UPDATE: Hey, everyone. I know it's been more than 4 years since any real updates have been issued, and you're wondering about the future of this story. I have been working on the Final revisions at a suitable pace for my ADHD, and while that means I sometimes lose interest or even get bad cases of writer's block, I still want to see this story through. I just want to apologize for being silent about my absence. So here is some updated information:
Currently, as of 2023-24, I'm going to go at my own pace with this story. Meaning I will not rush the process of updating, I want the writing to be of good quality. I will write 'Final Version' in the bottom notes at the end of each chapter, letting you guys know it's completed. Meaning, I won't be messing around with it anymore. So please be patient with me.
Right now I will be going through Chapters 2-9 to update and revise the story to follow a new narrative/ plot, meaning new Dialogue and Characters. Chapter 10-36 has already been planned out since my last update, so I have been working hard regardless of writing. I'm excited to dust off years of inactivity and get back to work. Anyway, enough rambling and ranting, I hope those of you who have favorited and followed this story are still sticking around. And those who are newer, welcome, and please join me in my endeavors.
Thank you all,
FLASHSTEPX
A/N: Note that the characters are older, and the timeline exceeds the Grand Magic Games Era. Enjoy.
Tags: Mature Language, and themes.
Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail, the characters and original manga story all go to Hiro Mashima.
Chapter. 1 – Revaluation
Spring X797
"Oi, listen up you brats!" The concise tone of Makarov Dreyer, Guild Master of the notorious FairyTail spoke, raising his hand in the air for attention, " I have an interesting announcement to make, now settle down!"
Respectfully in response to hearing their Master's tone, the chatter amongst the Guild all but ceased. This included the rowdy Team Natsu. Lucy Heartfilia, a young but skilled Celestial mage lowered her novel she had been steadily reading, her eyebrow quirked. To her immediate right, Natsu; Fairytail's highly destructive Fire Dragonslayer had instantly turned away from his overly optimistic conversation with Happy to listen. Something which Lucy found surprising, considering how long she had known the man, this was probably the second time she had witnessed his attentiveness.
Across from the two best friends, upon the urgent silence that had suddenly blanketed the Guild, Erza; Fairies S-class Titiana paused in her strict and over-the-top lecture towards a certain Ice-Maker mage. Her eyes, while still bright with frustration turned onto their Master leaving Gray to sulk beside her. His stone-cold glare aimed tightly against the back of her head, yet he soon dropped it when he found it to be useless.
Standing idly atop the newly built stadium, Makarov smiled down at his children. Accompanying him was the platinum-white-haired Demon, Mirajane; her large sapphire eyes sparkled in the overhead lights. She stood just to the right of the Master. Her smile beamed bright, dainty hands folded patiently in front of her. Although secure in her hands was a brown stroll, something Lucy instantly zeroed in on. Makarov nodded, lowering his hand before clearing his throat to begin his announcement.
"Right. As of today, will begin the six-week trial regarding the newly issued Grand Fair. This event, like the Grand Magic Games, is quite new to Fiore," Makarov voiced, his tone tilted in concealed excitement as he scanned the vast area of his Guild. He wasn't disappointed in the number of highly anxious and perplexed expressions that stared back at him, " Created in X795, and just funded the following year, this festive has been mainly hosted in the Capital. However, this year the event will be hosted and honored by FairyTail here on this exact stage."
Once Makarov finished and everyone remained quiet, he nodded over to Mira, who smiled and stepped forward. She quickly unfurled the scroll she had been clutching, making the parchment paper crinkle as she read out loud.
"During the predetermined six weeks, Mages from all over Fiore have the privilege to come and compete, and all talent is acceptable to a cause. This year's rules will be marginally different from previous years, and must always be upheld regarding all participants. The First Rule: is to show sportsmanship and spirit as the hosting Guild. All FairyTail mages must participate, female and male. Second Rule: Magic does not substitute Talent and shall be exempted from the performances, if we see a violation of this rule, the contender will be forfeited immediately. Finally, the Third Rule: Pairings of fours are permitted, as well as solo acts. Any acts that exceed six or more must disband and reform into fours," Mirajane paused for dramatic effect, lowering the scroll to oversee what her words had caused.
In the corner of the Guild beside Shadow Gear, Gajeel scoffed at the challenge. However, not all were ecstatic about the rules, a variety of emotions rose from within the crowd of Mages. Some lost color in their faces, others quickly broke out into angry protests, while some just deflated against their seats in defeat. The Iron Slayer lazily folded his arms across his broad chest and chuckled in amusement, he soaked up the absolute chaos that had started to unravel before his eyes.
Meanwhile, with Team Natsu, emotions were mixed. Every detail of the event sent Natsu's head spinning, a knot of dread pooling inside his chest. He took a deep breath, exercising calmness as he pushed down his poorly concealed external reaction. The only giveaway was the sharp downturn of his mouth, fingers twisting at his pant leg in building nerves. His eyes skittered back over to the stage the minute Mira continued, his breathing hitched. Mirajane's face swept into a devilish grin, a cunning edge danced within her pretty eyes like what was to be said next, satisfied her as she finished the announcement.
"With most Capital Contests, there will always be an award. For the Grand Fair, the Main Prize for First Place will consist of $900,000 in jewels. That also has a bonus inclusion of a newly refurbished house in Ishgar; of course completely free of charge! There will also be a prize for Second Place, which totals up to about 100,000 jewels, and a new bicycle," Mira read off in an over-enthusiastic tone before winking cutely, " The registration paper will be placed up beside the stage in a few minutes, please write your full name and be mindful of the rules during these next six weeks! Good Luck to everyone!"
Lucy inhaled sharply, eyes wide in her sockets as her thoughts swarmed wildly with calculations on how many months of rent that would cover her if she won. Years worth of just sitting prettily and getting to spend some time on her novel. Her eyes turned to sparkles, excited little noises escaping her without much notice. Beside the stunned Celestial Mage, Natsu had grown pale. The calmness he had tried to exude was failing him, his heart was about ready to plummet to his stomach. Every rational thought that spoke comforting words, a demanded him to settle himself, grew fuzzy.
