I received word that my order of books full of forbidden information were ready for collection, so I drove to Port Angeles to collect my order. Everything was going swimmingly. I parked the Volvo, donned my disguise and adopted a gait quite significantly different from my natural loping stroll to further conceal my identity. Then things started to go sideways. Fast. None other than Jessica Stanley was manning the cash register, but convinced of the efficacy of my disguise (a hat) I strode into The Book Barn and presented her with the manifest listing the 500 some volumes I had requested in triplicate. She immediately looked up and said "Hi Edward!" How did she know? This was very bad indeed.

I blustered, making up some cock and bull story about how I had been commanded by a local lord, Sir Cedward Mullen, to collect his order of books for him and deliver them to his castle. Jessica's thoughts were highly sceptical and I don't think I sufficiently pulled the wool over her eyes at all. Oh god. This is very, very bad.

After a torturous fifty three minutes of her ringing up and bagging the many hundreds of books for me, while I stood, whistling tunelessly in abject terror, I placed a large amount of cash in front of her to pay and scuttled back and forth to the Volvo repeatedly with my purchases like a shameful crab. Jessica had already texted twenty seven close and personal friends regarding the incident by the time I had finished loading the car.

I had to stop thrice on the way home and utilise one of the paper bags Alice stocked the glove compartment with, as I was hyperventilating. I hadn't even opened any of the books yet, but was already in full scuttle mode, like some kind of hyper-crab, well before I reached home.

Jasper was peering out of the window as I pulled up the driveway, looking most concerned and asked what I was up to that had me acting so squiggly and weird. I squeaked and told him in a strangled hiss that it was none of his beeswax. I had to use an awful lot of tape and blankets to wrap the books into a single, ginormous lump, which I then jumped up the side of the house with, and wrestled through the French doors into my room, thus avoiding the gauntlet of family members occupying the communal areas of the home. After that, things went smoothly and my floor is now lined with books and the ceiling below is only slightly sagging under their weight.

I need approximately 43 hours of reading time to get through the books and there is no time like the present, though I must admit that I am, once again, procrastinating in fear of the dark secrets that now lie beneath my floorboards. I tried to convince Esme that I feel poorly and shall not be attending school tomorrow, but she patted my hand and reminded me I was already dead and that, since the worst had already happened, she was sure I could make it through a few hours of classes. I sulked, but was out of ideas, so have packed my book bag to capacity to try and read as many titles as possible while Bella sleeps tonight and plan on hiding them inside my textbooks tomorrow, so as to be able to read relatively undisturbed. It shall be the first time I have learned anything in school since the roaring twenties!

A/N: Reviewers get to see Edward's cunning disguise.

Thank you to my wonderful readers and the two best betas I could ask for: itsthatkindofanight & and wh1teow1 please show some love and read Moirai, a reimagining of Twilight for the new decade!