"Umm... S-Sasuke-kun?"
I ignore her, turning the page slowly as I savor this bit of literary delight wrapped between orange covers. Though the subject matter is raunchy enough to warrant the adult rating, the subtext and characterizations are surprisingly deep and thought-provoking, leaving very deep impressions even with just a few lines sprinkled sparingly in otherwise madhouse scenes.
Jiraiya had no right being this good.
It was like finding hints of the themes of Solzhenitsyn's or Dostoyevsky's heaviest works, bound in the prose of Hemmingway's simplistic and understated style, where every phrase was akin to a great lumbering iceberg, its mere tip visible upon the pages of the book for the thought behind it. This was the work of a man who had seen all that the world had to offer; had thought, suffered, lost, loved and laughed so much during his life that every sentence he put to paper was a tale of its own - every character living and breathing their lives through the pages as you read them, teaching you and showing you life in its purest, most raw form!
Frankly, I was horribly envious, and even trying to quantify his talent by drawing parallels to other things I had read only managed to make me feel that much more pretentious and pathetic. I turned the page back, re-reading one of the earlier passages, noting only now how it had been hinting at Haruka-chan's deep love, which would be the catalyst for Shinji to stop running away, and—
"Ah, Kakashi-sensei! Something's wrong with Sasuke!"
Naruto's cry cut my musings short, so I closed the book calmly and put it away.
A motion the tardy jounin did not miss, his troubled eye tracking the book's return to my waist pouch.
"Kakashi—no, sensei." I began, facing him head-on. "I apologize for every thoughtless remark and immature thought I had had regarding your reading of this work of art. I apologize for buying it with the sole intent of trying to ruin your reputation. This is a masterpiece, I—I understand now. Please accept my humblest apologies."
"Aa... Maa, maa... That's fine. So long as you understand."
Yes, he was flustered now.
This is the way.
Naruto's head was swiveling between us so fast that I could feel the air being whipped back and forth by his hair, until some hint of recognition alit in his eyes. He shouted in alarm, pointing at me accusingly. "Sasuke's a pervert!"
"IS NOT! You take that back, this instant, Naruto!" Sakura immediately leaped to my defense—or rather, to the defense of the mental image of me that she had built up.
"B-but, Sakura-chan..." he whined piteously, cowering from her raised fist.
"I won't allow anyone to badmouth Icha Icha. Not without having actually read it first, at the very least!" I pointed at Naruto, eyes whirling to a dangerous tint as my rushing blood pounded in my ears. "Say whatever you want about me, fine, but badmouth this book and I'll kick your ass so hard you'll have to eat your ramen through a straw for a month!"
Naruto blinked, taking a defensive step back, his eyes swimming with confusion.
"Maa, for now let's all calm down." Kakashi sighed, and I heard the rustle of paper.
Was it time?
"For now, I'd like you to take these."
It was time.
"Umm, what are they, Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked, accepting the proferred paper.
"They're registration forms for the upcoming chuunin exams. They're being held in Konoha this year, so I went and signed all of you up."
"What? Awesome! Kakashi-sensei, you're the best!" Naruto immediately cheered.
I offered a smirk, satisfied that I hadn't changed anything too much. So long as neither of these two dum-dums got scared, it would all work out fine. Well, even if they did I would probably stand out during the invasion so much that I'd get some kind of promotion out of the whole deal.
Still no functional compound bow, but I had made a decent enough self-bow fit to my current poundage. It wasn't quite a tactical-class weapon, yet. But it would do for the invasion.
"If you feel up to it, sign the form and show up at the specified time and date. Take the rest of the day off and just think about it. No pressure," Kakashi said and then with an eye-smile poofed and vanished. This had been a Shadow Clone again, so I wasn't sure whether the actual jounin was somewhere else or just creeping on us like he sometimes did.
"Alright! With this, I'll make chuunin in no time, and then, Hokage y'know!" Naruto cheered.
Right. Because even when he got to the finals and pretty much cleaned house on all the strongest contestants, he still didn't get to chuunin in canon. And for pretty good reason, too. Broth brain.
"Ah, umm, Sasuke-kun, do you want to train with me? You know, to prepare for the exams?" Sakura asked, inching forward with a hopeful expression.
While seeing her wanting to train was good, she wasn't exactly asking with pure motives. And besides, what would one more training accomplish? Strength and skill were built up slowly, over time. At best we could figure out some strategies, but...
With all my foreknowledge, I'd just let something slip. Sure, I was cheating, but this was a test for them, too. I had already sort of messed up the Wave mission and I'd be kicking the second exam to the curb—because fuck Orochimaru and his bullshit—but the rest, the legit parts of the exam, I still thought they should go through normally.
"I have some weapon and tool orders that should be ready by today, so I'll have to pass."
I almost walked away, except I spotted a rock-textured box in the middle of the dirt road. Konohamaru. Wait, didn't this happen before Kakashi showed up in canon...? Our confusion at some Sand genin won't make sense if we know...
Oh, right. It wasn't noon yet.
"Huh, Kakashi was pretty early today, wasn't he?"
Sakura blinked. "Oh, umm, yes, yes he was, wasn't he?"
Weird.
Meanwhile, Naruto had started bickering with his groupies; Konohamaru and his goons, whose names I had never bothered to remember. Noticing my looking on, Sakura started paying attention to Naruto's antics, too.
Should I allow this to play out? I'm guessing he'd run into the Kankuro soon enough. Which meant Temari and Gaara, too... Of course. Temari is cute. And she's older, too, so it won't be like trying to talk to a bunch of kids. Oh, and her theme was damn awesome. And the fan would work perfect with the Uchiha symbol—
Oh, but she was still completely terrified of her littlest brother, wasn't she? She'd be an emotional wreck until Gaara was baptized got by Ninja Jesus by way of fist. No, wait: forehead.
