I have been detained conducting some vital research of late.

Methodology, Bossy Bella rating (out of 10), Notes:

Whistling, 6/10, The more I do this, the bossier she gets! There is NO downside to this strategy at all. NONE.

Foot tapping, 4/10, Not as effective as whistling, but good for the cinema and class time.

Telling Bella she is cute when she is angry, 8/10, This is true AND effective!

Resting my elbow on top of Bella's head to emphasise her diminutive stature, 7/10,I get to show Bella affection through my elbow AND get a stern telling off. I CAN'T LOSE!

Saying 'wouldn't you like to know' in response to her questions, 3/10, Bella seems too respectful of my boundaries to get mad about this answer, but I feel that with a little more gusto and sass I might be able to get her to shout at me eventually.

Telling Bella the end to the book she's just started, [nuclear], In hindsight this was a GRAVE ERROR. I am lucky to have survived at all.

Refusing all parking spots because they just don't feel right, 9/10, This one is very good indeed! I can put it into practice very often and Bella cannot escape because we are in the car. It is especially good when she says 'we are in a hurry' and I do this one. Indecisiveness before refusing a spot last time elicited a 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD' squealed from Bella and an incredibly alluring grumble.

Pen clicking, 6/10, Excellent for school. I shall click her into irritation with morse code messages such as -... . / -... - ... ... -.- / .- .. - ... / - . ('be bossy with me') and -.-. ... .- .-. - / - . / .- .. - ... / -.- - ..- .-. / -... - ... ... .. -. . ... ... .-.-.- / .-. .-.. . .- ... . .-.-.- ('Charm me with your bossiness. Please.') and so forth. This will be good during tests and when they force us to do those dastardly independent exercises in biology. Huzzah!

Reading over her shoulder, 6/10, She did not like this one. Especially when I kept turning the page before she had finished. I got a deliciously stern 'WILL YOU STOP IT?!', meaning I shall be adding this to my permanent repertoire forthwith.

Wet willies, 3/10, Nicely effective, but short-lived. Elicited the loudest angry shriek so far! However, I am concerned about the chill of my venom fingers giving Bella an ear infection, so for health and safety reasons I shall, with great regret, be retiring the wet willy.

Cold hands on the tum, 1/10, Bella seemed a little surprised and then almost eager for more. This one is entirely ineffective.

Sneaking food into her grocery cart, 3/10, More confusing than annoying. Charlie now has 18 papayas in his refrigerator.

Nose bops during serious conversation, 8/10, I do love a good nose bop. Giving or receiving, I'm not fussy! Bella was trying to discuss an issue she was having with the counterargument in her English essay and I managed to sneak in 18 separate bops! A new high score! She threw the essay down on her desk, stood up and said 'EDWARD!' as she stamped her little foot! Absolutely ravishing! I bopped her once again by way of thanks.

Paper aeroplanes, 4/10, This is no good at all in the car.

Backseat driver while she is cooking, 8/10, Giving Bella instructions on how to cook definitely gets her worked up and ready to shout quite quickly! Will try again soon!

Flicking the lights on and off, 3/10, Annoying, but likely to attract Charlie's attention.

Peashooter paper balls, 7/10, Childish AND disgusting, my excellent aim ensured Bella was stamping her foot within just minutes! Most effective!

Answer every question with a question, 6/10, This seems quite effective, although not as good as the nose bops

Building a nest in her closet, rebuilding diligently each time she deconstructs it, I SHALL NEVER GIVE UP!, 7/10, The long game- this one is a war of attrition that I hope shall pay dividends with a lovely fiery explosion of bossiness.

In summation:

Bella is being stricter and bossier than ever. I am one happy (and aroused!) vampire.

Commenters get nose bops from Edward during serious conversations.

A/N: I am so sorry for disappearing and the incredibly lengthy delay between updates. To everyone who has read and commented in the meantime, thank you, thank you, thank you. I appreciate you all so much and your comments brought me joy on dark days. I'm starting this up again because I have a friend who really needs reasons to smile and a good distraction right now- I love you Nxxxxxx. As for me, I'm doing better in some ways and not so much in others, but either way I'm going to try and get this going again.