A/N: Hey guys. So here's the thing. I talked to Eris who suggested that Robin and Cyborg try to teach American football to the other titans because they're more used to either soccer(Africa and India) or don't know Earth sports. I asked him if he could make a funny sequence where they try to learn the sport, but he's got nothing, and I don't know anyone who knows the sport well enough so while I'll try to make it funny where I can, expect a regular how-to on American football.
Cyborg and Robin were cheering on the couch watching football while eating, drinking, and wearing all sorts of sports stuff while the TV showed the Detroit Lions vs the Tennessee Titans. Starfire came in and noticed the game.
"Oh, is this the game about the foot and the ball?"
"Yeah, football baby!" Cyborg yelled as he stuffed chips in his mouth. "Best sport in the whole country!"
"It's really that popular? Maybe I would like to learn how to play." The alien girl commented. The two boys breathed in sharply with worried looks.
"I think you'd be overqualified to play. With your strength and endurance, you'd mop the floor with us." He then realized and continued before Starfire could respond. "And I don't mean using us as if we're actual mops. It means you'd beat us easily. Remember in Gotham when you tackled through that football team? Everyone but me here don't weigh as much as them and you pushed through them like they were wet napkins.
"Oh please Cyborg, I will try to hold back so that I can participate." It was then that Jinx and Beast Boy came in.
"...And that is how I transform. Oh, hey guys! What ya'll doing?"
"We're considering about teaching Starfire about football.
"Oh, that should be fun. I know a thing or two about football when I was younger. Or rather...what I've observed since no one in India would play with me." The female metahuman looked down sadly. Shaking her head of the bad thoughts, she then asked, "So, what does Star know?"
"Basically nothing right now. We need to teach her about reaching the endzone and scoring touchdowns and such." But that only served to confuse the girl.
"What? There isn't any touchdowns in football."
"Uh, yeah there are. We're watching football right now!" Cyborg pointed to the screen and she shrugged.
"That ain't football Cy."
"Oh, I gets it dudes!" Beast Boy realized. "We're confusing national footsballs. Jinx, in America, they have their own game of football. Everywhere else when the ball isn't brown and oval shaped, they calls it soccer."
"Oh. I actually forgot about that." Then she smiled mischievously. "You know, I never really liked the game soc-her. I much prefer soc-him." The witch then proceeded to lightly slug the green teen in the arm.
"Ow!" He yelped.
"Oh don't be a baby I didn't hit you that hard." Jinx scoffed with an eye roll. "What did you guys think of my pun?"
"And you call me out for making a clock pun." Robin chuckled. "But it was good." But anyway, it seems like today we're all going to learn and play the game of football! Come on, say it, and let it ignite with passion in your hearts. Football!"
"Football?" Jinx said questionably.
"No, football!"
"Football." Starfire replicated with a smile, but the titan leader said,
"With passion!"
"Football!" Beast Boy yelled.
"Now that's more like it! Now let's go!" Outside, all six of the titans were wearing the basic American football equipment, most of it predominantly white with light blue as the secondary color. A helmet, shoulder pads, gloves, sports shoes, thigh and knee guards.
"I've never felt so weighed down and bulky." Raven commented, having had to discard her cloak since it would've only fit around her poorly. Jinx nodded.
"You're telling me. I've never had to wear this much protective clothing." Cyborg came up to them.
"American Football is designed for big strong men, not girls. At best women play semi-professionally, mostly casual. But us titans of course are not discriminatory. Plus, I'm more worried about Starfire over there." He pointed to the Tamaranean whom was talking to Robin as they enthusiastically yelled,
"Be, aggressive! Be-ee, aggressive!"
"Yeah, I definitely wouldn't want to play against her without magic." Raven agreed. Beast Boy approached to ask his best friend something.
"Hey Cy, you think these shin armor protects against kicks?"
"Only glancing blows and trips. If I or Star deliberately tried to kick you, we'd be just breaking your shin in half. And even Rae and Jinx would do more than just give you a bruise."
"Oh. Sounds painful." A whistle blew where they all turned to Robin.
"Alright titans, for those who are unfamiliar with American football, let's go over the basics. You just need to get this ball to the end goal there." He pointed to the end behind him.
"Easy." Jinx grinned as she ran and jumped. Robin yelped as he ducked, leaving the football to be suspended in the air when the metahuman kicked it, sending it flying to the end.
"Haha, point!" Jinx high-fived Starfire, But Robin blew the whistle while using a yellow flag.
