Bella had told Chief Charlie that she was staying with Alice last night and after a phone conversation with Esme he felt satisfied that she was 'supervising to make sure that Edwin isn't sniffing around late at night'. How did he know of my plans?! Does he share my gift? This is cause for serious concern. Nevertheless, Edwin hasn't been up to any such thing, seeing as we know nobody by that name. I, however, thoroughly sniffed all around Bella throughout the night as she slept curled up next to me in my bed for just a brief couple of hours. She smells delicious! I also discovered the joys of being able to stretch out across my luxurious king sized mattress while she slumbered. I woke her shortly before midnight and she ambled down to Esme's van and was out like a light again before I was even out of the driveway.
Emmett followed us in the Jeep and we made very good time speeding along the empty highway. We hit Seattle by 2AM with hopes of dumpster diving under cover of darkness and then securing some bargains at the junk sales. Bella had assured us that the early bird gets the worm, and despite our mutual dislike of worms, once she explained the saying, I had to agree that swooping in as sellers were setting up would allow us to snatch the best items from the large junk sale we attended. This plan worked out very well in the end, of course it naturally did, because Bella is ever so clever as well as being beautiful and an excellent hugger. Not to mention having the world's softest boobies. She is simply perfect in every way!
Emmett, for once, had followed my instructions when I had told him to dress like a ninja for dumpster diving at night. He really did quite well, though the katana was entirely unnecessary. I don't think Alice knows he took one of her Hermes scarves to wrap around his face. She probably won't be pleased about that. He was having a whale of a time though and had even dusted off his old 80s walkie talkies so that Bella could keep a lookout for security guards and act as getaway driver. I assured him everything was perfectly legal, but he told me to stop spoiling his fun and Bella agreed. I felt quite ganged up upon, I must say! Bella told me off via walkie talkie when I kicked a shrub in the parking lot.
As we were in Seattle long before the stores opened, we went to a large mall and jumped on the roof to see which dumpsters looked unlocked and promising. Although he refused to look at my PowerPoint presentation and spreadsheet beforehand, Emmett knew what we needed, having built a cabin before. He was easily distracted by superhero toys and some kind of pokey man cards he found, but was having fun. Bella wanted to join us at first, but it was quite chilly, so she soon retreated to the van and snuggled under a blanket with the walkie talkie and a Thermos of hot chocolate. Bella wanted us to use video chat so that she could see in the dumpsters, but it was too dark, so the walkie talkies ended up being a better option and they certainly kept Emmett happy. He was an absolute menace with the four grabbers I had bought from the Amazon, referring to a Doctor Octopus who I don't believe has ever been to medical school. However, if steered correctly, Emmett proved he could make fast work of retrieving things we wanted I suppose.
Emmett was helpful overall, though we did nearly get caught by a security guard because he was laughing so hard at the Tyvek coveralls and elbow length gloves I had bought from The Amazon in preparation, I only wish they had been delivered before yesterday, they are far superior to Thriftway garbage bags. The security guard saw me, a flash of white, jumping up to the roof. He thought I was a ghost though and quickly returned to his office for a cup of warm milk, neglecting his duties for the rest of his shift.
We got a good haul at the mall. Emmett found a wooden treasure chest style box with a broken hinge he was most enamoured with and immediately put his pokey cards inside. I found a string of outdoor lights with a missing plug, but that will be very easy to remedy. I also got a kitchen garbage can with a dent I can pop out, a candle for Bella (because I am romantic), some flat pieces of coloured and patterned glass Bella wants for a secret project with Esme, some kind of awning canvas, two and a half rolls of trash bags, some blue ceramic coasters that remind me of Bella's blouse and more than enough guttering for the whole build, which is used but will work just fine.
We headed to two home centres and found grout, half a bag of screws, a gallon can of marine varnish with a large dents, a circular saw without its battery and a wrench I planned to sell, three door hinges and some junction boxes at the first. At the second there were a lot of broken kitchen cabinets which I took the hinges and latches from and a light which should do for the bathroom. I also found a length of chain, which I needed for a porch swing, not a sex swing like Emmett insisted. What even is that? I do not wish to copulate with playground equipment. Just Bella.
