A/N: So, I went just a tad AU on this one. I've read a number of stories where Harm fathers a child with Mac and doesn't know it. The plots vary, and for some reason I felt the need to write my own. In general, I'm not a huge fan of this genre, especially if at least one of them doesn't have the baby from the beginning, which of course would most likely be Mac—not sure how I would work out the plot otherwise :) Of note, I'm talking strictly about a child of Mac and Harm's. This one is inspired by songs from the Heart album "Brigade." I don't intend for this to be more than three chapters, as I don't want to start a whole long story, given I still have stories unfinished. Anyway, on with the story.
Heart
Chapter 1: All I Want to Do is Make Love to You
Mac straightened her uniform jacket, checking herself once again in the mirror. All her ribbons were in their proper place, just as they always were, but today she wanted them absolutely perfect.
Today, she was starting at headquarters, an assignment she'd been thrilled to get, for it would undoubtedly be a boon to her career. Most importantly, it would mean trying the "bigger" cases, something for which she knew she was ready. She'd only been a lawyer for four years, but she'd excelled at it, and it was a career she truly loved. She hadn't known for sure at first if it was the right fit for her, despite what her mentor, her own uncle, had told her, but she had taken to it like a duck to water.
Mac smiled at the analogy, because it made her think of the one thing she loved infinitely more than her career.
"Mommy!"
Mac turned to see her three-year-old daughter, the true love of her life, coming toward her, carrying her stuffed rabbit and well-loved blankie. The little blanket had tiny ducklings on it, a gift from Uncle Matt, which is how Eden got her nickname.
"Hey, Duckling!" Mac greeted her as she picked her up. She knew she'd have to straighten her jacket and ribbons again, but she would never miss a chance to hold her beloved Eden Quinn.
"Quack!" giggled the little girl as she rubbed noses with her mother, and Mac chuckled too.
"Why are you up already, sweetheart? It's way too early."
"You're up, mommy," her daughter answered matter-of-factly.
"Because I have to go to work. It's my first day, you know."
"No, it's not, Mommy. You always work."
"I meant, dear girl, that this is my first day at my new job." She bounced Eden up and down in her arms.
"Oh." Eden started to wriggle then, so Mac set her down.
"I made you a present, Mommy!" Eden grinned as she ran off to her little "desk." She picked up a folded piece of red construction paper and brought it to her mother, and Mac ooohed and ahhhhed over the actually quite fair rendition of the horse on the cover.
"Thank you so much, Duckling! I love it!"
"Open it!"
Mac did as she was told, once again exclaiming over the pictures her daughter had drawn. One was of the two of them together, Mac dressed in the three-year-old's version of marine greens.
Little Eden was an intelligent, engaging child, one who was very verbally advanced for her age and who had a smile for everyone. She was not particularly shy, which sometimes made her mother nervous, but a saving grace was that Eden seemed to read people fairly well.
Mac herself was quite artistic, especially in drawing, so she knew where Eden acquired that talent. It was the child's loquaciousness she wondered about. Mac was by nature a quiet, introverted person, her abilities in the courtroom notwithstanding, but she supposed that had a lot to do with her upbringing.
Mac's mother had been a passive woman who had been physically and emotionally abused by her husband until one morning, she just up and left. Mac's father had continued to abuse his daughter emotionally, though not ever physically, and she had found it better to be quiet and unobtrusive. Her father would be more likely to leave her alone if she didn't make any obvious waves. That did not, however, mean she didn't engage in any sort of rebellion. She was definitely not as passive as her mother had been. Joe MacKenzie was just not aware of all the little things she had done to fight back.
Eden, unlike her mother, was talkative and seemed to make friends wherever she went, though she was barely three and a half. She had a grin that charmed the socks off young and old alike, a grin that reminded Mac so much of Eden's father.
Thoughts of the man inevitably filled her with regret. Someday her baby would ask who her father was, and Mac would have no answer for her. All she could tell her daughter was that they had the same sea blue eyes and the same crooked right ear. Her smile was similar to his, though Mac could see herself in it too.
Someday Eden would also ask why her father wasn't with them, and Mac would have to tell her that her daddy didn't know anything about her, and that Mac didn't even know his name.
Eden was essentially the product of a one-night stand, an act that was so out of character for Mac, and she still felt the shame and embarrassment to this day. At the time, she had been two months from graduating as a lawyer, and Eden's father was a prospective law student touring schools. He was being led around by a second year, and the moment Mac saw his brilliant smile, she was lost.
