Today was Valentine's Day. I was a little unsure as to how to wow Bella, so I asked my family for advice before I made my preparations.
I have spent some time of late learning to knit while Bella is sleeping. I managed to finish my gift- a nice sweater to keep Bella warm, in her favourite colour, brown and wrapped it carefully with a pink bow.
I told Bella to let me take care of the arrangements tonight as I wanted to surprise her. Well I did, I think. And I was also thoroughly surprised before the evening was through!
After school Bella went home to get changed for my planned date- I was going to whisk her away to Portland in the Vanquish for a meal in a five star restaurant. Esme's suggestion was to go to Seattle, but Bella had explicitly stated no five star restaurants in Seattle -and though I do adore it so when she shouts, I thought 'tonight isn't about me'- so opted for a five star restaurant in Portland instead. Then there was to be some late night shopping at some exclusive designer boutiques, which was Alice's suggestion, well, more like an insistence really, followed by romantic line dancing- thank you Jasper- and rounding up the evening with a steamy smooches and, if things went ever so badly a last resort of baptism and prayers (Emmett and Carlisle respectively). Rosalie suggested that generosity was the most romantic quality and so on that note I should lend her the Vanquish. She has been less vitriolic of late so I said she was allowed to sit in it in the garage for twenty minutes at any time of her choosing under my watchful eye. In the passenger seat, of course. This proved to be a catastrophic error.
When I made my way to the garage, wrestling my woollen behemoth with me, I noticed Emmett standing rather too close for my comfort to my cars. He had sandwiched himself between the Vanquish and the Volvo. Emmett appeared to have adorned himself with tools, presumably as a treat for Rosalie who does so love a good socket wrench.
I asked him to move aside, which he did, but my entire Vanquish and Volvo moved along with him. I hissed. Something was afoot and I was already cutting things fine time wise as tying a ribbon to be aesthetically pleasing had proven quite the challenge, let me tell you!
"Emmett, get out of the way please, I need to put my present in the back seat."
"Uum suhhi Ewahh Umm suchh!"
"What do you mean you're stuck? And take that hammer out of your mouth, it's not sanitary."
At this point Rosalie appeared and started sauntering around the free side of the vanquish.
"Babe, what are you doing?"
"Huhee bahenhinez hay hayhe!" Emmett seemed to be making jazz hands at this proclamation. What the devil was he up to? I certainly did not have time for his tomfoolery.
"Emmett! Move ASIDE!" I was nearing a shriek by this point, gripped by rising panic that I would be late and my plans would all be ruined, though I suspect the large woollen bundle in my arms somewhat dampened the shrillness that was creeping into my tone.
"Can I have my twenty minutes now please Edward? You did say any time."
"What? Yes, whatever, fine! I'll use the Volvo. Just for gods sake take Emmett with you!"
Rosalie gave him a saucy wink and beckoned him Vanquishwards. Both cars shifted and skittered across the garage floor. The Volvo appeared to be attached to Emmett's groin and the Vanquish to his derrière.
"Emmett! HAVE YOU DEFLOWERED MY FUEL CAP?! YOU FILTHY CHEESE FACED WRETCH!" I was showering venom across the garage and both vehicles were going to need a thorough waxing now to buff out the venom splotches. Curses!
"Iss muh bahenhinez hay suhhise."
"Yes, well, colour me surprised. NOW GET OUT OF THE WAY!"
"Uhh cahn uhh suchh."
"What do you mean you're stuck?"
"Iss dah mahnehss."
"Magnets? What magnets?" Dread washed suddenly over my entire being and I was locked in its deathly cold grip.
"Uhh ehh sebe hunhe horhee neuhhiniuh mahness. Fuh ruhs."
"Awwww. Babe! That's nice, thank you. Why?"
"Hu meh yuh bruh fhi uhh."
"YOU ATE SEVEN HUNDEED FOURTEEN NEODYMIUM MAGNETS TO MAKE ROSALIE'S BRA FLY OFF?!"
"Yuhh."
"And now you're covered in a big ball of tools and stuck to MY VANQUISH AND MY VOLVO."
There was a resonant ping and Rosalie's brassiere did indeed sail across the garage and attach itself to the Emmett-tool-car-lump. She giggled flirtatiously and I could tell I didn't want to witness any part of what came next.
I grabbed my phone to text Bella as I realised I was almost certainly going to be late, but Emmett's magnets had rendered it completely unresponsive.
I launched upon Emmett trying to pry him from the side of the Volvo but the best I could manage was to wrench him a little along the body leaving some very ugly dents in the rear panels. Both cars were swinging about wildly, attached firmly to his groin and his meaty rear end. I yelled at him to stay still for fear he might cause further damage.
Alice was out with Jasper in her Porsche and Esme had taken her van to meet Carlisle from work, where he had driven in his Mercedes. I KNEW I should have bought another car!