"No point! You don't just kick the ball to the other side. It only works during the kick-off. Otherwise it's either carrying the ball or catching it in the endzone. And besides, you didn't even kick it right. Let me demonstrate." Retrieving the ball, and getting a second before returning to his friends, he continued,
"There's two ways a football is properly kicked. The field kick and the drop. I'll demonstrate." Give the first to Cyborg whom placed it steady on the ground and placing the second down, Robin backed up before going in and kicking the football to the endzone. "That was the field kick. Use the foot in between your toe and ankle and keep it stiff. And now for the drop." Picking up the second football, he held it up straight, the ball at a slightly downward left angle, ran forward, dropped the ball then kicked it, reaching the endzone just as good. "That's how you kick a football. Unless it's those kicks, then no using your feet except for running. As they practiced throughout the day, the titans learning didn't start off so well. They kept either kicking it too weakly or too much to the left or right. As for Starfire, she tried gently kicking the ball by nudging it with a slight tap of the toe of her shoe, only for the ball to zoom off the island and out the stratosphere, blowing a cloud apart along the way.
"Okay, no kicking for Starfire." Cyborg noted which she was sad about. After they got tired of bad kicks they then ran laps around the island, which wasn't too hard. When it came to catching Beast Boy had to sit out due to catching the football with his face, getting a black eye. But by the end of the day, the titans eventually went from terrible to adequate, which was a victory anyway since at least now they can play American football on just their first day of training.
"Alright! That felt inspiring!" Jinx yelled with excitement. "It was hard at first, but eventually kicking the ball to the end zone was great!" Turning into a green tiger, Beast Boy said,
"And the way you got past the defense? You're grrrrrreat!" Starfire was cheering somewhat maniacally for herself before asking,
"Why are we feeling, such intense of the emotions?!"
"That's the football spirit!" Robin responded as he spun the ball around on his finger. "It brings out the passion in you."
"I'll say." Raven agreed. "I've never felt so passionate for a sport before. I can't argue with how I'm feeling! Football!" The half-demon girl yelled before they all shouted,
"Football!"
A week later, the titans sat down in their seats in the outer reaches, far from the field. Beast Boy had special headgear meant for dulling down the overwhelming noise and smell that football games tend to get.
"I can't believe we managed to get tickets to an actual football game!" Cyborg cheered as that was the only way he could be heard in the crowd.
"I pulled some strings so that we could attend!" Robin responded.
"How does the pulling of strings result in the game?!" Starfire yelled. "Should it not be used for the sewing?!"
"It's just a metaphor Star!" Jinx replied.
"Hey, the game's startin' fools!" BB let them know as the players came out and started to play. And boy howdy was the star player dominating the first round he was in, getting past through every crook and nanny of the opponent team's defense. Once the ace player was benched for the later half, that's when the regular typical game for the first half began. However, the ball from inside began to glow red, and a sphere of energy burst from within, causing everyone inside to be pulled into a trance. Raven was able to protect herself and her friends from the field before the energy hit them, and within seconds the stadium was pulled into a deep trance. "Whoa, what's happening?"
"It looks like everyone has been put under mind control." The half-demon guessed. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" Spreading her magic through all her friends, she dropped the shield but they remained unaffected. "I made us immune to mind alterations for the time being."
"Aw, very clever my duckies." A very familiar British accent called out to them. They turned with a gasp to see it was Mad Mod!
"Mad Mod, what's your evil game trying to disrupt our game?!" Robin asked the villain very threateningly.
"Your sport is very barbaric. American football, ha! It shames the international name by being so brutish and unhealthy to the player in the long run. England's football, or soccer as you may refer it, is much more sophisticated and clean, where the only worry is a sprained ankle if one's unlucky enough."
"You may have a point about the players and how damaging the game can be, but they love the game and the fans they get from playing such an inspiring game! Star!" The Tamaranean tried to fire a starbolt at the football, but everyone stood up, glaring at the titans.
"Aw, yeah no, apologizes titans, but if you were to try to destroy my plot, then you risk the people you fight to protect."
"Well you forget one thing Mod." Raven said, her face determined.
"And what might that be?"
"Portal." Snapping her fingers, all six of them dropped through a portal underneath them, disappearing altogether.
"Bah! What a bunch of cream puffs. Oh well, I can just go through with my plan unhindered! Let's go everyone!" But before they could, all of the titans stepped out, wearing their football gear. "Wait, you bloody lot just went and swapped wardrobe?"
"We talked and Jinx thought an idea." Robin answered.
"That bloody quick?! You just escaped!"