Lost, but certain she'd never see him again after that brief, chance meeting.
She was wrong. That night, as she drove away from the campus of Duke University, she saw him walking by the road. It was pouring outside, and he had neither umbrella nor coat, and he walked with a slight limp. As if controlled by some sort of ghost, she pulled up alongside him…
"Hey, can I give you a ride?" The man was soaked through and was obviously cold. Still, though, he was hesitant.
"You sure?" he asked, obviously recognizing her, and Mac nodded as she told him to get in the car. He smiled with acceptance then slid in beside her. His dark hair was plastered to his scalp, and when he shivered, Mac turned up the heat.
"Thanks," he said, rubbing his hands together for warmth.
"You're welcome. Where to?"
"The Hilton."
"Got it." They were not too far from there by car, but walking would make it quite the trek. Mac turned in that direction.
"So, what did you think of Duke?" she asked after a couple of blocks.
The man turned his face toward her. "I liked it. Still have a few schools I want to check out, but I'll definitely keep it on the list. How does it feel to be graduating soon?"
Mac shrugged as she changed lanes and turned. The rain had intensified, so she turned the wipers on high before she spoke. "I'm glad to be almost done, but I'll admit, I'll be sad to leave North Carolina."
"So, why don't you stay? Surely, they have plenty of jobs in this state."
Mac didn't want to give him too much information about herself, so instead of telling him about her commitment to the marines and her subsequent transfer to Quantico, she merely told him she'd already accepted a job in Virginia.
"Damn," the handsome gentleman in her car said. "You were going to be the only person I knew in North Carolina." He flashed that perfect grin at her, and it was so hard to return her eyes to the road as she chuckled.
"Funny. I don't even know your name."
"And I don't know yours."
"True." Mac debated telling, then debated telling him her "real" name versus her preferred nickname. She eventually decided that it couldn't hurt to tell him both. "Okay, it's S—"
"Look out!" her passenger suddenly cried, and Mac slammed on the brakes, barely avoiding colliding with a car whose driver was obviously not paying attention. It had turned in front of her and was within inches of being struck.
"Jerk."
"Yeah," Mac agreed, relieved that they were only about a block from the Hilton. She could make it.
No, she couldn't. Mac pulled over and then just sat there, gripping her steering wheel while her body shook. She dimly heard the man asking if she was okay, but she couldn't answer. She tried to focus on her breathing. She hadn't had a panic attack like this in a long time, but tonight's near miss brought her back to the night her father was driving drunk. She could still hear the sound of metal on metal, of glass breaking, of her bone snapping.
Just breathe, Mac, she told herself, while the person next to her reached over and touched her shoulder.
"Hey, hon, we're okay. Nothing happened."
"I-I know," she said irritably, but then felt hot tears slipping down her cheeks. She was so embarrassed.
"Hey, hey, don't cry." Mac heard the sound of him unbuckling his seatbelt. "You're okay. You're okay." He scooted closer to her and wrapped his arm around her. With his other hand, he cupped her cheek and swiped his thumb under her eye, brushing away her tears. He was so warm, despite the wetness of his clothes, and she let him hold her.
For the next five minutes, Mac allowed a perfect stranger to embrace her. She heard his heartbeat under her ear, relished the strength of his arms, and felt his soothing words rumble through his chest. She must look so foolish, losing it like this, but it was hard to care when this was her reward for it.
Finally, Mac knew she had to pull away from him. He let her go, and she settled herself back in her seat while he did the same.
"I'm sorry," she said after a moment. "It just reminded me of an accident I was in when I was a kid."
"Yeah?"
"My dad…he was an alcoholic and he was drunk one night but insisted on driving. He turned in front of a car and it plowed into us. I was five years old at the time. I broke my leg, and the driver of the other car was killed." It was that accident that got her father discharged from the marines. They were stationed in Yuma, Arizona at the time, and they ended up staying there. She'd heard Joe MacKenzie had moved to New Mexico after she had left, but he was living in California when he died of liver failure. She never saw him again after she left Yuma at seventeen, and it was Uncle Matt who had informed her of his death two and a half years ago. Matt had encouraged her to come to the small funeral he had arranged, though it was his sister who had been abused by the drunken man, but Mac couldn't make herself do it. She cited her concerns about missing classes when she had only just started law school, which Matt had accepted, thank goodness.
