Saint Motel - My Type

Nina Simone - My Baby Just Cares For Me

Muse - Madness

Queen - Somebody To Love

Pat Benatar - Shadows Of The Night

OneRepublic - Something I Need

One Direction - What Makes You Beautiful

OMD - If You Leave

No Doubt - Want You To Want Me

Meredith Brooks - What Would Happen If We Kissed

Madonna - Open Your Heart to Me

lovelytheband - broken

Chapter 14

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be." - Douglas Adams

When she woke, it was dark enough that she didn't quite realize this was not her room. It was too big for one. The sheets are too soft for another. The dark was warm, solid, and gentle. She was never afraid of the dark as a child, always closing her door to sleep rather than crying about the monsters in her closet.

The room however, was familiar. Familiar enough that when she rose from her bed, she found slippers and robes well enough in the dark and made her way to the door without tripping or falling. She opened the door to find a guard, her evening guard, and not Thorin's standing at attention.

She sighed as her guard, startled by her opening the door, said, "your grace!" Far too loudly in the royal wing. If he woke the girls.

She put her finger to her lips, "shh," the young dwarf nodded, putting his own hand over his mouth. "Where is the king?"

The young dwarf hesitated. "He remains in his study, your grace. Shall I escort you?"

She pulled her robe closed, tying it with a loose knot. "If you would be so kind."

Despite the fact that she is queen, and despite the fact she has given Thorin two children, there are still pockets of dwarves who wouldn't mind shoving the queen from a walkway. You do not go anywhere without your guard or one of us, Thorin, Dwalin, Balin and every other member of the company told her.

"Of course your grace."

Two hallways later, there was Thorin's personal guard standing sentinel at the king's royal study. He bowed to her as she approached with her own guard.

"Has he eaten at all?" She asked in a whisper.

"No, your grace, he has refused. Not that milords Bombur and Balin did not try. Master Dwalin has come and gone thrice now."

Damn it. "One of you find someone down in the kitchens, bring some of the honey cinnamon butter and whatever bread there is. Tea as well. Please and thank you."

Thorin's guard hesitated. "My lady, when he's like this…"

"It's an illness like a cold or fever, I will be fine."

"He had enough of a mind to tell me not to let you in, your grace."

"Mmm, but you can no more deny your queen than you can your king. You, go fetch someone to bring us food. You," she pointed at Thorin's guard, "fetch Dwalin. He's probably running night suicide drills with the new recruits at the outer wall." Both dwarves hesitated. "Am I your queen or not?"

They bowed, uttering, "yes your grace." Before taking off running in opposite directions.

Erdene pushed open the door to Thorin's study into the low light of a candle and the glitter of gold. Small stacks of it decorating a variety of surfaces. There was a soft clink, clink, clink from the other end of the room where the dark had overtaken the light.

"You should not be here, wife." Thorin's voice was tired, tinged with a variety of things. Self loathing among them.

She closed the door behind her. "That you think that is the perfect reason I should be here." She stepped away from the door and into the darkness where her husband sat. Gold glittering off the light of the candle as she approached with it in hand.

Erdene knelt beside his chair, setting the candle aside and taking one of his hands. "You haven't eaten, Thorin. And it's been a whole day and night since you came to bed." His fingers curled around hers though he made no other move. Not even to look at her. "We promised, never would you fight this alone again."

His other hand sifted through the coins on the counting table. Erdene reached for the same hand, holding hers palm up within his view. Thorin made no move to take it. She waited, her hand on his left knee, and maintained watching him sift through the gold on the table.

It took Thorin several long moments to see her hand, to recognize it was his wife. In the meantime Dwalin had arrived and someone had brought food.

His brow furrowed as he stared at her hand, then the gold shimmering in the low candle light, and then her hand again. His hand hovered near a small stack of gold coins. Her hand remained where it was, distracting him from the shine of coins.

Erdene let go of the breath she was holding when his fingers slid against hers. "Thank you for coming, Dwalin." But I think we are safe. The words went unsaid but hung there between them anyway.

Dwalin nodded, "I'll see you both back to your quarters my lady." He unlocked and pushed open the door, tipping his head at the nervous servant standing with the royal evening guards. "Take the food to the King and Queen's quarters, get a fire going."

While Thorin rose to standing with his wife, everyone else moved.

Erdene did not take her eyes off her husband, nor he her. Thorin pushed errant curls behind her small ears. He stroked her neck, arms, shoulders, touching her much like he had the gold. She leaned into his touch, kissing his palm as he stroked the skin of her right cheek. His other hand came to her neck, again stroking her chin, the column of her throat, stroking her pulse point and the skin of her collarbone.