"Emmett, where are the keys to your Jeep?"
"Un muh bokee."
"Hmmm I can't even see your pockets right now. Oh god! Rosalie, I need to borrow your BMW! NOW! CHOP CHOP!"
"It's mid oil change."
"What?! But I NEED IT. NOW ROSALIE!"
The only response I got was more giggling and a "Wheeeeee!" As Emmett swung her around in the Vanquish as if he was some kind of carnival attraction.
I peeled as many tools as I could from Emmett's hulking mass, but as quickly as I pulled them off they reattached themselves. I was in quite the pickle!
"But….but….but….what about Bella? My poor beloved is waiting for me!" I was disconsolate as the gravity of the situation set in.
I ran inside and used the house phone to contact Bella, having to navigate a terrifying greeting with her father. I hung up the first seven times but eventually managed to persevere, although I was hyperventilating into a paper bag by the time he handed the phone over. Bella must have recognised the now ubiquitous sound of the paper crinkling.
"Edward, what's wrong? Are you panicking?"
I let out a little squeak in response.
"What's up?"
"Emmett…magnets…..everything's ruined!" I whimpered through the paper bag into the receiver.
"Do you need me to drive over?"
"Um…..um…"
"I'll be over in fifteen minutes ok? Just try to stay calm. Everything's going to be ok. I promise."
Her truck would never make it to Portland though and even if it could we wouldn't make it there in under six hours. I had planned for us to arrive in two and a half.
I lay down next to the telephone and curled up into a little ball. My hopes of a romantic evening dashed, my cars mangled and defiled, my beloved at a location unknown in the world's most dangerous and foul smelling vehicle…
Some seventeen minutes later I felt a small warm hand on my shoulder and looked up to see the angelic countenance of my glorious Bella.
"Oh sweetie. What's wrong? Do you need a cuddle?"
I nodded and continued panting into the paper bag as Bella curled herself around me on the hallway floor. Warm, soft kisses against the nape of my neck eventually calmed me enough that I could speak to her through the now sodden remnants of my trusty paper bag.
"I had such plans! Such plans!"
"Ssssssh it's ok Edward. I just want to spend the evening with you. Why don't we go upstairs? Do you want to open your present?"
"Um…..maybe later. I'm too sad now."
"It's soft…"
"Soft?"
"Mmhmmm."
"I like soft things."
"I know you do. That's why I chose it for you."
"My Bella!"
We ended up having a rather feisty make out session on the hallway floor, Bella insisted I put down the paper bag when I tried to kiss her through it. I eventually relented, but I kept it in my hand just in case, because you never know.
Loud giggles and clanks were emanating from the garage and I shuddered. Bella looked quite bemused but I assured her she should not want to go in there. Rosalie seemed to be undertaking some kind of tool striptease of Emmett which she was thoroughly enjoying.
Bella suggested we go in the blanket fort which seemed like the softest and safest option. Once we were inside and I had furnished her with snacks and soda (it makes her sound extra bubbly!), she put on my calming CD and produced a misshapen lump wrapped in a great deal of tape and a small quantity of red paper from her backpack, pronouncing "Happy Valentine's Day Edward!"
I examined it carefully and then hissed a bit when the tape got stuck to my fingers. Eventually I managed to unwrap her perfect gifts for me: a book about building log cabins and a wonderfully soft hooded sweatshirt. I gave her some very big kisses to thank her and she squealed and moaned a bit!
I scuttled downstairs and shielded my eyes while I groped around to retrieve Bella's gift from the garage. If only I could shield my thoughts! I was ashen faced upon my return and gave a solemn nod when Bella asked if they were still at it.
Bella seemed delighted though a little confused by her sweater. I think it was because it only had one arm. I explained that while it was not by design, she had to admit the other one would be extra warm this way. She put it over her outfit and gave me a little fashion show and I got an enthusiastic one armed hug as a thank you. Bella says her 'special sweater' is 'for best' and 'too good for school'! A resounding success!
We spent the evening feverishly smooching in the blanket fort. I told her my plans for the evening and she said that it was very thoughtful of me, but she was having an even better night just spending time in the blanket fort.
Bella looked positively radiant under the warm, diffused glow of the twinkle lights. I traced my fingers up and down her free forearm and raised goosebumps there.
"Sorry, I'm cold." I said and halted my movements.
"I'm not cold Edward." Bella said pointedly as she met my gaze "And I don't want you to stop either."
"You don't?"
"No" she whispered and leaned to mimic my action, trailing the tips of her fingers along my forearm, and running the backs of her smooth fingernails along the sensitive skin there. "Do you get goosebumps Edward?" She asked, gazing down at her fingers tracing invisible lines across my skin.
"I don't think so. I never have."