"Oh, honey, I'm so sorry," her passenger comforted. "That must have been so scary for a little girl."
Mac was surprised at the man's endearments, given they had only known each other about twenty minutes. It felt, though, like they had known each other forever. She felt completely safe around him, and if given the chance, she was ready to spill all her secrets.
That scared her. This wasn't her. She felt shaky and almost sick, and it wasn't just because of their near accident.
"You want me to drive?"
Mac looked over at him. "I-I'm okay. And your hotel is just down the street."
"You're still shaking. I don't mind. Here." He unbuckled his seatbelt again and opened the car door. "Slide over."
Mac did as she was told, all the while wondering why she was doing it. The man came around to the driver's side and got back in. He had to put the seat back, and he apologized for changing it. That was another thing she liked about him. He was tall, probably about six foot four, and being tall for a woman, Mac was drawn to men who wouldn't mind if she wore her high heels.
He put the car into gear, and they were on the way, arriving at the Hilton in less than two minutes. Once he stopped in front of the entrance, he turned to her and thanked her for the ride and the company. He almost looked sad to be leaving her, and God knew, she was sad to be leaving him. He reached over and shook her hand, and neither wanted to let go.
"Um, did you want to come up? I don't want you to drive if you're still upset."
"I'm not—yeah, I think I would." What am I doing, she thought to herself.
For his part, he looked relieved, flashing her a soft version of the grin she'd loved at first sight. He put the car into drive and then found them a parking space, then slid out his seat quickly and rushed around to open her door for her. He gave her his hand and helped her out, and, still hand in hand, they entered the hotel and rushed to the elevator. He was on the ninth floor, and it seemed to take forever to get there, but then suddenly she was standing before him in his darkened room.
His eyes were dark, like a stormy sea, and Mac's pulse quickened. His gaze was one of desire, and Mac knew she needed to make love to him. She needed him to make love to her.
They both moved at the same time, coming together with their bodies and their lips. They kissed hungrily, his tongue encouraging her mouth to open for him, while their hands moved over each other's bodies. His clothes were sticking to him, highlighting his muscular chest, and Mac felt herself growing wet. Oh, so wet. She could feel his erection growing against her belly and she couldn't resist pressing herself closer, trapping his rising cock between them. The man groaned, then hissed as she reached in between them to stroke against his tumescence.
Buttons flew, pants fell down, and the two left a trail of clothes to the bed. He lifted her up and set her down on it, then covered her naked body with his own.
His loving was exquisite, his touch gentle yet passionate. Throughout the night that followed, his hands mapped her body, his mouth doing the same. They kissed until their lips were swollen, they stroked each other's most private areas, and they loved. He made love to her breasts with his mouth, made love to her silken core, first with his fingers and then with his tongue, drawing out the most intense climaxes of her life. He drank from her, lapping up her sexual juices that poured from her with each shuddering orgasm, and made her come over and over. He brought out the woman in her so easily, and when he entered her with his manhood for the first time, she felt him all the way to the entrance of her womb. He was obviously a sensitive lover, for he allowed her time to adjust to his impressive length and girth. The room was filled with her whimpers and his moans as he tried to prolong their loving, and when he finally let go and came with a thunderous shout, she followed after. He collapsed on top of her, then rolled them over so she was stretched out of on top of his body.
They kissed that night as much as made love, making it all the sweeter for Mac. She lost count of how many times they came together in what was so much more than sex, loving as if they knew they wouldn't be able to be like this after tonight. Their hunger for each other grew and grew, and eventually condoms were forgotten, the lack of birth control ignored, for nothing could stop their need.
The next morning, Mac awoke to the feel of a strong male body against her back and an arm possessively wrapped around her middle. Her loving stranger was obviously deeply asleep, which gave her time to think—too much time to think.
Throughout her teenage years until she had left her father's home, she had been subjected to a constant barrage of her father's opinions of her character. He called her a slut, a whore, good for nothing but spreading her legs for any unfortunate bastard who wanted her. The truth was, she had had only two other partners, but each time she engaged in sex, those words would come back to haunt her.
In both of those relationships, however, she had dated the men a couple of months before finally letting them take her to bed. She'd never slept with anyone minutes after meeting them, and at the thought of her behavior the night before, she grew more and more embarrassed. What would her father say about this? Maybe she was a slut. No, she was a slut.
