I invited Bella over for dinner and bought her a pizza, which she ate in my room. I tried hard to keep the smell out of the house but could still hear grumbling in the thoughts of Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper about it. Of course I shared their revulsion at the smell, but Bella deserves to be here and eat and they could try a little harder to edit their thoughts on the matter.

We listened to some of my records afterwards, lying side by side in the blanket fort as I stroked her arm. She asked me about the different musicians and about which artists I had seen live over the years.

When she drew me down to kiss her I was interrupted almost immediately by Emmett making kissy noises in the living room. Esme told him to behave, but Bella had already sensed my tension.

"What's wrong?"

"Emmett. Sorry, it's nothing." I kissed her again and tried to relax, or at least conceal my frustration.

After a few minutes I heard Rosalie thinking about how 'squelchy' Bella sounded. Was this really necessary? Couldn't she hold off until we were both out of the house? Or couldn't they leave and go for a run or something?

I know it is unfair to ask them to leave their own home, but is it not also unfair to subject me to this kind of disruption every time I want to invite Bella over?

"Edward? What are they saying?"

"Nothing out loud." I said and kissed her again, nuzzling into her hair.

"It's like we're in the same room, isn't it?"

I nodded and apologised again. "I'm so sorry. Look, maybe we can go to a hotel to hang out next time? Or drive my car to the lake again?"

"I like being here in your room though, surrounded by your things, being in your world. It's your home. I want to share your space with you like this sometimes."

"I want to share it with you too. I love it when you're here with me, I just wish…."

"I know. I wish we had more privacy too. It's hard to relax knowing they can hear everything."

"Exactly."

"When I visit you at college, we'll be able to have more privacy, same when you visit me. We might end up close enough we can visit once every month or two."

"That sounds nice." I said, I didn't share my thoughts about what will happen after she leaves for college. I don't plan to. I shall let it play out and let her go when she is ready. It's best to keep things light now, she won't agree with my take on things anyway at this point, she needs to grow away from me before she can imagine wanting more than I can give her.

I turned the record over and settled in next to her again, gazing at her and tracing her features with my fingertips. She sighed contentedly and pulled my shirt to draw me in for another kiss.

"You're so special Edward, you make me so happy." she murmured between kisses and wound her fingers through my hair. I sighed into her and breathed in her scent. I wanted to tell her how profoundly I loved her, how incredible she makes me feel, how I long to spend all of eternity with her and how I never want to live in a world where she doesn't exist. Instead i just whispered "You're everything."

I heard Esme internally cooing in her office and although her thoughts were kind and gentle, it was the last straw.

"Let me take you for a drive Bella, please." She must have seen the look of frustration in my eyes because she sighed and nodded, sitting up and readjusting her sweater.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, Edward. It isn't anyone's fault. it's just how things are. It's their home too and I'm an imposition."

"You're not!" I was livid she had been made to feel this way, "You have every right to visit and be made to feel welcome."

"I do feel welcome, I know they're all trying. You can't expect them to censor their thoughts."

"That's exactly what I expect."

"I don't think that's reasonable, or that it's all that easy to do that. I wouldn't be able to."

"We just need to find a better balance until graduation. It's only a few more months, then we will be able to move out and have more space and privacy." This again.

"Lets go to the lake for a while?"

"It's getting late, I should head home I guess. Come over later?"

I nodded. I knew I was being childish and sulking and tried to find a more mature instinct to follow, but none was available in the moment. I apologised again and held her close. If I could cry I think I may have.

If I were less greedy, I could be satisfied with all the miracles that have been handed to me. Instead the frustration of all these broken, truncated and stolen moments from our severely limited time together tears me up inside. It is such a simple thing, to want to share our time together in peace. But peace is ever elusive. I wish I were a stronger man, that I could be content with whatever I am given. I already feel like I am trying to catch smoke with my bare hands. Perhaps I am never meant to be happy, and this bittersweet feeling is the best I shall ever have. It should be enough. She is everything. Why isn't this enough?

I shall go for a run to try and work out some of this frustration before heading to Bella's in a few hours.

A/N: Reviewers get to take Edward up on his offer of a drive to the lake.

Thanks a million to my wonderful betas itsthatkindofanight and wh1teow1, please show some love and read Moirai, a reimagining of Twilight for the new decade!