"Do you think you could?"
"If anyone could give me goosebumps it would be you, Bella."
She smiled softly "That sounds like a nice challenge."
I let her lift my arm, far too heavy for her to move of her own volition, and she held it in her hands so gently, turning my palm this way and that, pondering something. Then she very slowly began to kiss my palm, my fingertips, the inside of my wrist and down to the crook of my elbow, trailing back down, dragging her plump bottom lip and sending waves of electric shocks through me as she nuzzled her nose back down to my palm.
Awed by the sensation I whispered her name and she smiled and began again, kissing this time. I did not know my skin held such capacity for sensitivity, it made me wonder what more she could teach me about myself and question how she felt when I touched her.
The third time she traveled down my forearm her hair trailed in the wake of her mouth, incredibly soft and almost tickling. She started again, this time holding my gaze for a delicious moment that stirred a fierce desire deep within me. This time she parted her lips slightly, dragging her bottom lip again and ever so lightly running her bottom teeth against my skin, upon reaching my palm she formed her mouth into a soft o and blew across the light trail left my her mouth. I gasped quietly and she bit her bottom lip then glanced at my arm.
"So you can get goosebumps" she smiled triumphantly.
"I didn't know. It's the first time." I breathed shakily, scared to break the spell I was under or disrupt the intense intimacy of the moment.
She shifted so she was kneeling and leant in. I thought she would grant me the kiss I so deeply longed for, but instead she placed her mouth beside my ear.
"Edward" she whispered, eliciting a full body shiver from me. She was right. This had nothing to do with the cold. I trailed my fingers up and down her arms again and she gently nuzzled my ear, kissing slowly down its form and blowing softly once she reached its end. I tuned to kiss her neck, finding her thrumming pulse there fascinating, but somehow, miraculously, not wishing to drink.
She trailed kisses over my neck and up my ear again and then caught my earlobe between her teeth, sucking on it gently and swirling the tip of her hot tongue over it.
I gasped and shivered again. She gently turned my face toward hers and kissed me softly on the lips, wrapping her arms around my neck. I was surely in a heaven I did not deserve. Our lips parted and I immediately sought her out again, greedily planting kiss after languid kiss against her willing mouth and winding my fingers through her hair. She lent into me and stroked my hair with one hand, wrapping the other firmly around my back, pulling me closer until our bodies met.
She looked at me through her lashes, biting her lip and watching my reaction as she furrowed her hand beneath my shirt and scraped her nails against the bare skin of my back. I stifled a groan in the pillow as she moved against me again and began kissing my neck, licking and sucking, pulling at the skin there with her mouth, then blowing slowly raising goosebumps again.
"Bella..."
"Mmmm?"
"If I lose control... I could harm you... you can't...we can't."
She paused, nuzzling my neck a little. "Mmmm, but are you enjoying it?"
I snorted. "Did you hear what I said before? I could hurt you. Bella... unhhh"
She ran her nails down my back again and I shivered reflexively, fighting to keep my jaw locked closed. And of course I didn't want her to stop, but I was pitted in a losing battle against my desire to ravage her, which would mean certain death.
"Do you want me to stop?" she whispered
"No" I panted, and her hand travelled further up my spine. As she raked her nails against me she scraped her teeth against my neck, causing me to writhe and groan again.
"Ugh…..Yes." I forced out, battling against myself.
I eyed her cautiously, fearing what could happen if she continued and I bit her. "I shouldn't. We shouldn't. Bella, it's not safe. I..."
Finally she slackened and pulled back. I instantly regretted it.
"I'm sorry" we both said at the same time.
She loosened her grip on me and we lay there, both panting and trembling.
"Oh fuck Edward, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I'm really sorry. It wasn't fair at all. Shit."
"Shhhh, it's ok. It felt incredible. Just...too good. You know?" I didn't know what to say. I didn't want her to feel bad. I definitely had not expected Bella to be so passionate, or for us to end up in this situation tonight at all. I still am unused to being touched, much less to having Bella's electric fingers show me all these new ways my body could react. We were both constantly being bombarded with new sensations and new information about each other. I should never have let myself get into such a dangerous and compromising position though. The fault was entirely mine.
"I don't want to be so…. I think I'm confused."
She nodded. "I'm sorry. I... you kind of drive me crazy. But I'm sorry, really I am. I promise I'll behave myself."
She buried her face in her hands and flopped onto her back sinking into the blankets and groaning in in a whisper "You must think I'm...fuck I don't even know. I dread to think."
"I'm sorry." Bella whispered again.
I shushed her and kissed her forehead. She snuggled against my chest and threw an arm across my stomach. It must have been very uncomfortable, but she seemed determined to stay in contact with me and merely holding her hand was not going to satisfy her. I tucked the blankets around her and continued stroking her back.
"Are you ok Bella?"
