A/N: Sorry for lateness! A 2000 piece puzzle interfered with writing this week. Yeah, I'm gonna blame it all on the puzzle.

So then!

.

Itachi

The day after the big meeting passed happily. Kakuzu began to repair the road. Original Nagato saw him doing this and joined in, copying the handsigns for Stonemaker Jutsu. They did not bother fixing the entire road, but only a path wide enough to drive cars down. In the meantime, Deidara served as a taxi. He got the bright idea to start asking for fares and made quite a bit of money. Konan finally broke the news that her mood-stabilizing medication seemed to be working; she could still feel the metaphorical lava, and it was still rising, but the metaphorical volcano felt stronger somehow. Less like brittle rock that could be blasted to pieces, more like the lining of a stomach. This was excellent news and it was celebrated. Deidara spent his newly earned money on an enormous amount of tacos. They all enjoyed soft meaty treats while admiring the shiny new whiteboard Deidara had gotten the day before. The task list was written on it. Kakuzu made a production out of wiping Fixing the road off the list. There was cheering. Everyone was happy.

The day after that, Itachi woke up with a big stretch and a yawn. He put on his dragon shirt, feeling himself in a frivolous mood. He had one of the few remaining slices of pie for breakfast. Less than one plate remained. It would not survive the day. As he chewed, he studied the task list. It had been hung on the wall directly next to the refrigerator. There was a big space where Fixing the road had been. The list now contained five entries: Tobi's quest, Monitoring the dolls, The demons, The vampires, and Original Hidan. This was a much more concise list than the version Kakuzu had posted. Itachi approved.

Original Nagato found him there. "Itachi."

"Yes?"

"You know the most about this author situation. Are you the one we should consult?"

Itachi placed his fork gently on his plate. The originals had not spoken about what they had learned for the entire previous day. Now, it seemed, they were ready to face it. "I and Sasori. He is the creative one."

"Of course." Original Nagato's aura had a strange feeling to it, like there was a great deal of activity that was being concealed. What is he thinking? Itachi didn't dare flash the Sharingan at him to find out.

"What would you like a consultation about?"

"If I understand correctly, we three were reanimated to serve as contractors, assisting your author with a project they need outside help for. Is that accurate?"

Contractors? If everything is mapped onto a business-style model… Oh, it maps very well. "Yes. Hired contractors." Itachi blinked. "Yesterday must have been a day off."

"A day off?"

"There was no emotional crisis. No great perceptual change. No tension. If we are to be thought of as employees, yesterday must have been a day off. If we are to be seen as characters, yesterday we were not on camera. I thought the degree of calmness was strange. This explains it."

Original Nagato narrowed his eyes. "It is possible to tell when the author is and is not interfering?"

"I would not use the word interfering. And now that you mention it, of course such a thing is possible. For example, the chances are nearly 100% that we are on camera right now."

Original Nagato's body language tightened. "Which means what?"

"Which means the author has precise awareness of our activities." Itachi tilted his head. "Don't you feel a sort of tension right now that was not present yesterday?"

"I do not have the experience to detect it."

"It is a feeling as if… As if everything has slowed down. No, not merely slowed. Been slowed. As a flow of liquid slows when the hose constricts, choking it off." Itachi's eyes drifted closed. His voice was hardly more than a whisper. "It is a state of strain. It is neither natural nor relaxed. It cannot be said to be entirely pleasant, at least not right now, not in such a choked state. Yet…" He opened his eyes. "Yet this is the only way forward."

Original Nagato watched like a hawk. His ringed eyes missed nothing. "This project that we are to help with is not pleasant, but it is necessary?"

"Yes."

"That describes most forms of shinobi training."

In other words, the originals do in fact have the skillset that is needed. Itachi smiled.

Original Nagato consulted the task list. "Which of these tasks are the most urgent?"

"Dealing with Original Hidan, I would say."

"What progress has been made on it?"

"None."