"Damn it. Naruto, you better not screw this up."
The blond paused, giving me a weird look but didn't question what I was going on about. I think he was starting to learn. Guess I could just tag along until we ran into the Sand siblings. Maybe read a little along the way, until...
"Oof!"
Well, that was fast. Not that I was going to complain.
"Eh, watch where you're going, brat!" Kankuro, still clad in his black onesie and with his big bandaged doll on his back, shouted as he grabbed the brat in question.
"Ow, sorry, I just—"
"You think a sorry'll be enough? You could have really hurt me, brat. What do you think—"
"Kankuro, just calm down and stop making a scene."
Ah...
Temari-chan, why don't you have your cute Japanese voice? Well, actually it wasn't so much cute as husky, but it was distinctive. The kind of sexy where you'd want an ASMR of her whispering sweet nothings into your ear all day long. Not that she had an ugly voice or anything now, just... Not what I remembered.
Oh, right. Missing my cue here.
I flicked my finger, sending a tendril of chakra string out and latching it onto Kankuro's hand. His eyes widened as I forced his hand to open with my bastardized form of puppetry. Konohamaru yelped and got up, hiding behind Naruto immediately as he got to his feet.
My eyes whirled into Sharingan as I met the surprised middle sibling's, smirking.
"It's rare to see Suna genin in Konoha, much less a puppet-user. I'm excited about getting to see your skills firsthand."
"Y-you...!"
"Enough, Kankuro." Oh, wow. Gaara's voice is still pretty good, though. And as the middle brother looked ready to open his mouth, the redhead in the tree continued. "You're an embarrassment to our village. Shut up, or I'll kill you."
And he's a psychotic mess.
Still, even with all that, I think I can take him. But that's not good enough, considering the sheer potential he has for the future. The biggest case for Flashback & Therapy jutsu I remembered.
"Don't fuck this up now, Naruto."
Naruto looks at me, still confused, eyes barely moving from the sand-user in the tree, from whom waves upon waves of uncontrolled bloodlust was roiling off.
"What did I do?" he whispers at me.
I just point at him, raising my brows in warning at his backtalk. Hey, if Gaara got to clearly establish his team's power dynamics, then so did I. And I didn't need to throw around killing intent like an unhinged lunatic to do it.
Naruto sufficiently cowed - or confused, at least for now, I turned back to the strangers.
"You... What's your name?" I ask.
"M-me?" Temari looks hopeful—score!—No, wait. At this point in time, she's still planning on burning this village down to the ground. Let's try negging her for now.
"No—him." I nod to Gaara.
"I am Gaara of the Desert... And who are you?"
I smirk. Here we go.
"Kakashi Black," I state with perfectly even inflection, ignoring the goggled reactions from my teammates in my peripheral vision. "That's Kakashi Orange and Kakashi Pink. We're the Kakashi Squad, so you better remember it."
In perfect timing with the declaration, I snap open the Icha Icha book and raise it to break our eye contact, dismissing him and his murderous intent. Though I can see in my peripheral vision that Temari's opinion of me is clearly sinking. Damn it! Abort, abort!
I mean, sure, I had decided that I wasn't going to specifically use the porn to mess with Kakashi... But that didn't mean I wasn't going to mess with Kakashi period. And Gaara, for all his trauma and issues, was just gullible enough to be the butt of my jokes.
He was going to try and kill me regardless, so I didn't need to pay any particular heed to his feelings, right?
"I will remember you, Kakashi, and in the end, Mother will know you too."
Score!
With that absolutely perfect parting shot, he vanishes in a swirl of sand, leaving behind a group of gobsmacked genins and myself.
"...I feel like he got bullied a lot as a kid," I comment from behind my book. Not surprising that he has zero social skills, though. Considering everything. At least Naruto wasn't completely feared by everyone, giving him some basis for how to act with other people.
Not a very good one, but at least a basic grasp.
The Sand siblings look slightly bothered, not sure whether to run off after their brother or to badmouth me, like.
"Sasuke, why'd you go and do that? Can't you tell that he's dangerous?" Naruto hisses at me.
I turn to look at him.
Confronting Gaara was a big deal for Naruto. Demon containers and all. But didn't that happen later on? Some of the timing in all the events feels a bit off. Like, they're too fluid somehow. Fuck, this is exactly why I'm never going to be a mastermind, playing everyone like a fiddle in my grand plans; I just can't help shooting my long-term plans for the sake of short-term amusement.
Oh well.
I scoff. "What else am I supposed to do? Run away screaming?"
"Aren't you a little young to be reading... that?" Temari asks, probably somewhat used to her brother's disposition and thus focusing on the stranger thing in this scene, eyeing the book still in my hand. Or then the fact that I blew him off completely left her just off-kilter enough that her curiosity won out.
Glancing at my still uncreased copy of Icha Icha Paradise, I shrug. "Eh, old enough to burn two-hundred people alive, old enough to read smut in public."
Naruto blinks at the reminder. That he's not some innocent kid anymore and that he, too, has blood on his hands. A curious mix of consternation, realization, and annoyance crosses his face before he shakes his head.
"I still think you're a pervert for reading that stuff, Sasuke." He huffs, shoulders relaxing a little.
Putting away the book back into its proper, protected place, I give him a look.
"It's more than just smut and I meant what I said to Kakashi. Do you understand what writing is, Naruto?"
He looks offended. "Of course I do!"
"Then what is it?" I ask. "Explain it to me in your own words."
The blond hesitates, the way people do when asked to specifically define something they've never really had to think about, never cared to think about until forced to defend their until-now unexamined opinions.