Natsu's skin felt buzzed with static electricity, his fingers now clawed at his pant leg as his throat swelled. His heartbeat pounded loud in his skull as he gasped in the air but all he pulled in was shallow wheezes. He bit his lip, desperate to keep quiet now that he was in full swing of a Panic Attack, he squeezed his eyes shut as his chest stuttered. God, it felt like someone had clamped down on his windpipe and was doing their best to throttle him, his lungs screamed and his throat hurt. For a brief moment, time slowed, his skull throbbed with a hundred disfigured voices, the fast-paced swooshing noise of different hearts, and the odd ticking of a clock.
He repeated a mantra to himself, a silent plea that things were okay. He wheezed, trying to work through some strategic methods to slow down his heart rate and get back on track with his breathing, however, the focus wasn't there and he kept spiraling. Icy claws sunk deeper into his chest, making him feel numb with paralyzing fear. The negativity of the emotion stirred his magic, causing a terrible strain to grip his Magic Core. Natsu fought it, he couldn't allow it to interfere but the dark twisted feeling only surged, swelling inside his Core until it snapped.
A breathless gasp escaped, wide-eyed and sweating he watched in trepidation as blackness spread from his fingertips to knuckles, an uncontrollable tremor wracked his nerves leaving his hands useless. He gathered them to his chest, hating that he had foregone his gloves this morning as dark crimson bloomed from the depths of his irises.
Meanwhile, the volume of the Guild had only continued to grow, effectively covering Natsu's panic-induced attack. Half of the Guild was divided between moving forward with the new information or viciously protesting it. The protestors were rioting the loudest, causing a stir at the bottom of the stage, where Master Makarov still resides. So it fell on the Fire mages' constant companion, Happy to eventually notice.
From his snug position within Lucy's arms, those dark eyes were trained on every inch of Natsu's figure. His fur puffed out upon noticing the slight tremors, a telltale sign of a panic attack and possible Flare-up. Sadness softened his gaze as he wiggled himself out of Lucy's lax hold, the Celestial mage barely reacting to his rough departure. Carefully, the Exceed slid himself in between the table and Natsu's chest, coming to settle on his lap. He looked up into those cloudy eyes, listening to the labored breathing and feeling the uncontrollable trembling that ran through his friend's forearms. Happy maneuvered himself up to be just under Natsu's chin, before gently bumping the crown of his head against his friend's upper jaw. It worked, jolting the Fire mage from his self-isolation as murky red eyes struggled to refocus on his surroundings again. Happy sighed, knowing that he could only work out a temporary fix, but looking into those eyes was a gateway to a known nightmare and he hated it just as much. Placing his paw up against Natsu's clenched hands, he bumped his head against Natsu's chin again to convey to his friends that he was there. He wasn't going to leave.
Natsu's response was automatic, he gathered Happy's smaller body to his chest and shuddered out gaspy breaths. To have his best friend close was a welcomed relief as he felt the pull on his magic become manageable in its aggression. Swallowing, he allowed his emotions to break free for only Happy to view. A trembling hand came to rub at Happy's left ear while the other loosened and Happy slid down into Natsu's lap, eyes glassy with building tears. The Blue exceed chittered softly, before pulling away to gauge their situation, which Natsu naturally allowed.
"It's completely fine if you want to leave." Happy whispered, an open reassurance that his friend didn't have to stay if he didn't want to, something Natsu tends to forget when overwhelmed with a Flare-up. His eyes briefly flickered over to the three people stationed at their table, in debt to the rush of noise in the Guild and the attention it provided for the rest of the team. Although he was still cautious, it wouldn't take much for one of them to look over and with Natsu having a Panic attack on top of a Flare-up, it was hard to cover up. He didn't have much of a lying streak, so to redirect someone was a struggle on his part. He turned his attention back on his friend when Natsu's breath hitched, the slayer's bottom lip trembling.
"I-I," Natsu swallowed, vision becoming fuzzy again as his magic jumped. He took several breaths before answering, "I know, little b-buddy."
Happy huffed as he settled himself into the Dragonslayer's lap, making sure to apply pressure to the thighs to keep his friend present. Natsu easily accommodated the Exceed, dropping a hand for Happy to hold as they both fell silent. The one thing that didn't fall silent was Natsu's mind, which ran wild with nasty, crude thoughts about himself. He loathed everything about these panic attacks, the intense feeling of being out of control was maddening. It was just one of the many things that he kept under lock and key, from himself and his friends.
A hot knot of emotion clogged his throat, the muscles in his jaw jumping as tears spilled down his cheeks. New panic washed over him in waves, he was being selfish again. Unable to come clean to anyone, not even Happy, his entire found family here in the Guild. He was being horrible…
A sharp pain blossomed in his thigh, bringing Natsu back to the present as he looked down at the Blue cat. Happy withdrew his claws from the Dragonslayer's leg, an empathetic frown on his normally cheerful face. Natsu squeezed his eyes tightly, lips moving but yet again not making any sound as his trembling hands brushed away his tears. Taking in several deep, shuddering breaths, he counted backward from sixty, trying to pull himself together. It took longer, but he felt the effects immediately as his shoulders dipped in fatigue, and his muscles burned but overall he felt okay. He wanted to laugh, the relief being so sharp.
Probably why it turned so bitter, so quickly.
"What's wrong Flame – idiot, already wallowing in defeat?" Blood blossomed inside Natsu's mouth, having bit down on his tongue. Tremoring hands came to grip the underside of the bench, the faint popping noise of wood splittering underneath his fingertips a welcomed respite. He grew hyper-aware of his magic that surged forth, reactive and rearing to be let loose on the idiot. He squeezed his eyes, sweat rolling down his temple as he bowed his head further, a disconnected part of his magic blistered violently within his core. It was cold and unfeeling. In that single moment, he had all the capability and intent to spring forward across the table and incinerate Gray's arrogant face from his skull. He locked up that part of his magic tighter, refusing to let it free.