She sighed and took a moment before speaking. "I feel stupid."
"Why?"
"You've always been really clear, even before I found out, you were always really clear that you were dangerous. But I always feel safer with you than with anyone. And I let that fact overrule how you feel and what you wanted and I pushed you. I pushed you in the darkroom and I pushed you again just now. I know I shouldn't keep trying to make you do things you don't want to. It's really unfair of me."
"Bella, I want to. I've wanted to do every single thing we've done. And many more if I'm honest. You know I seriously struggle to talk about any of this, to even admit it to myself. You saw my life drawings and know I hide in here under my sweaters when we text about these things. And you know I'm trying with the books and everything, but, well... I'm still a coward and I feel like the worst kind of cad for taking advantage of you this evening. But you seem to want to know if I want to. So yes, I do. More than I can put into words. So much I feel ashamed of it. I just want to protect you much, much more."
I stroked her back and she buried her face in my chest. I thought I should go on as I hadn't eased her worries enough for her to look at me again.
"I find it hard to believe you find me attractive, or anything even close to it. And nobody's touched my back, ever that I remember, not under clothes. It's overwhelming. It feels like I'm on fire when you touch me and it feels better than I ever imagined it possible to feel. It's addictive. I want it so much that I'm terrified I'll lose control and hurt you. I'm trying really hard, but you cause me to feel things I've never felt before and they are really powerful. You are really powerful.
I think I feel every bit of the urgency you do, more probably, as I am driven by the darkest forces possible. But I have to protect you. Your safety matters more than anything but I also want to protect you from my moral weaknesses. I want to be a better man for you."
She had lain very still as she listened and I could not see her face as she was curled against my chest, so all I could do was hope I had said the right thing. I'd been honest at least.
I waited some torturous seconds while she mulled over what I'd said. "You really want to?"
"So much."
"And it felt nice?"
"Indescribably good. All of it. I never knew."
She snuggled in more. "I really want to make you feel good Edward."
"You do. Always. I mean today especially, but always."
"Yeah?"
"Yes. And I want to make you feel good too. I want to make you feel happy and safe, and give you all the good things in life, all the joy I possibly can. Even the kind of joy…." I faltered.
"What kind?" She breathed, finally meeting my gaze. Her pupils were dilated and her lips were almost touching mine. She was so irresistible.
I had to close my eyes but I managed to whisper, "The kind in those books I bought."
"Oh!" She blushed then pounced upon me and set to kissing me very assiduously. When she paused to catch her breath, her eyes were glistening. Had she been crying? I ran my fingers across her face and kissed her cheeks. She had.
"Don't ever let me make you cry again." I pleaded.
"I only cried because you said such nice things."
"Nice?! Wanting to... ravage you is nice?"
"Being wanted is nice." She corrected.
"Well then I shall make a point of making sure you know how wanted you are then."
"With kisses?" She wasn't very subtle. I kissed her gently on the mouth and she sighed into me dreamily. "And more?"
I nodded cautiously and smiled "As much as I can give you and keep you safe. You're everything to me, Bella."
She set to exploring me with her hands again, but was gentler this time, more cautious, following my lead and allowing me to keep myself more comfortably under control than before. I kissed her more passionately than before, but kept our pace slow, so that neither one of us became overwhelmed. It was such sweet agony. She drives me wild.
We had an entire hour and ten minutes of pure paradise before were roused from our little love bubble by Carlisle and Esme's thoughts approaching. Carlisle had finally buckled to Esme's sex strike and all hell was about to break loose as they furiously reconciled. This could continue for weeks.
"Oh thank goodness!"
"What?"
"Bella we need to go. Right now!"
"What? Ok, let me just…."
"There's no time, let's go through the window, I'll carry you."
"Ohhhh, I like the sound of that. Is everything alright though?"
"Better than ever. Let's go." I grinned and scooped her up into my arms then leapt through my bedroom window, swinging it closed after me. She let out the most delightful little squeal as I jumped down, softly landing next to her truck.
We beat a slow, smelly getaway in her death trap, narrowly avoiding Carlisle and Esme who were racing up the driveway. At her house, we played our usual ruse of Bella going in and opening her window, then spending a torturous twenty minutes with Charlie before showering and settling in for many more hours of snuggling and whispered sweet nothings through the night.
It was far from the evening I had planned and very much less chaste than Carlisle would have approved of, but I find my troubles melt away with Bella in my arms and somehow any moment is perfect anyway. I had no idea it was possible to feel so happy.
A/N: Reviewers get to give Edward goosebumps.
Thank you so so much to my incredible beta itsthatkindofanight for brainstorming this chapter with me when I was stuck. You're the best! Xoxoxo
Thanks also to wh1teow1, please show some love and read Moirai, a reimagining of Twilight for the new decade!