"You just, put stuff you want to say into like scrolls and books and stuff..."
I scoff. "It's so much more than that, broth brain. Writing is almost the purest form of reality there is. Maybe even more real than what's around us."
Sakura appears fascinated. "Huh... What do you mean by that, Sasuke-kun?"
Suddenly everyone is paying attention to me. It's actually kind of weird to see Konohamaru, his groupies, Temari and Kankurou all looking at me and hanging at my every word. Oh, and the Sound team hiding in the tree and listening in, too. For some reason. Did they have orders for me already? I figured Orochimaru was already in town, but did he just guess that I'd be entered into the exams on a hunch?
Well, whatever. I didn't mind having a quick Ted Talk about why literature is so cool and why everyone should read more.
"It's because a really good writer puts so much more into what they write than just words and information. They control the context, timing, and tone of everything, going so far as to being capable of determining an absolute truth within the bounds of their story - something, which in our shared reality, is not quite so easy.
"It's more than just a dry recitation of something the author would say out loud on the subject if asked to talk about it, because they can carefully think every word and phrase through, choosing them all for maximum effect and cutting away that which should not matter. In essence, it's like a genjutsu technique; when it works, it completely enraptures you and captures all of your attention, dominating your every thought and sense for its duration. Sometimes even much, much longer, creating lasting impressions - permanent changes, to the way we think."
Actually, that was a pretty good metaphor, me.
Visual storytelling—anime, tv-shows, theater, and even to an extent stories told in person—were all performances. They were like the basic Clone jutsu or Kankuro's puppetry, requiring that each individual detail and facet of what was to be seen had to be carefully managed in the real world.
If the hero struck out at the villain, this had to be shown; the blow had to be depicted.
This meant that it was easier for it to clearly come across, but it also meant that unintentional errors and mistakes could be introduced into the act unless the punch was so well understood by the performers that each aspect of it was simply perfect. What looked like a blow of righteous indignation could look like a silly slap to another, more well-versed in violence - hence, an unintentional and exponentially growing margin of error was introduced to the story.
But with the written word it was different.
It wasn't necessary for the writer to detail each individual aspect, because by simply writing out the act in its basest form, it could be understood. The hero struck at the villain with great anger. The reader filled in the rest, using their own experiences, their own knowledge, and their own reality to construct the specifics of the act.
Leaving behind only that which was most important; the meat and bones of the story.
At least with a great writer.
It was the same with genjutsu. Rather than controlling every facet of another's perception or mind, with the Sharingan, I found it so much easier to simply tweak small things and allow the victim to fill in the blanks on their own. With other media, the viewers could assume the role of an uninvolved observer, but with the written word the activation of mirror neurons was at their highest, most concentrated form, all but assuming the role of the characters in the story.
As perception is reality, so too, is narrative.
Right, I was talking. That was a dramatic enough pause, so keep going...
"Which in turn means, that they can put their personal experiences into a form more coherent than mere spoken words, reconstructing the actual events for the reader to experience and understand directly, making it possible to pass on wisdom for generations, without people having to actually repeat the painful mistakes each time to learn them. And just as a good writer can put something more into his work, a good reader can get more out of even an average text. For example: a feel for the author's beliefs and thoughts, his hopes and fears, all of which inform and build his view of reality and what he perceives as most real—what he thinks was the most important thing in each situation and context.
"You're essentially touching their soul."
Oh, I had a captive audience. Usually, when I started talking about something I knew a lot about, I became very incoherent. Weird. I'm usually only this coherent in writing.
"You can read both his proudest accomplishment and his most desperate regrets from what he tells you and what he doesn't tell you. How he confronted his lowest moments, real or imagined. How he snatched victory from the jaws of defeat, or how he wished he could have done something differently. Often most poignant, are the tales of things they wish they could have accomplished, rather than actual memory put to text. I mean, think about it, which is more valuable: the answer which came easily in a time of crisis... or the answer a regretful man spent the rest of his life devising? Honing and tempering, poking and prodding in his mind, until it became a solution that could have changed the course of his very life?"
Now I'm rambling again, I realize with a sigh.
Maybe I should pick up writing again—it had helped quite a bit with getting my thoughts in order back before. Writing maketh an exact man, to paraphrase The Bacon. Probably shouldn't call him that, though.
"It's... The situations and scenarios in this book. They're difficult, heart-wrenching, and terrifying. Or they're inspiring, uplifting, and reassuring. The characters aren't just a hot piece of ass you wish you could be in the place of—they are you, or you could be them. And when you come to a crossroad as difficult as they do in a book, you can only hope that you manage to be as honest and brave as they are."
I mean, that one scene with Tohru in the third chapter... I knew I didn't have it in me. But I wish I did.
"And perhaps most importantly, the converse is also true; you can embrace negative capability freely. Show someone the worst possible way something could play out and perhaps teach them to avoid those same mistakes."
Naruto was looking at me like I had grown another head, blinking suspiciously at me. He probably hadn't understood a word I had said.
Sakura... Oh no, wasn't she a would-be brainiac? I didn't remember her actually being a big fan of books in canon beyond being an academic, but judging by her look of complete understanding, I think I might have just fueled a fire I really shouldn't have.
Right, guess I'd never really opened up about my old hobbies before. There wasn't much to read or do around here, since training and experimenting with superpowers had kept me plenty occupied.
"Sis, we should leave. These guys are just..." Kankuro made a frustrated sound, scowling at me. I didn't think a guy who was that into puppetry had any room to be judging me, but whatever.
I'd kick his ass soon enough for it.
"...Yeah, you're—"
I interrupt her, hoping to repair some of the damage I'd done earlier. "Before you go, how about giving us your names, too?"