Natsu silently worked through his breathing exercises, but curiosity made him make an error. He slowly lifted his head, enough to peer through his damp fringe and immediately found Gray scrutinizing him. He wheezed, a chasm opening up inside his stomach before he ducked away from those dark blue eyes. He remained silent, not chancing the Ice mage to ask unanswerable questions. Happy observed the whole interaction, and threw a silent glower at Gray for such an unwelcome banter, which teetered close to an insult. Happy often wondered if the other man hadn't learned a thing from the last time, and increasingly built up some self-ignorance to be able to continue such brash behaviors. The blue Exceed could practically feel the amount of strain it was taking his partner not to jump the Ice mage, and there was nothing friendly about it.
Gray was still aggravated over his scolding from Erza, and the announcement only furthered to sour his mood. He wanted a drink, but as he was getting up to head to the bar, an opportunity presented itself in the form of his rival's sudden subdued nature. The Dragonslayer's posture was bowed, his head hung low as his fringe overshadowed his entire face. The sudden change, while concerning, was also perfect for Gray to ruffle the Dragonslayer's cocky ego, and start a brawl. It would entertain him at least, get both of their minds off this Grand Fair bullshit, and participate in something enjoyable. A smirk quirked at his mouth, leaning forward to be just within view of the Dragonslayer, he proudly announced himself with a familiar jab.
At that exact moment, Lucy tapered back to reality and immediately focused on what was being said at their table. She furrowed her brows in scrutiny when her best friend failed to respond to the usual routine of name-calling, although she did level a stare at Gray for his next choice of words. The Ice mage barely noticed her, but it didn't matter since just then she felt the muscles in the Dragonslayer's arms ripple with raw tension. They were basically connected by the hips with how close they sat, so she felt every move he made and probably vice versa. Instantly, something foreboding washed over her before it quickly shifted into a dizzying wave of serious Deja Vu, her previous worry only doubled. Despite it being vastly different, it still reminded her of what went down last time; and she didn't know if her friend had come to realize it yet. She was just about to discreetly sign Gray to back off when Erza's attention was captured by the silence that had overtaken the table.
The Scarlet Knight's sharp mind instantly absorbed the situation and drastic change of atmosphere, it greatly unnerved her. She didn't waste time, cutting her gaze over to Natsu and finding his hunched form and unresponsiveness, before it bounced down onto his lap; where Happy sat. The Exceed was giving Gray a nasty glower, which told her of his obvious disapproval of the jab, slash insult. But there was more to the Blue cat's emotions, which filtered openingly through those large brown eyes. Anxiety, the hint of fear, somberness, and frustration, were all possibly a direct reflection of the Dragonslayer's feelings if Erza looked into it hard enough.
Side-glancing to her left, she found Gray looking disgruntled at his failed attempt, but it only lasted a few minutes when his expression eased into one of deep worry as he folded his arms. She remained calm, but a feeling of sadness reached out to her, she hoped every day that whatever was ailing or hurting Natsu would cease. At that precise moment, though, she just wishes for the Dragonslayer's mood to elevate, for everyone's sake. Letting out a silent breath of air, she reached over and laid her hand on Gray's forearm, causing the man to jerk upright in his seat, wary eyes swinging over into her direction. She gave him a stern stare before shaking her head and mouthed 6 words total. Gray's whole demeanor shifted as he slumped back into his seat, gaze dropping into his lap as he distressed his bottom lip.
Annoyance ate at the Ice mage, he felt like his plan to rile up his friend would do the trick. But besides upsetting Happy, who stared at him with his own daggers of great disappointment, Natsu remained indifferent. Ignoring the Exceed, he instead allowed himself to observe his friend with a critical eye, and as a few minutes passed his once shrewd attitude quickly changed into a bundle of nerves. Something felt off, he could feel it. His eyes fell away to look at his forearm, where a large surface scar shaped into a handprint decorated his pale skin. He didn't allow anything to form in his thoughts as he focused back on his… friend, he felt guilt in his heart that sometimes he couldn't…
Dark Olive's eyes stared back at him, startled, Gray could only stare back at his rival. He hated what he saw in those familiar eyes, such sadness and uncertainty that robbed the Dragonslayer of anything he usually projected. But just as quickly as Natsu allowed Gray to hold this strange staring contest, he tore away and returned to his unresponsive state. It didn't mean Gray didn't notice some things, like the tremors in his forearms or how wheezy his breathing appeared.
His lips parted, trying to work words into a viable sentence that could open up a window to a real conversation between the two, nothing fake. However, his chance was taken away by a hand on his forearm, he jerked upright in his seat not at all expecting the touch of someone else. He looked over to find Erza was the culprit and she appeared relaxed but somber as she shook her head at him.
'That is enough' Erza mouthed, discreetly gesturing with her hazel eyes toward the Dragonslayer. She then gave Gray's arm a gentle squeeze, before dropping her hand. 'Just leave it.' Gray's eyes widened, now fully reading the situation and how close he had been to doing a repeat all those years ago. Icy dread washed down his throat as he slumped into his seat, gaze locked on nothing in particular. He wanted so badly to talk to Natsu, have a second to finally put to rest this deeply rooted aversion between one another. They played it off most of the time, but they both knew a change had occurred in their causal rivalry and Gray was too much of a coward to say anything about it. He can be an asshole, he will admit but most of it was to cover up and Natsu was the only one who knew him well, so he joked and insulted the Ice mage just as hard. But now that was gone, everything had to be said under a filter, since Natsu had become so different from what he used to be. Gray hardly knew his friend anymore, and that was terrifying.