Before long the van was full of grubby, foul loot and we were on our way to be the earliest birds at the large swap meet junk sale, held in a suburban sports ground. I was surprised by how busy it was at the swap meet, but I could quickly see each stall by scanning through the vendors' minds one by one as we were parking. Emmett made me take off my Tyvek suit telling me everyone would overcharge me if I looked like such a rube. I put miniature bottles of hand sanitizer spray in my front and back pockets of my pants and in my jacket and shirt pocket as well. It doesn't evaporate on my hands like it's supposed to and I strongly dislike the sliminess and hiss at it a lot, but still, I got the strawberry scent so it reminds me of sniffing Bella's hair, and it cleans my hands, then I can shake it off after. If Bella holds my hand it will evaporate though, so I have taken to reminding her that it is very important to hold my hand for sanitary reasons. She said "Anything that stops you wiggling about so much!"
Emmett was delighted at the prospect of being involved and also at 'treasure hunting like a pirate'. He watched Pirates of The Caribbean last week. He sang the theme tune throughout the day, sometimes in person, sometimes via walkie talkie, sometimes both. It was enough the first time. His impression of Johnny Depp, whilst not a patch on his Cher, is significantly better than his impression of me. Bella seemed to like it as well, her giggle is sepharic!
At the swap meet I found someone with partially used, or dented cans of paint and varnishes, the vendor's thoughts confirmed they too were salvaged from dumpsters. The stall had almost entirely diy supplies, so I carefully looked through the jumble of items, whilst instructing Bella to stand back and hissing at the other customers to assert dominance. I got some silicone caulk, several copper elbow pipe fittings for the water heater I want to make, a rusty bale of wire and some steel wool for cleaning the stove. The best find was a small box of bent and rusty screws, nails, door hinges and the like that was labelled 'melt for scrap'. I am confident I will be able to salvage almost all of the contents. The vendor wanted $60, but I traded the circular saw I had salvaged from the mall dumpster, which was brand new and worth around $150 according to Jeeves. In the end I got everything for $10 with a couple more rusty door hinges thrown in as well. The saw could be immediately turned for a quick profit so, despite his excellent poker face, the seller's thoughts showed his eagerness to trade for it once I'd collected it from the car and shown it to him. It meant I could get what we needed, so Bella said it was worthwhile, even if I might have sold it for more elsewhere. I was rewarded with a most excellent hug from her!
Emmett had disappeared and there was radio silence on the walkie talkies when we tried to locate him. Eventually I lifted Bella onto my shoulders which was a surprisingly warm and erotic experience! All too quickly, she found Emmett across the market, juggling three basketballs and making some of the vendors' kids laugh. Emmett is alway so wonderful with children. I would have no idea how to talk to them, but he always gets a kick out of making them giggle. I bought Emmett some kind of gooey, stretchy hand toy in what proved to be a fatal error of judgement. He spent the next few hours slapping my face with it from a distance until it got fluffy in his pocket and wouldn't stick any more. Bella was no help at all in stopping him from slapping me with the sticky hand and seemed to be rather encouraging him. She told him if he washed it he could resurrect its sticking powers and Emmett listened attentively, plotting to target Rosalie's nipples at the earliest opportunity. I shall have to make sure I am safely out of the house for that catastrophe. At least Rosalie shall put a definitive end to his gooey japes.
We left the swap meet not long after eight in the morning, and split up, criss crossing Seattle to pick up the free items from Craigslist: flooring insulation, which was filthy and stank, a screen door, which was just dusty, some construction adhesives and sealants, which also stank, PVC and pex piping, two filthy windows, a mercifully clean shower door kit to fix atop the side of the bathtub and an old water heater I could clean and reuse to keep the stove heated water hot, without the need for gas or power.
Emmett and Bella were nattering away on the walkie talkies as we drove for the Canadian border, nabbing free things from Craigslist Vancouver and having a grand old time. We couldn't get hold of everyone offering items we wanted and some could not arrange pick up so soon, but we managed to secure enough to make the trip worthwhile.