The blonde desert ninja blinked at me, before shaking her head with an amused smirk. "As if, Kakashi Black." Oh, I like her. She turns to her brother and nods the way the redhead had gone. "Come on, let's go find Gaara."
Leaving us behind on the street. Oh, and the Sound creeps are still in hiding in the tree.
Oh, and Sakura who looked as if she wanted to ask me on a date again, with stars in her eyes. Which meant it was time for me to hit the road.
"Well, I have places to be. See you guys at the exams," I say and raise a half-tiger seal and then Flicker smoothly out of there before anyone could object.
I land in front of the nameless weapon shop owned by Tenten's family—the two facts probably being related; that I had to say Tenten's family rather than a surname, and the shop not having a name—and walk inside.
The owner isn't around, but I hear hammering from the back, so I figure he'd be with me when he's done. I hadn't exactly tried to suppress my presence on walking in, which was the ninja equivalent of politely knocking. It was still around noon, so most people were still busy—case in point, Tenten was most likely meeting Gai and her team right now—so, so too would the smith be plying his trade.
I figured fifteen minutes would be enough for his coal to run out in the furnace so that he wasn't wasting any by taking a break. If he didn't show up after that, then he had more important things to deal with than just little old me.
So I looked around the shop, admiring the various blades and weapons.
Why do you need all these flails in so many different configurations...? I mean sure, nunchucks were pretty cool and three-part staffs were cooler still. But why go all the way up to fifteen segments?
Another thing I noticed, which I had noted with the swords I had seen carried around by the more experienced ninja in the village—especially the ANBU—was that they tended to be straight and lack a tsuba. But here in the shop, I could see a lot of variation in curvature and length, and there was a simple selection of tsuba-guards as well near the tsuka and other handles. Japanese swords were kind of funny, in how you could always take them apart and switch pieces; they weren't permanently hammered into one piece through peening.
So if you one day wanted to put on a longer handle with a different pattern, you totally could. Very fashionable.
Despite all the potential for pimping your sword, I hadn't really seen all that much variation around. The tsuba were very rugged, with only a few shapes on offer, and there were no menuki or engraved kashira on display. Usually, you just saw that damnable bandage wrapped around the upper part of the hilt among ANBU for example. Seriously, was it a fashion statement of some kind that I just hadn't gotten the memo on? Like frills or cute ribbons with gothic lolita fashion back before?
Maybe there was some kind of seal script written into that bandage, but still, it seemed like a very temporary and ridiculous method of accomplishing it. Especially since most of the chuunin and jounin running around the village didn't have any of that stuff going on with their swords.
Whatever. I will never understand ninja fashion.
There were a few shorter blades, too, but none that I really liked. I had finally gotten old enough that the wakizashi I had gotten years back wasn't a full-size blade for me anymore, so I was starting to think about looking into getting a better blade now. Especially since I now had Shadow Clones to train with. You just couldn't really train swordsmanship alone.
Bit. Well, getting it done in chakra steel would get reeaal expensive.
So maybe later, after I had some more missions under my belt and more tenants to squeeze money out of.
"Hmph. You're back early."
I turn around to face the smith and tilt my head. I managed to just open my mouth to ask him when the senbon will be done, then, when he throws a bundle at me. I catch it on instinct and blink, realizing that it was a cloth roll, containing my needles. It kinda looks like a drum-roll of nails for a nailgun.
Shaking my head, I look up.
"Early?"
"Tenten's still gone. No discounts for you, boy."
I scoff, grinning. "I think I'll live longer this way. How much?"
We settle accounts and I leave, pocketing my new full roll of needles after taking out three and putting them in my knee-holster, right next to one of my new kunai. The needles wouldn't exactly be decisive weapons, but surprise tools for later, so just having a few on hand should be fine.
As I walk down the street, I'm suddenly struck by a strange chill running down my spine.
I blink and suddenly, fifteen ninja jump to attack me, all clad in heavy cloaks and wide straw hats. Why would Ame-nin jump me in the middle of a street in Konoha?
"Do you..."
"...Really think yourself..."
"...Ready for the chuunin exams?"
"You should value your life more, last of the Uchiha!"
I blink.
Seriously? Not even Shadow or Water Clones?
"I think..." Sharingan spins to life, dispeling the genjutsu. "That you should really reconsider some of your life choices."
"A-ah?" The unfamiliar Konoha-nin wearing a vest blinks, realizing that I'm looking straight at him.
Was this one of those hazing things that happened before the exams? I vaguely remembered something like that, but wasn't it Iruka or someone last time? Eh, doesn't matter.
Red whirls aflutter, spinning tomoe sink into the man's consciousness, momentarily disconnecting years from his core self and guising my next words into the form of someone else, an authority from his past, imprinting a single command into his very psyche.
"Go run ten laps around Konoha's walls."
He blinks, dazed, then turns around and in a jog heads for the nearest gate.
Complex genjutsu were like nightmares or absurd dreams. You stripped someone of the memories which informed them that they were in fact a veteran chuunin right now, replacing it with another context, like that of a terrified genin shivering with respect for an instructor or commander, and then letting them run with it and fill the blanks on their own.
Since this was a military village, it was a lot easier than it would have been on a civilian, ironically enough.
I didn't need to say something like "Or so help me, I'll have you scrubbing all the toilets in Konoha!" or "Or I'll turn into a demon from your folk-tales and eat your children!" to enforce the command: the victim's mind supplied all the motivation and details on its own. The brain was very good at that kind of stuff, since it did that every night, more or less.
I turn around and head for the main shopping street at a lazy pace. "Now—What to do about lunch...?"
"Sasuke-kun! Look, Naruto is here!"
I look up from the book and nod, putting it away as I spot the orange menace running up to us.