During the silent exchange, Natsu focused only on Happy's heartbeat. He completely drowned out everyone else's, drawing on the steady rhythms of the Exceeds. Inhale and Exhale, controlled and soothing as he felt his breathing even out more. He felt how his hands ceased trembling, the aches fading away as his chest loosened with every other breath. Good, he thought, his day was looking better, and although he felt slightly fatigued he knew he would move one without issues. The pride he felt was exhilarating, he had successfully gotten over a second attack, inside the Guild no less. His whole body unwound, nerves and tendons no longer harshly bundled up as he gave himself more time to shake off the pins and needles.
At the same time, the Guild members who were being openly loud in their complaints about said rules, chose the time to be deafening. Riling together to make a ridiculous uproar, Natsu smiled faintly, mood significantly better as he listened to the protester's cries of displeasure.
" I call it unfairness, what if people don't have the time, or don't want to participate? You can't do that, It's illegal to human rights!" Someone shouted out within the crowd, and some agreed, however, the Master in response to the protesting bunch easily waved them away. His old, but wise features quickly became plastered with a neutral expression as he walked off the stage and disappeared up the stairs; into the solitude of his office. This did not silence the protestors, but people chose to ignore them in favor of coming together, picking and choosing partners; and planning the arts that best suited them.
Team Natsu sat in an uncomfortable silence, where neither person said a thing. They were all attuned to Natsu's unpredictable, yet unnatural behaviors, having done dance and song for several years now with no real answers. Erza causally smoothed down her skirt, picking off invisible fuzz that never existed but she found that it kept her calm, distracted. It was everything she could do, to keep herself calm, she didn't want to make a wrong move.
Suddenly, Natsu slowly rose from his slouched position, rolling his neck as he straightened up in his seat. They all jolted, making a string of eye contact with one another before Erza nodded, singling that everything was going to be fine. Natsu's features were calmer than they all expected, his eyes were glimmering like he wasn't entirely with them but they refrained from commenting on it. Erza frowned, hands tightening into fits on her lap, as they waited on Natsu. Lucy licked her bottom lip, opening her mouth before biting off any words that formed, not knowing how to go about asking anything that didn't sound offending or insensitive. So, she started small, gaining courage from her friends who looked at her with understanding eyes.
"There you are, Natsu," Lucy said gently, brushing her fingers softly down his upper arm. She leaned forward more to catch the man's side profile, a soft smile on her face, "You know, you got to stop spacing out like that, it's beginning to worry us."
Natsu's reaction to her blatant concern was genuine, he flinched slightly at her words. He knew that his friends were well aware of him now, more than ever, so he felt bad to know they also lied to make him feel not so bad. When really, all they want from him is to be truthful to them, to make some sort of effort to speak to them about what was going on. They had no idea how badly he wanted that window to open up, but they didn't how scared he was, it's petrifying. Swallowing, he turned to face the Celestial mage, who dropped her hand but that gentle smile still aimed in his direction.
"I know the news of the Grand Fair was truly unexpected, I'm still reeling myself. I thought the Grand Magic Games was a wild ride, I can't imagine what this will do to us." Lucy voiced, her hands making small gestures, her eyes swung around before they landed back onto the silent Dragonslayer. Who quickly shot her a smile, she took it as a form of apology.
"No kidding," Natsu replied, abashed as he gave a tiny shrug of acknowledgment. He paused, thinking on something before he spoke again, becoming more animated, " I'm just trying to come to a better understanding surrounding the whole event, including the bullshit rules. Why? We are mages through and through, so why take away something that's a part of us and not call it talent? I'm not the only one questioning that."
Natsu gestured over to the mound of protesters forming at the bottom of the stairs, a semi-annoyed look crossing his features. He tried to keep minimal eye contact when answering, highly aware of Erza and Gray's constant nit-picking of his actions. Overanalyzing his words and facial expressions. He took some calming breaths, knowing nothing could be changed to make it a better outcome, so he followed through.
"You have a point there, Natsu, but I find the Event a great opportunity to make new connections within the Guild Community. Of course, it doesn't hurt to boost our own Guild's reputation and bring in a wide new audience in the process as the Hosting Guild either," Erza spoke up, leaning forwards and sliding her hands across the table, continuing with a knowing gleam to her eyes, "On another note, that was some serious zoning out you were doing. Does that happen often?"
"I know, I know I have a terrible problem. Sue me." Natsu sassed, nailing the dramatic shoulder drop and over-the-top sigh before he bumped his shoulder with Lucy's. Completely deflecting Erza's second question in favor of bothering his best friend. He got the reaction he was aiming for as she teetered in her seat before letting out a snort of laughter, as she attempted to shove him back; resulting in him barely moving an inch. She mock-glared at him when he at least made a show of it, jolting just enough sideways to seem unbelievable. Her glare melted into a dazzling smile, rolling her eyes. It was something Natsu loved to see from her, she was something precious. From his seat in the Fire Dragonslayer's lap, Happy finally relaxed.
Across the Dragonslayer, Gray sighed with a thin smile on his face as he watched Lucy and Natsu banter back and forth. It was like everything had shifted yet again, and what he had glimpsed in those dark olives almost seemed like an illusion. It made his stomach knot, his eyes lowered again. He didn't like to think of Natsu that way, but at least he found comfort in knowing he wasn't the only one.
She twisted her fingers, drawing on every calming aspect of her surroundings. The darkening of her eyes only showcased her annoyance to anyone who looked, she knew darn well what Natsu had done. He had effectively switched the attention of the whole table to him and Lucy by playing up the role of normal antics. It worked well enough, and it irked her in so many ways that he could do that.
Erza never questioned her friends, always loyal to them when it came to a standing or choice. Yet, in recent years things in the Guild have gradually changed, they (the main Tenrou group) weren't young bratty teens anymore. The only teenagers in the Guild were Wendy Marvell and Romeo who were 18 and 17 respectively, and some newer members that joined shortly after the Grand Magic Games. But, nobody has inadvertently changed much and that made their whole dynamic as a found family familiar.