"It must be begun, then."

Itachi frowned. "I cannot imagine any way to keep him occupied. My imagination is limited, I don't share his interests, and anyway, he is very religious. I suspect that the ideal thing to do is let the local gods sort him out."

"In other words, do nothing."

"Well… Yes." The sort of nothing that one does when a butterfly is struggling free from its chrysalis. Purposeful nothing, as opposed to passive nothing.

"That is far too passive. Hidan might find a way to stay busy, but he certainly will never respect you if you sit back and wait for your problems to be solved by others. Hidan is not pleasant or kind to those he does not respect. Your method is not ideal."

Itachi felt hurt. He swallowed and looked down, withdrawing inward. He wasn't used to being told he'd done a bad job.

"So then, what else can you do? What other methods are possible?" Original Nagato pulled a stool over and sat across from Itachi, looking at him very intently.

Itachi wanted to retreat to his room. How could he do anything under pressure? He looked at the counter, not able to face Original Nagato at all. "I… I need time to think."

"You can take time later. Practice thinking quickly right now."

What?! "Ah… Well… Original Hidan, he… He is very active and demands physical activity, preferably the sort of activity that hurts people…" Itachi blinked rapidly, trying to clear his mental vision. An incredible amount of ideas collided, spraying fragments of concepts this way and that, raising what amounted to a mental mist. "He needs physical activity." Dogs. Frisbees. Long walks. Chasing squirrels. "So… So perhaps he can help with physical training." Laurie. Sasori. Weapons. The demon boy. Flying. "He also wants to hurt people." The demon boy. Mischief. Laughing. The snake boy. Demigods. What sort of god does that boy channel? "Hurting people. He - that - he…" Parks. Leaves. The dolls. Magic. Doors. "Ah…"

Original Nagato said something.

"What?" In his mind, Itachi turned and ran away from that mental mist. He was not going to try to force his way through, not until it had settled. It was too thick. He was relieved to be distracted.

Original Nagato tilted his head. "You did not hear?"

Itachi shook his head. "There are so many separate concepts that have relation to the present discussion. They… They make a horrible mess in my mind. I cannot navigate it."

"You must."

"I can't."

"Try to." Original Nagato sounded annoyed.

Itachi placed his elbows on the counter and rested his chin on his hands. He made his best attempt. Original Hidan. But the mist rolled over him. Dogs. Nagato. Is he still on vacation, or is he working today? The night of the fundraiser. Music. Songs. That would make a good group theme song. No, focus. Focus. Candles. Candle focusing technique. Yoga. Body-mind-soul connection. The soul. Lights. Colors. Gods.

Itachi removed his elbows from the counter and clenched his fists, took a deep breath. I cannot find my way through. I must walk through blindly then. Blindly. Forward. Which way is forward? He squeezed his eyelids shut and tried to force his mind to go quiet. He ended up paralyzed, not knowing what he was doing, fearful and afraid.

Fearful and afraid! His eyes flew open. He jumped up from his seat and ran from the room. He searched the backyard, aware of Original Nagato following him, watching him. Hidan had roped his original into a sparring session against Kakuzu. Interesting. Potentially relevant? No, I must stay focused. Itachi replied to Hidan's greeting with a wave, then turned and ran around the side of the building to the front. Focus. Focus!

Yahiko was in the street, asking the dolls to show off various magical powers for his original. Itachi ran up to them, wedging himself forcefully between clone and original. He grabbed Clone Yahiko's shoulder. "Yahiko! Help me."

"Uh…" Yahiko looked completely flummoxed. Having two originals watching probably didn't help. Would he be able to help, or would he shut down under pressure? Itachi hoped not. Sunlight. Sunlight burns away mist. I need him.

Yahiko gulped. "Warlic?"

Warlic came over. He brought the skateboard, dragging it along behind him. He looked up. "Itachi says he needs help," Yahiko told him.

"What are you doing?" Itachi felt hurt again, but more than that, frightened. Is he abandoning me?