Naruto comes to a screeching halt, raising a hand in an excited greeting to Sakura.
"You decided to show up, after all?" I greet him, giving him a once-over.
I noticed Sakura had been acting a little bit off, but Naruto seemed his usual self—glowering and spitting mad at me—so I reasoned they had met some chuunin's and been hazed, too. But seeing as how we were all here, it couldn't have been a problem.
"Hey—Whoa, Sasuke, what are you wearing?"
"Hmm? What do you mean?" I ask, raising a brow.
I knew exactly what he was looking at. I had gotten a set of the standard Konoha slacks and shirt in black, complete with the red shoulder swirl and worse-than-crocs-sandals. On my hands I had fingerless gloves with the funny little metal plate and I had my shins completely wrapped up in bandages.
Oh, and my lower face was covered by a mask.
In short, I looked like Kakashi, just without the flak vest. "I'm wearing completely normal clothes, obviously."
"Uh... Sakura-chan?"
She sighed. I had been quoting Kakashi-isms at her the whole morning and she was beyond tired of it at this point. Which was good—if she couldn't handle me at my worst, then didn't deserve... Actually, this wasn't anywhere near my worst. This was actually me in a pretty good mood, now that I thought about it.
She probably actually would prefer me at my worst, thinking that I was just being broody and cool. I shook my head.
"Well, let's get going then."
We head on, Naruto's excitability giving to another kind of excitement as we make our way up the stairs. I almost head up all the way to the third floor directly, when I hear a familiar voice from the second floor.
Right, Tenten and her team's here.
"What is it Sasuke-kun? This is just the second floor, isn't it?"
"There's a lot of people here. It looks kind of interesting and we still have time, right?" I ask, grinning a little behind my mask.
If she knew I was siccing Lee on her, I bet she'd be a lot less assenting to my whims. But as is, they both agree and we check out all the fuss.
A pair of ninja wearing Konoha headbands—transformed down in size, I can tell from the slight discrepancy in their movements—are blocking people from entering a classroom. And in front of them, at the head of the small crowd, stands team Gai.
"Please, let us through!" Tenten whines, looking much meeker than she had been in her shop.
"Yes, please! This is most unfair of you," Lee agrees vocally, but lacking the fire usually associated with him. Something about that tickles my attention and I check my chakra, noting that there's only the one genjutsu in effect.
Better safe than sorry, though, I think, activating my eyes but keeping the flow of chakra choked to keep them from literally glowing and spinning, as they tend to do at max power. Right, just the one visual genjutsu. Nothing else here...
I mean, I can understand why some of the outsiders might fall for it, even if this was only the second floor. I still hadn't bothered to remember which had the first floor and which had a ground floor, between the US and UK, finding the entire distinction utterly inane, so in a foreign village like this, it wasn't that dumb to follow the locals to see if they knew where to go.
But there was a lot of Leaf genin here too.
Were they really that forgetful, or was everyone in on some shell game to mess with the competition?
Lee got knocked down and he made a pitiful cry, looking so very sad and cowed that I could see the sheer wave of dismissal rippling through the onlooker's eyes. Including, Sakura. Which now Lee, too, noticed.
The change was immediate; the desire to impress her instantly blowing apart any semblance of sticking to the plan from his mind as he jumped up to his feet. I could hear Sakura stiffening behind me as she realized she was suddenly the center of Lee's attention and I had to stifle a chuckle.
"Hey, kid, you should have just stayed dow—" one of the disguised Konoha-nin blocking the door beings to say, hand coming down on Lee's shoulder.
And then he's flying through the air, flipping and slamming into the opposite wall in one of the most impressive displays of chakra control I've seen in a long time. Oh yeah, Sharingan on was 100% the right choice.
I could just catch glimpses of his internal chakra flow, but even that little which flowed to his skin and through his tenketsu told of just how incredibly controlled his power was. He had generated enough force to send a grown man spinning with just a tiny shifting of his weight and hips, letting his chakra multiply that a dozen fold by the time the movement had finished translating to the arm that sent the chuunin flying.
"Hello! You are incredibly beautiful, what is your name? I am Rock Lee and I will protect you with my life!"
Sakura makes a choked noise of panic and now I am grinning as my eyes meet Tenten's as she marches up the littler green beast.
"Hey, Lee! What's the big idea? Wasn't it your idea to play at being weaklings? You went and completely ruined it!"
"Ah! Apologies, Tenten! But, I could not help myself!"
There it was. The weird shift in Lee's character. Was he the one to really suggest something like that? Seems a little underhanded for him... But didn't he also boast about being the Strongest Genin in Konoha at one point, too, even though he's on the same team with Hyuuga fucking Neji? I don't know, man...
Maybe there had been some Flanderization going on in the original story. Or maybe after the exams, he had finally experienced too much brain trauma with Gai's training and any good sense finally vacated his head. But in his flashbacks... Shounen manga: stop trying to make sense of everything.
"Wait... Do I know you?" the weapons mistress asks, coming to a stop and peering at me suspiciously.
My disguise is working!
"I should hope so," I say and she almost recognized my voice. "After all, our sensei... are Eternal Rivals, aren't they?"
"Ah! You are Hatake Kakashi's...!" Lee's eyes widen with surprise and excitement, catching fire almost instantly. "Yosh!"
"Wait, you're that guy who wanted the needles!" Tenten shouts, pointing at me.
"You know these guys, Sasu—"
I interrupt Naruto. "Maa, maa. No need to get so excited." I flip out my copy of Icha Icha. "My name... is Kakashi Black."
Lee looks impressed. Tenten suspicious. Neji who finally deigns to approach us just glares at all of us. Or maybe just me. Hard to tell with those all-white eyes.