Erdene caught movement from Dwalin. He had every right to be nervous.

Thorin's obsession with gold was only rivaled by his need for her. It wouldn't have been the first time he inadvertently harmed her. Thorin's hands strayed everywhere, touching her intimately despite the audience. She pushed up the inch or so between their heights and sealed her mouth over his, earning her a kiss that left her breathless and him somewhat hard against her belly.

"Come on husband, back to bed." Tugging gently on his hand, Erdene led him back to their quarters, escorted by the guards and Dwalin. The tea table was set when they returned, the fire in the fireplace lit. Erdene escorted her husband to the table, kissing him once before pushing him gently toward his chair.

"Sit, I'll make us a cup in a moment." He didn't fight her. He didn't hesitate. Thank god. Maybe they caught it early enough to stop him from backsliding.

She went to Dwalin who had maintained a healthy distance.

"I'll stay for a bit." Dwalin told her in low tones as she walked with him back to the door.

"If I scream," she murmured with a tired, cheeky grin, "don't go busting the door down."

He snorted softly. "Lass, by now I know the difference between your good screams and your terrified ones." Still he looked to his king, his brother in arms, before meeting amber eyes again. "You'll call if you need, aye?"

She nodded, patting his shoulder. "I promise."

Still, Dwalin hesitated before leaving. Erdene did not lock the door after him. Thorin, like this, in the stages of gold sickness, he lost track of things. Time, his own strength. It would take Dwalin to stop him if he didn't come out of it.

Thorin told her once before, he would not survive harming her irreparably. Dwalin had his orders, as did the guards. She had a feeling he meant he didn't want to survive harming her.

Erdene went back to the tea table where they normally took their breakfast. Just the two of them before the world at large and their babies began to demand their attention. She eased her robe off her shoulders, draping it over the back of her chair before stepping into the space between Thorin's splayed thighs.

He stared into the low fire the servant had begun, his gaze distant and empty. The fire threw dark shadows on his face. She stroked the fingers of one hand down his cheek, "Thorin?'

His gaze rose, blue eyes lit by the fire, roaming her face. The remote, distant quality gone in exchange for a mild confusion. "Erdene." He looked at the table before him, then to her and then at the table again. "What time is it?"

"Late, or early depending." She touched his face, his cheek, chin, neck. "You've been a little gold sick, Thorin. You haven't eaten or slept in over a day."

His confusion bled into annoyance. "Did anyone see me?"

"The royal night guards, Dwalin and the servant who brought the food. Balin and Bombur earlier. Possibly your day guards, not mine." She murmured, her hands settling on his shoulders. "Would you have preferred I set you on fire again? That worked the last time."

He scowled half-heartedly at her. "Once was enough, wife." His hands went to her hips, drawing her down into his lap. "Mahal, what did I do to deserve your patience and persistence?" He pressed his forehead to hers, stroking her hips and back gently.

She nuzzled his nose, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "We got married, had kids, have really ridiculously fantastic sex," he growled a bit at that and pulled her closer so she was pressed against his chest, "and we love each other."

His hands delved into her hair. "Aye, you're too good for me. I let it come for me again."

"It's no worse than my anxiety or panic attacks, Thorin." She chided gently. And he'd seen plenty of those."Eat something then come to bed. Tomorrow we're having a mental health day."

He hummed, thumbs stroking her hips and the tops of her thighs, "avoid our responsibilities and spend all day with the twins?" Erdene set her arms around his neck, kissing him with a gentle passion that made him groan. He leaned into it, into her, "Mahal…"

She pushed out of his lap, much to his disappointment. "Food and tea first, sex after if you don't fall asleep you old goat."

Thorin gave her a half hearted glare. "I'll show you old."

"Mmm," Erdene distanced herself before he could grab her. "It has been a while since you put me over your knee." She set herself down opposite him in her seat. "Or I tied you to the bed."

In the fire light his blue eyes, dark with promises, "if you employ those flimsy silk ropes, wife, I will rip them apart. Again."

Flushing pink, Erdene rolled her eyes at him.

Sitting up in bed, Erdene glowered at her reflection. Fifty dollar bags under her eyes and her mop of curls going every which way. She needed to cut her damn hair. Her last haircut was this past January in her world. Heaving a sigh, she grabbed her phone and turned off her alarm.

The sun wasn't even up yet.

