Now that my family know Bella and I have kissed the speculation about what my nocturnal sojourns to her room may or may not involve is hotter than ever. I am spending as little time as possible at home and trying to make sure Esme is always nearby to help fend off the gossip vultures. She has been very supportive, though does keep nagging me to read about what ladies' have under their underthings which is terrifying and intriguing, but very much something I never wish to discuss with Esme. She insists there are books on the subject, but I have checked my bookshelves and there are none! I shall have to procure some, this will no doubt be a mortifying operation and I have to admit I have been procrastinating on the task. Carlisle has been giving me many a knowing look and leaving the bible open with verses about the sins of premarital fornication open on my bed. This is quite distressing in truth. He clearly expects the worst of me, which is understandable, but it is painful to see irrefutable proof of, nonetheless.

I asked him to chaperone a date between Bella and myself to Port Angeles this evening in an attempt to show him that I am not compromising her virtue. It did not go as I had hoped though.

Bella seemed a little surprised to find herself in the passenger seat of Carlisle's Mercedes, with myself relegated to the back and Carlisle at the wheel. On the drive to dinner, Carlisle played some Christian rap he had hunted down from the hospital youth pastor, attempting to appeal to Bella's love of 'bad boys' apparently. It seems I am the bad boy in question. Bella looked at me sympathetically and I grimaced apologetically as the speakers blasted out

"Spreading diseases across the nation,

a plague of premarital fornication,

god cries at every unmarried hymen broken,

so keep your legs crossed until 'I do' is spoken!

Pray to cool down

Practice abstinence

To avoid babes out of wedlock

bein' brought to existence

Keep your clothes buttoned all the way up,

Avoid makeup and all of that harlot's stuff,
Modesty's cool, the bible says so,

So make Jesus your homeboy and give abstinence a go!

Don't touch, don't touch,

You'll burn down in hell,

And remember your partner

will be burning as well!

Don't touch, don't touch,

If ya don't get married first,

Sex isn't even much fun, and you'll get infectious outbursts!"

Carlisle nodded along and told Bella this was what all the cool kids on the childhood leukemia ward were listening to these days. During this entire interaction, the entire evening in fact, Carlisle was praying at a furious speed for our purity and hoped he could somehow un-do all the kisses and hand holding (both deeply sinful by his judgment) that we had practiced to date.

We arrived at the Bella Italia restaurant and Carlisle insisted they turn on the house lights, ruining the lovely candlelit ambiance with a cold fluorescent glare. Bella still looked lovely though. Even the most unflattering lighting cannot dim the beauty of her fragile blush!

Once we arrived a table for six had to be arranged, Carlisle explained the three empty seats were to 'leave space for Jesus' between Bella and myself. Bella ordered the squiggly squares again and I got some leaves in a bowl to pretend. COnversation was a little stilted as several subjects were immediately nixed as too tempting or inappropriate by Carlisle, including local news, our upcoming midterm exams and what our house in Alaska looked like. Bella was getting visibly irate as the meal went on and the conversation was interrupted again and again.

We left the restaurant and went for a walk, Carlisle placed firmly between us and him mentally instructing me to stay a good two yards from Bella at all times. I offered to buy her a frozen sticky thingy, as I know she enjoys that and Carlisle shot me a warning glare as this was apparently an unchaste dish.

That was the straw that broke the camel's back. Bella stamped her foot and hissed at Carlisle, "You're ruining our evening. Edward's never been anything but the perfect gentleman to me and you're acting like I'm some kind of wanton hussy and he's the town gigolo! Would you please try to remember what year it is and that we are both adults? Nobody else seems to have a problem with us dating and you yourself gave us the green light back at the start of the year." My avenging angel is so fiery! I do love it so when she raises her voice and the stamp, oh my goodness! It made me ejaculate on the spot.

Carlisle must have heard my zipper straining and my poorly stifled groan, because the next thing I know he was feeding dollar bills into a vending machine, procuring a bottle of Dasani purified water, which he then blessed to sanctify it, and threw it at my still-erect penis shouting "The power of Christ compels you!". It bounced away quite impressively, rolling into oncoming traffic and exploding in an arc of holy water as it was run over by a passing Prius.

Bella's fury ignited the flame of my desire most prominently and I found myself having to hold my jacket over my nether regions, once again, to disguise my ardor for the entire journey home. We drove home in a stony silence. Bella's tutting did nothing but further engorge my privates. She knows just how to push my buttons!

I must go. I have some pressing business with my rug I must attend to before I sneak out to Bella's house.

A/N: Reviewers get to listen to abstinence rap with Edward.

Thanks a million to my wonderful betas itsthatkindofanight and wh1teow1, please show some love and read Moirai, a reimagining of Twilight for the new decade!