That is until Natsu, their constant in the whole Guild who could light up a room by just walking in. They never realized how dependent they were on the silly antics that he dished out daily until they didn't come as frequently. Yes, he tried but the wired spirit and brash determination had started to dim in recent years, probably longer since Makarov had sent out a rescue team to find their Dragonslayer. A C-ranked Mission turned S-ranked, is the brief explanation they got when Natsu eventually turned up to the Guild, he never appeared shaken by the ordeal.
The rescue team who went told them much more about the details. Simply, Natsu was assigned a mission falsely classified under lower B- high A rank, to deal with a Dark Cult stationed in an old abandoned church in the Dead Void Forest. They said, that when they got the information that there had been an error with one of their missions, it had been hours since Natsu had set off to deal with the Cult. By the time they got there, the old church had collapsed in on itself, pinning Natsu beneath. When rescued, they tried questioning the Dragonslayer on what had happened but all they could get out of him was that the Cult Leader had committed accidental suicide. It was confirmed when they found the young woman's body later, crushed; along with several of her followers. As for Natsu, he was largely unscathed, except for some cuts and bruises that were mainly caused by the battle. That is until they saw the burns, a feverish red that painted itself up the side of his neck, cheek, and lastly the bridge of his nose. While these burns were superficial and would eventually heal, they found it hard to believe that something had burned the Dragonslayer at all. The worst of the injuries were Natsu's hand, mainly his fingertips which were cut up and burnt to the point that they trembled, he wore special gloves for months after that to speed up the healing process.
Everything eventually healed, although Natsu did have some faint burn scars over the bridge of his nose but that was it. It aged him up a tad bit which Natsu enjoyed and told them in confidence that it made him look cooler. Erza found reassurance that the situation hadn't taken away the Dragonslayer's spunk, but she still worried and rightfully so. Not a day later did she got pulled into a private meeting with Makarov, who asked about the mental health of the Fire mage. If anything had happened in the last few days that appeared out of the ordinary, she carefully admitted that nothing had.
Makarov looked concerned and spoke to Erza about dissociation disorder and how Natsu could very well be avoiding what happened to him. He might be more affected than they both realized, so Makarov made it Erza's mission to observe their friend and Family member for anything that could lead them to believe otherwise of Natsu's mental health. Because, while pure of heart, even Natsu was susceptible to change.
She took the job seriously and has been for the past 5 years since. While every little action the Dragonslayer did afterward was odd in itself, like disappearing for long periods, he actively tried to keep things in their Team normal. Although, the incident with Gray had been damaging and the recovery period afterward had been rough. Since then, there was a shift, and nothing they did as a Team ever repaired it, it was solely between Natsu and Gray to deal with it. But what they saw that day, made them think twice about annoying the Dragonslayer purely out of fear but marginally out of respect.
It made Erza realize that Natsu could be one of two things nowadays, be it this overly confident, comedic mess that talks the whole way through situations of nonimportance. In the last few years, the Dragonslayer's sarcasm has upgraded exponentially, which often aggravated their clients or guildmates who didn't quite know Natsu well enough to find it humorous. While the other side of the coin was much darker, and frightening if Erza was honest with herself. Natsu never tries to be off-putting, he remains in this air of chaotic good that draws people to him. But if it calls for it, he can spook even the strongest mages with his cold demeanor, words curt and eerily calm. If you dared to stare into his eyes, all you would see were the sliver of smoky darkness. A huge contrast to those soft olives he only had for his family.
The respect he has gained was favorable for someone who is considered wildly infamous. Even Gray has praised Natsu for the Slayer's uncanny ability to win most of his fights. But that could be because of the Dragonslayer's natural ability to draw on hidden reserves from his emotions, due to his magic being so closely tied (Flames of emotions). The stronger the emotion, the longer he can pull from his reservoir, be it from pure determination, anger, fear, etc. In many ways, they envied the ability since Natsu was never truly done when he obviously should be. But they couldn't necessarily fault him either, they were proud to have him as Nakama, because he always pulls through for them.
During the years, she watched Natsu's behavior expand and grow. He allowed himself to experience these episodes of dissociation or dare she mention, panic attacks before completely turning a blind eye to them once he comes out of one. He had done it countless times and it broke her heart, knowing she couldn't do much since he had kept it that way. Always playing a facade of happiness, even his eyes barely gave him away. He was sharp-witted for sure, even cunning if Erza could give his role-playing any credit. Considering his eyes were like a bridge to his deepest emotions, and even if she was starting point blank in them, she would only see what he wanted her to see. A familiar warmth of sheer happiness, and he always plays it up with one of his cheek-splitting smiles and subtle head tilts. It pissed her off because she knew that he knew and yet he just danced around her like a silly game. Always smiling and laughing off his issues.
She eventually was brought out of her pessimistic thoughts when Natsu's attention briefly shifted away from Lucy, cutting over to Gray. The Ice mage straightened in his seat instantly but otherwise met the Fire mage's wandering gaze. Erza worried that Natsu would retaliate over the previous insult before it faded when his eyes swiveled over into her direction, ignoring Gray completely. The Ice mage's relief washed over his features as he leaned over the table, chin resting in his palm.
Natsu embraced the emotions that glimmered in the Scarlet Knight's irises with dissatisfaction, the open negativity swimming in those eyes was harsh. The suspicion, anger and worry all made up a bitter taste in his mouth. The urge to reach out and flick her forehead was immense, but he withheld himself both with actions and also in words. His new tongue would probably make up a situation where he wouldn't be getting out easily. Instead, the minute their eyes connected, he softened up his eyes and spoke directly to her in aspiration.
"Erza, come on, it was just some harmless fun. Sorry?" He voiced, tone touching on being remorseful but the half-smirk spoke otherwise. He raised his eyebrow and discreetly made his play of a silent conversation between them. She could depict everything he wasn't saying, simply by watching his body language and hands. They gave a clear warning, 'Speak anything I don't want to hear, and I will leave.' She couldn't help the frown, biting the inside of her cheek as she tried to work out something to say in return. But he had her and she felt angry that his plan had worked, again. Natsu, for some reason, had a better understanding of coercion and manipulation tactics than she did. And he used them well, besting her every time, and usually, he didn't have to say a word.