Yahiko gestured at Warlic. Warlic picked up the skateboard and raised it above his head as if to bash someone with it. I don't understand what's happening! Warlic looked around. "I think he wants to know, who needs bashing?" Yahiko said.

"Nobody."

Warlic dropped the skateboard and tilted his head. "Then what could you possibly need help with?" Yahiko translated.

"Ah…" What do I need help with? Uh oh. I've forgotten.

Original Nagato cleared his throat. "He and I were just discussing the matter of Original Hidan."

Warlic picked up the skateboard again. "He needs to be kept busy, not bashed," Itachi said quickly. Either he wasn't quick enough, or the dolls didn't care. Three of them ran away. Little One stayed behind. Itachi saw that they were heading for the doors and called out, "He's in the backyard!" They turned and ran around the side of the building instead.

"Well, that'll keep him busy," Yahiko said.

Itachi sighed. "I need to brainstorm a long-term solution, not temporary diversions."

"What would Tobi say?" Yahiko rubbed his chin. "Tobi would say that we should find something fun for him to do when he gets bored. And the next time he gets bored, find something again. And just keep doing that."

"A series of short-term solutions does not constitute a long-term solution."

"I don't know," Yahiko replied. "Hidan, both versions of him, seems like an in-the-moment kind of guy. He always advises me to ignore anything from the past or future and focus on how I feel right now. Maybe we should do the same for him."

It sounded like such a simple idea. Itachi couldn't find fault with it. The mental mist had totally evaporated - when had it done that? Itachi blinked. Where had all his ideas gone? "I can't tell if that makes sense or not."

Yahiko shrugged. "It's worth a try."

"No, I do not mean this idea has any particular kind of value, negative or positive. I mean that it's not connected to anything else. It seems to have sprung from nowhere." Itachi rubbed his forehead. Those ideas and fragments of ideas that I have are supposed to assemble into larger constructs. They're not supposed to disappear.

Yahiko shrugged again. "I feel kind of the same. But following Tobi's advice seems to work so far, so…"

Itachi shook his head. The absence of mental fog unnerved him. He found himself trying to summon it back. Wait! Should I not do that? What do I do? "What sort of advice is that?" By asking that question, am I trying to summon it back? Asking "What sort" will cause him to suggested related things, which is precisely what crowds my mind all the time.

"Tobi only asks questions that have two answers, max. He's a little kid. The dolls are also like little kids. They ask, you know, the sorts of questions that little kids ask."

This answer, though technically accurate, did not satisfy Itachi. He realized he wasn't looking for an accurate answer. He was looking for comfort: the sort of comfort he got from being draped in things to think about. Without a buzzing mass of ideas layered over his mind, he felt naked. But I've always wanted to be free from my curse of thinking too much. Haven't I?

"Are the dolls useful consultants, then?" Original Nagato asked.

Itachi shivered. "I will go and rest," he mumbled. He turned and headed for the doors.

"Itachi? Are you okay?"

Itachi didn't answer. I'm not okay, and I never was.

Yahiko

Yahiko watched the doors close behind his friend. "I have no idea what's going on with him," he told the originals. He shook himself, turning away from the doors. "So, um… Consultants? What do you mean?"

"For your task list project," Original Nagato stated in a monotone.

"Oh. Oh, I never thought of that. It might be a good idea. What do you think, Little One? Wanna try it?" Little One seemed at a loss for things to do. When Yahiko said his name, he reached up, asking to be held. Yahiko picked him up and held him. "Let's try it."