In the dark, not even a candle lit, Erdene changed into her indigo tunic and brown leggings. Only one person awake, she could hear Warren's heavier footsteps as he padded down the short hallway to the stairs and then down the stairs themselves. Of course it was Warren. He hadn't been pleased with her showing up with the money owed on Cathy's life last night.

Warren demanded to know where she got the money in the first place.

Declining to tell him about Thorin, because that was not information Warren needed to have in his possession, Erdene told him she would be paying the debt.

He had the audacity to say, "the debt you created."

She sneered at him in return, "the debt you created when you decided to put greed above the welfare of your children."

The man must have been drunk, there was an open bottle of wine on the counter but she hadn't seen a glass. He was already seated at the table when she walked in. Mournfully looking at his wife's empty chair. The same chair none of his family sat in.

"You're not their mother," he spat back at her.

She might as well be. "No, I'm not. If I was, I'd have your head for trying to sell my child. Sober up Warren, I'll pay the bastard tomorrow." So that was where she was going. The girls gave her the address last night once Warren passed out.

Erdene, prepared to have an argument again with Warren, walked out of her room, down the stairs and found two mugs of tea waiting. Warren seated in one chair across from the steaming mug of tea in front of an empty chair. Her eyebrows rose. "Warren."

He nodded at her. "Sit, please."

Warily, she sat.

"You're not like other women, Erdene," he said slowly after a moment of silence.

No. She wasn't.

"You must understand, I did what I did because I believed he would take care of Catherine. She's too young to be left on her own and I'm getting older. Her sisters won't be able to care for her and themselves and their families-" He said without waiting for her to speak.

Erdene gave a derisive snort, "what kind of garbage is that? Why wouldn't they be able to take care of themselves? Oh, wait, right, you and the rest of the world never taught them anything beyond how to be dependent on someone else." He was silent, staring at her yet again like he'd never seen her before. The horrible thing is, he was taught this by his family and them by their family. He was a product of his environment and his society. She was cutting through centuries of bullshit. Of course it would get on her at some point. "Give someone a fish, you feed them for a day. Teach them to fish, you feed them for the rest of their lives."

Warren's voice was hesitant as he looked at her. Watched her. "Are you going to teach my girls?"

Erdene pushed her untouched mug across the table to him. "I'm already teaching your girls." She stood, shoving the chair back, walked to the front door and walked out of the house.

After delivering fifteen gold to a groggy servant and an equally groggy master - Erdene had not been polite or quiet about delivering the money and demanding the marriage contract so she could shred it in her hands - she marched herself over to a bakery and ate her feelings. Quite literally. She downed two blueberry muffins that were made with dried and chopped blueberries as the season was very much over. One honey scone followed both muffins. No more supermarkets with fresh food every day. Damn did she miss Earth.

She also bought a small bag of oats and bakery scraps. It felt weird having cash for whatever when she hadn't for months. Back in Sparks, yes, money had been tight but she had money. Her bills got paid. She had her savings from when she and Monica lived together though she never dipped into it. After Santi took his name off their joint checking and left, she could have stayed in Las Vegas for another few months before she had to find a new roommate or two.

Monica always wanted Erdene to end up with Diego, Monica's eldest brother. Six foot three, with close cropped brown hair, deep brown skin like their mother Paula and truly gorgeous black eyes. The only problem with Diego was that he wasn't interested in Erdene, nor she with him. They got along but they didn't click. Erdene clicked with Santiago, the second eldest. Six foot two, so many muscles he could break a watermelon open with his thighs, long almost black hair that he kept in a low bun. And those beautiful black eyes that seemed to always be on her.

When she was dating Caleb, Santi had been respectful of her space. Hands off. The occasional flirting when Caleb wasn't present.

It was the Cinco De Mayo after she and Caleb broke up that Santi made his move.

She was wearing red twill shorts that came to her upper thighs with a pale pink racerback tank top. It was hotter than Satan's balls, but it always was in southern Nevada at that time of year. Monica painted Erdene's nails and toes a gorgeous pearlescent white that shimmered in the sun. Her hair was all drawn up on top of her head with artfully placed curls loose around her face.

"Que linda! Mi amor," Abuela pulled both Monica and Erdene in for hugs while rapid fire demanding to know why neither of them visit more in Spanish.

Monica tried desperately to keep up as abuela led them into the house. Music was going in the backyard, streamers and lights and most of Monica's family were already drinking. The grill was going and the air smelled like roasted deliciousness.

Half a tick after they're through the door to the back yard, tío Michael put a plate with an empanada, two shrimp tacos con límon crema, and a giant dollop of tía Francesca's guacamole in Erdene's hands. The Rivera family never gave a good goddamn about Erdene's weight. Abuela once complained Erdene was too skinny.

