Moirai, a reimagining of Twilight for the new decade!