"I hardly find that believable, but I will let it slide for the time being," She lightly said, appearing like everything that happened between them didn't matter, "However please do try righting that habit, it could mean life and death in a battle."
Natsu's left eye twitched before he rolled his eyes, a smile the only thing he gave. He turned away from her and poked Lucy in the girl's ribcage, catching the girl off-guard. The Celestial wizard reached out and smacked Natsu's offending hand away from her side, lips set in a small pout.
"Seriously Natsu! Stop being a nuisance! And listen to Erza for once, she has a good point!" Natsu also matched Lucy's pout before pulling an expression of scandalized betrayal. He leaned away from her, but all Lucy did was stare at her best friend blankly.
"Of course, you would take her side. But if I have to admit it, then yes, Erza does have a fair point. It would be good for the Guild's reputation and to build upon older connections but I still find the whole non-magic nonsense disappointing. I can't fathom that the Event Coordinator would plan an entire event surrounded by Talent, and then think it was a perfect idea to host it in an all-Mage Guild! And then expect that everyone would know something outside of their Magic!"
Gray, Lucy, and Erza stared at Natsu, yet again perplexed by the complete understanding he had about the whole Grand Fair and the plot holes it had in its foundations. For someone who barely stepped foot in the library or even reads, he had laid out a perfect expound for why the Event was flawed. It was honestly impressive.
"I guess you are also right, but what can we do about it? We were chosen as the Hosting Guild, so we must honor that. It would look bad if we backed out, Natsu." Lucy said, looking nervous but excited as she reached over to pat the Dragonslayer's upper arm, "Don't worry so much, just give it your best. Nobody can truly judge you for it. Right?"
Natsu's smile slipped a little. The bundle of nerves in his stomach suddenly felt like acid and it made it hard to stay positive. He felt powerless now, even if he tried to derail the whole progress of the event it would land FairyTail in a negative light. He could never willingly do that, even if it would benefit him. So what was he supposed to do? Sabotage their chances for a win or do the right thing his heart has been yearning for him to do for 5 years now…
"Natsu, seriously, if you're feeling anxious about the whole event, that's normal," Lucy softly reassured, her dark eyes wide with guilt. He couldn't help himself as he stared into those gorgeous honey-brown eyes of hers, a familiar warmth spreading through his chest at just the sight of her. He wanted to reach out and crease her face, feel the softness of her skin beneath his fingers. She was perfect, vivid and so many other wonderful words he desperately wanted to express. He loved her.
"...and I'm sorry if I've upset you." Suddenly a rush of noise imploded, and Natsu could hear again. He felt his whole body jolt, face flushing at where his thoughts had gone. His eyes shyly danced away from Lucy, who stared perplexed back at him while he worked on composing himself. He often tried not to think about romantic love, especially after his 'incident' but there has always been something about Lucy that felt right, different but right. He had tried his hand at courting her, but as things grew bleak for his future he had stopped and she never tried to pick the spark back up. He instantly knew what that meant, that she only saw him as a friend. A platonic friendship, which he was okay with if that was what made her happy.
"No worries, Luce," He replied, after a whole minute, not realizing that this time around he had in fact zoned out. Lucy sighed but merely smiled. She wanted to name the emotion that had come across Natsu's face before he turned from her, but hesitation kept her from properly forming words. Her smile felt less real, as a deep sense of disappointment filled her up as she watched him quietly think away about something not privy to her. After a few seconds, he zoned back in on her but his smile had waned a little, and the previous flush to his cheekbones had faded as well, " I know, I'd be stupid not to admit my faults and limited skill surrounding something, not Magic based. But I'll figure it out."
It made Lucy frown, not liking how Natsu said it so nonchalantly yet still having that dampened tone to express his worry. She nibbled the inside of her cheek, pursing her lips as she did before looking off across the table to gauge her other teammate's expressions. While Gray looked smug, even finding it necessary to try and hide his smirk from Natsu's eyes, Erza was the opposite. The scarlet-haired woman looked noticeably weary, obviously making the same connections that Lucy had. What was Natsu, who has never found any interests besides Guild brawls, fighting, and doing cool magic tricks with his fire, to do in a non-magic-based event? She knew quite a few of her Guild members who had amazing hobbies and talents outside of Guild Activities. Now that she was thinking about it more, it wasn't just Natsu that they should be worried for either, Gray was also not well diverse outside of his Ice mage. Maybe he had something to work with, maybe not; but if she knew him well enough then he was only saving face and had absolutely nothing.
"Now, if I'm mistaken, "Erza voiced, tone light as she side-glanced over to Gray who had quickly stiffened, the biting smirk slipping away much to Lucy's enjoyment, "Gray, aren't you also talentless without the use of your ice magic? What's with that look, you have as much to figure out as Natsu."
Gray sputtered, his cheeks reddening before he growled and shot a glare at Natsu, who had made a noise that resembled a snort but he could have easily just choked on his spit. The Ice mage turned back to Erza, lips thinned out in his disgruntlement.
"Don't sell me out short, I might have something up my sleeve. This stupid Furnace, on the other hand, can't possibly have anything on the back burner." It was such a low blow and it made Erza want to kick the Ice mage's ass for it. Ever since the incident between the two, their friendship has been jagged and filled with bitterness. Something she couldn't immediately fix by herself, and in truth it made her feel saddened to observe the two. A glower darkened her features but she remained silent when Natsu snarled before snapping his teeth at the Ice mage, who leaned away with a glare but kept to himself. It took a few minutes but Erza sensed that things were finally starting to simmer down as she took the opportunity to observe the rest of the Guild. It made some of the previous thoughts lessen her sombreness as she watched everyone laugh and talk with one another, her eyes flickered over to the stage and perked up when she saw Mirajane taping up the aforementioned 'Registration Sheet.' With a cutting smile, Erza redirected her gaze to her teammates.