Papa Antonio, Monica's father, put a dark red margarita that smelled entirely of Don Julio into her other hand and winked at her. "You're legal now mija, no more sneaking it when you think I don't see."

Almost as red as her drink, Erdene tried to look for a seat. Tried and saw nothing. Every available space had people. Monica had disappeared and her family was asking Erdene where Caleb was.

"We broke up," she told tía Donna and tía Gabriella at the same time. The look those two old biddies shared. One disappeared while the other took her food so she could sip her drink.

It was while she was attempting to juggle her drink and her food that Santi appeared at her right elbow and maneuvered her to the seat under the kitchen window by the fan. He was silent about the whole thing until she found the din of the party drowned out by the white noise of the fan. He sat alongside her, long legs stretched out before him, crossed at the ankle. Both of his very long arms along the back of the bench.

"You broke it off with the gringo." He murmured in her ear. His breath on the skin of her ear made her shiver.

She rolled her eyes at him. He never liked Caleb. Santi was polite to Caleb, nothing more. "I broke up with him because he's moving away."

Santi's answering grin told her a lot. "Good." He got up and came back with a bottle of water for her.

"Santi," she said, eyeing him.

His thumb swiped across her lower lip, wiping away some límon crema. He brought the same thumb to his mouth and sucked the crema off. A shrug followed, and a small sexy smile. He leaned over whispering into her ear, "You're still going to be mine tonight, little bruja."

Santi hadn't been wrong. He'd been fucking cocky about it too. He stayed next to her the whole rest of the afternoon into the evening. Topping up her drink. Getting her water. Making sure she ate to compensate for what she drank.

And she never moved away from him. Because Santi was hot. Santi wanted her. He always wanted her. And she was always curious to see if he could make good on all the things he wanted to do to her.

By nine the party was so loud it was blowing out her ears. He took her around the side of the house so her anxiety wouldn't make her panic. He sat in abuelo's rocking chair, pulled Erdene into his lap and grinned at her like he knew she couldn't resist.

He wasn't wrong about that either. She leaned in and kissed him and he kissed her. He took over the kiss quickly, demanding entrance to her mouth with a talented tongue that made her tremble and shiver despite the evening heat. His big hands stroked up her arms, one hand lodging in her hair and the other moving down her back to grip her ass. He drew her closer, higher on his lap. Ground his hardening cock into her pussy. "You going to let me fuck you tonight little bruja, or you going to make me work for it?"

Bruja. He always called her little bruja. He told her later, because she must have enchanted him to make him want her the way he did.

She was moaning in his lap. "Santi…"

"Yes or no?" He asked, his fingers moving in slowly steady circles at the base of her spine just above where her tail bone was.

She wasn't drunk, a little buzzed but not drunk. He made sure she had water, food, and brought her fruit when tía Louisa brought out desserts. Erdene moaned again as he moved her hips against his.

How long had he been waiting for her to break up with Caleb?

Santi stopped moving her hips in time with his, the same hand tipped her bowed head up. "Need to hear you say yes. I'm all in if you have a rough kink baby, but first I need to hear yes."

She bit her lower lip, gaze strayed to the party still going with loud music. Everyone having an amazing night. She's never been with anyone but Caleb.

He too turned his head, the long line of his neck, a slight sheen of sweat. She leaned in, lapping at his pulse, biting lightly at his chin before whispering, "take me to your place." Santi shot his sister a text and took Erdene back to his place.

They ended up together for nearly six years. Then Monica disappeared.

Erdene rounded the corner toward the plaza. Fuck. Why am I thinking about Santi?

Because she missed him sometimes. She missed who he was and the way he made her feel. Technically they never actually broke up. He blamed himself for taking overtime at the warehouse the night Monica went missing. He never said it but he blamed Erdene for Monica disappearing too.

He told her when he asked if she'd received any texts that night. He told her when he'd go through her phone sometimes. He told her when he began taking all of his things home. He told her when he handed back the key to the apartment.

She wasn't invited to any more family events. Monica's parents stopped calling her. And her secondary family evaporated overnight. She saw tía Louisa at Target one day and when Erdene waved at the older woman, Louisa crossed herself and all but ran in the opposite direction.

Erdene broke the lease and moved north. Anything was better than what she was living through. Another family, sister, parents, grandparents, brother, and potential husband gone.

Santi asked her not a month before Monica went missing if she preferred sapphires or emeralds.

And her heartbeat went wild.