"If I were you, and all that was left of the Uchiha clan, I too, would be too ashamed to introduce myself by my real name."
"Uchiha?!" Lee repeats, surprised as his eyes whip back to me.
Ouch.
I didn't actually have any witty replies to that. The problem with absurd jokes is that once someone throws a hard straight, you become the joke. Well, time to Kakashi it.
"Hmm, did you say something?" I ask, looking up from the book.
Ooh, I think I see why Kakashi does it now. Pretty sure I just saw a twitch in Neji's eye.
"Mm, well, anyhow. I think we've seen enough. No?" I turn off my Sharingan, put away my book, and then lower my headband over both of my eyes.
"Ah, Sasuke, what are you doing?" Naruto asks, still kind of overwhelmed by the fact that he's not the weirdest person in the room.
"You know... Kakashi-sensei always puts his headband over his Sharingan when he's not using it. But I have two of them," I say as if that would explain anything. "Look at Lee—there's no way I can lose to him when it comes to emulating my teacher."
"...Um, Sasuke-kun, I'm sure that Lee isn—heek, too close, too close!"
What's going on now? I can't actually see shit with the headband down over my eyes.
"Please, would you tell me your name! You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen!" Lee excitedly shouts, right beside where I had heard Sakura talk.
"Trust me, Sakura," I say, feeling a thrill of pleasure as I imagine the betrayed look she's throwing me at giving Lee her name. "Lee's emulation of Gai-sensei is very good."
"Too good, to be honest..." Tenten darkly mutters. Even Neji sounds like he agrees with the sentiment, based on the tone of his sigh.
"Sakura-san, is it? Your name is as beautiful as your hair—"
"Hey, bushy brows, leave Sakura-chan alone!"
Oh, hey, looks like Naruto had finally had enough.
At this rate, they'll have a big fight, too.
"Guys, guys," I say as I raise the headband, having had enough of that joke. Looking around, I confirm what I had noted by the sounds of people walking and moving around us. Lowering my voice, I whisper conspiratorially. "Looks like everyone's filing into the classroom. About time we head up to the real exam room?"
Naruto and Lee blink, looking at the now freed doorway, the pair of Konoha-nin having beaten a hasty retreat and having allowed a good number of "sensible" ninja to pass quietly into the room without making a fuss or wasting time on us.
"I've had my fun. Come on, Kakashi Orange, Kakashi Pink."
I can see Lee mouthing 'Kakashi Pink' to himself, looking inordinately impressed.
"We're not calling ourselves that!" Naruto objects, but not too loudly as we turn to leave. "Come on, tell him, Sakura-chan!"
"Umm, well..."
It's kind of precious how much she's hesitating. Warring between her actual desires and her wish to impress me. Come on, Sakura, you can do it! You can have an actual personality!
"It's a good disguise, isn't it?" she offers, half-hoping that making excuses will woo me.
I don't quite sigh, but I can't say I expected better. Whatever.
We make it to the third floor and I note that Lee didn't challenge any of us to a fight even as we pass by the big room on the way. I guess he was too occupied with trying to talk to Sakura now.
"So, who's this Gai, anyway?" Naruto asks me as we walk, keeping one eye on Lee and Sakura.
"Ah, one of the strongest ninja in the village. Kakashi's Eternal Rival, or so I hear..." I explain, noting how Lee's attention is piqued from Sakura by the mention of our senseis. I repress the gleeful smirk as I continue. "I told you how Kakashi's pretty depressed, back in Wave, yeah? Gai is one of Kakashi's precious people. His best friend and completely heterosexual life partner," I say with a clear voice and Tenten chortles at the last bit. "The man who always manages to cheer him up whenever he's feeling down. Privately, Kakashi even admitted to me that he wished Gai would find more time to spend with him... But he's too repressed to say it himself. You know, hard to say things like that between guys, right?"
Naruto gives me a super skeptical look, before he notices Lee looking on with wide eyes. And then he smells the prank I've been setting up all along and nods with a wide grin.
"Yeah, yeah! Kakashi-sensei needs all the friends he can get! I'm super glad he's got so many good ones like Gai."
We share a mischievous look as we see the bait being swallowed hook, line, and sinker. And despite herself, I think Tenten is amused too, as she walks behind us.
Arriving at the door to room 301, we spot two tall figures.
I hear Sakura choking on her spit as we all behold the sight that is Maito Gai. I reach for my book immediately. It takes a second for the larger green beast to notice us and I can see Kakashi relax just a touch, as Gai's attention swivels to all of us and away from him.
"Ah, my youthful students! You have made it! And with my Eternal Rival's students in tow!"
Sakura swallows and I can feel her incredulous gaze on the side of my head—pleading for me to tell her that this isn't happening. Even Naruto looks like he wants to bolt out of the room, desperately eyeing the classroom door behind the two jounin.
"Gai-sensei!"
"Lee!"
I tune them out, pushing my nose into my book's random page. Oh, it's the scene. Very nice, very nice indeed Futaba-chan...
Someone chops my head, weakly but firmly, and I look up to see Kakashi staring down at me disapprovingly.
"Hmm, did you say something?" I ask blandly.
He merely sighs, giving my clothes a once-over without saying anything. Turning to Sakura, he nods. "Good, you're all here. If Sakura had decided to not come... Well, the Chuunin Exams only accept teams of three."
"So you mean..." Sakura asks, swallowing the rest and Kakashi gives her a little eye-smile.
"If I had told you, I'm sure Naruto and Sasuke would have simply made you come. And with a half-hearted resolution like that, it would have only hurt all of you in the end."
Kakashi's considerate words lose some of their impact with the sheer nonsense going on not more than two meters behind him, as Gai has now scooped all three of his students into a crushing bear hug, and half of the team is crying rivers of joy at their youthfulness.