They went inside to the kitchen. Yahiko placed Little One on the counter nearest the fridge, lifted the whiteboard off its attachment and propped it vertically on the counter in front of Little One. "This is our task list." Yahiko pointed to each entry as he read off their names. "Let's pick one to focus on. Hmm… Why not pick the one that's relevant to you? 'Monitoring the dolls.' I don't know if you remember this, but you and your friends followed Hidan through the woods to a lake. He went into the lake. The lake would've started to move on its own, as if it was alive. You guys touched it. Um. When the lake's like that, it drains the life force from anything it touches, so…" It's hard to say it. "So you guys all… Um… Died. Bu-but then we brought you back to life! Yes, me and Hidan, we brought you back to life. You're all good as new. We just - we have this task on the list because we want to know if anything changed. Um. Do you remember how you felt before? Do you feel any different now? Do you even know what I'm talking about?"

Little One waved his arms. It was impossible to know what he meant. He looked down sadly, then crawled to the edge of the counter and used magic to pull open the nearest drawer. He pulled out a spoon and examined it.

"Either he doesn't know what I'm talking about, or he's saying there is no change," Yahiko translated. After Warlic's relatively clear communication, it embarrassed him to only be able to give vague translations. He tried not to shrink in on himself. Not in front of the originals. "They have moods. He might just not be in the right mood to answer questions right now." Oh god I'm using a higher-pitched voice like a little kid. I'm so pathetic! Yahiko hid his blush by very carefully replacing the whiteboard on the wall. Meanwhile, Little One returned the spoon to the drawer. Perhaps he was sad. Yahiko picked him up and held him close, rubbing his soft plushy little back.

"These dolls come from another story?" Original Nagato asked.

"Yeah. A game. They're based off a character with a tragic backstory. He has super powerful magic, and when he was younger, he used to have anger problems. He accidentally set a classmate on fire. He immediately regretted it, but he couldn't put out the fire. He spends his whole entire life after that incident trying to make up for it. He lives with guilt all the time. It's so sad."

"That explains why they have such powerful abilities," Original Yahiko said. "But these dolls have completely different personalities. None of them resemble the character you just described."

Yahiko nodded. "They can't change things around here."

"Are characters from that story likely to appear?" Original Nagato asked.

"No." After he said it, Yahiko wondered why he was saying that. Why not? He had to think quickly. "This one character - he's powerful, but I feel bad for him. He doesn't know how to control it. He's lost and confused. No wonder his incarnations in this world are toddlers that need to be taken care of." Yahiko patted Little One's back. "There's another character in that game who I'm really drawn to, and I kind of admire her, but she's the same way. Misguided, confused, that sort of thing. You guys are here to help us, but there's nobody from that game who would be able to help us."

"Does anyone besides you have contact with this fictional world?"

"Konan's played some of it. She finds video games very interesting. We even developed a whole jutsu for the purpose of replicating a video game ability she liked."

"Oh? A new jutsu?"

"I'll show it to you." Yahiko led them back out to the lobby, where he indicated the symbol drawn on the lamp. "Every member of the group has a matching seal drawn on paper that they carry with them. When activated, it teleports you back here instantly. We call it the return-to-base jutsu. Many games have a return-to-base ability so your character can instantly go home; otherwise they would be very annoying and tedious to play."

The originals exchanged glances. "You must be talking about games that are unfamiliar to us," Original Nagato said.

"Yeah. Konan's really amazed by them. I think you would like them too, if you ever find time to check them out."

"But you're the only clone who knows very much about them?" Original Yahiko asked.

"Yeah."

"Are there any other books or games that you've been looking at lately?"

"No."

Original Nagato gave him a powerful look accompanied by a burst of chakra. "Inform us immediately if that changes."

"Will do."

Yahiko didn't see, hear or feel any kind of signal pass between them. Nonetheless, the two originals walked away as if they had planned to. Wow. My Nagato and I were never that coordinated. That brought to mind other things that Yahiko didn't want to think about. He distracted himself by sitting down in the lobby chair and cuddling Little One in his lap. Little One noticed some paper on the desk and wiggled free. The doll climbed onto the desk and began to tear neat circles out of the sheet of paper. Yahiko watched him do this with a smile. He's so cute when he's happy. I love him. He could watch his little one play forever and never grow bored. He was never, ever going to take them for granted again.