Why? She asked him

He'd given her that sexy, crooked smile of his. His secretive one. He'd leaned over and kissed her. Met a bruja I might want to marry.

Beats, otherwise known as Beatrice or Betty to those she loved, stood with Judith Feldman, owner of Off The Page Books & Coffee Bar in the small kitchen where Erdene went missing back in April. It looked exactly like the background in some of Ery's Instagram pics.

Judith, frail and fragile looking, coughing hard into her handkerchief - there are red bits in her phlegm, the radiation treatment hadn't worked - stood off to the side quietly. The store had closed for over a week when Erdene disappeared. Judith was the one to call the police. She hadn't heard anything. The cameras outside the store hadn't caught anything. Erdene's Kawasaki remained leaning up against the back of the building. Her katana still sat in Judith's office. Her gym bag and large canvas purse were gone.

With no leads, and seeing as Judith's body was under too much stress from radiation treatments to even drive herself around some days, there were no suspects. The case went cold almost as quickly as Erdene disappeared.

Judith took Erdene's things home with her and waited for someone from Erdene's family to reach out. She didn't think it would take almost seven months to hear something. She didn't think of ever meeting Betty before she passed.

Betty did want to meet Judith. Just not this way.

"She was standing here," Betty repeated, her hip nearly touching the sink.

Judith nodded, "right there. I was offering her a shot. She laughed and told me she would be right there. I walked back into my office." It was the same thing she told the police repeatedly. It was the same thing she told the news when they showed interest. Despite pumping the thermostat at nearly eighty degrees, Judith shivered. She pulled the heavy button up sweater tighter over her thermal t-shirt and watched Erdene's cousin touch everything.

The young woman's hands moved over the metal rim of the sink, touching the nozzle, the inside of the sink and then the soap dispenser. "Ery's IQ is 177. She should have been working for a tech startup in Silicon Valley, what was she doing working here?"

If she hadn't been facing the specter of death for the last two months, Judith might have been a little bit more offended. As it was, she could only shrug. Funny thing about knowing your death is coming, it makes everything else seem to matter less. "I couldn't tell you. The news asked me too. All that I know is after Santiago left and Monica disappeared, Erdene came to Sparks. She interviewed, I hired her."

And Judith saw the young woman's potential. Erdene Thoroughfare had so much to give. She was such a sweet child, good natured, and kind with a good head on her shoulders. Smart as a whip, though this was the first she heard of Erdene's IQ. Judith had been planning to leave Erdene her house and the bookstore.

Now she was selling the books at a discount to close the store out. Her house was sold, the several hundred thousand put in a trust. The same would be done with the store funds once the escrow was done. This would be a TutorTime in six months.

That is why she allowed Betty one last go through of the kitchen.

Judith saw the pictures of Betty in her wedding dress almost ten months ago. The woman at the sink looked very different. The Betty of Augusta, Georgia had been tall, slim, with smooth peaches and cream skin, and long blonde hair. She looked every bit the sweet young bride.

This person had short, pixie cut dyed green and purple hair, a small silver nose ring with a tiny bead of Morticia and Gomez Adams on it, ripped washed out black skinny jeans, an oversized smoke gray hoodie that dwarfed her emblazoned with a band logo in what looked like (to Judith) German, and hot pink converse.

Betty scrubbed one hand through her hair. She hadn't slept much on the flight. It took forever for the train to arrive at the station and then she had to endure the ride to Vienna to catch her flight to Heathrow. She had a layover of two hours in Heathrow then she landed in JFK where she had another layover of three hours. From there she took another flight to Reno International Airport and caught an Lyft to Sparks and Judith's store.

Her eyes were tired. Her brain was tired. Foggy and tired and she needed to eat something. Technically her last meal had been donuts yesterday evening in JFK. Hell, she hadn't even taken off her backpack yet.

She looked at her watch, it was a couple of minutes to eight. Judith had been kind enough to open up the store just for her. She sighed, rubbing her hand over her face too. "You guys were closing up for the night, right?"

Judith nodded, motioning to the sink. "She was washing the dishes. She asked me to give her a moment and she'd be right in." Except Erdene never came into the office. It took Judith a good five minutes to realize that. She'd gotten up, walked into the kitchen and found Erdene gone. Just a copy of the book Erdene had been reading earlier sat to the side, the same place it sat now. A green soft cover of The Hobbit with a Sindarin primer printed from home folded over where Erdene had left off.