"I will have you know that I am confident that you boys will do just fine for yourselves. Ultimately these next six weeks will be a testament to your competitive rivalry. I hope to see such strong ambitions when it comes to the Grand Fair and the performances. Now make yourselves committed and go register yourselves immediately."
Her words entice two different reactions out of both boys. For her words of encouragement, there was integrity and eagerness. However, the minute she ended her praise they both reeled into action. Gray, for one, didn't expect it and had just taken a sip of his water and choked. His hands flailed as he hit himself hard on the chest, dislodging the water from his windpipe as he gasped and coughed. Meanwhile, the bright smile Natsu had was quickly distinguished, and something unidentifiable closed over his features. It was brief before his face twisted nervously and he looked over at her carefully, eyes filled with an uneasiness.
"Erza, we appreciate the words of motivation but asking us to…it's rather abrupt and we have the entire-" Natsu began, trying to stir the Scarlet Knight's sudden interest in the Registration Sheet, but instead nearly jumped out of his seat when she simply slammed her fist down hard against the table's surface, they all felt the vibrations of the impact. Some of the Guild members seated closer to Team Natsu even jolted and looked over in trepidation at their Fairy Queen's Legendary temper. Some even eyed Natsu. The Fire mage's shoulders flew past his head as he swallowed thickly, trying to right his heart rate and at the same time appear placated by Erza's display. It was all he could do.
"I know your ploy, and it won't work! Go over there and sign the damn paper, or so help me…" Erza sternly said, face never wavering under Natsu's expression that practically begged her to stop, and be reasonable. She turned her head and instead found Gray giving her the evil eye. Unlike Natsu who didn't want to fight, Gray wasn't going to back down which wouldn't be the first but when has the Ice mage ever won against Erza?
"It's not a ploy! Flame-brain has a point, we have time and there is no immediate rush to register. Besides, even if we didn't sign the damn thing, we would still have to participate. So leave it be." Dark blue eyes harden, challenging the women who only sat a few inches from him before they danced over to seek out Natsu. The Fire mage's face was creased, a sense of resignation hung heavily over him as he subconsciously picked at his muffler. Nowadays, the Dragonslayer refrained from picking certain battles with Erza, and Gray often noticed the behavior. It was the correct thing for the Dragonslayer to do but it interfered when Gray was trying to defend him, which he was. He didn't like to and probably shouldn't have since Natsu wasn't going to back him up either. Great…
At his clear defiance against her, Erza's features turned thunderous, and it was enough for both boys to wilt underneath the intensity of it. She never said a word as she jutted her thumb over to the sign-up sheet, a threatening gleam in her eyes brightened. Both boys bolted from their respective seats only to stand rigid in front of the 'Registration Sheet'.
"This whole Grand Fair is complete bullshit, they just want to make fools out of us! I bet the media will take every opportunity to disapprove of our Guild's title and bad-mouth us again!" Gray grumbled, unloading every negative thought he had about the whole situation now that he wasn't in earshot of the Scarlet Knight. He snatched a black pen from the podium against the wall, Natsu doing the same shortly after but he kept to himself. Dread already was festering within him, a blistering headache taking up pressure at the base of his skull and nothing had yet to be resolved. How had everything he built up until now, suddenly grown to become so cumbersome in the face of such an Announcement? Yeah, sure he was going to be fine but how that would come to be was another issue entirely. His ears rang and all he could hear again was Gray, " Those bastards Gajeel and Mirajane are probably so smug with themselves right now, I have no doubt they will rub this in other's face…"
"What are you even saying? Mirajane and Gajeel are just excited that something is catering to their level of skill. It's almost pathetic that you would even say that about them," Natsu grumbled, tone satirical as he wrote out his signature, his hand starting to tremble with the strain of remaining calm under his friend's stupidity. He honestly wondered if Gray thought thoroughly about what he said because half of the stuff that came out of the Ice Princess was presumptuous and single-minded, "Just so you know, Holly Jolly Princess, your jealousy is showing and it's not pretty."
Natsu flinched, heart spiking when Gray grabbed his wrist in a vice-like grip, before yanking him forward so they were nose to nose. The Ice mage looked furious, breathing heavily as he loomed over the Dragonslayer.
"Shut your damn mouth, I'm not jealous! If someone had to be it would be you, Natsu! So once in your life, stop deluding yourself, and admit how amateurish you are; how every grandstanding you have ever accomplished was because of that special magic of yours and nothing else!" Gray spat the words like acid into Natsu's face, whose features were stricken and pale. His throat felt hot, his whole right arm throbbing from the contact Gray had on him, "You hide behind nothing but a mask of idiocy and it makes me sick."
The pen in Natsu's hand dropped to the floor, and his eyes turned to pinpricks before darkness swept through him like liquid smoke. In one fluent motion, Natsu forcefully twisted his wrist out of Gray's hold, startling the Ice mage, before he managed to grasp Gray by his forearm and violently twisted the appendage behind the male's back. Gray blinked once in pained confusion before he realized what had happened. His breathing hitched as Natsu leaned in from behind him, his cheek just barely brushing against his.
"Let me jog that poor memory of yours," The hairs on the nape of Gray's neck raised at the callous tone of voice that came from Natsu, like a predator going in for the kill, " My magic isn't my only tool to play with, I could easily incapacitate you without anyone taking notice by simply pressing here."
Gray's eyes widened in fear as Natsu's finger pressed against his jugular vein, tracing the artery with intense interest. A cold sweat broke out on the Ice mage's brow, breathing shallow as he listened to Natsu make a noise in the back of his throat before his finger pulled away. He jolted as the Fire mage yanked on his trapped arm, causing tiny rivets of pain to shoot up his arm before he was shoved away. Wide eyes and shaking, Gray looked cautiously over at the Fire Dragonslayer.
