After a productive few hours unpacking Bella's suitcase, burrowing, re-burrowing, turning out the pockets of Bella's entire Arizona wardrobe (she shall thank me for that 13 cents later, no doubt!), I received my long awaited for SMS from Bella detailing her dinner plans. I scuttled at top speed to the seafront wearing my finest disguise.

As permitted, I commenced lurking as soon the sun dipped below the horizon. Perhaps this was folly, but in my defence my foolproof plan was foiled by entirely unprecedented events.

On locating the ocean view restaurant which Renee and Phil often frequented I took steps to secure a good spot to observe in secret. My disguise giving me the confidence that I was in stealth mode, totally undetectable in my lurking, I paid the server a hefty sum to shoo those those pesky customers occupying the table beside Bella, Phil and Renee. Children's birthday party and tears be damned, I had business to attend to!

Settling in directly opposite Bella to get the best view of her radiant visage, she cast me a glance in askance. She had suspicions it might be me! Clever, clever Bella!

I eavesdropping with abandon on their conversation about Bella's journey, school life, and shared their plans for the next few days. There will be shopping, sunbathing and a trip antiquing. I hissed a great deal upon Renee's talk of a trip to the zoo, earning some startled glances from Bella'smother and stepfather, as well as many of the wait staff. I shall definitely thwart this propsed venture, there is no way on God's green earth Bella is going within 5 miles of a tiger. Not on my watch buddy!

Bella texted me surreptitiously 'STOP HISSING, YOU'RE MAKING A SCENE! AND FOR GOD'S SAKE ORDER AOMETHING, YOUVE BEEN SITTING STARING AT US FOR 45M NOW AT AN EMPTY TABLE!" I shot her a crooked grin, adding a flirty wink for a little extra flair.

She seemed to have forgotten that I was entirely undetectable, given that I was wearing a hat.

When their main courses arrived things took a sharp turn and everything sadly began to unravel. It had all been going so well up until that point too...Phil had ordered some kind of wriggly thing and the waiter ground some spicy gravel over it at Phil's request. The sea breeze turned in my direction and I got a faceful of hot black dust. The fates were against me and just as I inhaled deeply to redouble my hissing, I swallowed a mouthful of spicy, gritty air, I choked out a spare of venom and then the real trouble began.

I was not previously aware that vampires could get the hiccups, but it is a loud, sqeaky and altogether humiliating affair. The restaurant terrace soon cleared out and Bella's party decided to get their meal to go and return home.

I scuttled the whole way back, each hiccup propelling me five feet into the air and causing me to have to grab onto my hat (it is actually some kind of Easter bonnet of Renee's, but it was all I could find at short notice). The straw brim was very much worse for wear by the time I managed to scale the outside of the house and hiccup my way through the window into Bella's room, thumping loudly against the opposing wall, which cracked audibly as I came to a crumpled halt.

Bella and I have spent the hours since attempting hiccup cures. She frightened me, by suggesting I go fishing with her father, but this just made me shriek and hiccup with ever greater force. Now she has suggested I go for a hunt and drink backwards (?), drink through a straw with my fingers in my ears, and drink upside down to see if that will do the trick. So, straw in hand, I am hastening to the zoo as I write. Jacksonville will be a far safer city once I am done. I must away, I have a dinner date with a jaguar, two tigers, a pride of lions, six warthogs, several rhinos and a shifty looking guinea pig, I don't like the cut of his jib at ALL.

A/N:

Thank you to everyone still reading, and especially those reviewing. I am so very grateful to you all. I'm still without a computer, so please forgive any mistakes I've made while typing this on my phone

Commenters get to read the map, or menu, as Edward calls it, while roaming around Jacksonville zoo in the dead of night.

For N: I love you more than I can say, please rest, try to relax and give yourself a chance to heal. So many people want to help you, please let them share the load while you are fighting through this. XOXOXO