Betty picked it up just as Judith was thinking about it. "Ery read this to me I don't know how many times. Lord of the Rings too." She smiled, turning it over in her hands, "I loved when she did the voices. You know she took me to see all three movies in the theater? She didn't care that she'd already seen them, she took me because she wanted me to love Tolkien's work too. Didn't matter if she just finished finals or she had a midterm coming up, she flew to Georgia come hell or high water."

Smiling softly, Judith nodded. She had a similar experience when she mentioned not having read The Hobbit or The Lord of the Rings. Erdene practically sat Judith down with Erdene's extended editions for a month and they watched every day Erdene worked at lunch time. They closed the store for an hour for months just to finish it all. "Erdie was like that. Always giving."

Snorting, "she's a pisces with a gemini rising. Giving and not taking back when she should, stubborn as hell, talks too much, flirts like she was born doing it - fuck." Betty tapped the spine of the book gently on the metal rim of the sink. On a whim, she turned on the water watching it fill the sink. It didn't drain.

Weird. Stopper must be stuck.

"Judith," Betty said, pushing her right sleeve up and back, the book still in her left hand. She pungled her right hand into the sink to move the stopper and drain the bit of water, "do you think th-"

CRACK

The seventeenth of October, typically an evening he would spend in celebration with his family, loomed ever imposing despite being nearly another two weeks away. Dís worked to transform the small estate to something that should represent a royal family. He signed so many bank notes today before he left, his eyes felt as if they were crossing. Which was a feat only his sister could manage.

Cake, flowers, additional servants, favors, wine, an additional cook for the day, Mahal's great hammer, what kind of madness caused this havoc?

His own stubbornness did.

Thorin rounded the corner and for the second time, Erdene was there before him. This time she wore pale brown boots that came to her knees and her cream colored coat.

She sat with her back against a stone wall, throwing crumbs to the crows, starlings, sparrows, robins and cardinals who in turn gathered and squawked at one another while they devoured their meal. One of the starlings, a brave creature, hopped onto one of her bent knees to cry at her for more. Erdene held out her cupped hand, allowing the starling to pluck choice bits.

None of the birds seemed to pay him any mind when he approached. The starling on her knee was accepting small gentle strokes on its back. He crouched, his elbows on his knees.

"I have never seen you feed birds before."

Blue-gray eyes rose to meet his, a small smile curling the corners of her mouth. "I haven't had spare money to buy bird food until today."

So small an amount set his one free to do as she wished. Mahal's breath. What would she say if he told her he could give her more money than she could ever spend? That he could bathe her in gems and jewels and gold for the rest of her life. Their lives.

He is 194. She is thirty. He could very well spend the rest of his life with her and she with him. Long beards, Durin's Folk, his people lived anywhere between 250 and 300. He doubted he would outlive her if she truly was his one.

Dying of a broken heart was not uncommon among the elderly.

He blinked as the morning sun picked up the red in her dark hair. Mahal's beard, the want to dig his fingers into her curls. His hands formed fists on his knees. What he would give to have her let him wash and braid her hair. He understood now why intricate hair braiding between couples took so long. He could not imagine not making love to her once he was allowed to touch her once she was his.

He had no idea that while he gazed at her in the orange glow of dawn, Erdene was thinking along the same lines. She took in the lines of a face that still looked like a man in his mid-forties. She has always been attracted to men older than her. Erdene found herself wanting to lean across and plant one on him. Place her left hand over his on his knee, lean in and see if he closed the distance between them.

But…she looked down at the little bird hopping around on her knee to keep pecking at the food in her palm. He didn't react well to her trying to touch him last time. She didn't want a repeat of last time. Even if he said the cause was something else.

"I like birds," she told him in low tones, as if she were trying not to disturb the creatures at their feet. "I like most animals, but I've always loved birds." She used to dream she was a bird, and her grandparents had her in a gilded cage. "I used to feed them back home when I was working. There was a park across the street. There was this raven, he was so pretty. Almost blue-black in color." She stroked the back of the small starling who seemed not to care in the slightest. "I named him Blue. He answered to it. Used to bring my shiny gifts. I hope someone is feeding him."

Truly? A raven.

Ocean again he wondered if perhaps there were darrow in her ancestry. He chose his next words carefully. "You are not darrow, are you Erdene?"

Her gaze rose from the birds to meet his again. Blue-green now. Honestly, he would have no idea, but she was beginning to question things. "Not that I know of."

It would be so much easier if she was. He could ask someone to dig into her family history and find a single tie to a drop of nobility. He watched the way she pet the starling who very much enjoyed having its tail feathers gently stroked. For an instant, he wondered how she would look with a raven on her arm.

The Valar could not make this easy.