She had to get out of here.
Easing herself from the sleeping man's hold, she slid out of bed and gathered her clothes. She dressed quickly, then turned toward the door. She was about to open it when she realized she couldn't leave without one last look. Her steps slow and soft, she moved until she was once again by the bed. A single tear tracked its way down her cheek, knowing she would never see this beautiful man again. As she turned away, her eye caught a small pad of paper with the hotel logo on it on the desk.
She could at least write him a note.
Mac found a pen in the desk drawer, praying all the while that her stranger would not awaken. She bit the end of the pen as thought about what she should say, then finally put pen to paper.
To my beautiful stranger,
I feel like there's so much to say, and yet I'm finding it hard to put into words.
You gave me a night of love that I'll never forget. Nothing has ever felt this way,
and I doubt nothing ever will again. Thank you. You comforted me, a total stranger,
and then you gave me such a gift, a connection I wouldn't have ever believed possible.
I have to leave now, and though I know I have no right to ask this, but forgive me
for not waiting to say goodbye. I wish you all the luck in the world. I know next to
nothing about you, but I have no doubt you'll be a great lawyer. You are compassionate
and passionate at the same time, two very rare qualities in
this world.
All the best,
—S
Mac, with more and more tears falling down her cheeks, nearly ran from the room. She made sure to close the door silently, then rushed down the hall, taking the stairs so quickly she nearly fell twice. It was with great relief that she reached her car, and seconds later, she drove off into oblivion.
Mac was pulled from her reverie by footsteps coming down the hall, and soon, Eden's nanny made her appearance. Eden ran to her, and the young woman picked her up, making the little girl giggle when she kissed her cheek.
"Good morning, Mac."
"Hey, Katie, how did you sleep?"
"Good, thanks. I'm finally getting used to the city sounds."
Mac smiled. Eden's new nanny was from small town Virginia, though she'd been to DC many times. She had moved in just a week ago, and it had taken time for her to adjust to full city life.
"That's great, Katie." Mac took another look in the mirror, and, consulting her inner clock, she knew it was best she leave now to beat much of the traffic of the city. "Well, I need to get going. You have my cell and the number for JAG headquarters, right?"
"I do. Good luck on your first day, Major."
"Thanks. I'm going to need it."
Katie set her young charge down and waved her hand in front of her. "Nah, you'll do great."
"Thank you again. I'll try to call over the noon hour to check on things, all right?"
"Sounds good. Okay, Eden girl, time to say goodbye to your mommy."
Eden looked grumpy for a moment, but even at three she understood her mommy worked and couldn't always stay with her. She came up to her mother and wrapped tiny arms around Mac's legs. "Bye, Mommy."
"Goodbye, Duckling. I'll be back before you know it."
"Okay, Mommy."
With a grin, Mac was out the door.
Mac closed the door behind her, once again thanking the lord and Uncle Matt for allowing her to have a nanny, and a good one at that. Both Mac and Eden had instantly loved Katie Jenner, and now, after merely a week, she felt like family.
Family was something Mac was short on. She had her Uncle Matt, of course, but he was her only living relative as far as she knew. Deanne MacKenzie, her mother, could very well be alive, but ever since the woman had left her behind with an abusive father on her fifteenth birthday, Deanne had been dead to her.
Uncle Matt was her strongest supporter and had been since the day she was born. He was more of a father to her than her own had been, and it had been with his encouragement that she had joined the marines and gone to law school. Matt was a retired marine Colonel and he now lived in Texas. His wife, Mac's Aunt Susan, had died almost six years ago, leaving the two of them alone in the world.
When Mac had found out she was pregnant, she had been terrified. How would she ever be able to take care of a baby? On her own, no less. She had no idea the identity of her one-night lover, and telling Matt what she had done was the hardest thing she had ever had to do. She had waited for him to berate her, to tell her how disappointed he was in her, but instead he'd hugged her and told her he would do anything to help, and help he did. He paid most of the nanny's salary, and to give her a place to live that was adequate for a nanny and a baby, he subsidized her rent. Mac had tried to refuse, but her uncle insisted, telling her that her baby was the closest thing to a grandchild he'd ever have, and it would give him such pleasure if he was allowed to help.