Dark eyes pulsating red stared down at him, Natsu's face a plate of cold steel. He rubbed the spot where Gray had grabbed, his fingers trembled as he did. A gut-punching sense of remorse settled over Gray, why did he just make things worse? He hadn't truly meant what he said to Natsu, yet he put so much emphasis on tearing down the Dragonslayer's self-confidence without a second thought. All because Natsu had called him out on his poor behavior towards friends, no, family.
"N-Natsu…I-"
"If that's not genuine, I don't want to hear it." Natsu snapped, dropping his wrist and looking around them to see if anyone had observed the two's scuffle. A table close by had, but they were actively ignoring Natsu when he looked over. The Dragonslayer grumbled to himself before passing Gray without another word, a bad energy assaulting the air.
Gray watched him go, his stomach hollow and fear still pumping through his veins. Had that all really happened? His hand massaged his throat over the pulse point, mind fruitlessly analyzing the whole exchange. Natsu hadn't been playing, his movements were too precise as he effortlessly pinned Gray into a submission hold. The strength he had felt when he flexed to try and get out was terrifying, like solid metal wrapped around his arm. His stomach clenched, what was the true story behind Natsu's mission accident? All the recurring change had started then, so what was Natsu hiding?
The hurt was sharp in his gut, but as he walked away the sorrow fell away to his fury over Gray's words. His magic melded together, harsh and uncomfortable and he knew immediately he had little control over it. He had to leave and temper his emotions before they boiled over in the Guild. Quickly calling out Happy, he said a curt-sounding goodbye before they fled from the Guild Hall. Once freed of the confiding walls, Natsu cupped the back of his neck and growled, eyes closing as he just worked through his anger. They walked aimlessly for a time before they eventually made it to the outskirts of the town and headed into the dense forest where they built their homestead.
The soft silver glow of the moon brightened the bare streets of Magnolia, only a few people still walked the grounds as Natsu and Happy came through. The deceptive mask of FairyTail's Brash and hyperactive Salamander dropped away as shadows danced across suave features. His eyes were lowered but they spoke several years of wisdom and suffering, rather than thriving and relaxation. The evening did little to lessen his anger, considering all he did was knock down trees and decimate the earth until it became unrecognizable. He inhaled sharply as magic crackled from his fingertips, blistering hot before it surged and lashed outwards through the soles of his feet, shattering the concrete and causing the overhead lights to flicker. A flash of red colored his irises before he exhaled slowly, rolling his shoulders as they continued down the housing district. Flying beside him, Happy let out a whine as his ears flattened out, paws fidgeting with his green bandana.
"It's getting worse, oh so very worse! N-Natsu, please, you got to do something! Start small, I don't care, I just want-" Happy babbled, his voice strained as he watched his friend comb back his hair from his face, his stride slowing. A heavy sigh escaped him, lighting the air with fiery ash as he grimaced. Tension lines gathered underneath his eyes, and yet again he felt dragged down by the invisible stress that all his deception and half-truths had caused on his already damaged psyche. He could only blame it on himself. Sometimes, he wondered what would have become of him if he didn't have Happy or them, the only other support system he had outside of the Guild. His feet instantly corrected their direction from Strawberry Street to drag him towards a route that was familiar and comforting. It was as familiar as walking to the Guild, you don't forget it.
"Happy," Natsu whispered, tone frayed but not unkind, "I try to take your feelings into account, but you gotta know it's not going to be that simple, bud. It's been a long time, and during the incident, I tried. Tried talking to Makarov, to Erza but…I-I just wasn't able to make the words come out….Do you understand?"
The Fire mage's words only caused a greater upset in the Exceed, for this person beside him was Natsu. His best friend, and greatest father figure in all of Earthland but there was a darkness that descended upon him, making him different. It wasn't his fault, there was no blame for where this darkness came from and he knew that, but he wished for the old Natsu Dragneel to resurface and take the mantle of what the Dragonslayer used to represent. He represented a goodness that everyone gravitated towards but right now all he did was upset and worry people constantly. It wasn't good.
"I'm trying too, Natsu! Every day you grow w-worse, the seals aren't doing their job anymore! Y-you are running out of time, N-Natsu! Please-" Natsu's heart clenched, hating to hear the warble in Happy's voice. He turned to face his flying friend, a sad tilt to his mouth, remorse drowning in his eyes. Of course, they spoke on this subject countless times about seeking help from the Guild, to put everything on the table about what truly happened that year X792, but it always ended without an actual resolution. Much like now, " They can help you, more than the rest of us can, they're our family! Natsu, please just reconsider it."
"So are the others, now, that's enough," Natsu flatly stated, he didn't like continuing on a conversation with no catch as they neared a well-lit building, built from dark concrete and polished oak. A sleek, three-step staircase ran up onto a platform where two large, frosted glass doors awaited. To the far left, surrounded by plant life and loose stones, stood a unique statue made of asymmetrical metal that staggered over one another. In the center, on a wooden slab read: Love and Passions Studios, home of the Phoenix. A smile cut across the Dragonslayer's features as he bounded up to the platform and quietly entered the building. Upon entering, they found themselves bathed with warm lights, plant life decorated half the space as Natsu walked up to the desk. Behind said desk was a young woman, no more than twenty years of age, she graciously glanced up from her computer to only flash the newcomers with a heart-stopping smile. Rising from her seat, she came around and bowed.
"Welcome back, Lord Phoenix. Please get settled in, everyone has been anticipating your arrival." Natsu's shoulders relaxed as he followed the woman deeper into the building, Happy already making himself home in her arms.
"Great."
Endnotes:
Final Version
Just a disclaimer, I'm not intentionally bashing Gray. I love his character, he's being used more for plot corrections, and his attitude will even out in later chapters. I swear.
I went for a more believable outlook when it came to Natsu's behavior and changed personality, as people are aware now.
This chapter's word count: 9730
This chapter's pages: 10