Original Nagato

Around noon, he and Yahiko regrouped in the upstairs room that now served as their office/bedroom. "The task list project is well underway," Nagato said.

"But is that all we're here to do?"

"Precisely."

Yahiko smoothed his hair back, a nervous gesture. "If we're on a mission, we haven't received much by way of a briefing. We'll have to put together a method and an end goal on our own."

They started to do just that. They dreamed up visions of what a more organized group might look like and brainstormed methods for getting there. But before they could make up a complete plan, a blast of light and a ringing sound told them someone was coming up the stairs. They stood up to intercept whoever it was. That was their intention, anyway. Original Hidan slipped inside before they could reach their door. He wore his scythe on his back and stood at ease, as relaxed as a ninja could get. He flicked an ear and huffed when he saw Yahiko. "Whatcha up to?"

"Making plans of our own," Nagato answered politely. Dammit, not this again. If he takes the change in our circumstances as permission to resume harassing me, I will have to be forceful.

Thankfully, Yahiko's presence stopped Hidan from doing that. "I don't think so," he said with a smirk. He raised his head and puffed his shoulders, making himself look important. "See, we're the only originals who were brought back to life. That makes me one of four people in charge of straightening out a fucked-up world. With so much to work on, can you really afford to leave me out?"

Goddammit. He's right. "You have very different interests than Yahiko and I. With so much to work on, isn't there a different area much more suited to you?"

Hidan chuckled. "Other Me sent me here. This is the place to be."

"You're taking orders from your clone?" Yahiko blurted.

"He's half Jashin, so yeah."

Their confusion must have shown. Hidan's eyes glinted. "Oh, you didn't know? Yeah, my clone's half god. That's why he's head honcho around here." Hidan crossed his arms proudly. "So spill it. What plans are ya making?"

I really have no reason not to let him into my confidence. Damn! "Very well," Nagato conceded. He shared with Hidan two of the visions they'd imagined.

"That sounds boring as shit!" Hidan retorted with a flick of his tail. "Who wants nothing but peace and routine day after day? That's total crap!"

"It's called discipline."

"I don't care what it's called. I've got another idea." Hidan imagined on the spot a group of clones that went out demon-fighting every week and explored the forest and went on nighttime hunts with wolf people. "Doesn't that sound like fun?"

"The clones all have domestic responsibilities. They would never agree to that," Yahiko said, shaking his head.

"Your clone seems popular. What's your idea, Sunbeam?"

"My idea? Nagato already told you. We came up with those ideas together."

"You can't possibly be as boring as that, not with such a cool clone. C'mon."

"I like it when people live in peace together," Yahiko said. "I stand by the plans Nagato and I made."

Hidan flicked his tail again. "You idiots are boring! You'll stifle these poor clones. I'm gonna do them a favor." He left the room as quickly as he'd come.

Nagato allowed himself to pale noticeably. "What the hell is his idea of 'doing them a favor'?"

Original Hidan

"Oi, Other Me. Give me that talking device you have."

"After you fucking barge in?! No fucking way!"

Hidan finally stopped and looked around. His clone and Nagato's pussy-ass wimpy clone were on the rooftop. Clone Hidan seemed to be checking the wounds that Wimpy Nagato had sustained in battle two nights before. They were healing, unfortunately; there was hardly any dried blood left on them. Not much to check. Why would he bother with - Wait, you can't be serious?!

"Serio-fucking-sly? This guy?"

"He's cute and smells good," his clone retorted.

"He's a wimp!"

"I am not." Wimpy Nagato shook off Clone Hidan's hand and got to his feet. "If you wish to fight, I'd be happy to oblige."

Ha! As if I'd bother. "Nah. I don't bother with cowards."

Wimpy Nagato's fists clenched. His aura changed. "Correction: I'm not happy to oblige your desire for a fight. I'm happy to wipe that bratty smirk off your face."