The bells began to ring. Seventh bell. It reminded him once more she was here much earlier than she was normally. Thorin stood, and as he did he held out his right hand to her. To help her up. To feel her skin against his. Her small cool fingers, a lower body heat than a dwarf.

Her lower lip pinched between her teeth, she looked at his hand, then his face and his hand again. Had he scared her so the evening before last that now she would not touch him? Their fingers brushed not three nights ago (he had ignored the distinct feeling of a pleasant coolness at the time). Had his accursed temper done so much damage to their friendship already? In the heartbeat before he thought to drop his hand, her fingers hesitantly slid into his.

He released a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. As he helped her to stand, once more, her gaze dropped and now he was quite certain she had, was, looking at his mouth.

And, just as quickly, her attention and attitude shifted. Her hand dropped his almost before she was standing. She tucked both hands into her coat pocket - he never thought he would miss that damned cloak of hers.

"Sorry, cold hands." Came her reasoning.

Mahal. Did she feel what he felt? The tug below his ribs where her voice strummed his name. Did he do the same to her?

Did she dream as he did?

Meanwhile, Erdene was thinking about her dreams. The dreams were beginning to weigh heavy on her. That's why she left the house so early. They were a confusing, steady reminder that she wanted someone she couldn't have. And her brain just ran with it. Three of them in a week.

It was torture.

Because the Thorin in her dreams loved her. Because the Thorin in her dreams made her want to stay in bed and hope he wrapped those big warm arms around her again. Dream Thorin kissed her like he couldn't get enough of her. Wanted more of her.

Standing this close she could feel the heat radiating off of him. In the morning cold it made her want to push up against him. If she were braver, bolder she would just say fuck it. She would take one more step, throw her arms around his neck and see if maybe he would take the hint.

Instead she took one large step backward. This isn't fair, I shouldn't be falling for someone I can't be with. "Have a good day Master Oakenshield."

She played slow music today. The sweet and the sad and the melancholy. It fit her mood. Shadow Academy's White Whale, Madly from the Cyrano soundtrack, Glass Animals Agnes, MSMr's Bones and Cue the Strings by Low again, stomping her heel to mimic a heartbeat.

Thorin paused in his work to listen to it. He leaned one shoulder against the wall of one of the archways to the shop, his arms crossed over his chest, pipe in his mouth as he smoked. Watching her with those blue, blue eyes of his.

Even a dead woman would have noticed him.

Why, why was he working at a human blacksmith's?

It doesn't matter. None of your business. You have other shit to do.

What other shit? There was no other shit. She played music in the plaza now to line her own pocket and pay her rent to Warren. Thorin took care of that for her. And she adored him for it.

Which was really fucking depressing.

Because he wasn't hers.

This morning, when he was looking at her while she fed birds, it felt like they were all the world was. Just them, a bunch of birds and nothing else. Then the bells chimed and she had to remind herself that Thorin wasn't hers. He showed zero interest in her.

That damn perfectly unemotional mask of his had cracked once in her presence. Once, yesterday evening when he gave her the money to pay off the debt, when he looked just as tired and upset as she felt. Then it was gone again behind that stupid fucking mask he kept on his face all day. The one that was no doubt trained into him to protect him from the court at large. Which made her even angrier because again, he's royalty and she's not.

She's not darrow.

She's not royal.

She's not noble.

She's nobody.

As if the weather knew her mood, light gray clouds had rolled in and the winds took on an icy feel. Jack Frost nipped at her skin, even though it was still technically daylight. People were bundling their coats as they passed. As the minutes ticked by it was getting steadily colder. She finished off with the song she'd been playing, A-Ha's Take On Me.

Maybe she should talk to Valis tomorrow? Get an idea of how darrow showed interest in a significant other. Or maybe just give up on him. He was King Under the Mountain and quite possibly engaged to be married or maybe he had a marriage contract contingent on retaking Erebor.

No.

No, Thorin doesn't think about taking Erebor before March fifteenth of the year the company actually leaves. Gandalf the Grey meets him (Erdene theorized Gandalf [or Azog and Blog] lured Thorin out by spreading the rumor about seeing Thorin's father in Dunland) in Bree at the Prancing Pony.

She just had no idea what year that was.

Looking up, squinting, she caught the roll of clouds pushing inward from the mountains. More rain. But the air didn't taste like ozone yet. Yet people were leaving. Her purse sat looking pitiful with only a small deposit of silver and copper. People preferred the upbeat stuff. No wonder Taylor Swift makes so much money.