By noon we were making more filthy, filthy pick ups in Vancouver: lampshades, a bag of fifteen switch plates, three quarts of white paint, assorted floor, wall and wall tiles, some pieces of granite I have no idea how to use, and three huge boxes of nails. Emmett called about two large broken stone counter tops which I could cut down or perhaps mend, managing to secure pick up, and I found a bread machine for Bella that was used but I thought she might enjoy.
Once my hissing at the grime became so bad as to render all attempts at speech incomprehensible, Bella insisted we stop for a wash up and snack break. She is so clever, this was an excellent idea. I let her use the bathroom at the Starbucks first and then thoroughly emptied their soap dispenser and hot water tank, cleaning my hands at lightning speed for twenty five minutes while Emmett shuffled things into a space saving configuration between the van, Jeep and trailer, before keeping Bella company.
Sadly my somewhat cleaner hands were quickly soiled, as upon emerging from the bathroom and hissing my way past the lengthy queue waiting to use the facilities, I was told Bella had secured a piece of ducting I could use for the chimney and Emmett had bagged some really good quality 1970s speakers. He was explaining to Bella that although they are large and out of style now, they have sound quality vastly superior to most modern ones. Bella and Emmett seemed to be getting along famously, which I suppose is an added bonus of our day scavenging together.
We started to head back just before three, driving far slower than usual, as the van was very heavily loaded and I did not want to damage the engine. Plus Bella was awake and while she did still use her bossy voice twice, I did not want to over tire her by causing her to get angry after such a long day, just for my own erotic satisfaction. This left a furious battle with temptation raging in my head the entire way home.
Even driving slowly in Esme's van was still far preferable to Bella's truck. For one thing the smell was far better! I simply must find a way to get rid of that truck. But how?! And why is she so damnably attached to it? It. Is. Awful.
We stopped off in Port Ludlow at five thirty to get a gift of some used cookbooks and the breadmaker for Bella, then made our final collections in Sequim of a water barrel for rain collection and a stove pipe, as the one from Emmett's cabin had entirely disintegrated.
Emmett had been a great help and I thanked him via walkie talkie as Bella slept on the way home. He said next time we go hunting he's going to get Bella a present. I was immediately alarmed that he would try and bring her a pet mountain lion or something ridiculous and dangerous, so shall have to put a stop to that. I tried to read his mind, but alas, he was already lost in a fantasy about pirates and sunken treasure, starring Rosalie as a wretchedly topless mermaid, with some kind of sticky hand toy nipple covers, which forced me to focus on the road and nothing more. I shall be watching him closely and freeing any wildlife he tries to bring home with him.
Bella dashed inside to use the powder room as soon as we got back. Emmett and I had unloaded everything and covered it with tarpaulins by the time she returned. Bella gave Emmett a big thank you hug, I was a little jealous and may have hissed. All in all it was a very lucky day indeed.
Inside, Bella regaled Esme with our adventures and I cleaned the books and bread machine I had picked up for her. I showered for several hours to get rid of the day's grime, Emmett ordered Bella some dinner from the triangle delivery store and they watched some movies while they waited for me.
I feel most satisfied with the progress today! I want to start building next weekend if Bella agrees. I know she wants to be there, but it depends on the weather. It is supposed to be sunny. She has not seen me in the sunlight yet. I am fucking terrified but should let her know what kind of vile monster she's really dealing with, it is unfair to do otherwise. Needless to say, I shall probably chicken out like I have every time before. I am not ready to lose her. I will never be.
A/N: Reviewers get to wind Edward up with a gooey hand toy. He is so adorable when he gets all huffy.
I am so sorry for the long delay, I'm really struggling with depression right now, so it's hard to write comedy. If you've never commented before I ask that you do so now, because your comments really keep me going and I need it these days. Thank you so much for all of your love and support.
Thank you to my incredible beta itsthatkindofanight. You're the best! Xoxoxo