"I stopped time so we could discuss." Raven replied. "Probably could've just destroyed your device while it was frozen but Jinx wanted to prove something."
"Yeah, why don't we see who can win while playing these games! One football, the other soccer, and the third by your choice. If we beat you two out of three, then you surrender."
"And if I win?"
"Then you take over or whatever. We'll likely be overpowered by that point anyway." The metahuman's friends became worried about her plan.
"Aw yeah, that sounds all fine and dandy love, but you don't have enough players, do you?"
"We actually do." Raven snapped her fingers, and the Tween Titans came up through portals.
"Raven? What's going on?" Steve asked, caught off guard by being taken out of the orphanage.
"Ah! It's him again!" Sophie pointed at Mad Mod, whom recognized the kids.
"Those little pip-squeak bairns? Ha, this is going to be easier than I thought." Tapping his cane against his hover craft, robots descended from the sky and landed on the field.
"Kids, we're going to play a game. And that game is kick Mad Mod's butt in football and soccer."
"Well this should be interesting." Lynn dryly remarked.
"Aw come on Lynn." Lizzie put an arm over his shoulders. "At least we get to play games while kicking villain butt!"
"Not only that, it's one of the few times the titans asked for our help in fighting evil. We've got to show them we can do it!" Steve added.
"Ugh, fine. It's not like I wasn't going to do it anyway you know. I just don't like sports."
The first round was soccer, all the titans in white and light blue, the opposing robot team red and dark blue. A robot kicked the ball and tried to make it into the goal but Devrie caught it with her leg while in mid-jump, and landed on one leg while the ball was clinched between her left leg before letting it drop out, and ran forward. When it seemed like she was going to kick a ball into the goal, one of the robots shot an oil slick from its arm, causing her to slip onto the ground while her kick made the ball go out of bounds.
"Hey, that's freaking cheating!" Jinx called the old man out.
"What? I'm a villain ain't I? You should've suspected I wasn't going to be fair right from the get go. You of all people should've saw this one coming my unlucky ducky."
"In that case, time out!" She made a T, and a whistle blew. The titans gathered in a huddle. "Okay, he's cheating, and he's probably expecting all of what we have to offer. What are we going to do?"
"I have an idea." Robin thought of, smiling mischievously. "Starfire, you need to kick the ball."
"But will it not leave Earth's atmosphere?"
"Yes, but he won't be expecting that. You knocked it off the planet with just a nudge. So we need you to just give it a regular old kick instead."
"But what if that destroys the city?" Raven questioned.
"You can just fix it again with your powers like you frequently do." The sorceress groaned. "Alright, let's foot this ball!"
"Yeah! Getting out of them huddle, the second match is going underway, and the ball went to the titans. Robin went first as he got past the initial defense, and kicked it to Raven, whom caught it with her head and head-butted it to Steve-O-Size, whom caused the ball to grow double its size. He kicked the ball to Beast Boy whom turned into a shark and smacked it with his tail fin so that Starfire got a clear shot where she can kick without possibly hurting her friends. With a good kick, she caused the ball to go so fast, it caught on fire and smashed through the flying platform Mad Mod stood on, leaving the British villain no time to say anything before a huge gust of wind followed, blowing the screaming villain past the horizon along with the robots with him as they were pushed by Mach 3 winds trying to follow the ball. Raven kept everyone in place by anchoring them to where they were, the titans to the field and the audience to their seats. Once the atmosphere went back to normal, Cyborg smashed the mind controlling football, and everyone came out of their trance.
"Huh? What happened?" One of the football players questioned.
"Don't worry everyone, you were all being controlled by Mad Mod, but we managed to save you! Most of all Starfire!" The Tamaranean hovered down as everyone started to cheer for the titans, and especially the princess. She looked down to Robin, sporting a grateful face.
"Thank you Robin." The couple then kissed, making everyone go 'aww' from the display.
"Alright, the villain's beat, so what do we do now?" Lynn questioned.
"How about we play some ball at your place?" Cyborg suggested. "I'd imagine the game today will be suspended due to everyone being mind controlled and all."
"Yeah, let's do it!" Lizzie agreed whole-heartedly. With that settled, the titans played with the teens behind the orphanage, having a good time so long as Starfire didn't kick the ball.
A/N: How's that for Chekhov's gun? I turned a gag into a means of beating Mad Mod. Now, I will admit I made this ending because I don't really know how to make sports funny, but this certainly feels like something TTG would do if it were smarter but still retained its goofiness. Tell me what you think in the reviews below. We're nearly getting to Season 3 guys!