Mac honestly did try to find her stranger. She asked the admission office and the student who had shown him around, but they apparently had short memories and poor records. She inquired about him at the Hilton, but it had been a good six weeks since the man had stayed there, and the only promising lead she had was the name of Jason Burnett. Unfortunately, Jason Burnett didn't seem to exist.
Mac was hoping her baby's father would decide to attend Duke University, but of course, he didn't. She researched an endless amount of law schools, but had no luck there either, and so, she had her baby on her own. She didn't want anything from the man who had fathered her child, but she did feel he deserved to know about the baby growing inside her.
The tiny Eden arrived three weeks early on an unseasonably warm November night, and Mac had instantly fallen in love with her. She could remember counting each of her little fingers and toes, totally in awe of the gift the stranger had given her. Mac was happy, so happy, and though it was hard, with the support of Uncle Matt, she had made it work.
Still, though, she despaired that she didn't know anything about Eden's father. She prayed a miracle would happen, that he would one day return to her life. Deep in her heart, she knew the man who had made love to her once upon a time would love his daughter too.
With a sigh, Mac did her best to shrug off her memories and fears, then headed toward Falls Church where her new assignment awaited her.
It was a lovely day. She had discovered that the crew at headquarters was more of a family than a group of coworkers. Her new CO, the JAG himself, was a gruff yet fatherly figure, and her fellow officers were exceedingly welcoming. Today, she was meeting them all at a picnic organized by Lt. Roberts' girlfriend and fellow officer, Harriet Sims. Harriet was an energetic blonde and had been among the first to embrace Mac as one theirs.
Mac was excited yet apprehensive about the day. The crew would meet Eden today, which she looked forward to, but Mac would be meeting her new partner. Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr had been on assignment on one of the carriers, but he had returned the night before and had promised he would come to the park today according to Harriet. He was a relatively new lawyer, but he was said to be an amazing litigator. Mac couldn't deny she felt a little intimidated.
Once she arrived, Mac had immediately searched the crowd for an unfamiliar face, but thus far Harmon Rabb was nowhere to be found. She asked Harriet if the man had begged off, but the younger woman had just laughed and told her the commander was always late.
Nearly an hour later, her future partner had still not arrived, and Mac decided she would give him another thirty minutes. Eden was obviously tired after charming everyone there, so Mac knew she could not stay any longer than that.
Finally, five minutes before Mac planned to leave, she heard everyone greeting a newcomer. Shading her eyes from the sun, she looked up to see someone strangely familiar. She couldn't see his face, but there was something about his stance…
Mac stood up from the blanket Harriet had spread out for Eden to nap on, then picked up her daughter. The little girl buried her face in Mac's neck as her mother slowly made her way to the newest guest of the picnic.
Thirty seconds later, Mac realized why the man seemed so familiar.
It was him.
The man with whom she had shared the most incredible night of love. The man who had gifted her her daughter.
Her hand shaking, she held it out to the one she now knew as Harmon Rabb, while she balanced his daughter on her other arm.
"So, that's what the 'S' stands for," he said quietly as he grasped her hand. "Sarah."
"And you're Harmon."
"My friends call me Harm."
"My friends call me Mac."
"Mac."
"Harm."
They both spoke at once, then chuckled awkwardly.
"I'm sorry," Mac whispered as he dropped her hand.
"For what?" Harm spoke equally soft.
"For leaving that way. For not even telling you my name or saying goodbye."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I-I don't know."
Harm shrugged. "Well, I didn't tell you my name either." He then motioned to Eden. "So, you have a little girl now."
Mac nodded. And so do you. She almost said something then, but she decided that was best discussed in private.
"What's her name?"
"Eden. Eden Quinn," Mac answered, holding her breath as she studied the man before her. It seemed impossible, but he was even more handsome. He had filled out a bit, and his face held an intriguing maturity he hadn't possessed the last time she had seen him.
"That's pretty," Harm commented. He looked down for a moment then raised his eyes once again to her. "I think about you a lot."
"You do?" Mac replied with surprise. Her cheeks blushed a delicate pink. "I think about you too."
"We should…can you…I…uh oh, it looks like your little girl is waking up."
Sure enough, Eden had started to stir. Mac's heart began to pound in her chest. Would he know just by looking at her?
A moment later, Mac had her answer.
Eden turned her face away from her mother's neck, then lifted her head to look right at him.
Harm instantly paled, and Mac knew he'd just seen his own eyes staring back at him.
End Chapter 1