Hmm, he's starting to look more interesting. "Really now?"

"Yeah. It may have taken me some time to get around to this, but I won't stand for being openly insulted in front of all my friends."

"Kick his ass," Clone Hidan said.

"Hey, whose side are you on?!"

"The side that doesn't whine like a middle schooler!"

"Should I…?"

"Oh fuck yeah. Go for it."

Clone Nagato blasted Hidan off the roof. It felt like a giant invisible hand slapped him. He crashed into tree branches and learned firsthand about the differences between flora in his old world and his new one. These trees were young and ill-grown, so their branches were much closer together. They didn't snap easily beneath his weight, so his entire neck bent around the curve of a circle only a couple centimeters in diameter. They sprung up again, tossing him just enough to lose stability and fall through. And instead of a soft flakelike brushing, they scraped like bastards. He groaned when he finally came to rest on the forest floor. Agh fuck my neck. The bastard! He got to his feet, teeth bared and blades ready for revenge.

The clone turned out to have followed him into the forest. Hidan was caught by surprise. In that moment of surprise, Clone Nagato grinned and blasted him again, straight into the trunk of a tree. The impact shook his bones. Hidan darted forward, scythe flashing, not caring what Konan might say.

The resulting battle featured a lot of pain and blood, entirely on Hidan's side. He couldn't land a single blow. As he panted, his tail stiffening in pain whenever he tried to move it, he realized that Nagato truly was Leader sama.

The clone found him. The smug bastard was still smiling. "Are you done?"

Hidan glared. His pride told him to keep fighting, but he knew that wouldn't work. "Go fuck yourself," he spat, placing his scythe on his back.

"Changed your mind about my taste in boyfriends yet?" Clone Hidan asked with a smirk, perching in a tree above.

"And fuck you too!"

Clone Hidan laughed. "You're just saying that because you haven't gotten any!"

That was a step too far. Hidan lunged up at him, blades flashing once more. Metal screeched as their blades clashed, scythe against scythe. Clone Hidan leaped away, throwing his scythe forward as he did so. Expecting it to jink uncontrollably, Hidan leaped away. But the scythe actually circled around smoothly and wrapped its rope around his legs. He faceplanted into a muddy clump of rotted leaves. Behind him, the two clones could be heard high-fiving each other. "Aw yeah! That's how we clones roll! Woo!"

Hidan pushed himself up and brushed leafy bits out of his facial fur. The heat from his face threatened to start a forest fire. He turned around, growling. His clone laughed and stuck a tongue out. Nagato's annoying clone said, "Hey, let's stop antagonizing the poor guy. He's had enough." He blocked Hidan's thrown scythe with a casual wave of his hand.

"I hate you fucking bastards," Hidan growled while reeling his scythe in. "At least this zoo-world has one thing going for it: I know where everyone sleeps at night."

"Oh yeah. You do." Clone Hidan slung an arm over his mate's shoulders. The message was clear. He's under my protection. Back off.

Nagato blushed. Hidan blinked. For just a moment, the redhead looked…cute. The slight twist to his lips as he smiled made Hidan imagine things. Huh, I wonder if Leader sama ever smiles? Maybe when he's alone with his boyfriend…

"Didn't I tell you?" Clone Hidan was referring to the earlier conversation in which he had not-so-subtly urged his original to pay a visit to Original Nagato. Hidan flicked an ear. Perhaps right now there would be no Yahiko to interfere. Or if there was, well, he hadn't demonstrated any of the powers his clone had. He might be easy to drive off. Hidan turned and ran back to the base, his anger forgotten and replaced by an entirely different feeling.

But the two of them were not in their room. Hidan cried out in frustration. He went looking for Konan instead. Annoying bastards, getting in my way. Why can't I just act as I want, when I want? Everything would be nice and simple that way.

.

A/N: And that's it for this week. It's late at night. I'm pretty eager to wrap this up. Rar. See ya next time.