The dark almost felt like it was creeping at the edges of the buildings and the torch lighters were either very early or her sense of time had warped. Christ almighty. What she wouldn't give to have a good look at AccuWeather right now. Without her fingerless gloves (Valis did say it would take a day more), her hands were starting to feel the cold too.

She picked up her makeshift case, mentally reminding herself once more to buy a new one or have a new one made. Now that she had money. Or could save money rather. Thanks to Thorin.

Erdene did tell her brain to tell her eyes not to look in his direction, her body just would not listen. Her attention strayed to the darkly clad, god he looked good in blue and black, dwarf hard at work. Forearms, wrists, big hands, and that single minded focus. The shirt was a brighter, closer to cerulean blue shirt, but the pants were the same.

He glanced away from his work to see her. Beautiful blue eyes met her gaze. The smallest nod. The slightest curl to that ridiculously gorgeous mouth.

What would kissing him feel like? Her heartbeat stuttered. Would he be restrained and reserved like he usually was? Would he tender and gentle? Would he back her up against the wall and devour her body and soul?

The kisses they shared in her dreams ranged from barely restrained need to gentle, familiar passion. In all her life, not with the handful of boys she tried to date before she met Caleb and not with any of the men she tried to date after Santi, had she ever been kissed the way Thorin kissed her in her dreams.

You are not allowed to fall for Thorin. They're just dreams.

Erdene wasn't quite sure how they got onto the subject. A few moments ago they were definitely talking about something else. "Oh, no. I can't sew to save my life. I've tried. It ends up with my fingers bloody and a dozen tiny holes in my fingers. When I was nine, I think, my grandmama found," home work from home economics. She had to take the required high school classes to graduate. Even though she was nine. Apparently knowing how to sew, cook, and clean dishes were more of a priority than learning how to balance your budget. "This stuffed doll I was trying to make and my grandmama thought I murdered a small rodent." She blew out a small puff of air that formed a small cloud in the cold.

He cannot keep himself from laughing. Thorin could only imagine the scene, his one, a tiny child, bandaged fingers and a small stuffed toy. His imagination conjured a small cloth doll with patchy red stains. What he would have given to know her then.

"There are some things I'm good at," she went on, "working with large sums in my head, remembering how to do something I've only done once with perfect recall, but I can't do traditional things like sew, paint, or dance."

He paused, "you cannot dance?"

She cocked her head at him. "That's what you took away from this conversation?" She admitted being able to tabulate the GDP of Arda in her head but all he heard was the physical activity.

Guys, didn't matter if they were human or dwarf.

"I mean, yes, if I know the music and I can feel the beat I can move to it," and if Santi's reaction to her hips swinging to Despacito was any indication, then she wasn't too bad at it either. "But dancing to something with set steps, no. Not without a strong partner…" it is not her imagination, the intense interest in his gaze when she turned her attention toward Thorin. Swallowing, Erdene averted her gaze, "leading."

That. Whatever the hell that was, it's new. He hasn't looked at her with any kind of interest before. She felt a blush staining her cheeks, ears and chest. Thank god for the cold and the dark and her long hair. Head bowed, she shrugged.

It's barely a heartbeat before he said, "I can dance, though I have not had occasion to for a very long time." Mahal help him. He cannot know if she knows unless he asks. "I have not had the desire to find a partner before."

Before?

Before.

Before what? Before now? Before he was whatever age he is now? Before today? Before this morning? Before this year? Before. Before.

Heartbeat erratic, blood rushing in her ears, Erdene wet her suddenly dry lips and opened her mouth to ask Thorin, before what?

Just as he had been two days ago, Thorin was the slightest bit faster when he spoke. Watching her as they came to a stop in front of the house she lived in, he added, "And, I take no issue leading."

Christ. Almighty.

Oh my god. Oh my god.

Is he- Did he just-

If she'd still been walking she might have tripped over her own feet. She stood looking at him with wide eyes, lips parted, unable to fathom words. But they'd come to her door once again and once again, though this time his eyes were almost laughing, Thorin bowed his head, "Good night Mistress Thoroughfare."

Dumbfounded, Erdene echoed his good night and went into the house. Did…was…had he…? Did Thorin just flirt with me? A wild fit of excited giggles bubbled up from her chest, escaping lips even as she tried to cover her mouth with her right hand.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

She would talk to Valis tomorrow.

Chapter 15 is almost complete. Currently my hits on this story are still 0. This site is so glitchy. I've switched email accounts and added the review bot to my contacts and I'm still getting nothing. Anyway, welcome to the new followers and thank you to my favorites and as always, to my single reviewer. :)