I think we all realize at once that we're all staring at them, our own conversation forgotten.
Kakashi clears his throat.
"Anyhow... Good luck."
With that, and whatever else motivational he had been planning to say blown out by the sheer oppressive mood shift of Lee and Gai in close proximity, he steps out of our way.
Naruto and Sakura hurry past the door, the former excitedly and the latter warily looking to see if Lee is following, and I move after them at a leisurely pace.
"Oh, and Sasuke..." I turn around, spotting the orange-covered book in Kakashi's hand immediately. When did he...? "I'll be holding onto this."
"Sure." I nod, pulling out my second book, and move to catch up with Naruto and Sakura as I call out over my shoulder: "We can all use a little bit more Icha Icha in our lives!"
Always prepared, with spares! One is none, two is one!
I can feel the weight of his stare and until now I hadn't thought it possible for there to be such a thing as disappointment intent, but here we have it, clear as day only cut off as the door closes behind me. Will the wonders of chakra ever cease?
Inside we're quickly spotted and assaulted by a myriad of stares, the collective weight of the gathered genin like a physical weight against us. Looking around I see most of the key players; the rest of the rookies coming towards us—with Ino already taking a running start—Kabuto and his team, the Grass team who Orochimaru has probably already killed, the Sound team, and the lone Sand team.
"Sakura, incoming hostile at 3 o'clock."
She blinks, head-turning and like lightning she jumps in front of the Yamanaka heiress who had been gearing up for a glomp.
Zettai Sakura Bouheki!
"Hey, what's the big idea Forehead!"
"Shut up, Ino-pig! Don't bother Sasuke-kun!"
They devolve into their own world of petty bickering, so I give Shino and Akamaru nods in greeting.
"Heh, looks like the gang's all here. And you're still glaring at everyone with that mean ol' mug of yours, too? Don'tcha worry bout it much longer, Sasuke. Me an' Akamaru'll relieve you of your top spot soon enough!"
"Oh, Kiba. You're here too..." I make a vaguely disappointed sound. "I had hoped that the tail-end wouldn't be here..."
"What're you on about, you just..." Kiba begins, but stops as Akamaru yips something at him from on top of his head. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"All good?" I ask Shino and Hinata, ignoring the dumb one, though I don't think I've ever bothered to so much as look at the latter before.
They nod, turning to regard the rest of team 10 trailing behind Ino who is now full-on grappling with Sakura, more creative insults already being thrown around as they hiss at each other.
"Too troublesome..." Shikamaru says dragging his feet with potato chip muncher in tow. Heck, if I hadn't watched the anime I wouldn't even remember their names, given just how forgettable and boring they had been in the Academy.
But I offer them nods in any case since we're all here now at least.
"Oh hey, it's the idiot three!" Naruto points out cheerfully.
Shikamaru grumbles, glaring weakly at the blond.
I probably would have gotten better along with some of my year mates who had ended up in the genin corps, since the humiliation would have beaten some semblance of sense into them. Most of us 'rookies' were still too damn proud and innocent to really be reliable or worth talking to.
But well, this was fun in its own way, too.
"Ugh!" Ino manages to get past Sakura and almost glomps me, if not for my stare nailing her feet to the ground. Her body language goes from 'rampaging boar' to 'delicate flower' in the space of a microsecond. "Hey, Sasuke-kun... You've changed your look? That's so cool! That mask makes you look so mysterious and it brings out your eyes."
I pity whoever ends up getting married to this girl. Wasn't her clan all about psychology and interrogation stuff, besides the obvious mind jutsu? As in, closely working with the ANBU and Torture & Interrogation units? Because the speed with which she could switch gears was just off-putting.
Though maybe that was just a general female thing.
Shrugging and not feeling in the mood to explain my practical joke on our sensei, I simply reply: "Something like that, sure."
At least Naruto finally appreciates it, judging by the grin he's smothering.
"Like I said, we're all here!" Growing tired of not being the center of attention, Kiba makes himself known again, loudly, only proving how low his status in this 'pack' in actuality is. "I hear it's the first time in years since rookies got entered into the Chuunin Exams! Me an' Akamaru are going straight to the finals!"
The dog yipped excitedly, slapping the top of Kiba's hood for emphasis.
I snort. Maybe he could, but it was hard to respect someone who lost to Naruto due to a fart. Besides that, his jutsu weren't all that interesting or cool, even if I was totally planning to see if I could steal his Beast Human Clone jutsu for future reference in my own experiments.
But whatever, Kabuto was coming over.
"Hey, you guys. You should calm down a little..." Kabuto says softly, sauntering unassumingly over with a placid smile on his face. "You guys are the Rookie 9 straight out of the Academy, aren't you...?"
I look him over, my Sharingan coming to life.
"Heh."
Naruto's eyes snap to me, already sensing the shift in my mood and that I'm about to do something again. But I just stare at Kabuto, raising a hand to point at him.
"You're good."
The gray-haired spy blinks, and for a moment there is a terrible calculation behind those round glasses, as he tries to figure out what I'm talking about, since there's no way I'm actually saying what he thinks I'm saying.
But I am.
"You're the strongest guy in this room, aren't you?"
He blinks, suddenly entirely off-kilter.
"Ahaha, you're joking. I'm just..."
But I'm already bleeding bloodlust, with many in the room suddenly stiffening and trying to locate the source of the sudden chill in the air. I raise a hand to my face, pulling down the mask that's been itching at my face for a while, revealing a toothy smirk. And I can see the red glow of my eyes reflecting off of his glasses.
"But you don't have the smell of blood on you, despite how many you've killed... I can't wait to see what kind of jutsu you use, friend."
"Ah..." The veteran spy, so used to shielding himself from notice by cloaking in obscurity and mediocracy, shirks before my naked attention.
I mean sure, if I didn't know he was a spy, I'd probably buy it, too.
Which means trying to play along with him and letting him get close to me—giving Orochimaru that much better a handle on me—is stupidity of the highest order. Better get the hostility right out in the open and just disguise it as something else. I was going to make our positions clear and tell him: 'Hey four-eyes, your purple pregnant-woman-onesie looks fucking stupid and Harry Potter called to say he wants his glasses back!'
Actually, maybe not that.
"Eh, are you serious, Sasuke?" Naruto asks. "He doesn't look that tough..."
"Don't look at him head-on, Naruto. Look past him. Can't you see it, just beneath the surface?" I reply, not exactly sure how to put it in words. But there's a quality to Kabuto that few others have; an edge. Not too different from Kakashi and Zabuza.
"I... Huh..." Naruto blinks, eyes narrowing with suspicion.
If he can sense my mood shifts, then he obviously has some kind of talent. Might as well try and hone it.
"What's Sasuke-kun talking about, Forehead?" Ino asks and already I can hear Kiba boasting to his team that I'm obviously just a push-over. But Shino's attention is sharp and piercing, the slightest tension in his brows giving away just how seriously he's taking my warning.
Shikamaru, too, looks like he's weighing my analysis as real. For now at least.
But I could already sense the Sound three making their moves, getting in place for their little attack on one of us. Most likely Kabuto. And that will completely undermine what I've tried to say about him. Can't have that.
I knew the proctors were watching us and just waiting for a chance to make an entry.
So why not give them one before the Sound idiots could?
I draw my holstered kunai, bending my knees just a bit as my left hand makes the half-tiger seal for the Body Flicker jutsu. I shove in a good tenth of my full chakra into the basic Flicker and the air whips up around me, I can see Kabuto's eyes widening as he realizes what's happening.
The floor doesn't so much crack beneath me as pulverize, my body exploding forward with the steel blade aimed straight at his heart.
Do or die, spy.
He braces—and in a move straight out of what I might expect from Kakashi—he blocks me with his forearms, keeping the kunai back and absorbs just enough of my force by sliding back, to then push back and flip me over into the air behind him. If I had been blindly charging in I would have hit the far wall headfirst, but I kick out in the air at his head, forcing him to block again and using it to right myself at the same time, hitting the far wall on my feet instead.
The wood cracks and strains under the excess force of the 'landing' as I look 'up', standing horizontally on the wall, smirking at Kabuto who is crouching, half-turned to face me, having been pushed back several meters just from the half-instant of contact between us, with his glasses reflecting the light just enough to hide his eyes.
All the eyes in the room are on us.
This isn't taijutsu most genin can handle. Hell, I'd put most off-guard jounin out of commission against that kind of attack if they had to take it head-on.
The Sound gang is looking a little green, too, locked in their tracks.
I whistle, hopping down to the floor with a light thud and holster my kunai.
"This exam's pretty interesting, after all."
It's the most anime thing I can think to say, even though I've always held that people who say something is 'interesting' actually have nothing interesting to say.
Kabuto sighs.
"My my, seems I just can't hold back with you, Sasuke-kun."
His entire being has changed, the humble personality sloughing off like snakeskin, that thing beneath the surface coming to the fore. He adjusts his glasses again, now not even bothering to hide his naked calculation of the situation and me.
I grin.
And pray to God he didn't touch me in a weird way with his medical ninjutsu. He's in the bad touch-gang with Orochimaru.
"Settle down! Anyone so much as thinks about trying another stupid stunt like that and they're out of this exam!" Ibiki chooses to make himself known then, turning to look at me now. "And you, Uchiha..."
I raise my hands, as if saying that I had done nothing wrong. "I'll pay back for the damages to the Academy. Iruka-sensei knows where I live." And I'm more scared of him than you, I don't say, knowing where to draw the line and to start cooling off my head.
Especially since the proctors were now eyeing not just me, but Kabuto as well. Get fucked, four-eyes.
Ibiki let the threat hang for a moment longer, eyes narrowed, before shaking his head and getting back to the matter of the first exam and explaining that it will be a written test. So I naturally tune him out as I get to my seat. Sure, this test is about cheating...
But the Forest of Death is only tomorrow, so it's hard to care about something I know I can literally pass by just waiting an hour and then saying: "Ya, I'm staying."
The seating and general arrangements look unchanged, with Naruto sitting next to Hinata—probably making the girl's day—and with the order of the day being cheating. Which is kind of uninteresting. Between the Sharingan and Shadow Clone jutsu, I have so many ways of covertly gathering information that it's not so much a challenge as just a hassle for picking an actual method.
So, as we receive the papers, I decide on what I'm going to do.
"Right. I'll just write the test normally and see how well I do."
There's a certain sadistic pleasure I had learned to enjoy from taking written tests, especially very hard ones that I had not sufficiently studied for. Especially in subjects where I could derive the answers in some form through sheer effort, rather than rote memorization. This characteristic was only something I acquired as an adult, which was a shame since for most of my childhood I had hated tests of all kinds.
The questions actually ended up being decently challenging and I ended up not-so-sure about most of my answers. But the test went by in a flash and the tenth question was easily settled, especially with a little shouting from Naruto to liven things up.
So as soon as Ibiki's eyes flickered to the windows, I know what was coming.
A hail of shattered glass, a pair of thrown kunai, an outrageous banner, and a boisterous kunoichi.
"You guys! Enough patting yourselves on the back and feeling all warm and giddy about passing some pansy-ass paper test! I'm the proctor of the second exam! Mitarashi Anko!"
The coolest cat in town had made her entrance.